The Best Lines From The Summer 2014 Issue Of The New Pioneer -The Toast

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Screen Shot 2014-07-13 at 5.46.59 PM“A woman living on a remote farm up the road from me allegedly shot, killed and dismembered two men who were working for her, then fed the pieces to her pigs.”

“In the last issue we had the wrong phone number for master woodworker Wilson Jolly. The correct one is 334-415-8445.”

“My pickup hit a deer and killed it [on our first date]. When this happened, I thought to myself, this is a make-or-break moment. Arianna’s answer made it a make-it moment: ‘Let’s skin and butcher it. We can do it at my mother’s.'”

“Winemaking is a part of my survival mindset.”

“I think too many people have lost the ability to find food and water.”

“I like to save and mix this “scum” into my morning kefir.”

“Much as I love seed catalogs, my advice is to read them and then throw them away. They have no relationship to reality.”

“Are you ready for hard times? We are. The future belongs to those who prepare.”

“You can make money as a certified gunsmith in as little as 90 days without leaving home.”

“Mounds Of Fertility”

“Beehive frames can be very confusing.”

“Human hair (4- to 6-inch length)”

“Paralysis induced through a broken neck does not necessarily knock the bird unconscious.”

Photo caption: “The author enjoys a glass of mead in his dining room.”

“Suit yourself.”

“Ah yes, the collectors (also known as hoarders by their exasperated spouses).”

“The families lost their nonrefundable $500 deposits because, as it turns out, moving to rural Alaska is easier said than done.”

“It’s a lot of work, but if you’re afraid of work, you are wasting your time reading The New Pioneer Magazine.”

“Read a lot, search the internet, but don’t believe everything.”

“Ted Moews is arguably one of the leading designers of log homes in this country.”

“Make a No-Dig Worm Holder”

“If you’ve reached any tubes or bones, you’ve gone too far.”

“I don’t think growing vegetables will make us rich.”

“Now, I’m not saying that Jeremiah Johnson wouldn’t have used a chainsaw if he could have gotten his hands on one.”

“Most people find it easier to slice down the front of the neck, but that ruins the flap of skin that covers the neck hole when roasting.”

“These sacred objects were often guarded closely by wise men or priestesses. I like to use the stick that my dad passed along to me from his winemaking days.”

Photo caption: “Coco, a llama, does a good job protecting the goats.”

“You can fasten an ordinary office clipboard to your cleaning table to make the job of dressing pan fish much easier. The clip will hold the tail or head firmly while you scale or fillet your catch.”

“If you’ve never lived off-grid before, get ready for an abrupt change in lifestyle.”


“Tiger lives the self-sufficient, rural lifestyle, and he knows the importance of defending loved ones and property until the authorities arrive.”

“If you’re a fair woodsman, you can go into the forest with only a felling axe and build a livable log cabin.”

“He knows more about scythes than anyone.”

“If you’re a fair hand at blacksmithing, you should be able to bang out the head in two or three hours using traditional methods.”

“When I was a kid, cars had carburetors, teachers could and did handle classroom problems without child therapists and lawyers, bib overalls were a utility uniform not a fashion statement, and the sight of a knife did not generate mass hysteria, terrified looks and horrified comments such as, ‘What are you carrying a weapon like that for?'”

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