Researchers from the University of Leicester digging at the site where the bones of King Richard III were recently found cannot stop discovering additional coffins, even those that were clearly meant to never be disturbed.
Underneath the dirt where Richard’s bones mouldered lay another coffin. An older coffin, this one made of stone. Within that coffin rests a second coffin made of lead. Within the second coffin is something unknown.
Now the scientists wish to meddle with something that was sealed and buried twice.
Archaeologist Matthew Morris, who clearly has never seen a film where the scientist dies immediately after saying “I’ve never seen anything like this…let’s open it,” made the following statement:
None of us in the team have ever seen a lead coffin within a stone coffin before…We will now need to work out how to open it safely, as we don’t want to damage the contents when we are opening the lid.
An old woman in a grey cloak has hovered near the edge of the dig for the last three weeks, despite repeated attempts to escort her off the premises. “There is no way to open it safely,” she howls over the pounding of the machines. “Put it back. It is not too late. Put it back.”
Picture the scene, if you can: Leicester, some 700 years ago. A group of villagers–spent, exhausted, harrowed–stand solemnly around a fresh grave.
“A coffin within a coffin,” one of the eldest says. In the distance, a figure hooded in grey slips silent and unnoticed into the mist.
“A coffin of lead, no less,” his nearest companion adds. “Surely it will sleep soundly now. The danger is contained.” Wearily they shake hands, shovel the last of the dirt over the unquiet earth, and head for home, and for sleep. They are tired, too.
Cut to the present, where the inner lead coffin has already been “carried off to the university, where researchers will conduct tests to determine the safest way to open it without damaging the remains.”
There is no safe way. There will be damage. Thus far they have ”been able to get a look at the feet through a hole in the bottom of the inner coffin.”
They will see a great deal more before the hole is closed again.
Tags: double coffins, england, fly you fools, leicester, richard iii, the unquiet dead
The archaeology student in me wants to rush over right next to the coffin, hunker down, and run my greedy hands all over it. (OKAY, FINE, I’ll use the little brush.)
The Buffy-watcher in me wants to scold them: “People, you’ve got to leave your tombs earthed.”
I don’t understand how it isn’t clear to someone on the dig that this is a second coming of Illyria situation. LEAVE ‘EM EARTHED, Y’ALL.
I won’t go to the world without shrimp! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!
They have obviously found “The Deeper Well”, we are all so very screwed.
Noooooo don’t open it, scientist guys! Leave it alone!
(p.s. more, more!)
Obviously the scientists are being compelled by an eldritch force. Why else would they ignore the double seal?
[Seriously folks, do we know of other examples of multiple coffins that include a lead coffin? I know that multiple coffins were used for the Egyptian dead, but a lead coffin is a bit.. much.]
In case any one is curious, google results for “lead coffins” and “use of lead in superstitions” have proven quite unsatisfactory. Maybe they were worried that whatever they buried would come back to life again, and wanted to ensure that it got lead poisoning.
Seems like lead coffins were usually used by the wealthy. They seem to be really rare in the 1300s, though. See this article from the Museum of London: http://www.museumoflondon.org.uk/Collections-Rese…
Pssssh, real facts? Get out of here!
Honestly, wouldn’t they be a pain in the ass to make? I know nothing about metalworking though.
Oh, also, Wikipedia says, “In England, it has long been law that a coffin for interment above ground should be sealed; this was traditionally implemented as a wooden outer coffin around a lead lining, around a third inner shell.” So perhaps when this particular person was buried, it was above ground in the church, and they had to encase the lead coffin in a second coffin.
Right? It’s like they’ve never played Skyrim.
Mallory, I can’t wait to read the feminist historical thriller (dollop of killer bees here, dash of cursed tombs there) that I’m sure you’re going to write someday. SERIOUSLY
FLY, YOU FOOLS!
As the archaeology team turns to hoist the coffin on the table at the lab, one looks at another. “Sew… we hhave foound it aht lahst… thees will make The Fuhrer very hhappy indeed.”*
Down the hall, from a broom closet with a curiously plentiful number of padlocks securing it and a number of desks shoved up against it came a muffled voice, hollering. “IT BELONGS IN A MUSEEEUUUUUM.”
*insert undifferentiated European Accent Here, indicating that the speaker is A Baddie. Well the mention of The Fuhrer would, too.
So what do we think is inside?
I think they have confused the lead for dusky silver and inside is Vampyre Richard II.
I would also accept Morgaine Le Fay. As a theory, not an overlord.
Or just the monster Richard died protecting us from …
Word on le Fay.
Ahaha seriously, it’s like they never read Abhorsen. You are going to have to rebind the horrible dead creature you release in like gold and bones and daisy chains, hope you’re ready for that, dude.
brb finding set of seven ensorcelled bells and booking flight to England
(yes the paths of the dead are faster but also more treacherous)
Rules of the project:
1. No archeologists called Nicholas, Nick or any other variations thereof may work on this project.
2. Straws must be drawn to decide who will sacrifice their hand.
3. De-sensitisation training must be undergone for if or when Dog makes her sacrifice. Even if she is a immortal being.
4. DON’T LAY DOWN IN THE RIVER.
I would take the patdown at Security, I’m a little afraid of what would happen when Astarael goes through the x-ray
“Massive confusion and chaos at JFK this morning centered on a security checkpoint in the Delta wing. The center of the problem appears to be a musical instrument of some sort, which has caused the implosion and apparent meltdown of three x-ray scanners, as well as the deaths of two security guards and the madness of seven more. The owner of the offending item was seen standing off to the side of the scene shaking her head and saying “I told them.””
who among us has been baptized with the Charter marks
who among us has walked through the Ninth Gate
who among us can fell the Gorecrows in the sky
I misread that as “who among us has walked through the Ninth Grade.”
And I thought… most of us I should think? Does that make me especially qualified for dealing with Unholy Enemies? And then thought… well, actually, yeah, it does.
It is the Destroyer of worlds, whose nature is to oppose creation with annihilation. Long ago, beyond counting in years, It was defeated. Broken in two, each half bound within a silver hemisphere, and those hemispheres secured with seven bonds and buried deep beneath the earth. Never to be released, or so it was thought.
dammit people now I’m going to have to read the whole trilogy again
Great, now I’m going to have to invest in a TRIPLE coffin if I want to terrify future archaeologists.
Be sure to cover all of the coffins with runes and other religious symbols to up the eeriness factor.
I’ve always thought it would be cool to go get covered in woad tattoos and when I was about to expire anyway have someone garrotte me, slit my throat and then break my thighs once I was dead. Then they could throw me in a bog. Well, throw me in a bog after peeling back some layers so I am in about the right strata.
in future generations, archaeologists would ask “why does this woman with 21st century teeth show up dead in an Iron Age fashion?”
And from wherever dead pranksters go when they die, I could cackle and think “man, that garrotting was *so* worth it.”
Be sure to be buried gagged and with your hands and feet bound.
Oh, yes. And with a cheese wrapped in leaves. Ancient Briton Baby-Bel style.
Seal it with as many locks and seals as humanly possible, it’s like CATNIP to archaeologists. They can’t resist.
Well, lead is used as a shield against radiation. I can only assume the glowing bones of the very first Incredible Hulk lie within.
Oh, Science.
*shakes head indulgently*
Oh my GOD I thought you were making the whole thing up, and then I went to the link. Holy shit, England.
Oh come on, it’s not like we have a habit of this.
It’s not like we recently unearthed plague pits and tried to reconstitute the black death from the parts of flesh found on the skulls of the dead, after all.
Oh, wait.
WE TOTALLY DID THAT.
They are trying to kill us, I swear. I go to Leicester often, and I just know that there is going to be some horrible thing that comes out and murders everyone.
Connie Willis says so, it must be true.
This from the same species that said “Yeah, let’s try cloning mammoths and dinosaurs, why not? What could go wrong?” EVEN AFTER JURASSIC PARK CLEARLY ANSWERED THIS QUESTION.
Yo, I heard you like frightening the inhabitants of the living world, so I put a coffin in your coffin so you can haunt while you gaunt.
My desk mate does not appreciate the coffee I just spit all over our shared space, sir.
Ha ha, YOU LAUGH but there actually is a creepy folk tale in Leicester about a Witchy Hag TM called Black Annis who used crone juju to bring down Richard III: http://www.merciangathering.com/black_annis.htm
Annis are you OK
Will you tell us that you’re OK
There’s a sign in the coffins
That they trapped you-lead burial, Annis
They came into the Dane Hills
Tired of your curses and your child kills
Then you ran into your bower
You were struck down
It was your doom
have I told you lately that I love you?
How, how, how was this not made up. How. Answer: London, the new|old Hellmouth.
Come on, scientists, Prince #RoyalBaby isn’t even a week old and you’ve already unearthed him a nemesis who will cover the world in shadow and ash.
I assume Queen Elizabeth will be baptizing young Prince George with salt water and wrapping his tiny hands around the hilt of the Blade of the Sun-Sworn any day now. “I defeated Hitler’s dark champions with this sword in combat deep within the Shadowy Glen,” she murmurs to the sleeping child. “I pray it serves you as well as it did me.”
“And what hymns did you have in mind for the christening?”
“O Fortuna,” Kate replies, her voice steady, her eyes clear and sure. “Please advise the archbishop that there will be no reception after the christening. After the christening-” She looks to Will, Pippa, Harry, Beatrice, Eugenie, her companions in arms- her family. “We ride to war.”
yes yes a thousand times YES
I assume Harry will bring his staff of rowan-wood to battle, and bind the Other at the last with withes of ash and mistletoe?
YEAH!! The Queen had hoped that they would never again have to unearth the sacred objects under Tintagel (as in the stories from those witches who have only read Tennyson and The Mists of Avalon), the crown and the hat and the boot and the paw and the whip and the staff, but it’s too late it’s too late.
Harry Hotspur no less!
i love this thread so much.
Final scene of Time Bandits. “Don’t touch it, it’s EVIL!”
you guys are AMAZING
I was going to say, The Toast readership is tearing it up today. <3 The Toast
“An older coffin, this one made of stone. Within that coffin rests a second coffin made of lead. Within the second coffin is something unknown.”
Um, so this is like, totally Dracula’s coffin, right?
CLEARLY OBVIOUSLY why are they even messing with this thing. No good can come of this.
This comment thread is probably the best one on the internet, to be honest with you all.
They are trying to kill us, I swear. I go to Leicester often, and I just know that there is going to be some horrible thing that comes out and murders everyone.
this is late you guys, but HOLY SHIT:
“6,000-year-old ‘Halls of the Dead’ unearthed in England” http://www.nbcnews.com/science/6-000-year-old-hal…
IT COMES