I’m worried you haven’t seen every episode of “Posh Nosh” yet. Have you seen every episode of “Posh Nosh” yet? I hadn’t seen every episode until yesterday. Now I’ve seen every episode, and I’m very anxious that you do the same.

Few things make me happier than very, very specific parodies of English country life; this is why I think Historic Framley: The Framley Examiner is the funniest book written in the last twenty years. And Posh Nosh is very, very specific. It stars Richard E. Grant and Arabella Weir as Simon and Minty Marchmont, a pitch-perfect send-up of the stone-hearted, repressed aristocratic English homosexual and the nervous, middle-class English social climber, respectively.

An aside: I do not find comfort and companionship when I find that other people like Richard E. Grant in the same way that I do. You couldn’t possibly. Richard E. Grant doesn’t understand himself the way that I understand Richard E. Grant. No one else in the world has seen Withnail & I, even if they have watched it. Only I have. Please do not attempt to share in this experience with me.

It’s perfect and it hurts and I love it more than I have ever loved any of you. It also has one of the more exhaustively-written Wikipedia pages I’ve ever read for a web series that ran for eight nine-minute episodes more than ten years ago:

Simon and Minty prepare various dishes ranging from architect‘s fish and chips to bread and butter pudding, offering snooty and frequently surreal commentary along the way. For instance, they employ words in odd ways in parody of specific culinary terminology, such as interrogate a lemon; and their cooked vegetables are not peeled but embarrassed, after which they might be annoyed instead of boiled. They also frequently insist on ultra-specific, often prohibitively expensive, or non-existant ingredients, such as Greek currants that you actually have to fly to Greece to buy or organic salt.

At the same time, a thread of increasing domestic tension (and often hostility) runs beneath the surface of every exchange between Simon and Minty, like Simon frequently rolling his eyes at Minty’s malapropisms or Simon sarcastically commenting on Minty’s cooking skills, along with some not-so-subtle hints about Simon’s repressed sexual orientation. The couple illustrate aspects of the British class divide, with Minty as a middle-class social climber who married Simon for his status. She constantly brags about her high station in life, while also seeming to run the Quill and Tassel’s kitchens single-handed. A running joke in the series is Simon’s crush on his tennis instructor José Luis (David Tennant). José Luis dies before episode eight, and Simon and Minty cook a meal to remember him in this episode. At the dinner, Simon is introduced to a new tennis coach, also played by David Tennant. Both Marchmonts are obsessed with their dog, Sam, going so far as to throw a birthday party (complete with other dog guests) for him. The birthday cake prepared for the party contains huge amounts of chocolate, which would kill dogs—a rather macabre joke.

Here is a representative episode. Watch it now. You do not have anything better to do.

Things Simon Displays More Affection Towards Than His Wife

Beluga Sturgeon: “It’s a magnificent creature. I’d be happy to defrost it with my breath.”
Belgian Chocolate: “It is not for putting in your mouth. It is for cooking and worshipping. 92 percent cocoa solids. A brute of a chocolate. A gladiator. This is the Russell Crowe of cocoa.”
Their dog, Sam: “Sam’s not a substitute, he’s the real thing! [aside] The great thing about dogs is you can choose what they look like.”
Their Aga: “Mummy had this installed in 1954. [inhales] Mmm. That’s the right upbringing for bread.”

THE THINGS HE SAYS TO HER, you guys. They are thrillingly brutal, in the way that only a casual, pointed aside can be.

MINTY: “Of course, up North, they call supper ‘tea.'”
SIMON: “Really? Never been there.”

And they only get worse.

MINTY: “I was a bit of a leftover myself, wasn’t I, darling?”
SIMON: “What ever do you mean?”
MINTY: “Well, I was in my thirties when we met.”
SIMON: “Don’t be silly. Mummy was thrilled.”
MINTY: “Really? What did she say?”
SIMON: “You’d get the trains running on time.”
MINTY: “What does that mean?”
SIMON: “Like Mussolini. You know. Efficient.”
MINTY: “Wasn’t Mussolini a man?”
SIMON: “It’s a compliment.”
MINTY: “Oh. Right.”

LET’S HAVE ANOTHER:

SIMON: “My man Rupert recently got divorced. She got the house. He got the cellar.”
MINTY: “Hah! That’s what you’d want, isn’t it, darling?”
SIMON: “Don’t be silly. You couldn’t have the house. My family’s been here over 300 years.”

This is so vicious it gave me the chills. Please watch every episode right now so we can talk about it in the comments and also forever.