A new set of horoscopes by Madame Clairevoyant.

A new set of horoscopes by Madame Clairevoyant, formerly of The Rumblr.

Aries: It’s not so much that you’ve been waiting, not that you’ve been holding back all summer, just that all of your growth has been happening quietly, in the dark, under the surface. Things inside you have been changing almost too slowly to notice, but now they might start coming to the surface. This month, things that have been blurry will start

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Aries: It's a classic Aries move to die in the Fall of Constantinople in 1453. Aries are independent, sometimes moody, generous, and incapable of surviving the onslaught of Sultan Mehmed II's army once they cross the north side of the Golden Horn. Whether you're a soldier in Mehmed's service or a terrified member of the Byzantine royal family cowering in the city's crumbling defenses, there's no way you're making it out of the siege alive. Taurus:…

The Toast presents a new set of horoscopes by Madame Clairevoyant, formerly of The Rumblr. Aries: This month might feel like the ocean; this month might feel like the wind. This is a month for you to float, for you to feel the rhythm of the tides and the tug of the moon, for you to feel your body light as air. Your thoughts might not feel quite solid, and this isn’t a bad…

You probably didn't even KNOW about Helga the Bundt Cake.

Astrologically Incompatible Couples That Seem Like They’re Doing Fine:

Jay Z (Sagittarius), Beyoncé (Virgo)

Bill Gates (Scorpio), Melinda Gates (Leo)

Barack Obama (Leo), Michelle Obama (Capricorn)

Danny DeVito (Scorpio), Rhea Perlman (Aries)

Dan Savage (Libra), Terry Miller (Pisces)

Maury Povich (Capricorn), Connie Chung (Leo)

Aishwarya Rai (Scorpio), Abhishek Bacchan (Aquarius)

Bill Clinton (Leo), Hillary Clinton (Scorpio) (They’re fine!)

Oprah (Aquarius), Stedman (Pisces) and Gayle (Capricorn)

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