The Henry VIII Fertility Clinic -The Toast

Skip to the article, or search this site

Home: The Toast

cath4The Queens Consort IVF Center offers award-winning, internationally recognized, fertility assistance. We use state-of-the-art technology and innovative clinical approaches to help our patients, no matter how obscure the branch of the royal family, build healthy lines of succession. Your successful fertility treatment is the goal of our whole PFC team. We’re so confident that we’ll be able to assist you with your reproductive needs that we offer Queen Replacement Therapy in the event of barrenness.

A diagnosis of infertility can feel overwhelming and stressful for kings and couples who always assumed that primogeniture would come easily. At QCC, we see infertility as a workable challenge. Is childlessness a punishment from God? A divine sign that the pair in question is morally unfit to rule? Here at Queens Consort, we leave those questions to the priests. Our goal is to find you a healthy child, full to bursting with royal blood.

It is our commitment to address our patient’s unique set of circumstances, medical as well as non-medical. Our physicians, counselors and staff consider patient care a team effort involving superior medical treatment and ground-breaking technology in an environment that emphasizes a compassionate, whole-consort approach.

cath1Your initial appointment. This first step provides an opportunity for our patients to meet with a physician and together, discuss their personal medical history, ask questions and gain an understanding of the range of treatment options available for them. Initial consultations may be conducted via telephone or at our clinic, depending on what is most comfortable.

This is a complimentary, 30 minute consultation in which they will discuss the following with a PFC physician:

Medical records and personal health history
Fertility evaluation and treatment and any questions or concerns they may have
Any recently-committed mortal sins
Possible heretofore undiscovered incest that would necessitate an immediate annulment from the Pope
Accusations of witchcraft
Secret Catholicism
Possible treatment options

The Queens Consort IVF Center categorizes couples according to their unique set of circumstances and challenges. We tailor our recommendations according to your situation, not the other way around.

cath3Catherine of Aragon – Prognosis hopeful. While advanced maternal age can often become a factor, there’s encouraging evidence that reproduction is possible; lady-in-waiting surrogacy often proves fruitful.

Anne Boleyn – A complicated assortment of unique issues plague this particular pairing. Witchcraft and high treason may additionally complicate possible outcomes.

Jane Seymour – Prognosis quite good. A slightly elevated risk for immediate postpartum death of the mother.

Anne of Cleves – Prognosis poor. No actual reproductive sex has actually taken place.

Catherine Howard – Prognosis challenging. QCC maintains strict adherence to the Royal Assent by Commission Act 1541, which makes it treason, and punishable by death, for a queen consort to fail to disclose her sexual history to the king within twenty days of their marriage, or to incite someone to commit adultery with her. This is what happens when you marry into the gentry, frankly.

Catherine Parr – At this point we may have to consider male treatment options.

Add a comment

Skip to the top of the page, search this site, or read the article again