Previous editions of the Quotable Jane Austen for Evil People can be found here. Most recently: Mansfield Park.
When your friend asks if you like her new haircut:
“We are not all born to be handsome.”
When ickily scamming on some chick named [Something] Elliot at a garden show:
“You need not be afraid, Miss Elliot, of your own sweet flower gardens being neglected.”
When your son tells you he’s gotten a merit-based scholarship to nursing school:
“Nursing does not belong to a man; it is not his province.”
When you know Anne is in the next room, but you just really want to make your dislike for her clear:
“Then I’m sure Anne had better stay, for nobody will want her in Bath.”
When you’re crafting your OkCupid profile:
“Anybody between fifteen and thirty may have me for asking.”
When announcing your intention to violate your father’s trusted collaborator’s intellectual property rights:
“I have been making a duplicate of the cataloge of my father’s books and pictures.”
When devaluing someone’s lived experience of chronic illness:
“I wish you could persuade Mary not to be always fancying herself ill.”
When telling your partner you don’t do oral:
“I have not nerves for the sort of thing.”
When your quivering prey asks you how many blows are yet to come:
“Sixty, or perhaps sixty-two.”
When your husband finds you in bed with someone on shore leave:
“Sailors work hard enough for their comforts, we must all allow.”
When really upping your nasty game on [Something] Elliot:
“I should recommend Miss Elliot to be on her guard with respect to her flower garden.”
Tags: books, jane austen, persuasion, the images for this series will always be of lady catherine regardless of the book in question, the quotable jane austen for evil people
I’m going to be using ‘no-one shall want her/him/them in bath’ as my way of saying a person is utterly unlikeable from now on. Thanks, Nicole!
Im going to be using ‘upping my nasty game’ extensively.
Pfffttsnerk.
This will be very useful to me, thank you.
MacCrocodile–is your user name a reference to The (underrated) 39 Steps?
It is! You are the first person to get that without my explaining it! To be fair, I like to explain things because I’m that kind of obnoxious person.
Yay! I love that movie, because I am pathetic and think the part where they are handcuffed together is really hot–as hot as one can get for a film at that time. But me, aside, that movie is really good.
Nicole, you pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. […] I have loved none but you.
Perfect timing!
Two Jane Austen pieces in one day – oh, Toast, you are so good to me!
Two Jane Austen pieces in one day – oh, Toast, you are so good to me!
“I am not fond of the idea of my shrubberies being always approachable”
heh heh heh.
My friend’s husband is a nurse – I want to get that quote embroidered on a pillow for them 😉
the images for this series will always be of lady catherine regardless of the book in question
As is only meet and proper.
<3
“You need not be afraid, Miss Elliot, of your own sweet flower gardens being neglected.”
Is this quote about VAGINAS!?
Everything is always a quote about vaginas.
“You need not be afraid, Miss Elliot, of your own sweet flower gardens being neglected.”
Is this quote about VAGINAS!?
You’re spoiling me with Jane Austen and Willie Nelson today!