Previous editions of the Quotable Jane Austen for Evil People can be found here.
When a guy at a party asks if you want to go see a movie with him next weekend:
“Do not you know that, of all things upon earth, that is the least likely to happen?”
When preparing your children for the arrival of your foreign exchange student from Scotland:
“We shall probably see much to wish altered in her, and must prepare ourselves for gross ignorance, some meanness of opinions, and very distressing vulgarity of manner.”
When talking to a third party about your friend’s fondness for white denim:
“I am sure I should have been ashamed of myself, if I had not known better long before I was as old as she.”
When discussing your niece’s decision to attend a state college instead of going to Bard like your own daughter:
“To be sure, my dear, that is very stupid indeed, and shows a great want of genius and emulation.”
When informing your child that you’ve decided to murder her and bury her with her dead aunt:
“So, Fanny, you are going to leave us, and live with my sister. How shall you like it?”
When loudly commenting on the prelude at a child’s violin recital:
“This is not a very promising beginning.”
When gazing down the rows to select a sacrifice for the giant ape:
“A girl of fifteen!”
When telling your housekeeper that you will not be giving her bus fare to your knitting retreat in Big Sur:
“But you must come up and tack on my patterns just the same.”
When announcing your divorce to your six year old son:
“It can make very little difference to you, whether you are in one home or the other.”
When attempting to convince terminally-ill patients to check into your homeopathic clinic:
“Stay with us, and we will cure you.”
When justifying your decision to dump a visiting cousin on your babysitter without advance notice or more money:
“It will be just the same to Miss Lee whether she has three girls to teach, or only two–there can be no difference.”
When refusing to throw a rope to Mr. Crawford as he sinks further into the swamp:
“Mr. Crawford must take care of himself.”
Works Referenced:
Jane Austen, Mansfield Park (Indiebound | Amazon)
Related Posts:
Tags: books, evil, jane austen, mansfield park, the quotable jane austen for evil people
When gazing down the rows to select a sacrifice for the giant ape:
“A girl of fifteen!”
–
I do love you, you know.
Violin concert and knitting retreat are totally 19th century Lucille Bluth, right?
Violin concert and knitting retreat are totally 19th century Lucille Bluth, right?
So wonderful.
These are all the best! But I will admit, the Lady Catherine de Bourgh stills at the top of this and the last make me JONES for the P&P one!
Seconded! Especially since Mr. Bennett is the king of epic burns…
“An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents.—Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do.”
I’m going to start saying “Stay with us, and we will cure you” to ward off possible unwanted houseguests.
I'm going to start saying "Stay with us, and we will cure you" to ward off possible unwanted houseguests.
When explaining the appeal-deficit of your nonsense outdoor acticities:
“I must move. Resting fatigues me.—I have looked across the ha-ha till I am weary. I must go and look through that iron gate at the same view, without being able to see it so well.”
I wouldn’t save Mr. Crawford either; he deserves it.
Love, love, love this!
Love, love, love this!
I’m commenting super late, but this is great, I hope you do more of these! P&P edition please?
I'm commenting super late, but this is great, I hope you do more of these! P&P edition please?
“Of Rears and Vices I saw enough.” Yes, Jane, we saw what you did there.
“So, Fanny, you are going to leave us, and live with my sister. How shall you like it?” – I love it