His substance abuse problem was different because he knew he was going to die someday.
Her substance abuse problem was different because it’s lonely, living in New York City.
Her substance abuse problem was different because she was still totally beautiful but not quite as beautiful as she was five years ago. Then she was beautiful like a hummingbird, alive and vibrant and hovering several feet off the ground. Now she was beautiful in a brittle way, like a hummingbird covered in fondant.
His substance abuse problem was different because he had only written one best-selling novel instead of several.
His substance abuse problem was different because he was so young and good-looking and his hair fell in front of his eyes when he talked.
His substance abuse problem was different because he had a job he had to go to every day even though he didn’t want to have one.
Her substance abuse problem was different because she was unhappy on purpose.
Her substance abuse problem was different because she spent a lot of time thinking about being and existence and nothingness, even though she didn’t have to.
His substance abuse problem was different because of how self-aware he was. “I’m making a bad decision,” he said, and then made a bad decision, but no one could say anything about it because he’d already explained that he was making a bad decision.
Her substance abuse problem was different because nobody really understood her, even when they tried to.
His substance abuse problem was different because nothing helped, even though he was the life of the party.
His substance abuse problem was different because he was having a lot of sex with strangers, but in a sad and interesting way, not in a fun and exciting way.
Her substance abuse problem was different because she was too smart to be happy.
Her substance abuse problem was different because she struggled with being the voice of a generation.
His substance abuse problem was different because he couldn’t be content with the small, secure life that you have.
Her substance abuse problem was different because she felt like an imposter, because even though she impressed other people she could never impress herself.
His substance abuse problem was different because everything was different after the war.
Her substance abuse problem was different because she was so busy taking care of everyone else that she forgot how to take care of herself.
Her substance abuse problem was different because society is so empty, and rich people make terrible friends.
His substance abuse problem was different because he was funny on the outside but dying on the inside.
His substance abuse problem was different because he was so successful and made so much money, and that’s terrible.
His substance abuse problem was different because he was divorced and his wife never understood anything.
Tags: addiction literature, being special, humor, literary cliches, substance abuse problems
Related Posts
Convincing Claire to Take an Internship Using Dated References
If We Treated Other Life-Cycle Benchmarks The Way We Treated Getting Married And Having Kids
I’m Getting Really Tired Of Living In This Quaint English Village
The Taxes of the Future
Notes on Your Screenplay From a Producer Obsessed With Cannonballs
FAQ: Sarcasm
Mallory, I now know that you contain multitudes and are everywhere at once, for you have gleaned this example from my own life:
“His substance abuse problem was different because of how self-aware he was. “I’m making a bad decision,” he said, and then made a bad decision, but no one could say anything about it because he’d already explained that he was making a bad decision.”
My favorite (read=most agonizingly truthful) one
You were not self-aware enough to not post this.
You stage an intervention on me because I’m different; I stage an intervention on you because you’re all the same
ouch. and also wow.
My substance abuse problem is different because my substance is The Toast and I’m abusing it right now.
Okay, “like a hummingbird covered in fondant” is officially the best analogy that has ever been written.
Yes. My mind sort of exploded with that one and I’m not sure how to proceed with life.
I’ve had Elliot Smith’s Between the Bars stuck in my head for several days now, and I have to say it goes well with this post.
I love that song and in my mind, it’s about grad school not substance abuse.
Madeleine Peyroux version, if you (like me) like covers: http://youtu.be/FktNzLg_te4
Between the Bars? grad school? …. oh god, you’re right.
*weeps softly in the corner*
Whereas my substance abuse problem is the same.
Yeah, mine is pretty pedestrian.
I like how this is tagged “humor” but most of us are laughing because we are uncomfortable with things like this hitting so close to home.
This was my understanding as a teenager, sans the substance abuse: “Her substance abuse problem was different because she was too smart to be happy.” Funnily enough, becoming less of an asshole rather than getting dumber helped.
My substance abuse problem is quite ordinary, really.
“His substance abuse problem was different because he was so successful and made so much money, and that’s terrible.”
You guys, I’m still SO MAD about The Wolf of Wall Street.
That movie wanted to be a lot better than it was.
“Let’s critically examine a lifestyle that uses beautiful naked women as props by using beautiful naked women as props!” “People for sure want to spend approximately one million hours watching rich white douchebags whose problems are entirely of their own making!” “There’s no reason to point out that this guy spent basically his whole adult life doing things that would get someone who was not rich or white or a dude put in prison!”
–sentences that people apparently said during the making of that movie.
Even the concept of that film takes me to a new level of Can’t Even.
I still haven’t seen Wolf of Wall Street despite, y’know, WRITING ABOUT FILM FOR MONEY because just seeing the previews over and over made me feel sullied and furious and helpless in the exact same way that my first encounter with a subway frotteur made me feel. I know I’ll watch it someday, and I resent that fact exactly the way that I resent the inevitability of running into another groping creep someday.
Is it bad that the trailers (didn’t watch the movie either) didn’t make me angry, just bored? Oh, more rich white men behaving badly? How fucking interesting.
I hear that. For me, it was a whole cocktail of boredom, degradation-by-proxy, and spitting helpless rage that this is still the prestige project of people whose work I admire and it will not change substantially in my lifetime, which is also roughly what I feel when I get catcalled or groped.
It’s entirely possible that I’ll be blown away by the film itself, but the distaste I feel is going to be a hurdle to my enthusiasm first.
I’ll be the first to admit I’m not all that well-versed in what makes a film good on the technical side, in that I only notice those things when they’re bad, so it’s entirely possible that the cinematography and editing and acting and whatever are brilliant. I just don’t see why that (potential) brilliance had to be put to the task of telling this tedious, shallow story about a person whom I have never met but I now actively loathe.
OK, but seriously, you don’t need to write a memoir. Really, you don’t.
Why does the voice of my generation spend so much time in awful places and so little time playing board games?
“His substance abuse problem was different because everything was different after the war.”
Oh, hey, wow, I mean I should have expected to see you here but the truth hurts sometimes.
His substance abuse problem was different because he was under a lot of pressure, but things are totally under control and he’ll take care of things when the pressure relents, honest, everything will be different then, he swears, I’ll make it up to you, babe, I promise.
See also: fandom.
Can’t stop laughing at the hummingbird covered in fondant. Sorry, hummingbird.
This gave me the sads.
All I could think about with the hummingbird covered in fondant line was that god-fucking-awful A Team song by Ed Sheeran. HER FACE IS “CRUMBLING LIKE PASTRIES” GUYS
i hate that song with a fury that i can barely contain
Her substance abuse problem was different because she tried marijuana last of all and left her diary behind.
A+
Another day, another blowjob.
Her substance abuse problem was different because she tried marijuana last of all and left her diary behind.
So is this whole list about the Goldfinch? Theo Decker I am sick of your shit.
So is this whole list about the Goldfinch? Theo Decker I am sick of your shit.
These are all wonderful. The self-aware one is one I've seen from other people in my life in the past. I myself, though I never had a substance abuse problem, definitely felt the 'too smart to be happy' thing when I was younger (what I really meant was too neurotic), and the 'nobody really understands me' thing is still something I struggle with. Feeling like people are misunderstanding/not really hearing me just sets me off to this day.
I was 100% sure that the line “his substance abuse problem was different, because he was going to die someday” had shown up somewhere else on the toast lately, and was going to ask for help finding it (here! http://the-toast.net/2013/11/04/male-novelist-jok… but now my major insight to add is that while “his substance abuse was different” turns up two articles, “he was going to die someday” has a full three pages of results.
Zir substance abuse problem was different because everyone else’s substance abuse problem was normatively gendered, or so ze *thought*