The University of Texas (UT) at Austin’s School of Nursing removed “poorly worded” dress code signs Wednesday that discouraged students from wearing “revealing” and “distracting” clothing. Following backlash on social media, especially from prominent feminist groups, UT officials removed four signs, all posted in elevators on campus on Tuesday. The signs prohibited midriff-baring shirts, short shorts, short skirts, low-rise pants and low-cut shirts that reveal cleavage.
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A Canadian high school in Labrador City, Newfoundland, sent home some 30 students after they went to school wearing sleeveless shirts and with exposed bra straps. Menihek High School authorities said their attire was inappropriate and violated the school’s dress code.
The boys reported to school wearing sleeveless shirts, while the girls wore tanks revealing their bra straps.
The students were told their attire distracts the school community.
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“Maria Theresa Walburga Amalia Christina (13 May 1717 – 29 November 1780) was the only female ruler of the Hapsburg dominions and the last of the House of Hapsburg. She started her 40-year reign when her father, Emperor Charles VI, died in October 1740. Charles VI paved the way for her accession with the Pragmatic Sanction of 1713 and spent his entire reign MIDRIFF-BARING SHIRTS MIDRIFF-BARING SHIRTS MIDRIFF-BARING SHIRTS MIDRIFF-BARING SHIRTS.”
Tyler,
This essay starts off promisingly, but somewhere before the wars of Spanish Succession it devolves into the phrase “MIDRIFF BARING SHIRTS” repeated over four hundred times. This is the “YOGA PANTS BUTT GIRL” debacle of the Hundred Years’ War freewrite all over again. I’m disappointed.
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“Empress Maria Theresa repudiated the doctrine of religious toleration, despite carrying out numerous Church reforms during her forty-year reign. She also strengthened Austria’s international standing by reorganizing the military, instituting bureaucratic reforms and wearing spaghetti-strap tank tops…almost spaghetti-strap tank tops. It’s definitely less than two inches across, I can tell that much. It’s skirting the line. Skirting. Hah. What is mid-thigh, anyhow. I can see most of the…what do you call it…flanks. Austria Hungary was a town, or a guy, I can’t remember. I don’t know. I don’t know.”
Jeffrey,
It was still the Holy Roman Empire at this point; the Austria-Hungarian alliance didn’t exist as a unique entity until after Francis II’s abdication in 1806. And they’re not called flanks on a person.
***
“Upon the death of Maria Theresa’s father, several significant principalities, including Saxony, France, and Prussia all reneged upon the sanction they had upheld during his reign, thus igniting the War of Austrian Succession. Prussia invaded and conquered Silesia, which Maria Theresa herself would attempt to recapture during the Seven Years’ War of Mark’s not wearing sleeves today. You know those muscle shirts with the armholes that go down to like, a guy’s hipbones? God, what are those little muscles, the V ones, that some guys get down by their hipbones? Hip dimples? Jesus.”
Kyla,
Mark’s hip dimples did not play a significant role in the War of Austrian Succession. Also, and not to be rude, but Mark’s kind of out of your league. Your Hapsburg League, even (just an AP Euro joke there). C-minus. Not your best work.
Tags: distractions, dress codes, empress maria theresa, essays, learning environments, midriffs, school, sex, the hapsburgs
Yes, because (as everyone knows), teenagers require actually seeing skin and/or undergarments to become distracted with thoughts of sex.
To quote BTVS’ Xander: “I’m 17. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.”
I was thinking of a similar quote from the West Wing in which someone says, “Show a teenage male a condom and his thoughts will turn to lust” and Toby replies, “Show a teenage male a lug wrench and his thoughts will turn to lust.”
I went to a Catholic middle school, and during the colder months all of the girls (well, all of us actually) wore these ugly, baggy, school lobo-bearing sweaters. They were terrible. Did that mean I did not get distracted by the girls wearing them? No, no it did not.
I know “school-lobo” is a typo, but I want a world where the wolfbians are carried around in knitted baby bjorn by Catholic schoolgirls. New canon?
New canon!
A circle with a radius of 3 units is placed on top of a square whose sides all measure 5 units. Calculate the area of the square that is not covered by the circle. You may use your calculator.
A(square) = 5×5 = 25
A(circle) = 58008
A(square – circle) = 58008
58008
58008
Bra straps
I rest my case.
I want to become an AP Euro teacher now, just to make horrible puns while I’m grading essays.
(My spouse taught English to high schoolers for 13 years, and basically it was nothing but a stand-up routine with a bunch of captive-audience guys. Parents paid out the nose for private education and what they got was incessant puns about Shakespeare.)
I’m a corporate executive, but I have a (not-so-?)secret longing to be an AP Euro History teacher. The Hapsburgs are much more interesting than strategic planning and revenue forecasts (even allowing for bra straps and Mark’s hip dimples).
Hapsburgs, meet the Hapsburgs
They’re the modern Austrian monarchy
When you’re with the Hapsburgs
It’s a page right out of history
Let’s meet with the nobles down the street
Rudolph had some fun that can’t be beat
When you’re with the Hapsburgs
You’ll have a suicide and war time
Never a bore time
You’ll have a gay old time!
(Sung to The Flintstones theme song)
I’ll have you know that this has been stuck in my head for the past hour.
You’re welcome.
Brilliant. Utterly brilliant.
Marry me.
That’s pretty much all I did when I was an AP History teacher.
I feel like teaching high school is basically living “Sailing to Byzantium”.
Shakespeare would be so proud though.
Oh, Kyla, I am with you. Those hip dimples. Kee-rist. (FWIW, it’s apparently called the iliac furrow, or the Apollo or Adonis belt. Just so you know what to Google when you are looking for hot mens.)
eta: no I am totally not googling examples of this for the rest of my workday, whyever do you ask
Hip dimples are the best.
Even the NAME for them is hot. Iliac furrow. Whew.
My friends and I call those pudding cups.
As in, “I want to lick pudding out of those.”
I’ve heard them referred to as a “sex V”
(ladies can get them too OH MAN)
My absolute, all-time, 100% most favorite term for illac furrow? Cum gutter.
Yep.
Kind of a savage burn on Kyla, there.
Yeah, screw you Teach – Kyla can get any guy she wants!
I’ve learned more about pre-19th-century art and European history from this blog…
Mallory, this is a really cute concept but you know that nobody who gets distracted mid-sentence actually German rocket cats? That sounds awesome.
I wonder if I can fit the entire phrase “YOGA PANTS BUTT GIRL” on the butt of a pair of yoga pants.
this sounds like one of those phrases that would show up on clothing sold in Asia with badly translated/nonsensical english phrases
You should put flanks down the um well flanks as well!
I am going to start referring to attractive men’s thighs as flanks because generally when I’m talking about attractive men’s thighs it is because I have a desire to ride them like ponies.
And now all I can think about is that photoshoot with Tom Hiddleston lying soaking wet in the tub with the white tee shirt and black shorts hiked up his thighs. Hngngngngng.
Oh lord I just googled that….yowza. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of him where he *doesn’t* have bedroom eyes.
“Mark’s hip dimples did not play a significant role in the War of Austrian Succession.”
Well that’s what YOU think, teach. I’m pretty sure there’s a diary entry somewhere in that family that waxes lyrical about someone’s hip dimples.
You should put flanks down the um well flanks as well!
You're welcome.
oh boy, “distractions.” I’ve told this story before and I’ll tell it again: a few years ago I interviewed to be the English department secretary at a rich kid school and they asked me what I would do if one of the female student workers came to work dressed in an inappropriately provocative manner.
Well, I said, is there a dress code? Because (I said) if there is a written dress code that applies to all employees equally, I would provide her with a copy of it and ask her to conform to it; if she refused, I would follow whatever disciplinary guidelines the university adheres to, up to and including termination.
No no, that was not what they were getting at, and besides, this hypothetical student worker might be a volunteer not an employee, and written dress codes are not the point, they were trying to see how I would handle a delicate and potentially embarrassing situation that required me to make a judgment call, to put my foot down and not be a pushover. Did I see?
I did see, so I explained that since I was a responsible adult I did not make a habit of ogling the bodies of 18-year-olds, at least not at work, and certainly not ones I supervised, so I would be unlikely to recognize what they meant by “provocation” in the first place.
Even if I did, I continued, I would never tell a college student that their manner of dress might arouse and discomfit the middle-aged male professors who shared their office, as I felt that would constitute sexual harassment on my part and I would under no circumstances do such a thing.
so in my rejection email I got a line about how they had enjoyed talking to such an “interesting” individual as myself. fuck you too, American University!
You are a stone cold hero. Fuck them old dudes and their engagement with students as sex objects. Fuck them right in their elbow patches.
thanks man. I could have done better, I could have said, like, look, any English major who might end up working in this office is sure to be aware that male English professors as a class and as a set of walking stereotypes cannot control their boners or maintain their dignity under the normal conditions of daily life, because she is sure to have read at least one contemporary novel and/or taken a class here. and thus any young woman who, in the full light of that knowledge, refuses to consider her own bosom’s possible effect on her professors’ crotches, is a hero and should be celebrated and rewarded, not censured.
anyway they were definitely fucking with me, their next question was what I would do, if anything, if an elderly conservative professor were to photocopy an anti-abortion screed and put it in everybody’s departmental mailbox. (My resume features my time as NARAL communications intern, which I imagine is why this came up.*) I said some stuff, but I have no idea what the correct answer would have been.
* it occurred to me to strategically delete this line from certain job applications but I thought then, I will be damned if do that. where damned = employed.
[actually as I tell it and as I remember it now, I think that they were trying to prettly blatantly warn me without saying it that there were several sexist assholes in the department and if I were hired I would have to tiptoe around them. but also they were fucking with me too.]
As a student worker working in an English department right now, thank you so much. Fortunately, we’ve never had any kind of dress code, and I’ve frequently shown up in what a friend once described as “Daisy Duke” shorts without any kind of repremand. The one or two professors that blatantly objectify me hardly ever see how long my skirt is, I’m behind a desk, and I hardly ever wear spaghetti straps. The only physical attribute I’ve ever noticed making the slightest amount of difference is the tend to notice me less on days when I don’t wear makeup– and yet, lots of places consider women NOT wearing make up unprofessional! (and i only neglect makeup when i’m feeling really tired, so they might still objectify me, i’m just too damn exhausted to notice/look up when they pass by)
You are awesome. Also thank you for naming the school… they deserve to be OUTED. (I also have a mostly-unfounded dislike for AU, so…)
This is the only time I have heard of any problems at AU along these lines.
Well, it clearly wasn’t a university policy they were alluding to or even an English Department policy — the whole point and thrust of the question was that immodest female attire is a thing we all accept as a concept and as a consuming problem among the Youth & we know it when we see it. The idea was that it was a hard interview question since I wouldn’t be able to just point to a rule and say I’d follow it. It was supposed to test my diplomacy and people skills.
It was pretty obviously a point of consuming interest for my particular interviewers, who included at least one admin and one professor and I am sure that their sort of thinking is not restricted to AU. I have no idea about the school at large except as it is a rich kid school and I dislike it for that unrelated reason.
Oh, I was making a sarcastic allusion to this. But I’m glad to hear more about your bizarre story.
oops! and here I was trying so hard to be not AU-ist, I should have known better.
Also, there’s a pretty great book called “Bread & Wine” and in the beginning of it an old priest gathers his former students, now priests themselves, together for dinner. It is Italy, 1935. A young priest announces that he has recently had an article published on “the most pressing issue of our time.” The old priest is pleased to hear of this success, but deflated when it turns out that the article is on “modesty in dress.”
So, that’s what I always think of.
This is the only time I have heard of any problems at AU along these lines.
Oh, I was making a sarcastic allusion to this. But I'm glad to hear more about your bizarre story.
Also, there's a pretty great book called "Bread & Wine" and in the beginning of it an old priest gathers his former students, now priests themselves, together for dinner. It is Italy, 1935. A young priest announces that he has recently had an article published on "the most pressing issue of our time." The old priest is pleased to hear of this success, but deflated when it turns out that the article is on "modesty in dress."
So, that's what I always think of.
I am unbelievably disappointed that this is the only post tagged with “the Hapsburgs.” So few people appreciate Hapsburg humor!
“Not your best work.”
The most NIGHTMARISH way to tell someone you are disappointed in them
Oh lord I just googled that….yowza. I don't think I've ever seen a picture of him where he *doesn't* have bedroom eyes.