The Queens Consort IVF Center offers award-winning, internationally recognized, fertility assistance. We use state-of-the-art technology and innovative clinical approaches to help our patients, no matter how obscure the branch of the royal family, build healthy lines of succession. Your successful fertility treatment is the goal of our whole PFC team. We’re so confident that we’ll be able to assist you with your reproductive needs that we offer Queen Replacement Therapy in the event of barrenness.
A diagnosis of infertility can feel overwhelming and stressful for kings and couples who always assumed that primogeniture would come easily. At QCC, we see infertility as a workable challenge. Is childlessness a punishment from God? A divine sign that the pair in question is morally unfit to rule? Here at Queens Consort, we leave those questions to the priests. Our goal is to find you a healthy child, full to bursting with royal blood.
It is our commitment to address our patient’s unique set of circumstances, medical as well as non-medical. Our physicians, counselors and staff consider patient care a team effort involving superior medical treatment and ground-breaking technology in an environment that emphasizes a compassionate, whole-consort approach.
Your initial appointment. This first step provides an opportunity for our patients to meet with a physician and together, discuss their personal medical history, ask questions and gain an understanding of the range of treatment options available for them. Initial consultations may be conducted via telephone or at our clinic, depending on what is most comfortable.
This is a complimentary, 30 minute consultation in which they will discuss the following with a PFC physician:
Medical records and personal health history
Fertility evaluation and treatment and any questions or concerns they may have
Any recently-committed mortal sins
Possible heretofore undiscovered incest that would necessitate an immediate annulment from the Pope
Accusations of witchcraft
Secret Catholicism
Possible treatment options
The Queens Consort IVF Center categorizes couples according to their unique set of circumstances and challenges. We tailor our recommendations according to your situation, not the other way around.
Catherine of Aragon – Prognosis hopeful. While advanced maternal age can often become a factor, there’s encouraging evidence that reproduction is possible; lady-in-waiting surrogacy often proves fruitful.
Anne Boleyn – A complicated assortment of unique issues plague this particular pairing. Witchcraft and high treason may additionally complicate possible outcomes.
Jane Seymour – Prognosis quite good. A slightly elevated risk for immediate postpartum death of the mother.
Anne of Cleves – Prognosis poor. No actual reproductive sex has actually taken place.
Catherine Howard – Prognosis challenging. QCC maintains strict adherence to the Royal Assent by Commission Act 1541, which makes it treason, and punishable by death, for a queen consort to fail to disclose her sexual history to the king within twenty days of their marriage, or to incite someone to commit adultery with her. This is what happens when you marry into the gentry, frankly.
Catherine Parr – At this point we may have to consider male treatment options.
Tags: english history, family planning, fertility, henry viii, history, medical care, primogeniture, tudors, wives
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“At this point we may have to consider male treatment options.”
OMG. Mallory, thou hast done it again. XD
When I grow up I want to be Anne of Cleves.
Same.
Or Anne of Sleeves?
This is BRILLIANT.
I love it! Bosom friends with HenryVII, what a glorious dream!
“We’re so confident that we’ll be able to assist you with your reproductive needs that we offer Queen Replacement Therapy in the event of barrenness.”
*snort*
Hey, could I use this for my course on Henry VIII next spring? Might involve printing it out and handing it to students or adding a copy to the digital course packet.
(Yes, certainly, email might be more appropriate for this sort of question, but everyone seems to always be so on top of the comments…) (Also, yes, I know about Fair Use, but I’m much happier if I get consent from the creator.)
oh yeah go nuts dude
I like Catherine the Great’s fertility solution: your husband can’t/won’t have actual reproductive sex with you? No prob, just start sleeping with other dudes! Later, “accidentally” have your husband killed. 🙂
I just finished that Catherine the Great biography and basically she’s my new hero
Me too – Nicole’s description of “delightfully misandrist” is quite apt!
I just started it. So far it is really focused on really hating her mother. I see I have much to look forward to.
I’m in the middle of it! It’s great! Although I have to say that the dude who narrates it (I’m listening to the audiobook) has a ridiculous voice that he does for Catherine. It’s silly.
Catherine the Great is the best. Like, if you were a woman ruler in the 18th century, especially Russia, and the worst thing jealous dudes say about you is that you fucked a horse, you did pretty good.
Plus all her fabulous taste in furniture.
As I mournfully pour one out for Thomas Cromwell…
The Henry VIII Guide to Getting Rid of an Inconvenient Spouse.
Step One: Start your own church. Never leave the important decision of who will give you heirs to man who can’t even get married.
Step Two: Tell everyone she fucked her brother. If a brother is not available, an attractive servant will do.
Step Three: Oh god, never trust those diplomatic portraits.
Step Four: Your festering leg wound is sexy. Let no one tell you otherwise.
My intended and I have been watching The Tudors and he constantly refers to our upcoming nuptials as “Our Great Matter.”
Keeper
Reader, I … will marry him. 🙂
Haha. I love it.
Catherine the Great is the best. Like, if you were a woman ruler in the 18th century, especially Russia, and the worst thing jealous dudes say about you is that you fucked a horse, you did pretty good.
Plus all her fabulous taste in furniture.
“Any recently-committed mortal sins”
Hmmm. Define “recent.”
Reader, I … will marry him. 🙂
ARTHUR :((((((((
JANE GREY : (((((((
EDDIE VI : (((((((
MINOR TUDORS : ((((((
My sadness over Jane Grey has been going strong for thirteen years and shows no sign of stopping soon. 🙁
(ALSO ELIZABETH AND MARY GROWING UP WITHOUT THEIR MOMS. FUCK YOU HENRY.)
Haha. I love it.