Merry Christmas, gang! We’ll be publishing our promised queer poly triad bed-purchasing piece at 10am (!) and then we’re saying farewell for the rest of the week. Talk to us in this thread until we’re back! Oh, and a very happy birthday to those of you who feel overshadowed by the national holiday. You are dear to us.
Illustrator: Matt Lubchansky
Tags: christmas, matt lubchansky, open thread
My brother gave my cat a bunch of wet food and catnip for Christmas. He’s an enormous unrepentant asshat who will probably not be spared in the revolution, but his love for my cat is completely adorable.
So, second against the wall, then?
Two things: Christmas eve goose means Christmas morning home fries cooked in goose fat. The other thing is that my boyfriend attempted to buy me a replica Ulfberht sword as a gift, but it was on backorder and did not arrive. So he made me a scale replica. Out of duct tape.
Bonus thing: we both ended up getting each other dvds of the 13th Warrior. Yeah… we had a bit of a theme this Christmas, I guess?
I didn’t receive a single book about “Christian Womanhood” (you know, the kind that doesn’t need any of your icky, liberal feminism, because feminism destroys God’s plan for you) this year. I am marking this Christmas as an overwhelming success!
I watched “Blackfish” last night, so.
It’s…not about the unmarried, badass uncle of the Tully clan?
I love you and your references
Dawww.
Apparently the antidote is “Free Willy.”
Is it as depressing as it seems? I watched the Cove and then figured I would only read about captivity atrocities, but I keep hearing about Blackfish and I’m curious!
It was the most depressing thing imaginable.
My husband reviewed Blackfish (obligatory link!), and just faintly hearing the screener through his earbuds and catching the occasional scene – and especially seeing his reactions – as he watched on his laptop was enough to send me out of the room.
Thanks for the review! I know enough now to never, ever watch it.
I do eventually want to see that, but as someone who was so traumatized by Free Willy as a child that I have refused to step foot in any park that houses captive orcas ever since, I’m sure it will hurt like hell to watch it. So I have to brace myself. I am glad to see it’s on Netflix and therefore I will not have to go out to a theater and let other people see me bawling, at least.
Christmas is no fun this year. My aunt passed unexpectedly; my ex has come out of the woodwork to… I have no idea, torture me?; my good friend’s bro-in-law passed, too young; everyone’s tense and sad and ugh.
On the up hand, there is champagne and my mother is making cheesecake, so, at least we’ll be well-fed and drunk.
Hey–I’m so sorry about your aunt and the other sorrows in your life. My mom died in a December, and her birthday is in January, so the holidays haven’t been the same for me since. It’s okay to just get drunk and say “fuck the universe” even when other people are making merry. I’m wishing you and your mom comfort and more cheesecake.
I am sorry for your losses and the hideousness. Someone said to me recently that Christmas is a magnifier – if hings are good, it’s marvellous, and if not then it’s really really tough. Be kind to yourselves and enjoy the cheesecake – it will get better!
This is such a simple truth: holidays amplify our lives, and we don’t always get to choose which notes get cranked up to eleven.
toast_and_jam, I’m so sorry for your losses. Champagne and cheesecake sound like excellent medicine.
My late, lamented father loved cheesecake; I used to make him a cheesecake every year for either his birthday or Christmas, or sometimes just because I was there visiting. Cheesecake became the dessert of my dad, and I never make it for myself or for anyone else.
I think it’s time to make a cheesecake for myself. Hugs to you, and we’ll get through our losses together.
That sounds terrible, I’m sorry you have to go through all of that. Best wishes for kindness and comfort during the holidays.
I want to thank you for providing me with another source of “smart” writing. This old, married, white-guy enjoys all the wisdom he can find.
Merry Christmas! Or as my daughter and I call it, Marymas, since it was the Patriarchy that has hoodwinked people for centuries by teaching that the Holiday is about a Father and Son, when it’s clearly about the sacrifice of a Mother.
I may have gone on a rant about the matriarchy last night when my aunt made the mistake of referring to my uncle as the family patriarch.
Happy holidays to all.
I am channelling Anyanka and celebrating Gurnenthar’s Ascendance. (Which is like Christmas but without any of the bits you don’t enjoy.) I got absolutely no chocolate, which I am faintly bewildered about, but i did get a Fruity Oaty Bar ‘misbehave’ t-shirt and a pendant that says ‘plum puffs won’t minister to a mind diseased’. I’ve had a lovely day and I hope everyone else has as well – and if not, I am sorry and I hope the next one is better.
Dr Who in 6 minutes!
Fruity Oaty Bar: Not Mandatory
In more misandrist Marymas (a la MsHuntingCreek, I love it!) fun: Santa’s reindeer are probably all female, because both sexes grow antlers and only the females can handle such magnificent racks year round – most of the males (except a few that are probably channeling a stronger, more feminine spirit) drop their antlers in the winter. It’s time we start celebrating Rudolph as the heroine she is!
I bolted awake at dawn in the house I’ve been staying at to avoid the power outage, and my charming cousins invited me to Midland to have a proper Christmas morning. It’s been a few long years since my aunt who hosted things passed, and a short year since my grandmother who held the family together followed suit, so this was… brilliant, actually. I’m so happy to still belong in a house where I can watch six blue jays fighting over a feeder in winter time.
Six blue jays and a female woodpecker and a Christmas morning with people I love. It was glorious and I’m delighted to have had it.
Thanks for everything this year, The Toast.
Guess what Christmas gift I’m wearing? My new Blackened Toast hoodie that came just in time for Christmas eve! Like a child, I plan to wear it all day.
I’ve been wearing mine almost constantly since I got it, it is the best hoodie ever.
This reminded me that I’d ordered a tee, but it’s still printing (still?) and will probably be way too large because I lost a ton of weight in a very short period of time. So…I may have a need to trade when it gets here. When were there hoodies available?
I ordered one for my cousin to give at family Xmas tomorrow. It is taking every bit of willpower that I have not to tear into it and put it on myself.
Merry Xmas to all! We had 15 for dinner yesterday and somehow it all worked, and even when my dad got totally sloshed, it was much less messy and angry than usual. So whew!
Merry Christmas everybody!
The creation of The Toast was a major highlight of this year, in my opinion.
BOSTON TOASTIES: Do you exist? Can we be friends? Can it be like it was when I was 9 years old and I saw a girl in a purple bathing suit building a sandcastle at the lake and I was like “HEY I LIKE YOUR SANDCASTLE, DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?” and then we were BFFs for a decade? I want the Toast to be that sandcastle.
Boston Toasties are definitely a thing! We congregate most often in a Boston Hairpin Facebook group, but perhaps it is time for more inclusive moniker.
All this to say, yes, hi! I like your sandcastle! Let’s be friends.
I didn’t even know about the Boston Hairpin thing! And yes, I crave Boston area Toast writers and readers in my life too.
Hooorayyyyy
I am planning to go to the Hairpin book club thing on the 6th (time to reread Gatsby)
I quit Facebook a while ago (because reasons) so I’m not sure if a venue has been chosen for that?
I’m a Maine Toastie, can I count as an area Toastie when you drive up for antiquing trips and whatnot? HI I LIKE YOUR SANDCASTLE.
Yay Maine! Yay everything!
I’m a Maine Toastie too! Yay!
YAY!
WE EXIST I just think many of us were offline for the holiday! WE CAN TOTES HANG OUT.
I love that sandcastle analogy.
It’s a thing that really happened! We are still friends 20+ years later! It was a good sandcastle!
To cap off a bad year, I came down with some sort of death plague last night and have spent the majority of my Christmas on the couch, in pajamas, watching the West Wing. But my parents came over this morning with gifts and medicine and we had a really nice breakfast, and they’re happy and healthy and that’s as much as I can ask for, really.
Also, drowning oneself in tea seems to be a viable remedy for something that, if it’s not the flu, is at least flu-adjacent. Tea and Dayquil!
Oh noooo. Hope you have an extra wonderful New Year’s to make up for it!
Thanks! It is officially flu but hopefully I’ll be better by the time New Year’s rolls around (just in time to go back to work, right?).
Ugh, how awful, but it’s always satisfying to snatch some pleasure and celebration from the jaws of illness as you and your family have today. TAKE THAT, FLU.
Merry Christmas Toasties! Or actually Merry Boxing Day as it is already the 26th here in Australia (dispatches from the future, it’s okay, we all survive!). My Christmas involved copious amounts of good food and super relaxed family times, and was topped off in the evening by drinking scotch with my mum while watching Jaws, which had unaccountably been programmed on TV, not that we were complaining in the slightest.
Tell me you ate ALL THE PRAWNS! I miss Aussie Xmas.
There were PRAWNS AND OYSTERS APLENTY. I’m vegie, but was reliably informed by my family that the prawns were the best they’ve been for years. Also we’re pretty sure my grandfather ate three dozen oysters by himself, but he’s 92 and there’s no way any of us were going to spoil his fun.
I’d do the same if I was 92, how many more opportunities might you have, right?
Exactly!
Where are you? Are there other Australian Toasties (preferably in Brisbane)? I’m jealous of the American meet-ups (especially since I usually live in Chicago. The one year I get to spend back home, I miss Toasties…).
I’m in Melbourne! I would also love to know about any other Aussie Toasties, mainly to have a little band to mourn together the fact that the cruelty of time zones means that we’re all asleep when all the main Toast action is going down.
Merry Christmas! That sounds marvellous. Just curious, do you still get all the Christmas cards and marketing with snowy scenes, or do your cynical retailers recognise that it is even more unlikely for you to have a white christmas than oop north and give you, idk, beach scenes instead?
I also really want to know about Christmas traditions in the Southern Hemisphere (also New Year’s I suppose!) It’s just such a shift to think of those being summer holidays. Paging Mallory and Nicole to have one of the Aussies write an article about this!
We get both snow- and beach-themed Christmas stuff. The ads are mainly beachy, but cards and decorations are often snowy, plus we get all the American tv specials and movies. Santa occasionally wears shorts, but usually he just stays in air conditioning, or looks uncomfortable.
We totally get lots of snowy themed cards, displays and whatnot (which works for me as I don’t deal well with hot weather AT ALL so end up spending a lot of December pretending I’m in some kind of Scandinavian winter wonderland, thanks Xmas advertising for fueling my delusions), but when it gets actually seasonally appropriate you get things like this ad – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyXuALLw18k – which despite knowing too well the emotionally manipulative ways of advertisers still makes a small part of one go “Aww yeah, ‘Straya.”
Ha, that’s super interesting and kinda bizarre! Sweet advert.
Well, a misandrist thread seems the place to dump this story, y’all. I have been keeping this to myself for a long time and I just want to release it into a cleansing fire of misandrist rage and let it go, won’t you help me?
When I was 4 or 5 months pregnant with the triplets – and I mean super-heavily pregnant – I was still working full-time, and making dinner and washing the dishes (by hand; we weren’t using a dishwasher back then) every night. I had to have a chair to sit on as I made dinner because I needed to take frequent rests, and had to reach past my giant belly to get to the sink to wash dishes. One night the dishes were just too much; I was in a lot of pain and I asked Mr. Iceberg to finish them for me. He said no. I was basically doubled over the sink sobbing, asking him to wash the dishes because I couldn’t summon the strength and was hurting so badly, asking him why he refused to help me, and he said “I know how you are. I don’t want you to get lazy and get used to not having to do anything, because there’s going to be a lot more work once the babies arrive.” I managed to finish the dishes, with a lot of rests, in tears and extreme pain.
At my next doctor’s appointment a few days later they found that I was experiencing contractions about a minute apart because my body was under so much stress. I was immediately hospitalized for three days and put on severe bed-rest (basically confined to a couch or bed 24/7) for the remainder of my pregnancy (which turned out to e 3 weeks)
He has never apologized or even acknowledged his role in what happened.
I think he is lucky those dishes didn’t wind up in shards protruding from his lifeless body.
Let’s just say many of my choices since are influenced by the desire to not be a single mother of triplets.
WHAT THE FUCK. I don’t even know where to begin! Literally every conceivable thing is wrong with that!
RIGHT? THANK YOU.
FLAMES. FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FAAAAAAAAAAACE.
Seriously, I am contorted into a rage ball right now.
Your rage is as a balm to my soul, thank you darling.
OMG! Mr Hunting Creek nearly met an untimely end when he did something similar. Our daughter had colic for five months and did not sleep longer than 40 minutes at a time. Finally one night I just could not get up and feed her; I asked him to do it, please. I just could NOT. He said, “you wanted to breastfeed.” I said, I really need to sleep, just for a couple of hours. You promised this would be 50/50.” He then said, ” I only said that while you were pregnant so you wouldn’t get upset.”
THERE WAS NO MORE SLEEPING THAT NIGHT
I remind him of this episode whenever necessary. I also tell this story to my daughter and son whenever they wonder why I don’t ever nag them about grandchildren. Because Men lie when it comes to babies and sleep; they cannot be trusted.
Oh my GOD. *solidarity hugs* at least you have the ovaries to punish him for it! haha.
He said he was crazy due to sleep deprivation. If I lived closer I’d volunteer to watch the BBs occasionally, so you could sleep
Awww. We do get some sleep these days now that they’re older 🙂
my normal thing about pregnant women: you are growing a human. others need to help you, because that is what you do. you were growing three humans. and COOKING? WTF. THE REST FILLS ME WITH RAGE.
Pretty much. There was a later, post-pregnancy incident when he referred to me “sailing through” the pregnancy. He is VERY lucky we were on the phone and not within stabbing distance.
What. What is that even? I just. What.
…
…
I really, really hope that mr. iceberg has some seriously Sterling Other Qualities because the magnitude of that awfulness is almost more than my mind can process.
He’s a very, very good dad who loves his children very much. Also, I don’t want to be a single mum. Not yet.
I logged in to say something about this, but I don’t even know what to say. What the fuck 🙁
But I can feel your sympathy, and I appreciate it.
UM. UM. (bares teeth)
Thank you for providing the space for this! I feel so much better with Toasties at my back.
>.<
Yup.
“I know how you are” is rage-inducingly inexcusable. I’m so sorry.
Also I didn’t realize the berglets came so early.
Yep. Thank you dear!
I did the math and realized this would have been actually at about 6 1/2 months because they were born just shy of 30 weeks.
Three preemies, omg. You have my permanent admiration and respect.
As for Mr. Berg, given that the past is so hard to fix, my New Year’s hope for you both is that going forward he miraculously becomes the paragon of Love and Respect for the Mother of His Children that is her due. That would be her due even if she wasn’t your warm, funny, smart, etc. self.
Aww. Thanks love!
(They were SO TINY. Just under 3 pounds each. And we could gently place our hands on them but no stroking movements because it would be too stimulating for them; I guess they were still supposed to be all cushioned in fluids instead of out in the world)
Aw, special tinies. I hope the Hairpin and Toast commenting archives go on forever so that when they’re older you can show them how a giant global community of women and friends have gushed over them.
Bergie, oh my god. Oh my GOD. You have my profound sympathy.
thank you darling <3
I will suppress my rage on your behalf long enough to suggest: a reasonable start to his apology might be A) a tradition in which he does all the dishes foreverandeveramen and B) never again to issue the phrase “I know how you are,” which, no matter how it’s intended, is not a phrase with kindness at its heart.
Yeah he’s not really the apologizing type, but I don’t disagree with your plan 🙂
“I know how you are” is one of those horrible, horrible phrases men use which I have literally zero tolerance for.
Mine once said, “Oh, we’re playing *this* game now?” when I asked him how I looked before I went for a job interview. I was speechless for a full minute after it came out of his mouth. Then I went to my interview. When I got home I explained that he got to say that sort of thing once, because I’m a forgiving sort, but it will never happen again if he values my company. He’s under no illusions that uttering anything like that EVER AGAIN for any reason will result in his immediate lack of a spouse and pressing need for a lawyer.
Also, zero patience for anyone who is “not really the apologizing type,” because it smells like garbage: everybody apologizes, literally everyone. Some people don’t apologize to their SOs, those people deserve to live alone and unloved.
/rage
Oh, wow. I almost have no words, except words full of rage. How you managed not to murder him in that moment, I do not know.
Too tired and too slow moving 😉
I am amazed he lived to see the birth. I am guessing you’d object if we murdered him for you?
At least wait until the BBs are fully potty trained, and then we’ll talk, she says darkly.
I am faaaaairly certain no jury would convict you if you’d killed him in a righteous rage.
RIGHT? Lucky I was too tired.
I . . . guys, I just don’t understand anymore. Bergy. You are wonderful. This is not allowed. And I join my voice with the many saying he had damn well better have other remarkable qualities that make him worth being with, because this in my opinion is far more abominable than more-socially-acceptable reasons to leave someone, like cheating or whatnot. This is . . . I don’t understand how you possibly recover from that.
Thank you darling. You don’t, not really, because here I am wanting to burn it all down 3 years later.
“I saw mommy stabbing Santa Claus, in a blinding bright prepartum rage…”
Just awful. I’m sorry, and hope the cleansing gives you back a joyful sense of now.
Thank you, the many many voices of indignation on my behalf are definitely helping me right now. Just the acknowledgement that I’m not crazy is helping me so much.
Oh my god, this makes me so sad and angry. I send you possibly-useless hugs. I hope that posting it here has enabled you to let it go, like you say, but I’d suspect it may need to really be addressed with him, otherwise it could fester forever and ensure that you don’t entirely trust him to have your back, even if he does, like we all hope, have a bunch of redeeming qualities. Till then, please remember that most of this universe thinks what he said was fucked up.
Thank you! hugs are never useless.
That is just so awful. Argh. Really sorry you had to go through that.
Thank you 🙂
Did you ever try to talk about it later?
I’m so sorry.
I don’t remember, but I don’t think so. It kind of got overtaken by everything else.
Understandable. I’m just wondering if you think there is a chance it might be helpful to talk about it now. You know, in all that calm, quiet down time you guys must have with toddler triplets running around. Holding on to that for so long but be really difficult and painful.
IDK, every situation is different. But I was ready to burn it all down about 5 years ago, for very good reasons. And I don’t believe in staying together for the kids (we made you live in a contentious hellhole for years FOR YOU!), but I do believe you’re stuck with the other parent in soome major ways for at least 18 years so it’s worthwhile to throw everything you can into making it work. And, anyway, counseling was super, super helpful and ended up being a place where I felt safe to let go of some longheld resentments and he was held accountable to listen and take me seriously. It did get harder before it got better though, letting things out will do that but, for me, it was the only way through to something better. Anyway, genuine change, actually super happy several years later. I wish you the best!
Zero of this is okay! Your rage is one thousand percent justified. What he said by itself is plain horrible, compounded by his lack of apology and inability to see that it was wrong. HORRIBLE. Plus, you were super pregnant? With TRIPLETS? And doing all the cooking and dishwashing too? NO! First of all, she who cooks, does not do the dishes. Also, be nice to your pregnant wife. ALSO, never, ever ever say such hurtful things to your spouse, ever. All of that is wrong on so many levels, quite honestly that would’ve had me seriously considering divorce/breakup. Seriously.
In addition to joining in all the other anger at his reply, why were you doing the cooking and dishes every night when you were working? Either he was working too and should have been doing half the domestic labor or he wasn’t working and should have been doing all of the domestic labor? Similarly, why was he assuming that you would be doing all of the labor of caring for your children?
Oh no, it’s just that in the division of household labor the dishes and dinner were my things to do. He does/did other things, and when he was talking about more work with the kids he meant that both of us would have a lot more to do, so he couldn’t take on my chores permanently (as if that was what I was asking, or what would ever have happened :S)
Wonderful Bergy, I am late to this ragefest, but I just wanted to join my voice to all the others saying how very, very horrible it was for Mr. Iceberg to do that, and additionally horrendous that he has never apologized for it or even acknowledged the harm he did you. If one does not offer even a modicum of additional support to one’s spouse when that spouse is in terrible pain, pregnant with THREE children, exhausted, in tears, literally begging you to do one small favor for them to ease their burden, then WHEN THE HELL does one support one’s spouse???? Marriage is supposed to be about sharing each other’s burdens, not the husband condescendingly and callously trying to teach his wife some lesson he thinks she has to learn about hard work or whatever. What he did was cruel and thoughtless, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that in the midst of everything else you were dealing with. I can’t imagine how someone can begin to get past a hurt like that, especially without an apology (screw him not being the apologizing type; everyone has to apologize sometimes and if ever there were something that required an apology this is it). Anyway, you have all of our love and support. Sending you internet hugs and good thoughts!
you are not crazy, this is horrendous, and also, what the actual fuck.
I have a theory that when someone says “I know how you are” what they are really saying is “I don’t want you to notice how I really am” and this story is strong evidence in favor of that theory.
Also, as others have said, being a person who “doesn’t apologize” is bullshit. It’s part of being a grownup human being living in human society.
In short, fuck this guy.
Yeah he does apologize verbally VERY occasionally, but sometimes he apologizes through deeds, like doing something nice or bringing home a present or some chocolate or something. and sometimes he doesn’t apologize at all. Sigh. but the rest of it i think you are probably absolutely correct.
I’m so sorry this happened to you! Pregnancy is hard, but I can’t imagine how much harder it must be when you’re carrying three! I want to punch your husband in the face.
My husband has done a version of the “you’re just using pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy” thing a few times, and I try to remind myself that men literally have no fucking idea what the hell they are talking about. Condescending assholes. It’s amazing anyone ever makes it through a gestation with their relationship still intact. If my unborn child can hear what’s going on outside the womb at this point, she has heard, “Shut the fuck up,” a few times now. Fortunately as I have gotten bigger, he has gotten more sympathetic, although I think I was most miserable (so far) in my first trimester.
Dude, if he does it again, tell him “Fuck you” from me. Seriously.
I’m tempted to show him your story, but then I think he would say something like, “Oh, well of course, but she was carrying THREE!” and then I’ll have to punch my husband.
Yes, yes you would. Motherfucker. Hahaha sob.
Bergie! You know how much I admire you, and how I think you are amazing. I know I’m late to this thread, but just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you, and I’m so sorry you’ve had to put up with this nonsense. We, your adoring fellow Toasties, have your back and sending you support.
That sounds awful to go through and even harder to let go of. Sending a big internet hug and light and love your way. And cleansing fire. Lots of that.
Thank you 🙂 hugs and fire much appreciated.
Toasties! I made a Prime Rib today all by myself! Including a very intense spice rub + all the sides, a gingerbread cake and a mass of cookies! Then I drank a bottle of very expensive gift-wine all by myself, left all my guests in the dining room and went to sleep for 4 hours. And miraculously everyone was cool w it / stayed to eat dessert / bagged the leftovers and went home. Christmas DREAM.
That sounds WONderful. Anyone who turns out a magical feast like that is obviously under fairy-tale influence and must be allowed to sleep peacefully until the fairy godmother comes back and magicks you awake with her wand.
Ahhh i love this and am choosing to believe this is exactly what happened
Christmas Day consisted of a visit to my husband’s grandaunt’s house, and then going home and watching about a third of Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet. We’re watching it so he can feel fully prepared to watch the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern movie later on the week. Also, I haven’t seen/read Hamlet in a really long time.. possibly since high school. Nothing says a holiday around the birthday of a religious figure/commercialization more than that!
Last year we drove up to Montreal and ate chinese food in Montreal’s Chinatown, and the year before that we watched Downfall to see the source material of the “Hitler rants about X” memes, so we are all about preserving the Sacred Spirit of the Season. Clearly.
We would’ve gone to see the Hobbit last night but we didn’t get home in time.
OMG I love Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. You’re watching the Tim Roth one? (I don’t know if there is another one)
Yep! I had to double check though, but you’re right, there isn’t another one. However, it’s going to be a bit since the 1996 version of Hamlet is four hours and apparently my husband can only watch Shakespeare in 1.5 hour intervals.
I hope your Christmas went well! How were you? How were the Bergy Bits??
Haha “Shakespeare Tolerance Levels reaching critical, press Pause”
It was fine, just a day off really, except the BBs were given shit-tons of candy, new shoes, AND Barbie Dolls/Mater from Cars in gender-binary-enforcing style by their daycare!!! I don’t know if they just felt sorry for the kids because we don’t “do” Christmas or if they give presents to all the kids. We decided we’re calling it Family Day and we’ll celebrate however we feel like.
He just gets really sleepy and then starts having trouble following what’s going on! I think it probably doesn’t help that both times we’ve started watching it were after 9pm and a day of either eating or lifting. I just think it’s really funny.
Family Day sounds really nice, and probably more true to the way many other people spend the day. 🙂
My Christmas was lovely. After a fairly raucous day and night with The Fella’s family, we came home and paid a flying visit to my sister, who was hosting my grown-up niece and our mother for dinner. We stayed just long enough to get lavishly fed paté and vodka, then home for our own little dinner and presents.
The Fella first danced about on hesitant feet talking about how his few tiny gifts for me were perhaps not the most spectacular this year, then showered me with dozens of perfectly chosen, perfectly thoughtful little things that I’ll use every day forever and enjoy tremendously. I managed to give him a book he already owns, but I also got him The Wes Anderson Collection, which he’ll pore over with devotion and fascination.
He also gave me the dvd of Room 237, which will be useful for a current writing project and which I’ll certainly watch obsessively a thousand times. It’s a great token of love to give me something that caters so perfectly to the least loveable parts of me: the intensely analytical rewatcher of specific films and scenes, the spittle-spraying theorizer.
I told him that if I watch it a dozen times, then disappear, he should watch the movie reeeeeeally carefully to see if I’m waving out from a frame.
Awww your fella sounds like a keeper 🙂
He’s such a sweetheart. Every single gift he gave me – especially the little silly ones – is love made material, perfect proof that he knows me and wants me to be happy.
Can I tell you the real killer gift? It’s something he said.
We both write about film; he does it professionally, with a weekly newspaper column, as a reviewer for The A.V. Club, and freelancing here and there. Together, we write The VideoReport, where we recommend movies every week. He’s fantastic and I couldn’t be prouder of him. And when my first professionally published piece of film writing posted (right here at The Toast!), he was at least as proud as I was.
Because he knows Hitchcock is one of my perennial subjects of study, one of his gifts to me was a Hitch collection on Blu-Ray… and these words: “Because you’re the best film critic in this house, and I know you’re going to write amazing things about them.”
And then I started crying. OF COURSE.
Awwwww.
Awwww! That is so sweet!
aw bro I’M going to start crying now, that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard
I saw Room 237 in the theater. I was the only one there. *sigh*
If I ever get my knitting shit together, I’m totally making myself an Apollo 11 sweater.
Wanna come over and watch The Shining, then watch Room 237, then watch The Shining again? Forever and ever and ever?
I so totally do. Let’s watch Room 237 first, then watch the The Shining, etc., so we’re primed to look for baking powder and Moon landing hoax details. I’ll bring the advocaat.
Guys, I got an XBox One. I live in the future.
Christmas was great. I got an N7 Hoodie and YUMMY SUSHI PAJAMAS. I am LIVING THE BUFFY DREAM. I also got thoroughly peopled-out, as we spent the 23rd with Mr. Hoovian’s side of the family, the 24th with mine, and the 25th bouncing between the two. Oy hoy hoy. We have decided to make a Hermity New Year our own little tradition, and have turned down invitations with no regrets or bad feelings. Introvert marriage: woo!
I also got a Kindle Paperwhite, on which I have already read Gillian Flynn’s “Gone Girl,” which was very good but also pretty disturbing. In that good way. I’d recommend it to anyone who wants a smart, suspenseful book to read.
I’m at work today. Currently on lunch. I ordered a whole pickle with my sandwich, which was the greatest choice I have made all day.
I got my boyfriend an N7 coffee mug and one for myself!
WHOLE PICKLE AND YUMMY SUSHI PAJAMAS FOREVERRRRRRRRRR
Apparently it’s a very merry Mass Echristmas! I bought myself these earrings and gifted them to myself made my husband gift them to me on Christmas Eve. Currently wearing the Paragon ones, whee! (Otherwise, I received a loooot of scarfs and non-N7 earrings and other pretty wearable things!)
OH my god those earrings. Must have.
I finished Gone Girl last night and I have so so many feels but not in any kind of good way. Do you want to talk about it?
I just don’t know that I am the kind of person this book was written for.
I’d love to talk about it! I mean, I thought it was beautifully written in style terms, and the characters were… none of them were likeable, but not in that way where it made me want to put the book down. I just kept wanting to read to see what happened to these horrible people.
That was pretty much the only thing that powered me through that book. The only character I had any shred of empathy with was the sister.
Does anyone know where I could snag some mid-calf height boots? I’m hoping to get something in a post-holiday sale (or not if that’s how it shakes out!) but I’m not super into the higher ones.
Zappos.com! They have all the shoes! In all the colors and shapes and sizes!
Planetshoes.com is good if you want to be able to sort them by eco-friendliness, vegan-ness, and general company ethics. 6pm.com is good when you’re too tired to sift through all of the aforementioned options and want to go as cheaply as possible. DSW is probably doing a sale right now, but I’m too afraid to look lest I get sucked into a shoe browsing spiral.
I’ve also had good luck with 6pm, which is the sale-outlet for Zappos. Prices fluctuate unexpectedly, so if you select something and wait a bit, double-check the price before you order. (I got burned once when my 20-buck flats went up to $27 in the few minutes between putting them in my cart and hitting the submit button. I would have paid it cheerfully, but I didn’t love it as a surprise.)
Both Zappos and 6pm allow you to refine your searches quite a lot, which is a huge help when you want, for example, mid-calf boots but not knee-high.
Oh man I found a pair of Frye boots at 6pm.com for 75 bucks… so THANK YOU for the suggestion!!
OH my god those earrings. Must have.
I've also had good luck with 6pm, which is the sale-outlet for Zappos. Prices fluctuate unexpectedly, so if you select something and wait a bit, double-check the price before you order. (I got burned once when my 20-buck flats went up to $27 in the few minutes between putting them in my cart and hitting the submit button. I would have paid it cheerfully, but I didn't love it as a surprise.)
Both Zappos and 6pm allow you to refine your searches quite a lot, which is a huge help when you want, for example, mid-calf boots but not knee-high.
FEMALE REINDEER KEEP THEIR ANTLERS YEAR-ROUND
that is all
SORRY for the antler-ogical inaccuracies, gang! I am not a reindeer biologist, turns out
I probably could have been a lot less shouty about that. I got excited about the fact that female reindeer keep their antlers while the males lose theirs in winter, which means all Santa’s reindeer are females.
Daaaaaamn. That is useful information to know.
No, no, waaaaay less shouty than I would have been, had you not been shouty first. Accuracy in science is important! It ruined my enjoyment of the entire comic!
Gawd, it’s always so disappointing when it becomes apparent that we’re not professional reindeerologists, isn’t it?! Shocking, really.
I was trying to think of what the “proper” term for a reindeerologist might be, and googling “reindeer scientist” has led to nothing. I propose that we steal from the scientific name and call them “rangiferologists” from now on, even though “rangifer” makes me think of coniferous trees.
Mammologist is as close as it gets, I guess. “I’m a mammologist specializing in rangifers,” maybe? Too bad ungulologist doesn’t exist. It’s fun to say and type.
Until this little chat we’re having, I didn’t realize that reindeer and caribou were the same thing.
Same here. Wikipedia is a magical place, teaching us about reindeer and caribous. (I didn’t even completely realize it until I tried to look up caribou and kinda got redirected to reindeer.)
First pay period of the new year, I’m giving WikiP some money. I can’t quite remember what life was like without them.
And speaking of northern latitude ungulates, here’s a baby musk ox:
I clandestinely purchased a gift for my husband this year as a gesture of gratitude for his incredible support during a shit year (big ups to my brain for the host of illnesses it decided to succumb to). I had my mom buy it and stash it so he wouldn’t find it or a bank statement. Every time I got depressed about the holidays, I thought, “Oh, but I’ve got this great gift for the mister! He’ll be so happy and surprised!”
My mom forgot to bring it. She cried. I hate Christmas.
Oh, no, that sounds so hard! I’m sorry that happened.
Can she send it to you so he’ll at least get it late? I always love getting presents sometime after [Christmas/my birthday] because it extends the festivities a bit and reduces anti-climax.
Aw, that’s a bummer. I hope you get to share the joy of giving him the gift very soon.
But he’ll love it when he gets it! Remember as they say in the Fifth Element, “Time not important, only life”.
I’m sorry it didn’t go as planned. 🙁 But he will love it whenever he gets it! And appreciate all the work you went to to keep it a surprise.
Well I got ‘Tortilla Curtain’ and it’s amazing how quickly dated some things can seem.
Ugh, well, I spent Christmas Eve coaxing my alcoholic relative out of the cow pasture she was sitting in (in the middle of the night, in the freezing cold) while waiting for the cab she had called to pick her up from the middle of nowhere (after *literally* running away from my mother’s home – I’m talking sneaking out of the house with her suitcase) and take her… somewhere? because she couldn’t handle the thought of seeing the rest of the family. And then we had a lengthy conversation about how much we all suck (her words) which involved lots of tears and deflection. Christmas Day ran pretty much along the same lines, if moderately better-behaved.
This was actually a small improvement over last year, which I spent on the couch with the flu, unable to do anything but drink small sips of Gatorade and sob because my longtime, live-in partner broke up with me without explanation right before the holidays.
In conclusion, Christmas is not my holiday (I mean, really, I’m not even Christian) and since I’m finally home I’ll be spending the rest of the night in the tub with one of those Lush bubble bars and a glass of wine. Maybe also some Netflix. Any good streaming suggestions, Toasties?
Oh girl! I’m sorry. Are you related to me? My (now deceased) alcoholic relative was one of the saner ones, unfortunately.
I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THIS THREAD WAS HERE!
My Giftmas was objectively the best, because my sister made me an EIGHT FOOT PURPLE SQUID. That is me behind the squid. It is bigger than I am. And I have christened it Ophelia. (My plushie Yorick skull is Yorick and my plushie octopus is named Horatio, so.)
And in theory I’m meeting my boys for drinks tonight. LIFE’S PRETTY SWEET.
WOW! That is so cool! Your sister seems pretty awesome, and so do you since you’re the type of person who would love a gift like that. 😀
That is AMAZING. I bow to your sister!
Ahahahaha that is AWESOME.
That squid is THE BEST. Also I love that you have a plushie Yorick skull.
I am in awe. I am a little scared to take my sewing machine out, much less make an eight foot plushie anything with it! Go you and your sister!
Heh, Ophelia. I can see her floatin’ in the water, like her namesake would do, except not at all committing suicide.
Also, I’m totally jealous. I have a charming socktopus, but she’s nowhere near as grand.
Last Christmas I was completely by myself waiting for it to be over, this time I spent it with a New Zealander, three Brazilians, and a German friend who hitched here on Christmas Eve by surprise. My dad and brother are on the other side of the world (my mother is dead, my sister I don’t talk to) and I’m not religious and just try not to get alienated by everyone talking about family and presents and stuff. My present was an old jigsaw puzzle that I will never use, gifted to me in a trainwreck play at the pub the night before. It was nice that everyone I was with was similarly failing to observe Christmas in any meaningful way. We did attempt a picnic by the sea but the rain started bucketing down after two minutes.
Anyway, my point is that I had a nice day.
This is my first Christmas newly single, out of a very long term relationship. The “when are you and x getting married?” question has been replaced by the “do you have a new boyfriend yet?” question. With basically no gap.
My aunt got drunk and started on a transphobic rant which turned into a biphobic rant, because she is not entirely clear on the difference between transgender people and bisexual people. I managed to speak up to disagree with her without outing myself, yay? I do not know how I feel about this.
Other than that, my Christmas has been good. Lots of food, lots of champagne, lots of catching up with friends.
Ugh, how annoying. But not super-surprising, right? In my experience, the person who always asks that situation-specific intrusive question that grates on your very soul don’t stop asking it when the situation changes; they just switch to a different soul-grating situation-specific question and ask that for the next decade.
I’m sorry you have to put up with it, but it sounds like you’re handling it with grace and maintaining your privacy as you see fit, so kudos to you!
Elsa THIS IS SUCH WISDOM. so wise I got caps-locky!
Thank you! And yes, you are right that it’s not actually surprising. Intrusive people will remain intrusive, whatever happens.
Even lifelong intrusive-question askers can change, but it requires either real insight on their part or dedicated boundary-enforcing on your part, which is exhausting. It sounds like you’re handling it the way you want to, and that’s what counts. Go, you!
What is this impulse to ask impertinent, sometimes hurtful questions of people they don’t see very often? Is it the assertion of dominance?
I sort of hadn’t realised I was handling things well, and that’s true and quite a nice revelation. So thank you, again.
I had a nice christmas. Not a big flashy one, but we had too much food and we exchanged nice gifts.
too much food = the best.
That’s the one holiday detail I can’t get used to. For most of my life, holidays meant days of leftovers, but these vegetarian holiday meals don’t lend themselves to that. It keeps tripping me up.
Every year, I make some special dinner for the holiday – roasted butternut galette or mushroom pot pie or that Deborah Madison nut loaf that sounds like a 1970s punchline and tastes like the richest, most savory dream you ever had – but I utterly fail to procure food for the next few days. Some vestigial memory insists that there oughta be a turkey carcass in the fridge that we have to strip bare into sandwiches and pot pies and casseroles before I cook the bones down to soup stock.
But there isn’t.
we had too much food and we exchanged nice gifts.
Well, it doesn’t get nicer than that. Yay!
Mine was okay! My mom sautéed green beans in bacon grease with chunks of bacon and it was HELLA amazing. Much better than soupy ruinous casserole. I am hosting a small friend holiday party with my roommate tonight and I’m pretty excited. We are making mulled wine and playing games! We even hung mistletoe so my roommate can kiss her new boyfriend under it, and make the rest of us single people jealous.
omg I WANT THOSE BEANS (hold the beans)
I made green beans like that for the first time ever this Christmas and they were awesome. The casserole is never happening again.
Mulled wine is awesome! And I have been wondering if anyone does mistletoe anymore. I never see it! Sounds like a fun evening.
My Christmas was scary! After flying made what I thought were bruises on my legs unbearably painful, I spent the 23rd in urgent care and got diagnosed with erythema nodosum (inflammation of fat cells under the skin on your legs, sometimes it’s by itself and sometimes it’s caused by something), then on Christmas Eve I found out my blood test results were not normal. So now I get to see another doctor and get more blood tests. 🙁 🙁
Oh no! That does sound scary. Keeping my fingers crossed that they figure out what it is soon and it’s an easy fix!
Aw, I am so sorry. I hope you get answers soon. My thoughts are with you.
Oh yikes! I’m so sorry – that sounds stressful and scary.
I’m two months in to an unexpected and unwanted break up of my long term relationship, and I had already planned a three week holiday to visit my parents. NOT FUN. It hasn’t been so bad actually, I’ve been taking breaks and having down time where I can, but I had a pretty big emotional relapse on Christmas day. One of my relatives asked me about my ex, and when I told him we’d split up he got really upset. “No! What? Are you serious? That’s so awful! Whyyyy? What happened?” I managed to gracefully change the topic, but the damage was done and I’m just now beginning to climb back out of that hole. I really felt back at square one, like day of break up emotional.
Sigh.
Oh noooo, I’m so sorry that happened! Emotional recovery isn’t always steady though, you’ll have ups and downs.
Yeah, which is so annoying when you’re on an “up” and know it can’t last! This has been the worst down since the break up itself though, I wasn’t expecting it although it makes sense considering all the factors (holidays, stress, nosy questions).
So much sympathy with you. Having to deal with questions about your break-up is just …ugh.
Three adolescent sisters. All of them are very, very convinced that they are The Best Thing since sliced bread. I need more booze.
Awwww! That is so sweet!
Thoughts on Netflix available WWII-era lesbian romance “Aimee & Jaguar”? Because based on the set up it could be The Best or Worst movie ever made?
Best! No account yet but I wanted to make sure you didn’t miss this. Although by best I do mean utterly wrenching, be forewarned.
MUST WATCH thank you for alerting me to this movie… This is like what I hoped “Bomb Girls” would be, but it wasn’t, so I gave up after 2 episodes. (So I guess it could get really lesbian after episode 2.)
I was a German major in college, and our professor had us watch this movie in one of our classes. I can’t really remember much about it but I remember thinking it was pretty strange. I should rewatch!
Wanna come over and watch The Shining, then watch Room 237, then watch The Shining again? Forever and ever and ever?
Oh yikes! I'm so sorry – that sounds stressful and scary.
Oh man I found a pair of Frye boots at 6pm.com for 75 bucks… so THANK YOU for the suggestion!!
Spent Christmas painting my bedroom as a present to myself (I live in Beigeland). My bedroom walls are now a pretty mint green, with white curtains over the windows, and I love the way it now looks.
But the best present was a gift from one of my cats; I’d taken him in as a stray a year and a half ago, and he has some issues from his homeless days that make him very timid. It took him a long time to relax and accept pets, but I’d given up hope that he’d ever be a lap cat.
Christmas Day, he crawled into my lap for the very first time, and purred himself to sleep.
I had the best Christmas of my life, far, far away from my family. I should have done this years ago. My partner deserves a great deal of credit for making it happen. No less than six people told me he’d been fretting for weeks about making sure this was a nice Christmas for me. He pulled it off admirably, complete with an apology for being grumpy two days before Christmas (he was not being grumpy at all, but he thinks he was) and saying, “I want to be sure you know that even if I am being a little distant or out of sorts, my love for you is unconditional and I am always glad to do whatever I can to make you even a little happier.” I HAVE NEVER HAD ANYONE SAY THIS OR ANYTHING LIKE THIS IT WAS A GODDAMN CHRISTMAS MIRACLE FOR ME.
MUST WATCH thank you for alerting me to this movie… This is like what I hoped "Bomb Girls" would be, but it wasn't, so I gave up after 2 episodes. (So I guess it could get really lesbian after episode 2.)
Bergie! You know how much I admire you, and how I think you are amazing. I know I'm late to this thread, but just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you, and I'm so sorry you've had to put up with this nonsense. We, your adoring fellow Toasties, have your back and sending you support.
That was pretty much the only thing that powered me through that book. The only character I had any shred of empathy with was the sister.