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Home: The Toast

INT. THE MURRY’S home. NIGHT.

MRS WHATSIT: hello
is anybody home
MRS. MURRY: excuse me?
MRS WHATSIT: i’m coming in for sandwiches and to take some of your sheets
also your children, i will be taking them
MRS. MURRY: you’re what?
MRS WHATSIT: oh by the way your husband is in space
and your science is terrible
just terrible
you have barely any science and your husband is trapped in space
i’ll just take these two children and those sheets over there
bye

 

MEG: where are we going
MRS WHATSIT: shut up and just enjoy the ride, baby
MEG: i was just wondering if–
MRS WHATSIT: well don’t
MEG: don’t…wonder?
MRS WHATSIT: don’t ask me stupid questions
I used to be a goddamn star, Meg
like in the SKY
what did you used to be
a seventh-grader?
lets compare those two things okay
MEG: i’m sorry, i didn’t–
MRS WHATSIT: everyone here who used to be an actual fucking star in the sky raise your hand
thats what i thought

 

MRS WHATSIT: hang on i gotta switch bodies
[MRS WHATSIT transforms herself into a winged centaur of unspeakable beauty]
MRS WHATSIT: thats better
[CALVIN falls to his knees in speechless worship]
MRS WHATSIT: THATS BETTER

 

CHARLES WALLACE: W  H  A  T  I  S  T  H  I  S  P  L  A  C  E
MRS WHATSIT: two-dimensional planet
CHARLES WALLACE: I  C  A  N  T  B  R  E  A  T  H  E  H  E  R  E
MRS WHATSIT: oh yeah
thatll happen here

 

MRS WHATSIT: Meg you have to go fight IT by yourself
I can’t go with you
MEG: but why
MRS WHATSIT: okay I could go with you but i wont
happy
MEG: no
not at all
MRS WHATSIT: dont worry
i’ll give you a gift
i give you your faults
MEG: how will that help me
MRS WHATSIT: ok well Meg you know what
what do you even know about it
what do you know about anything
you wear glasses and boys don’t even talk to you
MEG: is that my gift
MRS WHATSIT: yes
i give you your stupid glasses and boys not talking to you
CALVIN: i’ll talk to Meg
MRS WHATSIT: shut up Calvin
CALVIN: i’ll go with her
MRS. WHATSIT: SHUT UP CALVIN

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