Some of the greatest songs in the world all have conditional titles. Anything that starts with “If” is almost certainly going to be good. Here are two of Merle Haggard’s greatest “If” songs, both of which coincidentally happen to be about December and Mondays and are thus particularly relevant to us.
“If We Make It Through December” is a very good song; almost every song that is set at Christmastime but is not cheerful is guaranteed to break my heart. It’s quietly rather than melodramatically sad. Things might get better. If spring comes, if the money holds out, if they can make it to someplace warm, things might get better.
The steel guitars that open “If We’re Not Back In Love By Monday” are like twin steel knives quietly serrating my damn heart. He wants so little: a trip to a cafe with a table by the window, a little room service in a modest hotel, a weekend in Florida without the kids, just to make sure they haven’t fallen out of love altogether.
But if they’re not back in love by Monday, they can go their separate ways. Mrs. Johnson will get paid for watching the kids no matter what they decide, so there’s at least that.
Merle Haggard is the official Toast spokesman for the month of December; if you need me I will be quietly curled up in the corner until it’s spring.
[Image via Flickr]
Tags: december, hold me and tell me the sun will come back again, merle haggard, sad songs
As someone who’s having a rough time seeing how to get through December, that first song hit me upside the head with feels.
However, I’ve gotta take issue with Mr. Haggard claiming that December is the coldest time of winter. At least here, it’s got nothing on late January, which is terrible and unending.
January and February are the coldest months where I am. December is pretty mild. It seems incongruous to me, because I grew up in a place where winter begins in earnest in November, and the darkest time of the year (December) is also about the middle of winter. Everything feels off now.
Joni Mitchell’s “River” always hits me where it hurts.
A comprehensive list of acceptable Christmas songs:
1. River
2. The Fairytale of New York END OF LIST
I am fond of that Mariah Carey song but I am ashamed to admit it…
Never be ashamed of how much you like that song. It is a gem, transcending the accepted range of months in which it should be listened to.
Ahem. Are you referring to the one that she redid with Biebs the other year, the video of which includes several shots of her wearing a really really really attractive little Santa dress?
So Much Wine by The Handsome Family
Ugh I hate winter so much. And the BBs birthday is right smack in the middle of winter so they’ll never get an outdoor party because it’s cold as balls, but also it doesn’t snow enough here to make it fun-cold either.
Half-birthday celebraters, unite! My birthday is in August so I always celebrated my half-birthday when I was in college so we could go out and party. Now I am old, and have just regular birthday parties. If that.
To Australia for birthday celebrations!
Move. My youngest’s bday is Jan 2 (born 1-2-2000, how perverse is he? Popped out 2 weeks early, but wouldn’t make it 15 days, even though I was in labor on 1-1-00?)
ANYWAY, we always had bouncy castle & pinata parties for him when he was little, because it was always going to be perfectly pleasant out. I think your only option is to relocate to Houston or thereabouts.
I was doing JUST FINE until he couldn’t explain the lack of presents to his little girl, then I curled up into a ball and am typing this through misty eyes.
MERLE! Merle will make this season bearable for us all.
Even if his music has inspired a legion of terrible, terrible neck tattoos that say “Mama Tried” in spindly spider script or poorly drawn Old English lettering (at least in my part of the country).
MERLE! Merle will make this season bearable for us all.
Even if his music has inspired a legion of terrible, terrible neck tattoos that say "Mama Tried" in spindly spider script or poorly drawn Old English lettering (at least in my part of the country).
I would also like to recommend “Listening to Otis Redding at Home During Christmas” by Okkervil River for a very sad song about December.
“December” by Regina Spektor, obvs.
oh wow feels. how do I always forget about this song???
I heartily approve of this because often I think that Merle Haggard is the official spokesman for MY LIFE.