In the place of a Dark Lord you would have two Queens! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love us and despair!
Ortberg and Cliffe split ownership equally with the publisher, Nick Pavich, who prefers to remain behind the scenes. “I want to be the only white male in history who’s not offering an opinion about [the HBO show] Girls,” he said.
fin
Tags: business, crushing it, feminism, internet, link roundup, meta, nicole and mallory
HOORAY THIS PLACE IS THE BEST CONGRATULATIONS
Hurrah!
Hooray!
So I guess that explains why, when someone asked me last week what I wanted to do when I left academia, I speculated briefly on the benefits of becoming a witch and/or taking to the sea.
(But seriously, best site everrr.)
Mommy blog sister site, you say? This is my kind of parenting forum. *starts scribbling furiously*
Rumours that I am willing to start a mommyblog are utterly false. I will fight it on the beaches, I will fight it in the cities.
damn. I would write for it if you did though.
Me too- having raised two feminist kids who have neither robbed a liquor store nor voted Republican, I have high level parenting cred
What more could you ask for, really?
Please teach me your ways.
See Nicole? The people are clamoring for Toastie Parenting Tips.
Other ideas: Homework doesn’t work,how to tell the school district to change
School starts too darn early
Feed the kids everything: how to raise intelligent eaters
bonus Tip: Teaching the kids to cook for YOU
I can chime in with 101-level classes such as “how to use frozen peas to distract a baby for 15 minutes,” “Nursing With Teeth” and “Where the fuck did you put that diaper, and why is it just out of reach?”
And call it “Croutons”!
… because they’re like little toast cubes.
… get it?
NEVER MIND.
I LOLed.
My kid fussed at me for daring to suggest that after dropping him off at middle school I wouldn’t swing by the polling place to vote for Wendy Davis in the primary election.
Me: it’s not like she has any actual opponents. I’ll vote for her in the real election
Him: And what if you’re wrong? Then what happens? I can’t vote yet; you have to do it for me.
Tedious child.
And today he wondered if we could request a female pilot for our upcoming trip, because he’s tired of waiting for random chance to provide one somewhere in his life.
The last flight I took had a female pilot, and I was so psyched! So your odds might be slightly better if you fly Airtran from Orlando to Philadelphia, is what I’m saying.
Noted. Not quite worth the change in itinerary, but it’s good to hear it’s possible.
I’ve ridden with many female pilots. They are better than male pilots; of course he is clamoring for that experience
Several flights ago, I had a female pilot who told the story of how, when she said in kindergarten that she wanted to be a pilot, she was told it wasn’t a job for girls, but when her son was asked in kindergarten whether he wanted to be a pilot like his mom, he said “nah, that’s a girl’s job.”
It was AMAZING. She was also just like, awesome and hilarious.
LOVE LOVE LOVE so much love
On the hills, and in the air. Never surrender, Nicole! It will be your finest hour.
I assumed a Toast mommyblog would just be a collection of Mallory bedtime stories. You know, for kids!
And given its own dedicated platform, it could be allowed to grow into Mallory’s entertainment multimedia empire. For kids!
Sigh. Yours is the only mommyblog I would READ though.
Ideas for articles on a Toast Based Parenting blog:
Teaching your kids responsible drinking skills at an early age
How to raise feminist men
It doesn’t hurt the baby if you say no
I get it, I totally do, but I would so dearly love a parenting blog that came from the same kind of perspective that The Toast does.
You might be able to get away with it if you call it “Dirtbags of the Future”.
(Also, it makes me unreasonably happy that Ta-Nehisi Coates is also a Toast fan.)
he shall be spared.
Speaking of which, this means that we can officially begin Phase 2, right?
ME TOO I got to that part of the article and immediately came over here to shout about it.
If Ta-Nehisi Coates loves anything I love, I feel like that’s all the approval I will ever need.
Absolutely.
God(dess) bless us, everyone
Yay Toast!
But also the term “ladyblog” is on the “Dislike” side of Official Toast Stances, yes?
YES forever.
Yesssss ladyblog sets my teeth on edge. DISLIKE.
“Ladyblog” is a term that must die.
We can instead substitute HUMANFEMALEBLOG, which adequately captures the sense of outsider derision (and just a soupçon of fear) while also communicating the idea that HUMAN FEMALES and HUMAN FEMALE READING MATTER are alien things, and I use the word “things” advisedly, not to be understood by the default population, by which I of course mean men.
Wait, how do we feel about “genderal interest”? Because it’s possible my love of all puns and portmanteaus is destroying my objectivity.
<3 <3 <3
I’m just adding another comment here reinforcing how damn awful it is, so people have more places to thumbs-up their eternal disdain for that term.
Thank you for thinking of me.
I imagine Elon Green was using the phrase ironically, which just spotlights how iffy it is to use dismissive phrases ironically, especially in the first ten words of a piece. You can’t be sure your readers will catch your wavelength or, if they’re unfamiliar with your writing voice, will afford you the credit to assume you’re not actually being dismissive.
I don’t like the term. But unfortunately I needed to situate The Toast among its competitors and that seems to be the (shitty) label of the moment. I’d much rather have called it a badass, take-no-prisoners, testicle-stomping force of nature.
Alas.
Let’s do what we can to shift the Overton window to from LADYBLOG to TAKE-NO-PRISONERS BROADS.
I SHOULD FUCKING HOPE SO!
Yes. Dump that fucking term and set it on fucking fire already.
Just… “Blog”. As in, the default original. As misandry shall be the default original. As Patriarchy shall become an anomaly known only through story and fable. A blight on the past; a remembrance that brings up feelings of shame.
I passed a pie store this morning with a chalkboard out front that said “ALL MEN MUST PIE” and I realized that while once I would have read the “men” as a default stand in for “people” I now read it as a marked term meaning “male persons only” and that is mostly thanks to Toast misandry-mongering.
As awful as GRRM is to his female characters, it is rather interesting that it has been mostly dudes biting it on GoT lately. And I presume that Arya, Sansa, and Daenarys set up a reign of terror at the end of the books, as that is the only acceptable outcome. Secret misandrist?
10x better than “Mommyblog” in my opinion, but that’s not saying much.
“Mommyblog” seems at least somewhat useful as a category though – if you are a mother who primarily posts about your kids/the process of parenting and who wants to engage with other people who have that same interest, then mommyblog is kind of useful a descriptor. “Ladyblog” seems like an insane ridiculous category by contrast, because it’s basically putting half of all human beings into one lump group (which is obviously only useful when we need to start up the matriarchy).
I prefer “witchblog.”
Welcome, new readers!
Orientation is at reception. Signing up to the Misandrist Army is suggested, but not mandatory. We take sign-ups in the library, which is where you can read a wide selection of weird, thoughtful or beautiful fiction and non-fiction from Toast contributers.
Be nice in the comments, or the collective sarcasm will be so great you will explode in shame.
(Well done for this, Mallory and Nicole. I’m starting to see your links on facebook sahred by people other than me and my mother, and i’m so pleased for you)
YEAH.
SO RATCHET!
The most deserved success in the history of successes. *clinks champagne glass full of Dr. Pepper*
Seeing links on the Toast in the wild is the best thing ever. Congratulations! MORE TOAST EVERYWHERE
I know! I saw one on this dude’s OKC profile yesterday and got all excited. When I messaged him about it, he said that he’s read the odd article but I gathered doesn’t consider himself a true Toastie. BUT my enthusiasm piqued his interest so he promised to become a regular reader, so yay for Toast Evangelism!
TOASTIE MATCHMAKING SISTER SITE, Y/Y?
“MEN WHO SHALL BE SPARED and the women they do not deserve.”
I would dump my boyf to jump on that dating site.
Congrats, Nicole and Mallory! I was actually surprised to see The Toast has so many male readers – I would’ve guessed the breakdown was more like 90% women, 10% men. It’s heartening to know so many men are absorbing the whimsical misandry and accepting their rightful place.
Also can we please destroy the terms “mommyblog” and “ladyblog”, forever and ever amen?
I like ladyblog in that it lets dudes know “this is not yours, this is not for you”. That means only cool, secure dudes stick around.
That’s a good point, actually – for me “ladyblog” stuck in my craw a bit because I feel like I’ve mostly seen it used in a condescending way, with the implication of “oh this isn’t serious, it’s for girls”. But I like that interpretation of it, and I agree that the term is necessary to communicate “this is for us, this is not a place where dude voices get to dominate like almost everywhere else”.
THE MEN, right? I had noticed that we have almost an EXACT 50/50 split in terms of our donations, but I had assumed that’s because men control the means of production.
No, bless their hearts, I’m glad they like being negged so much. Love you, male readers!
I also thought there were, like, four total male readers here, and I’m really pleased that’s not the case! Dudes who read the Toast and aren’t dicks about it are the kind of dudes I want to hang out with.
Basically my rule of socializing with men has evolved from “Straight dudes are probably not that interesting” to “Must like The Toast, all other considerations unnecessary.”
Does it count as “being a dick about it” if I frequently pelt friends and relatives with carefully-curated links to Mallory’s Greatest Hits? I just want everyone to know and love The Toast.
Oh no, obviously spread the good word and indoctrinate everyone you know — I meant more like I appreciate the lack of “but why didn’t anyone consider what MEN think about this thing??????” sort of comments around here (a combination of well-mannered men and an iron editorial fist, I’m sure).
You know, it would be interesting to have a guide for dudes on how best to assist the rise of the matriarchy (or just something slowly teaching them to be better people) but I am not expecting to see that here.
Partly because the blokes around here are already partially enlightened but also this is not a space that should be dominated by what men think or want to learn. So, err, carry on.
Blokes! 🙂
I mentioned the toast in a letter to a friend. Is that being a dick about it or not because the letter is posted so I need to know if I need to rob a post van.
Not at all, I have sent actual emails for this very purpose.
And best of all… it’s working!
“The Toast: Your Online Destination for Negging of Unworthy Males”
“know thy enemy” is my reasoning
(and “love your enemies” because you are all amazing)
I send one of my coworkers every Food Trolling piece, and also other pieces, and am slowly converting him. I have no strong feelings about his being spared, but I suppose I wouldn’t mind if he were.
Hurray and congratulations and huzzah!
Congrats! So proud to be a small part of this amazing place. I will leech off you forever.
Dammit Jaya, that was going to be my comment! Congrats, proud, small part, amazing, etc etc.
oh my fucking god, nicole & mallory are the fucking shit.
This is the best thing ever. Congrats!
Way to go!!! Pitchers of mimosas and/or (insert fave beverage here) for everyone in the effed up tourist house of their choice!!!
I’m so happy for you, congratulations!
Huzzah indeed! World domination officially begins.
Math question out of this post: do Nick, Mallory, and Nicole split the site ownership in 3rds, or does Nick own half and Mallory and Nicole split the other half? The quote above leads me to believe the second but I thought it was the first.
Thirds. Most definitely thirds.
As it should be. Thank you for answering.
What a scary thought. Never own exactly 50% of anything!
“The Toast gets about 2 million clicks per month”
Only about 1/5 of that from me!
Yeah, does that count constantly refreshing to see new comments?
When I have to go to a website so I can log into the internet on my laptop at school I use this one because I just have to hit “T” and it brings up this site, and also because I don’t have any dirty websites that start with T in my history
Right? Average time spent on the site is 3-1/2 minutes? More like 3-1/2 HOURS.
Fantastic news! Although, it does seem like you missed a chance to re-use the “all shall love me and despair” tag.
Ahhh this is so thrilling! Which is kind of funny.. I am really pleased for you guys, even as a commenter. 😀
[Oh the interesting phenomenon of blog/commenter dynamics!]
I’d like to invite some of the menfolk to join us on Twitter (even the lurkers), where I’ve created a Toasties list so we can easily find each other. Follow me or just the list: @embryoconcepts, https://twitter.com/embryoconcepts/lists/toasties *
*Some list members are honorary Toasties or ‘Pinners.
Anyone is invited, really, just wanted to explicitly extend the invite to the minority group.
This is great! I follow a few Toasties from some open thread where people were listing their usernames, but now I can follow EVERYONE FOREVER.
i am terrible at twitter
(but not because i am a man, i am terrible at twitter regardless of gender, though i am also terrible because i am a man)
Me too, but I’m not letting it stop me. @GrumpyinBoston
I need to follow more of that list; right now I’ve only got about a third.
All Toasties who follow me get followed back, by the way.
Yesssss the list the list! Join us!
Toasties, though I use a different handle here, you may also remember me from such blogs as Shapely Prose and Captain Awkward, under the name Sweet Machine. /troy mcclure I’m @sweetmachineSP on Twitter and I love, love you all.
Thanks for the dandy list! My follow-click-click-click finger is happy. (Did that sound dirty? I didn’t mean it to sound dirty.)
The top person on that list is someone I know personally! TOAST EVANGELISM 4EVR!
Your list is aces.
(I’ve known that since the first time you posted it, but I just thought I’d appreciate you vocally today).
#YaaayMisandry!
YAY. best pull quote
SO GREAT!! I am surprised to see that your first idea for a spin-off blog isn’t one dedicated entirely to the logistical planning of the Revolution (who’s bringing the paper towels and/or wet wipes?), but maybe that’s further down the line.
Delurking, after following you here as a Pin lurker, to say congratulations! I love the Toast beyond measure.
Congratulations!
Hooray for the Toast!
My spouse often teases me, saying that she’s so glad that the Toast has encouraged me to read. (My love, just because I don’t read books doesn’t mean I don’t read!)
But I must admit, I do read more because of the Toast; y’all have a constant stream of good writing and a great balance between activist think pieces and ridiculous id-pleasers. If there is a better intersection of feminism and fun on the internet, I have yet to find it.
You are loved, so please continue to thrive and stuff! <3
hell yeah! congratulations!
I don’t know if this has already been mentioned, but The Toast is on the list of sites that “deserve Vox-level plaudits” by the Columbia Journalism Review: http://www.cjr.org/realtalk/women_digital_startup…
My heart fluttered a little when I saw it.
yessss this is wonderful!!
Lin said that down the road The Toast would do well to embrace the network model, making it “a hub for brands.”
Nicole and Mallory, I know you are both already very, very good at not taking direction from a man, but PLEASE DON’T TAKE DIRECTION FROM THIS PARTICULAR MAN! In addition, please add him to the Not To Be Spared list for even suggesting such a thing. Thank much for your kind attentions, etc.
I honestly don’t know what that means. What is a hub for brands? Why is it a bad idea?
I took it as make The Toast the Gawker to a bunch of spinoff sites’ Jezebel, Deadspin, and i09. Like, you’re the hub and they’re the spokes of a mighty media empire. I’m not sure the misandrist audience is broad enough to support a whole clan of Toast brands, but I guess the true mark of media entrepreneurs is that they give the people what they didn’t know they needed.
the phrase brand hub just makes me think web ring.
I don’t actually know what it means either (when has that ever stopped me having an opinion about something?) I’m just allergic to the word “brands” and “hub for brands” seems particularly menacing. The hub may hold a wheel together, but it’s an innate lump that’s pushed on from all sides.
Hmm. If a hub for brands means subdividing into little Melba Toasts online, my eyes would be too tired to read it all and I would suffer cranky FOMO issues. But if it means I could buy misandrist towels at Target (“Not His” and “Also Not His”), a Toast toaster at Kohl’s or even just a hoodie since I missed the first round, I say hubba hubba to brand hubbery.
“‘Not His’ and ‘Also Not His'”
HERE JUST TAKE MY MONEY OK
Please also take my money! [tosses fistfuls of dollars]
Mr. BHam is on a first-name basis with Nicole and Mallory, since I talk about them as much as (if not more than) my IRL friends.
Any chance we can take this opportunity to offer another round of Toast tees and/or hoodies? I missed out last time because I was between jobs but now I have a job and a credit card and will you take my money, please?
We use “Mallory-esque” as an adjective in my household.
Here too. My husband even points out sexist things and says, “they had better hope Mallory doesn’t see this”
I already mentioned my coworker earlier, but I will sometimes wander up to him and say “Mallory wrote a thing,” or “no I cannot eat your disgusting habanero almonds, do you even READ Mallory?” and he just breaks out into a grin. I think he was legitimately disappointed to find out he has no shot with her.
My family calls it my favorite cult.
(Note to my actual favorite cult: you should all join this cult with me!)
THANKS TO YOU, THE REVOLUTION WILL BE FUNNIER!
Dark Queens, seriously, making a publication profitable is pretty well impossible these days. BY THE POWER OF YOUR MISANDRIST GLORY, YE HAVE MADE THE LAWS OF NATURE WEEP.
Hold on – so first this was a “cult site”, and now it’s profitable? I suppose many cults are profitable, or try to be. It does make sense.
Profitable, not rolling in cash. You can make a dollar a month and be profitable!
Cults tend to deny stuff as well – you’re catching on, Mallory!
Not that I would ever disbelieve a word from your lips, Dear Leader.
Also, THANK YOU for the intro, Nicole – I totally didn’t learn that entire speech by heart aged 16, nor did I recite it along with the dialogue while re-watching Fellowship of the Ring for the 30th time. Not at all.
(This is why The Toast is so great, I can admit this stuff to you all.)
I created an account just so I could stop lurking long enough to say I love you, The Toast. I love you and you’re flawless.
*delighted gasp at the Jezebel hyperlink under “work for a man.”*
Congratulations, Grand Editors!
Now let’s get drunk and play ping-pong.
Wait, My Queens/Silent Male Cohorts of the Queens! Is there a reason there isn’t a massively huge Toast shop by now? I have no actual experience in this realm but I read a lot of marketing blogs and they all tell me creating sellable products to complement your online copy is the way to go. Are they just wrong? Is this completely untenable for The Toast?
My real question here is WHY CAN’T I BUY A (Remember that you always have the option of taking to the sea.) T-SHIRT? OR A HOODIE OR COFFEE CUPS OR, I DON’T KNOW, A WELCOME MAT OR SOMETHING?
Throwing it out there. I love this site with all my heart and I would happily buy pretty much all the things. I suspect I am not alone.
(Cue Michael Jackson) you are not alooooone.
A MUG PLEASE. A mug would be quite welcome.
Heartily seconded. I’d get a t-shirt/hoodie/mug/misandrist tactical handbook in a hot minute.
As former Hairpin lurker and a follower of the Toast from day one, I have finally created an account just to say that I’m SO PROUD. YAY TOAST.
I don't actually know what it means either (when has that ever stopped me having an opinion about something?) I'm just allergic to the word "brands" and "hub for brands" seems particularly menacing. The hub may hold a wheel together, but it's an innate lump that's pushed on from all sides.
Me too, but I'm not letting it stop me. @GrumpyinBoston
Heartily seconded. I'd get a t-shirt/hoodie/mug/misandrist tactical handbook in a hot minute.
I love the Toast, and somehow have managed to go all this time without twigging to the fact that it is a ‘ladyblog’ — which must say something, but I’m not entirely certain what. Anyway, congratulations!