FAQ: Sarcasm

by Django Gold · May 5, 2014

funny-gifs-sarcasmQ: What is sarcasm?
A: The American Heritage Dictionary defines sarcasm as, “a stone coffin, often inscribed or decorated with sculpture.”

Q: That sounds like the definition for “sarcophagus.”
A: Indeed! But that’s sarcasm: You asked me a question, and instead of giving you a straight answer, I deflected it with a joke. You just failed to pick up on it. Way to go!

Q: That’s not sarcasm. You’re just lying.
A: Not at all! Lying isn’t funny. But sarcasm, when deployed correctly, is funny one hundred percent of the time. Also, somebody who does nothing but lie all the time would be impossible to tolerate. So we just say they’re sarcastic.

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Q: By that logic, I can say anything I want, and if anyone calls me on it, I can just say I was being sarcastic.
A: Exactly. You can also say you were being “ironic.”

Q: When should I use sarcasm?
A: Whenever you want! Say, if someone asks you a stupid question, or just any question. Or when you’re bored. But mostly when you’re feeling insecure, and you need people to know that the travails of life don’t affect you like they do others.

Q: Give me an example.
A: Let’s say your friend is a sculptor. And after years of scraping by while pursuing every possible avenue to gain leverage in the cutthroat art world, she’s arranged for a selection of her work to be displayed at a prominent local gallery. And on the opening night of her exhibition, with her friends and family gathered at the gallery in celebration, she points to one of her mixed media pieces and asks what you think. And you express your hope that when she visited the dump to collect materials for the sculpture, she remembered to grab a job application. And then everyone in the room will laugh.

Q: What?! That’s just hurtful. Why would you say something like that to a friend, even if you’re just joking?
A: Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. Let’s hold hands and talk about it.

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Q: Is that sarcasm again?
A: No.

Q: Really?
A: Yes. I mean no. Hold on, let’s start over.

Q: What is sarcasm?
A: A means of condescending to someone while also letting other people know how clever you are.

Q: This whole enterprise seems incredibly unkind.
A: You’re right. It’s needlessly patronizing and cruel.

Q: Are you being sarcastic right now?
A: I honestly don’t know.

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Q: Give me another example of sarcasm.
A: Okay, let’s say you’ve met the love of your life, but you don’t reveal your feelings because you’re afraid that you’ll open yourself up to being hurt. And even though he has let you know in various, subtle ways that he feels the same way about you, you keep him at arm’s length, never letting on how amazing you feel every time you’re with him. Until one day he can no longer stand this stalemate, and he gives you an ultimatum. “I love you,” he says. “But I need to know how you feel, because the uncertainty is crushing me. So, tell me now: Do you love me?” And you would say, “No,” and then he would walk out of your life forever, not realizing that you had just totally zinged him.

Q: This is ridiculous. How is society supposed to function if people just treat everything like an opportunity for a cheap joke?
A: You get used to it.

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50 Comments

    1. logicbutton +12

      Wow, that’s a lot of paper! Do you have to pay to use that much? Are your boss and coworkers going to be okay with it?

      1. Lyzz13 +13

        It’s a building full of apathy and hatred. I’m claiming social experiment if anyone even deigns to give a fuck.

      2. anninyn +7

        Gratuitous Pictures of Yourself. Basically a tumblr way of saying ‘I am like this’.

        1. malloryelis +13

          wait I don’t understand this doesn’t have a picture of him in it

          1. mkpatter +27

            I don’t understand this either, get your Young away from me, Tumbler! (which I am spelling PROPERLY now.)

          2. CleverManka +8

            I shall now bask in the glow of being told to keep my Young away. AWWW YISSS.

          3. anninyn +8

            it used to refer to being an actual picture of you, and now it just means that you are like something

          4. paintingthegreyarea +18

            Is it like when people derail a thread in non-sequitur fashion in order to bring up something they are good at / like to do? Like, if someone were to say “Speaking of GPOY, that reminds me of the acronym GPA, and have I ever mentioned that I graduated with a 3.9”?

  3. bumbleblu +22

    I am one of those people whose every word sounds sarcastic. I can’t help it! “Was that sarcasm?” they ask, after I comment on the cuteness of their newborn baby. Was it? I DON’T KNOW.

    2. ofTrebond +13

      I have a hard time convincing people sometimes that I’m being sincerely enthusiastic about something. This mostly happens with friends who are really sarcastic because we feed off of one another, but still. It makes me worry about the last example.

    3. elsamac +8

      I spent one year in a parochial school and despite being a longtime atheist, I decided there was no harm getting on board for Lent by giving up a great pleasure. I chose to give up all sarcastic jokes. It just ’bout crushed me.

      But it was very instructive: alll month long in almost every conversation, some friend responded to my sincere enthusiasm as if it were sarcasm and they had so totally busted me.

      It made me very aware how much of my social interaction relied upon deadpan sarcasm, so much so that even my close friends didn’t believe I could do without it.

  4. bluebluebaby +33

    (can we take a moment to swoon over fictional detective Rosa Diaz?)

    1. citizenchristy +18

      LOVE her. I’m not assertive enough as a rule, so a friend of mine made me a motivational poster that’s her looking fierce with the words “BE LIKE ROSA” across the bottom. It’s up at my desk.

      That show succeeds in a lot of ways, and I think the number of women in the regular cast–that are hardly ever talking about dudes–is one of its greatest successes.

      1. bluebluebaby +20

        also: subversion of gay stereotypes; minority of white dudes; CHELSEA PERETTI’S ANIMAL BLANKETS

          1. citizenchristy +20

            Let’s just say Chelsea Peretti in general. There was a moment when Gina ate a bite of pie and said it was so good she hated it, and I don’t know if I’ve ever related more strongly to a fictional character.

          2. moxycrimefighter +18

            Also, she is dating Jordan Peele supposedly and I just want them to have beautiful hilarious dogs together (not a fan of kids).

          3. bluebluebaby +6

            do you follow her on twitter? because last night she went on a binge of sharing photos of dogs in sunglasses. BRILLIANT.

          4. citizenchristy +4

            YESSSS

            She reminds me why I never follow celebrities who aren’t also comedians. She’s so good at being ridiculous.

          6. lilsebastian01 +9

            The line, “He is the best thing in my life and I lead a rich and full life” has been floating through my head recently. So brilliant.

    2. sofie_fatale +25

      Rosa made me embrace that my natural curls could also be badass and I just got my hair cut this weekend and now I just want to wear leather jackets and PUNCH EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. anninyn +58

    I was told by my therapist to be less sarcastic as it was clearly a defense mechanism and IT HURTS US PRECIOUS

    EMOTIONAL HONESTY HISSSSSSS

    1. Janie_S +18

      Oh, is THAT the reason for that? Because the therapist I tried gave me crap for sarcasm, but didn’t give me any reasoning for it so it came across to me like “you cannot speak extemporaneously in front of me; I will tone-police the shit out of you despite the fact that you are literally paying me to listen to you.”

      1. anninyn +25

        My therapist is really nice so she just said ‘I notice you’recastic about your own feelings: why is that?’ ande it turned out it is because I am terrified of my own vulnerability and I try to make a joke of myself before anyone else can.

        1. hurdyburdy +35

          That sounds completely unfamiliar she said while crawling under her bed and pulling a blanket over her head to form a fleece-y shield from the world.

  7. Toft +37

    I’m pretty sure irony is an advanced form of mumbling: it lets you be ambiguous about what you mean so that, if you need to, you can take it back, and other people will think they just misunderstood you.

  8. deleted2845473 +29

    Thanks for validating my policy of immediately pressing “close tab” on anyone whose okcupid profile includes the word “sarcastic” and never looking back.
    (it’s a lot of people, so so many, why do they think that’s a selling point)

    1. tubatoothpaste +25

      True, if a person uses “sarcastic” as one of the first few adjectives to describe themselves, there’s a better-than-even chance that it’s code for “asshole.” Kind of like the people who “tell it like it is.”

      1. deleted2845473 +19

        That, or they mean that humor isn’t their strong suit but they’re not going to let that stop them from repeating a lot of bad jokes they saw on reddit.

  9. britomartian +20

    Oh, using sarcasm to denigrate sarcasm, how unexpected and witty.

    Also–soon this comment thread will swallow its own tail.

  10. TiaBaheri +30

    I’d say I even go a step further with the insecurity. I go meta whenever I make a joke that’s just too sarcastic by going: “I’m sorry, I was just being sarcastic because I am deeply insecure so I like to deflect serious moments with jokes in order to protect my fragile feelings”

    But I have developed a really good delivery for that line so people always laugh for a few seconds before they stop to ponder: “Is she serious? Is she joking? Both?” We’ll never know people, we’ll never know.

  11. C.B.Blanchard

    My therapist is really nice so she just said 'I notice you'recastic about your own feelings: why is that?' ande it turned out it is because I am terrified of my own vulnerability and I try to make a joke of myself before anyone else can.

  12. Chandra

    Is it like when people derail a thread in non-sequitur fashion in order to bring up something they are good at / like to do? Like, if someone were to say "Speaking of GPOY, that reminds me of the acronym GPA, and have I ever mentioned that I graduated with a 3.9"?

  13. Elsa is Emily

    I spent one year in a parochial school and despite being a longtime atheist, I decided there was no harm getting on board for Lent by giving up a great pleasure. I chose to give up all sarcastic jokes. It just 'bout crushed me.

    But it was very instructive: alll month long in almost every conversation, some friend responded to my sincere enthusiasm as if it were sarcasm and they had so totally busted me.

    It made me very aware how much of my social interaction relied upon deadpan sarcasm, so much so that even my close friends didn't believe I could do without it.