And sometimes, Toasties, all I can offer is a sandwich and an honest tea. So glad 2014 doesn’t start til February. Whew! Or Phew? In any case, open thread like the (tropical, non-frigid, very undangerous) wind!
EDITORIAL ASIDE: Okay, I’m thinking the evening of Friday, Jan. 31st, or the evening of Saturday, Feb. 1st for the Toronto meetup, unless I hear a strong plea for a weeknight? Once we’ve firmly decided, I’ll start calling around to reserve a room. Who’s coming? We definitely underestimated turnout for San Francisco, but it made for a pleasant, dizzying blur of hugging and complimenting Alexis Coe’s outfit.
Tags: cocktail hour, meetups, meta, open thread, the bartender
I will BE THERE, either evening.
Guys, I need a little pick-me-up professionally. I don’t want to go into details, because I’m at work, but I just need support/someone to tell me that feeling hopeless and underutilized in one’s career/job ends at some point.
🙁 🙁 SYMPATHY CALZONES PLEASE / stories about jobs/employment?
Either you will get a new job someday that is better, or you will stop giving any fucks at all, which is terrible but also a good defensive strategy. Sorry, I have nothing more useful to add, but here is a nice calzone! It says “you’re worth more than this!”
THANK YOU for the calzone and the advice. I no longer give fucks, which normally is good, but some days it’s just hard, man.
I have felt like that at points in my career. How long have you been at your job? I’ve found the best salve for those feelings is to start looking ahead to the future. If you’ve been at your current job for more than a year*, hell, start looking to see what else is out there that might be more fulfilling! It’s so easy to just go through the motions and forget that your current job isn’t the only job, and I did that for a number of years before it dawned on me, “Hey, I can actively look for other jobs!”
Once I switched jobs and stayed in the same city. Another time I switched jobs and moved across the country. Both things are possible! Actually, literally possible! Take a deep breath, let your mind wander for a few minutes, and consider what else you might be happier doing. Good luck!
Job was a year this month…so I’m past the “gotta get through this” hurdle and feel comfortable looking. Which is NICE. I hope to follow your example!
I was in that place in my first job – I took it because I needed a job, but it was not at all my hoped-for career path. There were two important things I did. One was to set a timeline; the job was very cyclical (certain things always happened at certain times of the year) so it was easy to say “look for jobs during the winter downtime” or “one more summer busy season” and know I was looking forward to doing something new (even if I didn’t know what that was yet). The other thing was pretending this was my chosen career path, basically – I went to networking events, learned as much as I could about the field, (tried to) take on new projects. It was hard because my boss was disinterested and not approachable (anger problems for the win!) but I did my best.
And things got better! And hopefully they will for you too.
Sympathy calzones always!! Cheese + carbs solve all my problems.
Ugh, jobs. I just got confirmation that the funding stream for my job ends, definitively, in August. I could start looking for a new job now, but the problem is I really, really like my current job and I don’t want to leave it until I have to. Boooo (un)employment!
Can you take a walk and/or buy yourself a pastry? Just remind yourself that it’s not your fault that your job isn’t serving your intellectual/emotional engagement needs. It’s a means to an end, not an end in itself.
Have you started a new project outside of work? Maybe you could volunteer or take a class. It doesn’t matter what it is: sketching a little each day, writing, walking dogs at a shelter, finding the best molasses cookie recipe…. Having another thing to do in your off time (and concentrate on when you’re feeling hopeless) might help. On bad days at work, you’re not [your job title], you’re someone who [writes, sketches, walks dogs] who happens to [make spreadsheets] to support that part of your life.
Sympathy calzones FOR SURE. And that feeling will pass, and things will get better, and I am so, so sorry you’re having a rough time. Calzones all ’round!
I had the Very Worst Job Ever from Sept 2011-Feb 2012, but I stuck with it because it was my first full-time-permanent job in NYC, and even though I didn’t even have health benefits (or any benefits at all except all the booze I could drink – I was an event manager for a bar), I was convinced it would get better. But I hated my life every single morning I had to wake up and go to work, and I didn’t see a way out.
They fired me in February over something tiny (even from an outside perspective it sounds ludicrous – I really believe I was only in that position because my supervisor was on maternity leave, as I was hired a month before she left and fired 2 days after she got back)… I was freaked-the-hell-out and relieved at the same time… scared because I had no savings and no backup plan.
3.5 weeks later, I landed my dream job.
THERE IS HOPE!! Hang in there and don’t be afraid to walk away.
I LIKE THIS STORY A LOT, except for the part where you had a shitty job, obviously they are douchebags for firing you. You give me hope!!
Do you read AskAManager.org? It is full of very straightforward advice and a very support commentariat and they discuss burnout, feeling useless/underused at jobs, etc. with some frequency. You are not alone!
SO on mondya I talked about my year-long dithering about getting half of my head shaved and you all said I should.
I have a booking at the hairdressers for tomorrow. I have not been this enthusiastic about anything relating to my appearance for a long time. I may even bleach it and dye it crimson.
yaaaaas oh my god you’re going to look so gooood!
There’ll be pictures next week!
Hurrah! (But don’t neglect the Gormenghast tattoo, I am dying to see that.) And chopping most of my hair off and dying the rest blue and purple has been a stellar hair move for me.
The gormenghast tattoo shall not be neglected, but that’s a ‘like, probably next year’ thing whereas I can afford the hair now
Promise us photos!
next week
AWWWWW YIISSSSSSS
That is awesome. You are awesome.
My friend just did that and it looks amazing!
yesssssssssssssssssssss
I promised my friend I’d do an undercut so I feel your anticipation!
Pictures!
We made it to Friday! Congratulations, everybody!!! In celebration, here is a video of my friend’s Golden Retriever puppy chasing her leash.
http://youtu.be/veWHMYVvnz0
We are the champions! We are the warriors! We are tired and want a beer and a bonfire.
/HIGHFIVE. I had a horrible cold all week, and then last night on my drive home through awful traffic I had probably the worst cramps I have ever had, so I am giving myself a gold star and a big bottle of booze for even showing up for life today. GO US.
That video is, quite literally, the best thing ever.
“Leash! Leash! Let’s be best friends, leash! Wheeeeeeee!”
I AM 100% COMING
Also, friends, here is my plan for quitting my job: next Wednesday. After my birthday and after my birthday lunch.
Is that bad? I kind of want to do it today but I am terrified of confrontations
Hmmm… Right after the birthday lunch might be especially awkward – people will be in a good mood, thinking positive thoughts about you, feeling that they’re celebrating with you, then – BAM! I think it will be a bit harder to leave on a high note in that regard?
I really regret how many bridges I’ve burned in my career and feel it really has hurt me, so I worried a little bit when I read this. Is it possible to stick it out ’til Monday? They’ll at least think you did some deep thinking over the weekend.
In any case, good luck. It is so, so hard to be in a job/place that you hate.
I phrased that a little weirdly – my birthday itself is on Tuesday, the lunch is on Monday, and I’m thinking of telling them about my leaving on the Wednesday? I have no idea. I am basically panicking all the time.
Ah, I see… that’s better. The further it can happen away from the b-day celebration, the better, I think.
And remember, it’s business, not personal*. You’re not feeling that you can give them the best of yourself any longer, you want your career to grow in this other direction, you wish them well, you can offer to help find your replacement, you really appreciate all they’ve done for you, etc., etc…
It’s not a fun conversation to have, for sure…
*Even if it IS, personal. :O)
ETA: I hope this doesn’t sound overly pedantic. I just know how much these situations can suck and wanted to help, if possible.
Is there any way you can get an emergency inflatable slide installed and just leave like that one flight attendant did?
last night I went to a Spice Girls dance workshop with some girls from work, and it was as amazing as it sounds.
One of the girls though, I don’t know, maybe I need some advice. There’s six of us in a little work posse – we work in different departments of a software company, and one girl is driving me sort of nuts. Last night she was telling me that my husband and I were crazy for getting him a vasectomy, that we were too young, even though we are thirty and both confirmed childfree. Apparently my biological clock will tick in any day now. It’s just one instance in a string of her always needing to be right – every conversation ends with her being right, or correcting someone. Normally I’d let it slide, and I don’t want to cause any tension in my little work group, but man, I am pissed. What do you guys think? (An aside, this is the first time anyone has audited my reproductive choices and I might be over the top furious because of that)
smile politely and move on girl. neither of you are gonna change the other one’s mind. (or you might change her mind when she sees how happy you are living your choice)
Yes thank you, and thanks everyone! I will take solace is knowing that I am happy with my life and choices in a way she must not be, if she needs to bully people to make herself feel good. Also in my office with a door that closes so I can listen to Rancid all day
Ugh. I would be totally rude to her and give her the cold shoulder probably to an extreme degree. This is why I don’t have a lot of friends and none of the ones I have are co-workers.
A Spice Girls dance workshop? How does one find something that amazing?
Our city is doing a “dance days” – a bunch of local studios were doing free classes and workshops! Spice Girls was at an “adult” studio. It was AMAZING. Dancing with fifty four other people to Spice Up Your Life was really transformative.
Sometimes a well-deployed “why are you asking?” can be pretty kickass. “Wow, you seem really stuck on this. Why do my personal choices bother you so much?” IDK, it’s not perfect for every situation, but sometimes it’s great for making a person wallow in the shame of their miserable questions.
Whhyyy couldn’t I have thought of that!? I just stared sort of open mouthed 🙁
my toasties!
for some reason, the interface here has been broken for me for ages but is miraculously now working, so i have finally arrived in the comment section. hiiii hi hi hi. i had the same comment name back on the ‘pin.
i am nursing a head-cold at work and trying to rapidly de-stuff my noggin because i have a hot date for paella tonight.
If you can, try to keep hot green tea at your desk. It helps with the stuffyness because of the steam, and at least for me, the slight astringency of the tea helps dry me out a bit without having to go for drugs that knock me out.
yep, i am guzzling tea constantly. which is yummy and i should probably do regularly anyway, haha.
Hi! Glad you made it!
I had two victories this week! I tracked down some good white sandwich bread, and made myself a very thick slice of cinnamon toast a la The Red Door, and it was every bit as tasty as I had hoped. And now I have a whole huge loaf left to toast!
And last night I went to a gallery talk and came up with a clever question and then I asked it without being too much of a show-off, and then was later complimented on my clever question, which I was almost too shy to ask. The curator didn’t really have an answer, but I asked it!
I admire both of those victories! well done darl!
I LOVVVVE CINNAMON TOAST!!!!!!!!!! I work at a bakery where we make rosemary bread and I like to make that into cinnamon toast. sweet/savory. its so good.
Oooh that’s a good victory! Are you celiac? Your love of good white sandwich bread reminds me of…well, me.
Anybody else watch the first episode of Looking? Want to share your thoughts and feelings?
I tried! I got kinda bored in the first few minutes and switched to something else… what did you think?
I was into it! I sort of liked the slow-burn quality, but I could see how that could turn you off. Also, everyone was very easy on the eyes. I was a big fan of Weekend, so I have high hopes for this one.
Me!
These comments are going to get your i.p. banned unless you ditch the code in them, darling.
Januwagoneers! We are gearing up for the last week of Drynuary. How are you feeling? What are you looking forward to do break your fast? I am craving an iced Irish coffee at brunch on the 1st.
I started the Nerdfitness Academy, and it is pretty good so far! It starts out slowly, and I like that. I still haven’t been to the gym I signed up for since I had a ton of freelance work last week (so much $$$!), but next week it will begin.
What I really need is to get serious about healthy eating. Any easy/delicious recipes you guys like to make during the week for lunch or dinner?
I’m doing a half-dryanuary and I honestly just want a nice glass of red wine when i’m done. ahhhhhh
re: delicious recipe: stuffed acorn squash!
cut acorn squash in half and bake upside down until you can dent the outside with your finger
sautee chicken sausage with diced onion. stir in baked squash that you scooped from the cooked halves (leaving the shell intact).
Once thoroughly mixed and warmed, return to the acorn squash shells, forming a well in the middle.
Crack one egg into each well, bake until egg is cooked.
It’s technically a breakfast recipe but I love it so much I eat it all the time. It’s great in the winter too. ENJOY!
my go-to dinner for quite some time involved a fair amount of work on Sunday, but then was like an automatic feeding trough the rest of the week.
Prepare seperately:
steamed chopped kale or other green (mustard, spinach, whatever)
quinoa (could do brown rice, would lose some protein)
black beans (I use the pressure cooker, but canned is fine)
cubed roasted sweet potatoes
(deep) fried garlic
Have on hand:
eggs
salsa
other flavors or sauces you might like
Then every night put 1/4 cup quinoa, 1/4 cup beans, 1/4 cup sweet potatoes, 1/4+ cup kale in a bowl and microwave, while cooking an egg to put on top (I prefer over easy here), and then sprinkle garlic and salsa over everything. Add some avocado if you’ve got a nice one! Wrap it in a tortilla for convenience! Arrange it in different piles on a plate for variety! Cheese would not be wrong here either.
We had this for dinner nearly every weeknight for several months without getting tired of it. (Then we moved and started just eating handfuls of whatever, and now I’m pregnant and can’t stand most of those things, but I stand by it as a very healthy and mostly easy dinner option.)
I made a huggge batch of this on Sunday : http://www.amateurgourmet.com/2013/03/build-your-… and it was super tasty. I used cauliflower, carrots, celery, onion and chickpeas. Some days we had it with chunks of French Bread cause the store was out of naan, and a couple nights we had it with rice. My batch was huge enough that I also froze about 5-6 single servings of it in Ziplocs for future lunches (I can eat the same thing for dinner several nights a week, but I can’t handle eating the same thing for both lunch and dinner if I am doing that).
I’m trying to make a pot of something once a week where I can freeze a few portions, because while my cooking ambition is high right now, it fades in and out so I am hoping to have a few easy things I can pack for lunch or heat for dinner for when I am lazy/tired/too hungry to cook/in a hurry etc.
Tacos! I warm up a can a Trader Joe’s refried beans, make a quick rough chopped salsa from two tomatoes, a handful of cilantro, some onion, and some lime juice. Maybe some cucumber or avocado slices for topping, and some crunchy lettuce. I grate cheese (I am a believer that good cheese is good for you!), and stir up some plain yogurt (to act like sour cream) and put everything out in little dishes. Warm a stack of corn tortillas, wrap them in a tea towel, and enjoy with your best hot sauce or pickled jalapeno. My husband oven roasts a chicken thigh or two and cuts it up in little cubes for himself.
Ooohh yes tacos are are also a great idea. If you want meat to go in them, you can also make a big batch of in a slow cooker and it takes nearly no effort. A couple weeks ago I threw in a couple chicken breasts and a couple thighs and some chicken stock and some taco seasoning and cook it for 4 -6 hours while you be super lazy on Sunday (I think I probably threw a diced onion and some mashed garlic cloves because i tend to do that with most things I make). Shred the chicken, put back in the crock pot for half an hour and boom taco meat forever!
Kale salad! This is a always a winner when we have people over.
3 – 4 cloves garlic 3 – 4 tablespoons Bragg’s Seasoning (soy sauce in a pinch) 3 table spoons tahini paste (it’s seaseme nut butter) 2 table spoons nutritional yeast (bulk section at thrifties) 2 tablespoons apple cider vingier 3 table spoons lemon juice
Blend all well in a magic bullet or something and pour over raw kale. You’re really supposed to use your hands and message it into the kale
I am looking forward to my glass of red wine SO HARD.
I have a zillion dietary issues and eat pretty much 100% paleo (except for the occasional Wine Treats) so I make various soups/stews/Bowls of Food on the weekend and bring those for lunches at work. Most of the things I make are one-pot dishes and easily adaptable to tastes/dietary restrictions. Feel free to check out the stuff under my cooking tag on LiveJournal if you like.
Best wishes on the Nerdfitness Academy! I look forward to hearing about your progress.
This is also one of my staples that I make that’s pretty easy, satisfying, and tastes good as leftovers.. http://www.amateurgourmet.com/2009/09/lentils_wit…
Food–we put fried eggs on EVERYTHING. Made soup last night, lunch is that same soup with a fried egg. Have a mess of stir fry, put a fried egg on it. Got some takeout, throw a fried egg on that bitch.
For lunches I’ve been making a roasted squash…thing, that I really like:
Cut a medium-large butternut squash into, like, 1/2 to 3/4 inch pieces
Cut up some kale or other green thing into pieces that won’t stick out of your mouth when you try to eat them in the office lunchroom because you’re a civilized human being
Chop an onion
Mix all those things with some olive oil, salt, pepper, and some combination of red pepper flakes, rosemary, thyme, sage, etc. & roast for 25 minutes at 425 degrees
Serve 1 part veggies to 1 part rice & your favorite beans (I use black beans because I like their flavor/texture with the squash) for protein/cheapness
Cutting up butternut squash is a pain in the ass, but this makes just about enough for 4-5 lunches for me, so I don’t have to deal with that all week.
I have two go-tos.
1. make a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge batch of vegetarian chili that I then portion into bags to keep in the freezer for emergencies, aka when I have nothing I want to eat and am tempted to just eat a huge block of cheese and a jar full of peanut butter and then go buy some cheetos to eat with all the chocolate at 7-11.
2. I’ve gotten really into lunch salads. I was going to this co-op salad bar a lot and then I just realized I should buy the individual elements and keep them at my house or in my work fridge. So I just buy a variety of things: some kind of mixed greens or arugula or lettuce, avocado, feta, carrot matchsticks, pickled beets, kale, kimchi or sauerkraut, sunflower seeds, those delicious yellow cherry tomatoes, other assorted appealing vegetables. I really feel that the key to making this feel substantial is to have a variety of textures and colors nd even temperatures (roasted veggies reheated or BACON! seriously), and to add a meat element – shredded rotisseries chicken or sausage or roast beef or something. It sounds kinda boring, but I find that I crave it! and having the ingredients readily available makes it a really satisfying and delicious healthy fallback option.
Yes! Meal salads! Clearly I have lots of things to say about food today. I have been doing meal salads a lot lately. I enjoy them so much! Today I had arugula, with goat cheese, tuna, and a lemony vinaigrette. It was awesome. My usually got to is to buy a big tub of mixed salad greens, cucumber, feta, hemp hearts, and sunflower seeds (and some kind of salad dressing). Then I take 3 big Ziploc bags: divide the greens among them, cut the cucumber into 3rds toss in bag with green, put 3 portions of feta into wee little snack baggie and put that baggie in the larger baggie. I keep a bottle of salad dressing in the work fridge and either keep the hemp hearts and sunflower seeds at my desk or also portion them with the other stuff depending on my mood. Then I have salads ready for the next 3 days and I just grab a bag and go in the morning and assemble on a big plate at lunch time. I also sometimes change it up slightly; add avocado, or meat, more of a variety of veggies depending on my ambition level. I think the key for me is making sure there is a FULL plate of salad. I find many peoples idea of enough salad for lunch is like a wee little bowl of salad and that does not cut it because I am RAVENOUS as lunch time.
Okay, also I often have a slice of bread and a drink a thingy of milk with my lunch salad to help me stay full for longer (especially if I am too lazy to find some meat to put on the salad). #dairyandcarbsforlife
yes, must be HUGE. FULL PLATE or large bowl. I can eat like 1/3-1/2 of those tubs of greens in one sitting.
My new job hasn’t been as conducive to fun freelancing stories, which is fine because it’s rewarding in so many other ways, but I’ve kind of been missing writing about awesome things.
But I think I may soon be working on a story for the Los Angeles Times! Woop woop!
Hot dagnabbit! Congrats!
Thanks! It’s about spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.
Congratulations! SPAAAAAAAACE is the greatest!
Hi toast. I have All Of The Feelings and last night thought of one million questions to ask in this open thread but I have forgotten and/or am ashamed of them all.
Is anyone else floundering about? Me too. This is your floundering about support thread. Sorry for all the flailing and waffling and miscommunicating and whatever going on in your life; I feel you bro.
I AM NOT LIVING MY BEST LIFE AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT
I am floundering but it turns out (go figure) that TRYING THE THINGS is the key to making my life better. Like, all the things I ever wanted to do? I’m trying them, and lots of them are working out well. I guess it’s been a while since I did that.
You know that line from Oh The Places You Went, “If you never quite finish, you never quite lose”? I feel like I need to get, like, a tattoo of that as a reminder that my fear of trying new things is based in a fear of losing, but losing is (usually) not that bad, and definitely less bad than never trying anything. Because that kind of thing is way more inspiring to me than whatever actual “inspirational” quotes.
I have to take the CA Bar! And I AM FLOUNDERING [insert GIF of floppy fish]
aahhh good luck! the CA bar sounds so scary
I just did this in August and it feels like the worst, and then you do it and it’s done. Sending you positive lawthoughts!
I have a funny CA Bar story to tell to distract you! My friend, who is a type-A sort of overachiever, was studying for the bar, and took one of the practice tests, and got only about 15% of it right. She was depressed for about six hours, thinking she was never going to be able to pass, she was horrible, she was The Worst . . .
And then her husband got home a little later, heard this story, absolutely could not believe his brilliant wife had done THAT badly, and double-checked the test.
She’d been using the wrong answer key. Everything was okay. She passed the bar later.
Stories of commiseration! You can do it!
I deeply deeply appreciate this! 😀 😀 😀
I ammmmm! From the outside, things look like they’re going pretty well for me at the moment, and I keep reminding myself that they mostly are and I’m incredibly lucky. But it feels like I’m hanging on with my fingernails. I’m going to try to fix the internal stuff once I get my health insurance worked out, which is one of the undone tasks that’s stressing me out. (Fun cycle!)
Thank you everyone for replying to this, it makes me feel significantly less alone! My BF just came home and I drunkenly yelled at him, so this didn’t help. #struggle
So I wanted to thank folks from last week who suggested that I get an A line haircut! I went out and got one on Monday, and it’s been fantastic. I also got my bangs retrimmed and am giving up the ghost and side swept bangs because my hair never wants to fall that way. I’m a little iffy on the bangs but I think I just need more time to get used to them.
On a weird anime tangent: I’ve been rewatching Attack on Titan since it’s now on Netflix Instant Play and I’ve been internally comparing my hair to both Armin (my stylist blew out my hair after cutting it and curled the ends under 🙁 ) or Mikasa (on a good hair day). Does anyone else let anime seep into their brain unnecessarily?
I get the anime brain-seep ALL THE TIME. Usually from watching shows on Crackle and falling asleep. Gotta love that auto-play feature.
aww I wish you could post a photo!
I am trying to sneakily get one through my webcam at work. I don’t really like the way I look in photos though so I’m fighting some internal battles here.. stay posted!
Bangs, man. (Also, “unnecessarily”?)
Having the intro and outro music stuck in your head = necessary; comparing your hairstyle and overall wardrobe to characters = maybe not so much? ^^;
Mikasa-esque hair on a good day sounds pretty wonderful – hooray for you!
and re: Anime Brain Seep… all the goddamn time. 😛
It’s apparently the month of Broadway shows for me. Tomorrow I go see Mamma Mia in our local theater with a friend, because sometimes you just need 70’s cheese.
Live-In-Ex is out of town until Monday, and I feel gloriously free. Kinda want to invite people over, just because I feel that I can, then I remember I am a hermit curmudgeon, and screw it, it’s no-pants weekend (until I have to leave the house).
not putting pants on all day is seriously one of my greatest pleasures in life
guys I worked from home yesterday and never changed out of my pajamas and the cat came and sat on my lap occasionally!!! magical.
Oh! not sure if this is allowed, but I’m not seeing anything saying it’s not, http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mohops/made-i…
This is a Kickstarter for some pretty amazing multi-style wood-soled, blister-free sandals made by a woman trying to set up a factory for them in Vegas, with 23 hours to go. It’s already fully funded, so it’s just pre-ordering at this point. (not my kickstarter, but I contributed)
Literally the most exciting thing. There is an emergency exit door in a hallway about 20 feet from my desk, and it provides basically no barrier from the frigidity that exists beyond the walls. Cold air skips merrily past it, as if it were not a door but an invitation.
Anyway somebody closed these two other doors, effectively turning that hallway into its own room and trapping the cold in that hallway. AND NOW I CAN FEEL MY FINGERS AGAIN WHEN I’M AT MY DESK, I AM SO EXCITED.
Also Hearthstone entered open beta this week. That game is mad fun.
I’ve been playing Hearthstone too! I’m excited about it even though I’m not very good.
I’m not very good either! But it’s exactly the right kind of freemium, and it’s so quick to play. And such a pretty game.
I only have one friend on there right now but it’s still fun!
TORONTO MEET-UP WEIGH-IN STATION:
I am having a housewarming/dinner party on Saturday February 1st, which I would love to invite y’all to but my apartment, she is small. So if there is ANY way I can make a strong plea for the 31st and sway you all to the Friday, that would be dandy. Otherwise I’m there in spirit.
I also would prefer the Friday, I have plans Saturday!
Real-life story: Last Friday, when I was drinking red wine and eating truffle frites and reading at a bar in glorious solitude, the woman next to me – also reading a book and drinking wine – asked me what I was reading. I told her (“Game Change,” surprisingly compelling) and asked her what her book was. AND IT TURNS OUT SHE WAS READING MIDDLEMARCH AND WAS PART OF THE MIDDLEMARCH BOOK CLUB. (hi, if you are reading this!) The Toast is Everywhere.
your reading situation sounds so appealing… red wine and truffle fries? solitude? yes please.
That sounds so lovely. Whenever I try to read in a bar, some creep tries to pick me up.
I was initially a little concerned about that, but it’s been nothing but good. But it’s a nice little wine bar, like go with your boyfriend or with a few close friends for a little bit before heading back out on the town, and there are very few single men there at any given time. So I haven’t had any problems! If any of y’all ever visit North Carolina, hit me up.
Where in NC? Were you at West End?!
After being in NC all my life, I just moved away and I miss it every day. 🙁 But I’ll be back in the state (some combination between Raleigh, Chapel Hill, and Greensboro) for my partner’s and little sister’s graduations in May if ya wanna hang!
I was at Six Plates, although West End is also great! Durham 5ever. Maybe we can have a May meetup as well!
Seriously that sounds SO WONDERFUL i would do that 2 – 3 times a week. I mean, reading and red wine is pretty much my jam, but in this situation someone else is SERVING ME. Make all the bartenders humble men and this could be a Top 3 Hobby after the MIsandrist Revolution.
If you guys are in NC, come to our meetup on Feb 6! I posted a new comment (way) farther down, but:
Feb 6, at the Fed in Durham, 7 PM.
If you want, you can fill out this form, and I will send everyone an email: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1htsPSLOcDkTrmBdP…
I am THERE.
*pangs of longing for Durham*
Sorry. Went to school there, miss it like crazy. Pour me one!
Wait, when did you graduate? I went to Duke!
I was there for law school! Graduated 2008.
I shared the Handsome Piece from yesterday and got this great response from my friend’s mom:
“Read the Toast Article on being handsome , and while I’m not gay , I can relate to this. When I was a young girl , I asked my Mom if I was pretty. She said I was interesting looking. Didn’t know what to make of that, for the longest time. In high school, I put on makeup cause everyone else was… Still not REALLY caring if it was supposed to be beauty or attractive to someone ” special”. I’ve always been ok with interesting!!! Really , that prepared me for the best self image.. My Mom was ahead of her time maybe.. Nurturing the ” girl power” attitude.. There are more important things in life than being the prettiest flower in the garden!! By the way .. I too love the word handsome to describe many attractive objects and people.”
She is a very handsome woman.
I want to rip this week’s throat out with my teeth.
Well, I find myself compelled by your base, brutal nature and wish I could cheer you on while you did this. Then maybe when you’re done with the throat-tearing, we could all gather around and spray you with champagne or beer like baseball teams do after they win big games, but this celebration would be for Janie_S and her total conquering of The Shitty Week.
(TMI?)
Also I think there should be a bonfire. Or a pyre, to toss the despoiled week-carcass upon.
And upon the pyre you place three ancient eggs, and when the fires reside THERE BE DRAGONS
…(hope you watch Game of Thrones)
Endometrial ablation. I need to get this done, and I want to get this done, and I’m going to get this done. But. I’m finding out that I may be slightly, irrationally scared of the side effects/pain/recovery. Granted, I’m getting it because of the extremely rare side effects from another simple procedure (thanks, Mirena), so there’s that.
So, does anyone have stories of their own about the procedure. It will most likely be the Novasure method.
I’ve not had it done myself, but my mother had one a couple of years ago after 7 years of fibroids and near constant bleeding. She had cramps for a few days, which were apparently not that bad, and actually suggested to me that I might want to talk to my doctor about getting one as a perma-birth control method.
Oh, dear. It’s definitely not perma-birth control. While it destroys almost all of the lining, if you do manage to fertilize an egg, it’s really dangerous. If there isn’t any uterine lining, it heads to places like your tubes, which could kill you. I’ll be going in for ligation after the ablation is done.
But! Good to know that it wasn’t much more than cramping. I’m a constant cramping, walking blood bath right now, so it shouldn’t be too bad. Plus, many of the hormones causing cramping come from the lining, so cramping should decrease after the procedure.
Very good to know. I figured it wasn’t indicated for that anyway, so never did ask. but I also figure that she wouldn’t suggest it to me if it was overly painful.
Seconding Lyzz13 – my mother had hers done about 5 years. She couldn’t be happier, and I don’t think she had much pain afterwards. Based on my periods, I’m probably looking at this in my future, and can’t wait to have it done.
i think i just got sick.
all your home remedies here, please!
hot toddies forever!
Gargling with hot salt water every couple of hours. It’s gross but it can help shorten the duration and ease the severity, especially if you do it as soon as you think you’re getting sick.
Steam in all its forms. Tea, showers, and humidifiers. Boil water on the stove, use a towel as a tent over your head to catch the steam and breath in deeply.
I read this as tea showers, which sounds delightful.
A quart of hot and sour soup, orange juice, and all the tea in the world. (Not simultaneously.)
miso soup with whatever thrown into it. Stir a fat spoonful of miso with a slosh of hot (not boiling) water, stir into a slurry. Add grated ginger, minced or pressed garlic, LOTS of hot pepper flakes, sesame oil, maybe some seaweed or spinach if you have it, scallions ditto. For protein, I like cubed tofu or a poached egg.
And then I can breathe again, aaaaaaah.
First of all: BOOOOOOO COLD. EFF OFF.
Okay. I recommend hot soup of your choice, preferably laced with hot sauce to clear out the sinuses. Lots to drink- I got a bottle of lemonade and one of Gatorade last week, and I’ve been sucking those dry during my current cold. Try mixing them with water too.
I also made a ginger/citrus/honey thing that was a big success, it goes as follows: Chop up citrus fruit (I used a lemon and a lime). Slice a chunk of ginger root into skinny little pieces. Layer them all into a small container, like a little Tupperware or a pint glass, and squish them down tight. Then pour honey over the whole thing until all the little spaces between the chopped bits are filled. (You can also pour a little vodka or rum on top….) Mix it up a little to be sure the honey’s in good, then cover it and let it sit in the fridge for 24 hours. Once it’s done, you can strain it or not (I did), then put big spoonfuls into hot water for tasty tea.
Ginger cures everything.
Several of my friends swear by oscillococcinum for when you’re just starting to get sick, and they get offended when I tell them that homeopathy is not real science. But if you go in for that sort of thing, go ahead.
My own advice would be to take a hot shower, rest as much as possible, drink lots of tea (with echinacea if you don’t mind the taste) and eat things with garlic and/or ginger. There’s a garlic soup recipe on Smitten Kitchen that’s fantastic, although a little time-consuming if you’re feeling run-down.
i’m keeping you company over here. arch this dry winter air that lets viruses just bounce around at will!
having already tried extra sleep, hot tea with honey & lemon, extra vitamins c & d, massaging my poor sinuses, and saline nasal rinses, i’m about to go do some reasonably warm yoga as best I can and see if it circulates/gets rid of some of the evil lymphatic humors. sounds counter-intuitive but exercise has helped in the past to burn colds out…
There is a girl in my knitting group who I thought would make a good Toastie so I told her about it – sorry NicMall but normally I jealously hoard the Toast for myself and my anonymity protection. So basically I made an awesome friend I guess!
Hooray for new, awesome friends! (And I’m glad I’m not the only one that jealously hoards the Toast.)
Pff, anonymity. Lots of people are Aussie expats with triplet toddlers.
p much. hahahaha
I tend to hoard the Toast as well, all while telling my ladyfriend about everyone and starting convos with her like this: “OK, so Mallory wrote this thing on the Toast…” and she is now familiar with everyone and everything without having been on here. What I’m saying is, I talk about this site a lot.
I’m having a “Burn Everything to the Ground” week. I found out a coworker who has significantly less education and experience than me makes way more $$ than me. My boyfriend who tells me he loves me and talks about cohabitation is active and listed as available on OKC. My mom is supposed to be helping me navigate buying a house because she’s an agent but has quickly devolved into caring about only extra bedrooms and elementary schools “just in case” when she knows I’m child-free. And 2 of the groups I belong to are dissolving which leaves me with significantly less of a social life.
My questions are: What should I drink first? And any advice for first-time home buyers?
I like to start with a bottle Pinot Gregio, and then move on to rum. And ew, that sounds stressful as hell. I’m sorry.
You’ve already come up with the only solution I can think of: Burn Everything to the Ground. But I guess you could also Take to the Sea? And Drink All the Things?
Start slow, it’s going to be a long day. 1) Put together a proposal for your employers outlining your skills and education, and go bargain for a raise or at least increase in benefits. Do not directly let them know you know of the $$ discrepancy, but use the knowledge to your advantage. 2) Just ask him about it. It’s rarely what we first assume. 3) Set boundaries. In writing, if needed. Yes, she’s doing you a favor, but dismissing your life choices is insulting and belittling. Calm, rational voice to explain that you’ll find someone else to help if she can’t accept you as you are, and you are an adult making adult choices. 4) YOU ALWAYS HAVE US.
I cannot help you with the second, but with the first? Everything. Drink it all. What a week :/
What to drink first: I would say Bloody Marys, but I have a Bad Habit of not eating or drinking anything BUT Bloody Marys if I have one first thing in the morning, so take that suggestion at your own risk.
Advice for first-time home buyers: Do not buy a house with a partner if you feel iffy about your relationship. Been There. Done That. It sucked. There are not enough Bloody Marys IN THE WORLD for dealing with that shit.
For buying a home:
Make sure you understand what all the payments will be. For instance, if you are buying a very old home that was elaborately built, the replacement cost could easily be 4 or 5 times the selling price, making your homeowner’s insurance completely and utterly insane (ask me how I know!)
Again for an old house, it’s worth it if you’re getting serious to get someone more elaborate than the home inspector in, to test for lead if you’d want to remove that, asbestos if you’re going to be doing a lot of work & moving things, check for repairs that need to be made, etc., and get prices for all this.
It’s easier to fix your house than it is to fix the neighborhood – if it’s near things you like to be near, you’ll be happier than if it has a bunch of extra bedrooms and is 20 miles away form anything interesting.
Make a ranked list of your priorities, and fill out a little form about them on each house visit, if you’re going to look at a lot of properties. Otherwise they all start to run together.
Then go drink a French 75 for me!
I like your style. To add to the true payment issue – mortgage + homeowner’s insurance + PMI (mortgage insurance) + taxes. All of this is generally wrapped up in one payment to the bank, and the bank deals with the payments to the other entities. I’m a spreadsheet person, so I built a spreadsheet so I could evaluate the true payment costs of each property.
Seconding that you should definitely make sure you know all the hidden costs of buying a home – they will raise your monthly payments quite a bit.
My main piece of advice for buying a home though is that if you don’t have (at least) a 20% down payment in cold hard cash, keep looking. Future you will be glad you waited!
Ugh, terrible. On the home-buying thing, that is obnoxious, but I might advise listening to your mom on at least the elementary schools. It’s easier to sell a house in a good school district, so if you can afford one of those neighborhoods, perhaps not a bad investment.
On the other hand, know your needs. If a house has something realtors don’t like the look of (eg a weird unfinished basement that isn’t ‘pretty’ but you’d use for, I dunno, woodworking), you may get a better deal because other buyers are looking for a showpiece. This does not apply if it’s something you actually hate and try to rationalize away because it’s a good price. Things you hate will only become more annoying when you live in a place.
Also things you thought you liked can become more annoying! Try to find the annoyance in all the things before purchasing. Do not blindly fall in love with a house without bringing your most critical and buzz-killing friend along to point out all it’s terrible flaws.
when I found myself in a similar work situation, I walked into my boss’s office, closed the door, told him what was going on, and said, “you will fix this or I will quit.” I would recommend this course of action if (a) you are a valued/valuable employee; (b) you have a good relationship with your boss, both professionally and personally; and (c) you are willing to follow through on the threat to walk out. IF all of those things are true, this method achieves results very quickly. If all three of these things are not true, a more measured plan of attack may be called for. Good luck!
Take to the sea with a bottle of gin. I like Aria gin, but that may not be available in your area.
I hope there is news of a miniature Kingston meetup as well! (Sorry sorry sorry it’s just that Toronto is 2 1/2 hours one way and that’s a job lot of driving to do in one niiiight 🙁 )
I started a new job about a month ago and while generally it’s great and interesting and the people seem nice, there are some things about it that really prey on my irrational social anxieties. like, it’s an open office floor plan, which does foster friendliness and conversation…but also, people don’t have office doors to close while they office gossip with their office friends, so instead, sometimes pairs of people walk by my desk whispering to each other. or I walk into the kitchen space and a couple of them will awkwardly stop their conversation, and I have no idea what to say. 🙁 I thought adult workplaces were supposed to not feel like middle school cafeterias. strategies to deal with those kinds of situations?
Don’t be part of the gossip, and excuse yourself when others start. Be the person that other people can trust not to talk shit about them. It’s a powerful position. It takes some serious mental work to let the whispers of others slither past, but it’s doable. Think charitable thoughts. Show genuine interest and have real conversations with others. If they speak without being catty or shallow, find others to speak with.
An open office is my worst nightmare. And we never leave high school, but we can play the game differently this time round.
I walk into the kitchen space and a couple of them will awkwardly stop their conversation, and I have no idea what to say.
One thing to keep in mind: when that happens, it does not necessarily – or even probably! – mean they’re talking about you or anything related to you. It likely means they’ve just realized how embarrassing it is for them to be overheard talking about [whatever].
And what I’d say is “…” [pregnant pause] followed by whatever seems natural: “Brr, cold out!” or “Do you know where the toner is stored?” or “Big weekend plans?” Or you can just give them the pause, then a simple “Hi.” They’ve created the awkwardness; let them deal with it while you maintain a professional politeness.
There are a couple of women who work in a different business on the same floor as my company who are always doing this. If I walk into the bathroom or go to stand and wait for the elevator while they are there, they stop whispering and immediately fall silent. It makes me anxious even though I have never spoken to them (except for saying hello) and there is no earthly reason they would be talking about me. So, I don’t have any advice, but I feel you.
I definitely feel like I’m starting to get sick – like gross head cold/fever sick.
Sing to me your praises of IUDs – I just scheduled an appt to talk about getting one next week. They’re good, yes?
(Also do tell me if they’re terrible.)
Mirena is the best. I no longer get hormonal migraines, terrible pms, or debilitating cramps. Insertion wasn’t a ton of fun but for something I only have to do once every 5 years it was totally worth it. Also when I met with my gp to talk about it she offered to do it then and there. Yours may or may not do that but I was not prepared for that so I panicked a bit which didn’t help!
Mirena is awesome! However, I actually became allergic to mine (specifically, to the synthetic progesterone) which caused hives and swelling in my face. When I figured out what was going on I had it removed but it was too late, I had already become allergic to my own natural progesterone too. Fortunately I found a great allergist and this whole situation is under control with some pretty heavy duty medication, which I will be on for the rest of my life. If I dad to do it again I would NOT mess with the artificial hormones. Maybe just stick with the copper Paraguard and lots of ibuprofen? But my condition is really rare.
I really love my Mirena, and also I’ve stopped getting a period entirely, which I love more. (I spot maybe one day every three months or so.) I had some sharp twingey cramps for a while after insertion, but they tapered off and now I rarely have any.
I had the same experience as SmrtCookie, too — I thought I was just going to talk about it with the doc and then schedule a second appt for insertion, but as soon as I asked about it she pulled one out of the cabinet. Then it took like, 5 minutes.
Hmm. I have my appt in the morning, and I was planning on just going to work late and staying late – but maybe I should take pto? (I’m guessing I won’t want to go to work after insertion…)
I went to work after my insertion. It was a few years ago and I don’t remember exactly — it probably wasn’t the most pleasant afternoon ever, but I could have gone home and I don’t think I did. It’s up to you / your individual pain tolerance, I think!
I didn’t go back to work right after mine but I think I could have done it with some planning. Make yourself a care package to take to work with you. Mine would have been painkillers, one of those disposable stick on heating pads that’s supposed to be for shoulders but also works for uteruses, ginger tea, and saltines.
I got on a plane right after insertion, and thought I might die there. But like I said, I did not have it inserted at the recommended time so…
I had mine done on a weekend, but yeah. I basically spent the rest of the day with heating pads and as much Advil as I could take. Also wine.
I could have gone to work afterwards and been fine. I had 2 babies before the IUD though, which I understand can affect the pain levels. What I actually did for the first one and the replacement 5 years later, did was schedule the insertion on a Friday, then stayed home afterwards and declared that I needed to be waited on hand and foot for the rest of the weekend. 😀
I love mine so much. The first month or so sucks. I had terrible cramps and bled for like a month straight, but since then it has been smooth sailing. I don’t have a period anymore and it is fantastic. No more god-awful pms or debilitating cramps.
LOOOOVED Mirena! I got it put in at the wrong time, and it hurt for a couple days (traveled to get it, didn’t have a choice in scheduling), and I bled on and off for about six months, but then really hardly ever after that. No period cramps, and 99% of any period bleeding could be handled by just wearing black panties, no kidding.
Some dr.s are not trained to insert it, and will then try to suggest you shouldn’t get it – unless they give you a specific reason (I have a friend whose uterus is jut too small, for instance), do not believe them and go find someone else to do it.
I love mine a lot! Insertion was not fun, but now I have gone from having to take sick time due to cramps and horrendous bleeding to a couple minor aches and some spotting. It’s WONDERFUL.
I am in love with my Mirena. Insertion was uncomfortable and weird but nothing like the “THIS WAS THE WORST PAIN I’VE EVER FELT AND I’VE BIRTHED 15 CHILDREN” hysterics I encountered online while researching it. I had pretty bad cramps for like 6 hours after and then felt fine. Now I have basically no periods and don’t have to think about birth control for 5-7 years! Also my doctor told me that Mirena is a tiny fraction MORE effective than having your tubes tied in terms of preventing pregnancy, so that’s pretty fabulous.
Like all birth control everyone is different, but I do love my Paragard IUD and the security it provides me (I was on the pill from 16-21 and I was really organized then…but now there is no way I could remember to take a pill at the same time every day).
I have a Mirena, and I totally love it (and maybe talk about it too much). Insertion was kind of painful, but I haven’t had a period in 4 years and not having to think about birth control or worry about it at all is really awesome.
I’m thinking about IUDs as well… I was on hormonal birth control because I have polycystic ovaries but I hated it and I was really bad at taking it. Does anyone know if there are other options for controlling polycystic that aren’t TAKE A PILL EVERY GODDAMN DAY AT THE SAME TIME LEST YE DIE? other than losing weight, I know that one :C
soooo, i know there are a few of us PCOS ladies here, and they may be able to back me up on this…
I don’t think losing weight is key, but I think some of the things that go along with losing weight (eating low glycemic diet, exercising very regularly and gaining muscle mass) are KEY. The other thing that pushed me into (dare I say) remission from my PCOS was taking Inositol, twice daily, with folic acid which aids absorption. That literally took my cycles from 31-45 days to 27 days, like a clock. My tweezers get dusty in between uses. And my skin looks great.
As far as research goes, a number of studies have been done on it in Italy, and the data seems to indicate that it’s more effective than metformin in controlling pcos symptoms. I had a particularly challenging case that metformin didn’t do squat for, and the doctors all shrugged at (because I’m not overweight). Keeping my muscle mass high and watching my sugar intake and the inositol and I’m a new woman – it’s awesome!
here is a good summary of inositol: http://www.pcosdietsupport.com/supplements/inosit…
oh god, the hair is just the worst part of it. I CAN GROW A FUCKING BEARD AND MOUSTACHE AND I HATE IT SO MUCH I HATE IT I HATE IT. It is the thing I actively hate about my looks. *throws shit around* All my doctors ever recommended was going on hormonal birth control which helped but it was just hard to do all the time.
I have a copper IUD and I love it. Love love love it.
Insertion was…weird. I mean, it hurt, but it was the weirdest pain – one that I’d never experienced before. The cramps lasted for 2 or 3 days and again, hurt, but were just strange because I’d never had menstrual cramps before. It wasn’t terrible. I’d say it took my body about a year to adjust to it – at first my period was super duper heavy and lasted forever, but the last few months have been fine (my period is 4-5 days now and is really heavy for one day; with the pill, my period was about 2 days and totally light). I still get mild cramping, but nothing I can’t deal with.
Even with a longer, heavier period and some cramping, I wouldn’t change a thing – not having to remember to take a pill, being totally protected against pregnancy, no hormones – it is the greatest.
If it’s an available option, maybe ask about the implant? I’ve been using it for like five years now and I love it. It’s got similar efficacy & side effects to IUDs (mostly period irregularity), but the insertion process is really simple. Not all providers carry it, though, so it can be annoying to hunt down.
For some reason putting something inside my arm seems 1000x scarier than putting something in my uterus. No idea why. (I’ve always been needle-phobic though).
When I got it, it was an injection of a local anesthetic and then a teeny incision (probably about a 1/2 inch). No stitches or anything, and the soreness afterward wasn’t much worse than getting a shot.
But yeah, totally fair to opt out. I’m more cramp-phobic than needle-phobic, myself, so IUDs have always made me a little nervous.
Haha, I got to “injection” and was like “NOPE NOPE NOPE.” To each their own (phobia).
I love my Mirena!
My insertion hurt, but not terribly. Much less than a shoulder dislocation or breaking a finger, but similar to spraining an ankle (only over much faster). It is a different kind of pain, though, in that it feel oddly intimate. I was prepared for the pain, but surprised that my reflex was to snap my knees shut on my doctor’s arm (whoops!). My doctor did give me a pill to soften my cervix that I think was helpful. I don’t remember the name, but you could ask for it! I didn’t go back to work after, but I probably could have.
My Mirena banished my period, although I still spot, and the horrible cramps I used to get with it. Now I get milder cramps at random times but they’re completely manageable.
LOVE MY IUD. I have a fairly high tolerance for cramps due to super bad cramps as a teenager that petered out to a 3 day period with next-to-no cramps in my 20s, so the very bad cramps and bleeding that came with my Paragard were like a drop in the bucket to what I used to get.
I enjoy that I have essentially no chance of getting pregnant, and that I have no extra hormones affecting me.
If you are okay with a heavier period, I would go with the Paragard.
This is good to hear! I’m a plump and anxious creature on hormonal birth control and have been seriously considering a copper iud. Especially because I have pretty light periods and cramps to start with.
I got a new client who calls me multiple times if she cannot reach me, and apparently does not understand that one of the virtues of working for oneself is that one does not need to be awake at 8:30 am to take her phone calls if one wishes to sleep until noon for reasons of one’s own.
“I turn my ringer off when I’m in a meeting, but rest assured that I did get notice of all of your calls.”
teach me your ways
For those of you that miss Jane Marie’s voice, she’s been on the “Yo, Is This Racist?” podcast all week and it’s delightful.
Still can’t sign in from work, sigh.
And speaking of which! I am applying for a job about which I am extremely excited, and at which I’m fairly sure I would be excellent. Currently freaking out over the state of my resume and the cover letter I have to write, because I want this job desperately. At least I don’t have to worry about my references; I have been assured that they will be glowing.
I wish I had some contacts in that department (the Immigration and Refugee Board) I could talk to, but I don’t know anyone in that department and feel weird about contacting someone out of the blue.
Wish me luck? This sounds like it’s right up my alley, but because I don’t know anyone in the department I honestly don’t have the first clue about my actual chances.
Coding circle open thread! I’m starting a new job in February, one where I’ll be doing a lot more coding/developing, and I’m excited but also terrified but trying to mostly be excited.
Related, does anyone know any good tutorial sites/learning tools for EAD XML? I’ve done XML before, but EAD is all new to me.
Ooo, nope, I’ve never even heard of EAD. Congrats on the job!
Congratulations! I don’t know EAD either though! On the plus side: guys, I figured out how to work with Entity Framework myself this week. I should have done this database, I totally could have done it. I should not have let my coworker do it.
Two Things Today, Toasties!
1) I’ve been adding people on twitter recently so if you get a random following you who also follows the bergy bits, et al, hi!!
2) I sent my parents Friday Night Lights on DVD ($55 on Amazon for the whole series, whaaat) and my mom sends me updates “Jason didn’t make the paraolympic squad!” “Does this Lyla girl leave the series eventually??” “I loved Landry killing the rapist and his dad helping him!” and it’s so cute. She haaates football, but she says she gets up and flosses during those parts so it’s all good.
Ughh, I’m working my way through FNL on Netflix now (so good!) but I cannot watch the Landry & the rapist parts. I have to fast-forward through them.
That’s fine, because everyone likes pretending that storyline didn’t happen, including the writers.
I’m doing a rewatch with my husband, who’s seeing it all for the first time. I was trying to power through season two, but we finally called it last night and moved on to season three. The quality difference is stunning.
It took me forever to try it, because football + Texas, but it was SO good. Like, soul satisfyingly good.
Oddly enough, my football-hating wife got my football-loving me into this show, which I never watched before because, I guess, I’m dumb. It’s AMAZING. Absolute love.
My brother, who played football in high school and in college, does not like the show. I think there’s a greater overlap between FNL fans and football-haters than football-lovers.
Lyla is the WORST. Minka Kelly seems like she does a lot of charity and is a nice person but I cannot stand her on that show.
Hello Toasties,
I was hoping for some professional advice. I’m working for a job in Portland at a certain giant company. I live on the East Coast and I’ve applied there before and gotten nothing back. Would it be weird if I send people who are on Linked-In and work at that company messages via Linked-In? Is that super weird and rude?
If it adds to the equation I would err on the side of not doing that, but I am very close to being let go and I would like to join my partner in Portland.
Thoughts?
Eh, it can’t hurt? So long as you aren’t sending naked selfies or something. Maybe ask them how they like it there, and if they have any interviewing tips or something?
Wait, are we not sending naked selfies with our job applications? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?!
Well it all depends on the job of course!
I, too, have been doing it ALL WRONG!
Multiple career-type places have told me that is a completely appropriate and ok thing to do, as long as you are polite and not pushy and clearly explain why you are connecting with them, what you need from them, and make it clear the communication is on their terms (I would love to hear more about your work with chocolate teapots; can I ask you some questions about your experiences? I can send my questions via email or schedule a phone call at your convenience. Please, thank you, etc etc.).
Worse case, they ignore you, best case, you get some new contacts and job leads out of it. I’ve gotten good info from contacting people out of the blue like that (not on linkedin, specifically, but a similar situation) so go for it!
Thanks! I think I’ll do this tonight! I was just worried that it would fall under the, “why is this creepy lady messaging me category?”
Portland, OR, I assume? I might have some suggestions if so…
Portland, OR indeed!
Are you on Twitter/is there some way I can email you? I don’t like putting my email address all over the internets, but I will totally help you out if I can!
Send me an email at and we can chat some more!
I think that is fine — I would just try to message people in HR/hiring functions so they’ll have a greater ability to help you.
I’m speaking as someone who is employed at a massive company — when friends ask me about jobs in far-flung departments I am completely unable to help them, and I feel bad!
I was thinking about messaging people who were in my department. My partner actually works for Company X and has no idea how to get me in contact with the people in Department Y.
If it’s Friday, I’ll probably be there, but I have a wedding to go to on Saturday.
We have an ice day! Cheers for surprise long weekends!
Random question: Are there any other toasties with a hatred/fear of owls? I didn’t even open that article yesterday. *shivers* Owls give me the creeps (I blame Twin Peaks and this ugly fake owl that my Dad hung in our spare room–so so creepy). I’m really hoping this whole owl-obsession-hipster-thing goes away because there are owls on everything right now (less than last year, but still).
Yet, my dislike of owls is no where near my fear of narwhals. (JFC I can barely type it). It’s irrational because I will nEvEr be near one but I am pee-in-my-pants scared of them since I saw a documentary about them years ago. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Share your animal phobias here!
Spiders. I can’t even look at photos of them. Ugh. UGH. UUUUGGGGGGGH.
Phobias suck, man, but I can’t bring myself to start aversion therapy. I just…can’t.
I hate spiders in a beyond socially acceptable manner. They are HORRIBLE.
I’m terrified of snakes. All snakes. I hate them so much. I hate their little faces. I do not even want to look at them.
All birds are the devil. IDK WHAT that post yesterday was trying to prove.
I’m really scared of fish! Especially big ones, like groupers. It is my #1 fear. Obviously, I really hate going to aquariums. I’ll still swim in the ocean, though.
Roaches. I can handle spiders, bees, ants, etc., no problem, but if there is a roach I will make someone else deal with it. I think it’s how big and scuttle-y they are and how much goo seems to be inside them when you skoosh one.
CRICKETS, especially those horrible cave crickets (or camel crickets, or whatever it is lurking in my basement). I really can’t handle them. 🙁
I’m not particularly afraid of adult crocodiles/alligators (I mean they’re dangerous and I would keep my distance, but they don’t freak me out) but just the idea of swarms of baby ones actually makes my flesh crawl. ughghghghggh
This is going to sound beyond stupid, but I am atrociously afraid of sloths. I know. They can’t run after you. But they have disgusting faces, horrible claws, and THINGS GROW ON THEM. Ugh I can barely stand to type this.
The recent sloth worship in memes and media has been a nightmare.
Slugs, leeches. Those sons of bitches need some spines or some carapaces or something.
You guys are great–thanks for making me feel normal about about my owl and narwhal freak outs!! (Everyone’s always like “but they’re so cute!!” No. No. No.)
I’ll add that I used to think koalas were cute until I decided to watch a documentary on Netflix Instant Play about them. They are definitely not cute. Not cute at all.
I am side-eyeing you so hard right now, WHAT COULD BE WRONG WITH KOALAS
no seriously tell me
i am a little afraid to know :/
They make these grunting noises that I find very unsettling! Also in the documentary I ended up watching them have sex, and that was.. weird. I also find the way they move kind of creepy, and the male koalas are really territorial with each other. 🙁
P.S. I watched Cracking the Koala Code. I was on a bit of a nature documentary tear in November, and this was after I watched Bear Island (delightful!) and Raccoon Nation (amazing!).
HMMMM, I shall have to investigate this further.
I too came here to talk about my fear of koalas.
something about them creeps me the hell out. they seem very angry. they experience rampant STIs. they eat only one leaf. they sleep all day. I mean what. I think the fact that they are, on the surface, kind of cute and regular, is what really bothers me about them… so deceiving and sinister!
I also had a nightmare about them once, so that probably has a lot to do with it.
I love that “they eat only one leaf” is an item on your list of reasons to mistrust them.
well if they ate a variety of leaves that would be a different story.
On reflection, I am far more wary of koalas than I am of spiders, snakes, sharks, and all the other hellbeasts we have in this godforsaken southern nation because they make sounds like they are BIRTHING DEMONS. At least the others bring silent death.
CICADAS. They make that horrible noise and they’re so gross and they leave their carapaces everywhere which is EVEN MORE GROSS and your cats will try to eat them and BARF NO THANK YOU NATURE.
Anyone here have experience taking melatonin for making sleep happen / combatting insomnia and restlessness / reestablishing a circadian rhythm? Planning on starting it, at a therapist’s recommendation, but just wondering what I should be expecting…
I took melatonin over the summer, on and off for a couple weeks. I gotta say, it worked great for me – deep, natural sleep, not that groggy horrible sleeping pill sleep. Also very intense dreams.
I also do the totally dorky thing of wearing blue-light blocking sunglasses at night, usually starting a couple hours before I’m ready for bed. I think it makes a difference? Could be psychosomatic, though.
Tried it. It helped me sleep kinda, but gave me just as much of a hangover as Lunesta or Benedryl or anything else I’ve ever taken to help me sleep. You might have better luck!
I take it religiously in the winter as I cannot fall asleep the minute November happens. I have found it super helpful. I’m asleep within an hour and I wake up non-groggy. Occasionally, if I’m super stressed I have to double the dosage so I am able to sleep through the night, but that’s really the only problem I’ve had with it.
I too started taking it on the advice of my shrinko – and have had good results getting to sleep, but not 100% staying asleep. I think part of my problem is I’ve been upping my own intake to get to sleep and waking up periodically through the night and thus groggy in the morning. My advice is try a low dosage every other night for a week and see how you feel. Good luck, sleep tight!
It works pretty well for me, and I’ve never felt hungover the next morning. I also think sleeping pills (just from the drugstore, not prescription) can be great if you really just need to be able to sleep.
I had better results with the kind that you let dissolve under your tongue–it’s probably the placebo effect, but you feel like it’s working. I don’t think it’s strong enough to reestablish your whole sleep pattern, though.
Make sure you have time for a full eight hours of sleep. The only times I’ve straight-up slept through all my alarms and ended up very, very late for work were after taking melatonin.
I’ve been taking Knock-Out (the Schiff herbal sleep aid) for years off and on and I really like it. Definitely find one that works for you and make sure you take it early enough to sleep it off (Knock-Out gives me 7 solid hours without a hangover; also it doesn’t completely knock me out in that I can wake up at the sound of a knock or my phone ringing which is super important!)
Thanks for the helpful responses, all! I think I’m going to try this low-dose this upcoming week. (I work from home most of the week, so there’s room for experimentation!)
As a semi-insomniac, I love Melatonin. I take 10mgs whenever I feel like I might need it and I really think it helps me get to sleep faster. I’ve never had a hangover from it, either. I also use the sublingual ones, usually an hour before I go to bed!
No experience with melatonin, but if you find yourself on the computer/ other electronics a lot late at night, f.lux is a plug-in that will warm up the color temperature of your computer screen/ reduce the amount of blue light going into your eyeballs. It really helped me when I was in grad school working on my computer 24/7- with it on I’d actually feel myself getting sleepy on a semi-normal person cycle
I take melatonin pretty regularly and I think it helps. I often don’t feel tired until too late at night, which makes me a mess the next day, so I take it to make myself sleepy and to make myself want to go to bed. I’ve also had problems sleeping through the night and melatonin has helped a LOT with that. I have found that my dreams are more vivid and a little bizarre, but it’s totally worth it. I wake up feeling more refreshed than without it, and unless I haven’t slept enough, not groggy/hungover. (Once, the fire alarm in my building went off ~2 hours after I had crashed with melatonin, and it was awful being woken up, but yeah.) Umm, when you take it, brush your teeth/do your bedtime routine at the same time so when the sleepiness hits, you can just sleep. Good luck!
Also–I have watched this about 50 times this morning and I’m still laughing http://perrypickuplines.tumblr.com/post/728167058… (It’s Cotton Eyed Joe over the Jagger/Bowie Dancing In the Streets video… just watch it)
yep, i saw this earlier this week and thought it would be merely amusing in a stupid, absurd kind of way, but NOPE IT IS TRANSCENDENTAL.
Is Mick Jagger… is he okay?
I couldn’t reblog that fast enough.
Thanks for this, I was laughing within seconds.
Ughhhhhh, online dating! Is it reasonable to just delete my entire profile except for one line saying “Please go to http://www.the-toast.net and read whatever the front page articles are that day, and if you like it, you will know exactly what kind of person I am and we are probably meant for each other.” ? because i am kind of sick of this whole business, and that seems easier.
I recently reactivated my OKC account and it’s terrible. Just terrible. Worse than before. I mean, yes, I should rework my profile to be less obtuse/sullen, but also everyone is The Worst.
This is a brilliant plan.
There is nothing wrong with Taking A Break if you are that frustrated. (Although that’s probably a great screening method!)
haha I am only just getting started! It’s all so overwhelming.
If I were single and online-dating and saw that on a profile, I would probably click through the link and go to the site and be like “This is awesome! This is the type of person I should be dating!” And then I would realize I had accidentally closed the tab with that profile in it and never be able to find it again.
I think this is the best idea and clearly you should do it. But then again, I keep reactivating my OKC account and then deactivating it in despair (it’s impossible to meet people in this town anywhere but church or possibly the PTA, I have decided), so possibly I’m not the right person to weigh in on this one.
OK I just did it — well, I didn’t replace the whole thing, just one section. I can’t get any fewer messages than I do already, so why not! I’ll report back next FOT if anything comes of it.
I am about to start trying this online dating thing, and I am SO SCARED. Let’s tell each other happy stories of people ending up together after meeting online.
1. BFF and her hubby: great guy. took awhile of chatting before she agreed to meet. Been together 10 years.
2. younger old neighbors who, despite being in school, chose to go online. (This is a mystery to me: your peers are around you; why not look around you while in school?) Still, they are great together.
Happy story: My now-husband contacted me online at [name redacted dating site]. He’d written that one of his favorite writers was Mavis Gallant. She is one of my favorites, too (although this info was not in my profile), so I decided he had to be pretty okay.
When we did meet in real life, we went on the legendary 8-hour date. I still think he’s pretty okay.
Moral: Reading tastes are important. So, I would totally date anyone who directed me to the Toast.
1. I met my partner on OKC! We share a love for cast iron pans. I texted a friend (#2 on this list, actually) right after our first coffee date and told her he was “not terrible.”
2. My sisterfriend met her now live-in gentleman caller on OKC.
3. My mom and her partner met on Match.com. They are the most curmudgeony and so perfect couple.
Online dating can be great!
I met my husband on OKC. He was the third guy I dated from that or any internet dating site. We’ve been together almost five years now. He is excellent and there are probably zero non-internet ways we ever would have met.
I met my current mister in person (at his job, on a site visit) and he never called. But three weeks later, guess who found me on OKC? And we’ve been smooching ever since.
seems pretty reasonable.
I was staring at profiles yesterday and despairing at the amount of men with “eclectic taste” who literally only list books and movies by and about white men (don’t start me on charles bukowski — jesus take the wheel)
considering putting “MISANDRY 4 LYFE” as my “you should message me if” section these days
The Frye boots that my wonderful partner bought me for xmas finally arrived. They Are Beautiful and I am wearing them Right Now (along with a hot pink cashmere twinset that I found at a thrift shop for six dollars). I FEEL PRETTY.
I totally was going to get these last year in brown. I have two other pairs of Fryes. However. Financial stuff happened, and I couldn’t get them, but someday pretty soon I’m gonna be able to revisit the notion.
How are they performing?
I love them! I have narrow feet, super narrow heels, and we’ll call them “slender” calves. They look like they were made for me.
In the interest of full disclosure, I got the brown pair for xmas last year. *cough*
I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM, OKAY? I CAN STOP ANYTIME I WANT.
Oh! Also also I think they are discontinuing this style. Country Outfitters was the only place I found them when I decided I wanted the black pair and it took like THREE MONTHS for them to get off backorder. So…just so you know.
And ALSO also also, they don’t make them in the full lace-up style anymore. The top two laces are zip laces which I hate with a burning passion, but oh well.
Uh-oh. I may have lost out this time around. I keep telling myself that I don’t need any more boots because I live in frickin Texas. And reallly I don’t! But it’s hard to resist when I start getting a hankering for a new pair.
One thing holding me back is that the lace-ups are a little too much like what I wore in the 90’s and I don’t want to look like I can’t let go.
OWN THAT RETRO LOVE, BB.
Also, living in Texas, you deserve to indulge all the hankerings you want. I live in Kansas. I understand these things.
Sure sign that she/he is awesome.
He really, REALLY is. Going on ten years and happier every day.
They are beautiful!
Hey Toasties! I am driving from Massachusetts down into Queens this afternoon (leaving around 3:30) to visit a friend for the weekend. Does anyone have any advice for doing this without getting stuck in traffic for the next 17 years/getting lost and driving around Queens forever until I waste away and die? I’ve looked at a couple different routes but they all sound similarly terrible. I’m from WV, I don’t do this city driving nonsense. D:
Depending on where you are coming from in MA, you’ll likely hit rush hour traffic around Hartford (I-84/I-91 interchange). You may want to look into taking the Wilbur Cross Parkway to the Merritt Parkway. The Merritt runs more or less parallel to I-95 between New Haven and NY, and it’s cars only (no trucks, buses, etc). It’s not guaranteed to be less jammed/faster moving than I-95, but it’s a much nicer drive. All the bridges are different! Historic byway! etc: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merritt_Parkway_Brid…
also – where in mass? if you’re taking the pike or something else west to 91 south, I would recommend getting on CT 15 ASAP. There might be traffic at the onramp but the wait is usually worth it bc the traffic on 95 is usually horrendous in hartford and new haven. For whatever its worth, ive had pretty good luck driving from western mass to brooklyn (close to ridgewood) with little to no traffic on friday evenings. Esp if you have an iphone and you can look ahead at traffic conditions.
and then 278 once youre in NY. Youll be fine!
I am in Western Mass, actually! So no Pike, I can just hop straight onto 91. Would you recommend getting on 15 just south of Hartford, then?
Also, what’s the deal with the bridges? On a map it looks like you can cross either at Whitestone or Throgs Neck, but maybe one of those is a bad choice for where I’m trying to go?
Thanks so much everybody!!
im western mass, too!! Yes, I usually do 15 just south of hartford (you still might hit traffic in hartford – if youre driving with someone you can take the carpool lane!) and then take that (it changes names a couple times – merrit, hutchinson, etc- to 278. There is a bridge on 278 but I cant remember what its called… it goes over an island i think.
Awesome — we should do a Western Mass Toast meetup! There’s always stuff happening in Boston but it’s just so far away (/I’m really lazy).
I am sadly driving alone, which is mostly why I’m so nervous about it. This is really helpful though! Looks like there’s a “service change” listed for the bridge you’re talking about (Robert F. Kennedy?), so I might try to avoid that. Sounds great otherwise though!
Hah, looks like it used to be called the Triborough Bridge and the internet is REALLY mad that they changed the name.
YES, that is definitely the one I’m talking about. Good luck! I think youll be ok! I usually make it in like 3 hours – and im totally down for a western mass meetup – anyone else out here?
Oh, Toasties. I was hoping to tell you all about how lovely my date last night was with the dude I asked out who I hadn’t seen for like six weeks. In fact, my first ever date with a guy I already liked! (I am 30.)
It was not lovely. Assorted sins:
– 20 minutes late without acknowledging/apologizing/text warning
– bad breath (particularly annoying because I FLOSSED IN A FOOD COURT BATHROOM BEFOREHAND)
– We live in Toronto, and he said “I can’t support him anymore because of personal stuff, but I really like what Rob Ford’s done at City Hall. He’s saved the city a lot of money” which is not super true and “People wanted subways and he’s getting them subways” (that area is not best-served by subways–instead they’re accessible to fewer people, especially poorer people in that area). This is red flag I-don’t-read-actual-newspapers shit.
– didn’t ask me any personal questions besides what do you do/where are you from/where’d you go to school
– showed me all the pictures he took in Europe with his neighbour’s stolen lawn gnome, without acknowledging at any point that it was an existing cultural meme and not his own personal idea
– did you know Mexico isn’t as dangerous as people think it is because his family went to Los Cabos for Christmas and it was fine?
I didn’t have as bad a time as that all implies but YIKES. He hasn’t texted me yet today either.
Wow. At least you asked and went for it…hope the food was tasty:)
We didn’t eat, but I did enjoy my beer.
o_O
“He hasn’t texted me yet today either. ”
Small blessings?
Haha, I guess that is a real “such terrible food, and such small portions!” complaint.
Just what I was thinking – thank goodness he hasn’t texted!
Hey, just because I don’t respect his worldview doesn’t mean I want to feel like I was the shitty part of the date!
I agree. “Dude, *I* was going to reject *you*.”
What is it with guys showing you (the royal you, not you personally @no_blues) tons of photos on their cell phones?? I get that all the time in conversation with guys and it’s the weirdest thing. I’ll be talking, they’ll be scrolling and next thing you know I have someone’s weird cat or bedroom decor or whatever all up in my face.
I think I answered my own question, but still. Just sit and listen and chat!
I didn’t mind it but frankly it was not the strongest move for a guy with a cracked iPhone screen :/
Ahahaha no, it wouldn’t be. And it also wouldn’t be too bad if like, you were chatting about Europe and “oh yeah look here’s Notre Dame!” or whatever. I’ve just had guys do this as complete non-sequiters to the conversation (“Did you say you like cats?” No. “Oh. Well, here’s my cat.”). Sorry, I didn’t mean to hijack your story, just rolling my eyes along with you.
I had a date much like this one time! It was my first and only blind date.
I spent like three months of intermural sports pining after this dude. I picked him on purpose. WHAT AM I EVEN DOING.
I offer my sympathy for your bad time though.
It’s one of those things that’s funny now, as this might be for you after a while.
I also got dumped by two guys on the same day one time, and that smarted for at least a couple of weeks!
Haha wow that’s definitely bad! Raises troubling suspicions of a Dumping Deliciousrecoil shared Google Calendar event
I feel like this is like Life Lessons for all of us. Crushes are who they are, not who we think they’re going to be!
Sometimes it takes a while to figure out people’s flaws! Like, I spent ages and ages pining after this guy through a sport. And then I found out that he was very taken and tried to get over him. Which didn’t entirely work until I started to actually get to know him. And he’s fun to hang out with and not a bad guy, but oh man would being his girlfriend be terrible.
I also knew this guy from sports! And I also definitely can’t date him. WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE A GODDAMNED BAKERY WHEN YOU GET SWEATY YET WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON. UNFAIR.
Did the stolen garden gnome meme start with Amelie, or did Amelie steal it from somewhere?
And, I’m sorry for your bad date!! Some dudes are just better off lusted after from afar.
I was actually really curious about that myself, so I looked it up when I got home last night! It seems to have been circulating in popular culture since at least the ’90s but is said to have started in the ’80s. There’s a big ol’ “(citation needed)” in the Origins section so who knows.
I actually continued to lust up close but with increasing sadness/cognitive dissonance.
We have all lusted with cognitive dissonance, it’s a hard row to hoe. My sympathies. (This one friend of a friend I thought was super cute and redheaded and bearded and fun, and it turns out, yeah, he’s fun but he’s also a bad thing personality-wise, like, pretty argumentative and so on. He still looks cuddleable to me but Noooooooooo thanks, it would not work out. Sadness. At least I figured it out before thinking I should ask him out.)
Undateable hot bearded gingers make me sad too. MAN.
<ishowed me all the pictures he took in Europe with his neighbour’s stolen lawn gnome
This is killing me. KILLING ME. Existing cultural meme aside, who thinks this is a cool/funny/impressing thing to do on a first date? Or in life? “O hai check out this thing I stole and spent time/energy photographing in Europe.”
Nopenopenope.
A few years ago, I went out with a dude I’d had a major crush on in high school. At some point he mentioned how he hates Obama and love George W. Bush. Taken aback but curious, I asked why.
“Obama is such a terrible speaker,” he replied. “Bush is a great speaker.”
Every piece of thrill I had about hanging out with this dude was immediately gone and I suddenly realized that not only were his politics diametrically opposed to my own, but he was not clever at all.
Also when he picked me up in his car, he was playing his band’s cd.
“Also when he picked me up in his car, he was playing his band’s cd.”
THIS HAS ALSO HAPPENED TO ME (it was his solo album, in his mom’s minivan, to be specific). WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THIS IS OKAY.
This guy also had the hockey announcer version of that Obama/Bush opinion, which is way more inconsequential but Not Promising.
I’m coming to the Toronto meet up!!!!!!!!!
I love the idea of 2014 not starting until February, unfortunately I still have to work and get in and out of my car/walk to kid’s houses ~20 a day into the frigid air and next week is going to be SOOOOO cold again! I think I am going to let my boss know that I need to hibernate each year from November to March….
I have started looking up OT jobs in Hawaii.
I am encatted and hungry. Anyone want to make me dinner?
Yeah, sure. Do you want some pork tenderloin? Or some chili? I got some baguettes. WE CAN EVEN HAVE A SALAD.
I’ll pass on the salad (I don’t do healthy food) but any of the other options sound lovely thankyou!
I FRANKENSTEIN COMES OUT TONIGHT
Not until Wednesday in the UK – but I may well have plans for Wednesday night now…
Update since last week’s open thread about my obsession with watching YouTube videos of people making miniature food out of polymer clay.
I bought a bunch of supplies and have been churning out fake food all week! I’m totally hooked. So far, I’ve made macarons, doughnuts, cake, popsicles, cannoli, wafer cookies, and truffles.
Pics?
Hmmm, can I post pics here? I don’t know how. 🙁
Use an < img src=” ” > tag. Just delete the spaces I included there so the text would show up.
Let’s see if I do this right.
SQUEEE TINY FOOD. I love tiny things, and people making tiny things, and tiny food especially. This is wonderful. I want to make tiny food.
Oh my god, you MADE those? And you just started? Are you a wizard?
I should tell you I watched HOURS of YouTube tutorials before I started. Also, glaze makes everything look good!
I LOVE TINY FOOD. A friend of mine used to make felt foodstuffs and they were AMAZING. When I was little, I made tiny berry pies (with fancy lattice-work tops!) using bottlecaps as the pie pan.
I make felt food too! I like the idea of a lattice-top pie. I need to try that out.
Oh my god. Is it as easy as they make it look? I feel like mine would all turn out oversized and lumpen. What would you say the initial investment is on this hobby?
It’s not super hard if you watch good YouTube tutorials and just practice what they do. You could buy a few different colors of clay and tools at the craft store (pretty inexpensive) and make, say, some mini doughnuts and work up to more intricate things from there. The pieces of colored clay are about $2.50-$3 each. You should give it a try.
I love that you are doing this.
Protip for budget minded Toast addicts: you can set up a donation to The Toast via Paypal for any amount, and have it recur. I can’t do much, but a little bit each month can add up if others can do the same.
*not posted for attention or thanks, but because it’s a good idea and wanted to share.
That… is a good point. Sadly paypal and I have nothing but hate for each other.
Understandable. Maybe something like Flattr instead?
I did this too! It’s nice because I forget I have it set up and then I get a little notification each month, and it’s like giving someone a present that’s also a surprise to you!
TOAST TITHE. yeeessssss this is such a good idea.
Perfect name.
Ugh this week has been a series of big lows and good sized highs:
Low:
my kitty of 18 years had to be put to sleep yesterday. Well, the family cat. I live abroad, so I only got to see her a few times over the past couple years, but I will still miss her so much.
High:
today I bought a fancy semi-automated brewing system to get going with my dream to start a brewery here, and say fuck you to my previous dream of being underpaid in a museum. I wanna be mah own bossy lady and I willll goddamnit!
I am so so so so sorry about your kitty. *heartbreak*
That is exceedingly sad. But I am SUPER EXCITED for your brewery dreams!
I’m so sorry about your cat! That absolutely sucks. But good luck with your brewery dreams!
Condolences about your cat, but congratulations on your fancy brewing plans.
Aw I’m so sorry about your kitty 🙁
But from one potential would-be entrepreneur to another, yay about your brewery system!
Aw, thanks everyone! it’s always so hard losing a buddy, especially when she’s been a fixture for almost two decades. She would have been 88 in people years, so she had a good inning.
As for the brewing though, it’s early days, but it’s time for the Matriarchy to reclaim beer for our own, and I want to be on the front lines!
Toasties, I am gonna see Frozen tonight on a date with myself, and I am so excited!
Replying to myself to say that dates with yourself are best, because you don’t have to share popcorn.
Especially movie dates, because come on, aside from having someone to save your seat in case you need to leave the theater to pee, there is no upside to going to movies with other people.
yay frozen! tell us what you think!
Frozen is SUPER AWESOME and I hope you enjoy it! Also dates with yourself are awesome, I used to do those in college and they were the greatest.
i took myself to see inside llewyn davis the other week and it was great. i found the perfect seat, kept my snack all to myself, didn’t have to explain my teary-eyed sniffles, walked myself home, bought a pastry, IT WAS GREAT.
solo movie dates are the best. i like going on them even when i’m dating someone else. enjoy yourself!
When I take myself on a movie date, I usually go walk (sneak is the technical term) into a different theater and see 2 movies. If there’s a multiplex you can guess exactly how much time apart you need them and plan it out ahead of time. A couple weeks ago I took myself to see Anchorman 2 and American Hustle.
I CAN’T DO THE 1ST I WILL BE GAME JAMMING.
I just completely screwed something up at work (like $3k that we don’t have in our budget screwed up) and I’m freaking out. I told the person I’m reporting to (my boss is out getting a tooth pulled) and he seemed calm and I tried to tell my boss but she’s at home and recovering and I don’t think she understood the severity of the situation. I’m just super terrified because even though I’m trying to fix it now my boss really doesn’t like me, gets anxious close to events (this is for an event we’re having on Saturday) and takes her anxiety out on me and I think I’m going to have a heart attack if I don’t get this fixed.
This is definitely one of those days when I wish I had my adipose (dr who) stress ball with me : ( : ( : (
Very sorry. One of my first tasks at work resulted in a $10,000 mistake… and they didn’t even fire me! Maybe it can be fixed? In any case, here is a sympathy calzone!
Seriously, if everybody who made a mistake got fired for it, nobody would have jobs!
Everybody makes mistakes! Stuff happens and people fuck up, and it happens all the time. Do your due diligence and report up the chain, do your best to fix it, learn your lesson to not do it again, and take some deep breaths. Hopefully your boss will be reasonable and remember that she’s made some mistakes in her life too, because she’s human.
Also, if your boss is upset when you reach her, try to stay calm. Don’t freak out and start making excuses to explain why the mistake happened, or you’ll seem overly defensive. Just tell her you understand that it was a mistake, explain what lapse in your system allowed it to happen, and say how you will prevent it from happening in the future.
@paperbgprincess @lemonadefish thanks so much you guys. Fortunately I raced around in a panic and was able to get the charges dropped down to $300 instead of three thousand, all before my boss called to check in. I’m definitely walking on eggshells still but I’m so glad that’s over. It was so horrifying though because the price list said $14-30 and they ended up trying to install a whole other thing that we didn’t need and that’s where all the money came from.
Phew, that’s great news! Good job fixing it quickly. Yay!!
Wow, that’s a great recovery! I know that it’s still rough to make the mistake, and stressful when you can’t count on your boss to be reasonable, but it sounds like you’ve done really, really well under the circumstances.
Would it help if we all shared stories of money we lost our company? I once didn’t double check the current account balance for a client (at my manager’s direction, but still my ultimate responsibility), and then put in an order to trade stocks with money a client didn’t have, and overdrew their account! So then you have to pay margin interest and we have to retrade the next day. And it was FUN. We also had to send this memo and all this documentation since margin trading was against their account bylaws.
The girl I replaced here also fell for a phone scam and ordered hundreds of dollars of toner on accident that doesn’t work with out copier. And she got promoted, which is why they hired me!
I hope your mistake is resolved quickly 🙁
Thanks so much. It’s so so good to hear this, I always think that I’m the only person in the world who has ever made this particular mistake and it makes me freak out more. Fortunately I got the issue resolved and the charges down to a few hundred (instead of a few thousand. I think it helped a lot that my boss wasn’t in the office, she makes me really anxious and scared and it’s hard to focus when my anxiety is high.
Just this week I resuspended $300 worth of chemical (not even thinking about the overnight shipping from Europe!) in 1:1 methanol/chloroform (AS INSTRUCTED BY THE DATA SHEET I MIGHT ADD) and when I add it to my samples at biologically active concentrations the chloroform globs melt the plate & the methanol kills my cells! Total tab from failed experiments is probably like one million dollars D:
Please never let me have that much responsibility/chance to lose $1M easily.
Oh, it wasn’t easy. It’s taken me over a decade to be that much of an inept squanderer! (Also hopefully $1M is an exaggeration)
Oh god if you had to add up my science screw ups….I think my biggest was messing up a microarray – those things cost like $600 a go. Accidentally putting (SOMEONE ELSE’S!!) lipofectamine in the freezer (I was new in the lab! It had recently been defrosted! It looked like a fridge!!). The hours of FACS sorting for an experiment that went nowhere…
I’m not charity funded, but this is why I always feel slightly bad for people who work hard raising money for disease research.
that was so much science my brain stopped halfway through and then picked up at “probably like one million dollars”
I never technically lost any money at my old fast food job, it was more that the cash registers were terrible and it was really easy to ring things in as $1000 and $10, and really hard to realize you’d done it. For my first few months of employment, management consequently wasted a lot of time running around looking for thousands of dollars they’d never had in the first place.
Yeah, I work in accounting, so we are constantly making mistakes that cost ourselves and other people money, but fortunately there is always a way to fix the problem. The only thing we ever need to worry about is explaining how the mistake was corrected to our auditors. They don’t even care that the mistake was made, just that we documented everything that happened and corrected it as best we could.
I have been reading Amy Tan’s novel The Valley of Amazement, which I think is a great book but… I don’t want to spoil anything, but it is basically a terrible idea for a pregnant lady (me) to read this book. ALL THE TEARS! I’m nearly done, and I’m very much hoping that there is something like a happy ending, but either way I need a light-hearted, funny book to help me recover. Suggestions?
I already read and loved Katie Heaney’s new book, so that one isn’t an option. I should have saved it for afterward! Also I’ve read Hyperbole and a Half, Tina Fey’s Bossy Pants, Mindy Kaling’s book… but maybe something like a funny memoir? I don’t know.
I liked Samantha Bee’s book. I flew through it, and I admit I may have liked it better than Mindy Kaling’s book.
I love Mindy Kaling, but reading that book was a little bit like going out for drinks with your totally-fun-but-sometimes-flaky friend who never lets you get a word in edgewise. See also: Rachel Dratch’s book, which was a little bit like going out for coffee (BECAUSE SHE WOULD DISAPPROVE OF YOUR CHOICE OF BAR) with your sometimes-sour older sister who also never lets you talk.
p.s., I bought Aisha Tyler’s Self-inflicted Wounds but I haven’t read it yet; it’s a gift for The Fella’s birthday, so I’ll get a crack at it once he’s opened and read it. Gee, I hope he doesn’t read the comments here, shhhhhhhhh OH HI HONEY.
Thanks! Bought it.
Kat Incorrigible by Stephanie Burgis is a fun middle grade regency fantasy romp.
A Trifle Dead by Livia Day is a light murder mystery with banter, glitter, frocks and shot glass trifles.
Male author BUT, A Lee Martinez’s Divine Misfortune!
Blurb via Amazon: Teri and Phil had never needed their own personal god. But when Phil is passed up for a promotion – again – it’s time to take matters into their own hands. And look online.
Choosing a god isn’t as simple as you would think. There are too many choices; and they often have very hefty prices for their eternal devotion: blood, money, sacrifices, and vows of chastity. But then they find Luka, raccoon god of prosperity. All he wants is a small cut of their good fortune.
Oh – and to crash on their couch for a few days.
DIVINE MISFORTUNE is a story of gods and mortals – in worship, in love, and at parties
It’s hilarious and a nice fluffy read.
Thanks! Bought it.
NOOOO it’s Chinese New Year weekend so I will be out of TO visiting family 🙁
It’s Chinese New Year? …. I am such a bad Asian.
… i sometimes mess up the rice…
Chinese New Year is Jan 31st! 🙂
… I don’t really love rice…
I didn’t like rice until I was like 8, much to the shame of my mother
Wonderful Toasties/Toasters/Toastatrons!
Since I heard from a lot of you about creating a writer’s group, I’m going to create a group for us on Srcibophile. I’ll post a link soon!
Shit! Nevermind, turns out I’m not active enough to create my own group yet.
Can anyone else create one? Or maybe have ideas for organizing another way (google doc, mailing group, etc.)?
I have apartment hunting to do today so I may not reply right away but I’ll keep an eye on this discussion.
How do I make a group? I am all confused. Looking now.
I found out how, now the name? Toasties? Edit: I’m going with toasties. You can find the group at: http://www.scribophile.com/groups/toasties/
The name is very changeable!
Grad school question for the academic Toasties! I don’t really know how masters programs work!
I’m contemplating doing a masters in theatre studies, in Toronto, where I live. However, it’s really difficult to find faculties where any profs specialize in musical theatre, which is my primary area of interest, specifically the business practices of Broadway musicals. Would I be better served to look into schools in the States, where that area of study is more common? Keeping in mind that would take grad school completely off the table because American schools are crazy expensive and I can do a masters in Canada for like seven grand. How important is the specific focus of my intended MRP/thesis to my choice of school? EXPLAIN GRAD SCHOOL TO ME.
Grad school is a scam through which you are removed of all your money and will to live.
Though for $7k I might try it…
I have no idea about the focus of the school vs. your thesis. Maybe call some program directors and talk to them? Tell them what you want to learn and ask them if you can learn it there, and if not, where.
I’m the secretary for graduate students in English at a Midwestern US university, and it is SUPER important that your research area matches up with the faculty. If the school you want to go to doesn’t have the faculty to support your desired areas of studies, they might reject you on that basis alone. We send regretful denies to stellar applicants at least a few times a year because they wouldn’t get the faculty support they deserve from us.
The money issue is huge, though, and I can’t tell you to ignore that factor. Maybe contact the Canadian programs that look especially appealing to ask how they feel about outside/American faculty members on your committee?
That is very helpful, thank you! I’d rather not waste time applying to schools that wouldn’t take me anyway. I’d never thought about getting outside faculty members on my committee; would they have to be from schools that have a formal partnership with my school?
Our program certainly doesn’t require that. Heck, one of my students had Richard Dawkins on his dissertation committee (that was annoying for me, but great for the student). If you’re seriously considering doing something like this, just ask the department how they appoint temporary or ad-hoc graduate faculty status to people outside the university, and what sort of credentials the person needs to hold. This is probably a university policy, not a departmental one. For example, at my university, any person outside the university who wants to serve on a committee must have a terminal degree, or a whole hell of a lot of experience to back up their credentials. We’re a little more lenient if the person is employed by the university but not tenure-track. For example. an adjunct can serve on PhD committee even if s/he only holds an MA not a PhD. In no circumstances, however, can someone who isn’t regular graduate faculty status at our university serve as the chair of a committee.
If you have other questions, feel free to contact me. This is my department: http://www.english.ku.edu/ The phone number is at the bottom of the page. If you call, ask for the Graduate Secretary. Or if you use the email link at the bottom of the page, that email comes directly to me.
That’s a super generous offer! It’ll probably be a year before I even apply for anything, so you won’t necessarily be hearing from me soon — still trying to weigh the deciding factors before I get in deep with applications.
It is extremely important. I’m sorry. But call the schools in TO, talk to someone (an adviser!) and see if there’s anyone with an interest in the department whom you can email or speak to. Even if it’s not a posted/listed interest, there may be someone willing to work with you.
But if not, it will be very, very difficult.
Don’t be sorry, that’s why I asked! I appreciate the advice!
Grad school is the place where mansplaining was born. OH MY GOD BEARDIE, SHUT UP I KNOW.
Oh, is that not the part of grad school you needed explained because you already knew that part? EXCUSE ME, I WAS JUST FOLLOWING BEARDIE’S LEAD.
im new to this site (shame!! but eternal happiness now). i’ll definitely be there, either night is good, though probably the friday because i think i’ll be celebrating my bday early on the 1st. can’t wait!
Has anyone here ever read Sheridan Le Fanu? I finished Gaudy Night recently, in which Harriet Vane is writing a paper on him, so I looked him up and his work sounds pretty cool. But I am not a reader of horror, so I’m a bit scared to check out his work without first being assured that it won’t give me nightmares…
He is quite scary I’m afraid. The ‘horror’ of that era is quite different from modern horror stories, but it still scares me. I’m a big fan of 19th century ghost stories in a weird and slightly academic way so I’ve read a lot by him and the other big names of the period. They’re atmospheric and beautifully written – not often all that graphic but they do the job. I heartily recommend him, but I can’t promise no nightmares.
SHERIDAN, MY LOVE. Read all of In a Glass Darkly. All the stories are creepy and beautiful, but not nightmare-inducing. Plus it has “Carmilla,” which is a vampire story that came out before Dracula and is much better and has a lesbian vampire.
Thank you both! Perhaps I’ll save them for a time I’m feeling particularly brave, because Carmilla sounds pretty awesome.
Gaudy Night! Did you love it or did you love it!?
I did love it! I had to pick up Busman’s Honeymoon the next day so that the story could continue! I had never read Sayers before, and came to Gaudy Night after a Poirot binge. Christie’s work is so action-oriented, and Gaudy Night was so dense and academic (to me) at first that I really had to adjust my expectations for detective fiction. But some of her prose was so beautiful that I was glad I did. The passage that struck me most, and almost made me cry, was when Harriet describes in detail parts of Wimsey’s face she had never noticed before, seeing him for the first time as a lover. I wish I could find the text (a google search has not helped), because it really moved me. So, yes, Gaudy Night! A beautiful love story.
Last night I made baguettes! I don’t have much else to say but they are tasty.
Pls post the recipe! I really want to bake bread this wkd, I was thinking of making this: http://www.simplysogood.com/2010/03/crusty-bread….
It came out of a cookbook, so I can’t post the recipe. http://www.amazon.com/Bread-Bakers-Apprentice-Mas… The French bread recipe in this one.
That looks decent. I do recipes that require kneading, generally, but then I have a stand mixer with a dough hook so I can be sooo lazy it’s perfect.
I will definitely come to a Toronto meetup!
Hello everybody. Hello. I’ve never posted in the open thread before. Just saying Hello. Will stop saying Hello now.
I have started running. Zombie, Run Couch to 5K. I’m hoping to enjockify myself before my next, Significant birthday. It’s great, I am enjoying pelting down the alleyway behind my house listening to ‘Me Jane’ by PJ Harvey and feeling like somebody who might one day amount to something. The thing is I am such a Couch Croquette, I don’t know what is ‘good pain’ and what is ‘your kneecaps are about to explode like a bullet to a zombie’s brain’ pain. So every time a muscle twinges I think ‘that’s it. My running career is OVER’.
Also, whenever I look for Beginner Runners’ sites they’re ALL about the weight loss, and yes, right now i’m bigger than I enjoy being, but that’s not my focus and I read them and I start getting excited about potential weight loss and I don’t like being excited about potential weight loss. I have upgraded from that emotional neighbourhood. I am happy to pass through it, but I need to avoid being suckered into sub- letting another shitty one- room apartment in Potential Weightlossville. It is a shitty place to live without even basic civil amenities.
So. There’s That.
Hello!
If you’re looking to enjockify/badass yourself in a culture that doesn’t prioritize weight loss, have you considered looking into Olympic style weightlifting? It’s not nearly as scary as it seems. Although having a coach to teach you the basics is pretty crucial (and more expensive than a pair of running shoes).
Agree, and would just want to throw powerlifting out there for consideration! I think coaching is a little less necessary than Olympic weightlifting, but if you (OP) are starting out in either you’re going to want some coaching.
Yes! Powerlifting is awesome, too! I do a combination of both. I just started doing it late last year and I’m 43. I LOVE IT. I love my coach. Seriously, a good coach is so worth it if it’s at all financially feasible. I would stop buying boots if I had to, in order to keep my coach hired, and that’s saying A LOT.
@CleverManka @rkfire I can honestly say I have never considered weightlifting as a thing I might do; I’m still a little thrown by the idea of having spent a week’s rent on shoes which will only be worn for *sports purposes*. It’s a fairly intoxicating idea though! Can I ask, pre- power/ weight- lifting, where did you start from fitness- wise? I am slightly boggled at the idea that the lifting of weights is something a person could start doing (in my case) in their late ’30s. Wouldn’t my aged old tendons just snap like twigs?
Good pain vs injury pain – it’s hard to explain, but once you’ve felt both, you’ll know the difference. You know how after you’ve run, the next day you feel it in your thighs when you go to get up from the chair, and you know you’ve exercised?
Compare that to the pain of a splinter, for instance, or if you press on a bruise. I find them very different feelings and I know when I’ve actually injured myself.
I’m just starting a post-quite-bad-injury rehab programme and I am having to embrace the ‘good pain’ even though my torso feels like a bag of jelly that’s been beaten with sticks. There’s one old injury site (not the one I’m rehabbing from, typically) that is teetering on the edge of ‘bad pain’ but I’m being super-aware of that and trying not to tear the muscle.
And people keep saying ‘ooh, how does having cheesy fries for lunch match up with your exercises’ which is irritating.
I disliked running, and then I tried the Zombies, Run! 5k training and liked it.
Going slow, as suggested by Adventure_Club, was definitely part of it. Also only running in little bits at the start of the program. So basically, just not pushing myself too hard. The zombies helped, too.
(Then I hurt my feet and quit, but I don’t think that was the program exactly. Among other things, I had listened to the barefoot running evangelists.)
EDIT: This was supposed to be in reply to Alice, which is why it doesn’t make much sense in the conversation. Sorry about that.
Yesterday I was very tired and underfuelled and doing the absolute bare minimum until I was told there was a shambler behind me and I really did speed up. I mean, I knew I needed to look after myself and not run further or faster than necessary, but still… there was a zombie behind me…
I got tricked by secretly bad pain recently, though, and screwed up a bad knee worse than I had in years. It turned out to be my usual patellar tendonitis, but partly because I was in worse general shape than usual, it didn’t feel the way it had before and got worse than it had in a long time. (It also felt better when I exercised and hurt when I stopped moving, so I figured that going even harder was a win/win! Idiot me.)
So I had to add a new guideline. Generally, I find that dull pain or muscle exhaustion = good pain, sharp pain = bad pain. But now I add dull pain/stiffness around a joint = probably bad pain. And swelling = bad.
My response to the latter would be ‘exercise is marvellous; cheesy fries are marvellous. PERFECT MATCH.’
As one of those people who was a Floating Brain for the first three decades of my life, moving only as much as was necessary to get me from one bookshelf to another, I am only just beginning to trust that I might be able to tell when I’ve actually damaged my body. (Other than blisters. I know about blisters). The splinter/ ache comparison is a useful one, thankyou.
Did you ever enjoy running before? I am thinking about taking it up mostly because after you get the shoes it is free & doesn’t have hours of operation, but I always hated running before. Haaaaated it. But I haven’t run more than like two blocks in maybe 9 (9?! Jesus christ!) years.
I ran for years. My experience and that of runners I know: it’s for masochists. We enjoy *having run*. The pleasure is almost exclusively post-run. It appeals to loners and to those who enjoy zen-like activities. A long jog is great time for meditation or for planning the day. However, not a lifelong activity. Had to give it up when my body started taking longer to heal than the healthy time it gave me between stress injuries. Walking is as effective, just minus the endorphin rush. I miss you, endorphins!
My experience is completely different – I DO enjoy the experience of running (most of the time) and would most certainly not be a runner if it required masochism because I am pretty much a hedonist in all other areas of life.
I used to hate running, though. What changed for me was that I started going a lot slower (really a lot) than I thought I should. Then all of a sudden it was fun. So if you (mollyculetheory) are thinking of trying after not having run for years and having hated it before, you should start SLOW first and see how that feels.
Free once you’ve bought your shoes and your sports bra, if you’re a person with bosoms. The authorities are unanimous on this point.
Toasties! What should I buy at the liquor store for drinking tonight while watching shitty television? (I LOVE being an old lady and never being expected to go out on a Friday) Options:
1) Fancy beer
2) Red wine
3) Gin
4) Other? I’m open to suggestions.
gin & ginger ale is my favorite homebody tv-binge-night beverage 🙂
Ginger beer and rum for Dark and Stormies?
Bourbon + ginger beer.
Bourbon + hot chocolate.
Bourbon + moar bourbon (and maybe some ice).
it is like you are lookin’ right into my noggin.
I am on team gin.
Did you see that Earl Grey infused vodka/gin suggestion on Page One? SRSLY.
Yeah I ran right out after reading that and started making it… everyone in my office is really jealous now. Going to combine it with vanilla soymilk and pour over ice when I get home… I am even more excited for Friday Night Sweatpants Time now.
i would say all of the above. if that’s not an option then watching shitty tv with red wine is generally the way to go. also fancy beer and cheap chips with cheese melted on them and jalapenos on top for good measure. gin should just be around always. sometimes, prosecco and peach juice is the healthy way to go. bartender out.
Whiskey/Scotch, red wine, gin. In that order.
A malbec or cab sav
True confessions: The real reason my iPhone is no longer working is that it accidentally went through the wash with the sheets in anticipation of a man coming over.
Also: Guess what happens when a Canadian and a Midwesterner try to have a hookup? It’s a flurry of “I’m sorry,” apologies, guilt, and despair! And, despite everything, you’ll lose your head about it and get nothing done for an entire week!
“Guess what happens when a Canadian and a Midwesterner try to have a hookup? It’s a flurry of “I’m sorry,” apologies, guilt, and despair!”
Yeah, this seems right to me, but I’m sorry it was correct re: you guys.
(I am Canadian and had a guy snap “STOP APOLOGIZING” during a blowjob)
I’M SO COLD. And my friend who was visiting has gone home. (Though she’s moving here this spring!) (BUT SHE’S GONE NOW.) And I’m trying to be fiscally responsible so I can’t even comfort myself with greasy takeout.
MY LIFE IS SO HARD.
Life *is* hard, and everything is so much worse when you’re cold. SO MUCH WORSE.
So I spent this morning making a period masterpost on tumblr: http://fannybrawne.tumblr.com/post/74390979011/un…
Oh, this is super handy! It has also confirmed that I have started getting PMS over the past several months, argh.
I have noticed that my PMS has gotten much worse than it used to be. I’m not exactly sure what the dealio is but I am considering seeing a doctor about it!
Yeah, mine kind of came out of nowhere, and I still super bad at identifying it as PMS until after the fact. Like, I spend four days in a state of crippling anxiety convinced that I am incapable of functioning, and then, bam, shark week. I should really get one of those trackers.
oooh cool. nice tumblr 🙂
femilia.com is also a good tracking site, I’ve been using it for a couple years now.
OH ONE MORE THING. A 20-something guy on local-mass-transit accidentally grabbed my hand on the handrail when the subway car lurched, because he was too busy hitting on the lady with him to notice my hand. And when he apologized, the COMPLETE AND UTTER JERKWAD CALLED ME SIR WITHOUT EVEN A SLIGHT HESITATION.
and now i feel old.
That sounds like an excellent time for laser eyes.
Honestly, I was too surprised. I’ve never been sir’d before.
Some older Eastern European/Russian(?) lady got on the train yesterday, and put her hand half over mine on the pole. I stared her down and didn’t move my hand. WTF do people think they’re doing? She looked a little like Baba Yaga though so I’m a bit scared 😉
Just beware the evil eye. She could put a curse on you.
Toasties, any advice about warding off an incoming mansplainer? One has taken to wandering through our open-plan grad student workspace and stopping by my desk to talk at me about:
-whether I am reading Particular Book (I’m not, I am clearly reading A Different Book About A Totally Different Topic)
-how the author of Particular Book is “really, really stupid” (Well, I haven’t read the book, although I like another project by that author…)
-how he once kept asking the author pushy questions about her methodology and disciplinary commitments in a seminar at Fancy University, and she got really pissed at him, but he was right
-how we should get coffee some time (Yeah, hell no.)
If he does this a few more times, we’re definitely going to get into “Set him on fire” territory, but I’m looking for something pithy to send him back to the dark depths from whence he came next time he tries to chat.
uggggghhhhhhhh. Is it possible to cultivate an air of polite detachment? To wit:
“Hmm.” ::move eye contact elsewhere::
“I didn’t find that to be the case. Excuse me, I need to work on this.”
“Did you think that was necessary?”
“No, I’m busy with another project.” ::looking at notes again::
Basically, if you can, don’t reward him with anything beyond the minimum of polite conversation unless and until he says something YOU find interesting and valuable.
Best of luck!
Excellent suggestions and all I can add is : wear headphones/ listen to music or just wear headphones without music
Yes, non-engagement is the way to go. Pithy is dangerous; if you are pithy he may think you are bantering and will definitely respond at tedious length. Mansplainers trying to hit on you are very fond of bantering, and very bad at it.
“No, we shouldn’t get coffee. I don’t like you.” might do the trick. Pretty confrontational though, which may not be your bag.
Don’t forget my favorite tactic for people I never want to hear from again: respond to what they are *really* saying.
Yes, certainly I will confirm that you are more intelligent than Author of Particular Book. Confirmation is what you’re asking for right? Good luck with that lack of confidence. Now leave me alone.
Yes, certainly I will confirm that you were right in that pushy question. Confirmation is what you’re asking for, right? Good luck with that lack of confidence. Now leave me alone.
ugh. I would just be direct, and look polite but pained that you need to say this. “Hey. I’m working right now, okay.” Then back to book.
With some chronic ‘splainers in my life, I have finally settled on “That hasn’t been my experience. At all” and, if necessary, a crisp “We aren’t going to agree on this, so let’s move on” as my primary weapons. The latter particularly knocks ’em off their track of yammering, I find. I will repeat it as many times as necessary and/or simply walk away after s/he* disregards it the first time.
*Yeah, we all know that whatever the category of ‘splainer and despite the presence of plenty of full-of-selves female grad students, it’s much more often “he.”
Today is the worst TODAY IS THE WORRRRRSSSSSTTTTTTTTT. I am so over this week, I need it to be over immediately.
Woke up early and thought my clock said 6:27 (22 minutes late) instead of 5:27 so I panicked and was awake way too early and couldn’t go back to sleep.
Cold as balls outside. (Seriously ugh “feels like -10 F”? kill me.)
TWO CONSECUTIVE CARS on the train had homeless people in them and smelled like death (despite the fact that my nose can barely function when it’s this cold outside).
Got into work and all holy hell broke loose – I didn’t even sit down until 11am. No one doing what they’re supposed to, technology not working correctly… just UGH.
I want to be home under a mountain of blankets right now, drinking Earl Grey vodka. Really need this to be a thing.
You and me both. I’ve already canceled my plans for tonight in favor of curling up under all my blankets, ordering in a calzone, and drinking fancy beer. The beer is because I have neither vodka nor Earl Grey but I’m happy to order another calzone for anyone who can bring them!
Not leaving for the entire weekend but wait is Earl Grey Vodka a thing or just Earl Grey + Vodka?
I will toast your calzone and fancy beer and see you some scotch and water on my floor in seven layers and cursing the vortex! Stay warm!
Best topics of conversation with someone who’s hard to talk to? Seeing my partner’s friend and his fiancee tomorrow. She’s nice, but doesn’t ask questions back. Last week I asked her about her job, coworkers, upcoming wedding, and the people we know in common. She tends to answer at length and then turn away from me to focus on her fiance. Which is OK; they’re obviously at a very happy/affectionate moment in their relationship. But I’m trying to find a way to keep the conversation going.
The dudes have planned another evening hang-out already, and I’m weary just thinking about it. What else: Oscar movies? Winter Olympics? Best places in their neighborhood? Local news? Or is there a polite way to encourage the guys to hang out on their own?
Ahhhh I’m sorry to be this person but people like that irritate me. Is there really any way to keep the conversation going?? It sounds like you’re doing a great job; if she doesn’t want to respond in kind I don’t know what to suggest you do.
Actually I’m in a similar situation with an acquaintance I see once in awhile; I’ve given up on trying to chat so I’m also welcome to suggestions from more extroverted toasties than I.
Normally when I’m at the point you’re at, I just resolve to shoehorn in random stories about my life. It’s a little weird at first but sometimes you’re lucky and the other person responds in kind and it sounds like you’re having a real conversation!
I think all of those are good ideas. When I’m working hard to keep a conversation going, I keep going on the same thread for as long as possible (like, “do you craft?” “what do you like to knit?” “what’s the first thing you ever knit?” “what do you like about knitting?” “oh yeah, did your gran teach you any other cool crafting things?”). It sounds masochistic now that I think about it.
My fallback is always “So I’m thinking of getting out of town but I haven’t decided where to go! Tell me about your favorite places to visit!” This can be scaled up or down for World Travels or Nearby Weekend Daytrip or whatever. People seem to really love talking about it, you may get some genuinely good ideas out of the conversation, and it can branch off into all sorts of interesting side topics.
Is it weird that like half the reason I’m powering through Battlestar Galactica as fast as I am is so I can flail in the comments when its Femslash Friday post goes up (which, if the state of the poll is any indication, will be sooner rather than later) without worrying about spoilers?
Wait, never mind, that’s not weird at all.
Nope, not at all.
I may or may not have written my undergraduate thesis on Battlestar Galactica. Which is not strictly related to femslash, but is related to a deep and not at all weird investment in that show.
Ooh, what were your conclusions? I just started the fourth season, so if it’s inherently spoilery, never mind, but I am totally that person who is fascinated by other people’s academic research interests.
I was basically using season 1 (& maybe season 2 I forget) to explore social/psychological theories of how we decide who is “us” and who is “not us” – like, who calls the Cylons “it” vs. “him/her,” who sees them as just completely unlike us vs. an enemy like us vs. not an enemy, that kind of thing.
SO GUYS JOB SITUATION
I am in touch with an awesome recruiter guy who is attempting to get me a marketing job at a not-for-profit LGBTQ media company and I would love it so so much because they do great charitable work and I really need to work for a place whose mandates I support and I’d be so proud to use marketing for good
I don’t know if I’ll get the position because it seems a little senior but I’m hoping that if I make a good enough impression I can inquire about any junior positions
DO IT! DO IT! At the very worst, you interview and tell them to keep you in mind for future positions. Good luck!!!
Is it humanly possible to meet someone sans internet dating, anymore? I live in a medium sized city and actually go out and do things from time to time, but am finding it impossible to meet anyone that isn’t already in a deeply committed relationship.
Basically, tell me how you met your significant other that did not involve internet dating! I want to have faith that I will meet my soulmate in a cute way.
I met at work! Depending on the office environment, that can be a very good way. 🙂
I met mine at work, too. *fistbump*
Work is so great. I think of it as the adult equivalent of meeting in school. You get to know each other before the topic of romance ever comes up, and it seems very natural.
Meeting at work is so great! I started working as a grad assistant at my university in September and was so sure I was going to meet a ton of new awesome people to hang out with. But every single person in my office is married or has kids. It is such a bummer. I am part of the recruiting team for our new GAs so hopefully I can coerce some of them into at least attending a happy hour now and then.
I also met at work, same building / different bosses. Although it was technically at a “young professionals in this building lunch” followed by a community service event and solidified at holiday parties.
A young professionals lunch sounds like such a fun thing! My work is so slack on providing us opportunities to socialize and meet people outside of our department.
Mine is the merchandise seller for a band I go to see a lot, we met at a gig, unsurprisingly!
Oh man, that is seriously cute.
He has absolutely no memory of the first time we met, despite us spending all evening chatting and an exceedingly zingy goodnight kiss at the end, which prompted me to drive 2 hours the next weekend to another gig to have another shot. He remembers that night and about a month later after a fair old bit of flirting on facebook (sorry, the internet was instrumental) and sexting (we tried actual phone sex but he’s got a really broad Yorkshire accent, I’m from the other end of the country and we spent most of it going ‘what?’ so binned that idea) I drove 300 miles to spend the weekend with him to see if it was going to work. That was 2.5 years ago, we still live at opposite ends of the country but it’s working for the time being.
“we tried actual phone sex but he’s got a really broad Yorkshire accent, I’m from the other end of the country and we spent most of it going ‘what?’ so binned that idea”
A relationship built on this sort of experience has a very good chance of making it to Happily Ever After.
I met mine at a blues dance workshop weekend; we bonded over a mutual love of the Pogues.
Yes! Such cuteness!
This may not be your style, but I quite literally ran into mine outside of a bar, took him home and kept him. I rarely go out anymore, but was up at a one of my favorite dives to support a friend’s comedy show. When I went to leave, I bumped into him, found him interesting and started talking. For hours. Intelligent conversation, not “oh, wow, we both like food and music! kismet!”. Impulsive? Yes. Worth it? Yes. Everyone has a different style, different things they are comfortable with. Figure out what you’re comfortable with, and work with it.
Nothing online has every panned out for me past a couple of dates. Not too much horrible, but not interesting.
The “took him home and kept him” part made me think of you gently setting him down on a shelf or something.
Funny. I imagined her chaining him to the radiator.
*smile*
I met my husband through a person, but I admit that I only met him and got together with him because I was newly in a place.
I have met people in bars and shows, but you have to actually talk to a people if you are out, and I generally find talking to strangers to be horrible (also my track record with people I met in bars and shows is dismal).
Between myself and some of my friends, it is:
Grad school, high school, World of Warcraft, undergrad, rehab, and “his sister was at a bar the day before her wedding, saw a cute girl and said ‘My brother doesn’t have a date for my wedding, you should totally come to my wedding!'”
My spouse and I met by playing in a band together.
It was a terrible, terrible band (“post-rock,” varying membership of 8-9 people, lead singer never brought a mic to practice so we didn’t realize until the first show that his singing Needed Improvement.)
We played one show and then (the band) broke up! Loudly and with many dramatic arguments!
I played electric cello.
I met my significant other through a friend / a mildly odd sporting activity
Soulmate? I don’t know about soulmate, but I have met people who were fun dates and didn’t work out for some normal and some dumb reasons (and this is before-between internet-and all after I was 25):
-Standing by a fence at Critical Mass (bike riding! it happens a lot!)
-Going dancing by myself at soul night
-Meeting through a friend at her newspaper cocktail party
I think lots of it is just sort of making conversation and trying to follow through if you want to. As to meeting people while dancing, try going alone! I mean, be safe (I was sort of stupid about it and luckily he was sweet, although not my type) but it is really liberating. I do it all the time when I’m NOT on the prowl.
I married a roommate’s coworker.
ughhhhh my roommate just moved across the country for a job and he is being such a baby about the whole subletter process. Tell me I’m not being unreasonable. He wants the subletter to pay me and roommate #2 directly, and for one of us to pay 2/3 rent with subletter’s money, basically. We think this is a huge red flag to the management company indicating that we have a subletter. Now he is saying he won’t mail us the checks each month until the subletter pays him. Our position is sorry bro, but that is not how this works. Regardless of if subletter pays roommate, he has an obligation to us. WHY CAN’T HE SEE THIS??
You are not being unreasonable! Your roommate is the one on the lease; it is your roommate’s job to deal with his share of the rent.
thanks for the validation. the gaslighting ughhh
Yeah, do not let his problem become your problem. He may think it’s reasonably, but he (presumably) signed a lease or made an agreement, and that was for a reason. This is the reason.
He definitely has to pay, whether or not the subletter pays him. (Which they should. A good subletter makes this a non-issue, obviously.)
He doesn’t live there anymore. He should only get involved if it turns out that the rest of you are not paying the rent correctly.
Oh I hadn’t thought about that. If he’s moving out permanently, I understand him wishing to find someone to pay you guys directly and then be done with it. If he’s trying to hold onto his spot in the apartment, it makes sense for him to be involved in the finances. Legally, of course, if his name is on the lease then he is responsible.
his name is on the lease, and he has an additonal contract with roommate #2’s parents re the guarantorship. Our point is that even though he may no longer live there, he still has to honor the commitments that he made, verbally and in writing.
I have to say, this seems more complicated than it’s ever been for me when I’ve subletted, which I’ve done three times now. Usually I’d just put my check in with those of the people on the lease and management didn’t said anything. Is your management very strict?
Oh, actually in one situation we all transferred money to one roommate’s account and she would write a check for the full rent amount. I don’t think that sets off any red flags… usually management is just happy to get the rent on time. It’s really easy to do a transfer with online banking.
it’s specifically in our lease that we are not supposed to sublet. It’s not like anyone from the managment co. knows us by sight or anything, but roommate #2 and I feel like it would be inviting trouble to change how we pay the rent 8 months into the lease.
If you change to paying it all as one check from one of the original roommates, I don’t think that would raise any red flags. The switching to 1/3 and 2/3 might raise some flags though.
So I have this temporary new employee that got moved into my department to help with a specific project. It’s all super convoluted and caused major workplace drama and we have terrible management, but my project needs some help, so okay. The only other help I get is from volunteers or interns, so I will take this help. But it suuuuuuuucks being someone’s boss, but not really being a boss. And he suuuuuuucks and I would never have picked him for this job and he doesn’t really care and it’s awkward because his wife works here too. But he’s also fine? Like, he does the work, but he has a weird attitude and doesn’t communicate well at all. And basically I’ve been stressing about this and not sleeping and having nightmares and it is ruining 2014 for me. And it will be over in April, but it’s only been 3 weeks and I’m already miserable. I don’t know how I will make it through!
On the plus side I have a bunch of supportive coworkers and family members who are helping me through this. And it is a great learning experience. But…I am not enjoying this process.
You need to have a sit down with this guy before it blows up. Maybe a conversation with your supervisor first, and you can decide whether you want them there as a witness with the temp guy. If it’s disrupting business, that’s a problem. The feelings drama will make it harder, but it can be done. Best of luck with this.
Work situations with unclear boundaries around who’s in charge of whom are the absolute WORST. Hopefully your supervisor can clarify?
Ah, I feel like this came off way worse than I intended! I have already talked it out with this guy to the best of my ability and my supervisor knows what’s up. It’s just a matter of waiting it out now. The head of our institution just left after a 40 year tenure and we don’t have a replacement yet so everything is kind of out of wack now. It’s actually much better than it was though!
I’m just particularly sensitive to…I guess, everything. I just needed to vent.
Toasties! My people! I love you all, I just wanted to start with that. I’m currently in a self-preservationist funk in which a lot of things are stressing me out and so I’ve gone into numbness mode and stopped caring about 98% of everything I typically care about just to keep from overloading myself. I’m within a week of closing on a house, which is tons of stress just because BIG LIFE EVENT AAHH, and then I’m also having some health issues (nothing super serious as far as I can tell but still enough to worry me) and etc. etc.
ANYWAY I have to go to this party tonight which I cannot get out of without making a big honking deal out of something that I REALLY don’t want to be the one to make a big deal out of it about, but the damn thing is being hosted by the husband’s long-ago ex-fling who pretends I’m invisible and talks shallow appearance-based shit about me in Spanish because she thinks I can’t understand her. I usually just smile and play nice but I just don’t have it in me to do that this time around, but I also don’t want to cause a thing, so I’m kind of… hoping I come down with a violent stomach flu or something, I don’t even know. Argh. Why. Why is this my evening. I will need so much wine.
Play it cool all night and then on your way out, loudly make a rude comment in Spanish?
That sounds…really awful.
What would be the repercussions if you *didn’t* smile and play nice? Would you or your husband lose a job? Or something equally bad? Because if you’re only playing nice to avoid making other people uncomfortable, SCREW A BUNCH OF THAT. Go be fierce and defiant with your wine, bb. FIERCE.
She’s my husband’s best friend’s wife’s twin sister and she’s hugely immature, so the repercussions would be her making any and all social outings from here to whenever-she-got-over-it a giant dramatic shitfest that no one wants to deal with. This has been going on as long as I’ve been with my husband and everyone in the group already knows about it (and understands why I dislike her) but the consensus basically has been “just ignore her right back or she’ll firebomb the whole thing.” Basically she’s being a giant emotional terrorist to the whole social group but because she’s blood related and SUPER close to someone in the heart of it, no one feels comfortable kicking her out or disinviting her.
So, wine. I mean, I put my foot down and didn’t invite her to our wedding last fall, so she knows where I stand. I don’t need it to be an every-single-time-we-have-to-share-a-space situation.
uuuuuuugggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh
That stinks.
oh, ugh.
but, if you don’t want to go — why not just “have a headache”?
time-honored polite solution. 🙂
I’ve tapped out the last two times, I’m basically going this time because husband asked me nicely.
… get a migraine mid-party and have to cab home alone?
Wow, that not-a-solution says a lot about me, doesn’t it?
Set her on fire.
I’ve considered it…
Also I am totally late to the party but UNICORN COOKBOOK.
http://britishlibrary.typepad.co.uk/digitisedmanu…
I am in for the meetup! Either night works for me! Hoorah!
Last week I went to a meetup of a group of beer-drinking ladies that I read about in a local paper, and it was so nice and fun. They have monthly events and in February they are having a beer-burlesque-chocolate night, which sounds like all of the best things.
Between this, and going to the Toast meetup, I feel so proud of myself for putting myself out there! Hurray for being bold-ish!
North Carolina Toasties!
Myself and fellow toastie kickingthecrap are organizing a Triangle-area meetup in early February. I’m not sure how many of us are out there, but if you are anywhere near Durham and want to have a drink and talk to some people about Femslash Fridays, you should definitely come.
Details: Thursday, February 6, 7 pm, at the Fed in Durham.
I just made a lil form you can fill out if you’re interested in coming; that way you don’t have to put your email address Live On The Internet and I can still send a message to the group. (Which may just be like 3 people? WE WILL SEE). Here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1htsPSLOcDkTrmBdP…
baking toasties! I got a bunch of new flours for christmas this year, but I have no idea what to make with them. does anyone have any good recipes that use quinoa flour, amaranth flour, or sweet rice flour?
Rice flour makes excellent pancakes – they come out a little crispier than regular pancakes and they’re my favourite had-a-shitty day dinner.
I think I know what I’m making this weekend… thanks!
with sweet rice flour, you could make a version of millet pudding maybe?
or mochi? http://www.yummly.com/recipes/mochiko-sweet-rice-…
oh no, just created a hunger in myself for sweet rice flour now!
I can’t believe I forgot about mochi! will definitely have to try my hand at making some soon. 🙂 thanks!
oooo, and rice flour pudding…
This wk I finally MASTERED french press coffee and it IS better! Any Toasties know of a good at-home way to steam milk? Is it literally just put a pot on the stove or is there technique / equipment involved? Im basically aiming to be completely self sufficient for all my fancy needs.
NOTE: Warming milk with Cardamon will really take your coffee over the top! I felt like a wizard when I tried this and it worked.
I love cardamom with coffee, too! I break a few pods of whole cardamom and throw them in with the coffee grounds and then brew it. For steamed milk, this ask metafilter thread might be helpful…
Now that is VERY fancy. Where do you even find whole Cardamon? Whole Foods? Indie Farmers Markets? Vacations to India???
Yes, definitely Whole Foods! I think that’s where I got mine. 🙂
If you have any sort of Asian or Latino national-specific markets in your area, try there. (It’s also likely to be cheaper and fresher than Whole Foods.)
The secret is to start enjoying black coffee.
I want to but I’m not STRONG ENOUGH
I use a little pot, and measure my milk into it. I beat it with a whisk, and only let it boil over/scald like half the time 🙁 I always drink it though
I have a milk frother which is fabulous, simple, highly recommended. Sort of a vibrating stick that you can stick into a pot or mug of milk. My first one cost $2 at IKEA, but if you can’t get to IKEA, there are nice ones on Amazon etc that cost a little more ($14?) but are probably higher quality. You can warm the milk on the stove, or be lazy/fast like me and just heat some milk in my mug in the microwave, then froth until nice and stiff and foamy, and pour in coffee in a little sinkhole.
Cardamom is a great idea! Still have some left over from my last trip to the delightful cheap-o Indian grocery that also carries whole nutmegs and basmati rice in bulk, and mango pickles…
After a few months of deluding myself I’ve decided that I can’t go on without internet in my apartment. I’ve always lived with roommates in the past so I’ve always split the bill/ left the installation up to someone else. Two questions:
1) Is it reasonable to post something in my building asking if a neighbor will let me share their wifi? Like is that a thing people are actually amenable to?
2) If I do have to get my own internet, what’s an easy and/or creative way to hide all the wires and blinking lights? I live in an efficiency and don’t have a lot of space to hide things, but I don’t want to look at that shit all day.
You can get USB drives that work as wifi devices. I don’t know how (someone more tech minded than me!! help!!) but I know people who’ve used them and thought they worked well. Google gave me this: http://www.plugthingsin.com/internet/guide/usb/ but that’s where my knowledge ends.
I had to use those when I lived in Ghana! I have no idea how they work and didn’t know they existed in North America. so, not helpful, but if it worked great there I’m sure it works here?
My supervisor (who I love) told me that my contract for my job might get extended and she highly encouraged me to negotiate because she thinks I can get more ___ (money/contract length of my choice/whatever). This was the coolest thing and she made me feel so happy about women mentoring women and looking out for other people and gave me a lot of good sisterhood kumbayah feelings. However… I DON’T KNOW HOW TO NEGOTIATE! This is my first “real” job. Any tips or advice??? I don’t know how long I’d want to stay on but a raise would be sweet (however this is another issue I guess, if I’m like, yeah, I don’t want to stick around for too much longer but more money please…that seems tacky).
Congratulations! So negotiation is something I could talk about all day (feel free to ask tons of questions!) but in general terms the best thing you can do is prepare a lot. Set aside a couple of hours and make a list of all the ways you’ve brought value to your employers in the time you’ve been there. Quantify wherever possible. If you’re stuck, I bet your supervisor would help you with this part. Then think about what you want. Why do you think you might move on? Is there something they could offer you that would definitely get you to stay? When you come in to the actual meeting that you’ve set up to talk about your contract, ask for a little more (or a lot more, depending on your relationship with the people you’re negotiating with) than your (reasonable) wildest dreams and back it up with all the value-generating evidence you gathered. It’s actually better if you can get them to name the first number, but don’t worry about it if that’s not possible. If they don’t immediately give you your first offer, use silence to your advantage. It’s amazing how many people will revise their earlier offers if you just sit silently and look concerned at them. Good luck!
Aww Love in the Time of Misandry!
I’ve been feeling very insecure professionally and the bf just called to assure me that one day I’ll be his Sugar Mama and he’ll be my… “recipient of sugar?” And plans to spend his days watching bass fishing on TV while I bring home those Dolla Dolla Bills. Anyway that made me SO HAPPY I feel like you lot would approve.
hahaha, Mr. Noodge says the same thing. He wants to rassle our kids and make me delicious meals while I’m out being a bad ass and making a career. MISANDRY ROCKS!
My husband works from home, but I earn substantially more than him (god, that sounds assholey, but true). The best part about it is how he makes us dinner every night. It is possible to Live the Dream!
This conversation happens SO OFTEN in my household. I’m in grad school and therefore broke, and my boyfriend’s day job pays significantly more than mine. However, he eventually wants to work in the arts full-time, and he keeps reassuring me that when that time comes, I’ll get to be the primary breadwinner and it will all be fair.
He’ll be your Sugar Baby. You go, girl!
Hahaha my boyfriend and I’s life plan involves him staying home to look after the dog, work out, and make me dinner while I lawyer and make the money. We’re both very excited.
I am IN for a Toronto Meet up!!! I vote for the Friday, please, if votes are being taken!
This might be too late but my last post really bummed me out soooo…let’s talk about nail polish! Why am I just now learning about jelly sandwiches!? Where have they been my whole life? But how do I find jelly nail polish? If I can’t just find something on amazon I am basically helpless.
And what are the best glitter nail polishes out there? I love me some glitter! I once splurged on a deborah lippman polish that looks like a mermaid’s tail, in my head anyway.
WHAT are jelly sandwiches? I love real jelly sandwiches and I love nail polish so I can only imagine this is something great.
Jelly sandwiches are just jelly nail polish layers (so kinda sheer and squishy) with glitter layered between them so the glitter looks like it’s suspended in jelly. And I guess you can do layers upon layers and do infinite combinations.
Pinterest to the rescue!
Walgreens has a cheapo brand called Milani that has the glitteriest polish in basically every color. Both in a fine glitter and a chunky, sequin-y type. Glitter polish tends to stick really well no matter what the brand so buying something cheap doesn’t matter much. The downside is that it seems to dry out in the bottle faster than other brands I’ve used.
Zoya has great jelly polishes. They have great EVERYTHING polishes. I love them. And if you register on the website, they send you occasional BOGOs and other offers. http://www.zoya.com/
Seconding the Zoya love.
There’s a cheap brand called Sinful Colors that has some good glitter polishes–they go on kind of sheer so you have to do a few coats if you’re using them without a base, but they’re not bad. I like the shade “Frenzy,” which is a blend of purple and blue.
I love glitter polishes until it’s time to take it off and then I am scrubbing my nails for about a year to get it off. This week I’ve had my hair done and painted my nails to match – turquoise base and purple crackle over the top. I’m also loveing magnetic nail polish.
Easier way! cotton balls and foil. Take just enough of the cotton ball to cover your nail, douse it in removerlay on nail, wrap fingertip in foil, wait 5-10 minutes. Much less scrubbing.
I recall last week or two weeks ago another Toastie was asking if there was anyone else living in Reno. *waves*
My roommate is moving away in over a month and it would be nice to have a social life that isn’t co-workers. Unless you happen to be one, then that’s cool.
That was me!
Hello fellow Reno person!
We can have a Toast meetup of two!
I live in the North Valleys, and work kinda near Meadowwood. If you see a fat woman with bright-ass-pink shoulder length hair running around in either of those areas, and sometimes in Sparks, come say hey!
MAKE BLINI!!!! They're basically crepes, and you can look up what is traditionally eaten with them (caviar might be one thing) but they are A+ with sour cream and jam (raspberry jam is awesome)! Or sour cream and anything. Or just sour cream- just have that around.
seconding lemonadefish, borscht is delicious. You can make it vegetarian pretty easily too! The only thing to keep in mind is to cut the sweetness of the beets with as much lemon juice/vinegar as needed, to taste. Also slap some sour cream on that and it is even better. SO RUSSIAN*
my Russian friend makes a beet salad whenever he has to bring anything Russian to a gathering- shredded cooked beets, mayo, garlic, walnuts, salt/pepper. It's pretty tasty.
*= I am not actually Russian, I've only spent some time there, and my main takeaway on Russian cuisine was SOUR CREAM ON EVERYTHING POSSIBLE so I may be projecting.
The secret is to start enjoying black coffee.
I was all set to work up the courage to come to the Toronto meetup! but sadly/not sadly I will be out of the country, biking through Cuba. So even though I am disappointed to miss the meet up, GUYS I’LL BE CYCLE TOURING IN CUBA AND I AM SO EXCITED.
That is all, I just really wanted to share my excitement!
Good news! I don’t have bed bugs!
GREAT NEWS!!!
Also Toasties, I feel this is a safe space to talk about this, so here goes. 360 days out of the year, I am 100% totally fine with being the way I am, in whatever way I am currently finding myself. Few pounds up, few pounds down, whatever. I’m typically chill just being me and doing what I do to get by in this world. The other 5 days a year, though? It’s like there’s this part of my brain that just cannot shake the feeling of having people look at me and judging me on my body type and my appearance, and it is all I can do to not lock myself in a bathroom stall at work and just have a big cry about it when I think I’m going to have to be in a place where I’m “the big one,” like if you go shopping in normal stores with a friend who fits into normal-stores clothings, or if you go to a party where just by pure chance you’re the only one who doesn’t look like she fell out of an AE commercial.
For me I get frustrated not only because of those feelings but also because I feel bad about feeling bad about it, you know? Like there’s this entire part of me that is going, “You’re better than this! You’re usually happy being where you are! What are you doing today? Why are you even giving in to this part of your head!?” so it’s not just that I’ve got part A having these insecure comparing-self-to-others issues, I’ve also got part B yelling at the rest of me for listening to part A.
How do you guys deal with this kind of stuff? DO you guys even deal with this kind of stuff?
Man, having a body is just hard some of the time.
Yes, I deal with this a lot, especially when I’m shopping, like you mentioned. The way I deal with it is usually to remind myself that it’s impossible for me to feel good about me 100% of the time, 365 days a year. As long as it’s not something I’m starving myself over or that’s consuming my every waking thought, I think it’s okay to feel that way sometimes. Negative thoughts are a normal part of being a human person, including negative thoughts about your body. It happens to the best of us, even when we’re normally fine with ourselves.
My advice would be to acknowledge the feelings and recognize that they will pass when you’re done shopping/home from the party/away from judgmental eyes. Remind yourself that you are better than these feelings, but don’t beat yourself up for not being body confident every moment of every day of every year. If you’re spending 360 days a year being happy with your body, you’re already doing way better than most of us.
(Us being the female population in general, not just us Toasties.)
I definitely feel you – I’m generally fine with how I am, but I just keep getting bigger (I don’t like to think of it in terms of weight because weight isn’t relevant to anything but, like, elevator tolerances) and I cannot afford to buy a new wardrobe every year. And just recently (like, past couple of weeks) I’ve been feeling really sluggish and big and not liking what I see in the mirror. I’m mostly just reminding myself that it’s fine to feel different ways different times, so I’m not a bad feminist or a fat-hating person, but ugh.
Also, I get off work an hour later than I used to, and working out just takes SO MUCH TIME. Now that Mr. Fringehead has a job again, maybe I’ll try something like Nerd Fitness they were talking about upthread, to make it more fun and less of a chore.
(Also, I think you and I have had this conversation before, but: skinny friends who don’t get it are THE WORST. Having a hard time finding camis that are long enough for your torso is NOT THE SAME as walking by entire departments or indeed entire stores because you know there’s no point trying to find something to fit you, and acting like it is is not the empathetic gesture you’re trying to make.)
This is super small, but unless shopping is a big part of your relationship with certain people, maybe stop shopping with people? When I think about it, I haven’t shopped with anyone in ages (at least for clothing) and I’ve actually pretty much cut out all in-store clothes shopping. I’ll order stuff online, and then I can pace trying shit on accordingly.
This. Very very rarely will I shop with others. Very very very rarely, I will let anyone see something that I am about to buy before I buy it. Only the Nordstrom clerks are allowed to see me in things before I have purchased them. (That may make me sound like a fancy lady but I am not, and I assure you the Nordstrom clerks are helpful without being pushy and they will tell you the truth, at least in Seattle, and that has made all the difference on many occasions.)
The Nordstrom ladies are super helpful and honest in my experience! I got a nice pair of jeans and a sweater for when I had to go on a work trip to Ireland and was frightened that I would look wrong on account of not having dressy enough clothes. And she was like “How about these?” pointing at some skinny jeans and I was all O_O nope, because I have some body image issues and have never liked how I look in skinny jeans. And she told me I could totally rock them if I wanted to, but since I didn’t want them she pointed me toward some boot cut jeans. She was so NICE.
Seconded. I used to shop all the time with my mom, and the body image issues between us could fill a series of books, so naturally I though “well, I just hate shopping”. Then I went shopping with my sisters-in-law, and with friends, and it was an entirely different experience. It was actually FUN. I can talk about and try on cute clothing without feeling ashamed/defiant about not having a flat stomach, it’s GREAT.
Agreed! Finding the right shopping buddies (or being okay with shopping by yourself) is life changing. When I was in high school, I used to hate shopping with my friends because they always went to places where nothing would fit me, so I’d just sort of wander the mall with them. I never wanted to ask them to go to “my” stores, because I knew none of them would find anything to try on there, and also I was embarrassed about wearing plus size clothes, because it was high school. I didn’t want to admit that I shopped at stores that sold size 20.
But I’ll never forget one time in high school when I was shopping with my best friend and she realized that I wasn’t buying anything or even trying anything on. She asked if there was somewhere I wanted to go, and I mumbled something about Lane Bryant, but said she there wouldn’t be anything there for her. She shrugged and said, “So we’ll find something for you! Let’s go!” It was so freeing to know that there was someone I could shop with without feeling judged for my body, and she would go with me to places where I could find clothes without being weird about it.
(And now I’m crying because this girl is still my best friend 13 years later and she getting married in two days and her bachelorette party is tonight and I just love her so much.)
TEARS. That is a good friend.
ahhh, there’s something in my eye. :’)
OMG YOUR FRIEND IS THE BEST FRIEND. Man, I got all misty just reading that. That is amazing.
Oh, and last night I put a guy in his place for a rude female body comment. He’s going into boot camp for the Navy soon and was taking about how they’ll shave his head. Someone asked if the women recruits get their heads shaved too, and he said, “What, no! That’d be disgusting!” Then he kept talking about something else. I stopped him and said, “Wait, why would it be disgusting if a woman shaved her head?” He stuttered for a few seconds and then mumbled, “I dunno… I didn’t mean it like that.” Point: misandry.
It really truly only just occurred to me that today is Friday. Literally, the existence of the Open Thread told me it is Friday, and even then I was like, “Surely the Bartender has gotten the day wrong.”
In other news, I had my second date ever with a lady, which was my first date with this lady. Is it a bad sign that she seemed to not return my hug at the end? I cannot tell what are signals with women, yet. Should I not have hugged her?
Please help. I am very confused.
Literally every night this week I have gotten home and thought it was Monday evening. It’s been extremely confusing.
I thought it was Thursday for the last 3 days. Grah.
Straight up kept thinking yesterday was Friday or Wednesday.
As someone who is not super into hugging and also has been a lady date, I think I’d need some more feedback. Does she strike you as affectionate? Is her type to be more of the take the lead type? I tend to be weird about hugs on things like dates or around fucking relationships because hugging isn’t something I’m very into. Also, I’m sure I don’t hug strong with people I don’t know too well, no offense. More like a brief in, out, kiss on cheek, see you.
Wow. That was super terrible advice! But, you know, trust your gut. She just might want to show affection in different ways or she just might not be feeling it yet (or ever? Hm! Have you followed up?)
I honestly fear following up because she was so cool and awesome and I just felt like a weirdo poser who hugged her when she didn’t want to be hugged.
AHHHHH!
Follow up! Text dat shit! And next time you see her, keep an eye out, or just ask, hey, sorry, I’m just a hugger and if that’s not you’re thing, I get it. God I wish more people said that to me. Instant crushes on them I think.
Update from Monday: I wrote the thing! I have a cover letter and I applied for my first real, full-time job and maybe everything will be okay? (Odds are no.)
And thus I bid a fond farewell to this long, exhausting, emotionally constipating week. Away!
thank you for the term “emotionally constipating.”
Do you have any good references or guides for writing cover letters?
yes-ish? I’m looking at library jobs, so I’ve found Open Cover Letters at least comforting–supposedly they all got hired!
But pretty much everything I have is job-specific. Wish I could be more helpful! Probably you’ve already done this, but have you looked at your university’s/alma mater’s career site? Or a different university’s site if yours is shit (like my undergrad’s)?
Good luck and godspeed!
AskAManager.org is awesome. I think all her cover letter posts have a tag, and the site’s pretty searchable too.
The weather here is so bad that there was a 15-car and later a 40-car pileup on the highway I take home from work. GLEE. Oh god I am afraid of going home! But I have to go to the bookstore quickly and then home and ughghgh it’s going to be scary and awful, I just know it. 🙁 I’m not afraid of driving in snow, but if it’s bad enough that 60+ Canadians smashed up their cars in it, IT’S PROBABLY PRETTY BAD.
So cold here that one morning this week, as I was leaving for work, I discovered that my tires were frozen to the driveway.
Winter tires. FROZEN TO THE DRIVEWAY.
Imagine a band aid being ripped off.
This was a week of writing parody songs. Couldn’t say why, just was! http://stretchherwings.tumblr.com/
I am, however, open to requests.
My work’s holiday-season party is tomorrow & I’m wearing a sleeveless dress – preparing for some concern-trolling re: new tattoo*
Concern trolls: “I just don’t think there’s anything I’d want to look at when I’m 80”
Me: “If saggy tattoos are my biggest worry when I’m 80, I think I’ll be doing pretty well!” [smile, change subject]
or, if they’re persistent: “I didn’t want to have nothing to look at when I’m 80 but boring blank skin, you know?”
*note: everyone should have exactly the number of tattoos they want, even/especially if that number is zero. Commenting on them is not necessarily concern trolling, but there are people who will be at this event who will do so, which might ruin the event for me except I care about what they think literally negative one million percent.
I tend to go with ‘well, it’s a good job you haven’t got any then, isn’t it. I am totally looking forward to seeing my amazing unique custom art every single day until I’m 80’. (And then I always have to fightt he urge to thumb my nose and cross my eyes and stick my tongue out at them because sometimes I am a 6 year old in a 36 year old’s fairly heavily tattooed body.)
Mine are on my shoulder blades, and one on my outer thigh. And I’m a horrible person sometimes, so my comeback would be something insinuating that if they’re going to be looking at my shoulders when I’m 80, please take note to pull my hair while they’re back there.
Depending on the audience of course. If I must be appropriate, it’s a tightlipped smile, followed by walking away.
Like, what do they think I’m going to be wearing when I’m 80? If I do end up being one of those 80-year-old women who wears tank tops & whatever other skimpy things, do they honestly think I’ll give a shit about what other people think about how my arms/other tattooed parts look?
It’s going to sag and wrinkle either way, might as well sag and be colorful!
Toronto meetup! So here is the thing – i read this website constantly but never really comment (but read the comments) mostly because I can never remember a username/password and my computer at work is programmed not to remember things like that.
So….will it be all weird if I came to the meetup? Would you all throw stones at me?Haaaaalp
That’s almost everyone who comes!
Aweeesome. Let me know if you need place recommendations. Ive lived here forever, except for when I lived in Kingston
Toasties! I’m finally participating in an open thread, but sadly I have nothing happy to share.
Monday was the holiday party for my work. I was all set to go because a) I never went to any of the previous parties for my last job and so never really bonded with any of my coworkers, b) I work in a “satellite” store (it’s a kiosk in a food court) by myself 40 hours a week and don’t talk to anyone except customers and occasionally my boss and I want to get to know some of the other folks in case I ever get transferred to another store, and c) my wife had been out of town for a week, and I was so crushingly lonely. It’s not the kind of thing I normally do, but I’m in a new city, so why not try a new take on life.
I had felt it building up all day and by the time my panic attack truly started, I was standing on the dark sidewalk outside the arcade where we were all meeting. I texted my boss, told him a family emergency had come up, and hopped on the bus home where I made macaroni and cheese and watched a movie (my ideal evening, in the end).
Those of with anxiety problems: how do you cope? Do you accept that people aren’t for you, and stick to your safety zones? Do you power through? I honestly would be fine with never interacting with people more than absolutely necessary, but I can acknowledge that some day in the future I may have a job that requires some level of socialization.
The temptation to hold off until that time is great.
I go about 50/50 on the accept-and-avoid and power-through strategies. When someone’s counting on me or when rational examination (not gut feeling! gut feeling usually tells me to stay home in PJs!) tells me I’ll have a good and/or productive time, I power through and just make myself go. I cannot think of even a single occasion when I regretted doing so*.
When no one’s counting on me, either socially or professionally, and rational consideration suggests that I might not have a good time – if, for example, the location is unpleasant for me – I feel fine blowing it off and saving my social energy for another time.
*Wait! I thought of one! But it was A. during a big snowstorm when B. I was having back pain and C. I had to walk a mile to meet some people I love but who are flaky/overbooked, so they showed up 90 minutes later, by which time I’d already trudged already home again.
So, y’know, kind of ideal: I felt good about making the effort, they learned that I won’t hang around indefinitely, and – most importantly – I got to spend the night in PJs eating mac & cheese with a heating pad on my back.
Thanks Elsa! I definitely feel like laying off the gut reaction to go home is a good starting point. It’s really easy to convince myself that my gut feeling is ALWAYS right, when obviously I’m not in the most rational state of mind to start with.
*sigh*
I’ve never tried to power through anything once I got to panic attack level, but otherwise, yeah, I power through. It gets easier the more you do it. I do always think that new people won’t like me, and I get really anxious when I have to drive to new places or figure out public transit in unfamiliar cities. But since socialization is not always optional, I force it. If people are generally friendly and pleasant and do not appear to be thinking “what the fuck is wrong with this chick?” I usually calm down completely within half an hour.
One thing that helps a lot for me is setting an end time right away. I tell myself that I have to stick it out for an hour, or two hours, and then I can leave. Sometimes I will stay longer! But mostly I just tell myself that I have already survived an hour or more of all kinds of terrible things, so I will survive one hour at a friendly social occasion.
Another thing that helps is the knowledge that everyone loves a good listener. If you’re worried about saying something awkward, you can get away with a lot of listening and nodding and laughing. You seem to still be engaged in the conversation, but you don’t have to talk much. Just ask the occasional question, maybe tell a story you’ve told several times before so you feel comfortable talking, and most people won’t even notice that you’re mostly being quiet. I don’t know how many times my fiancee has told me that her coworkers really liked me and I’ve gone “wait, did I talk? What did I say that made them like me?”.
I find it hard to tell the difference between “I do not want to go do this social thing because I honestly believe I will not enjoy it” and “I do not want to go to this social thing because I am scared of it” a fair amount. My strategies for getting around this include:
1. Always have an exit plan. I am 90% more likely to reject social invitations if they involve me relying on someone else’s schedule for a ride home, or have some other barrier to me just walking out whenever I want to. Telling myself that if I don’t enjoy whatever I’m doing, I can just leave, and everything will be okay, and I will have tried, go me is my #1 social anxiety coping strategy. I can also set totally arbitrary concrete exit times (“I have to go by ten”) so I know exactly when I’ll be leaving. It’s another way of feeling in control of the situation, which helps me relax.
2. Make myself go to things or see people even when I don’t want to–not all of the time, but some of the time. If I was only social when I was 100% in the mood, it would be impossible to have friends, and friends are worth occasionally hanging out at parties I don’t 100% enjoy. BONDING: it doesn’t always have to be fun to be worthwhile.
3. Let myself not go to things I know I won’t like. For me, “I don’t want to” and “I won’t like this” are two different things, since the first one is anticipatory rejection based on no evidence, and the second is well-informed rejection based on past experience. It’s a good way of letting myself learn from past social things, which also helps motivate me to go to the social things in the first place (as per strategy 2).
tl;dr: Promise yourself you can go home five minutes after you get there if you need to, and you probably won’t need to.
Just remember you don’t have to like it. You can sulk around the edges and then leave as others have suggested.
Also, I have grand chats with myself about what kind of food / drinks / party favors / whatever I can have if I go – like, oh, I don’t want to go to this opening by myself, but there will be a really nice cheese plate! I’ll go eat cheese and then leave! And maybe I’ll talk to someone for a minute, or maybe I’ll just get a belly full of cheese.
My boss was being amused by the fact that his wife wanted to get both a new washer and dryer even though they only needed to get one of them, because she wanted them to match. And then he was saying like, I told her, “your sisters don’t even have matching plates!” And how they don’t even have a single matching fork. Like all of their plates are different.
I should add at this point that his wife and her sisters were all illegal immigrants and grew up pretty poor.
So. Classist fucking awkward as shit. (It felt kinda racist at the time too, but I think that’s just because I know they’re Mexican; I mean, he might be racist but not especially so towards Latino people.)
ANYWAY there was nothing to be said to that or the general “haha oh my wife, and her posting pictures of her new appliances on Facebook to compete with her sisters” nonsense of it. I just sat there and worked on my code. Bleh.
🙁 I’m sorry, that sounds weird. As someone who is halfie and has both sides making fun of Latino stereotypes, it can be a weird position to be in. Also I hate to be that guy but as someone who tries to promote better language, I would say some people might get crabby at you for not using “undocumented” immigrant, just FYI!
Oof, good reminder. I should (and do) know better, since it gives the impression of criminality etc when it’s generally only a civil violation. It’s a hard phrase to eradicate from my vocabulary given its prevalence in media, but I’ll work on it.
Oh gosh, I hope this was a good me exercising addressing things as someone who can! (eee using words like ally makes me all itchy). Just that I’ve one) done this before with people who like yes, it is a totally normative term and they don’t know! and 2) done it this way because many people feel shut out around this language or very angry, and you know, I get it. Still, your boss sounds like <headdesk>.
It’s a good reminder to have. 🙂
And yeah, my boss is… interesting. I like him as a boss: he’s super chill and doesn’t stress me out, he thinks I do fine, etc. So far he seems to do a good job of advocating for our team, etc (though it’s only been seven months.) But like, on an interpersonal level, yeah, it’s pretty <headdesk> now and again. Thankfully it’s not all the time.
MY TUTOR LIKES MY DISSERTATION TITLE: MY DISSERTATION IS LITERALLY GOING TO BE ABOUT JAM. JAM. ACTUAL JAM IN JARS. JAM IN JARS IN BOOKS. I could dance. I’m so excited; it’s going to have Alice in Wonderland and Shirley Jackson and feminism and post-colonialism and I AM SO EXCITED.
JAM.
CONGRATULATIONS. I would read that.
OH MY GOD YES PLEASE PLEASE I WANT TO READ THAT. Like, tomorrow.
Like…
… y’know…
JAM TOMORROW.
JAM TOMORROW was my working title for ages. Now it’s just my epigraph, but STILL. Hurrah!
jam??? :O :O amazing.
Jam And Memory In Colonial Literature. Squeeeeeeeeeee!
THAT IS TOO AWESOME. CONGRATULATIONS!
My husband’s family is from a colonial culture, and there’s SO MUCH weird stuff about jam, so this delights me.
Oooh, cool- I’d love to know more! I was so nervous that it would be rejected out of hand for being a silly subject, but they seem to like it!
Can I ask a favour of you cool internet people of The Toast?
I’m looking for a work bag/purse that is on the larger side. Big enough to carry my lunch in. Like a professional-looking tote that I see other professional types carry around. Preferably in a neutral color and simple-looking.
What do you all use for work?
I use an Everlane backpack, which isn’t for everyone, but they have some nice shoulder bags too!
I have a Nine West black tote that I bought at TJ Max for $30-ish- I originally bought it as an interview tote but now I carry it every day because I like it and it’s a nice size- I can stuff my purse and a lunch and some reading and what not in it, and it’s structured so it still looks professional when I cram it full of stuff, but it’s nylon so it’s also not super heavy.
Corporette has been useful to me when I’m trying to figure out professional attire things- it skews rather more formal than my work environment (and some things are crazy $$$s), but usually round ups hit multiple price points, or I can see what I like in the $$$s version and find something similar that doesn’t cost all the money.
I use a messenger bag from Rickshaw Bagworks. It’s super functional and isn’t really out of place anywhere–I can take it to business meetings or to a bar or wherever. (I’m in San Francisco though, maybe professional type people don’t use messenger bags elsewhere?)
I use a LeSportsac nylon tote bag (the Everygirl Bag, iirc). Mine is a crazy pattern (my office is pretty casual), but they also come in more boring/neutral colors.
It seems they are also having a sale this weekend on their website…
SF/BAY AREA TOASTIES: It’s Sketchfest! Does anyone want to go see the “Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction” show with me? I have heard it’s funny, and it seems like it will be up some Toasties’ alleys too. It’s on either Friday or Saturday the 31st/1st: http://sfsketchfest.com/x/performers/competitive-…
Oh my god that sounds nuts. If I were in the area…
Can I send a bat-signal to Mallory? Mallory, do you want to go? I know you would have to leave your witchy cave of solitude, but I bet you could get a good story out of it.
I got to see my fetus partying in my womb today. It was exciting and beautiful and weird. It is a shame that this kind if magic moment also had to happen while my bladder was painfully full, and also that my job gave me shit because the appointment ran over. I haven’t told them I’m pregnant, and once I do, I’ll pretty much get away with murder, but oh my god! Eff them.
How exciting! Congratulations!
Congrats!
I am so excited for the Toronto meetup! Friday is best for me too.
Anywhere in Toronto, I can be there. All other plans can get rescheduled!
(And I will put in a vote for No One Writes to the Colonel or The Central in terms of locations)
I live in Toronto but I am new to The Toast! This event sounds interesting and I am available on both evenings. What happens? Just, people show up, have drinks and talk about stuff like on here? I am down with all of that.
Strip scrabble.
I am drunkenly watching the Pro Bowl. Are there any other Toasties doing this? Come at me, Toasties.
I don't know why but this comment is making me laugh SO HARD
I did love it! I had to pick up Busman's Honeymoon the next day so that the story could continue! I had never read Sayers before, and came to Gaudy Night after a Poirot binge. Christie's work is so action-oriented, and Gaudy Night was so dense and academic (to me) at first that I really had to adjust my expectations for detective fiction. But some of her prose was so beautiful that I was glad I did. The passage that struck me most, and almost made me cry, was when Harriet describes in detail parts of Wimsey's face she had never noticed before, seeing him for the first time as a lover. I wish I could find the text (a google search has not helped), because it really moved me. So, yes, Gaudy Night! A beautiful love story.
I don't remember meeting you either! Yes let's be friends!