Previously in The Toast’s Friend Fiction series: Barack and Hillary — Friendship On the Agenda.
The singer went on a Twitter spree Wednesday morning defending the actor’s latest controversial (and wacky) behavior.
“Re: Shia. Being young and very talented/successful is like dropping in to the top of Mount Everest via helicopter,” Mayer wrote.
“There are moments in life where you need to feel quantum shift, movement. And if where you already are is considered the top…”
He added, “The dumb people disintegrate, and the smart people investigate. That investigation is never comfortable. Or all that pretty.”
But Mayer is one of the few in Hollywood right now to openly support the ‘Nymphomaniac’ star.
John put down his fork. This wasn’t the first Pancake Sunday he’d had to pry a conversation out of Shia — Shia always said, “Listen, you do not want to talk to me before I’ve had my coffee” — but something was different today.
“Something’s different today,” John said.
Shia looked up guiltily from his Lumberjack Slam. “Yeah, you’re wearing a clean shirt today,” he said, but his heart wasn’t in the joke. John still made a notation in their List of Burns – Best Friends Forever Journal, but he wasn’t sure if it was the right call.
“I’m serious, buddy. What’s up?”
“I — no, it’s stupid.”
“What is it?”
“No, it’s really stupid.”
“Shia,” John said quietly. “Have you noticed that almost everything you say about yourself is negative?”
Shia nodded slowly. “I know.”
“That’s not a criticism,” John said. “I just wonder if you’re being gentle with yourself when you need to.”
“If you don’t practice self-care, how can you care for others?”
“It’s hard sometimes.”
“Believe me, I know.”
“It’s hard to believe you’ve ever had trouble being kind to yourself,” Shia said.
John pushed away his Moons Over My Hammy. “Whoa, there, Shy. Just because I’m in a good place right now — don’t be fooled into comparing my outsides to your insides. That’s a mistake that leads to stinking thinking.”
“Sometimes,” Shia said, “sometimes I feel like I’m never going to get my quantum shift.”
John reached across the table and squeezed Shia’s hand, because he was comfortable in his physicality and wasn’t afraid to show his friend that he cared. “Shia. Spirit Brother. I’ve been there. Remember when Room For Squares dropped? That was a total Everest moment, and I didn’t even have a helicopter.”
“Yeah,” Shia said.
“So let me be your helicopter. Let it all out.”
John sat back and waited, because he wasn’t afraid to sit in silence with another living soul on this crazy blue marble.
“Do you ever feel like — I don’t know — like you…” Shia began.
“…Want to run through the halls of your high school?” they said at once.
There was a pause. A silence as warm and as understanding as a favorite sweater. Then they both screamed at the top of their lungs.
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.