“Using the platform of a magazine founded by men in academia who likely hadn’t heard of Autostraddle before now, like The Baffler, to criticize independent women’s media doesn’t indicate a good-faith interest in pushing women’s media to better itself and more suggests a recognition of the fact that feminine internet infighting is good for pageviews.”
If you’re going to come after independent, queer-owned media, doing it on The Baffler isn’t a great look. Even if you can pull the look off, where are you going to find the shoes to match? Nowhere, that’s where.
1. It is a radical and a good thing for queer women to make money through any means they can.
2. I would read “Cosmo for Queers,” no questions, one hundred dollars, right now. Love the way the OP throws “Cosmo” around as an insult, as if being a successful and profitable print magazine is somehow a shameful thing to aspire to.
***
This is me with my little brother, the Futurama- and Animorphs-explaining physicist. Please note my wonderful hat and his smushy li’l face.
(The dress is from Bee’s Knee’s in Oakland.)
***
That one tree in Africa that’s on every book cover.
***
This isn’t new, but I make everyone I love watch it eventually. Give it time. Let it grow on you. If you don’t have a spark of affection for it after the ginger ale speech, you can give up, but at least make it through that scene.
Because I have a lot of things, Hannah. Oh, wait. No, I don’t. I had one thing. Ginger ale.
***
Is my sister the Zodiac Killer? I certainly can’t explain where she was in the 1970s.
I’ll just assume she’s claiming to be the Zodiac. “@lkoturner: Taking shape… pic.twitter.com/TsaN6hJBQK”
— Nick Pavich (@Nick_Pavich) May 13, 2014
***
Just call me Oakland Red.
“The brainchild of Colonel Lawrence Varsi Castner (1902–1949), an Army intelligence officer serving inGeneral Simon Bolivar Buckner’s Alaskan Defense Command, the band was organized in order to create a unit that was fully functional with only minimal outfitting. Castner chose men skilled at flourishing in the tough conditions of the Alaskan wilderness including the native Aleuts and Eskimos, sourdough prospectors, hunters, trappers and fishermen. Their background in survival and hunting made them ideal scouts. Hard and dangerous men, they often had names in keeping with their unit’s nickname, such as Bad Whiskey Red, Aleut Pete and Waterbucket Ben. Appreciating their unique talents, Col. Castner did not enforce standard military procedures on his unit, who gave themselves the name “Cutthroats” in honor of their irregular status.”
***
Really starting to get the hang of Tumblr.
***
Stanley Lombardo, world-renowned translator of global literature and beloved Classics professor, is retiring! My one semi-exciting connection to the world of classicists is that my dad attended a dinner party while he was in seminary with Barbara Reynolds, who finished the Dorothy Sayers translation of Dante’s Divine Comedy after Sayers’ death.
Shortly after arriving in Lawrence, he met and married Judy Roitman, a KU math professor and fellow poet — “my favorite poet,” he’ll tell you, without a trace of marital obligation.
How many people get to marry their favorite poets? Stanley Lombardo and Robert Browning, maybe. (Pointedly ignores Ted Hughes.)
***
***
“It’s only a golden age if you don’t mind doing the work of telling the world that your book is coming and it’s worth reading. If you find that impossible, or embarrassing, or painful, then this is a nightmarish era for you. Traditional PR doesn’t move books any more, and a reliance on the occasional notice in a newspaper or magazine that people don’t read will inevitably lead to disappointment.”
Do you know, I find myself thinking about this not infrequently. I think I’ll feel quite stupid and embarrassed if my book doesn’t sell very well; I want to seem impressive and successful without having to try very hard, but I also feel embarrassed at the prospect of acting as my own hype man. Luckily, the cure to all ills is “just continue to exist, pretty much.” Eventually, all problems go away with that technique.
***
Shipwrecks are the greatest. Not at the time, obviously, but now, many hundreds of years later. Not to brag or anything, but I once toured the Mary Rose in college, so if anybody wants to make out, you know.
Tags: johnny ortberg, link roundup, no swears this time, the internet
Mallory, you have nothing to fret about, this link roundup is EXCELLENT. Also your hat: EXCELLENT.
I really enjoy that most of the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency books stay away from the African-tree covers, but I was EXCEEDINGLY DISPLEASED to see that the HBO-styled posters and covers had the tree-and-sunset. Why.
EAGLES ARE TURNING PEOPLE INTO HORSES!! YES! Do you also like BriTANicK in general? Have you watched Next Time On Lonny?
NO not yet, but I love their ‘every oscar-winning movie trailer’ thing!
That dress is banging and you look great in it.
I love that she anticipated our inevitable Fancy Mallory cosplay by giving us the store’s name and location.
The nice thing about publishing is that when a book doesn’t sell well, you can always, always, always blame someone else.
Also, sales data is proprietary and no one outside of the industry will know if your book didn’t sell well. So lie, whatever, no one will know, as long as they’re not in publishing or bookselling.
(but it will sell!)
Your brother looks exactly how I would imagine a Futurama- and Animorphs-explaining Ortbergian physicist to look. Your hat and dress and hair all look perfectly excellent. Carry on, Ortbergs.
Seconded on the hat and dress and hair, and also I think the brother is totally hot and adorable, and I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that but I DID SO THERE.
uh oh
She’s dangling him right in front of us! How do they all have such great hair…
I bet he’d look great with his hair pushed back.
I bet he’d look great with–uh, actually, I’m going to stop that thought right there.
adorable is fine. you can say adorable. watch the rest of it, though.
I would like every Link Roundup to feature a jaunty hat, please.
That dress is super cute, and the jaunty hat is perfection. Everyone should wear jaunty hats.
That post about publishing is depressing and bleak and yet still somehow has not quashed my hopes and dreams. FINE. I WILL DO ALL MY PR MYSELF. I’m good at the twitters.
Oh, shut up The Baffler. HOWEVER. I do appreciate that Autostraddle freely admits it doesn’t deal super well with gender variant stuff and, frankly, I want them to be better about it. If only because if they’re gonna rep the queer, include all the queers! My friend was doing columns for them and they basically were completely indifferent to some really awful radfem/obnoxious trolling and sort of shrugged when asked if something could be done so my friend could keep writing. So, you know, take responsibility, I guess?
I have lots of thoughts about how websites should be, tho.
you know who I bet they’re better at dealing with gender-variant stuff than?
THE FUCKING BAFFLER
natch.
I am just spoiled by the commentariats I hang out in and am loyal to my friend, though, so still gonna squint at stuff. also i was at a very much CAN NO LONGER WADE INTO COMMENT battles time. but that time has gone. maybe i’ll go yell over at The Baffler?
I’m not sure when your friend’s articles were published, but the AS editors have started to crack down a lot more on obnoxious trolling in general. Another example – a few years back there was a thread on bisexuality which resulted in the usual gross, biphobic, erasing comments, and I had a back-and-forth with the eds about dealing with it. At the time they argued that it was better to leave them out there and show the huge, supportive backlash than to delete them, but they have since changed their approach and don’t allow those kinds of comments to stand anymore. They genuinely do try to listen to the community, take responsibility and make it a safer place for everyone.
Word, I think this was maybe happening around the same time as you? As the response to her was sort of in those lines and very…. shruggy? So I’m not sure. But good to know!
I know we’re not allowed to comment on how Papa Ortberg is hot, are we allowed to comment on how Brother Ortberg is hot? Please advise. (He explains Animorphs, so we can say we’re just admiring the hotness of his personality, if that helps!)
Uh oh, I just did this above and I did not know of the Papa Ortberg rule. I might be in trouble.
I say we hang our hats on the personality thing. Our jaunty hats.
AND I QUOTE, from the book of Mallory (aka the comments on the Futurama article):
“he is a precious little baby bear!! if any of you tries to touch him i will kill you”
but think of all the letters you could write to dear prudie about your murderous sister-in-law
No touching here! Hands are off.
That doesn’t say one single thing about not admiring his adorable eyebrows and jawline from a distance.
You guys are just lucky Mallory is slumbering. When she awakes, her rage shall be fearsome to behold.
IT’S NOT EVEN AN ORTBERG-SPECIFIC RULE IT’S JUST WEIRD TO TELL SOMEONE YOU THINK THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE HOT, NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THAT
I agree with this. I don’t want to hear that you find my sister attractive. She’s my sister.
That said, I could spend a week lost in your Dad’s eyes.
I agree with this heartily. I have two conventionally attractive brothers and several conventionally attractive cousins. Just don’t. Especially not on my facebook album of my brother’s high school. graduation party. He’s still 17! (emotional scars)
Total agreement here. Some adult once remarked that my small son was a “dreamboat” and it made me queasy for weeks
That sounds gross for a whole bunch of new and exciting reasons
omg that’s even worse i’m so sorry
Oh yes I HATE this, especially when adults talk about how my (very little) kids are so beautiful and going to be breaking hearts any day now! I have not ever hit anyone yet but it has gotten close.
Also people are obsessed with my children’s bare feet. I do not know why. Apparently the standard of good motherhood is socks.
I got much scolding for this too, especially when we lived overseas. (Germans, I love you but I’m looking at you.) The kids are big now (and have GIANT FEET) and they are okay.
I would get it if I was letting them run around a construction site or something, but the infant riding in his stroller with his bare feet? This is not a problem. Toes want to be free!
What is it with old people and the SOCK SHAMING ? My daughter refused to wear socks and always took them off. Old women would constantly accost me (in So Calif where it is never cold) and announce “This child’s feet are freezing!”.
I was home once during college and my younger sister’s friends all came into the house when she was a freshman and my little brother was a senior and they had apparently run into my brother on the way in and literally all of them spent the whole rest of the afternoon asking if my “hot brother” was single and it was THE ABSOLUTE WORST
WHY
also SIMON BOLIVAR BUCKNER QUE?!
I know, right? I kept rereading that, assuming I was getting something wrong.
Gracious me! Stanley Lombardo guest lectured in my Western Civ class, and Judy Roitman taught my husband modern algebra! I feel an even stronger connection to you and The Toast now.
seriously. the Stanley Lombardo link stole my eternal heart.
BriTANick! Oh my sweet, baby birds. I’ve spent many a drunk night making my friends watch all of their videos, and I recommend you all do the same. Especially “The Morning Routine” and the one with Joss Whedon as Nick’s bathroom coach.
That one is great! “You were a bird the WHOLE TIME!” has crept into my lexicon despite there being basically no context in which it makes any sense.
So I’m reading the new Zodiac book and I’m about halfway through. Elon Green wrote about it a couple of days ago: http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2014/05/zodi…
The first half is about a guy tracking down his birth parents and their story after they gave him up for adoption. So far pretty interesting. As I understand it, Laura doesn’t come in until the second part of the book when she’s already involved with Anton LaVey’s church.
Okay, so I might be way off-base here, but I think what’s bumming me out about that Baffler post is that it seems to be heavy-duty into policing the “voice” of Autostraddle (which, admittedly, I don’t read), and saying that queer women and folks who read sites aimed at queer women can only behave a *certain way* on the internet.
That is, it’s all right to be irritated or cranky lesbians, or smooth activist lesbians, or cute bois, or write about Important Stuff like religion. It’s not all right to create/belong to an online community that speaks to many facets of being a woman – some queer! some marshmallow-related – and to give them equal weight. And while it’s not silencing, exactly, it’s saying that, unless queers are doing Important Queer-Related Work, please just sit down and stop being 3D.
Also, an especial fuck-you to Diana Clarke for calling out Autostraddle for having an online store, only a few paragraphs south of the quote about how popularity =/= money-making. Connect your own dots, girl.
Right? 2005 called, it wants its tone-policing back.
AND the loveliness of Clarke tweeting a few days earlier about wanting to buy a Toast shirt! Because it’s okay for independently-owned lady-run websites not specifically about queers to sell merch, but not independently-owned lady-run websites SPECIFICALLY about queers to sell merch. Duh.
(I hope she never buys a Toast shirt. She doesn’t deserve Ollying Dirtbag Hamlet.)
Aaah! That one tree! I don’t know about it’s life outside academia, I’ve only encountered it on ALL THE BOOKS on the evolution of language. It almost makes me nostalgic… almost.
Aha, found a linguistics blog post on THE TREE Knew it was around somewhere
I’ve actually had Stanley Lombardo as a professor! We read excepts from the Odyssey in Greek, specifically focusing on Penelope and her journey and her thoughts/emotions/character. Lombardo would always read whatever Greek he wanted to talk about out loud, and it was the best. He never brought his bongos, though.
Oh! I heard him perform with the bongos, actually! It was the Aeneid, though, which I had just finished reading in Latin; going to see him was the reward for my 11th grade Latin class finishing out the year.
The year after that, actually, I interviewed him for a National History Day video on the Aeneid, and he was an incredible sweetheart. Very patient with two earnest high school nerds, totally blew our minds with the beauty of the Aeneid.
Go Latin students! I’m teaching the Aeneid right now, and I wish I had the opportunity to take them to see Stanley Lombardo recite it. I can only imagine how awesome that would be.
Every time I read a Baffler article, I get the feeling it was written by the protagonist of that Liberal Dude Erotica piece from yesterday.
The Autostraddle response was a thing of beauty, though.
I didn’t realize that the Baffler author is the same person who (righteously) criticized that n+1 piece calling The Hairpin a slumber party, and I’m somewhere between scornful and baffled. The most cynical part of my brain thinks that both pieces were capitalizing on a topical issue where she doesn’t have any real stance, but wants to choose the most profitable allies. Given that the LESS cynical option is that she thinks she’s well-intentioned, but thinks that queer women should be held to a different standard than not-explicitly-queer women…it does not look good for her.
I wish we could retweet comments:)
I’m glad I didn’t get to marry my favorite poet, because he was a real dick to his wife! But he wrote a nice poem apologizing for it. My favorite bit, right from the end:
At our age the imagination
across the sorry facts
lifts us
to make roses
stand before thorns.
Sure
love is cruel
and selfish
and totally obtuse—
at least, blinded by the light,
young love is.
But we are older,
I to love
and you to be loved,
we have,
no matter how,
by our wills survived
to keep
the jeweled prize
always
at our finger tips.
We will it so
and so it is
past all accident.
Wait – sourdough prospectors? I did not realize sourdough was a commodity that needed prospecting. I am intrigued…
Oh man. I’ve got a culture in my fridge right now. I could be sitting on liquid gold!
They carried their sourdough starter with them, (to make quick biscuits, pancakes, etc) and they were called “sourdoughs” because of this habit
In a leather pouch around their neck, if Jack London is to be believed.
I keep mine in the fridge, but I’m not a Prospector, so of course that doesn’t count.
Ahhhhh. I am actually impressing myself by the fact that I (sort of) know what sourdough starter is because I have seen it in cookbooks!
Back in the day it was a risky and rare venture, favored by only a few crazy-brave or foolhardy, but with the right luck you could make as much in a week panning for sponge as you could toiling for a whole year back East in the company-owned yeastmines.
MALLORY. THAT HAT GIRL.
Also you now have a new follower on Tumblr, a site that I have grown to love while simultaneously embarrassing the shit out of myself on it. I have also met some fellow Toasties on there so, that’s pretty awesome.
You want tenuous connections to classicists? Judy Roitman and Stanley Lombardo brought their cars to me when I was a dealership service advisor. WE’RE BESTIES BASICALLY
Yo, you know what’s “Cosmo for Queers?” Fuckin’ Cosmo.
(AND ALSO.)
Cosmo’s coverage of queer and feminist issues lately is, frankly, blowing my mind. COSMO of all places has our beloved Ask a Queer Chick! And Jill Filipovic is writing for them, and Jane Marie!
WAIT. THAT’S WHERE SHE IS????
Yes! If you look at her twitter (@seejanemarie) there are links to her stuff for Rookie and Cosmo. It’s so great!
Oh maaaaan that link gave me some feels. I have fears about look fat/ugly/”glowy”/riddled with acne in my own upcoming wedding photos. It was both awesome and nauseating to have someone nail that so succinctly, after living through it.
“…as if being a successful and profitable print magazine is somehow a shameful thing to aspire to.”
It is if you’re a WOMAN’S magazine, obviously.
That book cover phenomenon does not just apply to books about Africa. Images are frequently stolen/borrowed/misapplied to other genres as well. Some publishers and artists are shameless.
See this excellent article about an image that was widely copied from a successful book cover http://www.slate.com/content/slate/blogs/browbeat…
I’ve never seen a takeoff on the Keep Calm and Carry On t-shirt trend that I thought was truly clever, but I would buy the shit out of a Toast-made t-shirt in that vein that said “Just Continue to Exist, Pretty Much”. CAN WE MAKE THIS HAPPEN PLEASE
I could wear that.
Mallory, you’re made of 100% platinum glamor.
I think maritime archaeology would be really cool, if it weren’t for the fact that I can get seasick bobbing on an innertube in a pool.
The Bafflier piece about Autostraddle MAKES ME SO ANGRY. Fuck that writer. I’ve been reading Autostraddle for 4 or 5 years now, and it’s really changed over time. The editorial team has reacted well to a number of challenges, and stepped up in terms of content diversity.
The really infuriating thing is that if you’re a frequent reader of AS it’s easy to see that Clarke used about the most recent 1-2 weeks of posts to draw examples from. Weaksauce. She came up with a thesis and then found a website that fit that thesis, doing barely any research on the website as a whole.
Anyway I’m glad this was included in the Link Roundup because I’ve been waiting to rant about it!
I love this teaching style AND your username.
BREAKING NEWS: http://jezebel.com/worlds-most-awesome-cat-rescue…
The “Not all dogs…” comment is to die for.
It must have been said already, but godDAMN your brother is C-UTE.
It must have been said already, but godDAMN your brother is C-UTE.
We had to read Greek out loud in front of him once, and it was the most nerve-racking thing ever. Occasionally I'd see him around town, riding his bike to a local coffee shop.
And thanks! I love John Hodgman's books quite a lot, and his fake daughter's name was always one of my favorite jokes.
WHY would you tell us where the dress is from and not the hat? THE HAT. It is everything!