As opposed to Eek magazine, which is just pages and pages of lavish photographs of centipedes lurking behind my toilet.
deleted182847+20
Not until you’re naked, right? All those critters just HAVE to wait ’til you’re naked.
Perdita McLeod+12
Of course they do! When you’re fresh out of the shower and at your most vulnerable. Last time I went to visit my Dad in Hawaii I got out of the shower and immediately encountered a huge cockroach flying around the bathroom. Thank god I was the only one home at the time because I panicked and ran out of the bathroom and I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A TOWEL ON YET.
deleted182847+13
It was flying?
That is SO uncool.
aquamarinaveen+9
ahhhhhhhh ahhhh noooo
me on vacation in hawaii: getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet and thinking hm what is that on the floor? oh holy shit it’s writhing
they had just sprayed pesticide outside the rental, and a centipede crawled into the bathroom that night to die. one of the enormous ones.
Perdita McLeod+5
NOPE NOPE NOPE
I have yet to encounter one of the centipedes which is good because I may never go back to Hawaii if I do. “It’s been nice knowing you, Dad! Call me if you’re ever in my ‘hood.”
leahrobinn+8
one time in our kitchen in england I stepped on something cold and squishy, looked down and thought, why is there a banana chilli on the floor? then it moved and I realised I had stepped on and slightly burst a big green slug.
Unreadaethel+6
When I was 10, a centipede fell out of the shower curtain onto my arm when I was about to take a shower.
starla5881+6
I simultaneously twitched and gagged when I read this. Centipedes are definitely one of my circles of hell.
JGlo+2
I read this and screamed silently. Oh god oh god oh god
JGlo
The only things that were bad about our Hawaii vacation (other than my father’s periodic tantrums) were the two cockroach encounters in the rental. My mom found one in the silverware drawer and proceeded to wash allllllll the silverware. Then I found one in our bedroom and my husband failed to kill it. He decided to tell me that the roach would crawl up on my lip in the night and do a dance, I guess as a way of making fun of me for freaking out, so I flicked him in the ear. He also said that my brother was in a bad mood because a cockroach had bit him in the mouth (actually he was sick and had a cold sore but also isn’t the most jovial of humans even when well). We then proceeded to make up a dance that we thought the cockroach would do.
We are a strange family. And that is my Hawaii cockroach story.
femaelstrom+2
Thanks, thanks a lot.
Was recently peeing at my parents’ house when I saw an enormous bug on the floor (I think it was actually just a cricket but, I’m sorry, if it has more than four legs I hate it and am terrified of it). I screamed, ran into the study, picked up the heaviest books I could find, threw books at the bug until it died, and then refused to go onto that floor of the house for three days.
I forgot to tell my dad what had happened (or, you know, clean up the bug corpse myself) so he was kind of puzzled when he had to put away several John Le Carre novels and wipe dead bug off the floor.
FreeRangeMenses+73
Getting A Purebred Dog Who Is Still Technically A Rescue So You Can Get What You Want and Not Be Socially Shamed
Diesel-cat is a pedigreed Bengal but doesn’t have the interesting spots and stripes, so he is a rescue cat that is also a purebred cat.
April+9
Out of my three friends with pugs, two adopted though rescue. The couple who got theirs from a breeder (“we wanted one without health issues” yo then maybe rethink pugs?) got major side-eye and relentlessly gossiped about, but I don’t know if anyone said anything in person. I’m sort of amazed at how much my opinion of them went down after that.
ZevNV+3
Breed-specific rescues are a wonderful thing–so many people get purebreds with no idea of what they’re getting into, so people who are actually prepared for corgis/shibas/dalmatians/etc are SUCH a huge help.
(Also: obligatory “you should rescue a greyhound” plug here.)
bgiscary+14
We actually did this. She was a breeder at a puppy mill, rescued by our semi-local shelter when they were going to destroy her. (We speculate that they had bought her after a tech-celeb’s dog of same color/breed got some press, but her breed wasn’t selling as well as hoped). Her breed is notoriously difficult to care for and incredibly willful, so it was us (who had been looking for that breed on and off for a year) or someone who likely wasn’t aware of what they were getting into.
No regrets.
FreeRangeMenses+5
I’m glad you did that too!
Kay+9
I did that too! I went to the shelter looking for an older dog that would be ok with cats, but they didn’t have one. There was a deaf white boxer cross thing I was in love with but they said no to her + cats. But they did have puppy mill rescued puppies, and they plonked one into my arms “to see if I liked him.” I’d brought my parents along who were very on the fence about me getting a dog at all, and the second they saw him they developed shining anime eyes. So, that was that. He’s five this year and I still get asked “is he just a pup?” every time someone meets him.
deleted182847+15
I’ve…kinda wanted…for a while….to meet a woman with a premature white streak in her hair. I see them here and there but as Mr. Shatner said it hasn’t happened yet.
(I guess later it would be ALL white and she’d basically be Swinton) (but still with the glasses)
dakimel+4
My grandmother had that and even though I mostly knew her after she was grey I used to look at her old pictures and get soooo jealous / hopeful. She blamed it on the rubella, though, so I guess if she was right I didn’t really want one of my own.
Katethekate+2
when my mom’s black hair first started going grey it came in in two gorgeous Sontag streaks on either side of her face – it looked AMAZING but that phase only lasted about two years as I recall. She looked so adorable and it became my teenage hope that one day my hair would do the same. NOPE. Here I am in my 20s with my hairs turning prematurely white pretty uniformly all over my head. (shrugs)
chickpeas+1
I’ve been working on a premature white streak since I was about 25. I call it my Sontag, though it’s nowhere near as dramatic as hers. Though, give me five years and we’ll see.
ZevNV+1
I am male, and also have a strong desire for a Sontag Streak (or as Chicago theatre people call them, a Martha Lavey Streak) some day.
deyne+2
My best friend has one! I’m eternally jealous of her, she’s had it since she was 11 and dyes it all sorts of colours with kool-aid for fun
projectbeks+18
*whispers* What does EKE mean?? I mean, I know the definition of “eke,” as in to eke out a living, but…aaah, I’m sorry I feel like I’m missing something!! 🙁
deleted182847+62
If you have to ask you can’t afford the subscription.
carolinekn+46
I’m pretty sure “a stick interviews a root and a bone tied together by a little girl’s old fashioned hair ribbon” is in fact the design concept behind 97% of Valencia Street. That and “tiny pieces of gravel sprinkled over postindustrial longing.” And “plants that have let go of needing dirt.”
J_M+25
Yes. Also, “letterpressed everything” and “pastries resembling architecture.”
keristars+19
oh god this reminds me of this fashion company based out of Texas that’s ABSURDLY expensive but they were selling a house whose aesthetic was moldy carpet-wall and rusty sharp edges kitchen i shit you not, even though everything was brand new. They made it look like a hoarder’s house got flooded with sewage ON PURPOSE and I don’t even know
I wish I could remember the name of the company. They also had a catalogue spread of the hippiest dippiest outfits and then a man wearing metallic pink snakeskin print tight pants, so idek
oh god that is the exact logo & namestyle of one of my favorite restaurants am i ashamed or not (Cask & Larder, based out of Winter Park, FL – a sister restaurant to Ravenous Pig and also Swine & Sons… really good food though)
drashizu+8
*quietly closes Crane & Canopy tab* …
GreenGrasses+10
That is one HORRENDOUSLY ugly house.
keristars+28
right?????
and the thing is
the thing is
it’s INTENTIONALLY made to look like it suffered from a 15ft flood of sewage. and the target demographic is someone wanting a summer house or rental property???? so they’re fairly wealthy??? and the clothes they sell are like six times as expensive as Anthropologie???
like who would take a beautiful tin ceiling and intentionally make it rusty????!???
Blanche de Shambles+22
Also, Papyrus? Your website typeface is bad and you should feel bad.
keristars+5
the whole brand is just someone taking what could be a GREAT idea/look in one context and going overboard with it in another context until all the good is leeched out.
drashizu+3
ugh right? Welcome back to the late 90’s.
Unreadaethel+4
And why is all the text center-justified and filled with carriage returns?
Unreadaethel+5
Oh, fuck you, html.
thekatriarch+15
Also
“Everything you see, and a thousand lovely things you don’t see all convey.”
“Again, all 3 of the clawfoot tubs convey.”
WHAT DOES THIS MEEEEEEEEAN.
leahrobinn+10
Ahaha I was screeching that internally.
WHAT DO THEY CONVEY, PRETENTIOUS BLOGGER?
Unreadaethel+11
Bullshit. They convey pointless bullshit.
Toft+27
“The faux cracks in the wall are hand-painted”
What? What? No.
What’s next, intricate porcelain cockroaches? A hired servant actor who plays your landlord and pretends to shake you down for rent money?
Unreadaethel+8
That is not an “old-world patina.” That is a “years of neglect and weather damage” patina.
deyne+5
It really reminds me of a condemned church I briefly squatted before I found a place to rent in Montreal… And that’s not a complement.
tinypaperme+22
It looks like a murder house.
Frumiosa+18
That is the ugliest effing house I have ever seen.
blueblazes11+17
Are they allowed to sell the sets from Fight Club? I assumed they had been destroyed.
Perdita McLeod+37
“whimsical chicken coop” 😐
Unreadaethel+12
“complete with chandelier”
DishKit+10
pretty sure chickens don’t give a shit about your whimsy
annesedney+6
But they’ll be happy to shit on it!
floridagal1+8
I clicked on this link and now google has changed all the ads I see everywhere to Magnolia Pearl ads 🙁 🙁 🙁
keristars+12
well are you SURE you’re not the target audience for $400 skirts that look like they were found in the dumpster behind the shitty thrift store?
(the thing that gets me, because okay $400 for a small-scale hand-embroidered local-manufacture skirt I suppose I could understand even if NOTHING they sell is sized or even fitted – it’s all shapeless with a drawstring at best – is the Fake Poverty painted on the models. they’re made up to look precisely dirty and unwashed and it’s kind of a disgusting sort of cosplay for rich people :/)
Cricket+20
Why would anyone want to live in this Miss Havisham nightmare? I am just AGHAST. And that write up reads like an Stefon/SNL skit…good lord.
leahrobinn+6
help please I am being consumed by chunky plaster florals. also i am stubbing my toe on them repeatedly in the bathroom.
perhaps i will go hang out with my (presumably heirloom) chickens in their whimsical chicken coop.
Unreadaethel+6
That sink is the ugliest goddamn sink I’ve ever seen. It’s like the height of Victorian nonsense had a baby with the 1950’s, and that baby took a shitton of acid. Can you imagine using that bathroom while drunk/migrain-y/having the flu? You’d just fall over and never be able to get out again.
Either_Ada+8
Let’s not miss the forest for the trees here: there is PAPYRUS FONT on this website.
GoatseFanfic+3
the vampire lair of your dreams
Social+17
I work in the construction industry and have been waiting for EKE magazine for a long, long time. All of our prefab dwellings require human organs, as well as orb light fixtures and at least one material occurring naturally in the surrounding landscape (one liquid, one solid, and one vapor for best results). Final structure will resemble either an A-frame updated for the needs and aesthetics of the 21st century, or an alien spacecraft.
winterbymorning+33
Today I read a piece about a condo in a heritage-designated former church. It was in Toronto Life but I think it would have been a better fit for Eke. Some choice quotes:
“They added a gracious central staircase … and an elevator to bypass the long hike” Oh I’m so sorry that your ~*~gracious staircase~*~ is too much for you to actually climb and that your apartment has so many floors you need an elevator to get around.
“they have wet bars on every floor for the same reason” Good thing they have that elevator, I’d hate for them to get hurt trying to navigate the gracious staircase while drunk.
“What eight-year-old doesn’t need Warhols?” WHAT? Also, I feel like children and multiple wet bars inside the house aren’t the best combination? You do you, though.
deleted182847+26
The staircase didn’t make a big thing about not being used.
elsamac+17
So much nicer an architectural element than the passive-aggressive staircase.
dakimel+3
We finally watched Queen of Versailles the other night and you’ve just given me horror flashbacks.
betsymurgatroyd+11
That RSS Text demanding I click through made my afternoon.
DishKit+2
I can’t love this any more than I do
strophoria
My best friend has one! I'm eternally jealous of her, she's had it since she was 11 and dyes it all sorts of colours with kool-aid for fun
strophoria
It really reminds me of a condemned church I briefly squatted before I found a place to rent in Montreal… And that's not a complement.
As opposed to Eek magazine, which is just pages and pages of lavish photographs of centipedes lurking behind my toilet.
Not until you’re naked, right? All those critters just HAVE to wait ’til you’re naked.
Of course they do! When you’re fresh out of the shower and at your most vulnerable. Last time I went to visit my Dad in Hawaii I got out of the shower and immediately encountered a huge cockroach flying around the bathroom. Thank god I was the only one home at the time because I panicked and ran out of the bathroom and I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A TOWEL ON YET.
It was flying?
That is SO uncool.
ahhhhhhhh
ahhhh
noooo
me on vacation in hawaii: getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet and thinking hm what is that on the floor? oh holy shit it’s writhing
they had just sprayed pesticide outside the rental, and a centipede crawled into the bathroom that night to die. one of the enormous ones.
NOPE NOPE NOPE
I have yet to encounter one of the centipedes which is good because I may never go back to Hawaii if I do. “It’s been nice knowing you, Dad! Call me if you’re ever in my ‘hood.”
one time in our kitchen in england I stepped on something cold and squishy, looked down and thought, why is there a banana chilli on the floor?
then it moved and I realised I had stepped on and slightly burst a big green slug.
When I was 10, a centipede fell out of the shower curtain onto my arm when I was about to take a shower.
I simultaneously twitched and gagged when I read this. Centipedes are definitely one of my circles of hell.
I read this and screamed silently. Oh god oh god oh god
The only things that were bad about our Hawaii vacation (other than my father’s periodic tantrums) were the two cockroach encounters in the rental. My mom found one in the silverware drawer and proceeded to wash allllllll the silverware. Then I found one in our bedroom and my husband failed to kill it. He decided to tell me that the roach would crawl up on my lip in the night and do a dance, I guess as a way of making fun of me for freaking out, so I flicked him in the ear. He also said that my brother was in a bad mood because a cockroach had bit him in the mouth (actually he was sick and had a cold sore but also isn’t the most jovial of humans even when well). We then proceeded to make up a dance that we thought the cockroach would do.
We are a strange family. And that is my Hawaii cockroach story.
Thanks, thanks a lot.
Was recently peeing at my parents’ house when I saw an enormous bug on the floor (I think it was actually just a cricket but, I’m sorry, if it has more than four legs I hate it and am terrified of it). I screamed, ran into the study, picked up the heaviest books I could find, threw books at the bug until it died, and then refused to go onto that floor of the house for three days.
I forgot to tell my dad what had happened (or, you know, clean up the bug corpse myself) so he was kind of puzzled when he had to put away several John Le Carre novels and wipe dead bug off the floor.
Getting A Purebred Dog Who Is Still Technically A Rescue So You Can Get What You Want and Not Be Socially Shamed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3UhbtdxYak
Alms for the poor!
Diesel-cat is a pedigreed Bengal but doesn’t have the interesting spots and stripes, so he is a rescue cat that is also a purebred cat.
Out of my three friends with pugs, two adopted though rescue. The couple who got theirs from a breeder (“we wanted one without health issues” yo then maybe rethink pugs?) got major side-eye and relentlessly gossiped about, but I don’t know if anyone said anything in person. I’m sort of amazed at how much my opinion of them went down after that.
Breed-specific rescues are a wonderful thing–so many people get purebreds with no idea of what they’re getting into, so people who are actually prepared for corgis/shibas/dalmatians/etc are SUCH a huge help.
(Also: obligatory “you should rescue a greyhound” plug here.)
We actually did this. She was a breeder at a puppy mill, rescued by our semi-local shelter when they were going to destroy her. (We speculate that they had bought her after a tech-celeb’s dog of same color/breed got some press, but her breed wasn’t selling as well as hoped). Her breed is notoriously difficult to care for and incredibly willful, so it was us (who had been looking for that breed on and off for a year) or someone who likely wasn’t aware of what they were getting into.
No regrets.
I’m glad you did that too!
I did that too! I went to the shelter looking for an older dog that would be ok with cats, but they didn’t have one. There was a deaf white boxer cross thing I was in love with but they said no to her + cats. But they did have puppy mill rescued puppies, and they plonked one into my arms “to see if I liked him.” I’d brought my parents along who were very on the fence about me getting a dog at all, and the second they saw him they developed shining anime eyes. So, that was that. He’s five this year and I still get asked “is he just a pup?” every time someone meets him.
I’ve…kinda wanted…for a while….to meet a woman with a premature white streak in her hair. I see them here and there but as Mr. Shatner said it hasn’t happened yet.
(I guess later it would be ALL white and she’d basically be Swinton) (but still with the glasses)
My grandmother had that and even though I mostly knew her after she was grey I used to look at her old pictures and get soooo jealous / hopeful. She blamed it on the rubella, though, so I guess if she was right I didn’t really want one of my own.
when my mom’s black hair first started going grey it came in in two gorgeous Sontag streaks on either side of her face – it looked AMAZING but that phase only lasted about two years as I recall. She looked so adorable and it became my teenage hope that one day my hair would do the same. NOPE. Here I am in my 20s with my hairs turning prematurely white pretty uniformly all over my head. (shrugs)
I’ve been working on a premature white streak since I was about 25. I call it my Sontag, though it’s nowhere near as dramatic as hers. Though, give me five years and we’ll see.
I am male, and also have a strong desire for a Sontag Streak (or as Chicago theatre people call them, a Martha Lavey Streak) some day.
My best friend has one! I’m eternally jealous of her, she’s had it since she was 11 and dyes it all sorts of colours with kool-aid for fun
*whispers* What does EKE mean?? I mean, I know the definition of “eke,” as in to eke out a living, but…aaah, I’m sorry I feel like I’m missing something!! 🙁
If you have to ask you can’t afford the subscription.
I’m pretty sure “a stick interviews a root and a bone tied together by a little girl’s old fashioned hair ribbon” is in fact the design concept behind 97% of Valencia Street. That and “tiny pieces of gravel sprinkled over postindustrial longing.” And “plants that have let go of needing dirt.”
Yes. Also, “letterpressed everything” and “pastries resembling architecture.”
oh god this reminds me of this fashion company based out of Texas that’s ABSURDLY expensive but they were selling a house whose aesthetic was moldy carpet-wall and rusty sharp edges kitchen i shit you not, even though everything was brand new. They made it look like a hoarder’s house got flooded with sewage ON PURPOSE and I don’t even know
I wish I could remember the name of the company. They also had a catalogue spread of the hippiest dippiest outfits and then a man wearing metallic pink snakeskin print tight pants, so idek
Restoration Chainsaw Massacre?
More hippy dippy than that, tbh.
I found it! it’s called Magnolia Pearl and here’s the ranch they were selling: http://fionaandtwig.blogspot.com/2013/03/magnolia…
and here is their Nov 2014 catalogue (the pants in question) shop.magnoliapearl.com/mp/gallery/nov_18th_2014/index_mobile.htm
http://www.hipsterbusiness.name/
oh god that is the exact logo & namestyle of one of my favorite restaurants am i ashamed or not
(Cask & Larder, based out of Winter Park, FL – a sister restaurant to Ravenous Pig and also Swine & Sons… really good food though)
*quietly closes Crane & Canopy tab*
…
That is one HORRENDOUSLY ugly house.
right?????
and the thing is
the thing is
it’s INTENTIONALLY made to look like it suffered from a 15ft flood of sewage.
and the target demographic is someone wanting a summer house or rental property???? so they’re fairly wealthy??? and the clothes they sell are like six times as expensive as Anthropologie???
like who would take a beautiful tin ceiling and intentionally make it rusty????!???
Also, Papyrus? Your website typeface is bad and you should feel bad.
the whole brand is just someone taking what could be a GREAT idea/look in one context and going overboard with it in another context until all the good is leeched out.
ugh right? Welcome back to the late 90’s.
And why is all the text
center-justified
and filled with carriage returns?
Oh, fuck you, html.
Also
“Everything you see,
and a thousand lovely things you
don’t see all convey.”
“Again, all 3 of the
clawfoot tubs convey.”
WHAT DOES THIS MEEEEEEEEAN.
Ahaha I was screeching that internally.
WHAT DO THEY CONVEY, PRETENTIOUS BLOGGER?
Bullshit. They convey pointless bullshit.
“The faux cracks in the wall are hand-painted”
What? What? No.
What’s next, intricate porcelain cockroaches? A hired servant actor who plays your landlord and pretends to shake you down for rent money?
That is not an “old-world patina.” That is a “years of neglect and weather damage” patina.
It really reminds me of a condemned church I briefly squatted before I found a place to rent in Montreal… And that’s not a complement.
It looks like a murder house.
That is the ugliest effing house I have ever seen.
Are they allowed to sell the sets from Fight Club? I assumed they had been destroyed.
“whimsical chicken coop” 😐
“complete with chandelier”
pretty sure chickens don’t give a shit about your whimsy
But they’ll be happy to shit on it!
I clicked on this link and now google has changed all the ads I see everywhere to Magnolia Pearl ads 🙁 🙁 🙁
well are you SURE you’re not the target audience for $400 skirts that look like they were found in the dumpster behind the shitty thrift store?
(the thing that gets me, because okay $400 for a small-scale hand-embroidered local-manufacture skirt I suppose I could understand even if NOTHING they sell is sized or even fitted – it’s all shapeless with a drawstring at best – is the Fake Poverty painted on the models. they’re made up to look precisely dirty and unwashed and it’s kind of a disgusting sort of cosplay for rich people :/)
Why would anyone want to live in this Miss Havisham nightmare? I am just AGHAST. And that write up reads like an Stefon/SNL skit…good lord.
help please I am being consumed by chunky plaster florals. also i am stubbing my toe on them repeatedly in the bathroom.
perhaps i will go hang out with my (presumably heirloom) chickens in their whimsical chicken coop.
That sink is the ugliest goddamn sink I’ve ever seen. It’s like the height of Victorian nonsense had a baby with the 1950’s, and that baby took a shitton of acid. Can you imagine using that bathroom while drunk/migrain-y/having the flu? You’d just fall over and never be able to get out again.
Let’s not miss the forest for the trees here: there is PAPYRUS FONT on this website.
the vampire lair of your dreams
I work in the construction industry and have been waiting for EKE magazine for a long, long time. All of our prefab dwellings require human organs, as well as orb light fixtures and at least one material occurring naturally in the surrounding landscape (one liquid, one solid, and one vapor for best results). Final structure will resemble either an A-frame updated for the needs and aesthetics of the 21st century, or an alien spacecraft.
Today I read a piece about a condo in a heritage-designated former church. It was in Toronto Life but I think it would have been a better fit for Eke. Some choice quotes:
“They added a gracious central staircase … and an elevator to bypass the long hike” Oh I’m so sorry that your ~*~gracious staircase~*~ is too much for you to actually climb and that your apartment has so many floors you need an elevator to get around.
“they have wet bars on every floor for the same reason” Good thing they have that elevator, I’d hate for them to get hurt trying to navigate the gracious staircase while drunk.
“What eight-year-old doesn’t need Warhols?” WHAT? Also, I feel like children and multiple wet bars inside the house aren’t the best combination? You do you, though.
The staircase didn’t make a big thing about not being used.
So much nicer an architectural element than the passive-aggressive staircase.
We finally watched Queen of Versailles the other night and you’ve just given me horror flashbacks.
That RSS Text demanding I click through made my afternoon.
I can’t love this any more than I do
My best friend has one! I'm eternally jealous of her, she's had it since she was 11 and dyes it all sorts of colours with kool-aid for fun
It really reminds me of a condemned church I briefly squatted before I found a place to rent in Montreal… And that's not a complement.