Toasties! When spring fools you and it’s winter again the only thing you can do is eat lobster benedicts and drink gallons of hot tea (or coffee. I don’t judge.) Tell me your weekend plans! Especially the indoor ones! And keep up with the kindness and goodness and all that is toastly!
Tags: cocktail hour, meta, open thread, the bartender
Hey, would any Toasties be interested in a mix CD swap?
If you would, email me at (figwiggin)at(gmail)dot(com) with the following info:
1. Name/Username
2. Mailing address
3. Whether you’re willing to ship internationally
4. Any music preference info you’d like your swap partner to have (eg “I hate showtunes” or “Kenny Loggins is the best”)
Then I’ll hook you up with a swap buddy and you’ll make each other the greatest mix CDs of all time! WON’T IT BE GREAT
This is brilliant. Making mix CDs is my one true talent.
I had no opinion about Kenny Loggins for quite some time hut he was on Archer the other week and it was funny. The new Charlene album from them is good too.
Also, I’m interested but I don’t think I’m very good at playlists/mix CD creation. :/
I am too, but I’m in the same boat. Swap with each other?
Aw, feel free to participate anyway!
Just put all your favourite songs on a CD! Even if all your favourite songs are by the same disco-metal-fusion jazz band!
Mixtapes are the best.
I think this is the only time I’ve ever been bummed that the cd drive on my laptop is broken.
Any chance I could still participate and do a dropbox swap with someone?
Or spotify/rdio playlists??
I believe we have a dropbox swapper for you, so long as you two can work out the details (I’m not very familiar with dropbox)! Email me!
Yesss I am so down for this!
YES THAT WOULD BE PERFECT. I’m in, will email you!
YES will email you shortly!
In like Flynn.
oooh i have never done one of these before, but i always wanted to! i’m gonna do it!
YEAAAAAAAAAH, thank you!
I am so up for this! If there’s another Euro-based then we can swap, save someone else postage…
i am…in spain. i emailed but before i saw this
Tragicallyludicrous, you should be getting something in the mail this week!
Totally down!
Yes, I love mixes! I admit, I don’t have the coolest music, but I will totally decorate it with hand-done pink sharpie art (hell yeah 2003)
Mallory and I have to go repair our friendship by getting lunch and going to Target, but please promise me you will read and socially share the drag prom piece. Don’t let it be eaten by Friday’s notoriously crap traffic.
I read it and it was lovely! Thank you for the nod to go check it out.
Sending it to everyone I know as I weep openly at my desk.
Oki doke Toasties I need some advice.
Since last week I have heard from all of the schools I applied to: full rides to the two in my home state (including my alma mater) and not accepted to my top choice school here in my current city.
Here’s my dilemma:
I want my M.A. But I also don’t want to move (for reasons like I’m sick of moving, we just got a great apartment, I like the way the city looks at night, I do NOT want to deal with winter again). My two options are going back to my old English department for two years and getting my M.A. after which I can totally move back here, and not going to grad school (right now) and finding a new job. And I was given a week to decide.
Obviously there’s a lot of factors that will go into this but I’m wondering: do you wish you had gone to grad school sooner/later after undergrad? Is doing graduate work at the same school as undergrad not a smart move (I don’t know, on resumes maybe?)? Will having an M.A. in English help me at all more than a B.A. when it comes to job hunting (by which I mean asking craigslist who’s hiring)? What would you do?
This weekend I will be hiding under my covers until the answer comes to me. I am more stressed about this now than while I was waiting to hear back. Uuggghhhh.
I have an English-type degree, and right now I work in publishing. This is my first “grown up” job, and it seems like it was really important for me to get in here and get some real-world experience… I’m glad I didn’t keep going with school. I think it will depend a lot on what you want to do with your life, but if you’re not trying to be a professor it might be good to get out there and try a job in your field or a year or two before going back to school?
I also work in publishing (out of college 3 years now) and this has been my experience as well. If that sort of job is what you’re after, I don’t think an MA is going to do much for you, since publishing is largely an apprenticeship industry. Teaching is for sure a different animal, though, so it depends a lot on what your plans are.
I went to grad school a year after undergrad and I had a terrible experience and dropped out after finishing my coursework (but not thesis), so take what I say with some salt. Doing grad work at your undergrad school is thought to be, from what I have heard, a bad idea. You want to expand your network and meet and work with lots of different people, for resumes and career growth. My grad school cohort, about half were from the undergrad program at the same school and they were at a disadvantage. They didn’t have the widest knowledge bases, and struggled to bring anything new to seminars – it was a poor program all around, and those of us with a more varied undergrad education did better. I was in History, and I’m glad I quit when I did. From what I have seen having a full MA wouldn’t help me find a job anymore than my BA did, and from my cohort of 20, exactly one person is working in a history related field. I’m glad I left when I did and started building a career.
Moving sucks.
But grad school is fun!
(Well, for me it was. And I had to move to a different continent to do it, but it was to the same place I’d been for my year abroad, so I knew the place – and that my future-husband would be just a hop across the Irish Sea that way & easier to lure to my side.)
ANYWAY – what will you do if you delay the MA? What is exciting or dreadful about the prospect of the job hunt where you are? Was the great apartment but one of the many great apartments that abound where you are, or was it a bitch to secure? Is it sublettable? (Is sublettable a word?)
I went straight from BA to MA & was glad of it for many reasons, not many of which were professional-related (either way I would have likely ended up where I am, which has been 20 years working in the family business I was already working in before I started college at all, and for which none of my BA or MA courses trained me.) (English! Creative Writing! Handy!)
It’s a pain to decide, and I wish you luck, but also: congratulations on your acceptances! That’s great! I suspect that your gut is telling you to go get the degree, and that’s why the misery of leaving your apartment / weather is stressing you out. Cause you kinda know that the move is where you’re headed. BUT – just because you made a plan & applied & were accepted doesn’t mean you’re doomed to stick with that plan. You are allowed to change your plan. You are allowed to go haunt the offices of the in-town grad school and smile winningly and ask if there’s an appeal process or wait list (it’s been known to work, if they have enough people refuse their offers). You’re allowed to get a job and find it kinda fun and screw the whole grad school idea, anyway, after all.
I got my PhD at the same place I did my undergrad, and while it wasn’t a great experience for me, it wasn’t because of staying at the same place. My experience as a grad student was very different from that as an undergrad. I even got my grad school cohort involved in some campus activities they otherwise may not have been, since I knew about them from being an undergrad (a cappella ftw!).
You will have a much closer relationship to the faculty than you did as an undergrad, so I’d just make sure you’re comfortable with that (my biggest awkwardness was switching from calling them Professor X to their first name, not a big deal). I did get the advice that if you stay at the same place, you might want to look more into outreach programs from other schools, so you meet a wider range of people. But conferences can do that too.
In general, no one cares where you did your undergrad once you have a grad degree. So I wouldn’t worry too much about that.
An M.A. in English is generally not worth it in career terms– it’s the Ph.D. that makes a big difference in terms of hiring. It also isn’t particularly going to help you get into Ph.D. programs, and could even hurt at top-ranked ones, unless you do something along the lines of publishing part of your MA thesis as an article.
It’s great that you got a full ride in several places – that makes it much more worthwhile to do the MA, but only if you want to intrinsically, because otherwise in English an M.A. is not going to make much of a difference to you unless you want to teach English in a private high school — that’s really the only scenario I can think of where it would be useful in a practical way as opposed intrinsically rewarding and satisfying — which of course is a great thing, but different.
I don’t know anyone who wishes they had gone back to school sooner, but I do know people who wish they’d waited longer and gotten work experience in their field first. I think you have to ask yourself why you applied to the schools you got into in the first place. There must be something about them that made you think they were options for you. Also: two years is really not a very long time in your adult life to commit to living somewhere. If you decide to go to school now, you will be graduating before you know it and back looking for a job again, possibly with debt. What would a degree bring to that situation? I’d ask yourself that first.
I don’t have any useful advice, but I wanted to say:
1. Congratulations on those acceptances, and especially on the offers of funding! That’s exciting and encouraging!
2. You were right to hide under the covers and consider your options, and I salute you. Your sound judgment bodes well for your future.
I work in marketing/advertising, and the majority of our team have English/Communications/Journalism undergrad degrees. A few have MBAs that they earned later in their careers.
We just went through a small flurry of hiring people from those same backgrounds, and I will tell you that real-world experience in our field had a much bigger influence on our final selections than ANY aspect of education. Truly, I can’t remember where any of these new people went to school, for how long, or in what majors, but I do remember their work histories, references and interview personalities.
This is the first time I have ever been involved in a hiring decision (let alone three at once!), and I found it really eye-opening. Everyone else in the group has been involved in a ton of hiring decisions, including the decision to hire me, so I took my cues from them as to what is “standard practice” for hiring writers.
It really depends on what you want to do, but I have to agree with what everyone else is saying and tell you that my husband is applying to publishing/editing jobs right now and all anyone has told him is that they want people with job experience–and he has an MA. You can always go back later, but it’s awful to have an MA and still not be able to find a job. I also have an MA (though not in English) and I consider it one of the worst mistakes of my professional life, because I am also seeking a job in a field that completely dismisses higher education in favor of apprentice-type job experience. So that’s my perspective, but congratulations on your full rides–that’s a tremendous achievement. Please never go to a school for a graduate degree from a program that doesn’t offer you a full ride, even if it’s your first choice. That’s what I did.
I’m the secretary in charge of managing the graduate students in English at a Midwestern state university. I’ve been in this job for twelve years, and unless you have a burning desire to get that advanced degree at any cost, don’t do it. Moving shouldn’t be a factor. Your great apartment shouldn’t be a factor. Your love of your hometown shouldn’t be a factor. Weather shouldn’t be a factor.
Unless you lie awake at night BURNING WITH THE NEED TO RE-ENTER ACADEMIA, graduate school is not where you want to be.
THIS.
Reread your application essays. What kind of narrative were you crafting in your mind and on paper about yourself as a grad student when you were making the decision to put yourself out there originally? How closely does the Applying You resemble the Current You?
And seconding other advice, dig into what’s driving you to want this experience. The credential might give you a bump upward for some jobs and not for other jobs. What other things would you like to get out of the next two years of your life and emotional and intellectual labor? Are you cool with those other things?
I’m in grad school now. I worked for about two and a half years after getting my BA and I’m glad I did, mostly because it made me realize that I really did want to be in academia (I wasn’t just thinking that because it was the only thing I really knew) and when I’m mad at my graduate work I think “oh well at least I’m not at an office any more!” and I feel better.
I know this might make me sound like a unicorn, and really everyone’s lives are different and you should just do you, but I also believe that the life experience of strangers on the Internet can be helpful, so: I moved across the country for an MA in English, had the best year of my life, moved back across the country, and then got a job in publishing with minimal real-world experience. If you want an MA, get an MA and figure out the rest later. My MA is directly applicable to my job, but even if it weren’t, I wouldn’t regret it a tiny bit.
This was so exactly what I was looking for. Thank you.
I’m going to Cornwall in 5 days AND YOU AREN’T (unless you are, in which case, wow, that’s weird, maybe I’ll see you at tintagel. I’ll be the redhead with an undercut hanging around with the really tall guy) and it’s gonna be a 7 hour, 600 mile drive and the cats are gonna hate us when we get back on saturday.
So I’m really looking forward to it.
Anyone else going on a short-notice, hastily planned trip?
Not short notice or hastily planned, but I’m going to Savannah next weekend and Boston the weekend after that! Very, very excited. Are you into 7 hours of driving or no?
Boston! Boston! Careful… it’s still the dead of winter here.
Sadly, GreenGrasses is correct, although I am already seeing patches of (dead) grass surface after our latest blizzard.
eh, I don’t travel well, but I’m in control of the map so I’m going to stop us off in nice places.
I’m going to Wisconsin because my parents sold my childhood home (surprise!) and basically said, “If you need to say goodbye, get your ass back here before the 24th.” My drive is half yours so the hasty planning was less of an issue. Yours sounds more fun though! Mine’s mostly going to be about weird memories.
Tintagel is so cool!!! 🙂
Nope, I’m going to Spain in two weeks for a long weekend riding holiday and I have been waiting for it to be time to go for aaaaaaaaaaages. Have a lovely time Tintageling!
TINTAGEL! My only conception of the place comes from re-reading the Mists of Avalon constantly from ages 11-15, so I am very jealous of you.
Mostly rocks and fog and adultery, if I remember correctly.
But it was so romantic and full of reincarnated lives.
I THINK I may have gone as a child, but I can’t remember it, so it might as well be my first visit.
I was going to, but then it was supposed to rain all weekend, so what the hell is the point?
Instead we’re spending all our hotel money on a fancy dinner out tonight and we’re going to the museum tomorrow and whatever other ‘staycation’ (I hate that word) type ideas we can come up with. One kid went to the rodeo yesterday, so I guess we can’t add that to the list (we’re Texans, but not THAT Texan.) Probably this town has other things on offer, and at least it’s warm.
Here is my Tintagel joke, c/o Bath:
Me to Elderly Docent: What’s the difference between Tintagel and Bath Cathedral?
Her: Henry the Eighth and a tax dispute.
The double whammy of massive work deadline and endless frigid prairie winter broke me, so I’m going to go lie on a beach in Mexico the week after next. Just me and my e-reader and a steady supply of girlie drinks!
ps this is my very first Toast post, after several months of fervent lurking, and this solo vacation is baby steps toward taking to the sea.
And a stylish voyage it is! Well done you!
Not really a trip, but short notice nonetheless: I’m going to a close-in suburb (although “suburb” is not quite the word to describe Arlington, Virginia) to go to champagne brunch at my great-aunt’s retirement home and also to help sort her pills. Usually my uncle (a doctor) or my dad does it, but they’ll both be out of town.
I am stoked because she really is the greatest great-aunt. Any visit with her involves great stories about being a Pan Am stewardess in the late 40’s or an Air Force wife in Texas/North Dakota/Okinawa/Bangkok in the 50’s-60’s or a docent at the Air & Space Museum in the 70’s-10’s. I’ve heard all her stories a million times but love hearing them over and over. Especially over champagne and pancakes.
I’m going up the Sunshine Coast in BC, land of tiny beach-mountain towns, to hang out with my extremely wise and cool older cousin, and be a (less) wise and cool older cousin to her young daughters. They are so funny and spunky and they think I’m the greatest so it should be pretty excellent!
I’m going on a long-notice decently-planned trip, to a conference in Orlando. Even though it looks like it’s solidly springlike here in the Netherlands I’m still excited for warmth and sunlight.
My cat will have to deal with my absence. He will not like it at all.
My best friend and I are skipping work in a few weeks to make a nine hour drive in the late afternoon/evening/night and despite the fact that we still have time, I can tell it’s going to be hastily planned, and also the best. She’s going to a thing and is dropping me off at my pseudo-parents’ house on the way. I’m so excited I can hardly contain myself. I may also be seeing someone I have a few Feelings about. I’m going to be wiggly puppy levels of excited the whole drive, all through the night.
Enjoy your trip!!! Have fun!
I love Cornwall soooo much. In some of my escapist fantasies I go and live in a little cottage close to the sea there, maybe with a little dog, and just stare at the sea every day.
CORNWALL. oh wow, too jealous. I went to st ives in October of 2009- maybe 2010? It had been a hideously shit summer, anyway- and it was about seventy degrees and the sea was practically the same colour as the cloudless sky. I lost my suitcase at saint erth and the people I was with were saying,’oh, that’s dreadful, you’ve got no socks’ and I was just staring out of the train window like a ninny, gurgling with delight. Suffice it to say: MOTHERFUCKING CORNWALL, YO. Have a wonderful weekend!
Happy Pi Day!
My pie miraculously made it to work on the back of my bike, though the meringue cracked a bit. And all I want to do is eat it all right now, the whole thing, and not share it with any of my coworkers.
Tougher stuff: Yesterday I took a lead climbing class. I like to think that I’m a brave person. I want to be a total badass who’ll try anything and conquer everything. But yesterday, I don’t think I did that at all. I kept getting frustrated when I was back-clipping and couldn’t get it right, which then only made me more terrified that I was going to get it wrong and fall and hurt myself. And then when I did take a big fall, I panicked and screamed and couldn’t handle myself. Highlight of the night: crying in public 3 times. Woooo. I hate that my response to stress is to cry. I hate feeling like I can’t do something when everybody else can. I hate it when reality infringes on the idea of myself that I’ve created. Any advice/words of encouragement? Specifically, any other stress-criers have any advice? That’s always been something really frustrating.
No advice, just voicing my solidarity in stress-crying. It always makes people think I’m hysterical, but really I’m still dealing with the situation and I just also happen to be crying.
I do this too and honestly, the only thing that’s made dealing with it better is accepting that it’s just how I am, and trying not to blame myself for it. People deal with stress differently…the fact that we cry doesn’t make us any less capable as people!
You ARE a badass. It’s hard to do new things, but you are totally trying it and working on it.
I say that if you’re getting the job done, then it doesn’t matter whether you cried or not. (So sayeth another crier.)
ETA: Crying is stigmatized because of the patriarchy. GO SHED THOSE TEARS!
Here’s the thing: leading is something that it’s totally appropriate to be frightened about. It’s actually dangerous. You can actually hurt yourself falling. This isn’t about you not being a badass; it’s about fear performing its actual function in the human body.
I don’t have any advice about stress-crying (I usually just snuffle and shove chocolate in my mouth?), but I have lots of thoughts about lead climbing while risk-averse. Fumbling a clip is INCREDIBLY stressful for me, so I spent a lot of time mock-leading and following so I really had the technique down (both hands, either direction).
Secondly, I think it’s fine not to take lead falls! You can bail, or downclimb, or top-rope everything first so you’re confident in it, or have your belayer set the first two clips, or lead your warm-ups and top hard stuff. It’s better, I think, to gradually expand your comfort level than to force yourself to take massive whippers and end up stressed and miserable!
It was in the gym, so I guess it was technically sport/trad climbing rather than true lead climbing. But thanks for the encouragement! I might take the class again – $20 is worth feeling safer and more comfortable.
I mean, if it had been an outdoor trad (or even outdoor sport!) lead class and they’d had you take big falls on the first day I think my only advice would have been RUN THOSE PEOPLE HAVE NO REGARD FOR YOUR LIFE OR SAFETY
But then I represent the tail-end of the risk-aversion bell curve for climbers.
Also watching this helped: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaIvk1cSyG8
My default response to stress/embarrassment is also crying, which in turn makes me even more embarrassed and ashamed, especially as I get older.
I’ve been trying to work on this for a while, and the only thing I’ve successfully managed is finding a way to excuse myself, blinking back the tears, and then congratulating myself for not crying in front of others. As I keep doing this, the urge to cry has decreased, though it is certainly still present.
This is also part of a larger effort on my part to accept that I can’t always live up to the self that I have created and that I’m not a bad person if I can’t always meet my own expectations. I know that’s not particularly helpful, especially in the short term, but it’s working out for me, I guess.
I am a frustration crier, and I hate it. It can lead to a lot of crying in public, especially at work. Otherwise, I have no crying shame. When I found out about the crying-in-NYC tumblr, I related to it so hard.
I totally read that as “A pie miraculously made its way onto the back of my bike during the ride to work.” Which, woohoo! Free pie! But pie survival is pretty awesome too.
Also, I cry during stress, criticism, generally speaking when people raise their voices, at the smallest amount of embarrassment, etc. I deal with it by not dealing with it and collapsing face down on the couch. Um, so no solution, but many nods of sympathy?
I’ve sometimes found that really focusing on relaxing my eye muscles (and face in general) helps, but unfortunately that’s about it. Stress crying is the absolute stupid worst.
Also part of the stress crying club, and the frustration crying club. Also the ugly crying club and the there’s-no-way-no-one-noticed-this club. Climbing is scary and cool, and you can do it. You won’t be great at something until you’ve cried about it, probably, or until you haven’t been good at it in front of someone. That’s what I keep telling myself, at least.
I took the day off of work and now I have a sore throat BUT I am still going to make pies and have a Pi day party! I’m thinking pumpkin, peanut butter with maybe meringue?, and possibly a chocolate tart.Also corned beef this weekend and my mom’s chili if she finally sends me the recipe (I fear I will not do it justice.) Toasties, what recipes of your moms or dads or great aunts do you wish you could make?
Peanut butter with meringue YOU MONSTER what is that even yum I’ll be right over and also I might have to bury my face in the pie
I don’t know if it will work out the only recipes I can find are LIES they have you put some peanut butter on the bottom of the pie crust and then pour plain custard over it
IF I WANTED A CUSTARD PIE I WOULD MAKE THAT FUCK THIS NOISE
Are you thinking more like a peanut butter cream pie? Because that could be nice with meringue.
Well, that is just SILLY THOSE HORRIBLE LIARS WHY DO THEY LIE
As msjinxie suggests, wouldn’t a regular ol’ pb pie work if you topped it w/ meringue? If you’re worried about the filling melting during broiling, remember that meringue is an insulator (a la Baked Alaska): so long as you put a nice thick layer all the way to the edge, a few scant minutes under the broiler shouldn’t affect the filling at all.
I’m not worried about it melting so much! But to do a proper meringue pie, the filling underneath is supposed to be hot, so the underside cooks. I could try and adjust it with a thinner layer of meringue, but really this sounds like too much experimentation for a party that’s happening tonight.
ooooooh right, good call. That just shows you that I’ve never made a pb pie; I didn’t even think about whether it would be hot.
Most of the ones I’m seeing that look reliable are no-bake; I imagine there’s a cooked variety but I’m just not into the level of experimentation today! My friends are bringing NEW PEOPLE and therefore I must have nerves at things.
MY MOTHER IS A GENIUS.
She reminded me that I made a really good peanut butter pudding over Thanksgiving. So I’ll use that as the base of the pie! DUH
I love it when a pie comes together.
OHMYGOD my Aunt Flo (I have an actual Aunt Flo, are you jealous?) makes the BEST brisket. Even her foodie daughter can’t replicate it, so I have no chance.
Try as I might, I can never quite recreate my mom’s chocolate chip cookies. She’s adapted the Nestle recipe years ago and they are always perfect and soft and wonderful and mine NEVER come out like hers.
Now that I’ve finally learned the True Secrets of Ma Jinx’s mashed potatoes, the only family recipe I really need to crack is my Auntie Ann’s apple tart. (Though she’s told me the trick is using margarine in the crust, so I just need to get over my fear of marg. and try that.)
My grandmother makes fantastic roast beef, just nice and tender and yummy. But no one’s been able to duplicate it, even while supervised by Grandma, so I fear her secrets may be lost with her.
I have never been able to figure out what my dad did to his stir-fry dishes that made them taste so good. He didn’t even have anything fancy like fish sauce and it was always so good. And now he’s gone and he can’t ask him… at least I have his bomb-ass chili recipe (and, more importantly, the basic cooking/baking skills he taught me).
Oh man, my Aunt Ascuncion (who was really my dad’s godfather’s sister-in-law, but we called her Aunt) was a fearsome cookie baker. The most amazing cookies you have ever had in your goddamned life. Meltingly tender, crisp or flaky as they needed to be, just… wonderful.
And she was totally one of those cooks who left secret ingredients or key steps out of her recipes. Which I respect, but she’s been dead for twenty years and I really miss her cookies, and now they never come out right.
I’M GOING TO SHOW NICOLE ‘MURDER BY DEATH’ SHE HAS NEVER EVER SEEN IT EVEN ONCE AND THEN I AM GOING TO GO ON A VACATION BUT I AM GOING TO MISS YOU GUYS
all of my open thread comments are always in all caps
all of your writing is in all caps, in my heart
WHAT, I CAN’T BELIEVE NICOLE HAS NEVER SEEN ‘MURDER BY DEATH’ SHOW IT TO HER NOW NOW NOW NOW.
I only write in caps when the need is urgent, like in this case.
YES YES YES MURDER BY DEATH OMG
AAAAAAH MURDER BY DEATH IS THE BEST
BETTER THAN THE BEST YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Murder By Death and a vacation with Grandma! You are truly living your best life and I am more than a little jealous of your Grandma road trip.
Who else is SO PUMPED for the Veronica Mars movie opening??? (I’m going with 3 co-workers, it’s going to be a delightful nerdfest.)
I have no one to go with, but am excited nonetheless!
I am going to see it on Sunday, I am so stoked!
I’m going to my sister’s to watch it streamed this evening, and then probably to the cinema on Sunday morning on my own to see it again, as that was the plan until my sister rang me and told me she could get it via the playstation on TV. VERY EXCITED.
So so excited! My download code just arrived in my email. i’m ordering pizza and watching it as soon as I possibly can (after work! maybe with a friend or two! and then on to the tumblrs to discuss it!)
Streaming it at home tonight. Yay!
I’m excited! Going to stream it at home like a bunch of hermits, thanks to the limited theater release. But that’s all good — who needs the outside world?
My husband never watched season 3, so I’ve been rewatching it with him, and wooboy is it a train wreck in some ways. Still, I have high hopes for the movie.
UGH SEASON 3. But yeah, I’ve read a few reviews, and they’re all either like, “This is fun and great!” or “This movie is TOO MUCH LIKE A TV SHOW,” which… yes?
I saw it last night at the kickstarter preview and IT IS SO GOOD. Basically it’s a long episode, which is pretty awesome.
My key takeaway is that Logan looks great, of course, but Mac? Mac is outrageously hot to the point of distraction. Swoon.
IS ANYONE IN DC AND WANT TO GO SEE IT?? I don’t have anyone to go with but am so so so excited about it!
1) D. Pugh = the chicken lady.
2) WEEVIL! I heart him.
3) Keith! I heart him too, but not as much as Weevil.
4) I still want to be veronica when I grow up.
My favorite ice cream place is hopefully making a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough today, so mostly that’s what I’m excited about. AND – two weeks in a row of writing 100 words/day, doing 10 pushups/day.
Also, it’s almost – ALMOST – warm enough for really pleasant runs again, and I just can’t wait for spring.
Everything about this sounds lovely! We had one single solitary day of nice weather earlier this week, and I went for a run in the actual outdoors and it was the best thing (my shoes were totally waterlogged by the end, but WHATEVER).
Did you get push-up/writing stars? I have so many stars now!
YES. I’ve been using chains.cc for both of those goals. It is not quite as satisfying as putting a sticker on something, but it is easier to do, because seeing them both there reminds me that if I get stuck in the middle of writing I can just drop and do my push-ups and I knock out two birds with one stone.
Ooh, I need to look into that. Now that I’ve got the push-ups more or less under control, I want to add something ab/core related, because I need those muscles to be better at holding me, you know, upright.
Is it weird that every time I do push-ups/crunches/lunges, I want to tweet @Nicole Cliffe and brag?
Wait, let me rephrase, because I know it’s weird. Is it sad?
Wait, I don’t care if it’s sad. NICOLE, I DID MY CRUNCHES AND MY BRIDGES LAST NIGHT I AM SO STRONG.
I do countertop pushups at work while waiting for my lunch to heat up and I always want to tweet at Nicole too.
Everyone! I didn’t used to think that I ever wanted to be married, but now I’ve been with my dude for three years and I’m starting to think that maybe I do and it is SCARING ME. What’s up with that?
Yeah, I remember realizing that I might want to marry The Fella, and it was upsetting. I had internalized the notion of “Well, I’m never getting married!” as a chunk of my identity, when (for me) it was really just a happenstance fact of my life thus far.
We’ve been married several years and I still bump up against that bit of me, floating in my head somewhere, and it can be funny or jarring or just *shrugs* “oh, right. Well, that wasn’t as important as I once thought,” y’know?
I can totally relate to the “not getting married is part of who I am” thing. I used to be all “independent lady! Dudes are alright but, you know, I’m happy with myself!” But now I’m feeling really good about having a partner to travel through life with, and plus he’s great to hang out with and makes me fresh bread.
What did you do for your wedding? How did you incorporate your non-love of weddings into your wedding? …If you did at all.
That’s a good question, and one I hadn’t really asked myself.
Initially, I suggested we get hitched at city hall, then walk down the street to a favorite restaurant where we could meet our (quite large) families for brunch in a reserved room. But The Fella nixed that: he wanted to get married in the presence of all our friends and extended family, and I know now that – for us – that was the right thing to do. The love and good will in that room was palpable, and the memory of it will buoy my spirits for years to come.
We had a wedding in a local grange hall, with homemade food (which was doable only because I used to cater and know how to plan for 100+ guests) and homemade decorations and no professional photographer or DJ. We treated it as a party that happened to start with a marriage ceremony. I bought a dress (really a skirt and top) that I loved and have worn dozens of times since. Our only professional touch (other than the servers I hired to heat food and fill the buffet, and the cleaning person I hired to tidy up the hall after) was the gorgeous and enormous cake, a gift from my sister, a professional baker specializing in wedding cakes.
Our wedding rings are a good symbol of this low-key approach: after deciding that, yeah, we wanted to exchange rings, we shopped for a long time trying to find something special. After one long last tiring wasted afternoon trying on rings and talking to cool indie local jewelers, I suggested something kinda odd: we went to the local hippie shop and tried on plain sterling bands. That’s what we ended up buying, for about 35 bucks total*, and we’re really happy with them. They’ll get dinged and scuffed over the years, but I don’t mind. So will we. But we’ll still be here, together.
*It was only that much because my hands gain and lose a full ring size with hot and cold seasons, so I splurged and bought two, one for winter and one for summer.
What I am taking away from this is that a) your experience sounds perfectly wonderful b) I need to get some more useful life skills and c) I need to make some more friends or acquire a sibling with useful life skills!!!
It was a good wedding, not a perfect one, and that’s all we needed. We personalized it by focusing on what made it feel best to us: The Fella’s sister officiated, my sister made the cake, we fed our guests, my brother and his sister took tons of photos. (I wish we’d handled that differently: the photos are lovely, but I wish we’d been firmer about making them take more time to enjoy the wedding themselves.)
I hope that “only doable because I was a caterer” doesn’t scare people off, exactly. I only mean that we all need to pick and choose what we’re realistically capable of, especially on a stressful, busy, exciting occasion. Lots of people think “Oh, I love to cook, I can do this!” but cooking for a crowd of 20 or 30 is different from cooking for 100+ people, all of whom want to speak to you on your wedding day. I carefully planned a menu that required no hands-on work from me or The Fella on the day, and it went well. But it required tons of planning and forethought and preparation, which a catering background allowed me to do.
But we were pretty aggressively sanguine about any possible failure, too. I was loaded with cash in small bills, in case we needed to order pizzas for 100+, or (because my sister was in the middle of her own life crisis at the time) in case we had no cake and needed to send the best man to the grocery store across the street to buy all the ice cream sandwiches and Drumsticks in the freezer section. We would still have been just as married, and everyone there would’ve had a great story to tell forever.
My parents forgot about buying rings and got plain cheap sterling ones too. They still wear them 36 years later. 🙂
I was never against getting married, but I was really against of the whole princess-for-a-day thing. We had a meaningful ceremony (that we spent a lot of time on getting just right) followed by the kind of party we’d like to host in our own home, if our own home could accommodate all our loved ones + a dance floor. I found that as long as I was thinking about “a big party for everyone we love” instead of “a wedding,” the decisions came easier and I had way fewer internal expectations of myself/the event/everyone else.
Yep, this is me exactly. Except for the mother-in-law nixing the idea of a potluck reception (in our minds it was a party so it didn’t matter) we mostly got the low-key wedding we wanted. We splurged on having a photographer with us at city hall and we took our post-wedding photos (our actual wedding was seriously like 2 minutes long) in the beautiful library a couple blocks away. Since we are both librarians and we met in library school this was pretty meaningful and special to us. The next day we did all the receptiony/party stuff and it was just so much fun.
Oh! And I wore a blue polka dot dress and made my own bouquet!
Having eschewed the princess-for-a-day thing, there are only two things I regret missing out on:
1. I really wish I’d worn a tiara or a diadem, because when else but your wedding day can you rock a diadem without being That Broad In The Diadem?*
2. During the party-planning phase, I discovered that a local party rental place rents out massive castle-themed bouncy houses. We didn’t have space or any excuse to hire one, and I regret it to this day.
*jk im going to make one and wear it whenevvvvvvvvver i want. suck it haters
yeah I’m not about Princess For A Day but I am about Tiaras For Always so
Urg, yeah, “princess for a day” does not suit me at ALL. And when people are like “the wedding is all about the bride!” I want to vomit in their faces before reminding them that a wedding is TWO people getting married!
Yeah, I do not know! I’ve always pictured myself getting married someday – am not ready to yet – but I’ve been thinking about marriage and weddings generally and how to separate what the world tells us they have to mean and what they can actually mean to individuals. Like, the only thing marriage definitively IS is a legal contract committing you to another person in certain ways until that contract ends by death or divorce. Everything else – rings, monogamy, the big ceremony, the use of “we” – is up for grabs. And that, to me, is pretty cool to think about.
It totally is! I have lots of respect for the legal idea of marriage, because I think it’ll be helpful in buying a house, not paying so many taxes, etc. But the rest of the stuff… I’m kinda excited for me and my partner to make it up as we go along, I guess!
SAME. Since seventh grade (I was very “mature” and “emo” at this age), I declared weddings and marriage and even dating were not for me because “everyone ends up alone anyway.” (This was even before my parents’ divorce! Who was I?)
But I’ve been dating my boyf for almost 2.5 years and while sometimes I hate him with the power of a blistering sun, I’m generally just like… dude. Let’s hang out together… forever.
I have a somewhat related question for you (and anyone else): if you are a feminist, how will that come into play for yr wedding? That is what worries me most.
Hahah I also just want to eternally be chillin’ with my dude. He’s cool! I was more of a “I don’t need anyone else to tell me how to live my life!” type of person about marriage, but now I’m thinking it could be good for the legal aspect, plus I kinda want to throw a huge party for everyone we love? Since I am a feminist, I can tell you the following things about my wedding, if it ever comes to be: I will NOT wear white because who are we kidding with the purity thing. It would not be in a church. It would maybe involve vows, but maybe not? I’m not changing my name. Annnnd we would generally just try to celebrate the idea of love rather than saying that we’re so special or different for being together. It really gets my goat when people act like their love is any better or more valid than anyone else’s, and I feel like most giant foufy weddings are basically saying that.
TL;DNR: I want to wear a flower crown and a pretty green dress at a huge garden party.
I totally get it, all of it. My boyfriend and I actually domestic partnered, which causes me to both feel that I can stave off any more Big Things for a while, and also like “we’re already halfway there, let’s just do it.” I generally just want a day where I look good and everyone is really, really nice to me. If I ever win an Oscar I won’t need a wedding.
Why no vows?
Domestic partnering! That’s a great idea! Can you tell me more about what that entailed? I am woefully uninformed about it, when I definitely should not be.
As for the vows… I think that I would feel silly standing in front of people and proclaiming all sorts of love things. I don’t know if “silly” is the right word, but like… I think anyone at my wedding/garden party would know that my partner and I love each other very much, so I feel like exclaiming it in front of everyone is unnecessary? Especially since really, all that matters is that he knows how I feel, and then the party is more like a general celebration of happiness. I don’t think I’m articulating myself very well, so suffice it to say that the idea of vows squicks me out just a bit.
Oh girl I could talk to you all day about it. In short: we have lived together for almost a year, and he was on his parents’ insurance, but that insurance was limited to his home state of MA, and we live in NY, and he wasn’t using it, and it was expensive. He considered Obamacare, but in the past I had mentioned (knowing the health care thing would come up someday, as he is a writer) getting a DP for insurance purposes. Like, way down the line. Like, when I am 25 (I am 22). So we bumped it up a few years. It intimidated me at first, but it was a relatively smooth process, and nothing has changed in our day-to-day. I’m really proud of myself for being able to provide for a loved one, and glad he won’t die because he can’t afford the doctor or something.
And vows! I actually feel almost the opposite of you, though yr opinion is something I’ve never before considered. I also get the silliness of proclaiming one’s love in front of a ton of people, which is why I want to separate my ceremony and reception into two diff occasions. If I am going to vow to someone that I am going to spend the rest of my life with them, I want it to be important and meaningful, and I want to write it (of course) without the fear of reciting it in front of people. Also, it’s nobody’s business how exactly I feel, so no one really needs to hear it but us. Ideally, I’d like to have a small small ceremony with just our parents and ourselves, and a huge party later where we just dance and get drunk and are already married.
It took me a long time to get past the “our feelings are none of anyone’s business, who will even care about that anyway” part of wedding planning, but actually the exchanging of vows turned out to be my favorite part of the whole thing. Even though we’d been telling each other “I love you” for 6 years or so by that point, it felt a lot different making promises and committing to each other in front of all of our friends and family. Since we wrote our own vows, it was kind of like making a blueprint for our future lives together – this is how we feel, this is how we’re going to treat each other, these are the situations in which you can know that I’ll be there for you, etc. And the fact that it was scary to do that sort of thing publicly felt right. It seems like something that should be hard to do.
sorry for being so fucking sappy, though, sorry everyone. maybe the pregnancy hormones are finally starting up. maybe the shock of above freezing weather has fucked up my whole deal.
Having feelings in public was the hardest part of my wedding for me, for sure. I know it meant a lot to him and to the fam, but I haaaate being the center of attention, and having people watch me be all sincere and earnest and whatever was way out of my comfort zone. (I mean, obviously I meant it, I just didn’t want to have to say it)
I’ve thought about this a lot, and I think the biggest thing for me will be refusing to participate in any tradition that is about the transference of me from my father to my husband (implicitly or explicitly). I think it might be nice to have mixed-gender wedding parties. And while I would probably wear a white dress, I would like to have some color in it somewhere so it does less to symbolize purity.
Re: spending tons and tons of money on a big party: I am uncomfortable with that, but my current boyfriend is all about it, so I imagine if we get married we will compromise in some way. What’s most important to me is separating out: okay, what is expensive just because throwing a big party is expensive? And what is expensive because it’s ~*a wedding*~? And do more of the former, less of the latter.
Yes and yes! The transference of property nonsense is what really irks me. My father is deeply religious and traditional, and I fear that saying “I don’t want you to walk me down the aisle because that is basically the manifestation of an exchange in ownership of a woman and creepy as hell” would break his heart. My grandfather, his father, is also a preacher, and it seems impossible that I would have someone ELSE do my vows, when my granddad would be right there! Ugh. It stresses me to no end.
I like your dress idea. I have no issue with wearing a white dress. Mostly because I look really good in white. But purity? Pshh.
Hm. Maybe a good solution might be having both your mom and your dad walk you down the aisle? As long as there’s no “giving away” language, you could re-frame that as a message of familial support rather than transference.
Personally, I think it would be awesome to have my best friend walk me down the aisle.
My parents got divorced and fucked everything up! I mean, I am totally ok with walking myself down the “aisle” (hallway of city hall), but am afraid I will seem selfish. But a best friend thing would be SUPER CUTE and v original.
so, I’m a little hung over and not quite with it, but at first glance I thought your last sentence said that it would be SUPER CUTE and vaginal. hahahahahahahah. oi.
Co-signed. My dad has always been The Person Who Has My Back, and I’m down for a symbolic handing-over of that responsibility to my guy. I’m not down with the whole “I own her, now you own her” stuff, but I think you can make a very reasonable switch to a role-transfer going on. I don’t know; it depends on what kind of relationship you have with your dad, really, but his having-my-back never made me feel like I couldn’t handle things on my own when I needed to, and that’s exactly the kind of relationship I hope to have with my partner, so that works out.
Yes! The transferring property thing is AWFUL.
I was married once before, (from 21-31 ugh) and when I met my now and forever husband, we were both not into marriage – which seemed great!
but a year, and some stressful life events, into our relationship I had this epiphany that YES I WANTED TO BE MARRIED TO THIS LOVELY MAN OMG WHAT WILL I DO. So I did what any sane person would do: burst into tears at our anniversary dinner and told him that I loved him so much and wanted to marry him.
It took a year for him to warm up to the idea, and then he proposed back to me, and we got married a year and a half ago. It’s been lovely.
(and we did a lovely, smallish wedding with 40 guests under a tent in my sister’s back yard and had such a blast)
Has anybody else been following the DFTBA/Youtuber sexual assualt / underage “relationship” allegations unfold as closely as I have? I’ve begun to lose my faith in humanity 🙁
I haven’t heard about this!! What’s the deal?
Here’s an article: http://www.dailydot.com/fandom/tom-milsom-underag…
Victim’s posts about Alex Day: http://erikalynae.tumblr.com/post/79384577696/i-f…
Posts about Tom Milsom: http://wealf.tumblr.com/post/79237570746
WARNING a lot of these are triggery.
Edd Blann http://celebreceipts.tumblr.com/post/57651717905/…
TW: rape, TW: assault
I’m really saddened and frustrated by everything I’ve read about Alex/Tom/Edd this week.
I’m also, for a different reason, REALLY frustrated that the conversation being put forward is “there is a sexual binary, it is either consent or rape, and that includes kissing someone who doesn’t want to be kissed, YOU RAPIST.”
Part of me wonders if I’m just old, and using outdated thinking.
The other part of me thinks “learning about how to communicate sexual boundaries is an important part of becoming an adult, and lots of young people screw this up — either by pressuring others or not knowing how to communicate when being pressured, or BOTH — and I’m really, really, really nervous about calling these types of learning experiences assault and rape.”
What are your thoughts?
I think a lot of this has to do with their position of power as males, and as youtube personalities. Whether rape is the correct word or not is not what I’ve been thinking about at all. Something terrible happened and I hadn’t been thinking about words to label it with really. I’ve been dwelling on the fact that these young guys (who’ve been idolized and turned into some kind of perfect ideal by girls just under the age of consent) use their power to emotionally manipulate the girls into places where they don’t know if they’re consenting or not (and legally can not consent in the US. Some of this happened in the UK and was around / just above / just below consenting age there). And the fact that some of the girls thought that they were in love / happy relationships, etc.
They were taking those girls’ trust and love for these larger than life people, taking that vulnerability, and exploiting it. That’s what I’ve been thinking about.
Yeah, that kind of behavior is absolutely not cool.
(Replying to myself to clarify that what I mean by “the conversation” isn’t referring to what Alex/Tom/Edd did, it’s referring to the discussion of consent that followed, and specifically to the model of consent put forward by the Nerdfighter Sexplanations videos.)
(Also that this is a wayyyyyyy complicated topic and full of shades of gray. But I don’t want any teenager to think “I assaulted someone, I am a horrible person” after, say, some typical teenage fumblings in the back of a car that don’t go past second base. Because that’s what I would have thought, when I was that age.)
what a rough week, eh? Anyone else drink too much wine last night and spend a few hours “boo hoo”ing to their romantic partner to get the angst out of the system? Anyone? Please?
So, this is TMI, but I drank some beer last night and between that and menstrual cramps I spent most of last night farting in bed, sometimes on my romantic partner. Sometimes I think it’s a miracle that he still loves me, in spite of constant partner farting.
So I definitely used to be one of those girls that never wanted to acknowledge bodily functions around a guy, and now I am just farting constantly and while I feel free, I’m not sure if it’s any better.
I just heard Terry Gross talking about farting on Fresh Air and now i just want to talk about farting with EVERYONE. (Thank you for bringing it up. no shame.)
I HAD THE WORST FARTING DAY YESTERDAY. Too many drinks and BBQ spiced tater tots, probably. I saw the lego movie and that cheered me up so much! I’m very lucky that my roommate (non-romantic partner in crime) puts up with me. And he changed the air filter and everything too!
I bitched about work and listened to people bitch about work with people from my last job. They kept telling me that I was awesome and they wished they could have hired me. It was very affirming.
Replace “wine” with “cheap bourbon” and “romantic partner” with “mom” and– ugh, what is my life right now?
It was a ROUGH WEEK. I am looking forward to meeting up with my friend the wine bottle right after work.
I drank a moderate but probably inadvisable amount of wine and angsted to a work superior about my boss, so you’re probably ahead of me! In my defense, they insisted on having the conversation at a place with free wine.
I definitely took to my bed and cried on my partner’s shoulder because it was all too much, like a kid at a birthday party that got too exciting. Because apparently I am a broken monster of a person who cannot even be made happy by good news.
So, yeah.
No, but that sounds like a plan! I feel like I’m due for one of those…
Good God that looks delicious.
This week was pretty blah, but then yesterday I had a good hair day and my parents invited me over for a corned beef and cabbage dinner; we’re not Irish, we just appreciate good food. And it really was good food – my dad is a master of the slow cooker, and my mom made Irish soda bread from scratch that we ate fresh from the oven.
oh and also Perfect Human Gillian Anderson gave an interview where she mentioned something funny that someone had said on Twitter, and that someone was me.
So now I am dead of happiness, but at least I left behind a corpse with good hair.
how are you able to sit at the computer after knowing that Gillian Anderson thinks you’re funny on twitter? you have superhuman control.
it’s not easy, let me tell you
superhuman = corpse with good hair?
That is SO GOOD!!!
What did you say that she quoted??
This is the tweet: https://twitter.com/logicbutton/status/4421632753…
It got RT’d by Bryan Fuller, one of the executive producers of Hannibal, which is why it got so much attention – that is definitely not representative of my usual fave count.
Anyway, she mentioned it offhand at around 13:20 here: http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/gillian-… Not by name, but that was definitely the tweet she was talking about.
it is W A R M here in the bay area and i actually have a weekend afternoon off of work, so i think some park-lazing might be in order.
Yesterday was my 30th birthday! It was lovely as I went to work, and then was taken out for Ethiopian food and ice cream at my favorite ice cream place.. and it’s being followed by a work Pi Day celebration where there is a pie contest, so things are going swimmingly well. I’m just fighting this weird reaction where everyone else is like “why didn’t you say/do more for this milestone?” I don’t know guys, I got Ethiopian food, and I’m taking vacation time next week to go to LA to visit my BFF with my husband and then we’re probably going to then invite friends for drinks at another place the following week–I feel like this is a pretty damn self-indulgent series of celebrations?
Although we should probably send out that invite for drinks. Whoops. I just had this realization as I’m writing this out.
ETA: I am an idiot.
P.S. My gym does birthday shoutouts and they posted this great picture of me squatting. I enjoy it because I like to pretend that I was actually trying to hide behind the barbell and failed.
Nice squat!!
oh and happy birthday or whatever
hahaha thank you for focusing on important things, seriously. 😉
HOLY CREEPERS how much weight is that, you magnificent creature?
It’s 135 lbs, and I was doing that for 3 sets of 8 reps. 😀
[that’s a lot of reps for me, usually I do 3 sets of 3-5 at a higher weight]
Happy birthday! I turned 30 three months ago, and it has been a pretty awesome year so far, so anecdotally, you are in for good things!
Happy birthday!
Thank you!
Happy birthday! Your celebrations sound really great, and if you feel like having more, that’s not self-indulgent: it’s just fun. Here’s hoping your LA visit is wonderful!
Happy belated! Good job coming outta there around Pi Day. Good job indeed.
I know right! My mom did an excellent job (as did I, waiting 13 days after the estimated due date.) ;D
Thanks!
Happy post-birthday, ‘Firie!
And congrats on your awesome squat!
Thank you! 😀
I’m turning 30 next Tuesday! I’m being alone all day and then doing stuff with friends later in the week.
No one need tell you how to celebrate milestones. It’s your fucking milestone. Just do it how you want to do it!
So, I am not prepared to reveal the details or, y’know, actual facts of this yet, but: I got some exciting news this week, and with hard work and a lot of luck, I hope to parley it into even more exciting news.
I hate being coy, and if this pans out, I’ll shout it from the rooftops. But in the meantime, I could really, really use some high-fives and all the “you can do it!” that you can spare. I knew Toasties would understand the need for discretion as well as the need for encouragement and celebration.
I’ve been using this gif a lot but it still apropos, damnit:
This is the best thing I’ve ever seen
This is always the best thing I’ve ever seen.
WHAT IS THIS FROM I MUST KNOW.
IT’S FROM MICHELLE OBAMA BEING AWESOME IS WHAT.
You are doing to knock ’em dead!
I’m a semi-lurker, but I so deeply love your comments on here and the longer writings of yours I’ve seen, the thought and care and compassion you bring to these little brief interactions. Even though we don’t know each other, I feel confident that whatever this thing is, you will make it even more amazing and nuanced and rich and complete than it would be were it done by somebody else. I hope the other people / forces involved in it are ready to meet you where you are!
Kate, that is so kind and encouraging and really really appreciated. Thank you, I’m quite touched and grateful.
Ugh, I know! Isn’t it the worst when you have great news but you can’t talk about it yet? I was just thinking this week how hard it must’ve been for the crew of Between Two Ferns after they knew Obama was going to be on but couldn’t tell anyone. Congrats on your opportunity!
THANK YOU ALL eeeeeeeeeeeek
I did tell one friend because A. between private conversations, a FB conversation, and some subtweeting not-as-discreet-as-you-think-y’all stuff on Twitter, she’d probably put everything together; B. she knows how to keep her sweet mouth shut. (She also reads The Toast, so if you’re seeing this, lady, thank you for the high fives; they have kept me going all week!)
Fingers & toesies crossed for super fun exciting rooftop yells ASAP.
WAY TO GO THUS FAR!
Also, you can totally do it, whatever it is! Way to be cautious about the possibility of jinxing! This is wise maneuvering and I salute it!
FRIENDS, FRIENDS, last week in the open thread I talked to @ohmygoshyouguys and @ginkgotree about making tiny food out of polymer clay and they gave me confidence and LOOK WHAT I MADE (link goes to a photoset of everything I’ve made so far).
I’m gonna embed the best one, too, it is a tiny poppyseed kolache and I’m so proud of it:
ahhhhhh tiny doughnut w/ sprinkles ahhhhhhhhh!
Oh my gosh! You guys, look at that stunning poppyseed kolache Elsajeni made!
TINY PEAR WITH A HAPPY FACE
AND FRECKLES!
Making tiny food out of polymer clay: Official Niche Hobby of the Toast
That’s so cool! Well done!
TINY FOOD! YESSSSSSSSS!
can this be the new Official Toast Hobby?
I’ve been at this new job for 3 months and I just found out that my boss is leaving. I was brought on to work on a project that he just started, and I’m the only other person besides him who’s on it…I’m pretty sure my job will survive, since they want the project to continue, but I was just starting to settle in! And I don’t deal well with instability!
New ink today! Now my back’s finished, where else do I want to be tattooed??
Whoa!! This is amazing!
Shit, dude! That looks awesome! How long did that take??
OMG. That is so beautiful.
Thankyou everyone! I love it. The new bit, the spiral in the middle top, was today’s and that took about an hour and a half. I did the scroll top right to bottom left first, that was 5 hours, then about 3 to do the bit up my left side, then about 4 to do the spiral on the lower back. So about 14 hours altogether on this one including the pony-head which isn’t really part of it but does go well.
I’ve got both sides of mt ribcage done too, so I think it might be legs next. I don’t really want to go down my arms but I might do some caps on my shoulders.
It’s so, so lovely. I’ve come back to look at your tattoo again because it’s so beautiful.
Thankyou! That has made me beam. I really love it.
ahh this is incredible. Love it.
Beautiful!! Does it has any specific meaning to you (if it’s not impertinent to ask), or is it just a gorgeous design?
It’s my own design – I can doodle like that for hours at a time, I used to cover all my school exercise books with that kind of pointy-swirly design, so when I decided I wanted to have large amounts of ink, I thought that as this is the kind of art I’ve been doing all my life, what better to cover myself in permanently! Luckily my artist isn’t precious about only doing his own designs, so has been fine with me doing the exact design, coming in and checking it all fits etc, and then I make any changes he suggests and then just doing it for me.
I really like that my body is now a showecase for my own art, it’s totally unique and all my own work.
It really is quite stunning! I love that it’s your own design!
That’s pretty damn sensational!
Good things that happened this week:
– I filed my taxes, all by myself! I am getting about $1100 back. GONNA BUY MYSELF A BRIEFCASE?!
– I bought two new plants: a jade plant named Farley Granger and a cactus/succulent combo called Louis Armstrong and His Hot Five. (I name everything. Please tell me if you would like something named.)
– I had to get two fillings fixed (I went to the dentist after four years a few weeks ago; no cavities! Just two cracked fillings!) and I almost died from the anxiety. My dentist was GREAT– she numbed the fuck out of my face. She’d start to do work, and if I felt uncomfortable, she’d numb me some more. Best part is that I drooled on myself all day.
– My boyfriend has been above and Beyonce the Greatest Dude to ever exist. For weeks, been talking about this “special present” he got me; it arrived yesterday and.. I hated it. His heart was in the right place– it was a crown, and I have a tattoo of the Basquiat crown— but it was made up of hearts and just way too girly and twee for me. I feigned a like for it, but eventually broke down and told him it wasn’t my style. (“I DON’T LIKE HEARTS!” I said, and instantly burst into tears.) He said he could tell by my reaction, and that he knew it was a gamble, and he’d be happy to send it back, and no, he’s not mad at all, and I’m not an ungrateful wench, and he’s glad I told him. He potted a plant for me that my roommate accidentally broke, and is making me my favorite dinner next week as a finally-going-to-the-dentist reward. I’ve been so floored by his patience and sweetness lately, and feel so fortunate and happy and lucky. It’s been a hard, dark winter for us both, and now that springtime and the sun are emerging, so are we from this funk.
(sorry whenever I talk about my boyfriend it’s like “LOL SILLY WHITE PERSON” so forgive me for gushing.)
So I am deliriously happy right now, and I would like to share some of it with you. Please! Tell me all the good things that have happened to you this week!
high-five to a fellow plant namer! 😀 all my orchids are named after celebrity power couples, haha (well, most). Speaking of which, I really ought to name my new mini phalaenopsis…
OMG WHAT ARE THEY.
I have three plants: the aforementioned two, and a spindly, weird looking one I named Peanut Butter. I generally name them after whatever comes to mind: I have also had Steve, who got eaten by a cat, and Miles Davis, who killed himself/died in a tragic wind accident (? autopsy was unclear)
Awww Miles Davis! so tragic. 🙁
I’ve got: Brangelina (phalaenopsis), The Beckhams (I THINK it’s a colmanara?), Mr. and Mrs. Beyoncé (cymbidium), and then there’s Wils, the Beckhams’ pool boy (a wilsonara – the label said Wils. Gay Spice ‘Pacific Pal’ so… it just seemed appropriate, haha.).
For a while I was trying to go all literary, but since both Gerlice B. Tokstein and Hélbelard died quite undignified deaths, I figure I should stick to a proper celebrity power couple for the next one!!
WILS THE BECKHAMS’ POOL BOY.
I love. You are brilliant. Maybe I should start with literary characters next. For a while I called my childhood teddy bear Atticus Finch. Can’t really go up from there, though.
Aw, so glad you’re having such a good week! High-five for getting your dental stuff done, and high-five for an attentive, patient dentist.
I have similar swoons over my partner, and I know what you mean about the gushing. As my sister said after seeing The Fella and me making silent reassuring eye contact at a stressful family dinner, “You know you make us all barf, right?” Yeah, well, that is a not-my-problem kinda problem, lady.
Right?! Like “LOL SORRY I GOT A MAN” is what I generally say to my sister, because I am an asshole. But thank you 🙂 So glad you are also in a Swo0o0o0oning mood as well!
Well, she means “sheesh, stop being so cute already,” and she even means it affectionately. But there’s only so many times I can hear it before the meaning “Stop being quietly happy with your partner, the brightest spot in your often-difficult life, your joy is bumming me out” becomes apparent.
Farley Granger is the best plant name. It might be the best anything name. We have three plants, one named Plant (but with English pronunciation) and a yucca named Heisenberg. Poor third plant has remained nameless for months, while we wait for inspiration.
I love love love yr names. Mine come to me totally randomly, but sometimes I will look at a list of Awful Pet Names or Weird Baby Names or Generals With Crazy Names list and pick from there.
So exciting! I’ve been dreaming for a while of getting a cactus/succulent combo but kept telling myself I’d put it off until we moved, but I’m beginning to think…maybe I’m ready?! (This is why I will never ever have kids; I can’t even commit to the proper time to get a plant.)
But while I’ve been dreaming about plants for weeks, I had the brilliant idea that I would send my husband a flower arrangement for his birthday this week, and he was so confused. Not because he didn’t like them, exactly, and not because of gender roles, but just because WHY did I do that. So I sympathize with your boyfriend. Sometimes we are terrible at gifts.
And to bring this full circle, while I was reflecting on my failure at gift-giving, he looked at me and said, “How would you feel about getting a cactus?” <3 <3 <3
You can buy cactus combos on Etsy!!! I almost bought some last paycheck but I was worried about the cold weather, but now.. I don’t know if I’ll be able to help myself. You can get multiples of the itty bitty ones, so if you fuck up one you still have six left. DO IT!!
I used to have a cactus named Andrei Arshavin because he was small and prickly, but I had to give him to a friend when I moved to Europe. I hope he’s OK.
oh goodness, that made me actually laugh out loud. A+ name choice.
the cat’s name is Klaas-Jan Huntelaar. I have a theme.
haha! what’s it like, living in a house full of footballers? 😛
HEY
SO
GUESS WHO QUIT
IF YOU GUESSED ME YOU ARE CORRECT
Congrats!
Niiiiiiice.
You did it! Congratulations!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
SO PROUD OF YOU
GURL.
Congratulations!!! You did it!
CONGRATULATIONS AND MAY ALL FUTURE VENTURES BRING YOU FORTUNE AND GREAT JOY!
ALL CAPS WOOOO
YAAAAYYYYYYYY! You are the bravest!
YESSSSSSS I OWE YOU A TEQUILA SHOT.
I will be spending my weekend #creating #content for everyone!
PLZ MORE BLACK SIMONS AND GARFUNKELS!
#CONTENT PARTY AT OUR #APARTMENT WHO’S COMIN
There is a DC Toasties meet-up this weekend! Trivia Night at Politics & Prose! I am excited and would like to go but am also sick, so it’s just going to be a matter of whether meeting undoubtedly awesome people (and there is talk of a grilled cheese special??) wins out over being on the couch with a snuggie and some cats. Either way it’s going to be a close call.
YESSSS COME EVERYONE! I can give rides to/from the metro. And there is definitely a grilled cheese special! I hope you feel well enough to come!
HEEEELLLLP MEEEEEEEE!!!!!
This week is sucking my will to live.
I have a sinus infection so painful that I haven’t gotten more than 3 hours of sleep any night this week. In fact, for two nights in a row, I’ve laid awake the ENTIRE night. All this while juggling multiple crazy projects at work.
Do any other Toasties have similar sinus issues and what do you do for them? I really don’t want to go on antibiotics. I’m coping with NyQuil Sinex daytime and nighttime liquigels, but wonder if there’s anything else I could be doing. Don’t say antibiotics. 🙁
On a lighter note, my boss, who is apprized of my situation, told me today is World Sleep Day. I asked her if I should go home to celebrate.
Ugh, sinuses are the worst. Have you tried neti-poting? It really helps clear gunk outta there. Definitely not antibiotics, absolutely resist those unless you absolutely have to. Maybe try an ENT (ear nose throat) Dr? When I had months of terrible sinus infections my regular doctor just put me on more antibiotics, which did not help. When I finally went to an ENT she told me to neti-pot and she even gave me a prescription asthma medicine (probably steroids?) to put in the pot to help really get the gunk out.
Now when I feel sinus issues come on I neti-pot, gargle with saltwater or vinegar or something, and try to take ibuprogen and mucinex. I also had a steroid nose spray for a while. But of all those things the neti-pot is probably the best.
…This is the most I’ve ever written neti-pot in my entire life.
I think I have a neti pot in my closet that I’d forgotten about. I’ll try gargling too.
I use a Rx nose spray daily, along with zyrtec.
Looks like I have a weekend project. Thanks for the tips.
I will second the neti-pot! Initially gross, but really worth it. Caution: do not make the water too salty, if you mix your own, or it will feel like many small knives in your sinuses. It helps a lot, much more than I was ever expecting it would. Also agreeing with the ibuprofen for sure. I also like to just camp out on the bathroom floor, door closed, with the shower on the hottest setting imaginable to create my own steam room.
I have never really had sinus problems before, but I have been laid out by a cold all week which has included crazy burning and stinging of the sinuses in my soft palate?! I didn’t even know I had sinuses there until this week.
Ugh, how miserable. My sinus infections are so frequently recurring that the doc eventually suggested we reserve antibiotics for the very worst episodes (which, I’m sorry to say, sounds very much like what you’re reporting). I haven’t tried neti potting yet, but in addition to the direct methods like that, I get some relief from indirect treatments like cups and cups of hot tea or hot water and lemon, gargling a salt solution (for the accompanying sore throat), and sitting in a hot bath and breathing in the steam (which is pretty awful for my skin but totally worth it).
I don’t know if this is relevant to you; indeed, I don’t even know if it’s significant or just coincidental, but: when I had long-overdue oral surgery to remove an upper wisdom tooth, both my migraines and my sinus infections became much less painful.
Yes to cups and cups of tea. I think I’ll try a hot bath this weekend, which sounds rather relaxing.
Are you taking Mucinex or Sudafed D? The D is the most important part. It’s the stuff you get behind the counter (non-prescription, but you have to show your ID), it contains pseudoephedrine, and it is the ONLY cold medicine that will actually knock the snot right out of your face. None of this phenylephrine bullshit, which doesn’t really work.
I have to say, sometimes with sinus infections… antibiotics are going to be the answer. But hopefully you can use pseudoephedrine and saline rinses and hot showers and laying on the opposite side of the congestion etc to clear it out enough to heal on its own — good luck!!
Hmmm, I may have to pick up some Sudafed D. In the past, Sudafed has made me nauseated when I’ve taken it, but at this point, I’m a bit desperate for something to work. Thanks!
I’ll second the Mucinex-D rec. It’s a little scary (the name is scary!) but it works so, so well, and quickly, too.
🙁 🙁 Ugh, I’m sorry. Sinus infections are the worst. I recently had to look up natural antibiotics when I got sick while my health insurance was pending and found out that garlic is actually AMAZING and SUPER antibiotic. Mince up two raw cloves and either drink them in a glass of warm water or spread them on a bagel/toast (ha) and consume 2x a day at least. Seriously, I’ve always side-eyed this hippie stuff but I could feel it working. That, sleep, and zinc supplements got me back to health faster than my boyfriend who was on antibiotics.
It’s funny you mention garlic. The other night (while laying awake in pain) I started thinking about natural remedies and garlic popped into my head. I know people use it a lot for a number of ailments, but I haven’t yet given it a try. I think I’ll be incorporating raw garlic goodness into my dinner this evening.
Seconding all the neti-pot advice. Also, as someone who used to suffer frequent sinus infections: ADVIL COLD AND SINUS. It is my jam. You have to show ID when you buy it so they know if you start a meth lab, but it’s so so good. It’s the only medication that makes me feel better when I have sinus issues, and because there’s caffeine in it it helps keep you alert. I stock up every winter!
Unfortunately, sinus infections can be caused by either bacteria or viruses, and if it does not clear up and your symptoms do not alleviate, it’s likely the former and so you should then get antibiotics. I had a particularly nasty sinus infection in high school that became systemic, making me vomit as well as too dizzy to walk.
I once cured a sinus infection with a Three Wisemen shot (whiskey edition). I mean I had been sick for over three weeks by that point so it was probably on its way out anyway, but the whiskey honestly fixed my breathing INSTANTLY. If nothing else, you’ll feel better.
Also seconding supernintendo about the garlic! If you don’t finish a head within the week, you’re not eating enough garlic.
Whiskey was Grandma Jinx’s cure-all and she lived to be a (relatively) hale-and-hearty 97.
Sudafed will help you clear it out if you can’t go the antibiotics route. Ginger, spices, pepper, anything that will help you breathe better. As for the pain, drug that shit up with tylenol or whatever works for you (just doublecheck the amounts in any of the other medicines you’re taking so you aren’t taking scary doses.)
As for getting to sleep: you might try benadryl/unisom? I use that when I’m having trouble sleeping. Don’t mix it with alcohol, and you may very well be a little drowsy the next day (best to take it at least a full 8 hours before you have to get up, if not 9). I often find it to better to sleep even if I’m drowsy the next day, but you may not agree.
I am so sorry you are in pain. With sinus trouble, I sleep best in a recliner. Sometimes, I sleep sitting up in a non-reclining overstuffed chair, with lots of pillows propping me up. Half a shot of hard liquor (I love me some bourbon) opens my airways just long enough to fall asleep. Of course, I’m stuffed up again as soon as I metabolize the alcohol, but if I’m asleep by then, all’s well. Feel better, ohmygoshyouguys.
You’re right on with the sitting up business. I prop my head up on two giant pillows, but haven’t tried sleeping in a chair yet. It might come to that though. I’m fairly certain I could fall asleep at my desk at work at the drop of a hat but when I’m in my comfy warm bed, nope, nope, nope.
I find that putting hot compresses on my face helps- the heat feels good plus sometimes it melts things and helps with the draining. You could put a drop of eucalyptus oil on it too.
Mucinex is great for keeping crap out of your lungs, less awesome from a straight sinus deal (at least for me). If you take it, drink all the water/ liquids so that it actually works. Sudafed (the real stuff) does crazy things to my heart rate- I’ve actually had better luck with the 12 hour because it seems like it hits my bloodstream differently than the standard 4-6 hour stuff.
Hope you feel better! Sinus infections always make me grumpy (in an aggressive, wanting to beat people up kind of way- I am a DELIGHT with a sinus infection).
You guys all made me really happy yesterday!
One of the books I’m writing about for work is called Carnal Curiosity. That is what is happening in my world right now. Curiosity of the carnal variety.
I once edited a book by the author of “Sex in Middlesex” (a social history of Puritan Boston and environs)
Sadly, the book I edited was not nearly as steamy.
I’m going to a poetry reading/book release in my old college English department this weekend. I’ve been trying to go to more of those types of events.
Total nightmare of a week tbh. There is hope in the pipeline, though. And lil Dimples came out of her “I don’t like you I like daddy” phase to start saying “I LOVE you, Mama!” and giving me giant hugs. Adorable.
sending love to you berg!! <3 <3
we love you very very very much
Good job, Dimples! Way to step it up.
Why are the BBs crying this week?
Diva threw a plate of sandwich across the kitchen because I didn’t cut the “top crumbs” off (the crust at the top)… Dude cries almost every day that he wants to stay in his PJs… Dimples last night because she was still eating dinner and missed out on helping give the dog a bath.
Dude should sleep in his clothes for the next day. I think mine were maybe 2-3 when I started doing this with them, and it was such a good thing. Sure, they’re a little wrinkled, but I never cared about that, as long as they were warm enough.
(My sons still sleep in jeans sometimes. Boys are odd.)
Then you save the fun jammies for weekend nights or whatever nights it won’t matter if he’s in them for hours the next day.
/unsolictedparentingadvice
Dude, I also understand wanting to stay in PJs all day. It’ll be okay, little man.
<3 u bergie
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who shared your “how we met” stories with me in the OK Cupid Horror Stories thread the other day! I really enjoyed reading about all the various (sometimes funny) ways people connected with their significant other (and if anyone else wants to share feel free, I never get tired of reading about them). I am now somewhat more encouraged in my own search, so I appreciate it 🙂
Can I tell the story of how my best friend met her husband?
On her birthday a few years ago, I took her to a ballroom dancing place that had Friday night social dancing parties. Neither of us had been there before, and we took a beginners’ lesson at the start of the party. They had TA’s at the lesson to help newbies out, and one of the guy TA’s was really nice to both of us. Once the party started, he kept asking her to dance (me too, but not as much). We fell in love with ballroom dance and the studio, so we kept coming back and they kept dancing together on Fridays. 2 months ago, they got married!
Awww I love that story, thanks for sharing! I’ve been meaning to try ballroom dancing classes (or maybe salsa or something like that), so I am taking this as a sign that I should definitely do it, my natural-born clumsiness be damned.
Like most solid, successful, romantic relationships start: we were drunk. I could’ve very well been a one-night stand. We were in college, met up in the student center for our first real, in-depth chat about (?? will never know), teetered back to my apartment (with half of my friends watching from afar), and did the deed. He stayed over, made me breakfast, and an hour later I threw it up. It was magical.
Oh, here you go: Scott and I were on our college’s newspaper together when he was the head layout editor and a fifth year senior and I was the arts & entertainment editor and a freshman. I didn’t like him at all, and he felt the same way about me; I thought he was too loud and opinionated and abrasive, and he thought I was a pseudo-intellectual hipster, which is probably about as bad. We started getting along over time and eventually became fairly close friends. Then we dated. Then we got married. THE END.
I’ll tell mine, although it’s kind of a long and roundabout story. So, I was on study abroad the summer after my junior year of college (in Spain, I was a Spanish lit major) and he was in the same group from our school that went. I…did not actually realize he was in the same group as me (he’s introverted and there were a few too many strangers for him) until one night we all went out to a bar and my reaction was basically “who is that“.
Which is when I decided I absolutely had to have sex with him.
That did not work out (one awkward person hitting on another awkward person is generally not a sexy time) but we became really good friends (I found out later he had a huge crush on me the whole time, but just didn’t grasp that I was into him). I remember thinking at this point that I really wanted to date him, but if I didn’t I could get a great best friend of out this. That summer eventually ended with him offering to drive me home (after we had landed back in the US) despite the fact that I lived at least 2 hours away from him (and 4 hours from the airport). I then left the country for a few months before graduating early and moving to NYC.
During the time I was away we messaged online constantly and so when I was back in the US I invited myself over to his place so we could “watch paranormal activity” (I loathe scary movies and there was no reason why I needed to take a bus to his place to watch it with him, but that was my excuse). Anyway we started hooking up on a semi regular basis, and eventually admitted that we were each head over heals for each other which is about when my school told me they totally screwed up something in my transcript and I would have to come back for one final semester.
Since then we have been in an out of the same state, lived together for 9 months, moved apart again (he was unemployed and an out of state friend offered him a job), and are now separate (but still dating) while he builds his resume to try and move back to new york with me. It’s kind of a mess but I’m really happy.
I have one of the weirder ones. A friend of mine ran this sort of knighthood training camp (exactly as dorky as it sounds) and I helped him run it when I was younger, and his protege and I fell in love, and our friend got very angry about it and brought down the emotional manipulation hardcore, and many other things happened and by the end of it my partner was pretty fucked up and distanced himself from literally everyone in his life, including me, because of trust issues.
I was brokenhearted and had a really hard time letting go, because we were amazing together, but six years later we came around again, and became friends, and then lovers, and then I went away for four months and we talked a lot on Skype, and he had this strange moment where he got jealous of me dating someone else and said, “I figured I could hold a grudge and feel betrayed and angry or I could just ask you to be my actual girlfriend and be happy. So, um, do you want to be together? Officially?”
I said yes, and asked him if he wanted to take the place of a friend who had bailed on a long-planned trip to Disneyworld. So he came to Disneyworld with me and my two married friends, and we all got along like gangbusters and it was corny and romantic and hilarious, and we sat around on Pleasure Island and shared a cigar and drank scotch and talked for hours, and there were literal fireworks, and it was spectacular. And now we see those friends every other week and play Settlers of Catan with them and do puzzles, and in between we are very happy. The end.
Tonight I bake soda bread and tomorrow I make steak and Guinness pie as is my St. Patrick’s Day tradition. Sunday I’m going to ASOIAF trivia in Brooklyn. I really hope there’s a question about Valyrian steel blades because I AM ON IT.
I have a serious case of the blahs and I have no idea how to get rid of it. Sigh.
I’m sorry about your blahs-This always makes me feel better
Thank you, that video made me laugh!
Would Sam Rockwell dancing help? No? How about Bjork?
That Bjork video was my favourite when it was released, thank you! I love watching people dancing, this reminds me I need to go watch my favourites again. Where the hell is Matt? got me through some tough times in 2008.
http://metro.co.uk/2014/03/12/bet-loser-forced-to…
THIS IS GREAT
this is DELIGHTFUL, omg.
That was wonderful, thank you!
Amazing.
This usually helps me: http://calmingmanatee.com. I don’t recommend it if you’re upset about manatees though.
Awww, so cute! Bookmarked, thank you!
Going camping in Idyllwild in a couple weeks!!! Woohoo! Anyone ever been up there? I’m a little worried it’s going to be really cold at night…
I went to Idyllwild once a few years back (I think it was in January), and I remember it being quite cold!
I went camping there once in October and yes, ’tis cold. BUT BEAUTIFUL!
someone down the street has construction workers that are starting work at seven A.M. Like, I am basically awake by that time anyway, but what the frick frack flim flam FUCK NO. Those poor workers, too!
Who else is planning to make pie tonight for pi day?
Any suggestions as to what kind of pie I should make?
I just had some Key lime pie, and recommend it highly. (Except for the cost and hassle of Key limes. OK, I guess I suggest making apple or cherry.)
Have done this with regular limes, works totally okay. Do not do what I did and attempt it without a citrus press, though.
My stepmom swears by her garlic press for key lime pressing. I own zero garlic presses, so I can’t speak from personal experience, but she now has a dedicated garlic press just for key limes so I’m guessing it works pretty well.
Pumpkin. Chocolate tart. Pecan. Any sort of custard.
I recently had a piece of a ridiculously sweet pecan pie with cranberries and white baking chips. It was really good, except that it needed more cranberries to cut the sweetness. And maybe actual white chocolate. And also I am not the person who made it, so I have no idea where the recipe was from.
Strawberry rhubarb!
I have a strawberry-rhubarb in the oven right now!
Are there any Munich based Toasties here? I will be there for a few weeks over the summer, and would much appreciate it if someone would let me ask them a question or two!
This weekend I am continuing my re-watch of Season 6 of Mad Men…for no good reason I stopped watching it in the middle last year and now I need to catch up before Season 7. I had forgotten how much I L-O-V-E Peggy and just want to be her, professionally speaking, and without the coworker’s baby amnesia thing.
Also today I was in a mood to listen to some Gene Kelly, since I keep hearing “Good Morning!” on that car commercial. I’ve been at my job for nearly a year and so far had managed to hide my love of post-war MGM musicals but not anymore – everyone is gonna get an earful of Singin in the Rain and Brigadoon and An American in Paris and they’re gonna like it!
I’ve never watched Mad Men, but if you’re a big Elisabeth Moss fan, New York mag did a great feature about her last week! (I work there. Been staring at her face on our walls all week. Not bad.)
YES! I did see that, it was one of the things that convinced me to get the season on iTunes and rewatch it 🙂
TOTALLY supportive of Gene Kelly workplace infiltration! I’ve been watching all the musicals from “That’s Entertainment”… he’s just so spectacular.
Thank you for including that gif. That dance move in “American in Paris” always makes me laugh!
I was cleaning out my inbox and only JUST NOW saw the GIF you included, so much perfection, thank you.
Friends, because my recent tooth extractions have taken away 75% of my food-chewing surface area, I need some mushy, vegetarian, not too acidic/spicy, proteinous (that’s a word I have willed into existence) food options. Getting sick of overnight oats, mashed bananas in Greek yogurt, and Turkish red lentil soup. Please help!
Mashed potatoes? My favorite food. Can dress up with cheese, finely shaved bacon, etc.
Refried beans?
In this vein, J Kenji Lopez-Alt’s mashed white beans with cheese. Made them this week, so awesome, mmmmm. Also as someone with teeth of chalk and two root canals/one extraction in three years, my heart goes out.
Horrible recommendation for someone tired of lentil soup, but if you need a different lentil soup, Heidi Swanson’s Green Lentil Soup with Curried Brown Butter is so good.
Hummus and risotto (not in the same dish, probably)?
Roasted Carrot soup. http://food52.com/recipes/9743-roasted-carrot-sou…
I can answer this one, having nursed someone through 4 jaw bone transplant operations, oy vey!
–a soft gooey camembert with roasted red peppers (they are extremely soft as well – you can buy them in jars). Combine and eat.
–mashed avocados with olive oil and salt. a little lemon juice too if it doesn’t bother you. shrimp for protein if you eat them.
–peanut butter, banana, and milk whirled together in a blender. add chia seeds for more protein, and a fruit like blueberries if you like.
–boil and mash root vegetables into a puree, add cottage cheese and a little milk or buttermilk and plenty of salt. this is bizarrely delicious, especially with turnips. Also potatoes.
–alternately, boil and mash root vegetables into a puree and combine with almond meal (available at trader joe’s) or ground walnuts and olive oil and salt & pepper. this is good with celery root, rutabaga, parsnips, all sorts of things.
You could steam some veggies until very soft and then smother them with cheese!
Pudding? You might have to make it yourself to get pudding with enough milk to be proteinous, though.
I always add peanut butter to my oatmeal, so you could try that to make your oats slightly different and also more proteinous.
Also, mashed potatoes with cheese. Grate the cheese into the mashed potatoes while they’re hot, and stir it in so it gets kind of melty.
Finally, maybe just go to the supermarket and look at the soup aisle. Even if the good looking options turn out to have non-vegetarian broth, they might give you ideas for soup you could make. (If you have a yuppie organic-ish grocery store nearby, it’s been my experience that they’ll have more vegetarian/vegan options, but you probably already knew that.)
When I had my wisdom teeth out I drank a lot of smoothies with peanut butter. The peanut butter adds protein and you can switch from fruit smothes to chocolate milk smothies with protein for when you want desert! Also soups, you can make gazpacho (just, without any peppers), you can make pea soup (I hate pea soup but my sister loves it and drank it when she was having tooth issues) and maybe blend hot dogs in (ugh that sounds gross but I guess it could work?).
After my oral surgery, I ate:
– a lot a lot a lot of refried beans with cheese or sour cream or superripe avocadoes
– soft-boiled or poached eggs
– homemade pea soup
– that Goya brand black bean soup, some of it pureed, some of it just cooked until it got all silky-soft
– black beans with eggs [self-link]
– creamed spinach, storebought spinach soufflé
– overcooked mac & cheese
– and several dishes of saag paneer (though perhaps that’s too spicy for you at the moment)
I also ate lots of pudding and applesauce and popsicles and mashed potatoes with various things mixed in, but mostly I was craving protein and savories and green vegetables.
I made saag paneer THE NIGHT BEFORE my extractions and it was so so delicious and I had to give my share of the leftovers to my husband, because it was just too spicy (too much ginger, garlic & serrano pepper). It was so sad.
Also, for anybody else who finds themselves in a similar situation: MAKE JOOK. Or okayu or congee or whatever you want to call it. Here is a good recipe. It is what I am having for dinner tonight.
Oh, what a good idea. I might have that for dinner myself.
OH RIGHT, here was the stupidly simple thing that made mac & cheese (not even delicious homemade mac & cheese, just frozen blocks of the stuff) one of my mainstays: I’d microwave it according to the directions, then a bit more to really soften the pasta. This always resulted in a searingly hot tray of bubbling cheese and pasta. Then I’d dump in a giant handful of frozen spinach and stir everything, then let it sit 2-3 minutes until the spinach thawed and the pasta was just warm.
It was a great way to get some green vegetables into what had been a very starchy, fatty regimen, and also a great way to make something fast before the drugs I was loaded with distracted me from the very idea of food. The mac & cheese instructions always read “let sit for [x] minutes,” but if I’d walked away, I would never have remembered that food was sitting there waiting for me.
wilted spinach and garlic with white beans!
Oh, that sounds yummy. I think I even have a recipe for that, as stuffing for a roasted sweet potato. Which would also be pretty mushy, come to think of it.
THANK YOU, TOASTIES!
This was apparently the week of calling hearyoume because you’re mad at the world and you need someone to yell at. No matter if she has literally no power to help you, or if none of this was her fault – she’s a great verbal punching bag!
I haven’t cried, though, and we’re at 1pm on Friday. So I just might make it through the week after all.
Aw, that’s awful! I’m so sorry. Good work making it through this tough week.
Is anyone else playing Titanfall? So fun! The game really goes out of its way to make itself enjoyable to people like me who are not great at FPSes. The combo of “automatic ejection” and “nuclear ejection” on my Titan makes it so much fun to run directly at the opposing Titans right when my Titan is super low on health.
In less empowering news, I cried in the basement yesterday because I have a super bad cold and the pilot light on the burner went out so there was no heat and I could not for the life of me figure out how to fix it. Even with the directions and a youtube how-to video. I had to wait under the covers of my bed, draped in cats, for my boyfriend to come home and fix it. At least he reassured me that even knowing how to do it and having done it before, relighting the pilot on the boiler was next to impossible.
I’m in need of some Toastie advice this weekend. Boyfriend and I are going to his parents for his mom’s birthday. Yay! This is the first time I am meeting them (We have been dating about a year. I believe he will rightly praise the Goddess when The Revolution comes). ANYWAY, I have been warned that extended family is likely to ask when I will get pregnant. I have no experience with dealing with these questions as my family does not do that. What are some good responses for me/him? I really want to be snarky, but that is probably not the best way to handle it. I just need something to convey “Hey! That is personal and rude.” and to make them change topics, but still like me (maybe?). Also, do you have any good conversation topics and advice on how to be delightful while freezing??
Most important, how to be delightful while freezing: stock up on good socks, and hand/feet-warmers. Over-pack on outerwear. How many socks did you pack? Pack more.
I have no polite ways to respond to “when are you getting pregnant” because it is an inherently rude question. One of my favorite ways to deal with things is with humor, so making a joke about it (“We’ll have a kid when they go on sale” etc) is probably how I’d go. Other than that, maybe just saying something like “What a personal question!” in a polite tone of voice, then changing the subject? Ugh, good luck, people who ask about strangers’ reproductive habits need to get set on fire.
Conversation topics: asking about local history, boyfriend’s childhood, favorite hobbies/recipes, what are you reading these days?
Good luck!
Being delightful while freezing is flat-out impossible for me, so this winter after being freezing-bitchy for the whole week of Thanksgiving at my boyfriend’s parents’ house, I decided to attack the cold head-on.
I invested in a four-pack of thick wool socks (I went with the Costco Kirkland brand on Amazon) and silk long underwear (LL Bean), and it’s been amazing. I had no idea what a difference wool socks would make. I think my feet have just always been cold and I never knew it. I’m a bit sensitive to wool, so I just wear them over a pair of regular socks. Silk long underwear is more of an investment, but is super lightweight so it can be worn under anything (I’ve worn it under leggings) and makes a HUGE difference.
Socks and long underwear are helpful both inside and outside, but for outside cold weather I also recommend earmuffs (apparently only available from Macy’s, my boyfriend shopped at something like 20 stores). Before earmuffs, my ears were always cold, but I was too stubborn to mess up my hair with a hat.
Preach the gospel of long underwear!
I think a sort of light laugh and something like “That’s a decision that I’m definitely going to leave for the future! I’m just not really prepared to even talk about that right now, but I’ll let you know if we start thinking about it.”
As shitty as qualifiers are, they could be helpful in this situation.
UGH THE COLD NEEDS TO BE OVER i have no advice for delightful/freezing balance.
“Just as soon as we get around to it!”
[Breezily] “As soon as I get this IUD out!”
“Come to the bathroom with me and help with the extraction.”
“How’s your gag reflex? …Wait, where are you going”
I recommend. “Wow.” + Change subject. My husband is a ninja at this, but I think the key is having something in your pocket you know the other person will really love talking about. Maybe if they’re an enthusiastic parent: “Wow. How old were you when you had your kids?” and keep them talking about themselves until the subject is exhausted. (Potential topics: Timing, spacing of siblings, did they get along as kids? Ideally this leads to telling embarrassing childhood stories about your boyfriend, and everyone forgets the original question.)
If you want to work less hard, “Wow, that’s really personal!” and move on, but I am very non-combative and would have a hard time saying that to my boyfriend’s family at first meeting. It’s totally a valid response, though.
And now I’m picturing doge speaking to clueless strangers about rude questions and feel much better.
so pry! such insensitive! much rude! so personal! wow.
“Wow” is the best word, is what I’m saying.
Perfect – when people ask anything personal this is now my official answer
How about, “Who knows! [beat] So what do you think about that Malaysian Airlines plane that went missing? How crazy is that?!?”
HOW IS THIS NOT THE ONLY THING ANYONE IS TALKING ABOUT AT ALL TIMES is what I want to know.
So, this morning I saw a string of “missing plane” jokes on Twitter (from people who aren’t usually mockers-of-misery) and thought “WHOA, so that plane must’ve been miraculously found safe and sound overnight or surely they wouldn’t be cracking wise!”
But apparently not, and everybody (on Twitter) is the worst, which should not be news to me but I guess it still is.
I am alternating between gawking at the Professional Pilot Rumor Network like the worst rubber-necker and having periods of extreme and paralyzing empathy for the poor people on that plane. This involves too much reading of Wikipedia on other major jet disasters.
I hope, for the passengers’ sake, that it ends up being depressurization/hypoxia. That seems like the least horrifying and quickest way to go, of all the horrible options. Or that the plane was stolen and they’re all alive somewhere! But I have the feeling that if terrorists stole the plane, it would not end well for the people on board.
Ok I am sad about the plane and really scared for when they do find it but damn if it isn’t a great reminder of how giant our planet really is. It feels nice to remember that sometimes, I guess?
SERIOUSLY, THIS IS THE ONLY TOPIC ANYONE SHOULD BE DISCUSSING RIGHT NOW.
(How do you lose a plane? How??)
I think someone on here might’ve tipped me off to “You’ll be the first to know!” Which, obviously they aren’t going to be the first to know, so maybe they should stfu, is the work you’re hoping their brain does.
Not helpful in your situation, I know, but here’s where my evil little mind is going:
“When will I get pregnant? Could you explain exactly how that’s supposed to happen, please?”
-or-
“When will I get pregnant? Who do you think should be the father?”
I like you a lot.
Awww! I like you too. And now I’m blushing.
Eh. I mean, it is kind of rude, but you can deliver it nicely: “I’m sure we’ll tell you the very instant we’re ready to let you know.”
My stock answer is, “I’m holding out for uterine replicators” but that really works best among people who aren’t very invested in the outcome.
I invoked the spirit of Mike Dang and started a Mint account! I am still learning but it’s making me much more conscious of my spending, which is important, I think. We’ll see how it works.
I read somewhere that using software like Mint voids the fraud protection clauses of credit card agreements – maybe something to look into? It might have been on the Billfold?
That’s good to know! I don’t have any credit cards but I should probably get one, and I’ll keep it in mind in the future. Thanks!
Not to be a scare monger! But I had my credit card compromised twice, and I live in fear that it will happen again and the bank will find some reason to hold me liable
Check with your bank. In Canada they try to say you’ll void your agreement but if you read carefully you’re covered. They just want you to use their proprietary budget thing which sucks.
I stopped using Mint because I had to do several workarounds for it to interpret joint accounts and rent. I also got tired of it warning me I was spending $600 a month on food when I am buying food for two people, one of whom eats three times as much as the other. I want to try YNAB next.
I use YNAB! I highly recommend it!
Though if your joint accounts are for separate things from your non-joint accounts (which seems likely), then in YNAB I think you have to either do a little extra work or keep them in a different budget file. I don’t have any joint accounts, but from using YNAB for just me, it seems like having two budget files would be simpler. And also it would let you use sharing for the joint budget and not for the non-joint budget.
Yes we have a weird system where one of my credit cards (the cash back one) is for groceries and joint expenses but is in my name and I pay myself out of the joint account and we have joint and separate savings and maybe I should just do this all manually in a spreadsheet.
Oh, I don’t think that would be too hard. Set up two budgets, put the joint expenses card and the joint savings and stuff all in the joint budget, and so long as you know what expenses go in which budget you’ll be fine.
YNAB does have a lengthy free trial, so you could see if it works before you commit.
Good to know. We’re in the process of switching banks so right now my budget strategy is “Take out cash and spend as little of it as possible” which is not actually a bad strategy.
Yeah, I had to quit Mint for almost the same reason. It just kept thinking I should be spending less on literally every single thing. It was so dumb, and it made me feel weird about my financial data.
For those interested in follow-up from last week’s open thread — I chatted with my virginity-loss buddy, we agreed that friendship is A+ the most important and we don’t want to date BUT we super want to have sex again, so a sex weekend is in my future! Thanks to everyone who advised!
My weekend: VM movie, chores, hopefully a lot of wine, praying for warm weather to stay. Canada weather, WHAT ARE YOU.
High-five for communicating like real humans! I wish I’d been capable of that when I started my sexual adventures; it would have made life much more pleasant and delicious.
I had to freak out about it a LOT first, but I laid out my feelings and concerns for a couple friends who know us both well, and both of them said, “Call him on the phone and tell him exactly what you just told us.” I kind of bristled at the idea of an actual phone (“PHONE CALLS ARE NOT CASUAL.”) but both of them were so sure it was the right thing to do, and lo and behold, they were totally right.
Friends are so wise, omg! Communication is amazing! I’m just now learning how to adult!
Also for all you East Coastie Toasties, my friend posted this National Weather Service alert which we Californians are all laughing about:
“WE SOMETIMES SAY THE FORECAST HAS SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE. I THINK WE CAN TAKE THAT LITERALLY AT THE MOMENT . . . AS THIS FORECAST HAS ALMOST EVERY POSSIBLE WEATHER TYPE/HAZARD . . . IN THE FIRST 36 HOURS. STRONG TO SEVERE STORMS . . . SNOW . . . WIND CHILLS. . . STRONG WINDS . . . UNSEASONABLY WARM TEMPS . . . UNSEASONABLY COLD TEMPS . . . POTENTIAL FIRE WEATHER CONCERNS . . . MINOR COASTAL FLOOD POTENTIAL . . . THERE IS NOT MUCH LEFT.”
That is AMAZING. I think the NWS is getting a little punchy. Good luck, Cali.
that is for y’all easterners! We’re just hanging out in the upper 60s low 70s nbd….
OH. Gotcha.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
Hahahaha, link please?
ETA: nevermind, found it!
Is anybody here interested in a spousal/SO/FWB/whatever-non-label-cool-person-you-feel-like appreciation thread?
My wife is seriously awesome. On top of being hilarious and smart and an amazing baker (like no joke, she’s crazy good at it), she’s incredibly supportive. I had some rough family stuff last week, and she really helped me figure out what I was feeling, and how to communicate what I needed to with the people I needed to say it to (we are not the most communicative family), and she’s just amazing and I love her like nobody’s business, and she makes my life better everyday.
And seriously her baking. Like. For real.
UM YES. I sort of already blathered about mine, but basically, my boyfriend has been stupidly helpful and sweet and kind and patient and understanding and overall AWESOME this week. I started happy crying at my desk this morning. Think I’m going to take him to dinner.
But so glad that your lady is killin it in the wife department!! Nothing better than doing something hard with someone else by your side. Bake her something in appreciation??
I am very much not a baker. I can roll out a dough, but I can’t make one. I have in the past messed up Snickerdoodles. I’ll figure out something, though.
Glad your dude is awesome!
On Oscar weekend, my new-ish boyfriend and I were talking about Taco Bell cravings (a rare indulgence for either of us). On Sunday evening, he texted me that he was at TB in my neighborhood and what did I want. 15 minutes later, we were eating burritos and watching the Oscars. It’s one of the most romantic things anyone has ever done for me and I decided in that moment that I will marry him.
I have almost never before really felt like someone gets me like he does.
I know what you mean! It’s a little scary to me sometimes how in sync my wife and I are. Specific examples are eluding me at this very moment (my brain is not engaged enough to really pull anything out of deep recall) but we have been struck a number of times by how awesome it is to be with someone who just *gets* you.
My husband is the best. I mean, the best. He’s all handsome and funny and loyal and loving, and he likes to surprise me with nice things and cuddle me lots. You should see him with our cats, seriously.
He’s great.
What a great idea for a thread! Thank you for starting it.
My partner is THE BEST. He’s incredibly patient with me and indulges me when I need pampering. HE BOUGHT ME A 1968 CHEVELLE and is restoring/hot rodding it for me. He takes me out to dinner whenever I don’t feel like cooking even though I can only eat at one restaurant in town because of food allergies. He prefers my cooking over any restaurant food, though. He goes to the gym with me even when he’s had a crap day at work. He’s really hot and physically fit. He adores me. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I honestly think a lot of people underestimate how important food compatibility is.
Seriously. Especially when one of the partners has eighty bajillion food allergies and would be considered by most to have a restrictive eating plan. HE NEVER COMPLAINS. He actually makes happy humming noises at dinner EVERY NIGHT. Srsly an angel.
Food compatibilty = SO GOOD.
Husband and I are most food compatible except he hates olives, capers and anchovies where I love them. and he adores Sausage and Mash as dinner and while I don’t hate it, I wouldn’t miss it if I never ate in in my life.
We compromise – we eat sausage and mash once a month, and I eat things with capers and anchovies and olives when I’m home alone, or when we’re doing pizza and can put them on my side.
My dude pays attention. He thinks I’m great and lets me know. Last night I had an eco-panic compounded of rage and helplessness and tears, and he walked me over to the couch and held me and spoke to me gently.
Also, when he’s the one in pain, he trusts me with it. He tells me what’s troubling him, and what he wishes would happen, and what he needs. I can conceive of situations where this might not seem like a net positive, but it makes me feel trusted and even powerful in a weird way — like I can do something for him by listening. (It also has the side effect of keeping me from feeling like I’m High Maintenance Girl who he just puts up with.)
Also also, he’s a visual artist and his worst drawing looks like anybody else’s best drawing, and the way he holds his head when he’s made a pun that he’s proud of is the pinnacle of human evolution okay I’ll stop.
My husband is working a pissy stressful job with long hours (that he is getting laid off from in May) and taking one graduate course now (nonmatriculating) and applying to a different graduate program for this autumn. So with my less stressful and more flexible job, I’d been taking on a lot of the cooking/chore duty lately. Which I wasn’t happy about, because feminism, and also because I barely get to see him at all when he isn’t writing a paper/working on his application and I’m not doing laundry, dishes, etc. So I was mad about that. And we talked about it.
And this past week he did ALLLLL the cleaning a little bit at a time, cleaning things I hadn’t even thought to clean, and was generally wonderful, despite all the other stuff he is still working on. And in return I’m less stressed and happier during the small amount of time we actually get to spend together. He is The Best, A+, Would Marry Again.
My husband is AMAZING, and I hardly deserve all that he does for me.
(Sidenote: I once heard that a good marriage is one where both parties think they’re not good enough for the other one. Does that make sense? That’s how we feel in our marriage, but in a sweet, non-dysfunctional way).
He’s currently working at a not great job (but with A Lot Of Potential! = what we keep telling ourselves). He works 6 days a week, overnights, so usually one person is asleep while the other person is awake/at work, and we only have one day a week to really spend time together and connect. Despite this, he does the dishes and the laundry, waters the plants, and takes the dog on walks during the day while I’m at work. He is calm and patient with me, lets me cry when I need to, and always takes my feelings seriously, even when they’re insane.
I swoon over The Fella, like, a lot, and I know people (in face-to-face life and presumably online too) get sick of it, so I will just say this:
Recently, I overheard him in a conversation in which the other party started signalling “I AM VERY IMPORTANT AND BUSY” in a way that would have spurred almost anyone to assert their own importance and status. But The Fella just … didn’t. He let the other guy say his thing and even followed up with a little compliment to smooth the path to finishing their business together.
In the same position, I probably would have issued a crisply polite reminder that, yes, we’re all very busy, so let’s just get back to the matter at hand. But he knew that wouldn’t help in this case, and he didn’t let his irritation or his ego get in the way of getting the thing done.
He isn’t invested in the alpha-status, pecking-order stuff that trips up so many of us. I’m knocked out by him in so many ways; this is just one small example.
He sounds awesome. I think your guy and my guy would get along. Of course, my guy gets along with just about everyone. I’m definitely NOT The Better Half in our relationship.
Isn’t it so great to be constantly knocked out by your partner?
I love reading these! I often feel so appreciative of my boyfriend and I try not to talk about it too much.
buuuut we are about to reach the one-year mark in a few days, after a lot of bumps and false starts, and I am so very happy! I love how he makes me laugh until I snort and is so selflessly supportive of my aspirations. he is silly and generous and thoughtful, he is a talented artist, and he is humble and honest and kind. most of all I feel like we are just from the same planet somehow, and it is good to have that for once.
This thread inspired me to go send a message to my SO type person. We’ve been a little bit rocky as we go through moving-in-together growing pains, but we’re doing great. He is sweet and kind and sees me. He puts in effort every day. He’s hot as blazes.
My partner trusts, all the time, that I am doing my very best, and he reminds me constantly not to be so hard on myself when I don’t live up to my ridiculously high expectations. He kisses me every time he passes by my chair, and he still looks at me like I amaze him. He asks me regularly if I am happy, because that is important to him. He listens when I need to vent and he never gives advice unless asked to give advice. He believes in me. He will come to bed early just to rub my back so I can sleep, and then get up again until his own (much later) bedtime. He buys me sweet little presents like books and toy swords and the tea I like. He is never angry at me and he never yells. He is kind and funny and silly and steady at all the right times to be those things. He has his faults, but none of them come close to countering all the wonderful things he is and does.
I GOT AN AMAZING HAIRCUT AND I COULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m too shy to post a real picture of myself but it’s a curly asymmetrical bob and it’s FANTASTIC.
Post something similar! I have curly hair and need to get it cut before my split ends multiply beyond control and smother me.
The only similar cut I’ve seen is a picture I took myself of a barista I met, so I don’t feel comfortable posting that either. It’s kiiiiind of like this: http://www.hairstylestars.com/wp-content/uploads/… but I have brown/black hair.
super super amazing good hair!
Yay new hair! YAY!
A big work project started in earnest this week and I’ve been working 10 and even 14 hours this week, while still reeling from DST stealing an hour of precious sleep. It’s finally slowing down this afternoon, but I’ll be so happy to sleep in tomorrow morning.
But the great news is that after a week and a half of stressing and feverish searching, I bought my airfare for Vegas today! In a month and a half I’m going to be playing blackjack poolside while sipping daiquiris. It’s the only thing keeping me from crying at the forecast of snow on Monday.
Good week because my story got posted here and loads of you said lovely things and I was too shy to respond but <3
Bad week because my current work in progress is sitting on top of me like a big stale pancake. But! Now I’m going to (hopefully) watch Under The Skin (filmed in Scotland, therefore watching it is a legal requirement of every Scot) and go with my husband to see our friend I haven’t seen in like four months and make the both of them watch all of Hannibal season one. Yeh!
PS Thanks Toasties, I cannot say that enough <3
I just scored a ticket to an early showing of the Captain America movie. You are looking at one excited nerd.
Also: Just remembered a dream last night in which I apparently bought a bitchin’ black Ferrari despite having (a) no money and (b) using the fake name “April O’Neil” on the application. I was terrified someone was going to figure out what I’d done. Then I managed to sell the car for cash somehow? Anyway, the car was a lot of fun to drive. Anyone else had weird, entertaining dreams lately?
I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU
But in like, a fun way, not a mean toxic way.
But seriously, so jealous
This, basically.
Yep.
This.
YES. A weird dream thread!
Last night I had a dream that I was dating my HS boyfriend, and it was pretty serious, but then Roger Ebert (the late movie-reviewer) asked me on a date and I said yes, obviously. Then when we were on our date, he asked me if we could KEEP dating, and I was too afraid to say that I already had a boyfriend, so I said “no I’m not interested in seeing anyone right now.” THEN Roger found out that I had lied to him and he FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.
Also, something about my dad finding my sister’s boyfriend’s weed stash that he was keeping at our house? IDK.
Oh, open thread. I feel like I have not been as into any of my internetting as I should be lately, least of all the Toast! Something about please god let the winter end and finishing a graduate degree and I’m probably moving in like two weeks (commence panicking) and my body just hates me this past week. First nasty virus that I feel like I shouldn’t have been so knocked out by, but definitely was, and yesterday something awful in my belly. It just seems to throw all the things off. Perhaps this is getting older? I dislike.
But it is sunny here today and I’m doing a little volunteer work tomorrow and I finally applied for a couple positions and I had a rad mini internet meetup at ye olde favorite neighborhood dive bar! wooooo.
Oooh also: new place is going to have bedrooms sans windows. Code-compliance aside, does anyone have good ideas for dealing with non-window spaces? The rest of the place is great, but I’m thinking track lights?? Giant floor lamps? Sconces?
a bedroom without windows would make me so happy. Think of all the blackout curtains you don’t need to buy!
Don’t know how I’d feel about no windows in the bedroom. I’d go with lots and lots of lamps. Lamps everywhere!
All of the floor lamps and framed artwork that gives you a feeling like looking out a window (whether it’s outdoor scenes or just an image that makes you feel serene). Congratulations on the new place!
Create window. Put up a curtain rod and curtains. Extra credit for mounting a window frame behind the curtains. They’re cheap at yard sales, sans glass.
I would go opposite way of fake-out window and treat it as a cave or tent: fabric from walls/ceiling, low lights, basically Inara’s ship from Serenity. Unless you actually have to get work done, in which case I love floor lamp/torchieres for light. Hate overhead fixtures, especially when you’re renting as those are almost 100% awful.
Ooooooo! Inara’s ship! Yesyesyes!
Though I did make a fake window for our windowless office and it was super fun! Bonus you can change the scenery at a whim.
ah companion cave!! I was just thinking how I wanted to grow up into Morena Baccarin. And word to the overhead fixturese.
THANK YOU ALL. I have no sense for design so this helps so so much
OPEN THREEEEEEEAD. I bear regards from @lobsterhug, who misses the community here but is kicking all kinds of ass at work! We had dinner last night, it was great.
Also I have so many social activities planned for the next several weeks that I’m preemptively wigging out. PEOPLE. GOING OUTSIDE. AUGH. And I had a job interview this morning that went well, I think? agh life is so busy and so full of things!!!
FUCK DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME, btw
WORD. I think our cats have lost it. They don’t know what time they’re supposed to attack us in the night anymore. So they just attack us all night. Fun!
I still haven’t recovered. I just want to sleep all weekend.
AGREED.
I think this year is the worst ever. It also warmed up by almost 20 degrees here on the same day, and husband and I just feel like we’re insane now.
our city may be pretty shitty in other ways but the fact that we’re on perma DST (no clock change) makes up for a teeny bit of it.
Where do you live and are they accepting new residents??
Saskatchewan. -40 in winter, +40 in summer. 2 bedroom apt $1100. Jobs though! And no clock changes!
I am thinking of submitting something to The Toast. But I’ve never really written for public (non-academic) consumption before, so I’m a wee bit terrified.
Don’t be scared! I shared some writing just last month and Nicole was beyond kind. Go for it, The Toast is simply the best.
Do it! I know it’s scary, but it is so exciting.
As for the responses, all of Nicole’s responses to my pitches have been courteous and enthusiastic – and that includes the rejections, which were brief but thoughtful and even kind. I can’t imagine any more rewarding correspondence with an editor than I’ve had with The Toast.
It’s been so exciting just having an idea I wanted to write about! Thanks for the encouragement!
I remember Nicole saying – maybe in an interview elsewhere, maybe right here on The Toast – that often the submissions from new writers follow a pattern: two submissions that aren’t quiiiiite the right fit, then a third brilliant perfect thing that they’re so happy to accept!
That’s roughly my own (limited) experience with The Toast: I started with two, count ’em, two, rejections for two different reasons (REASONS! an editor gave me REASONS! what is this miracle?), then I had a better handle on what makes a great Toast pitch. So even if your first pitch isn’t immediately accepted (and who knows, it might be!), don’t lose heart. It’s so exciting to have something worth writing – and that continues to be true no matter how long I do this.
That was exactly my experience, too, and it was as warm-fuzzy as it’s possible for this kind of thing to be.
Don’t be frightened! They accepted my short story and it is the first thing I have ever had published for money. They’re really lovely!
Also, they rejected something of mine recently and they’re really nice at that, too, so do not be afraid.
You can do it! I’ve had two things published – it was fun.
Toasties, I adopted a cat last weekend and I love her so much. Plus, next week is spring break and I am road tripping for a mini reunion with friends I lived with overseas. Everything is excellent.
I am going to the roller derby this weekend with a new friend. Everything is excellent here at this point in time.
Becoming a cat-mom changed my life (meaning, I spend more time with my kitten than with people and i have never been happier)
TELL US ABOUT YOUR CAT PLEASE. Name? Size? Age? Level of floofness?
Her name is Harold, which I know is weird, but I really wanted to name a cat after Harry Styles. She also goes by Hazza. She is two years old and pretty tiny. She is of medium level floofness. She has a very floofy belly. She is a calico with a cute little black dot on her snoot that looks like a beauty spot.
SNOOT!
I AM ON VACATION AND DO NOT HAVE TO WORK AGAIN UNTIL WEDNESDAY!!! This morning I took advantage of this, and had a crab cake Benedict at the local brunch place. Though why I continue to blindly trust seafood more than 4 hours away from any coast, I will never know. Then I am getting a pedicure later today, for I cannot be having with shoes right now. I also cannot be having with pants, but damned if I’m shaving my legs. It’s still in the lower 60’s, so I need the extra layer of warmth with my skirt.
Then tomorrow, it’s off to Sacramento for lunch with my cousin, and a trip to a good comic book store. The one here is pretty much crap, so when I can, I’ll travel 2 to 3 hours to a different state and go to one of the better shops I’ve ever been in. Empire Comics, Sacramento. Go there if you’re in the area.
So how about you comic-loving Toasties? Where’s your favorite comic shop?
Unreal City in Saskatoon is my favourite – it’s small but delightful, the owner is a lovely guy, and more than once I’ve looked around to find myself part of an entirely female clientele.
As I monoeuvre about the great concrete cube that is my workplace, I like to slip as narrowly through doors as they slowly creak shut on their tired pneumatic hinges. For one glorious, fleeting moment, I am St. Jelly: ninja translator.
Also, it’s my first week back at work after the birth of my son, and I miss his squishy little face so much my heart swells up into my throat. Pictures from home just don’t cut it.
First cold of the year! It’s a doozy and there are no cold meds in my house other than Nyquil. So I’m high on Nyquil in the middle of the afternoon. Feeling pretty woozy and not even in a fun way.
I mentioned in the OKCupid thread I was going on a date with a nice girl from Tinder (!) and I was freaking out. However, I went yesterday and it was lovely! I don’t think I see us actually dating but it was a very nice way to spend two and a half hours and she seemed to be a good egg as far as I could tell and maybe we’ll be friends!
Yay for you! Dating people is hard, except when it’s easy!
Am I too late to the game to start a Disappointing Book thread? Or maybe I should call it a Book Whining thread? Because I bought the book “The Returned” in hardcover, mind you, and I am totally bummed by it. The idea is that people who have died start coming back, and I expected to be emotionally destroyed because the main characters are an old couple whose long-dead 8-year-old returns, but instead it’s like it’s trying really badly to be a TV thriller, and nobody is really acting like a normal human would at all. And I see that it was/is being picked up for TV, so maybe that was a good choice on the author’s part.
OK, who else wants to complain about a book they spent cold, hard cash on?
My most recent one is a book called “The Lives of Tao” which sounds from the description kind of like a really cool combination of like… Bourne-level spy stuff and aliens symbiosis and conspiracies and just all sorts of craziness. And then I finished it and I was like … “Ah. Huh. Mmm. Okay.” Like it was just really underwhelming. Not BAD, but not, you know. Good.
Sometimes that’s almost worse. I can really get behind hating a bad book, but underwhelming just sort of wastes your time.
I was SO disappointed by Merchants of Doubt: How a Handful of Scientists Obscured the Truth on Issues from Tobacco Smoke to Global Warming. It was basically the same story over and over again, just with different scientific public policy issues. Or a chapter on how Scientist A obscured tobacco truth, then a chapter on how Person B convinced Scientist C to do the same. Just put it all together!!
I bought Kindle version, at least, so I don’t have to give it the side-eye on my bookshelf all the time.
I just started to read The Museum of Extraordinary Things last night (because I will have nightmares all night if I read Homicide: Life on the Killing Streets at home, so I have to leave it at work) and right off the bat it’s exposition, like the history of Coney Island. And it’s all in italics! I’m going to force myself to persevere, but that’s strike one, and I’m a vicious book-abandoner.
Excessive exposition is the worst! I just finished reading Balzac’s Splendeurs et Misères des Courtisanes and there were soooo many digressions. I’m now trudging my way through the second half of Illusions Perdues and there are thankfully fewer history bits right now, but I know they’re lurking in the distance.
Though at least 19th century writers have the excuse of being 19th century writers. I hope your book gets better!
The last time I spent money on a new book it was Jeffrey Eugenides “The Marriage Plot” and I was so disappointed that it’s been all library and half-price books for like two years (or however long ago that came out?). I mean maybe I should have known from the title alone that I wouldn’t like it since one of the pillars of my personal philosophy is not giving a fuck about anyone’s relationship problems.
FUCK THE MARRIAGE PLOT SERIOUSLY
I was really mad about The Clockwork Girl because the world-building was really cool and exactly the kind of environmental-disaster near future stuff I’m into (see for example the MaddAddam trilogy) but the Orientalism and the Sensitive White Male Hero and the graphic rape scene and the woman-as-literal-object thing killed it for me. And I’m still mad.
Yeah, I hated that book. We read it for my book club and I don’t think I’ve come close to hating any other book-club book that much. SHE LITERALLY HAS DOG GENES TO MAKE HER LOYAL???
Edit: Realized the book I’m thinking of is The Windup Girl, so I may be talking about a completely different book with Orientalism and rape.
Nope, it’s the same book! I’m not sorry I forgot what it was called, though. Maybe in time I can forget the whole thing.
OH, OH, also The Night Circus.
I purchased & read a book by Salman Rushdie for a book club. It wasn’t one of the way famous ones– I think it was called Rage? Or maybe Fury? Something like that. Anyway. It was awful. I don’t think I’ve ever written more hate-marginalia in any other book. So many angry underlines! I mean, sure, the book was about hate/rage/anger/fury, but I don’t think he meant to incite it in the reader in quite that way.
The TV show is phenomenal. I know there’s an American version coming out but there was a French version first and it is so lovely and sad. Don’t be put off by not liking the book!
Is anyone else queuing to buy badges for San Diego Comic Con tomorrow morning? I was supposed to, but OF COURSE they announced YESTERDAY that badges go on sale tomorrow morning when I’m supposed to be at the Kansas City Comic Con to which I’ve already bought tickets and ARRRRGGHGHGHGHGHG. A friend of mine has agreed to be my proxy and get online for me but I am sort of a Serious Control Freak and am super stressed about letting someone else do this for me. AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. BUT BUT BUT I am so psyched for this weekend because DARRYL McDANIELS is doing a panel on Hip Hop and Comics and EEEEEEEEEE.
So! Many! Caps!
Also, today is the Friday before Spring Break at the university where I work and if it got any deader around here I think I would start looking for actual morticians so THANK GOD FOR THE OPEN THREAD.
Also also this is the end of the second week of the 300 Kettlebell Swings challenge I’m doing and I haven’t missed a single day, much less a single swing, in addition to all my regular gym stuff. NGL, feeling pretty proud of myself.
The new randomized queue for ticket-buying is so terrifying and ever since they started using it I’ve only ever been able to snag Sunday tickets! MY FINGERS ARE LIGHTNING, LET ME USE THEM!
Hall H broke me last year, so I’m re-committed to my vow of only going to smaller panels, which are typically the more memorable and fun stuff anyway. DMC!!!
My friend managed to get our tickets!!!! I was waiting for the costume contest to start at the KC con this afternoon and got the good news. I jumped up and started yelling. It was pretty awesome. The only days we couldn’t get tickets for were Wednesday and Saturday. NOT COMPLAINING! I hope you got tickets if you wanted them.
Hooray!! There will have to be a GeekToast Meet up!
YES!
Finally get to see Swearin’ tonight! Super psyched!
I saw them at Cake Shop in NYC last week and it was incredible/ love them so much/ loved seeing disaffected katie crutchfield next to the stage even though Waxahatchee didn’t open for this show/ wish both of these girls were making music when I was 15/forever and always
they were SO good! thank you for helping me get appropriately stoked!
One of my co-workers who I am not close to just popped his head in my cubicle and said, “I just wanted to let you know that we all really appreciate the work you do,” so of course my response was to get really confused and ask, “Why, what did I do?” And now I feel ungrateful and anxious because I suspect that everyone in the company has noticed how stressed out I’ve been and not-happy to be here this week, but seriously, it’s Friday, y’all. I’m just trying to make it to the weekend. It’s not like I’m normally a ball of sunshine.
But there’s also the distinct possibility that a human being was trying to be kind to me, and I reacted with panic and awkwardness. How do I fix this?
You can literally just pop into the coworker’s cube and say thank you. I do a second take on reactions a fair amount, and it’s never bad. “I just realized I was rude before! Sorry about that — what I meant was [X]”
Yes! I love when people do this – “Hey, just wanted to thank you for what you said before. I was distracted and didn’t react how I meant to.” One time someone came back to tell me she was bad at taking compliments but appreciated what I said. The fact that she made the effort to do a double-take made me feel twice as good!
I suspect you’re right, that a human was being kind, and good news: if that’s the case (and it is! probably! why not?) there’s probably nothing you need to do to fix it. Did the conversation continue after you asked “Why, what did I do?” (p.s., that confused “why, what did I do” sounds like a pretty reasonable response to me.)
If it didn’t, or if he just laughed, or if he just named something you’ve done, or if he just said something like, “You’re doing well, is all” or “We’re all happy you’re here,” then everything is copacetic. Just back up a few paces in your head to the part where he said “I just wanted to let you know that we all really appreciate the work you do.”
Are you back there? “I just wanted to let you know that we all really appreciate the work you do.”
Good. Now stay there a minute: “I just wanted to let you know that we all really appreciate the work you do.” There. That’s good.
Thank you. Your comment helped me immensely in my distress, and after reading it several times and listening to some Johnny Cash, I’ve calmed down. I don’t feel comfortable enough to pop over and apologize as the lovely ladies below suggested, but I’m going to do my best to be more friendly and grateful in the future.
Oh! So on top of all my other stress at work, I got volunteered/assigned to co-teach an all day seminar next month. And it’s on a topic of which I know very little, but I took the same seminar 6 months ago. All of this is because my supervisor knows I’m a shy introvert that hates public speaking and she’s an outgoing extrovert and thinks that I just need a little push to get out there. Which is bullshit. I will do my public speaking when I have to, but I will never like the idea of volunteering to do it.
she’s an outgoing extrovert and thinks that I just need a little push to get out there
ew
That. Blows. So sorry. So so so sorry.
1) Finish re-watching Veronica Mars S2, read up on S3 (never finished), watch movie!
2) Eat pie and pizza, in that order
3) Wait for Titanfall
4) Catch up on Community and Archer
5) I have to wake up at 4 for a project I’m working on and get 1-2hrs of work in before I go to work (9to5), which should be fun.
Man, this week has just been Migraines Upon Migraines. As usual, the weather in Minneapolis is alternating between mildly not-freezing and then back to snow-freezing again, which already wreaks havoc with my head. But lately, I have been getting more and more Sex Migraines.
Does anyone else get these? They usually hit right afterwards, though this week it was so strong I actually had to halt things that were happily in progress. WHY oh WHY. Guys please tell me I’m not alone in this
Here’s my open thread contribution: when is the next Toronto meet-up going to happen? Because I missed the first one, and that makes me very sad.
So I am learning how to sew clothing and it is all I can think/talk about and all I want to do ever, but the results are reaaaaaally not meriting the time/money going into it. Most of it is because my person requires many alterations to even the simplest patterns, and the learning curve on that seems really steep. Is anyone here good at sewing clothing? How long did it take you to really figure out how to make clothes fit you, and how did you not burn everything in the back alley during this process? Should I give up on the idea of ever having a woven shirt that fits me (42-32-42 with weird shoulders APPARENTLY BECAUSE I CANNOT MAKE ANYTHING FIT IN THAT AREA I MADE SO MANY MUSLINS.) At this point I’ve made 2 sleeveless, darted tanks and one shirt with sleeves in the last month . I used a couple of different Colette patterns which I like b/c they’re drafted for C cups so it makes the altering process slightly less drastic, but still. I’m ok on the finish work and everything actually looks pretty nice as long as I sit perfectly still. So frustrating.
Oh honey I feel your pain. I’ve been sewing my own clothes for more than fifteen years and I still occasionally run up against fitting issues and botched muslins. Have you tried some books, like Fit For Real People or Pattern Fitting With Confidence?
Maybe find a local alterations specialist who would be willing to tutor you? I find it much easier to learn things in person, and s/he could sorta hold your hand through the extra rough spots.
Oh, man, that is good to hear! These book recommendations are great: I have a fitting book (The Complete Photo Guide to Fitting) it’s not really working with the way I learn, I don’t think. My best friend is a seamstress and I am just kicking myself for not learning more from her before moving halfway across the country, so this tutoring idea is really good, and one I’ll investigate for sure!
I have another weird question, if it’s not too much trouble! Could you tell me a story of something you made for yourself that you just LOVED: it fit you perfectly, and you realized all the learning and seam ripping and fitting mishaps were totally worth it? I just really would love to hear that kind of story, if you have time. 🙂
WHY YES YES I CAN TELL YOU THAT STORY.
Once upon a time I fell in love with this STUPID-FACED television show called Sherlock. I decided it would be a great idea to dress up with a friend of mine as Femme!Sherlock and Femme!John because I could totally re-create their iconic coats, no problem. Femme!John’s coat came together pretty well because my friend is typically sized for patterns (5’5″, slim, B-cup) and I could sort of Frankenstein Watson’s jacket from existing patterns. Femme!Sherlock’s coat, though. Oh, that Femme!Sherlock coat. First off, I couldn’t find any patterns that worked right, so I had to draft the pattern pieces myself–something I’d never done before. Second, I’m not an easy fit. I’m not terribly tall (5’7″), but I’m all torso, and curvy torso to boot. I made three mock-ups before I even settled on a pattern that I liked–never mind the fitting parts. Once I settled on the actual pattern, it took three muslins before I finally got the thing to fit right without looking like I was wearing a man’s coat. And then when I thought I had it, I realized I’d forgotten this was supposed to be an overcoat and I’d been fitting it in my shirtsleeves instead of over a suit jacket like I was going to be wearing it for cosplay. So I had to do two more muslins before I got the shoulders so they didn’t bunch or sag. But when it was finally finished, it was BEAUTIFUL. I still wear it on a regular basis as my dressy winter coat. Still so fucking proud of this coat, even if I am a tad ambivalent about the third season of the show. =D
OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST STORY! I tried to thumbs-up it like 5 times out of delight! ALso that coat is AMAZING and I have very similar shoes to yours and this tale has given me some seriously renewed enthusiasm.
MY GOD that coat is gorgeous, they both are, but Femme!Sherlock coat really is incredible.
Aw. Thank you. I’m glad you found the story inspiring! And thank you! John’s coat doesn’t photograph well because black on black and hotel lighting ehhhhhhhhh but it really looks exactly like the actual coat on the show, only with princess seams so it’s all flared and girly. I love it. I even got the pleats on the patch pockets right. <3
I admit, it pisses me off that the photographer didn’t point out the weird, drooping belt on the back view picture but OH WELL.
Edit: Also, how ADORABLE was my Watson? She doesn’t live near me anymore and it makes me very sad.
She is the most adorable! I hope you are reunited some day, and soon. Such a perfectly quizzical face!
These are beautiful!
Thank you!
OMG YOUR COATS AAAAAAH GORGEOUS.
Srsly, that whole story/coats is/are just the best.
Wheeeee! Thank you!
I HAVE ADVICE FOR YOU!! Unfortunately I am at work now but later tonight I will reply here (I’m posting this basically so I can remember and get the email alert) but I used to sew clothes a lot, and originally went to school for it (changed my major after 2 years though, blegh) and I think I might have some helpful books and links for you!
It takes time to learn, so give yourself time. I 2nd the Fit For Real People book. It’s great as a learning tool, and they give great explanations. There are Tutorials on sewing and fitting on HotPatterns.com, Patternreview.com,
My friend Ann’s blog http://blog.gorgeousfabrics.com/ and many more places.
Keep at it! You’ll get better and better every time
Oh, this blog is great! And thank you for the encouragement! Not a naturally patient person, so this has been a character test, for reals. I’m going to put the Fit for Real People book on my next-purchase list, and thank god for the internet, right? I would’ve sewn through my thumb and thrown my machine through a window by now, if the internet did not exist.
I have sewn through a finger. I don’t recommend it.
Oh my god GORGEOUS FABRICS IS RIGHT! Thank you for the link!
Hello Open Thread! I have a date tonight. And another on Monday with another dude, and I had a few last week with a third dude. That OKC thread was horrifying, but I’m actually having a lot of fun with the casual dating scene at the moment. Casual dating in my early/mid twenties was…..not wonderful, but now that I’m in my thirties and have learned great wisdoms like BOUNDARIES and YOU DON’T HAVE TO SLEEP WITH HIM IF YOU DON’T WANT TO, I am having a whale of a time! So many tasty menfolk to sample. *rubs hands, licks chops*
OKC is good when you can accurately weed through the crazies. And just not have too high hopes for first dates.
Yay dating!
I love to sing and make music, and I could go on all day long about the joy of singing with friends, singing harmony, sharing love and life and music and blah blah blah. . . .
So I wanted to share some music with you. This is my little group – we are not superstars, but we are big on telling people to pick up instruments! and try to play them! or at least try something new and take a risk and find out that you can enjoy something you have always wanted to try (rock climbing, crochet, parkour, what-have-you).
Our music is very gospel-y, so please don’t click if you don’t like that sort of thing. We are inspired by The Staves, The Good Lovelies, and really any good 3-part harmony we can find. This song makes me think of spring, which will be very welcome when it arrives here in Prairie Land.
Happy Friday!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJuATW7dmmc
I don’t like my job, and I want a new one. I’ve applied to work in the district where we live, which would make for a shorter commute and hopefully a less poisonous work environment, but they hire through an “invitation only” job fair, which is on March 22nd. They were accepting applications up through March 1st, although I applied months ago. I still haven’t heard anything! Please invite me to the job fair! That’s next weekend! Ahhhhhhhhh!
Good luck! I also don’t like my job and want a new one, and applied for something that sounds great but they’re accepting applications through next week so I have to wait. I hope you hear something soon!
Thanks everyone who gave me DC visiting tips forever ago! (In internet time. I am pretty sure it was only a month in actual time.) I watched the baby panda’s training session for probably 45 minutes and ate pop-tarts and it was great.
I am now also in search of tips for a 3-ish month trip through southeast Asia even though my anxiety is becoming so all-consuming that I’m questioning the wisdom of even going at all.
So, I’ve just learned 2 things (while reading this thread, in fact):
1) my new foster kittens really like potato chips;
2) if you yawn in front of a kitten, it can STUFF ITS HEAD INTO YOUR MOUTH AND LICK YOUR TONGUE GAAHHH!!
This is equal parts adorable and revolting.
AHHHH
imagine if you had panicked and snapped your mouth shut
Cats just ARE equal parts adorable and revolting.
As someone who considers herself a literary snob, I’m very embarrassed to admit this, but here goes: apparently, I’m really into Regency romance books (I think that’s what they’re called?) right now. I really only like one author, Anne Gracie, but I can’t get enough of her. Are any other Toast readers willing to admit they read this genre, and if so, do you have any similar authors to recommend?
I love Regency romance novels. Have you read any Georgette Heyer?
Yes yes, totally backing up that you must read Georgette Heyer, she is the high grand goddess queen of Regency romance. Start with Cotillion, or Sylvester, or Frederica, or ALL OF THEM.
HI I LOVE THEM.
(I am a literary snob who also writes romance books, so I am a conundrum wrapped in a pickle of who gives a shit because there are some damn good books out there and they deserve all the love.)
SO! Off the top of my head: Tessa Dare, Sarah MacLean, Joanna Bourne, Julia Quinn, Stephanie Laurens, Sherry Thomas, Cecelia Grant, Jennifer Ashley, Sabrina Jeffries!
I HAVE MORE, but you already think I’m rabid. (I’m slightly rabid. I read like 50 historical romances & 50 contemporary romances & 50 literary novels & 50 YA novels a year.) (I read too much.)
I will second/ third/ whatever all of these recommendations. And add Courtney Milan and Shana Galen as Regency with a modern feel (also more humor/ spunkier heroines). I find that different authors work for me at different times, depending on what kind of mood I’m in.
I also always recommend Smart Bitches, Trashy Books for anyone who finds themselves getting sucked into romance- they have recommendations, reviews, snarky commentary on the really terrible parts of the romance genre (e.g. the entirety of Harlequin Presents), and a really excellent podcast that reveals a lot about the publishing side of the romance industry.
Two questions, in ascending order of urgency: 1. When in general does this thread go up, or live, in P.S.T. terms? I came really early hoping to snag a big answering sample, then had to go and now it’s so full!!! 2. It turns out that last Wednesday night someone threw a lit candle on the roof of my trailer in an attempt to burn it down. (Either that or someone’s romantic dinner in a passing helicopter in the middle of the night went disastrously wrong) So, I’m never going to sleep until I have moved, and I have calls and feelers out for places close by and a little further out and am just kind of curling into a fetal ball of terror. Like, I might as well be on fire right now anyway for how freaked out I am. Can someone please help me break this down into actionable baby steps? I don’t have a car, so it feels right now like I’m just supposed to pile my life on my head and start walking. Any suggestions, here or at hlsegg(at)hotmail(dot)com, would be a wonderful salve at this point. Toast, yes, always. But I never liked it burned.
Yikes. Is it too late to call the police? (Did you already do that?) That’s probably what I’d do, even though it’s been a couple days, but I realize that might not actually help anything. Is there someone you can stay with over the weekend? Did neighbors see anything?
OH NO. I’m so, so sorry. How nervewracking.
So, breaking it down into steps: step 1. Have you reported the incident to the police? (Or barring that, have you thought it over and determined, for reasons of your own, that you don’t feel safe doing that? I recognize that not everyone has the same expectations of safety and respect from the authorities.)
step 2. You’ve talked to friends and contacts about available spaces for you to move to. Have you/can you make it clear that this is urgent and immediate for your safety?
step 3. Have you looked into temporary places? I’m not going to second-guess your feeling of urgency; you’re the best judge of that. So, assuming that this is urgent, can you look around for, say, a week-to-week rental or seasonal/tourist rental where you could sleep more easily until you can get a permanent place? Maybe you could couch-surf for a bit? Or just crash tonight at a friend’s house to get some rest? I know I can’t think clearly when I haven’t slept, and you need to think as clearly as you can. (Also, of course, you deserve to sleep without the fear of fire.) You could also look into a storage area for your possessions, but your own safety is obviously the most important thing.
Question to ask yourself/posed to other Toasties: if you have renter’s insurance, is this something your insurer might help with? I don’t even know if that’s likely but perhaps people with good insurance can chime in: would the insurer have any stake in helping you relocate or am I living in a fantasy world thinking that they’d be invested in seeing that the stuff/person is not, y’jknow, BURNED UP?
[edited to add: I hope it’s obvious that these aren’t questions you need to answer, but thoughts/advice in the form of questions.]
Holy shit, that is kind of terrifying. Internet hugs!
1. I think the thread usually goes up about noon CST – at least that’s what I’ve found. Also, I refresh throughout the day and sort by “last activity” – so someone will see it, even if your post is late.
2. Do you have any friends you can stay with? Or any family that could help you out? Or if you don’t have friends you can crash with, could you have someone stay with you? I would take in even an acquaintance who came to me and said, “I don’t feel safe sleeping in my home, please help.” When it comes to the actual moving day, if there’s a U-Haul center near you, they rent the big vans for $20/day. Might take more than one trip, but they’re cheaper than the trucks.
Oh, my. I understand your fear. It’s terrible you have to feel this way. Is there a friend who can keep you company at your place for a few days, or with whom you can stay for a few days? Is it accurate to assume you live alone?
What an awful feeling, I’m so sorry! This is definitely a time when your local friend/support system should band together to help you out–and maybe also any local Toasties if you’re comfortable disclosing your town? I would absolutely pitch in if I knew a nearby Toastie needed a helping hand.
I have extra room! Come to Central Texas? Seriously.
Thanks for all your help, and sorry to “reply all” on top of your heads. I filed an online police report as soon as I heard. Nobody here knew anything; I’m in a corner lot with a parking lot over the fence, so it likely came from there. I live in the county seat (the rectum, really) of bucolic, puke-olic Mendocino County, CA, and one of the reasons I’m rarin’ to move is that in almost a decade I haven’t formed useful ties like that. That’s why I come here and eat all your brunches vicariously. I do live alone, as a feeble and unlettered anchorite a la Julian of Norwich (though I believe her anchorage was made of stones). Have tried to get renters insurance, but with no luck so far, which leads me to fear death by ironic Simpsons-like punishment. Thanks very much for your help and good wishes. I’m trying to stay positive and flame-retardent.
This week I asked a dude out even though I was very nervous about it. He said no, he’s seeing someone. I feel very discouraged even though I did absolutely nothing wrong. I get in my own way SO much with dating that when I finally a) like someone and b) do something about it, it seems like that should be the whole challenge. No, there’s a whole second component to the dating challenge, and that is that you have zero control over what the other person does.
Asking people out is hard. I feel for you. You shouldn’t stop asking people out, though. Doing it once means you can do it again. And, you’re still an awesome person even though you were turned down. Just don’t give up. Keep being brave (although, the more you are brave, the more times you’ll hear the word “flattered”, so be warned).
Unfortunately, for the second part, there’s nothing to do about that. The more you ask people out, the better your chances of someone also having liked you (and not being brave enough to do anything about it), or that you put the idea into their head that you are someone in the romantic realm. I think a lot of people who I could have liked never told me they liked me or did anything about liking me, so I could never see them that way. I found out years later that they liked me, and I would have been into it but for not noticing them in that way.
Being turned down, even politely, is the pits. But you did the correct thing and have nothing to be embarrassed about, and at least now you know. If I’m getting down on myself in that situation I tend to find reading this thread reassuring.
Of course taking to the sea is always an option.
Next week I turn 30! WHAT THE HELL? AWESOME!
Today is the first day of a 4 day weekend that begins tonight with my husband going to therapy for the second time (yay!) and ends with my birthday alone all day until I get to hang out with my boyfriend. 🙂 In between, I get a sweet brunch with one of my friends who works nights, a boardgame party at my boyfriend’s place with his wife where I get to meet all his friends, two whole days of veg out with my husband, and cleaning my tiny ass apartment!
Then, next Wednesday I have a first date with a lady I have been into on OKC for several months. And, next Saturday is my birthday shindig with crepes and karaoke.
The week that is ending today was too dumb to fully recount, and I don’t know what I would do if I had only a normal weekend this weekend. My cat has a giant crush on a cat that lives across the courtyard from us, and has taken to meowing incessantly at all hours no matter if we are giving her attention or not, or if it is 4AM… And, I had trainings all week on reporting for 1.5 levels above me in my company. I was confused, bored, and exhausted most of the week.
But next week… Next week will be epic.
OH BOY I got spoken to a little bit at work by my new boss, who is puzzled that when she first came on board, I was, in her words, “ready to set the world on fire” but recently I guess my spark has dimmed a little bit. so I told her that each and every day I come to this office I think about setting at least one thing on fire, even if doesn’t always show. she seemed to believe me.
the real reason behind the change is my doctor refused to prescribe me both kinds of pain pills I need, so I rashly chose the interesting ones over the ones that work, so I am not able to be in an opiate haze for half of every day anymore. apparently they used to make me just as pleasant on the outside as they feel on the inside. alas.
so I told her that each and every day I come to this office I think about setting at least one thing on fire, even if doesn’t always show.
I just love that this was said as a form of reassurance to your boss. Excellent.
Y’all I just hired someone.
I dislike interviewing, but I just love hiring people. She was happy, I was happy, she’s like the best person I’ve interviewed in forever, and I’m actually looking forward to training her.
(Well, that’s a bit of a lie. I dislike training, too. I like sitting in my office all alone doing my own thing and not talking to people. But I’ll decide to like training her, between now & her start date.)
Good feeling weekend starts now!
On Wednesday, I went to the library for a “light, fun read” and walked out with Les Miserables. I have somehow lived this much of my life knowing nothing of it other than the fact that it’s a brick of a book. And, assuming by the title, not especially fun or happy.
Anyway, I’m about 80 pages in and enjoying it!
Also, today is the day that I decided that I am going to lurk less and comment more because Toasties are the best.
awesome! I read Les Miserables last year and had a great time, sewer tangents and all. Which translation?
Sewer tangents? Intriguing!
It’s the Penguin Books 2012 edition translated by Norman Denny.
sewer tangents, and convent tangents, and french slang tangents, and Waterloo tangents… tangents all over the place. 😉
This is why I have been 2/3 of the way through the unabridged version at least twice (possibly three times?) at this point in my life. The Waterloo chapter really grew on me, though.
Yeah, it grew on me too. I had been dreading Waterloo, honestly, but by the end it was like… holy shit. this is pretty fantastic.
I’m glad you’re enjoying it! I read Les Misérables for the first time a bunch of years ago and it was a big part of what led me to decide to study French (like most middle-school students, my life choices were largely whim-based). If it weren’t for that book, I might not be in France right now.
What’s really funny is that even though my French is now good enough to read excessively long 19th century novels, I still haven’t read it in French. My middle school self would be very disappointed.
Oh, also, the first time I read it, I skipped the fifty pages about Waterloo. I ended up reading them last year for a class and I kind of have to admit that skipping it was probably a good life choice (though you should totally read them and decide for yourself; I was really into the tangents about sewers and convents and stuff).
That is fantastic! I love when whim-based life choices turn out well.
I will probably end up reading them! However, when I was reading Moby Dick, everyone told me to ignore the tangents about whale anatomy, I didn’t, and stopped reading soon after.
SKIP WATERLOO!
(I mean, technically there are two plot points there you need to know, but you know what? I’ll just tell you what they are: http://dakimel.blogspot.com/2013/04/beggar-at-fea…
otherwise – SKIP WATERLOO.)
I am going to Orlando next week to go present at a conference and I am nervous because I thought my paper would be done by now when I submitted the abstract in October and it is 100% not. oh well. I’ll pretend I know what I’m doing I guess. And there’s a pool!
Ok, folks, HELP. My PMS is terrible. Really really terrible. It makes me really nuts, as in, dysphoric and obsessive thinking, extreme moodiness, weeping, etc. It’s gotten worse lately. It’s affecting my relationship (duh). It’s really affecting my ability to think critically about my life. (Is this PMS, or valid thought, or PMS hangover – yes I have those). I think it’s the winter, and probably some weight gain (my sweet MD mama told me that I could consider reducing my “body-fat to muscle ratio” to help with PMS), and other lifestyle stuff.
Does anyone have terrible PMS? Does anyone else have success stories about PMS management?
Changing my hydration habits helped me. Once I established a schedule of routine fluid consumption *every day* I was no longer getting dehydrated. Turns out, PMS hit me so much harder when dehydrated. Just a matter of drinking with every meal and once in between meals. Tea, water, juice, whatever. YMMV, of course, Best wishes.
My PMS has been most affected by my birth control–different hormones affect me differently (duh). Best thing I’ve found is to go three packs straight and then have a period after that, every tenth week (I think). If ya can’t beat it, reduce it!
Obviously hormonal birth control is not for everybody and your mileage may vary!
I’d just like to share that the CTO told me in the hall today that he likes my Sleater-Kinney tee shirt, and I am now listening to some Snoop Lion in my office. Sometimes work can be okay, guys.
i wish I worked with you.
You guys! I was at work all day and couldn’t load comments or post!
HOW DO YOU FIND A JOB?
Seriously, can somebody please help me with this?
LinkedIn is awful and gives me a rash, but make an account and find Heather Seggel and connect with me. We are very slowly building a tiny Toast cluster, and will soon establish a misandrist temp agency.
CLIENT: So what I’d like you to start with is–
TOASTEMP: Speak not, male. It has been done and I am currently enjoying a Twizzler from your candy jar.
I JUST CONNECTED WITH YOU!
I figured that was you! We will conquer the world through our use of relatively useless social media! Or at least have a(nother) place to commiserate through the suck of it all.
Ask A Manager helped me a ton on the cover letter and resume front. I’ve heard about this whole networking thing, but thus far in my life I’ve pretty much only tried responding to job postings and career fairs. Both which worked, so there’s that.
I’m going to see The Grand Budapest Hotel on Sunday! Then Mr. Unshored will be out of town for a few days next week, so I may very well wind up repeating what I did with The Royal Tenenbaums and seeing it four times in theaters.
I promise I’m not as insane as that makes me sound — with the Royal Tenenbaums, I went first with a friend and then with my parents and then with another friend and then on a date and every time it was sooooo gooooood
Upon second thought, I might be exactly as insane as that makes me sound.
It’s probably a little late for this, but I’ll try anyway.
Do any Toasties have advice / resources for dealing with aging parents? My parents are significantly older than most of my peers’ parents, and, besides me (and I’m thousands of mile away!) and, to a much more limited extent, my older sister, they don’t have much of a (particularly, local) support network (friends, family). This means that a lot of the weight of their aging falls on me. I talk to my parents most days and visit fairly frequently, but, besides a lot of general stress and worry, it can actually just be hard for me to deal with weird behavior / unkindness that is the lot of many people (including my father).
So…tips? Books? Essays? I’m not generally a self-help-y person, but I would really just like to know what I can do to make things, in general, go easier, so I can feel like I’m actually DOING good for them and not just flailing around…
There’s a wonderful book by Susan Piver called something like Asking the Hard Questions When Dealing With An Aging Parent that can help you both check in with yourself and your ‘rents to create healthy boundaries and clarity about last wishes, caregiving, and other, more day to day stuff. I bought it and was reading for the first time when my dad changed the schedule I thought we were on and died, the big jackass, but it even helped me a bit with self-care afterwards. Good luck, you’re doing the ultimate thankless job, but it’s needed and valuable work.
A Bittersweet Season, by Jane Gross, might be a good place to start. It’s a book about the author’s own experience caring for her aging mother, as well as American elder care in general. It’s terrifying and depressing in parts, but also very wise and helpful.
I never post on here because I am shy and etc. BUT I had to just say to you, having been/being in this EXACT POSITION (aging parents, siblings far away/sincerely do not care, and…not the nicest parents to begin with). My most important piece of advice is make sure you take care of YOURSELF and not try to be SuperOffspring Who Can Handle Everything No Problem and give yourself permission to say “No.”
And maybe start researching services that send “nurses” (many different varieties!)/help to your parents so you are armed with helpful information. Their local hospital should have a social worker on staff who can help out with this. Even start researching “little” things that might help THEM still feel independent but get them what they need and also make YOU feel better (like, local libraries around my parents have a volunteer program that bring books to patrons who can’t easily get to/around a library).
And just…be kind to yourself. This can be a tricky part of life for the closest/happiest families to negotiate. It won’t always go smoothly–sometimes aging and the changes that come with it are alarming and even surprising to parents–my parents are TYPE A ++++ control freaks and really had a hard time with…everything. BUT–that is not YOUR fault nor YOUR responsibility.
tl;dr: Don’t try to shoulder everything on your own & know you’re not alone! {hugs}
I’m wondering if you may find the AARP website useful? It’s all about aging of course, but many of the articles are useful and well-written, plus they are very current with just-published studies. I hope this is helpful to you!
I can’t make life decisions so I’m throwing this out to the internet. I might have a chance to go work in the Northern Territory (of Australia) for a couple of months. The work would be interesting and exciting, but also difficult and depressing and I would have to live in a tiny remote town 2ish hours from Katherine. But I’m a person who likes living in cities, which I would call civilisation and can really only sustain interest in nature for about 5 minutes before I remember it’s hot and I’d like to sit down. Basically the things I like to do is eat fancy cheese in temperature controlled rooms whilst hanging out with my cat.
But this would be an adventure! And right now I don’t have responsibilities so I can just take off to the middle of nowhere. It might be character building? But maybe inflicting myself on a remote community for my character development is not the best?
Also I’d be going in June when we’d be heading into winter and I’ve been told that the weather is “balmy” and 30 degrees Celsius all the time.
If it’s for a limited amount of time, like a few months, maaaaaaaybe it won’t be so bad. If there’s wifi.
Basically, if you hate it, but you can count the number of weeks till it’s done, then it’s not as bad as if you have to count the number of month this till it’s done, if that makes sense. It all depends on how long it would be.
It would be about 6 months, which is both forever and also not that long at all. But most people get their contracts extended.
Also Ross river fever is for life and people are always being taken by crocodiles which is also for life.
I am agonising and it is silly.
It sounds like you don’t want to do it. Like you think you should want to do it, because people are supposed to go have adventures or something, but it seems like deep down you don’t want to go. Maybe this is not your adventure. Maybe your adventure is something else that you haven’t discovered yet, and does not involve spending half a year in the middle of nowhere with big dangerous animals and possible diseases, and a notable lack of air-conditioning. Maybe your adventure involves travelling to other cities, and parties with fancy cheese and wine.
It’s ok to hold out for the adventure you want.
Heeeeeeeey Happy Friday y’all! I’ve spent most of my workday chatting online with a friend booking a our mini-holiday to Palm Springs where we are going to party like old ladies. When I get home I’m going to search for an old Hawaiian-floral print muumuu I found years ago at a thrift shop, and pour over my fabric stash to see if I have anything that would make a good caftan. Anyone have any Palm Springs must-do/eat/drink/see ideas? Friend and I have never been, but have been curious to check it out and since we decided we desperately needed some sun/pool/drinking time at a place that was a short flight away, the desert called us.
ALSO I am going to House of Prime Rib for the first time on Sunday so whatever else happens this weekend I’m guaranteed to be a happy camper.
I just went there for my bday weekend a couple weeks ago! I basically did nothing but sit on my little hotel porch and read/enjoy life. My Big Event was going to Melvyn’s, which was very goofy and old school, but was one of Frank Sinatra’s old haunts and they have pictures of him on their napkins.
I found out the sex of my fetus today. It’s a boyyyyyyy. I irrationally suspected it already, and was already referring to it with male pronouns. He wouldn’t keep still for the scanner.
Maybe now my co-workers can stop speculating based on annoying shit like whether they percieve that my butt has spread or not spread. Hates them.
YAY!! Boy kids are the best. (Not biased or anything by my lack of daughters.) He will be the snuggles and the best and you will enjoy the most giggles of all with him, congratulations.
Boys are wonderful, congratulations! My son has been a delight since he was born. The coworkers know nothing.
Congratulations on your wriggley fetus and also your spread or not spread butt (?)!
Thanks, guys. I would’ve been pretty psyched for a little girl, too, but my nothing-based feeling that it was a boy was so strong I wouldn’t even let myself think of girl names. Mainly it just seems more like a proto-person in there than the weird little fish monster it used to be.
This is interesting to me. I am a very non-intuitive person, and yet I too had an irrational (and accurate) feeling that my small person-to-be was a boy. I am now 39+ weeks and have not had another similar shred of intuition about anything else. People keep asking me: does he like it when I sing/exercise/sneeze/eat chocolate? How’s he doing in there? WHO KNOWS? Not me.
But I was secretly pretty sure he was a boy, and now I wish I had advertised my certainty to the world, so that I could get credit.
P.S.–Comments for the coworkers only get worse. Now they daily try to determine if I’ve “dropped,” and the women have no hesitation asking about the state of my cervix.
Earlier this week I was stiting around in my dentist’s office, and what do I find but a copy of Cooks Illustrated! I flip it open to the editorial, which started, “It was a cold rain. Not the kind that splashes off a jaunty baseball cap and onto a summer cattail,” goes on to say, “There are times in these dark woods when you imagine that cities have never been built, that the era of humans has come and gone,” and ends with quotes about mermaids from J. Alfred Prufrock. I DID NOT REALIZE HOW ON POINT MALLORY’S PARODIES WERE.
So, has anyone else been playing 2048? Because my husband got me hooked on it, so now I need other people to be obsessed too. (You slide numbers around to get them to add to 2048. It’s way more fun than I’m making it sound, I promise).
My Watson and I still wear our coats, so YES!
I love fandom, too. Just fandom as a thing that exists makes me happy.
I was cleaning out my inbox and only JUST NOW saw the GIF you included, so much perfection, thank you.