I’m worried you haven’t seen every episode of “Posh Nosh” yet. Have you seen every episode of “Posh Nosh” yet? I hadn’t seen every episode until yesterday. Now I’ve seen every episode, and I’m very anxious that you do the same.
Few things make me happier than very, very specific parodies of English country life; this is why I think Historic Framley: The Framley Examiner is the funniest book written in the last twenty years. And Posh Nosh is very, very specific. It stars Richard E. Grant and Arabella Weir as Simon and Minty Marchmont, a pitch-perfect send-up of the stone-hearted, repressed aristocratic English homosexual and the nervous, middle-class English social climber, respectively.
An aside: I do not find comfort and companionship when I find that other people like Richard E. Grant in the same way that I do. You couldn’t possibly. Richard E. Grant doesn’t understand himself the way that I understand Richard E. Grant. No one else in the world has seen Withnail & I, even if they have watched it. Only I have. Please do not attempt to share in this experience with me.
It’s perfect and it hurts and I love it more than I have ever loved any of you. It also has one of the more exhaustively-written Wikipedia pages I’ve ever read for a web series that ran for eight nine-minute episodes more than ten years ago:
Simon and Minty prepare various dishes ranging from architect‘s fish and chips to bread and butter pudding, offering snooty and frequently surreal commentary along the way. For instance, they employ words in odd ways in parody of specific culinary terminology, such as interrogate a lemon; and their cooked vegetables are not peeled but embarrassed, after which they might be annoyed instead of boiled. They also frequently insist on ultra-specific, often prohibitively expensive, or non-existant ingredients, such as Greek currants that you actually have to fly to Greece to buy or organic salt.
At the same time, a thread of increasing domestic tension (and often hostility) runs beneath the surface of every exchange between Simon and Minty, like Simon frequently rolling his eyes at Minty’s malapropisms or Simon sarcastically commenting on Minty’s cooking skills, along with some not-so-subtle hints about Simon’s repressed sexual orientation. The couple illustrate aspects of the British class divide, with Minty as a middle-class social climber who married Simon for his status. She constantly brags about her high station in life, while also seeming to run the Quill and Tassel’s kitchens single-handed. A running joke in the series is Simon’s crush on his tennis instructor José Luis (David Tennant). José Luis dies before episode eight, and Simon and Minty cook a meal to remember him in this episode. At the dinner, Simon is introduced to a new tennis coach, also played by David Tennant. Both Marchmonts are obsessed with their dog, Sam, going so far as to throw a birthday party (complete with other dog guests) for him. The birthday cake prepared for the party contains huge amounts of chocolate, which would kill dogs—a rather macabre joke.
Here is a representative episode. Watch it now. You do not have anything better to do.
Things Simon Displays More Affection Towards Than His Wife
Beluga Sturgeon: “It’s a magnificent creature. I’d be happy to defrost it with my breath.”
Belgian Chocolate: “It is not for putting in your mouth. It is for cooking and worshipping. 92 percent cocoa solids. A brute of a chocolate. A gladiator. This is the Russell Crowe of cocoa.”
Their dog, Sam: “Sam’s not a substitute, he’s the real thing! [aside] The great thing about dogs is you can choose what they look like.”
Their Aga: “Mummy had this installed in 1954. [inhales] Mmm. That’s the right upbringing for bread.”
THE THINGS HE SAYS TO HER, you guys. They are thrillingly brutal, in the way that only a casual, pointed aside can be.
MINTY: “Of course, up North, they call supper ‘tea.’”
SIMON: “Really? Never been there.”
And they only get worse.
MINTY: “I was a bit of a leftover myself, wasn’t I, darling?”
SIMON: “What ever do you mean?”
MINTY: “Well, I was in my thirties when we met.”
SIMON: “Don’t be silly. Mummy was thrilled.”
MINTY: “Really? What did she say?”
SIMON: “You’d get the trains running on time.”
MINTY: “What does that mean?”
SIMON: “Like Mussolini. You know. Efficient.”
MINTY: “Wasn’t Mussolini a man?”
SIMON: “It’s a compliment.”
MINTY: “Oh. Right.”
LET’S HAVE ANOTHER:
SIMON: “My man Rupert recently got divorced. She got the house. He got the cellar.”
MINTY: “Hah! That’s what you’d want, isn’t it, darling?”
SIMON: “Don’t be silly. You couldn’t have the house. My family’s been here over 300 years.”
This is so vicious it gave me the chills. Please watch every episode right now so we can talk about it in the comments and also forever.
Tags: cooking shows, posh nosh, richard e. grant, specific parodies, television
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This is literally the show my husband & I put on for our guests at every dinner party. AMAZING.
i am beyond thrilled to have this queued up.
my love of dark, dry comedy and food is quite sated.
Well, I know what I’m watching tonight. And possibly for the rest of my life.
I first saw Richard Grant in LA Story. Which means that he will forever be “that guy from LA Story no not Steve Martin the other one”. And I always get a little extra excited when I recognize him.
…i love w&i so much tho 🙁
MEL THIS IS SO GLORIOUS
I may not love/understand him as much as you, Mallory, but I do have REG’s (personalized) autograph. That counts for something.
Lovely stuff. Similarly overlooked and vicious is Julia Davis’s “Night Night”, also from the BBC. Moments of pure evil.
I was loving Richard E. Grant when I was in 6th grade and stumbled onto a copy of Warlock at Blockbuster.
*salutes you with a tear in my eye*
My ambition is to one day be a fraction as cool as is the phenomenon of Richard E. Grant in a wolfskin coat, carrying a whip, bursting through the door and shouting, “TELL ME YOUR WOES!”
what the FUCK. what the FUCK is this.
ffffffffffff
fffffffff warlock the movie or what???
Warlock is a 1989 American cult horror film produced and directed by Steve Miner and starring Julian Sands, Lori Singer, and Richard E. Grant. It was written by David Twohy. The soundtrack was by Jerry Goldsmith.
AND IT’S AMAZING.
Okay so I have a very specific impression of Warlock 2 being a striking and satirical horror different than what I’d seen before in a style I would later associate with a less goofy Hellraiser. I blame it (and not all the other evidence) for my unwavering sense that Julian Sands is the antichrist.
But, see, I think I was 13 when I saw it, so I truly do not trust my memory here, and I don’t want to ruin it if it turns out it’s shit. But suddenly someone else has heard of the series! Maybe you can help! Should I let my memory stand and let this go? Or is it worth tracking down decades later and rewatching?
[sigh]
Warlock 2 is to Warlock the original, as Grease 2 is to Grease the original.
Both originals make the sequels look like camp “send-ups” and really can’t be considered equals.
Go watch Warlock now. Forget about Warlock 2.
I will go to the grave detesting Grease 2 and frankly, Michelle Pfeiffer didn’t even remember it as the first movie she sang in (she credited “The Fabulous Baker Boys” with that distinction in an interview which I distinctly recall because even my mother laugh-snorted when she said that, “I guess she doesn’t consider herself ‘singing’ in Grease 2!”).
Oh! I should have clarified: I’m fond of Warlock and am aware it’s effectively an unrelated movie in style, tone, plot…. The only thing they share in common is a title and a lead, right?
What I’m wondering is whether the sequel is garbage on its own, or only garbage in the context of watching the original? Or maybe that’s not a fair question. Maybe I should just watch the damned thing.
OH.MY.GAWD. I thought I was the only one who fell in love with Richard E. Grant because of Warlock!
I like when Richard E. Grant was Miss Marple’s nephew.
What a perfect thing to watch with my BFF who is writing a dissertation on Christopher Isherwood and is also a giant foodie.
I watched it all last night and fully intend to watch it every night for the rest of my life. Or at least until I can fully narrate my cooking process like Minty does. I need to take notes on the proper word choices (and remember that it’s bread AND butter pudding).
Would you like some pa-el-a?
The last time I flew home from London, the in-flight meal was offered to me as “chicken pa-el-a” and I legitimately could not understand what the poor flight attendant was saying and I was very happy to find that it was paella that was served to me. Though it was weird to have paella without seafood in it.
(I mean this in the most flattering way possible): I was sad that http://the-toast.net/tag/richard-e-grant/ did not lead to more posts.
Thank you for bringing this into my life.
(Nice subtle continuity work in the video: while Minty was annoying the fish stock, Simon must have been keeping company with the Riesling. He wanders back into frame, hair just slightly out of place, diction a little less crisp, and then he launches into his faux potato eye technique with a drunkard’s brio.)
NO one can do drunk better than Richard E. Grant. (I sincerely hope that the Withnail Wikipedia delves into how astonishing that is.)
No worries, I looked it up!
“Though playing a raging alcoholic, Grant himself is a teetotaller with a health condition preventing him from properly processing alcohol. He had therefore never been drunk prior to making the film. Robinson decided that it would be impossible for Grant to play the character without having ever experienced inebriation and a hangover, and thus “forced” the actor on a drinking binge. Grant has stated that he was “violently sick” after each drink, and found the experience on a whole deeply unpleasant.[13]
During the filming of the scene in which the lighter fluid is consumed, Robinson changed the contents of the can, which had been filled with water, to vinegar. While the vomiting is scripted, the facial expression is totally natural.[14]”
You were right to be worried, Mallory – what HAVE I been doing with my life up to this point? 🙁
Getting to now, so you could do this.
OKAY.
I haven’t seen Withnail and I, but how do you feel about Film Critic Hulk’s reading of it? http://badassdigest.com/2013/10/03/film-crit-hulk…
MALLORY. Posh Nosh is one of those youtube videos I always show a potential romantic interest to see if he gets me (usually either “Paella” or “Birthday Parties”).
“Always have a relationship with your meat.”
I LOVE this series, and also feel obligated to admit that when I saw the first episode, it took me awhile to figure out that it was not, in fact, a real cooking show. When I finally did (I’d say I was a good half-way through), I was both relieved and disappointed.
As someone who spent most of the weekend watching The Cooking Channel, the over-the-top cooking/’lifestyle’ show parody aspect is still quite relevant! :-/
Mallory, your co-opting of Withnail and I is inappropriate, selfish, and HURTFUL. Complaints will be registered. Actually, complaints have already been registered…I can hear them…in the kitchen.
How has no one mentioned the David Tennant cameo as the tennis instructor??
I AM MINTY. That is all.
I once spotted Richard E Grant in the flesh in London, however sadly I was crying outside an STD clinic (in paranoia) at the time, and therefore in no fit state to approach him. On another note, definitely checking out this series, sounds wondrous.
Have you seen Abigail’s Party?
Posh Nosh always reminds me of it, for some reason.
I was fairly on board with the idea of watching this show until I read this sentence, when I immediately snorted with laughter and knew I was in love:
José Luis dies before episode eight, and Simon and Minty cook a meal to remember him in this episode. At the dinner, Simon is introduced to a new tennis coach, also played by David Tennant.
“But, what to do if you’re ordinary?” I never know.
Speaking of specific brits and food, this is probably my favorite sketch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fY-M41FGzI
You were right to be worried. I haven’t yet watched Withnail & I, despite my mother’s endless pleadings. Given the provenance, I suspect I’ll like this – I’m already having flashbacks to Catherine Tate’s dotty and out-of-touch family.
There’s a great clip somewhere of him asking Elton John to write a song using instructions for his new oven as lyrics. It’s the best thing I’ve ever seen.
This clip? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=974NJLvvjRU
Recycled foil from Foiled Again omg
Vinaigrette from “Je Vinaigrette Rien” is the greatest joke of all time. Omg all these companies.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
Also when we were at Bi-Rite I actually looked on the shelves for battarga since if anywhere in San Francisco has battarga, it’s Bi Rite. Is battarga a real thing? brb
1) IT IS A REAL THING
2) it is served by a restaurant around the corner from my house
3) pretty sure google yielded the Chowhound profile of Minty Marchmont:
“A chef I know keeps giving me chunks of Battarga wrapped in wax (some kind of Italian fish roe, I think preserved in salt). The previous chef apparently had a thing for it and overstocked before he departed. I’ve grated it into salad and rice, and served it on crackers with oil and pepper per his instructions, now he gives me ANOTHER one for Christmas, does anyone have any experience with this stuff?? I don’t know if it’s some kind of Italian comfort food, personally I’d rather have caviar, but it would be nice to put out with all the other fish on Xmas Eve.”
“all the other fish on Xmas Eve”
wtf Minty
Popping in to say that many fishes on xmas eve is a normal Italian person thing, not a Posh Nosh. I would venture that Minty and Simon would not approve of Italians.
I moved to the UK six years ago, having read Brideshead Revisited and every Agatha Christie, and thus assumed I understood everything there was to know about fitting into the British upper middle classes. Instead, I think I managed to embarrass myself in the first year there than any other human has, ever.
Posh Nosh is the perfect antidote to that, because it looks like some glossy show that teaches you how to hide your problems by serving food to people who might hate you but will come for a dinner party, but instead gives a perfect education in class, how to tell who’s faking, and how to tell which men are gay. The latter is far more useful and relevant than it really ought to be.
Thank you, Mallory, for your concern; so very public-minded of you. It was well placed; I had never seen any Posh Nosh episode. Doing my best to remedy that.
Ahh, I watched that YouTube clip and realised I used to watch this show all the time! Only it was when I was little and I didn’t quite realise it wasn’t serious. Memories
yup! I totally thought that this was a serious cooking show when I was younger.
Possibly should have twigged when Richard E Grant was also in Spice World. But I lived in my own world and was oblivious to quite a lot of real world things.
My favorite Posh Nosh phrase ever: “Pure and well-balanced, like a nun on a tightrope.”
Yes! That is an incredibly good line. I still stand by my favorite: “I’ve seen the future, and it’s SAUCE!”
It’s amazing how often one can employ that phrase.
You are correct: I did not have anything better to do. Now I have watched every episode. Now I can die happily.
I had completely forgotten that Posh Nosh existed (travesty!) and now I know what I will be doing this afternoon while I pretend to work.
And then I will weep silently into my afternoon tea that all my DVDs are currently packed and I can’t watch Richard E. Grant be utterly fabulous in The Scarlet Pimpernel until sometime next week.
An Anglophile friend found this just a few weeks ago and it’s had us giggling hysterically. My wife’s a cook and she’s started to appropriate some of Minty’s bizarre food prep terms.
“An aside: I do not find comfort and companionship when I find that other people like Richard E. Grant in the same way that I do. You couldn’t possibly. Richard E. Grant doesn’t understand himself the way that I understand Richard E. Grant. No one else in the world has seen Withnail & I, even if they have watched it. Only I have. Please do not attempt to share in this experience with me.”
Song of my heart, I believe this fully and completely. We can both each separately (all each separately) be the only ones to revel in the wonders of this movie and this man.
tangentially, this may be somewhat true – I have made three close friends watch Withnail & I and not a single one got it. not right anyway. not as much as they should. not as much as me.
I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS SERIES THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME OF IT! This and Look Around You were my two favourite things in the previous decade apart from slash fiction and weeping.
I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS SERIES THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME OF IT! This and Look Around You were my two favourite things in the previous decade apart from slash fiction and weeping.
“It’s JUS! Jus!”
It makes me disgustingly happy to read this because I love Posh Nosh so much!
Oh my god. I thought I was the only one. I actually had to google Posh Nosh years ago after I saw my first episode to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating it in all its glory.