What scene was it? That scene at the end of Braveheart where the English guys are tearing Mel Gibson up into little Mel Gibson pieces for being so brave and not gay like the English king’s gay son and his punk friends are hiding in the crowd but they’re too scared to stand up for him because they’re not Mel Gibson and his perfect dead wife starts moving through the crowd and he yells “FREEDOM” because that’s all that Mel Gibson wants.
What ruined it? The Passion. A thousand right-wing Christian boys in a thousand Braveheart-poster bedecked dorm rooms couldn’t ruin Braveheart for me, but The Passion could.
What can’t I stop thinking of now if I happen to see it? This is literally how Mel Gibson sees himself, all of the time.
What scene was it? That scene from Maverick where Mel Gibson and James Garner are in those adorable Cialis bathtubs and then Jodie Foster sweeps in and you find out that she double-crossed them after they double-crossed her and she had sex with both of them and they still like her and they’re probably going to chase after her to get the money back and part of the movie was on a boat!!!! That’s so charming! I want to be on a boat with James Garner!
What ruined it? This.
What can’t I stop thinking of now if I happen to see it? Why is Jodie Foster still friends with him? Why is Jodie Foster still friends with him? If this were high school, and I knew her even a little bit, I would text her incessantly:
you know nobody likes him right
like nobody
what are you doing later
come hang out with me and Clay and Cassie ok
like your cool obviously but dont bring him
its weird that you like him
people arent going to like you as much if you keep hanging out with him
so
just think about that i guess
but you should still come over
What scene was it? That scene in Mutiny on the Bounty where Mel Gibson won’t leave his new wife and go back to England no matter how mean Anthony Hopkins gets because he loves herrrrr!
What ruined it? “After 26 years of marriage, Mel and Robyn Gibson separated on 29 July 2006. In a 2011 interview, Gibson stated that the separation began the day following his arrest for drunk driving in Malibu. Robyn Gibson filed for divorce on 13 April 2009, citing irreconcilable differences. In a joint statement, the Gibsons declared, ‘Throughout our marriage and separation we have always strived to maintain the privacy and integrity of our family and will continue to do so.’ The divorce filing followed the March 2009 release of photographs appearing to show him on a beach embracing Russian pianist Oksana Grigorieva.”
What can’t I stop thinking of now if I happen to see it? Anthony Hopkins would never try to pull that shit.
What scene was it? That scene in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome where Tina Turner could have killed Mel Gibson but she doesn’t because on some level they really get each other and she respects him as, like, a man, you know? Even though he drove over a bunch of her friends with his car. He’s friends with Tina Turner! I wish I was friends with Tina Turner! “What’s Love Got To Do With It” is so good. Her legs are so amazing! How old is she? At least 75, right? Man, she’s got great legs.
What ruined it? HE DOESN’T THINK THE HOLOCAUST REALLY HAPPENED.
What can’t I stop thinking of now if I happen to see it? MEL GIBSON DOESN’T THINK THE HOLOCAUST REALLY HAPPENED.
What scene was it? That scene in Lethal Weapon where Danny Glover doesn’t “get” how much pain Mel Gibson is in and Mel Gibson almost commits suicide right in front of him because he doesn’t even freaking care.
What ruined it? That time Frank Rich said the Holocaust happened and Mel Gibson said ”I want to kill him. I want his intestines on a stick…. I want to kill his dog.”
What can’t I stop thinking of now if I happen to see it? I definitely think the Holocaust happened. What if Mel Gibson tries to kill my dog?
[Images via Wikimedia Commons and Rotten Tomatoes]
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Tags: braveheart, jodie foster, lethal weapon, look at the guy how did we not see this coming, maverick, mel gibson, why are you even still friends with him, why does wikipedia have this intense sketch of mel gibson
It used to be cool that he & I were both Mel.
And then suddenly it wasn’t.
And if Jodie Foster wants a friend named Mel,
I can help her out.
Because unlike that other Mel –
I know What Women Want
(Answer: not dbags named Mel,
is what.)
danny glover
GODDAMMIT YOU’RE RIGHT AND I EVEN LOOKED IT UP TO MAKE SURE BECAUSE EVERYONE DOES IT AND IT’S SO STUPID AND I SAID TO MYSELF “OKAY IT’S DANNY GLOVER” and then I did it anyways. Fixed, ahhh.
It’s OK we’ve all done it at least once.
This is the part where my heart breaks because…
…
…
Braveheart is one of my least favorite movies ever. I don’t mind if you’re going to be spectacularly historically inaccurate (okay, I DO mind but I can deal) but when you’re historically inaccurate in the service of the shittiest, most exploitative, most heteronormative and weirdly emotionally selfish agendas ever, I can’t even at all. Eff that noise. I threw my shoe at the TV when I was watching it.
/medieval-history-major-feelings
That movie was so good when I was nine, though.
That is a legitimately fair point and I stand corrected.
[goes off to kick rocks]
You watched that movie when you were nine? Like, with the defenestrations and fiery deaths and gut-ripping and everything? That makes me feel better about letting my 10-year-old watch LOTR (the extended versions).
My little sister (now 21) wouldn’t go see The Hobbit because my mom made her come with us to LOTR back in the day and it scared her too much.
Even though I had no idea what was going on in this movie, my brother and I watched it several times through out our childhood. I was always worried about the horses in the movie getting hurt. That was my main concern.
I had the same experience with Jurassic Park which I have seen many times, but it never made sense until I was older that I understood what was going on.
The soundtrack is great for LARPing.
Dude is like the Hulk Hogan of acting
I first saw it on a middle school field trip (whyyyy? Then again, my high school art teacher left us Borat to watch when she was out), and then in college for a class called “War Stories.” After that viewing, our professor did a 20-minute presentation on every major historical inaccuracy in the movie. It’s basically entirely made up! Which made me wonder why they even bothered pretending it was at all based in fact. (Okay, I assume it was for $$$$ purposes.)
And Melis, you had/have a much stronger stomach and eyes to have liked it at age nine. I spent half of it hiding my eyes while my best friend delightedly narrated the gore to me.
There’s now a monument in Scotland that now features a statue of William Wallace that looks remarkably like Mel Gibson. The reasoning was “well no one knows what he looked like, and everyone comes here for Braveheart anyway.”
When I was there our tour guide was like, “this is a shitty statue that everyone hates & we burned the artist in effigy so let’s go laugh at it & then I’ll tell you the real story while we hike up that long ass trail to the castle.” He was an awesome tour guide (not only because of that).
Can I be That Kid on the comment thread and ask: What do/should you (you-you, or the general you) do about Artists Who Behave Poorly? Like, Roman Polanski: Monster. Can I still watch Chinatown if the DVD was a gift? If someones mentions The Pianist, should I launch into my speech about he should be extradited and tried, or is it sufficient to spit on the ground when his name is uttered? AM I A BAD PERSON IF I KIND OF WANTED TO SEE CARNAGE
The way I deal with this is: He can’t live forever. I’ll watch Chinatown when he’s dead and gone.
I like this rationalization. It’s pretty much what I think every time I listen to Wagner.
Now I know terrible things about him.
I was jawing with a friend about this on twitter the other day. A lot of people strenuously advocate for art-artist separation but the extent to which people will stretch themselves to deny the crimes of talented people would seem to make the sentiment blatantly self-contradictory. If art truly existed apart from its makers we would not hold makers with the reverence we do.
So in that sense enjoying the art of an abuser (and there are so many of them – John Lennon, Bob Marley, Alec Baldwin, Bill Murray, the list goes on) is much like eating meat, something that we do while knowing its implications are barely or not justifiable. Ultimately you’re far less accountable for watching The Pianist than the openly reactionary European film culture and Polanski’s remaining buddies in Hollywood are for continuing to support him in spite of his guilt. He’s a rather open beneficiary of patriarchy.
And you should always spit, in any event. Classic tough guy move.
I’m going to go ahead and say “no” to that last one, because most artists are assholes and lots of the dead ones (see above, legit point) were horrible in ways now conveniently smothered by the ~sands of time.~ But as to your first question: YES COULD A GROWNUP PLEASE ADDRESS THIS ISSUE
My friends are wonderful, ultra-conscious people who are wearing me the fuck out with their limitless capacity to remember and reference every single internet-frothing transgression committed by contemporary artists of all stripes. On the other hand, I’ve had to dispose of a few other friends to escape their conspiracy theories and victim blaming, all because the transgressor made some rly gr8 movies. Surely there’s a middle ground somewhere. Maybe we could all carve totems or strung beads to fondle while we turn and spit to purge evil spirits before watching library DVDs.
AHHHHHHH I didn’t know he directed The Pianist. I loved that movie and now I feel guilty.
PIRATE EVERYTHING
Seriously. When Ender’s Game comes out, I am illegally downloading it WITH A VENGEANCE. Orson Scott Card is not getting a single cent from me.
Basically, I don’t think that the fact that we now know that Roman Polanski is a monster inherently changes the meaning/pleasure of his work (like, I don’t think there’s suddenly more offensive material in his work now that we know more about him) but I think that it does inevitably alter how we feel about them as cultural artifacts. We all kind of need to figure out for ourselves how we feel about supporting that person (which is, on some level, different from supporting the work). It is so much easier to let the work speak for itself when the author is dead…
(Sorry, Barthes.)
I’m glad nothing’s ruined Bird on a Wire cuz seeing his butt in that movie made me feel things I couldn’t t quite describe when I was 10.
Indirectly related: yesterday an acquaintance posted a news story about Neil Armstrong dying and how sad he was… which, I guess maybe he missed it when it actually happened and just found out? And then another acquaintance commented about how the moon landing was faked, in elaborate detail. I kind of wonder if the whole thing was some kind of performance art that I just didn’t get.
I still whole-heartedly and unabashedly love Maverick, though.
mallory, when are you going to write the full version “texts from jodie foster” or i guess “texts from mallory to jodie foster.” i would read that.
I would very much like to see that, and also “Ruined Scenes from Tom Cruise Movies.”
Cialis bathtubs
The scene in The Patriot where (SPOILER) Heath Ledger’s character is killed: I remember when that happened clearly thinking “Fuck this, forever.” It’s the only movie I ever walked out of.
Anthony Hopkins would never try to pull that shit. But he might enjoy Mel Gibson’s liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Even though I had no idea what was going on in this movie, my brother and I watched it several times through out our childhood. I was always worried about the horses in the movie getting hurt. That was my main concern.
I had the same experience with Jurassic Park which I have seen many times, but it never made sense until I was older that I understood what was going on.
Now I know terrible things about him.