BATHROOM DESIGNER #1: Okay, so I think we're pretty much set here. There's not a lot of space, it's single-occupancy, we've got a sink, a toilet, a blow dryer, a trash can – BATHROOM DESIGNER #2: Full length mirror. BATHROOM DESIGNER #1: What? BATHROOM DESIGNER #2: Full. Length. Mirror. BATHROOM DESIGNER #1: What about it? BATHROOM DESIGNER #2: We need a full length mirror. BATHROOM DESIGNER #1: Where? BATHROOM DESIGNER #2: Hanging on the inside…
Previously: Men about to get murdered in Patek Philippe ads. If you have ever leafed through an issue of The Economist or any other glossy magazine meant for the upwardly mobile as they wait in first-class airport lounges, you have seen a Patek Philippe ad: a blond father and son, usually on a boat, are laughing sternly at the sea, while the tagline reminds you that "You never actually own a Patek Philippe. You…
Zane Shetler's previous work for The Toast can be found here.
Thanks to your frantically shouting, “You don’t know what you’re dealing with! You can’t play God, man,” I can’t help but feel compelled to give you the royal tour of our facilities. It might not be standard operating procedure, but I haven’t made it as Chief of Monster Containment by doing things by the book. Hell, you’re just some guy who
Well, "could" is relative. But I like to spend a little time every day scrounging through the market finds at One King's Lane (also to find things for rich idiots), looking for gems, which I occasionally buy and then sit on and give away as presents. I mean, it's online, which means that "scrounging" is "scrolling," but sometimes you click and it's already "in another member's cart," which adds the allure of the chase.
