Affixed to almost every vertical surface in the modern public ladies’ room are helpful written reminders like “Please do not flush diapers, sanitary napkins, or other feminine products.” “Place paper towels only in the trash can.” “For public safety, please wash your hands after using the restroom.” “Dispose tampons here, not on the floor.”
It leads one to wonder just what type of clientele these signs are attempting to target. Their specificity assumes a frightening lack of basic hygienic awareness on the part of their readers. What hordes of feral, filthy women are descending upon these communal bathrooms?
“Let me see, let me see…do I place my used menstrual pads here, carefully in this waste bin? Or should I fling them against the wall?”
“Please do not flush anything but toilet paper down the toilet. Do not shove entire pizzas into the bowl. Ladies, please stop flushing purses, coats and shoes down the toilet, as this is bad for the septic system.”
“Do not fling menstrual aids, which are designed to absorb liquid, into the U-bend, where they will absorb all of the liquid.”
“Please do not menstruate directly into the sink. Do not splash your neighbor with dirty toilet water. Do not defecate onto the handle of the toilet.”
“It is very important that you do not hide stolen treasures inside of the hand dryer.”
“Remember, these paper towels come from trees, and also it is absolutely unacceptable to flush live cats and dogs here. You wouldn’t flush them at home, so please don’t bring that into a public environment.”
“It’s one thing to try to catch someone’s eye in the mirror when she’s blocking the only available sink after she’s finished watching her hands, but you don’t have to be such an asshole about it. You know the face you’re making at her. You can see the face you’re making. Knock it off.”
The days of the common-sense bathroom, when adult women were trusted to enter a cold, tiled room, dispose of their own waste, and clean up after themselves without detailed, written instructions, may be over. If that’s so, it may also be time to admit that toilet seat covers are nothing but a flimsy, comforting lie. They can’t protect you. Nothing can protect you. The enemy is yourself.
Illustrator: Esther C. Werdiger writes, draws, and podcasts in New York. She’s not quitting her day job, because that’s how she has her visa.
Tags: do not flush live cats, etiquette, feral women, menstruation, public menace, signs, women’s restrooms
I was recently bitching to my work friends about how the women on my floor will just walk away from the restroom without checking to make sure the (admittedly temperamental) automatic flusher did its job.
Response from friend: “Wait, is there a button that flushes the toilet if the autoflush doesn’t work?”
So, yes, I’m looking forward to more items tagged “feral women.”
Is everyone aware of the sorta new 1 drop/3 drop automatic flushers?
They tell you to save water by selecting the 1 drop button for “liquid waste” and 3 drops for “solid waste.” But the best part is the explanation for the automatic flusher, and how it determines which flush to use based on how much time you spend in the stall.
I have never seen this, but boy did it make me laugh.
Based on my time working retail, and the frequency with which the women’s bathroom got clogged by a menstrual aid (often), at least one of these signs would be very beneficial.
Some women just don’t respect public washrooms…my boyfriend worked at a Sobeys in high school and he once had to clean up a bathroom after someone threw her used tampon on the floor.
Also, dressing rooms. I worked at a clothing store in college and we once found a used tampon in one. The manager paid one of my brave coworkers to clean it up.
I dunno, the bathroom in my office building can get pretty gross. I think maybe a few signs might be warranted.
(Kidding! But can we please talk about how some people pee on the seat and then leave it there for the next person? That’s not cool, people.)
Ugh, seriously. I get that you want to hover, but YOU are the reason people have to hover! You are creating what you fear the most!
To fight pee monsters, they become pee monsters.
They need the work of… THE BLOCKER! #30rock
“If you sprinkle when you tinkle..”
They are truly the worst! But a close second are the people who need a seat cover, but then they leave it on the seat. So let me get this straight, their butt cannot touch the toilet, yet someone else must touch what touched their butt? How does this make any sense?!
Melis AND Esther! Be still my heart!
I hate to say it, but one visit the women’s restroom at my work would convince you of the need for signs. I am often gobsmacked by the lack of even basic etiquette/ hygiene exhibited by my co-workers. Unflushed toilets, bodily fluids of all sorts sprayed on the toilet seat/ floor, etc. etc. etc. (Which is not to say the men’s room is a bastion of cleanliness, I’ve just never been in it.)
But do the signs really work? Does anyone think about throwing a dirty tampon on the floor, see a sign instructing them not to, and have a change of heart?
Maybe the signs are intended as remedial education? Like maybe the sign-makers are determined to think the best of everyone, and they assume women who are throwing used tampons on the floor were raised by wolves and just do not understand how Civilized People dispose of tampons, and this sign is the first tampon education this poor girl has ever had.
In my experience, this is not inaccurate. A SHOCKING number of people were raised without basic consideration for others, and they really do have the attitude of “whatevs, someone will clean it up.”
I really don’t understand what it is about public bathrooms that makes people throw all manner of etiquette out the window. Especially somewhere like at your work place – I work with all these people – they seem somewhat normal – who does this?? Whose fault is it? How does it happen? This list includes: not flushing, splashing water all over the counter, garbage on the floor – both innocuous and gross, missing the toilet entirely, … it goes on and on.
So at work there is always a TON of water on the sink and I could never figure out why. Then the other day I saw this woman scooping water onto the counter/faucet to…clean it, I guess? It was baffling.
What the…hell…..I always thought water splashed over the counter was the result of women washing their faces or brushing their teeth VERY ENTHUSIASTICALLY. That is bizarre.
All the counter water is from women who wash their hands and then shake their wrists to get the water off before drying. “It saves trees,” they say as you want to have a firm conversation about polite potty rules.
I assumed the counter water was from the faucet-to-soap-dispenser transfer. Clearly more investigation is needed, but I usually see people 1) turn on the sink 2) wet their hands 3) reach over to the soap dispenser 4) come back to the faucet. The dripping happens between Steps 2-3 and 3-4.
Yes, trying to suss out the perpetrators is my favorite game at work. Everyone seems so normal… which one of you ladies in a skirt suit could possibly be responsible for this??
I once used a public toilets where there was shit smeared all over the seats. There were gay porn mags strewn around like some kind of anal-heavy autumn leaffall.
Also, I’ve worked retail for most of my adult life. Trust me, every foul thing you think someone would never do has been discovered by me when cleaning the shelves. And I’ve heard darker tales, from those who have toilets and changing room in their stores.
I dunno, once in the toilets at my academically selective girl’s high school, someone shat on the back of the seat instead of into the bowl, so…
That just seems like it would take MORE effort than just sitting over the seat hole, but what do I know.
I feel like that was probably the result of a hoverer. Sit on the damn seat people! (I blame most bathroom grossness on the hoverers)
Our office toilets get revolting. Actually, our whole office gets revolting – people empty plates of leftover food into the sink, leave spilled coffee on the surfaces, drop paper towels on the floor and leave them. It makes me quite ill!
Isn’t it incredible? What do these people do at home?! Something about “shared responsibility” and lack of accountability makes people crazy. Like having a house with too many roommates.
Do you work at ISIS?
Barry, is this how you get ants?
Yes it is, Other Barry. Yes it is.
This is how we get ANTS!!
aside from flush-water splash-back and that one lady who makes herself a toilet seat of paper and then *does not flush it*, the bathroom here is not totally awful.
the kitchen, oh, the kitchen. i just want to put up signs that say “no one here is your mother. and she shouldn’t even have had to deal with this”. too many middle-aged men who never have to handle their own dirty dishes at home.
I used to work at a place where I always had to wipe down the toilet seat before I used it. It’s a good thing I’m not super squeamish about that sort of thing.
1. In the bathrooms of my freshman-year dorm, the cleaning service only came on weekdays – and in the two days that they were off, a truly alarming amount of shit, menstrual blood, and pubic hair caked any available surface.
2. Just as I finished reading this, a coworker walked into the office and exclaimed “There’s a shoe on the handle!” I’m willfully avoiding hearing an explanation so I can just assume she meant toilet handle.
Yeah. It’s like, you laugh but have you ever lived in an all girl’s dorm at a prestigious university?? This stuff is real.
bitch I will make that face until you MOVE.
All bars need signs in the bathroom that say tell them to tell the bartender if the toilet is clogged. Just tell them! No one will be hurt and they will tell a barback and it will be fixed! Don’t keep flushing and pray that the clog will suddenly disappear, because it won’t.
I even tell them when the paper towels are out, which is 80% of the time–and is one of the many good reasons I have a handkerchief in my back pocket at all times. Anyway, bar tenders usually appreciate you telling them when something could use attention, as long as you’re not a dick about it. They’re busy.
I usually tell people in bars/cafes if the toilet isn’t working or the TP or paper towels are out. But when I tell them the toilet isn’t working, I always feel paranoid that they think I’m the one who clogged it, so I end up telling them in a weird chirpy and upbeat tone.
I do the opposite. I try to sound annoyed like, “UGH, I TRIED to flush the toilet, but it was already clogged. Sorry! But it obviously isn’t MY fault because I’m the one telling you.” I feel like the cloggers never report it at all.
As a bartender, I absolutely absolutely absolutely agree, yes, do this!
Wow, that is in stark fucked-up contrast to the men’s room signs: “Do your thing, Bro, it’s all good”, “Whiz at will, wherever” and “Don’t worry, there’s a janitor for that”
That explains SO much.
I had the interesting experience of being in a stall when a person came in to clean the washroom… not content to either wait until I was finished or leave my stall ’til the next time, she actually mopped the floor of my stall WHILE I WAS IN THERE from the stall next to mine. Hah!! At least it was getting clean?
Okay, maybe I just haven’t been A Lady for long enough, but I have always been stumped by “please do not flush feminine products.” Exactly WHAT am I supposed to do with my used tampons? I have never, not even once, removed a tampon and then wrapped it up in a paper towel or TP and put it in a trashcan (disclaimer: unisex bathrooms at work) so I feel like a failure at environmentalism or whatever. Of course, I usually wear pads anyway.
Wait, seriously? You’re that feral woman? You flush your tampons? IT’S YOU WHO’S BEEN DOING THIS THE WHOLE TIME???
WE FOUND HER. WE FOUND THE FERAL WOMAN. <3 u feral woman.
In the defense of us feral and once feral women, the directions for tampons tell you to flush them! I stopped once I realized the whole old pipes and non commercial plumbing thing was a problem and figured I was better safe than sorry.
Yes, removing your tampon, wrapping it in TP, and putting it in the trash is what you’re supposed to do. Get your employer to purchase a discreet trash can with a lid or install one of those white bins that attaches to the wall of the stall.
Reason: tampons expand when they get wet, which is why they are bigger when you take them out. When you let a tampon sit in water (in a toilet), it blows up like a balloon and will clog EVERYTHING, especially if your plumbing is old/you’re in an old building.
I was taught that exact same method, but in my adult life I feel like flushing tampons is more commonly accepted practice. Maybe it depends on the house you grew up in and its average pipe age?
or possibly if you’ve ever known a plumber or water treatment engineer socially. Even if it’s generally OK in your specific pipe eventually that tampon or applicator is going to be a PITA for someone whose main job is to make sure you have non-shitty water to drink.
It DEFINITELY depends on the pipes, what kind of water you have (don’t deplete the well water trying to flush that thing down), the system it’s draining into, etc. I have occasionally flushed tampons in my partner’s apartment because she lives in graduate student housing where the plumbing is industrial grade stuff. It’s a newer building, she’s on the ground floor, and that toilet power flushes like crazy, the building is up to code for a dorm even though it’s apartments, etc.
I do not, however, flush tampons in residential toilets, ever. That is a fantastic way to screw up the plumbing. I don’t flush tampons in buildings that are older than the 60s because some of the plumbing can be delicate. I definitely don’t flush them in buildings that are historical because a clogged pipe in a historic house or other building can be a nightmare.
My family lived in an 1856 farm house when I was little and I once “experimented” at age 4 by dropping an apple core down the toilet and flushing it to see what would happen…. and it ended up lodged in a pipe in the cellar. Did I mention that in order to do any sort of structural change in the house, you had to call the historical society for a special permit? Before they found the apple core, they thought they were going to have to re-do the plumbing in the house. Don’t do what I did as a child. My parents are still pissed about that.
Yeah, so apparently I am That Girl. 🙁
To be fair, I wear pads 90% of the time, and only supplement with tampons on extremely-heavy-flow days where I have to be at work and know I’ll be crazed (i.e. extra-likely to overflow if I’m only wearing a pad). Our building has extra great plumbing somehow, which I’m aware is me tempting fate, but… Yes, trash cans with a lid would be really great.
Diapers are a feminine product??
There’s just so much I don’t know about this world…
Is it really true that some places have couches in the womens’ restrooms? Why?? Why would you hang about?
I think the idea is to provide a space for nursing mothers. Not that a public restroom is the place you would necessarily *want* to sit and feed your baby, if you had much of a choice.
This mystified me but now that I’ve spawned I think I have the answer and it is breast feeding. Or at least it seems they might be useful for that?
Aaah, thanks to both of you for the elucidation! Given the “first arrival / wait-out rule” outlined above I wondered if it wasn’t an avenue for serious passive-aggression.
This is the best running gag on Boy Meets World:
http://youtu.be/kudFmxVoLFU?t=5m21s
that couch doesn’t look very comfortable 🙁 also, nursing couch in a high school?? Scandal!
Just to clarify, the couches in the ladies room thing is usually in high end department stores like Nordstrom or Bloomingdales. If you ever see a sign directing you toward the “women’s lounge,” that’s what it is — the breastfeeding area where you can also park your kids while you pee so they’re within earshot.
And do not stick your used pad to the side of the stall like some chick did until the dean of the law school sent out an email telling everyone that it was Not Okay.
WHAT.
I’m not even sitting here like menstrual blood = grossest thing ever, but for real, that is human blood there. Pathogens, guys! Come on!
Of the LAW SCHOOL.
YES, DEAN OF THE LAW SCHOOL. This happened in the law library’s main floor ladies room. Just to be clear, you needed to swipe your card to get into our law library and there was a security guard at the entrance. The library, while part of the main building, had its own elevator system so you couldn’t gain access to it in any other way than the main library entrance unless you managed to get in through a locked fire door.
So it had to be a law student. I doubt our librarians would have done that shit.
Blame the 1Ls.
I’m almost afraid to ask, but…. this wouldn’t be UMB? Because I worked in the law library there, which sounds similar to how you describe, and saw some EFFED UP SH*T in that bathroom – not exactly what you mentioned, but similar. Especially on the weekends because there was no cleaning staff and the garbages would just fill and fill and overflow and overflow….
Considering the number of times I have seen things (including, Lord Help Us, used tampons and dirty diapers) on a public bathroom floor when there was a trash bin right there, waiting to catch these things, there are never going to be enough signs in the world to remind some people that the rest of us are not holograms.
Signs may not be warranted for all bathrooms, but signs are definitely warranted for bar bathrooms. Drunk people tend to forget normal things, like flushing or pooping in the toilet.
Oh man! You just reminded me of my Worst Bar Bathroom Experience. St. Patrick’s Day, circa 2006. I’m at a dive bar with friends, it couldn’t have been any later than 9:00pm. I’m waiting for the ONE stall in the ladies’ room to free up (yes, one, they’re just asking for trouble) when in bursts this girl who has clearly had a lot to drink. She is squirming and dancing away, trying to hold her pee while the person in the stall finishes. “Don’t tell anyone,” she says to me, as she yanks down her underwear, pops a squat, and proceeds to pee right there on the floor of this tiny bathroom. “Don’t let my friends in to see me!” she squeals, while grabbing the sink to balance herself. I’m just concerned about not getting her pee on my shoes. Someone tries to enter the bathroom, and she slams the door shut in their face. It turns out to be one of her friends, who forces her way in and begins laughing her ass. I warn the person exiting the stall not to step in the giant puddle on the floor, then gather my friends and get the hell out of there. BARS.
Now that I remember it, it was because she was like "your pee will come out slower when you're older! It's a fact! Check out the old gray haired man the next time you pee in public, his pee won't come out like yours!" And everyone was 13 years old and horrified.
I laughed so much I woke the dog up! Stolen treasures in the hand dryer!
I laughed so much I woke the dog up! Stolen treasures in the hand dryer!
I put up a sign over the urinal at work: “Stand closer – your dick is apparently not as long as you think that it is.”
I’ll never understand by what process so many guys are pissing on the floor.
I know I’m late to the party; but seriously some people (through no fault of their own) did not get the same level of information about personal hygiene during the course of their upbringing.
Some people had shitty neglected childhoods, or have atypical mental function, or moved to a ‘western’ country from one that doesn’t have the same kind of toilet, or even ready access to luxury disposable menstrual products or diapers.
So, let’s not further stigmatize, hey?
Well, in school we had no signs asides from don’t use toilet paper to dry your hands, except we continued to do that as the hand dryer took about two minutes, but because there wasn’t a bin in every cubicle (3 out of 5 had a bin), I’d seen some pretty gross things, the worst of which was a bloody tampon, just left on the floor of the stall, not even wrapped in tissue or anything. I mean, if you find yourself in a situation where you’ve removed a tampon and you suddenly realise there’s no bin, wouldn’t you at least just flush it?
I recently had a friend/roommate fish out another roommate’s used tampon and applicator from the toilet because after 5 flushes it still would not go down – and the roommate that had used the tampon in the first place never bothered to check if it had flushed.
I’ve always been told to wrap and toss, never flush anything but toilet paper. Even if our toilets didn’t clog on everything, including shit, I would still wrap and toss – wouldn’t want anyone to have to fish it out further down the water treatment line. The roommate’s reasoning: it’ll degrade. It’s like flushing a sock that swells when it’s in water. It’ll degrade, but not before some person already in a shitty job has to fish it out and throw it out for you.