Kirsten Morry’s previous work for The Toast can be found here.
When you’re a pedant who loves magazines about beautiful plutocrats, you sometimes notice mistakes. Here is a sampling of such errors from Vanity Fair’s Hollywood issue and two recent issues of Tatler (The world’s best magazine – Ed.)
Vanity Fair (March)
1. A discussion of Kim Kardashian’s ability to wear upscale clothes without having been given them for free by clothing companies refers to an item’s having been purchased by Kanye West, “Kardashian’s husband.” They were, at the time, merely affianced.
2. The phrase “grizzly murder” is used when said incident involves not one Ursus arctos, only the dark depths of human capabilities. “Grisly” is likely the intended rendering.
3. An advertisement for a luxury clothing company features a beautiful couple engaging in equestrian pursuits and a Shiba Inu dog. Somehow the latter’s thoughts were allowed to go unnarrated; indeed, multicoloured Comic Sans comments are entirely absent from the advertisement.
Tatler (January)
1. On page 52 it is posited that “the lovely thing about gorging like a ravenous beast over Christmas” is the impetus it provides for colonic hydrotherapy. In fact, Christmas gluttony is a source of joy unto itself.
2. A champagne advertisement states that life can be perfect. In fact, everyone encounters struggles and imperfections, even if simply within themselves.
3. The gadget reviewer describes herself as being “about 18 light years” ahead of the times in recommending a bed that makes itself in the morning. Light years, however, measure distance, not time.
4. Tatler pityingly prefixes both George Cadogan and Prince Michael of Kent with “poor.” The former is unenthused about someday inheriting a large quantity of London real estate. The latter does not like the portraits of him and his wife that hang in his Kensington Palace apartment. These problems do not warrant the degree of sympathy provided.
5. The piece that suggests plots and lyrics for musicals based on recent British aristocratic goings-on is distressingly short.
6. The “most pressing of problems” is not, in fact, what to wear between seasons. It is climate change.
Tatler (February)
1. Possessing a handbag costing two thousand, three hundred and fifty pounds supposedly “means you’ll be happy for all eternity.” A luxury purse can neither help one create and sustain meaningful human bonds, nor develop and accomplish important goals. Even if it could do any of those things, no purse can stave off death for a moment, let alone eternity.
2. An otherwise entertaining article on the outrageous prices of funerals fails to mention Jessica Mitford.
Tags: humor, kirsten morry, magazines, tatler
Ok, this is great, but that is a corgi, dog of queens.
Yeah definitely a corgi. Other than that, I adored this, especially the observation about light years. Like, tech review dude, do you even science? …Or whatever the current meme says. I am out of touch.
Hah, I skipped down to the first comment to see if this would be pointed out, and I was not disappointed. Corgis, dog of The Queens, Shiba Inus, dog of the Doges.
Errors in Posts About Errors In Luxury Magazines
I skipped as well to see if someone spotted the doggy difference (and I wish I came up with “dog of the Doges”-that was great!).
Even if it is a corgi, I still would like to know what it is thinking. Look at that face, it is thinking some thoughts there.
I wager that it’s pretty tired of this shit. That’s the sense I’m getting.
It is SO unamused by these equestrian plutocrats.
Exxxxxactly. That dog is clearly the most compelling character in the photo.
As an owner of a corgi I can confirm that is basically corgi shade.
“Watch this, she’s about to throw him off the half-horse by the neck. This guy has no idea.”
Well, everyone knows that corgis think in Papyrus.
The corgi appears to be thinking, “are you seeing this bullshit? This is bullshit right here.”
I wanna up vote this a million times.
Exactly. And if it’s anything like my corgi, its next thought is, “These fuckers won’t even play with me. I’m two seconds from biting their ankles.”
Whoops, my mistake! I also misidentified the animals on the Canadian territorial flags in my last post, so I will assiduously fact-check anything I say in future that specifies a dog breed.
FWIW, I looked at that picture like 5 times and each time thought the dog was a lion cub. Which seemed reasonable to me, in a crazy rich people exotic pet kind of way.
I already sent a link to this to my friend, requesting all future private doge memes between us feature only the Equestrian Bullshit doge. I will not be updating him. I hope he doesn’t read the comments today.
Just came down here to say that’s a corgi, not a shiba. I’m glad my people are on top of this.
I like to think that there’s an actual grizzly going around and killing people with the help of Allie Brosh’s Alot.
That’s alot of blood! A grizzly murder if I’ve ever seen one.
Yes yes yes yes yes
When scientists crack immortality, only the rich will be only to have it, and then theirs will be the last laugh.
Though, any ‘happy for eternity’ advertising will be have to be carefully reconsidered.
Uh clearly only the properly accessorized will be allowed into the eternal bliss of the kingdom of Heaven
That’s what makes it perfect
Like Prince Michael, I am quite displeased by many of the polaroid photographs that were taken of my person in youth. *sniff*
I am trying, in a general sort of bettering-oneself way, to be less pedantic about shit, but the phrase “grizzly murder” drives me up the fucking wall, because it creates actual confusion over whether or not a bear was actually involved.
“Gristly murder” is also annoying. What, was there a lot of cartilage?
right, it’s like, YOU WERE SO CLOSE and yet. And yet.
Quite possibly!
i have a strong urge to troll you right now but you say you are trying SO I WILL REFRAIN
BUT WAS THERE A BEAR INVOLVED OR NO? I NEED TO KNOW.
wait wait wait. so Princess Michael of Kent has a husband
and his name is
oh. everything makes more sense to me now. and less.
(only imagine being born ‘Baroness Marie-Christine von Reibnitz, the only child of the Silesian nobleman Baron Gunther Hubertus von Reibnitz, and his Hungarian-born wife, Maria Anna Carolina Franziska Walpurga Bernadette, Countess Szapáry de Muraszombath, Széchysziget et Szapár’ and then everybody calls you “Princess Michael” because ENGLAND. christ, England. no excuse for it.)
Those Zs are all the excuse one needs, it’s pretty awkward when the high-and-mighties all get to schmoozing with someone they think is nobility only to find out it’s just some nobody having a sneezing fit
Bravo.
oh god I used to be a fact checker for a luxury magazine (not either of these thank god, like even MORE luxurious oOoOoO) and I can guarantee you VF’s #1 and #2 errors would have actually gotten someone in trouble. I got anxiety flashbacks just reading this (and this piece is amazing)
Oh my god oh my god–I am sure you can’t say but I need to know literally everything about the magazine you worked for and this job.
YES DITTO
guys I want to so bad but I’m so scared of someone getting mad at me. I learned so much about RICH PEOPLE and how terrible they are
[the editorial staff had to go to one of those rah-rah-rah advertising meetings once — I think this was in 2011, 2012? so right at the tail end of the worst of the recession — and it opened with a slideshow of pictures of newspapers with headlines: “WORST RECESSION EVER” “HOUSING MARKET DOWN 20%” “NO STOCKS ARE GOOD ANYMORE EVER” “MIDDLE CLASS DOOMED 4 LYF”.
then the head of advertising got up and was like “GOOD NEWS BITCHES THO: the luxury market is booming! we’re doing great!” yeah cool thanks it’s booming because you’re literally causing the recession]
My friend worked as a fact-checker for a fashion magazine, and she was like “SHIT THOSE JOURNALISTS JUST LIIIIEEEEEEE”. She told me about an article a reputable Canadian journalist wrote that was full of mis-quotes and the like, and the journalist was like “meh this is a fashion magazine who cares”, which I thought was pretty funny.
yup precisely. don’t know a statistic? either make it up or pull it off… I don’t know, eHow or some site of that ilk
Haha this is fantastic!
This is the craziest thing I have ever heard: “On page 52 it is posited that “the lovely thing about gorging like a ravenous beast over Christmas” is the impetus it provides for colonic hydrotherapy.”
Pretty much. What is wrong with these people?
I would have thought the point of being infeasibly rich was not having to justify your unpleasant spa treatments to anyone.
Very insightful list of errors.
However, regarding the claim that “no purse can stave off death for a moment, let alone eternity,” I direct the author and interested readers to this Nov. 2008 news item from Today.com, headlined: Big Purse Saves College Student From Bullet
http://www.today.com/id/27665822/ns/today-today_n…
Looks like the TI-83 Plus in the purse was the real hero. Those things can do anything.
I actually can’t stand it when someone says “reign in” when they mean “rein in.” I would love to reign in my emotions, and no, I don’t care to rein them in. Also, I once wrote a letter to the editor of Vogue pointing out that whatever fashionable composer they had featured in their magazine was not the first to write a fugue in 5 parts. I WAS ENRAGED and in fact I still am!
I think my least favorite is “unphased” instead of “unfazed.” SHUDDER.
Set phasers to “we don’t know anything about grammar.”
SET PHASERS TO PRIVILEGED EXCLUSIONARY BULLSHIT
quick lets pull out our 401ks and see whose is bigger (mine it’s definitely bigger all my girlfriends say so)
Best comments of the day right here.
The equestrian clothing ad retroactively justifies every excess of the French Revolution.
But do you want to rain them in?
Set phasers to "we don't know anything about grammar."
Or reign them inn.
Oh, damn, gotta go… have to open a hotel called "Reign Inn" this very second.
Should the motto be:
We treat our guests like royalty
or
Sleep like a Queen
Decisions, decisions!