Astrologically Inscrutable Couples -The Toast

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Astrologically Incompatible Couples That Seem Like They’re Doing Fine:

Jay Z (Sagittarius), Beyoncé (Virgo)

Bill Gates (Scorpio), Melinda Gates (Leo)

Barack Obama (Leo), Michelle Obama (Capricorn)

Danny DeVito (Scorpio), Rhea Perlman (Aries)

Dan Savage (Libra), Terry Miller (Pisces)

Maury Povich (Capricorn), Connie Chung (Leo)

Aishwarya Rai (Scorpio), Abhishek Bacchan (Aquarius)

Bill Clinton (Leo), Hillary Clinton (Scorpio) (They’re fine!)

Oprah (Aquarius), Stedman (Pisces) and Gayle (Capricorn)

Me (Virgo), my best friend (Libra)

 

Astrologically Incompatible Couples That Were, In Fact, Incompatible:

Henry VIII (Cancer), Catherine of Aragon (Sagittarius)

Richard Burton (Pisces), Elizabeth Taylor (Leo)

Ellen Degeneres (Aquarius), Anne Heche (Gemini)

Nora Ephron (Taurus), Carl Bernstein (Aquarius)

Padma Lakshmi (Virgo), Salman Rushdie (Gemini)

Frida Kahlo (Cancer), Diego Rivera (Sagittarius)

Tom Cruise (Cancer), Katie Holmes (Sagittarius)

Jane Austen (Sagittarius), Harris Bigg-Wither (Taurus)

Ben Affleck (Leo), Jennifer Lopez (Leo)

Me (Virgo), this one guy, ugh, it doesn’t even matter (Aries)

 

Astrologically Compatible Couples That Couldn’t Make It Work:

Henry VIII (Cancer), Anne of Cleves (Virgo)

Brad Pitt (Sagittarius), Jennifer Aniston (Aquarius)

Dina Lohan (Virgo), Michael Lohan (Taurus)

Lord Byron (Aquarius), Augusta Leigh (Aquarius)

Julius Caesar (Cancer), Cleopatra (Scorpio)

Amy Poehler (Virgo), Will Arnett (Taurus)

Patti Smith (Capricorn), Robert Mapplethorpe (Scorpio)

John Lennon (Libra), Paul McCartney (Gemini)

Me (Virgo), my ex-boyfriends (Virgo, Capricorn)

My ex-boyfriends with each other (Virgo, Capricorn)

 

Astrologically Compatible Couples That Make You Believe In, If Not Astrology, Magic:

Nick Offerman (Cancer), Megan Mullally (Scorpio)

Gloria Estefan (Virgo), Emilio Estefan (Pisces)

Ellen DeGeneres (Aquarius), Portia de Rossi (Aquarius)

Kanye West (Gemini), Kim Kardashian (Libra)

My parents (Leo, Sagittarius)

Alison Howard lives in DC, where she's the scourge of her local dog park.

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