The Five Stages Of Lumosity -The Toast

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Stage I – Initiation

“I remembered my friend’s birthday, which is good.”

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Friend, are you troubled by persistent waking blackouts? Do you tremble and shudder and flicker out of consciousness when asked to recall basic facts about your acquaintances? Does your right eye fill with blood whenever you have to try to remember your PIN? Let Lumosity patch over those mysterious missing blank spots in your sick and addled mind.

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“Lumosity: Improving your brain through the science of neuroplasticity, but in a way that just feels like games.”

Lumosity: you can trust us. It doesn’t hurt. It’s normal. It feels normal. Good and normal. Just like a game. Won’t feel a thing. It’s normal, and you’re normal, and your brain is working better now than it was before. Before was bad. Now is good.

Stage II – The Audit

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“Going to the gym is easy. Any part of your body, you can move it. But you can’t move your brain. Until now. Now they can. At this stage it’s not, it’s not unusual if you, when you close your eyes, it doesn’t make a difference. I still see everything. I close my eyes and I can still see where I’m going. I open my eyes and I can see everything, but now I see what isn’t there, too. I see the white arms growing out of my head. I see the air squares. I see them. Soon I’ll see through them.”

Stage III – Saturation

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“It just seems like games, but it’s serious brain training. It was a game, and all I had to do was play. Now it’s not games. It’s science, and it’s real, and I can see in fourteen different directions at once. I don’t need my throat anymore. I had to sleep before, but I don’t know. I can lay in bed in a dark room, but in my mind, it’s a — I’m more than a complete galaxy in my own right. Can you hear the level of frequency I’m at? I will never get sick again. People fear what they don’t understand, but now I understand everything.”

Stage IV – Synergy/Assimilation

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Stage V – Full Compliance

The Golden Age of Tech II

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