Self-Care: What is it? Nobody knows. Here are some tips that I’ve found really help me out, day to day. Bless.

1. Write a letter to yourself every day about how much you hate that guy Brian at work. Read it aloud to him.

2. If you are feeling stagnant, throw caution to the wind and make a big change! Throw everything into the wind. You live on a boat now, is what I’m saying.

3. Practice mindfulness and be astounded at how much it does NOT help you in Two Dots.

4. Once a day, do something that makes you happy, just because. Protip: keep a notebook to make sure it’s not the same thing from the day before, which is how I adopted 14 dogs.

5. Get out of your comfort zone! If you work at The Comfort Zone Sofa Superstore on Route 25, make sure you get back before your boss notices.

6. If you need to have a tough conversation with someone, practice in the mirror. If the mirror speaks back to you with a thousand voices and one, none of them your own, please read “13 Exorcism Tips to Revolutionize Your Routine!” This is the wrong list for you.

7. Find the beauty in the world! If you can’t find any, grab some makeup and head over to that big rock you always see, the one that looks like a human face, and give it a Smoky Eye.

8. Don’t worry about personal grooming and just lie around eating candy in a bathrobe. I dunno. Sounds nice.

9. Spend some time with an animal companion. If you’re allergic to housepets: I heard you can touch a manta ray at the aquarium, which sounds pretty cool. If you don’t like manta rays, I don’t know. You figure it out. I’m not your dad.

10. Make some alone time for yourself. Build a cabin where nobody can find you. Bar the doors and windows. Draw the curtains. Turn off the lights. Yes. Finally alone.

11. Chat up a friendly stranger! Unless you did the last item. Does anyone actually do everything on these? Shoot.

12. Your body is as important as your mind! Make sure to get some exercise. Unless you don’t like to do it. SELF-CARE, BABY.