Recasting the First Five SATC Episodes -The Toast

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PILOT: At a birthday party for thirty-something Miranda, Carrie and her friends vow to stop worrying about finding the “perfect” male and start having sex “like men”. Carrie has several encounters with tycoon heartthrob Mr. Big (IDRIS ELBA). Miranda starts dating nice-guy Skipper Johnston (DANNY PUDI). Charlotte goes on a date with Capote Duncan (MICHAEL FASSBENDER), but when she tells him she won’t have sex with him, he goes to a club and winds up going home with Samantha.

MODELS AND MORTALS: After Miranda and Skipper bump into each other at the convenience store, they sleep together for the first time. Carrie interviews Barkley (RYAN PHILLIPE), a modelizer who videotapes his conquests. Derek (CHANNING TATUM), a male model client of Stanford Blatch (STANLEY TUCCI), spends the night with Carrie after a fashion show, although they don’t sleep together. Samantha chases Barkley while at a fashion show, in order to be taped.

BAY OF MARRIED PIGS: Carrie is invited to go up to their Hamptons beach house by Patience (JENNIFER WESTFELDT) and Peter (TIMOTHY OLYPHANT), but in the morning she bumps into Peter in the hall without his underwear on (YES). Some friends introduce her to Sean (VINCENT KARTHEISER), ‘The Marrying Guy’; when she can’t keep up on his quick-march to commitment, he ditches her for commitment-phile Charlotte. Miranda’s colleague from work, Jeff (COLUMBUS SHORT), introduces her to a lesbian, Sid (ELLEN PAGE), at a baseball game, and they are invited to her senior partner’s dinner party (SHE REALIZES SHE IS GAY AND EVERYTHING CHANGES BUT SID IS ULTIMATELY TOO YOUNG FOR HER).

VALLEY OF THE TWENTY-SOMETHING GUYS: Mr. Big (still IDRIS ELBA) and Carrie continue to bump into each other during social events, which leads them to try to organize their first “drink thing”. On a night out, Carrie meets twenty-something Sam (no longer TIMOTHY OLYPHANT, but rather CHRIS HEMSWORTH) for a fling, which turns out not to be so glamorous in the light of day.

THE POWER OF FEMALE SEX: Carrie bumps into international party-girl Amalita (PAZ DE LA HUERTA) and her latest man Carlo (CHRISTOPH WALTZ) in a shoe store, who in turn introduce her to a French Architect, Gilles (BENJAMIN MILLEPIED). He leaves Carrie $1,000 on the nightstand after a one-night stand. Charlotte meets Neville Morgan (DANIEL DAE KIM), a renowned artist, who paints pictures of her vagina for his latest exhibition.

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