Toasties. What book are you reading right now? Also, why are lemons tarts superior to fruit tarts? Let’s stick to light-hearted pleasures this weekend, take a moment, a deep breath, and open thread like a mighty wind!!
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender
OOH BOOKS.
I am going on VACATION next week and my reading list is all set. I’ll be re-reading The Poisonwood Bible and the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society, and At Home, and reading for the first time The Book of Negroes. (And also re-reading Doomsday Book if I get around to it.)
Right now I’m just binge-rereading LM Montgomery novels.
Ohhh, I should re-read The Poisonwood Bible. I remember loving it so much.
i loved it too! its also a case study in misandry bc GIRL LEAVE YO MAN HE’S THE WOOOOOOOOOORST
You and I have the same taste in books! If you like the Poisonwood Bible, her new book Flight Behaviour is quite good! I ended up reading almost the whole thing in one evening because I was so into it.
Ooh I actually have that one on hold at the library but it didn’t come in time for my trip. 🙁 🙁 🙁
Flight Behavior is my very next book to read, sitting on my coffee table waiting for me! I’ve loved every single one of her books, except The Lacuna, which I just couldn’t get into.
Re-reading Doomsday Book is always a good decision!
I, too, will be on vacation next week (up at a lake cabin in WI with my parents & siblings & spouse!), and I can’t decide whether to just bring my Nook–I’ve got a bunch of romances I purchased but have not yet read–or the stack of YA novels I haven’t gotten around to yet.
Who am I kidding. I’m bringing both.
OMG! I just finished rereading Doomsday Book! I love Connie Willis. I also just finished Passage and to Say Nothing of the Dog, which are also so great…
I am also on vacation next week and am taking the new Elizabeth Gilbert novel (seemed like a good beach read!), Special Topics in Calamity Physics, and 100 Years of Solitude. And I have a bunch more books on my Nook just in case, and the current issue of GQ, which has Kanye- who I love & whose wardrobe I covet- on the cover.
I reread Jane of Lantern Hill and the Pat books this week. Is it just me or are the Pat books Anne of Green Gables but like three times more cynical?
I really like Jane (although it’s a lot of wish-fulfillment-now-things-are-awesome) but urghghg, I HATE Pat. Pat is pathologically attached to that house and she is just awful to Jingle. I’ll probably end up rereading them (and Magic for Marigold) just to make my rereading complete, but….urgh.
Jane is my FAVOURITE. The wish-fulfillment always makes me feel so warm and cozy, it’s like a big hug of a book.
I always heavily related to Pat’s attachment to things and dislike of change and weird love of trees, but she is a little bit too into Silver Bush. I’m glad that Jingle goes out and fulfills his dreams rather than sticking around and pining for her.
There are so many things I love about Jane–her grandmother is so evil!–but oh man, the adults in that book are not so hot. Grandmother is so evil–Aunt Irene is a snake–her mother is a pushover–and her dad is a bit of a snarky git. But Jane herself, I would like to be friends with.
I always thought I’d want to like Pat, because I also hate change and get attached to things, but Pat just doesn’t seem nice. And then May Binnie burns the house down, the end, Jingle comes back out of nowhere, and….I feel like Pat needed some therapy.
It’s true, the adults are shitty. I will, however, love reading about her mother’s fancy dresses until the end of time, even if she didn’t enjoy wearing them. I think I’m deeply shallow?
One thing I noticed this reread was the fact that Pat is wildly snobby and there’s a lot of classism. Like, May Binnie is so ‘low-class’ and talks all the time and has terrible taste, and the Gardiners are just so much BETTER than the Binnies. It’s even worse than the way the Pyes were pigeonholed as terrible because the Pyes didn’t have being low class depicted as part of their awfulness.
Oh yeah. Pat is a terrible snob. There’s a lot of classism without reason in Montgomery’s books–such-and-such family are “a cut above” some other family for no real reason. The Binnies seem to be fairly normal, I suppose, but if you listened to Pat, they were just this side of axe murderers or something.
I really do not see what’s so great about the Gardiners.
Jane is great! And as someone with pretty much all primary adults in my life like the grandmother, and with hoarder parents, Jane of Lantern Hill (where she gets her own space and learns self-care and housekeeping skills and can corral her–NORMAL–parents back into a semblance of family life) was delicious wish fulfillment out the wazoo when I was a kid. But I did used to wish that Jane could have one dependable adult in her life (besides Mrs. Jimmy John–I kind of wanted her to be my mom). I guess this is what they call projecting!
I just never liked Pat though.
I feel like Pat has Issues and I agree with aravisthequeen about how awful she is to Jingle (though I always do end up rereading the Pat books and Magic for Marigold, even though I don’t like them since Pat is kind of nasty and Marigold is a cipher), but for some reason I like reading small parts of Mistress Pat over and over again because of her and Cuddles and Judy (or whatever her name was–the usual “whimsical” Irish servant character) living together and gossiping, very often in a Bechdel-Test-passing kind of way.
I really loved the Guernsey book, it managed to be very cosy without actually crossing the line into twee.
That’s a perfect description! I kept expecting tweeness and it didn’t happen. I loved it too.
I started rereading Anne’s House of Dreams again for the first time in years! First I’d skipped it because certain older-generation feminists in my life were saying that Anne marrying Gilbert was a sellout and she should have been in a lonely cottage on a cliff somewhere composing literature in a solitary state (never mind that her story was also a quest for belonging in a community) and I’d retained this prejudice without thinking of why, and second because there was that bit about losing a child that I didn’t want to read as a pregnant person. But I really like it so far! It seems better somehow than Anne of Avonlea, which I could never get into.
I got a new job! And I am freaking out hardcore over it because my current boss is like “They’re an 80-hour a week company there are you sure you want this job” and I, like. Do not know if that is true or not. Because if it is true I am going to be miserable.
Your current boss sounds like maybe not the most disinterested source of information, though. Can you ask the new company about the hours/expectations directly?
Seconding this suggestion. If they get evasive when you ask, that’d be A Sign.
Have a look at the parking lot at 7 p.m.
A+ idea
That sounds like a person who does not want you to quit. When I left my job recently, one of my colleagues was like, “I understand why you’re leaving, I’m just not sure why you’re going THERE,” regarding my new job. I panicked for like a week. It turned out fine.
Yeah, that’s the consensus of basically everyone I know, but my jerk brain is still like “YOU ARE GOING TO HATE IT THERE NOTHING WILL EVER BE AS GOOD AS YOU HAVE IT AT THIS JOB” which… Probably objectively untrue!
Ha, when my husband left his last job, his boss pulled the same line. (“Oh. What an interesting choice. I’ll be interested to see how that works out for you.”) His new job is SO much better. I bet you’ll be just fine!
Current boss is just jealous and you’ll be fine. When I left my last job my then-boss said, “It’s a different culture over there. You have to punch in and punch out. Can’t be a minute late over there.” Which is…not true, and I’m still not sure where he got that from. Likely made it up.
Also, lemon tarts are not superior to fruit tarts how dare you.
Yes, they are. But we all get to choose. Freedom to choose includes the freedom to be wrong.
If someone would deliver a lemon tart and a fruit tart to me in my chambers, I’d be happy to render judgment.
Yes, extensive testing is necessary.
Agreed.
Now, what’s the verdict on the tarts which have fruit and custard? Because I think I would take them over all other tarts.
Oh god anything with custard is superior to anything without.
Custard on its own is basically my ideal supper.
I’m agnostic on the point, but will like any comment that ends in “how dare you”.
I am finally reading Cuckoo’s Calling, after finding it at my grocery store! Looking forward to the next one, am only on chapter four no spoilers plz XD
So much love. I finally got around to it last month and was really happy I’d waited so long so that I could read The Silkworm not too long after.
I was worried I wouldnt feel as attached to her new characters as I was to the Potter Gang but I *love* Cormoran and Robin!
Wheel of Time, for ever and ever and ever. And lemon tarts are just simpler and don’t have all that distracting fruity pulpy texture. Fruit tarts have their place, but lemon tarts are clearly more refined.
ETA: Not for ever and ever by choice, but because that’s just how long this series is. Has anyone finished it? Is it worth the slog through books 7-10?
WOT! And lemon tarts! From this comment alone I can infer you are a wonderful human being.
And yes, I’ve finished the whole series – the last four books ENTIRELY make up for 7-10. 14 is my favourite of all of them, actually.
Spot on. Yes, they’re ungodly slow. But hang in there. Eventually that horrible Perrin-Faile-Aiel plot line DOES get resolved. The last one is amazing. Just literally amazing. I had all of the feels.
I skimmed through the Perrin-Faile-Aiel plot line, it was too stupid. I think Robert Jordan had a difficult time killing off characters off, but I really wanted either Perrin or Faile to die so it could just be over.
I’m so in love with the Smitten Kitchen lemon bar recipe, because I can just throw a whole lemon in the food processor and BAM, filling. (With sugar, butter, etc.)
What about the seeds? Do you have to pick them out? Or do they get all smashed up?
You slice it into rounds and pick the seeds out before throwing them in!
But you don’t have to juice it or zest it or any of that boring stuff.
The YEARS of my life lost to this series. I’ve read the whole thing twice. Except the very last book (saving for special occasion, I guess?) Rather sad to admit it but the last books with Brandon Sanderson at the helm are a definite improvement over the last few….
I quit reading this after book 3 or 4. But that is because I hated it. I hope it goes well for you! People really like it.
I started book one several months ago and found it really hard to get into. Does it get more interesting? I mean, sure it’s interesting already but surely lots of horseback riding and people whispering about old secrets that nobody wants to talk about gets old after a few dozen pages. If I wanted that, I’d read LOTR.
Books two through four were pretty interesting, but after that it begins to slow down. I mostly keep reading because I can’t tell what Robert Jordan’s getting at with his whole yin/yang thing and I want to find out (although a big part of me is pretty sure I’m not going to like it).
Although the repetitive detail gets boring, (I’m often reminded of the first few pages of every Baby-sitters Club book) the plot is pretty good. And I’m sort of in awe of the complex (if sometimes problematic) world Jordan has created.
How far did you get in book 1? It picks up when they leave the Two Rivers on the way to Shadar Logoth. If you don’t like it by that point, I think you probably won’t like it.
I got to the part in their journey where they arrive at a gated city and everyone has a bath. That’s about all I remember! I can’t say it’s boring per se, but another book grabbed my interest more and I just didn’t feel that interested in going back to it. I feel I should at least finish the first book though, before I can truly say it’s not for me.
For me, it picked up just about immediately after that part. Then it will get boring again for a little while, and then it will pick up again and race for the finish.
It is worth finishing. I’m not sure if I like the ending, but it definitely gets better towards the end.
That said, I got rid of all my WoT books after reading the last one because I knew that if I kept them someday I would decide to reread them, and life is too short.
I liked the last book a lot, but I’m not crazy about The Ending, and I’m annoyed that a bunch of things were not resolved.
That series is LONG AS FUCK. And I’ve read it through (except the ones co-written by Brandon Sanderson) at least three times, because I’m a sucker. 9, 10, and 11 are SUPER boring, you can honestly go find the Tor.com re-reads for a chapter-skimming and get the info you need (http://www.tor.com/features/series/wot-reread). Because RJ’s editor was his wife, I think she let him dink around in the text more than anyone needed, whereas a better editor would have been like “STFU about the Tairen nobles’ formal gear, nobody cares beyond a sentence LET ALONE THREE PAGES.”
That said, Brandon Sanderson did a magnificent job finishing them, he’s obviously a big fan, and he wrote women better than RJ ever could.
Early open thread! I’m reading The Way of Kings right now, and also excerpts from Tiny Beautiful Things when I need it. I haven’t been a huge fan of most of the high fantasy I’ve read, but I got really drawn into Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn series, so I decided to try this one. So far it’s…okay? I feel like I’m making an investment in the characters, and they’ll get to be more fun later. But I just got through the first part, and now he’s leaping into three “interludes” which are practically whole new worlds with whole new protagonists, and I am not sure if I’m going to make it through. Has anyone read this, and is it worth continuing?
My friend says that the first book is good but also mostly setup and the second book gets really good and is worth it. I’m still on the fence about whether I want to make the commitment, even though I really liked Mistborn and Elantris
Put it this way: I am not a crier. I cried like a baby on public transit when Book One hit its climax.
Yes, it is worth continuing. He does the Sanderson thing where you think you know what’s going on, and then at the end of the book he drops a load of bricks on your head.
That is pretty much the entire reason I read Sanderson books. They’re like puzzles, but with worldbuilding.
Is everyone else sick of sanderson’s hard on for monarchy or is it just me for now?
FLAIL I LOVE WAY OF KINGS!!
READ IT! READ. IT. !!!!
TRANS REPORT #5 and 6
So, this week I had my first consultation for hair removal! The technician was super nice and explained everything well, which I think is necessary when someone is going to be burning tissue off of me with a laser. (She said that I was going to be really pretty, which I appreciated. Though I have to ignore the implication that I am not pretty now. BUT that seems to bury the lead, which is that I am going to be sexy. 😀 ) The three test spots that she did weren’t that bad, but we’ll see how a face full o’ lasers feels next week.
Other than that, I’ve been trying to center myself in my true identity. I realized recently that I am going to have to practice writing my new name, in print and in cursive, so that it seems natural if I am called on to fill out forms or sign things in the future. Which is likely!
On a deeper level than writing, though, I’m still getting used to asking certain people to use the proper pronouns and name – it is only certain people because I’m not socially transitioning yet. I haven’t even asked my therapist to use them. 🙁 I’ve resolved myself to ask my therapist and my doctor to use my name and pronouns the next time I see them. It just doesn’t intuitively feel like a legitimate thing to ask when I don’t look like a woman yet, but I have to remind myself that I’ve internalized misogyny and transmisogyny over my life and that has an effect on my beliefs. Just because I don’t look female doesn’t mean that I’m not.
I guess right now I’m just feeling pretty frustrated and I’m starting to have a more palpable sense of gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a lot of things and is different for everyone, but in part right now for me it feels like I am continually car sick. The theory on how car sickness works is that your brain can’t reconcile the movement in your peripheral vision with the non-moving car interior that occupies your central vision. For me, it is always seeing my unchanging body without reconciling or seeing the changes going on around me.
(As for books, I’ve been reading Girl Goddess #9. 🙂 )
Even if the laser hurts the first time don’t freak out–it gets easier and easier as the hair starts to get less dense.
I’m sorry you’re in a tough spot right now but you are doing GREAT. Your metaphor about car sickness makes so much sense to me.
Seconding the don’t-freak-outness re: lasers. I had them done on my bikini area and also under my arms — which was a super sensitive spot, for me — and it definitely got easier/more tolerable after the first session, and I also started noticing definite results after, like, round two (and I have really thick, stubborn hair, so that was a pleasant surprise).
Also, my hair removal tech liked to gab about tattoos the whole time, so that was fun!
I’m excited for you!
Oh man I love Girl Goddess#9. Those stories have stuck with me since I first read it when I was 15.
1. Happy for you!
2. Proud to know you! Go you!
3. Patience: a) first with yourself, and b) with those who stumble with pronouns while you transition
4. Premedicate! Take ibuprofen before your laser sessions, as well as after. Or whatever works for you. No, not alcohol.
1-2. Thank you so much! I’ve needed encouragement lately. 🙂
3. I’ll see how it goes once more people are in on my transition, but it’s not been that bad so far actually. The main problem is actually working up the nerve to ask.
4. They gave me a 2.5% lidocaine cream for that. Honestly, I shouldn’t feel a thing!
Dang, that carsickness metaphor. Thank you for sharing that.
Go go go! I fully support your resolution. I bet you will feel AMAZING after you ask your therapist and doctor to use your name and pronouns.
As a ciswoman who has been approached from behind and addressed as ‘sir’—reader, I was wearing a skirt— I can tell you that you will never be womanly enough for everyone. What matters is that you know the truth of your life and that the people who love you honor it. And the people you pay to care for you absolutely must honor it, or you find new ones.
You are right. I’ll try to think of this next time I feel antsy about things. Thank you for your thoughts!
(Also, I appreciate your use of em dashes instead of hyphens. 🙂 )
Em dashes forever!
Thinking good thoughts for you, ocwut!
When I had laser hair removal on my underarms, they insisted that 6 sessions would be enough and it wasn’t, really. If I had it to do over again, I’d have them use a higher level earlier in the process, because I was fortunate and didn’t experience any discomfort.YMMV, of course, and naturally face skin is more sensitive than underarm skin, but don’t be afraid to tell them to crank it up IF you’re feeling like you can handle it.
I have read MORE BOOKS in the past month that I did in the previous 6, I think. Proof that Boston agrees with me. Right now I’m in the middle of North and South and also Busman’s Honeymoon. Both of which are good, in different ways.
Oooh I just read a bunch of Peter Wimsey novels last month! So much fun, with occasional unsettling casual antisemitism. Did you read Gaudy Nights first? I LOVED GAUDY NIGHTS.
I read Gaudy Night FIRST. Like before any of the chronologically earlier books.
Gaudy Night’s one of my very very favorites!
Ha, I remember on the Hairpin everyone was gushing over Gaudy Night, so I figured I’d give it a try. I was liking it fine, and then woooah casual antisemitism. I finished the book, sold it to Half Price, and haven’t picked up any of the others. No thanks.
Have you watched the BBC version of North and South? The guy is almost better at being broody than Darcy.
Oh yes, indeed. Reading the book is actually an experiment – do I really like the story or was I just enthralled by Richard Armitage? So far the book has been surprisingly engaging and readable.
This might sound dumb, but I find those kinds of books so much more enjoyable to read after I have watched a production of them. It’s just much easier to keep track of dozens of characters with similar names when you have a face (actor) to put it to!
I don’t think that’s dumb at all – I prefer watching Jane Austen stories to reading them, full stop.
I watched the BBC version before reading the book, too, and I felt like Richard Armitage’s interpretation was just spot on. And normally I always feel like there’s a big difference between the characterisation in the novel and the adaptation.
SAME.
Having recently moved to a new apartment with no roommates, no TV, and only spotty, slow internet, I have been positively DEVOURING books for the first time in ages, and it has been glorious beyond imagining. My first weekend after moving in was spent at a book sale, where I loaded up four grocery bags of books for the princely sum of a $7 donation to the library and between that and wearing out my new library card and the wonder that is the interlibrary loan, I’ve no doubt plowed through more books in six weeks than I had in the previous six (miserable, depression-fogged) years!
I just finished Helen Oyeyemi’s Boy, Snow, Bird, and while I enjoyed most of it (I used nearly an entire book of sticky page flags marking notable passages), it went off the rails in a pretty out of the blue and offensive way at the end, which kind of ruined the entire book for me. 🙁
Toasties, do you have any suggestions for chronic not remembering when you have things to do? I find myself CONSTANTLY overbooking because I can’t remember when things are scheduled and overdrafting my bank account because I’ve forgotten when automatic payments come out, and I feel like an ass (rightfully so.) Google Calendar was suggested, and I’ve started using it, but I hate how I can’t set a recurring task as opposed to a recurring event. I just want to remember when my Netflix payment gets pulled, you know?
Could you treat a recurring event like a task? I have events that are set to email me a reminder a set amount of time before they occur, and if I need to, I can always star them in Gmail to come back to. Buuuuut that does depend on you having a handle on your inbox, which a lot of people don’t.
My gmail inbox ends up being this void that never gets deleted because, well, I have infinite space, don’t I? But email reminders are a great idea, at least that would trigger the “hey you, remember this is getting withdrawn, right??”
I do pretty much that, and since I have an android phone and google is creepily over-integrated, reminders come up on my phone, too. So even if I’m not at my computer for a day or two, my phone bugs me about stuff.
You could have a Task Calendar and a Money Calendar, where you treat tasks and payments like events? Then you can view them separately or on top of your other calendars. I used to have a loan payment that I set as a recurring event with an email reminder, and that helped a lot with managing to actually pay.
Oh, I like that idea! I keep forgetting that I can set up multiple calendars, and that will definitely work for layering/remembering purposes!
I just post ’em as events with a reminder. Payday, garbage day, amazon prime renewal, yadda yadda. It’s not the same as checking a task off as done, but the important thing is that I remember, at least.
Yeah, I do this on my phone with two reminders—one the day before, one a few hours before the event.
Like Elyse, I’m terrible with remembering when things need to happen.
As a non-calendar idea – I was having the same problem, and constantly recalculating and getting it wrong, and finally I opened a second checking account. One has all my bills & automatic payments coming out of it, as well as any checks I write, and another is my discretionary money. I have a list on my phone with the dates things get withdrawn, so I can check to make sure everything’s coming out properly, but this way I don’t have to worry about overdrafts in either account because it’s easy to see how much not-bills-money I have.
This is the best idea here.
It also helps to be An Old. Got started paying bills a decade before automatic payments were possible. So I will never live a weekend without checking the tickler to see if I should write and mail checks.
I love me some automated tech, but have never agreed to auto deductions from bank accounts because we move so often. Changing banks so often really confuses retail folk, including retail banking folk.
I’ve had so many issues with automated payments anyways, I just have a time set for Paying Bills. Once a month, everything gets paid at that time, and it is a big relief to be done with it and KNOW that the money went out, where it should, when it should.
I know this is definitely something I should be doing, because my father is always harping on me about not using the register in my checkbook when I buy something with my debit card & such, but I just cannot force myself into that habit. I’ve tried and failed so many times that it hardly seems worth it for me to start doing it again because I know I am inevitably going to fail.
Could not make debit cards work for us. We found my beloved does better with a credit card for expected expenses such as gasoline and medications. I pay that off in full each month. He withdraws a set number of dollars in cash weekly for discretionary spending. He stops spending when the dollars run out and waits until the next weekly cash infusion.
High-five for tickler files!
I do this too. I use Simple for my discretionary account, which I love because it has a really great “goals” feature – you tell it “I want to buy a $200 Tom Bihn bag next May” and it calculates how much you need to save per day and keeps a running tally – and deducts that amount from the great big “available-to-spend” balance that shows up at the top of your account or when you log into the app. So, like, I have a couple hundred bucks in there right now, but it’s almost all going toward long-term spendy things, so really I only have about $15 in casual cash to spend this weekend, and it makes it really easy to see that.
That is awesome – is it easy to transfer money to/from Simple and other banks?
It is ridiculously easy, you can even set up one connection and transfer money both ways (which my other bank won’t let me do). And you will want to do that, because they do have some restrictions on how much you can deposit in checks and things like that, since it’s an exclusively online bank.
Hm, interesting. Do you receive paychecks automatically deposited? Do you have it put some money into both accounts, or just the one and then manually transfer over yourself?
I’m wondering if sitting down with a Professional (read: not dad) of some variety to go over my finances and figure out exactly how much I spend where and on what and set up a plan of attack on how to approach them would be worthwhile.
My whole paycheck is direct deposited into the bills account and I do some math (subtract my standard bills, savings I manually transfer, anything special – for example recently, a check for my passport renewal), then manually transfer whatever remains to my discretionary account.
You don’t necessarily need a professional – You Need A Budget or Mint might be helpful to get you started tracking expenses, or even an excel spreadsheet.
Other people’s suggestions seem excellent, and might be just what you need, but I also wanted to mention Mint.com for budgeting/bill reminders/savings goals. It’s free, and it has helped me a lot.
Mint accesses your bank account info (but I have never had a security issue with it) to help you keep track of your spending. You can set up monthly budgets (groceries, gas, spending $, etc.) and it tracks how you are doing with them and emails you if you go over budget. You can set up reminders for your bills (it just emailed me to let me know I have student loans due in a week). You can also set a goal, like “I want to have $XXX saved up by May 2015 so I can move into my own apartment instead of living with roommates”, etc.
Plus, you can look at all kinds of interesting infographics tracking your spending in different categories over time/net income/etc.
I actually have a Mint account, but for some reason it never automatically picks up the bills I need it to? I think I need to wipe my account there clean and start over because I started using it well before I moved and had substantially more bills/other things to pay.
The infographics are great, though!
Yeah, it doesn’t always work perfectly for me either (it sometimes has a delay/trouble refreshing to get updated info from my bank), but it has still been somewhat helpful.
I hope you figure out a system which DOES work for you! Good luck!
My only problem with Mint is that it will email me about large deposits/withdrawals about 2 days after they happen. So I get an email from Mint saying “large deposit in your checking account” a couple of days after I got the email from my bank that my paycheck was deposited.
Yeah, I have a separate “bills calendar” in Google Calendar that alerts me when stuff is due. Speaking as someone who resisted calendars and life organization for a really long time, you gotta just hack the things that exist into filling the functions that you need. There are no tools that behave exactly the way you want them too, and at least for me part of my frustration was that I was annoyed to be needing to use the tools in the first place because my big good special brain should have been enough. Also because I am kind of a heinously stubborn person, you know? One of my best and worst qualities.
For bills, I actually have a google calendar just for major recurring payments, and I set them up as recurring events.. It lists the bill and the amount (assuming it is fixed, like my student loan or my rent). It is a separate calendar from my main “life” one, so it is is its own color (green, b/c money) and I can toggle it on/off as I am looking at things. I also list in it when I am getting paid and when my timesheets are due (I have two jobs, so it’s helpful to see when pay periods and pay days are for each of them).
So, for example, this week, on Wednesday I had “Company A Timesheet due” and today I have “rent – $550”. I don’t have email reminders set up, but you can do that; you can also set up text or other reminders. I mostly just look at my calendar when I am trying to figure out when the next payday is or whether or not I have any bills due this month.
This is not totally the point, but You Need A Budget convinced me to build a buffer into my checking account, so there’s always money there for paying bills, and now I never overdraw. I don’t have a full month buffer, for a variety of reasons that work for me, but now I have always at least a few hundred extra bucks in there, instead of yanking them all into savings accounts.
Hmm, I’m just starting Bad News (I read the first one and it was really beautifully written and also horrifying, so…) and I’m in the middle of avoiding Ada or Ardor, which I’ll be avoiding my whole life probably. In other news I’m about to go on vacation to Canada and I’m really excited! I know I’m not the only Canadophile on the Toast, but none of my friends IRL get it. Poutine! Tim Hortons! Maple Syrup reserves! What’s not to love??
Ooh where are you going???
First a weekend in Toronto, and then I’m off to a big-ass park to canoe and hike for 5 days!
Going to Algonquin Park? Lucky you! It’s gorgeous.
Yep! My plan is to not leave until I’ve seen a moose, so I may be there for the next couple of months. Have you been? Is it 80% bears?
I am the worst for this because I lived in New Brunswick, Moose Capital of Canada, for three years and never saw a damn moose. You may be a bit out of luck because spring and fall are the best for moose-spotting (so like April to early June, then Sept/October), but they do indeed live there!
The bears are really not anything to be scared about as long as you are sensible about things (like not rubbing yourself in meat before going to bed) and honestly if you’re going to be in the well-travelled spots, it’s going to be pretty crowded this week (because it’s a long weekend in Ontario) so I don’t think any bears will be about.
Meat rubbing was the part I was looking forward to the most… 🙁
I went to Toronto last year and completely lost it in all the poutine. I recently read that there’s a hot dog place not too far from my current location that makes a POUTINE HOT DOG and I’m just stoked about finding squeaky cheese in the States!
um, that is the shit. I would eat the hell out of a poutine hot dog.
Wooo Canada! Have a wonderful trip! There is nothing not to love!
(Except the weather and the mosquitoes).
TIM HORTONS.
Have you read the Scott Pilgrim graphic novels? Amongst their many other find qualities they are kind of a love letter to Toronto.
I just finished a mediocre YA book that I got from Goodwill for a dollar. The premise was interesting, but I should have known better the moment an animal that was clearly a horse was referred to, in italics, as a hruss. A HRUSS. IT’S A GOD DAMN HORSE. Also there were tangentially related animals called urbears and wezels. Like. YA authors. I know you love italicizing things. But please pick something other than horses, bears, and weasels to rename.
What was it? That sounds vaguely familiar!
Singer in the Snow! I saw the Firebird imprint and was hit by a wave of nostalgia. Damn you, nostalgia.
Nostalgia is dangerous! And I haven’t heard of that… so it must mean I read some other book that did something similar. Sigh. I love YA, but it has its issues!
For some reason “wezels” totally cracked me up, so thanks for that! Your time spent with a mediocre book was not for nothing 🙂
I played the South Park game (dirtbag moment from last month??) and there’s a line where a Canadian says, “Be careful of the Direwolves. They’re like wolves…but they’re dire.” Nailed pretty much every crappy fantasy book for me.
Direwolves are a real thing though!
They’re like smaller, deader timberwolves.
That plus “fancified” regular names is one of my biggest pet peeves in fantasy novels. Oh the girl’s name is Alys instead of Alice? Not. Okay.
IDK has it become more okay now that real people have every possible goofy phonetic spelling of a name? Crystyn could be the lost princess of Anah-Ur, or she could be reading you the dinner specials.
Does it help knowing that Alys was one of the 18 ways that they actually spelled it in medieval times?
It is like the Tiffany problem, where Tiffany was a pretty common medieval nickname but if you put a character named Tiffany in a fantasy novel everyone would be like ‘Why is this author using 80s girls names?’
Oh my good gracious, I am delighted to learn this data! I must share!
Girls born on January 6th were named Theophania (god appears) because that’s the feast of Epiphany; where the magi visited baby Jesus and were like “Yup, definitely a baby god.” Epiphany means that the nickname was often Tiffany!
Yes!
My other fun naming tidbit: We were proofreading an ebook of 17th century love letters (which were lovely and surreal), and we noticed that the guy spelled his OWN NAME differently from letter to letter, like he was sounding it out every time and writing down a phonetic version of it.
That combined with reading enough Medieval history to see Queen Alix/Alex/Alice/Alys/Alice and Eleanor/Alienor/Alenor/Elinor/etc of Acquitaine and stuff has made me realise just how much weirder the written world was before standardised spelling. And then the people who did the spelling standards were supposedly trying to make English look MORE LIKE Latin so they added extra letters! Weird, weird, weird. I love history. 🙂
I never read her YA novels, but I enjoyed some of her adult novels! (Disclosure: I actually took a Science Fiction and Fantasy Writing class from the author, and she was a great teacher.)
This xkcd came to mind immediately: http://xkcd.com/483/
I’m giggling my head off over “urbears.” URBEARS.
I’m almost done with Cetaganda and just started The Noonday Demon. So…that’s a weird clash of writing styles/topics.
Oh, Cetaganda! I should really re-read those.
I’ve got a Kindle Cloud window open on my work computer RIGHT NOW with A Civil Campaign in it.
*faintly spoilerish* But if you get all the way to Memory it won’t be quite such a clash! */faintly spoilerish*
PSA: Reading Memory a month before your thirtieth birthday is a recipe for despair and disaster, even if you have not recently lied to your superior officer. I do not recommend it.
Good news, everyone!
At the rather advanced age of *mumble* years old, I have finally learned to ride a bike!
And I haven’t even maimed anyone. Yet.
Congratulations, Dr. Farnsworth!
(I use “Good news, everyone!” all the time, constantly, even when it is inappropriate. I come home and greet my cats with “Good news, everyone!” because they look at me like I’m insane.)
“Good news, everyone!” is my husband’s text message noise. It still cracks me up even though he gets a lot of texts so I hear it a lot. The best is when we meet new people and they hear it and we instantly find out just how good of friends we’re going to be.
OH WOW, congrats! I’m 34 and never learned. But neither did my husband, so it’s one of those strange things we have in common with each other and no one else.
I never learned! My mother claims that my dad tried to teach me when I was a kid, but that I refused to try because I was too scared. Which sounds like something I would do, but you’d think they’d have insisted instead of letting me wallow in pint-sized defeatism and anxiety.
Congrats! I grew up in an area made entirely of steep hills and gravel, so my bicycle riding skills are tenuous at best. I tend to run into things and have absolutely no feel for how wide the damn thing is.
Now I live in an area filled with trucks that would probably try to kill me, but I could have such a great bicycle commute if I weren’t so terrified of the entire concept (it would be about 80-90% greenbelt/ park paths and take only marginally longer than driving. I should really get on that).
Good luck with the continuing to not maim people!
MAJOR PROPS. I still don’t know how to ride a bike, but I sometimes think about trying to learn.
Yaaaaaay!!! Like winterbymorning, I refused to learn to ride a bike as a child, because it involved 3 of my least favorite things: 1) not being good at something; 2) getting hurt; 3) getting dirty. So I got to the “taking the training wheels off” stage and just nopetopussed out.
But then a very dear dedicated cyclist friend agreed to teach me, so I learned in a park at the age of 27. We did a full hour and a half of just stopping and starting. Learning on grass was great because there was less chance of injury and it’s actually much harder than on pavement so I felt like I was flying when I actually got on the path. It’s SO FUN! I’m still not the most talented/dedicated cyclist (I still hate hills) but I’m SO GLAD that I finally did it. Any toastrons on the fence, go for it!!
Congrats! I fully empathize as I am—at the advanced age of *cough cough* years old—learning to drive. Never had to in Europe, and then never had a car when I moved back to the States. My dad gave me a beat up on Subaru he couldn’t take to Hawaii with him, so… yep, learning to drive.
I hope you’re having fun learning!
I was 30 when I got my first driver’s license.
This comment thread has made me feel not so alone in my negligible bike-riding skills. I did it, once, when I was a teenager, but I could never manage to turn the bike. I had to come to a stop, walk the bike around the corner, and then start again.
This needs to be a blog post.
http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=331
Good heavens it’s that awful velocipedestrienne!
I love it so much I bought the t-shirt 😀
Jumping in the thread to say Congrats, and I am another who learned to bike for the first time at a somewhat advanced age (24)! I was taught by A Man who was tall and burly enough that he could just keep one hand on the back of the bike until I learned to balance and pedal. I enjoyed biking around a grassy green park but was terrified once I got onto the street, and when I moved to a city of asphalt and concrete I never returned to it.
Thought about it, though, when I got a coupla stress fractures in my foot and got tired of walking slow. There are $10 Learn to Ride classes once a month in Philly if anyone is interested.
Way to go! Biking is a great way to get around.
Congratulations! My own recent attempts at learning to ride a bike haven’t quite taken yet — was there anything that especially helped you learn?
The main thing really was to stay away from pedaling at first. So, we learned how to balance on a bike: first pushing with both feet (scoot-scoot-whee!), then one foot down on the pedal (scoot-scoot-whee!), then the other foot (scoot-scoot-crash!).
Once I had that down (it took some time, though), pedaling came really easy. It took about 2 hours total, I think? The rest is just learning proper technique.
I am of a similar age and have not yet learned. Thanks for giving me hope!
Congratulations!!! I taught myself at 33 and it was absolutely the most delightful thing i had ever done.. Hope the rest if the summer is filled with delightful rides and not too many scratches.
CONGRATS! I’m a big evangelist, so keep that in mind, but BOY DO I LOVE BIKES AND I BET THIS SKILL WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIER THAN MOST OTHER SKILLS YOU HAVE EVER LEARNED.
I have happy memories of bicycling from childhood, but now it’s more “oh no these cars/road hazards are going to kill me and also hills are harder when you aren’t 60 pounds”.
Haha yes that is true. My city is pretty well set up for bikes, which makes it way better. Cycling in active traffic in a city without any bike culture sounds TERRIFYING, especially if you don’t have great skills. I remember when I got my first bike here and didn’t know the bike routes, and kept ending up on busy roads internally SCREAMING. Now when I’m going somewhere new I very carefully check our city’s bike maps.
A better bike will help with the hills. Hills are not terrible if you’re set up for them, and take them at a sustainable pace. But trying to go up hills on a cheap mountain bike is the WORST and will kill cycling for you.
Congrats!! I learned as an adult also, a few years ago. My friend taught me — and by taught me, I mean patiently said encouraging words while I attempted to pedal the bike around an empty tennis court, screaming — in two hours. After a few practice rides, including a stint biking in heavy traffic while traveling in China (didn’t kill myself or anyone else, but I did hit a parked bus lol oops), I am now a part time bike commuter! Which is all to say, it’s possible to learn at any age, and I think I have so much fun riding because it’s like living a part of childhood 20-something years later.
Congrats!
I learned at the age of 12 but this was after 5-7 summers of constant teaching and constant fear and anxiety. I’m very much a kinesthetic learner but only when there is minimal risk of knee-scraping, I guess. I remember feeling like SUCH a failure and adolescent me is healed a little at having read this thread. I’m still not GREAT but competent and would like to someday bike commute if I ever lived in an area where that was possible.
Congratulations!
That’s great! Congrats!
I learned how to ride a bike when I was 22! I was always scared to try as a child, I guess. But then I actually got pretty decent at riding and used a bike for a long time as my primary form of transportation. I have no idea where anyone on this thread lives (I live in Austin) but now I kind of want to start a club of people who learned how to ride bikes as adults. I’ve never met anyone else who learned as an adult.
Anyway, you will probably fall down and scrape something at some point but it will probably be okay. Just wear a helmet and all of that. And also if you can find a nice person to go on bike rides with you.
Congratulations! I’m almost 36 and haven’t learned yet, though I want to! This gives me hope.
I just started >Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell and am re-reading the Sin City graphic novels in preparation for the movie later this month.
Please let us know how you like JS and Mr. N! I have…complicated feelings about that book.
(to this day I have yet to finish iiiiiit)
Yes! I read it back when my automatic critical reading skills hadn’t kicked in yet (I don’t know how to describe this–I’ve always been a good reader, and I could understand what was going on in books/movies/etc, but I was almost entirely uncritical about what was happening in them until a few years ago). So I liked it when I read it, but I’ve read some reviews that suggest I would have much greater problems with it now.
Ugh, I still don’t have automatic critical reading skills (or viewing skills, sometimes, for that matter.) Unless it’s really egregious. Like, The Name of the Wind was recommended to me by a very close friend of mine, and I was *hugely* critical of that book. Like, there wasn’t a substantial female character within the first fifty pages…then one-hundred pages…etc. It ended up being a pretty frustrating read for me.
I definitely want to cultivate more critical reading skills, though. I tend to get really swept away into characters and plot that I find it really difficult sometimes to take a step back and really evaluate what I’m reading 😐
I do that–tallying up male and female characters. There are at least two reviews on my goodreads account which basically consist of listing all of the named male characters, all of the named female characters, and pointing out that the book doesn’t take place on a 19th century British naval vessel.
Yeah, sometimes I come across a book that does so much right (or so much interesting) that I don’t want to think about what it might be doing wrong. I think it’s perfectly fine to enjoy books uncritically! I just try to keep in mind that just because nothing bothered me, doesn’t mean that it’s PERFECT IN EVERY WAY SHUT UP.
I’m only ~30 pages in, but so far there’s a lot of casual racism. Not sure yet whether that’s intentional or not. I like the style, though. And the whole idea of combining fantasy with historical fiction.
I kinda thought that was intentional, and you may find that the issue is greatly developed and expanded upon later.
Yeah, I’m reserving judgement for now
That’s my recollection!
It definitely seemed intentional to me, especially considering how the plot plays out.
I loved it but I can see how some people might not. I will say w/o spoilers that perhaps it could have been edited with a slightly heavier hand because it is rather long
Yes! I loved it the first time I read it, but when I went to reread it, it was just Too Long.
How are you liking the Sin City books? I read them years and years ago, and have been meaning to do a big re-read, but a friend recently did so and was less than impressed with something we both thought highly of back in the day.
This may have a lot to do with us both having completed our BAs and MAs in English Lit. in the time between when she I and were first reading Sin City and when she did her re-read.
Oh man, I have so much nostalgia tied up with them. I read them when the first movie came out, and I was obsessed with that movie. I watched it all the time. Then I tried to read some other Frank Miller and was less than impressed. Then I saw his reaction to the Occupy Movement and some things fell into place re: his worldview.
So they aren’t great, and I’m reading them with this sort of distance of “oh, that’s how he feels about that”. Knowing more about Miller’s political views, it’s a lot easier to see them manifest on the page. Like literally every woman is either a virgin (and pre-pubescent) or a whore. And the stories are very by-the-book and predictable (or maybe I just know what’s going to happen). It starts to feel a little lazy.
But I still like the artwork, and I don’t have to think too hard, and some of the characters (::cough::Marv::cough::) are just fascinating in their simplicity.
Right the sin city books were.my first exposure to frank miller and I thought “wow this is an amazing exercise in style” (i was also in high school so forgive me) then it slowly became retroactive shit as I learned/read more miler.
That’s my concern—I remember really, really liking the Sin City books and the movie (and I’ll be going to the new film, if only to quietly crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Eva Green), and there’s a part of me that wants to leave that patch of happy memories undisturbed, which a more critical and nuanced re-read will certainly not do. Unless, of course, I save a return trip to Basin City it for post-heavy reading, when my brain just needs to be entertained and not analyze everything on the page.
They kinda fit the genre with their dumb ultraviolence, unlike say 300 which was just straight bad.
I have read Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell several times and I really enjoyed it. It’s a long book that I found easy to keep reading. I hope you like it!
Toast! I’m moving tomorrow! I am in no way prepared, but it’s ok (ish) because I can go in stages and also my best friend is coming over to sit near me while I stress out tonight. FRIDAY NIGHT FUN.
Last night I had an exciting encounter with a man:
Fulfilled all my requirements. The whole encounter amused me A LOT for some reason.
My eyes moved too fast over your comment and I read “a v cute boy in leider hosen was eyeing me on the train tonight.”
Which, ya know, is an image that made me pretty happy.
EVEN BETTER! 🙂
Fun German lesson you didn’t ask for: my username is actually a typo I saw on the internet. “Hosen” does mean “pants,” but the kind people usually talk about is “leder” (“leather”). Instead, the typo was “leider,” which means “unfortunately,” which sums up my attitude toward pants pretty well :p
lieder hosen is pretty funny too
Cocktails for breakfast yay!
Currently rereading some Borges, I’ve fallen in love all over again.
Anyone seen Richard Linklater’s magnum opus: Boyhood yet? It’s finally being released in my city. Can’t wait!
Yes I saw it, it was amazing! I cried at the end because I’m a total sap. Also, I saw a showing where Linklater was present to answer questions at the end, and there were so many good bits of info. Like Ellar Coltrane was homeschooled and basically half raised by the crew, like “Well, Ellar, we need you to drive for this year’s film, so we’re taking you to get your driver’s license.” Also apparently on the first day of filming, Linklater handed Ellar the script, and 7 year old Ellar says, “I can’t read.”
Other fun stuff: Patricia Arquette’s final speech at the end of the movie, as Mason leaves for college, was a combination of Linklater and his friend’s stories about them leaving for college. Like, a producer put her daughter on a plane to school, and then called her from the airport to tell her, “Just so you know, this is the worst day of my life.” LOL. Also, Lorelai Linklater, the director’s daughter, plays the sister in the film. A few years in she got a little bored and suggested, “Can’t my character just die?”
Sorry for blathering on I just really loved this movie. I hope you enjoy it!!
Omg I’ve been fan girling all weekend about this film. It’s such an incredible experience. Mine were not the only misty eyes in that theater. Ellar Coltrane……just wow! What an amazing performance. I love Linklater’s films and his fascination with time. I don’t know If you are familiar with The Up Documentaries by Michael Apted? Linklater’s work always remind me of it. The Before trilogy is an excellent example.
Anyways thanks for the trivia. I’m glad you enjoyed it as much as I did.
Finally reading The Lowland and savoring every page. To give me a break from the literary-ness (as well-executed as it may be), I’m also burning through Laini Taylor’s Days of Blood and Starlight. There’s nothing I like more than ordering summer books through the Ivy League inter-library loan system. Yale, give me all your trash YA.
I’m reading that Laini Taylor book too! Do you like it?! I really liked the first two books, but I kind of forgot what happened.
Yeah that was my problem when I started reading it earlier this summer. I think I need to go back and read some synopses or something, and then restart the book.
Tana French’s first murder mystery, In The Woods. I lived in Ireland during the Celtic Tiger boom, which was Something, and the bust, as it turns out, makes fertile ground for hard-boiled police procedurals.
Ooh I really enjoyed In The Woods. The follow-up, The Likeness, is kind of creepy but weird, but I didn’t care for Broken Harbour. Apparently there’s a new one coming out this year?
There’s Faithful Place, too, which is quite good. The new one is out next month. Can’t wait!
I loooooove Tana French. In The Woods and The Likeness are my favorites! Like aravisthequeen, I didn’t like Broken Harbor as much but I still enjoyed it. I lost some sleep reading In The Woods because I couldn’t put it down.
Her stuff is crazy un-put-down-able. I rarely have that experience but with everything of hers, I just can’t stop.
Pro tip: Do not start a new job and read In the Woods for the first time at the same time. If you must, ensure that you have an office out of the way of everyone else where you can hear when others are approaching.
I’m currently (ever-so-slowly) working through Tom Perrotta’s The Leftovers. It’s taking me forever because a friend gifted me a year of Marvel Unlimited for my birthday this year and I have a bajillionty-million comics at my fingertips.
Also, my husband is out of town this weekend so I have the house all to myself omg. Equal parts I HAVE THE POWER TO DO ANYTHING and also ha ha ha probably I will watch a lot of TV and not move for three days.
ME TOO re: husband is gone, house to myself. I can’t figure out what to cook~! Which makes it sound like he’s a picky eater which he is the exact opposite of, but the choice is all miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.
I have that SAME ISSUE. Mostly it’s “I have like 80 recipes I want to try but only 3 days to myself so I have to narrow it down somehow.”
EXACTLY.
I have the total opposite–I’m going to be all by myself for a week in two weeks and I’m like HAHAHA NOT GOING TO COOK A SINGLE THING! I’m going to eat a salad for EVERY SINGLE MEAL and it will be glorious.
COMIIIIICS
I love Marvel Unlimited! I got the subscription while doing 30 hrs/week of lab research in college, which consisted of 10% doing something and 90% waiting. I read all of Cable and Deadpool in two days. It was great.
What are you reading there? WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?
I’m currently working on Joss Whedon’s run of the X-Men because like a BAJILLION PEOPLE I KNOW insisted I read it so I’m sort of doing it to get it out of the way. I’ve read all the Captain Marvel (DeConnick) that’s available as well as Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye. Also Black Widow Name of the Rose was great. And I’ve read Thanos Rising (didn’t like it much), a few issues of Deadpool, and a smattering of Hulks so far.
(The IntenseDebate system autofilled my comment with “COMIIIIICS,” and who am I to argue with leaving that in?)
I really, really love Name of the Rose. (I’ll show some spine, and I won’t be alone. WORDS TO LIVE/DIE BY.) Captain Marvel and Hawkeye are lovely too! I haven’t read Whedon’s X-Men–I don’t care much for/about most of the X-Men stories. There are a few characters that I adore, but other than that I could take it or leave it. I’m happy to make an exception though, if Whedon’s run is good!
I’m so wary of Whedon-things these days, especially when recommended as fervently as these were, because I now tend to get suspicious of people who praise Whedon to the heavens as if he is a god. I think I’ve been burned too many times by blind Whedon-loving folks unwilling to see the flaws in his work. I will say, though, that I’m enjoying his run of X-Men so far. I think I’m about 4 issues in?
I really liked the leftovers! haven’t watched the show at all though.
I’m enjoying the book, I just keep getting distracted by superheroes. I picked it up because I saw previews for the show and got curious, but I haven’t watched the show at all yet. I figured I’d finish the book first, at least.
I just finished Roxane Gay’s excellent BAD FEMINIST last night. It’s so good, everyone! There were times where I felt like some of the pieces meandered or like she was stretching to link disparate ideas into a cohesive essay, but she’s such a thoughtful, lovely writer that I was happy to follow her wherever she was going. It made me feel alternately infuriated, despairing, enlightened, and validated. Highly recommend!
Yay! It’s next on my list after Americanah. I’ve promised myself to only read books by women of color for the next year, because I realized I’ve been shockingly lacking in this area.
I just finished Americanah two days ago! It’s fantastic.
That’s a great goal! Are you blogging it or anything? I would love to follow along.
Ugh, I am feeling very upset at the moment because I have been defriended on Facebook by yet another guy for presumably being too feminist and outspoken (or as he put it, ‘sexist and annoying’). The irony being that I had actually made an effort to be extra kind to him after our last argument/discussion and had just commented sympathetically on a rant he had about women being rude to him. But then he got into an argument with my partner, flounced, and defriended us both.
And yeah, I know, #misandryforlyfe but I’m really sick and tired of losing friends because they’re too invested in their own world view to consider mine. :-/
*sigh*
Hi! We’re here, ready and willing to consider your world view. *waves*
Aw, you guys are the best.<3
More on topic, I am currently reading Ancillary Justice and enjoying it very much. All the pronouns are ‘her’ and ‘she’! It confuses all the dudes who don’t want to consider gender bias in their sci-fi! It’s great!
LOVED it and am on pins and needles waiting for the sequel!
Ooh there’s a sequel coming? Awesome.
It’s hard, it really is. But we love you.
Or … you’re sick and tired of immature friends. Time to fish in more experienced waters? Toasties are here for you.
Seriously? Fuck that guy. He’s not an actual friend.
A friend of mine blew up about something where I thought we were pretty much on the same page and it turned out… we really weren’t. I know he’s going through some stuff and it’s probably making him a bit cranky but wow.
Anyway, the point is he didn’t unfriend me and I didn’t either, but it’s changed our relationship a little. It made me sad. So I can empathise. Boo to friends who throw tantrums 🙁
If he can’t handle being around people who have opinions that differ from his then he probably isn’t worth much as a friend anyway. Sounds to me like HE is the one who is being sexist and annoying! I have been in this situation before and although it is upsetting, you should never feel bad for pissing off people who would rather you be seen and not heard. Be proud that you are strong enough to stand your ground and voice your opinion!
As frustrating as that is, consider that maybe these are people you don’t want in your life anyway. I went through something similar a couple years ago when I started having feminist/political discussions on Facebook rather than sharing inane details about my life. It hurt at first, but in the long run it’s been great to post things to social media without stressing over what kind of argument it’s going to start.
It hurts even when the friend you lose was not a good one, but yes, anyone who treats you like that is not actually a friend.
I am so angry with this guy for making you sad! Also calling you ‘sexist and annoying’ is so hurtful, and THEN you were so nice to him about women being rude to him – sounds horrible, I’m sorry! And definitely been there. x
Currently on my nightstand: “Wise Blood,” which I’m having trouble getting into but I am determined to get through Flannery’s entire body of work (just finished the prayer journal so sooorrrrrt of going in chronological order).
“The Lottery and other short stories” because I just finished “We Have Always Lived in the Castle,” (omfg) so I am also determined to get through all of Ms. Jackson’s work.
“The War the Women Lived: Female Voices from the Confederate South” by Walter Sullivan, which my husband bought me as a present. I haven’t started it yet but am so excited about it. I am also stuck somewhere in the intro essays of Mary Chesnut’s diaries (the C. Vann Woodward edition, and his essays are bananas, but I’m sure his footnotes are top-notch and Mary Chesnut is awesome).
And on my phone I have “The Best American Travel Writing of 2013,” which is giving me life.
No, I don’t have (book) commitment issues, why do you ask?
I find it perfectly reasonable to be reading no fewer than 5 books at once. Embrace your natural inclination to be a book polygamist! (personally I am working through 3 books of short stories, a nonfiction book on Hatshepsut, and a novella)
I’m working on five or six right now too. What’s the Hatshepsut book called??
It comes out in October, and is called The Woman Who Would Be King, I believe. (I am spoiled by advance reading copies sometimes)
I would like to be spoiled that way.
Wise Blood is one of my favorite books in the universe, but I can understand if you’re having trouble getting into it. I promise it’s worth it, though! (And better than The Violent Bear It Away.)
I’ve heard that about The Violent Bear It Away. Novels are hard! I think good short stories are harder, so I’m going to maintain my O’Connor shrine on my desk for the foreseeable future. I promise I’ll stick with Wise Blood to the undoubtedly bitter but revelatory end.
This is all very familiar, both the reading lots of things at one time and also the going through author’s works in chronological order. 🙂
I’ve been working on Memoirs of Hadrian and The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao for like, months now, but I also recently bought Moby Dick and One Hundred Years of Solitude in a characteristic used bookstore impulse buy. I’m very good at starting things, less good at finishing them.
A+++++ choices all, Moby Dick is my fave, now googling Memoirs of Hadrian. Thanks!
Oh it’s so lovely I hope you like it.
Oh man, I need to pick up Memoirs of Hadrian again! I started it on vacation one year and didn’t bring it back with me. I also remember reading an essay by Yourcenar where she talked about translating portions of her novel into ancient Greek to make sure she was being discursively plausible (!!!!!)
I love Memoirs of Hadrian! The writing is amazing. I always recommend it to people but sadly they are too busy reading the latest crime fiction. Their loss.
I’ve been reading a lot of L. M. Montgomery short stories (it’s been a slow week at work!) and I’m pretty irritated at LMM for her habit of copying significant portions of writing from one story to another. I’d noticed this phenomenon with her before, but this was the first time I sat down and read an entire book of short stories in one sitting and it really jumped out at me.
– The “Mrs. Matilda Pitman” section from How We Went To The Wedding (1913) was reproduced virtually word for word in Rilla of Ingleside (1921)
– The character Paul from A Soul That Was Not At Home (1915) is actually Paul from Anne of Avonlea (1909)
– Aunt Philippa from Aunt Philippa and the Men (1915) is also Cornelia Bryant from Anne’s House of Dreams (1917) – down to the description of her house, the outfit she’s wearing, her delightful misandry, and the anecdotes she tells about the other townspeople.
At both universities I went to, it’s considered academic fraud to submit the same paper – or portions thereof – for different assignments in different courses, but it’s totally alright for a professional author who’s getting paid? (I know LMM had family and mental health issues that had a big negative impact on her creativity, and that she needed money, among other reasons because she was involved in a very long legal battle with her American publisher, but… I want to imagine a beloved author who writes because it’s her calling, not a harried woman who’s milking a cash-cow franchise for all it’s worth.)
But by far the story that annoyed me the most was Akin To Love, in which a woman who has “a good farm, a comfortable house, a plump bank account” and is “an independent, unworried woman” who has “always felt set on being free and independent” decides to marry the guy who’s been hanging around her for 18 years because she has found out that he has a shitty housekeeper and she feels that it is “[her] duty, plain and clear, to come here and make things pleasant for him.”
OKAY LET’S TALK!
I have ALSO been doing the same thing (rereading Montgomery’s short stories at work, hey Project Gutenberg!). This drives me insane as well–and plenty of plots and characters are lifted as well. Captain Jim appears in one, too? And then there’s plenty of the same plot being virtually recycled–I know that some are Themes, but honestly, some are just basic plots. Which gives me a headache sometime–but then again, in the early part of the century, short stories were really not produced in the same way they are today, but reprinted for magazines, and it was wayyyyy less of a big deal to have a similar plot, etc. I don’t believe it was considered a type of plagiarism (since it was the same author, hey, whatever)–and even now I think ideas on this type of thing vary.
Also, boy howdy, there is some ridic racism in some of those stories. Also some are quite creepy, like the one where a guy looks after his dead buddy’s daughter and then she grows up to fall in love with him. Okay.
I know that I can always count on you to join me for a good LMM conversation, and this makes me happy. <3
I was SO excited when The Blythes Are Quoted was finally published, but it was such a disappointment. It’s the same old eternally recycled short stories but with Anne or another member of her family shoe-horned in just so the publisher could semi-legitimately slap the lucrative Anne of Green Gables lable on the book. Most of them have absolutely nothing to do with the Blythes – they just get a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it mention like “Oh, isn’t this cake lovely? Susan Baker taught me the recipe” or “Dr. Blythe took my appendix out last year.” Way to scrape the bottom of the barrel, Maud.
UGH THIS IS WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO TALK ABOUT. The Blythes are Quoted. I own it, because I couldn’t stand to have an incomplete series, but ugh ugh ugh it drove me insane how every single story had a bunch (or several) asides about how awesome the Blythes were and how amazing Anne in particular was. “Mrs. Dr Blythe” this and “Dr. Blythe” that and the children are just amazing and beautiful, every single one, they’re all so perfect, blahhhhhh blah blahhhh.
Which is too bad, because some of the stories were legit interesting and darker than some of her other stories, which I liked, I just would have preferred they didn’t have a random “Ingleside is Eden” bit tagged in there. Because come on. I liked it better when the family was a normal family with issues.
THAT STORY ABOUT THE OLD WOMAN WHO STRAIGHT-UP PUSHES A DUDE DOWN THE STAIRS AND MURDERS HIM BECAUSE HE WAS MARRIED TO HER SECRET LOVECHILD AND HE WAS AN ABUSIVE DRUNK!!!
That one was so intense. I remember being like “Um… is this the same woman who normally writes stuff like ‘amethysts are the souls of good violets who have gone to heaven’ because what on earth happened here.” Then I read her journals and understood what happened there.
DUDE I KNOW. Have you read Rubio? You should, it’s deeply horrifying and gives a lot of insight into why some of Montgomery’s characters are so weirdly twisted.
There’s like “Here’s a nice story about some children and a strange man [n.b., wow] fixing up a house!” and then “MURDERING YOUR SECRET DAUGHTER’S ABUSIVE HUSBAND” and I’m like….okay, going to go back and read the Story Girl again, thanks.
Oh yes, the reused storylines and characters bugged me too. I do think it was done to earn more money and not out of laziness. The Rubio biography mentioned by aravisthequeen is truly horrifying and after reading it I am amazed Montgomery produced anything at all readable. Having to manage her own mental illness plus her husband’s plus her creepy son plus parish wife duties plus being taken advantage of by her publishers – hers was not an easy life and yet she kept writing.
I also kind of think her creativity was stifled by her publishers pigeonholing her as a certain type of writer and only pushing for the (moneymaking) stories she was known for. Given more freedom she might have been a fair horror writer! Or something else entirely.
That biography made me so, so sad. As a child/teen I had been under the happy delusion that LMM had lived a happy and carefree life on her beloved PEI, and the truth is so far from that.
And omg, her creepy son. When I read that the younger boy had to resort to camping in the backyard during the summer because his brother wouldn’t stop beating off in the bedroom they shared, I threw up in my mouth a little.
Do you think LMM committed suicide or overdosed accidentally?
Hard to decide. She pushed through so many painful times, and I’m sure her religion was against suicide. Yet every person has a breaking point, and the hush-hush over how she died makes me think it probably was intentional.
I remember reading, either in Rubio or her journals, that LMM’s faith started to fail her at one point and that she believed religion’s true merit was in strengthening community spirit. And there was one journal entry where she wrote that she didn’t condemn people who committed suicide because nobody asks to be born and therefore people have a right to lay down the burden of life that is forced upon them.
Sent from my iPhone
I read a news article–maybe on cbc? Gotta find it–that had her descendants referring to her death explicitly as suicide, and saying that stigma against mental illness had kept it from being more well-known.. I did not know about her creepy son!
Toasties, I would be so grateful for your insight. I am starting to think about transitioning out of academia. I’m a historian whose research and teaching focus on the very recent history (like, from WWII to the present) of women, work, and motherhood in the US. My dream is to be able to move into the policy world in some way, since these are issues about which I care deeply and am quite knowledgeable.
However, I have no idea how to make such a move. Do any of you work in a similar field? Or have you made the move from a humanities PhD out of the academic sector? My concerns are that I don’t have a quantitative background, and that I don’t have experience outside of teaching, research, and informal advocacy (i.e. not the kind you can put on a resume).
I am currently exiting from my MA in history, having planned to do a PhD to no longer doing that thing. I’m frantically applying for jobs at the moment and actually moved across the country to facilitate this process, but that’s not necessarily recommended. I am in Canada so I don’t know if we will have the same issues, BUT look for informal training processes that might help you network and wiggle your way into policy? I recently attended a panel at a conference on policy and introduced myself to a few people with whom I’m shortly following up, one of whom mentioned a course on gender policy that I will hella take. I don’t necessarily think they need you to have an MPP to get into policy in the first place, but then they do need to know you’re a smart cookie who will adapt to the (cutthroat) field quickly upfront if you don’t.
You could also take a solitary statistics course to show your commitment to acquiring a quantitative skillset but that’s speaking as a person who’d sooner find another job than do that thing.
I actually straddled this question during my masters program and even took some policy courses electively to see if I would enjoy the processes part of that field. I ended up not liking it, so that wasn’t for me, but! A lot of the people I met through that endeavor told me that a history background in the issues is incredibly valuable if you apply it to your work. A lot of non-profits and advocacy organizations need communicators and people with researching skills, so look for job listings that play toward those things — your academic background not only in research/writing will help you in communication but even moreso will your experience in teaching. You just need to find a way to translate the fact that the academic way you’ve used them to this point is just one way you can apply those skills, and that they do translate very effectively into communicative outreach roles. Good luck transitioning out of academia!
I second this. Definitely look into nonprofit associations/organizations—they are often far more interested in your academic work than private sector jobs. I haven’t done the whole transition out yet, but I now work at a literary nonprofit and am slowly getting the resume to the point where I can transition out completely.
The few friends that I have had who transitioned either did it very quickly, and were surprised how interested their employers were in their academic/research/teaching backgrounds, or did it in a few steps, which is what I am trying to do. I wasn’t entirely sure where I wanted to end up, to be honest, so the multistep process has been good—have been able to work on a number of different projects, learn a ton of new skills, and now actually have enough stuff to be able to tailor my resumes and cover letters to specific jobs, which was a problem in the past with almost a purely journalistic and academic background.
Thank you! Yes, I’m very interested in working at a nonprofit. How did you end up at yours? Did you know people there already?
p.s. And congrats on your ongoing transition!
Thank you! I definitely think a reframing of my skills for the resume (not CV!) etc is a first step.
Girl! there are a TON of resources for you! Congratulations on understanding the broad impact of your research area and the limitations of the academic path rn. I assume you’re already reading Chronicle Vitae like the wind, and have also checked out stuff at Versatile PhD and elsewhere in this effloresence of writing about folks taking a similar turn. If you want to get involved in the policy arena, the career center at your university might actually be helpful if the school offers an MPA/MPP, or something like that.
MOST importantly, you need to reframe your “teaching, research, and informal advocacy” as things you CAN put on a resume because you absolutely should. Think about all the complex issues you’ve broken down for undergraduates – that’s a clutch skill in the policy arena. All the vast bodies of literature you’ve mastered and then summarized? Again, essential. So don’t sell yourself short.
Key number
Thank you for the encouraging words! I have a confession…I avoid all things Chronicle like the plague, because for so long I found that entire publication to be deeply depressing. But I should get over it! And I’m just starting to check out Versatile PhD.
And thanks, too, for your excellent points about breaking down complex issues for undergrads and clearly summarizing bodies of research on a given subject. You’re right! I can do those things!
My concerns are that I don’t have a quantitative background, and that I don’t have experience outside of teaching, research, and informal advocacy (i.e. not the kind you can put on a resume)
On the other thread I mentioned finding the equivalent words for your skills, and I think that applies here! It might feel uncomfortable trying to spin these things you understand intimately into something that’s… really very different, but NEVER FORGET: Your resume (no more CVs!) is not an interrogation or a legal testimony. It doesn’t have to be strictly, precisely true. It can be loosely true, and it can be super loosely true if you feel okay about the possibility of falling on your face (i.e., if you can afford to beef a job and leave/get the axe).
You’re looking at a big jump into a universe where the details of what you do now won’t matter, not even a little, so it might help to try letting those details go and start thinking creatively about what your collective experience means or could mean. Just something to think about!
Thank you again – I think you’re completely right. That doesn’t come to me naturally, but…practice!
Have you considered the United Nations? Humanities PhDs look really good to them (I’ve heard), and research skills are listed as one of the main qualities they look for. Here’s an example: https://jobs.undp.org/cj_view_job.cfm?cur_job_id=…
No, I hadn’t! Thank you – that’s a great suggestion.
I work at a nonprofit now that aggregates research produced by other nonprofits and I think they would love someone with your background and imagine you could easily transition into a research role at a women’s issues organization if that’s something you are interested in…are you in NYC perchance?
ETA: I guess that’s not exactly policy, but perhaps a chance to influence policy?
Wow, that sounds awesome, thank you!! Unfortunately I’m not in NYC; I’m in Boston. I would be willing to move at some point, but I’d prefer to stay in the area if at all possible. But just the fact that you think your org would be interested in someone like me is so tremendously encouraging; I can’t thank you enough.
yes! you have all the skills necessary. think about organizations you love and why you love them. make a list and go for it! contact people there for advice, one thing will lead to another and you’ll get a start somewhere. for sure. and nothing pays less than academia. also, teaching, and research prepares you for almost everything in life. think tanks might be something to consider.
I hope you get alerts for this bc I’m a bit late- I recommend the professor is in (website of the same name) – she has great consultants talk about language that is helpful for resumes vs cvs, etc.
I took the Virginia bar exam, so now I will have time to read for realsies again, instead of furtively sneaking chapters of books on the Metro like some sort of junkie. I graduated from law school two years ago, failed the bar the first time, and now I’m trying it again. We’ll see! Thankfully, my job doesn’t depend on it, but it would certainly be nice.
ha! we are in literally the exact same situation (CA instead of VA). Good luck to you! I heard in VA you have to wear suits to take the bar? Which adds a whole other level of “fk these mofos” in my book.
Imagine all the free headspace we have now for books! Weeeeee!
YES, we had to WEAR SUITS. It made me so irrationally angry, mostly because it was freezing cold in the civic center and my skirt suit, though seasonless wool, was still, you know, partially a skirt. The jacket part was toasty though! Arghhhhhhdfhkjdhgkdahkgjr.
Today, I am sitting on my couch reading the hundreds of work emails I have to catch up on and trying to muster the energy to clean my poor neglected apartment. Poor, sad apartment.
Good luck to you too! When do you find out? We have an approximate date of October 17.
Nov 21, which is basically never because I am moving cross country and starting a new amazing job and will have an entirely new life that does not req the bar before I even hear back. The best case scenario is that I can casually check, casually pass, and then drink a bottle of champagne w the bf while laughing that after all of that IT JUST DOESNT MATTER.
Hoping you’ve passed the bar exam this time, fellow Virginian!
I took the MD out of state attorney exam this week, which was pure torture, but nothing compared to sitting in court attire (except for my sneakers, since we had to wear quiet, rubbersoled shoes – ridiculous) sweating it out over demurrer and fucking law of treasure trove for two days in VA. Godspeed and great job having a career that doesn’t require this ridiculous exam!
I am currently reading Solo Command, because — have I mentioned this? Possibly in EVERY STAR WARS-RELATED THREAD EVER? — I love Wraith Squadron the best. I expected to enjoy the hell out of this re-read; I did not expect that my long-dormant crush on Wes Janson would reawaken with a vengeance. Someone help me, I’m in love with a starfighter pilot who is a) fictional and b) kind of an idiot.
Starting tomorrow I will maybe be reading the Silmarillion, too, in an effort to catch up with the Silmarillion Read-Along on Tumblr. I got behind because my copy of the book was packed for the move, but I found it yesterday, so. I only have like two weeks to catch up on! I can probably do that!
Speaking of moving! It went very well! Five of my friends came to help, which was AMAZING of them, and we got almost everything moved in one trip with the U-haul, and now we are completely moved in and about half unpacked and the house is wonderful and I love it. (There’s a perfect place for the coffeemaker and tea kettle! Our bedroom looks out on the deck! Even the cat was only mad at us for like a day!) I have gotten a grip a little bit. Thanks, y’all, you were very kind and helpful.
Yay! So glad to hear the move went well.
Wes Janson is totally crush-worthy. I remember being disappointed that he was way less cute in the Essential Guide to Characters than I had expected him to be. 🙁
Oh, I basically refuse to look at artwork of EU characters. It’s always disappointing. (I know technically Wes is not an EU-created character, he appears for like 2 seconds in one of the movies, but you know what, his Essential Guide drawing doesn’t look anything like that dude either.)
thanks for the link to that Tumblr! I just picked up a copy of the Silmarillion at a library book sale, and now I’m going to bump it to the top of my To Read list.
Ooooh I should go read that . Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars <3 <3
WRAITH SQUADRON
yub yub.
Sneaky early open thread!
We’re moving this weekend, so I am here at work checking my phone every few minutes sure I’m going to hear that something has gone horribly wrong from my already-working-on-moving husband.
Anybody else doing something NOT fun this weekend?
Also moving! Ughhhhh. Good luck!!
Moving uggghhhhhhhhhhhh
Good luck to you! (I just followed you on Toastie Twitter!)
SO SNEAKY. I would’ve had no idea that it was open already if it wasn’t for Twitter!
Currently reading Oryx and Crake. How have I not read it before?? So good. I’ve already requested The Year of the Flood from the library.
The Year of the Flood is even better because it is not about a Man.
I’m reading Oryx & Crake right now too! I’ve read a handful of her other books but not this one yet.
Oh, this is on my holds list from the library and I was debating pulling it off so I could put something else on. I’ll stick it out so I get this one sooner!
(Every time I click on a thumbs-up or a post to reply to I get taken to a page about bartending school.)
I have had a hell of a week off! Went up to Yorkshire last Saturday to spend the weekend with the boyfriend for his birthday, that was lovely. Then Tuesday and Wednesday I was competing at the New Forest county show which was two very long and tiring day but the horses were good and we all came home with rosettes.
Then yesterday one of the horses had to get rushed to hospital for colic surgery, which was stressful and frightening and we didn’t get home until 1 this morning. Off to visit him in a bit, the surgery went well but the next 48 hours are critical in case his guts don’t start up again as they should do.
Oh, yikes. I hope the horse is okay. Now I am remembering certain chapters of James Herriott’s books. Perhaps I shall re-read one of those this weekend.
I’m reading Loaves and Fishes, by Dorothy Day. It’s a great bit of autobiographical social justice history.
I am just finishing up reading At Least There’s The Football and I have started reading Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell. Also every once in a while I read a story or two out of Roxane Gay’s Ayiti.
This week I have been watching Gary Numan’s new video over and over. http://www.vevo.com/watch/gary-numan/i-am-dust/GB… I have come to the conclusion that the woman in the video is the Femilisk. I mean obviously if anyone was to write a song about the Femilisk it would be Gary Numan!
I am reading Further Tales of the City, which thus far I’m not enjoying *quite* as much as the first two, but is still fun. For work I am reading a bunch of archival documents. Yay for reading dead people’s mail!
I started the first one last summer and got about halfway through before I moved and lost time to pick it up again. But I’m looking forward to starting it over again!
Maybe this is the historian in me, but I feel like the biggest pleasure I get from them is the specific sense of time and place. I.e., this is what it was like to be in San Francisco, in one of several social roles, in the late 1970s. And two books later, this is what it was like to be there in the early 80s. I like that feeling of immersion in a time and place that are different enough to be just a tiny bit alien.
omg reading dead people’s mail sounds fascinating to me – what kind of stuff are you reading? Are they handwritten? Does anyone doodle?
Related to the Aunt Acid post from yesterday: what do people do when the person who gets all the attention is not their sister but their significant other?
My fella is handsome. A frequent occurrence: lady will saunter up to us and start chatting him up. Usually not OVERTLY hitting on him, but that grey area of plausible deniability in flirtation. Many times these are people he has met once or twice that clearly don’t realize he has a girlfriend. He always introduces me when he knows their name, but most of the time, he doesn’t (terrible with names). So then I have to introduce myself and it’s awkward because I feel like I’m marking my territory or something. Which is not what I am about, but neither am I about watching a chick flirt with my boyfriend right in front of my face. So I’m torn between being confident and independent, which is how I want to be, and being annoyed and possessive, which is not a good look.
TL/DR: Should I just pee on him or what?
Really, I think fella saying “Sorry, what’s your name again? I’m terrible at names (etc.)” [they answer] “Thanks. And this is my girlfriend, ___” early on in the conversation would be great. Demonstrates pretty clearly that he’s not that invested in a new romantic partner. And if they’re a cool person, they’ll keep chatting with both of you. The key is that he has to get used to doing this perhaps earlier in the conversation than he normally would.
I guess the only scenario where this wouldn’t work is a business/networking situation where he wanted to make a good impression on potential authority people. But if that’s the case, they shouldn’t be hitting on him anyway.
This is great advice, seconded.
Yeah, usually once the introduction happens most people are cool, although I have had some ladies kind of give me disbelieving side-eye, which I secretly enjoy.
You hit it on the head – it’s the timing that’s the issue. Once a conversation goes on for too long without introductions I start to look like a hanger-on. I’ve also considered the “how do you know each other?” butt-in when the conversation is going on for a long time but I never seem to remember that when I need it.
He could still introduce you! It could go like this:
HIM: This is my girlfriend, Girl Named Jack!
YOU: Hi, nice to meet you……………? *hold out hand to shake*
Then they supply their names and it sounds like he just forgot to do that part of the introduction instead of having forgotten their names altogether.
But also you could pee on him.
Oh, I like this approach! SMOOTH.
Which is good. One gets so weary of peeing on legs.
The splashback is so inconvenient!
As a guy who is irredeemably terrible with names, I often use the, “Oh hey there, you… you person whose name I really honestly do know, honest, this is my girlfriend, [her name],” and then pray to the heavens that this person introduces themselves to my girlfriend so that I at least know their name for a few minutes. 🙂
So, maybe suggest this as a way for your boyfriend to cover for the fact he can’t remember people’s names? That way you can both work on a problem together.
Introducing yourself sounds confident & independent to me!
If you are with a dude, any dude, and another lady comes up and starts flirting with him, SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS DOING. It’s a social behavior I’ve observed everywhere. Basically, the longer your boyfriend goes without introducing you, the more points she gets; but if he introduces you right away, then she gets bonus points for successfully challenging his relationship status. You’re right; you can’t win.
So I vote for option 3, which is to watch the whole thing with an amused expression, then wander off when you get bored. Alternatively, make some awkward comment about wanting to participate in the conversation and introduce yourself. It really doesn’t matter if the female KNOWS he’s your boyfriend. She can safely assume it since the two of you are out and about together.
Pee on him. I don’t know why you had to ask this.
(I think him introducing you is a great idea though.)
Wow, open thread is so early this week! BELATED CAT THREAD
I got a new camera, so here are cat pictures. Anne and Bonny are being particularly dumb this weekm and attempting to catch and eat slugs, which they then puke up on the floor.
Brains has gone like TEN DAYS without scratching me hard enough to leave a mark! I wish she understood how proud I am of her. (We’ve been giving her more Structured Playtime, burning off some of that predator instinct. And sometimes Benny gets in on it, and he’s so funny since he’s HUGE and will come running at the feather-on-a-stick from across the room like a furry freight train.)
They are beautiful!!!
So I pretty much just have four cats now, we’re so in love with our tiny street kitten.
The oldest cat is a little grumpy about it, which is odd because he was pretty much fine through the whole “fostering a pregnant mama cat and then 4 kittens” process (with the exception of some extreme confusion when mama went back into heat). I had been feeding them together, which is supposed to make them associate other cats with good stuff happening, but I think he was feeling like his food was threatened. I’ve put him back by himself at mealtime and that seems to be improving things.
It feels pretty crazy cat lady right now, but we do have a pretty big house and there are only two of us, and they’ll only calm down as they get older. My husband turns 30 at the end of the month, and I decided to get some wall-mounted cat shelves for him so that they have more space to spread out.
I’ve been trying to google how to manage several cats, but pretty much everything on the internet is either “anything more than one and you’re a hoarder” or “I have sixteen and it’s totes cool.”
Yeah, people even get surprised that I have two. But I always wanted more than one! There was a blog about cat psychology I liked, but I can’t remember the address. If I do, I’ll post it in a future cat thread.
Cat shelves are a great idea. Also, we got the modular cat play city thing that has all different parts like tunnels, dens and ledges that you just fix together. It’s called Kitty city. That might be useful!
Oh my gosh, they’re just SO SO PRETTY.
My cats are the prettiest. This is objective fact.
Mine got 18 teeth taken out a couple of weeks ago. My bank account is still reeling, but the bonus is that now her tongue falls out of her mouth all the time and it is so damn cute.
I’m out of town all next week on BUSINESS. This is my first ever Corporate Business Trip and I feel a lot like this big-shouldered business woman. I have a fat per diem and corporate card with my name on it and it’s all very, very strange.
Are any toasties out there corporate goons? Any other SELLOUTS? I started my career in higher ed, teaching writing to underserved populations (I wrote a non-diss book and everything!), and then I woke up one day was like “ENOUGH OF THIS I NEED TO BE RICH AND POWERFUL,” and here I am, standing with my big shoulders at a $4,000 standing desk with my $1,000 Aeron chair pushed to the side, hanging out in a community populated mostly by noble rare book librarians and glorious non-profit feelings makers.
Yes! Business trips!!!!!
I am a total sellout, I got a degree in sociology and anthropology but now I work in market research. I specialize in healthcare so it’s mostly pharmaceutical companies. Fun!
I’m in information technology! HURRAY BIG SLEAZY INDUSTRIES
Teach me your ways!
See, the thing about selling out is that there is no real merit or skill involved. It’s pure, unabashed privileged. I fit the exact profile of everyone I work with (white, thin, already affluent, entitled, possesses key cultural capital like Rich Person Schmoozing and How To Invest and Knowing At Least One Level II Sommelier and, of course, Linen Pants).
SO JUST BE BORN TO GREAT PRIVILEGE AND YOU’LL DO GREAT
Damn, foiled again by my white trash upbringing!
You can probably fake it with some linen pants though.
I’m wearing a linen shirt right now. Maybe I’m on my way??
A linen shirt is a beginning, but linen pants are next level witch craft.
Signed,
Fellow Linen Shirt Wearer.
I’m a sell out but I don’t make enough money for it to be worthwhile. I’m a law librarian at a law firm. My soul is black and empty.
Oh god, I used to be librarian at a corporate law office, and it was like being librarian on the death star.
I am a sellout hoping to sell in someday, but for now the FAT STACKS are enough to dry my tears about hating this goddamn office. Good luck on your bidness trip!!
I work at a huge engineering firm. It’s not sexy, but I can make my student loan payments!
What Whittingly said: Teach me your ways. At 25 I’m going back to school and want someone to tell me how I can transition from world’s most efficient waitress to a broad-shouldered bizzness lady.
Aaahhh, see my post above about leaving academe. I wrote that I want to go into policy but I am also open to making fat stacks of money. How did you go from being a writing prof to being a fancy corporate lady?
p.s. Have a good trip! Vanquish your enemies!
I wasn’t a prof yet, just on the track, so that helped. Finding equivalent corporate words for my academic experience was the most critical step for me, and this is what I tell everyone who’s trying to break into industry. LEARN THE WORDS. The words we get in academe are useless in industry so don’t try to use them.
“Teaching writing and writing pedagogy to students but also faculty and TAs” could be spun into “human capital management” or “talent development” on a resume. Knowing how to spin my resume got recruiters’ attention. Once I got bites, I got gigs, and once I got gigs, I could work on fully understanding how my existing skills translate into a new industry. (I beefed some of those gigs, but that’s okay!)
Once I translated my skills and REALLY learned the words, I realized that my academic experience was HUGE, and I’ve seen many academics go through the same. Academia’s baseline for competence–contributing ideas to “the conversation”–is WAAAAAAY beyond baseline competence in industry. If you’re coming up with novel ideas to contribute to a conversation, you’re considered “best in class” and you can run in the wild world of “thought leadership” AKA FAT STACKS.
What I’m saying is you’re probably DISGUSTINGLY qualified for some swank ass jobs. You just gotta figure out what kinda parallels your current work in industry.
ETA: For reference, I’m in a Fortune 500 writing with an AGGRESSIVE CORPORATE SLANT. Knowing you want to go into policy, you might be looking at non-profits, which will be more comfortable with academic experience. I had a lot of non-profit bites with my academic experience, but the pay they offered was half (HALF!) what the srs corporate world would pay me.
This is fantastic – thank you so much. Especially the part about how getting gigs helped you better understand where your skills would fit, rather than it just being the other way around. That is a really helpful point. And I agree that learning the lingo* is going to be a big part of the transition.
*And learning to say it with a straight face.
lolol @ “thought leadership” AKA FAT STACKS
You speak the truth.
ALL HAIL THE TOASTRON TYCOONS
I have a women’s studies undergrad and a library degree and now I work for a business school. My job is related to my library training (in that non-traditional information management way), but it is not where I thought I’d go (I don’t want to say end up, I don’t think it’s the last stop). It’s still higher ed, so it’s not exactly glamourous, but it’s definitely more corporate than I thought I could handle. Sometimes I wear a suit to work and go on business trips! All very bizarre but I am enjoying the good benefits and the not-terrible pay.
I’m sort of a sellout! I’m an administrative assistant for a department of like 130 people in one of the Big Banks. I say I’m only sort of a sellout because even though my boss wears suits every day and all the executives in the building know me and I do a lot of Important Things for Important People, I’m wearing an RX Bandits shirt and jeans/Chuck Taylors right now while commenting on The Toast and eating lasagna at my desk, soooo…ya know.
I’m already home and back in my underwear, eating a pastry and commenting on The Toast between emails with Rich White Men, earning 1 shiny penny each second for my trouble. This is the biggest kind of selling out there is, friend.
I’m a struggling writer with a corporate typing side job so I don’t really count BUT this year I went on my first ever Corporate Business Trip trip (to PARIS) and I just about shit my pants with excitement. I also changed my email vacation seeings to say ‘CURRENTLY AM AWAY ON BUSINESS IN PARIS’. I’ve been to Geneva and Dublin since. I also own a white linen suit and I was totally going to wear it for the first time to work the other day until my sister saw me and said, “You look like Elton John babes.”
This is a “side job” and you go to PARIS and GENEVA and DUBLIN and you have a linen suit.
I guess this means you win the TOAST TYCOON trophy.
Full disclosure: I type up other people making business decisions, and the trouser part and the jacket are from different (thrift) shops, but YES I WIN TOAST TYCOON. Is the trophy a solid silver enema kit?
Oh yes BUSINESS TRIPS. I high five your selling out (I never really had anything to “sell out” from but I start a job at a giant internet company on Monday so… selling out woo!)
Protip for business trips: it might be a corporate card, but try to make sure that you get points for the flight and hotel stay. All the points and none of the paying! That’s how the attorneys at our firm manage to fly and stay all over the world, basically for free. Also, we have no corporate cards, so they use points-earning cards to pay for everything, then get reimbursed by check. More points, still no monies spent.
I’m a sell-out! I’m a lawyer who reps big companies, often in fights with poor individuals! So… um…. there.
I’m the biggest cliche of all: went to law school being like “I’m going to save the world!” (enabled by all these friends of my parents who were like “oh yeah, lawyers can totally save the world”) and here I am, up to my eyeballs in debt, very used to buying as many $12 cocktails as I want, and working for THE MAN.
I had never seen that Kate Beaton before, that is *awesome*.
I am not a corporate goon but I think getting to go out of town with a corporate card sounds lovely.
SPEAKING OF READING:
Does anyone here read the Hawkeye ongoing? IT FINALLY CAME BACK THIS WEEK. Let’s talk!
(Almost certainly spoilers in the comment thread below!)
I have not read it yet, but I have a friend that is HOH and has been talking about it non-stop because it’s so good and well-executed and just about everything she was hoping for. I think she did a translation for Reddit, actually.
I’m guessing worthwhile investment? 🙂
Yes! The whole run is just fantastic. It’s funny and sad and touching and all kinds of other adjectives. And everyone should have Kate Bishop in their literary lives.
Ugh, it’s the BEST. I haven’t read the last few issues–I usually wait till the trade’s out–but I’ve been keeping up on the storytelling methods Fraction and Aja are using, and it’s so impressive. “Pizza Is My Business” is one of the single best issues I’ve ever read.
I like Kate but I prefer the Clint story. I love that he’s so very human, kind of a fuckup, doesn’t have everything figured out, but is still so good at what he does. And the new original characters in this particular run are rather wonderful. Grills. *weeps*
I know some other NY Toasties are into it as well.
Kate’s adventures in LA are just really wonderful. She is still Herself, but it’s kind of incredible to read her out of her element and trying to figure her shit out.
I love her as a foil for Clint. So often it’s Natasha and Clint that have the great female/male friendship, but I think Kate truly brings out the best in him–and takes him down a peg when he’s not allowing her to do that. And I like that there are hints of interest on both sides but as of now no attempt to pursue anything romantic. They just mesh so well as friends.
ALSO, have you read the most recent Young Avengers run? It has some fantastic Kate Bishop moments. Especially this one.
Yes, I have! I was not the hugest fan of how Gillen handled the characters (and the plot, come to think of it), but I did love so many of those little moments.
I would like to read it, but know nothing. Is there a good place to pick the story up?
My Life As A Weapon is the first trade paperback–I think you can get it off of Amazon if you don’t have a good local comics store. Fortunately, you need very little background knowledge of the Marvel universe to enjoy the comics. Clint Barton is an Avenger who is really, really good with bows and arrows. Kate Bishop is not an Avenger, but also uses the name Hawkeye. They hang out. Clint is dating Spider Woman (Jessica Drew) at the start of the run. Everything else gets explained on the way!
Thank you!
I just got out of a book, so for now my subway rides are 2048. But I have Ada or Ardor on hold at the library. I’ve read different things about how good it is, but the prose always makes Nabokov worth it.
I love that phrase “just got out of a book.” Definitely feel that way sometimes after being immersed in a book-world!
Finishing up the Courtship of Princess Leia (thanks, Toast, for convincing me to read that based on the cover, it is my first EU novel) and about to start One-Eyed Jack (totally not at all because a guy I’m dating has a cameo in it). Now I’m going to drag my ass to the gym because I spent all day yesterday in bed.
I just started White Teeth by Zadie Smith. I remember some talk about it earlier, either here or on the Hairpin, so I am behind. I enjoy her writing style and her way of describing things. I’m not sure about the story yet, and I find the straightforward talk of race/accents/etc… interesting? I have not quite formed my thoughts yet, though I’d be interested to hear those of others.
For me reading it, the story took a long time to come together. I really enjoyed her characterizations and found it to be a novel with a lot of good quotable bits.
I love it! Read it on a 20th century British lit course. The prof introduced it with “Zadie Smith was 25 when this was published to great acclaim. Do you feel you have wasted your lives?” It has the flavor of a juicy, thick Victorian novel in that you get to spend a lot of time with several characters over many years. And the author clearly loves her imperfect creations.
I got my tattoo finished yesterday, but pictures will have to wait until it doesn’t look so sore and healy. (I say finished, but it’s at the state where I will see how it heals and then decide if it needs any more work)
Oh, and last weekend I MET SOME OWLS AND BEFRIENDED THEM
as did my charming husband
![]()
![]()
You guys looks so delighted!! I love it.
We were very delighted, since it only cost us £2 to hold an owl for as long as we wanted, and I stroked every owl and became owl queen.
BRB writing a novel with you and your tattoos and awesome hair as the kickass owl queen protagonist
Well, someone else has to do it because if I do it it’ll be REALLY self-aggrandizing. (Don’t forget the wing tattoo on my back or the flowers on my leg or the pirate cat on my other shoulder SO MANY TATTOOS)
WTF AMAZIIINNNNNGGG
i am 400 kinds of jealous
(your tats are glorious and you look perfect with a giant owl on your arm)
I should get an owl, y/y?
also, should change my display name to the owl queen, yes?
Well yes.
YES excellent move
Oh my gosh you guys are adorable with your owls and now I waaant one
Do they fly through the night doing your bidding now?
I can neither confirm nor deny that I have a hundred owl minions, poised to do my dark nighttime work.
I AM SO JEALOUS THAT I WANT TO CATCH A MOUSE IN MY TALONS RIGHT NOOOWWW
– an owl
Ahhhhhhhhhhh that is so cool!!!
OWLS! I love owls! How cool!!
Those are some of the most fucking majestic things I have ever seen. LUCKY YOU!
Somewhere I have a photo of myself holding a giant bird of prey, and even though i was saying to my self, “don’t lean aside, don’t lean aside,” I was totally leaning aside because that thing was scary and heavy and could totally have plucked my eyes out. So well done you.
Oh, they were very tame. The Eagle Owl that my husband held was the least tame, and the worst she did was decide when she want to be back at her perch with no consideration for him, and then ruffle up her feathers and glare at him.
The owl I held was a juvenile Great Grey, who still had all his baby fluff.
While we were there a barn owl pooed on a small girl who had been holding it for about half an hour.
Oh, that ankh necklace! The beau and I both have ridiculously old, hand-tapped ankh tattoos from our high school years. Shortly after we met, I saw his and just started laughing…
Josmonster has worn it every day since before I knew him.
If anyone in New York would like to go to the Aug 7 Bulletproof Stockings show that Nicole mentioned in the Link Roundup, I would really like to go!
Toasties, I am going on vacation tomorrow! I’ve been counting down for months and I am so excited. I’ve been reading up on flight safety statistics and feel like I have my fear of flying well in hand (and if all else fails, I have sedatives in my carry-on).
The only things marring my joy are: the canker sore on the inside of my lower lip, and the fact that I am in the unpleasant situation of watching a good friend (let’s call her Gertrude) make some pretty dubious life choices, and there’s nothing I can really do but watch.
Gertrude met this guy through a mutual friend when the mutual friend recruited him to help Gertrude move. They hit it off so well that the guy suggested a ~romantic weekend getaway~ in a city 6-7 hours away and she accepted. Two days after getting back, Gertrude texts me to say that they are now officially dating and she’s going to quit her job to go work as his personal assistant. SLOW DOWN THIS CRAZY TRAIN, WOMAN, YOU’VE KNOWN THIS GUY FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS. I said as tactfully as I could, “Don’t you think this is moving a bit fast?” and she acknowledged that it is but then glossed over my concerns (He’s such a great guy! She was going to quit her job anyway!) and I didn’t feel comfortable pressing the issue because I don’t want her to feel like she can’t confide in me because I’m judging her. But I feel like this is not going to end well.
You’re right Gertrude’s adventure is not going to end well. But you have already done all you can to this point. Keep in touch and remind her no matter what happens and no matter what she does, you are in her corner. She will learn from this adventure, though not without pain. So hard.
There is nothing worse than being a personal assistant – I can’t imagine doing it for someone who I was dating.
GOOD LUCK GERTRUDE.
As for books, I just finished Parasite by Mira Grant (great) and started on Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes (pretty great so far).
Zoo City was so good
Lauren Beukes is excellent, and I like that she tends to go for female main characters and characters of colour.
I was just poking around at my face in the mirror, wondering what to do about my forehead’s new penchant for whiteheads, and realized that we haven’t had a “Putting Your Face On With Adwoa” in a long time. Adwoa, where are you? Come back! I need help with my faaaaaace
(Of course, if anyone else has tips for demolishing swaths of whiteheads, along with an occasional regular zit, I would be more than happy to listen.)
I use lush cosmetics a lot and their cosmetic warrior face mask contains garlic and honey and it’s really helped with my occasional breakouts.
In fact, every time I switch away from their cleansers and moisturisers my skin gets dull and rough and blotchy, and as soon as I go back I am a smooth, glowy beauty again, so I’m pretty sold.
Thanks, that’s good to know. I like Lush, especially their big cruelty-free stance, but I haven’t tried much there because I’m often scared of the prices. I will check it out!
I find that they ARE expensive, but last a long time. But if you aren’t sure about a product, they often give out very generous samples if you ask!
Specifically, for oily, breakout prone skin I’d suggest you get samples of Dark Angel, herbalism or coalface (cleansers) enzymion (moisturiser) tea tree water (toner) and cosmetic warrior (mask)
They do a spot gel, but I’ve not dried it.
*takes notes for trip to mall this weekend*
Former Lush employee here!
The spot gel is good, but not magical. I sometimes slather it all over my face when I’m feeling extra greasy.
I personally prefer fresh pharmacy to coalface, but that could be because I have sensitive skin. Fresh pharm feels cleaner, to me.
As for facemasks, I’m a big fan of either Catastrophe Cosmetic or Cupcake for when you’re feeling zitty.
Their stuff is great, especially if you have sensitive skin. And for a big company, I really feel like they do a decent job of walking their talk and actually putting resources and effort into the things they say they promote. So!
Seconding Fresh Pharmacy! I love that stuff. And yeah, they do have great products for sensitive skin — I use Celestial as a night cream, even though it probably is a touch heavier than I need, and my skin feels sooo good.
I’ve been having pretty good luck with witch hazel (with no alcohol) and liberal glugs of tea tree oil.
Just like straight-up tea tree oil? I’ve tried a tea-tree cleanser before, and I remember that being pretty good, but I haven’t messed around with just the oil.
Just the oil. I put it on after moisturizing, but I think it needs to be pretty uncut to do anything but smell.
Seconding straight tea tree oil.
Thirding the tea tree oil. A little dab on a problem spot clears it up for me in just a few days.
Sounds like you just need a bit of regular exfoliation. I’ve given up trying to find the right cleanser (I hate them all, I might just have soft water or something) but if I scrub gently with a washcloth to remove cleanser at night, it seems to work perfectly.
If that doesn’t work, give it 2 weeks or so, consider trying a very very mild benzoyl peroxide cream, like 2.5 percent, that should do the trick. I know Paula’s Choice (web brand) has that cream, I’ve had trouble finding a low percentage in stores.
A few months ago I pretty much stopped washing my face. It was out of dirtbaggery and laziness, but then I noticed that my skin actually looked better (and I had been using a fancy, supposedly gentle cleanser with rave reviews on the Sephora website!). Now I’ll give it a good scrub maybe twice a week with my Clarisonic brush and the aforementioned cleanser while I’m in the shower, but otherwise all I do is wipe it with pure tea tree oil. And moisturize. (I use an Olay moisturizer with SPF during the daytime and Caudalie Huile Divine before bed.)
Yes, the less I do to my skin the happier it is. I wash only when removing makeup or in advance of applying makeup. Otherwise it’s just a gently rub with a damp washcloth, just because it feels good.
Oh, you are brave. I’d be afraid of my face pulling an all-out rebellion if I didn’t wash it. But overcleansing is definitely a thing, so I will keep that in mind!
I don’t know about your skin, but if mine gifted me an entire swath of whiteheads it would be A Message. Consistent irritation across an entire area means I have to ditch an offending product. My forehead would be saying Stop using that irritating product! Of course, it waits weeks to protest, so I have to guess which product it objects to. I could quit one item at a time for a few weeks at a time, but that adds up to months and patience does not live at my house. So I just quit using everything and wait for healing. Good luck.
Adwoa is gone! She took a full-time job in London! I mean, she’s not GONE, she still pops up now and again, but her column is done for now.
I worked the weekend two weeks ago. Had an out-of-town guest last weekend who got in Friday afternoon and stayed till I left for work Monday morning. I work next weekend. *clings to 6 o’clock*
RIGHT NOW I am reading Alison Weir’s biography of Katherine Swynford! It’s fine. I prefer to listen to these on audio in the car, but our ILL department apparently couldn’t find it anywhere for me. Hmph.
Also, SAILOR MOON CRYSTAL EPISODE 3 TOMORROW
MARS SHOWS UP
I’M GONNA LOSE MY SHIT even though venus is my favorite
OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY REI IS MY FAVORITE YAY YAY YAY.
I really like the pace they seem to be moving at with all this, this means Jupiter in two weeks if they keep along with the pacing from the manga!
THEN MINAKO AND I CAN CELEBRATE YAAAAY
So if you read the manga maybe you can answer this question: did Mamoru just wander around in his tuxedo all the time there, too? Because that is pretty hilarious.
He actually did, at least in the first appearance. There were some cool comparisons going around Tumblr – I can’t find them right now as I have to use quota time to access Tumblr (but not The Toast…we must have a misandrist on IT staff here somewhere) but there is definitely visual confirmation. 😀
What is this quota time that you speak of? My company blocks FB and pinterest, but nothing else! So weird.
My company uses Websense, which is The Worst Thing. I am only allowed to view some sites in five minute increments, and we only get an hour total per day to do such. Streaming media in all forms is blocked outright, so I can’t get to Youtube or Pandora or even sites like The Awl or Indiegogo.
Basically, it’s the worst. I have an easier time listing sites that AREN’T blocked – here, Wikipedia, TV Tropes (though amusingly enough, the page for Naruto IS)….and Reddit. (Ugh.)
HIs tuxedo with a DRACULA TROPHY. Kills me.
They are KILLING ME with this once every two weeks nonsense
YAY
Minako is my favourite too!
AHHHH THERE ARE OTHER TOASTFOLK BESIDES ME WHO LIKE SAILOR MOON AHHHHH
I’m most excited for Jupiter to show up! I think that should be in another two weeks! Yay! Also I’m curious to see if they’re going to give the Shitennou the full melty face treatment like in the manga. We may find out tomorrow…
Hey, also, does anyone have experience with Ikea mattresses? (Apologies if this has been covered before.) I liked one of the more “high end” ones– like not just springs, but with the layer of latex foam or whatever– but I’m a little wary of it falling apart after a couple of years.
I’ve had my “memory foam” (it’s probably not memory foam) mattress from ikea for five years and it is starting to wear now, but for the price tag (I’m quite sure it was less than $200) five years maybe isn’t bad.
Hmm, yeah, that’s about what I figured. This one was ~$500, I think, so I’ll have to decide if that’s worth it. (And considering the other mattress I liked was $2,000, it might have to be.)
We have one that’s been in use on and off for about five years. They hold up okay – maybe a little better than you’d expect an IKEA foam mattress to hold up? We have the one without springs, just foam. It’s going back into use on our guest room bed.
An ex has an Ikea mattress that was in the $500 range, and damn if it isn’t my favorite mattress ever. He’s had it for probably 5 years now, and I think it’s going strong.
Aha, a positive recommendation! I’ll take it.
I am ALL about Ikea mattresses. If you liked it, do it & save yourself the $1500.
I have one of the cheapest of the cheap IKEA mattresses and it’s going strong after 7+ years. Not the most luxurious thing to sleep on but hasn’t developed any sags or lumps. But of an indent in the center where I sleep but not too noticeable.
I’ve had one of the nice/expensive ones since 2009 and it’s in great shape functionally. I have put a bit of a valley in the middle from sleeping there all the time but that’s it.
I’ve had one with the fancy foam for close to eight years, I guess. It’s never been fantastic, but it’s fine still. I do have the domed slats from Ikea underneath it, which I think makes a difference. Also I turn it sometimes.
I got mine from the as-is section. They don’t have a lot of mattresses there, but it’s worth checking.
I’ve had an ultra-cheap-o Ikea mattress for 7~8 years and it’s been perfectly adequate. Very lightweight, which is helpful if you move a lot.
Ok, so far nobody has mentioned their Ikea mattress exploding or disintegrating or anything, so I’m encouraged. Thanks, y’all!
SAVE THE RECEIPT. They have a 10 year warranty, and they mean it. Whenever your mattress starts to sag or get lumpy, bring it in and swap it for a new one. I literally have my receipt filed away, ready to go when my mattress caves.
We bought a $300 IKEA mattress and put a $150 4″ memory foam topper on AND a $100 featherbed. It’s a glorious bed.
just reading the description of your bed makes me feel relaxed… wonderbed!
Yesterday was my little brother’s 19th birthday. My grandmother included a note in his card asking him to “please consider medicine” as a career choice – after already having talked to him about this for an hour or more at graduation a month ago. I guess she realized she has to try harder since I got a double-major in history and English.
It’s mostly hilarious how little her reality coincides with actual reality. I’m employed in my field right out of college with a liberal arts degree. My brother is considering studying computer science/engineering. Two of my grandmother’s own children are physicians. You think she would be happy and proud of her family… but no. Oh well.
In more exciting news, my parents added another dog to their family. Both dogs (a black lab mix and a yellow lab mix) are getting along. The older dog seems to be attempting to show the new dog how things work in her new digs, which is pretty adorable.
Grandma’s worried, not disappointed. In her day, law and medicine were reliable portals to stability. She just wants to know y’all are gonna be OK.
Urgh. My mother tried to recruit the whole family to talk to my cousin and make him change his choice of study because she thinks it doesn’t suit his personality. She’s met him three times in his life. It’s astonishing how determined people can be that their relatives will fit the imaginary mould in their heads.
Yay, dog friends!
Now that I’m 25, my grandmother is finally giving up on me going to med school. She still wants me to go to law school, though, because our options are doctor and lawyer. She even disapproved when my dad became a doctor because he didn’t choose a prestigious/high-paying specialty! Unfortunately for me, her sister’s grandson (who’s my age) did go to law school and was offered a job at a fancy firm.
However, I now have a job doing what I’ve always wanted (and planned) to do, so her complaints have a lot less bite. My mother always reminded me that my grandmother never finished college and never really worked, so she has zero idea of what the working world/job market is actually like.
Michiganders! Roxane Gay is reading/signing in Ann Arbor next Thursday (7th)! Let’s all go together! We’re meeting up at 6 at Arbor Brewing and moseying down to Literati at 7. Let me know if you’re coming so I can grab an appropriately sized table.
Also, PitytheViolins, how are we going to find each other.
Late to this but I’ll be there! I just moved back and am so glad there are other Toasties in Michigan!
I am reading Bob Colacello’s Holy Terror because I completely missed having a Warhol Factory stage as a youth except as it had to do with the Velvet Underground and I want to have one now. he is entirely untrustworthy as is anyone who has a kind word to say about the William F. Buckleys and I don’t care at all about how hard Andy made his life, I am sure he deserved it. but it’s a very good book.
edit: I am supplementing it with youtube clips here and there and it’s funny how hard and devotedly he works to reproduce Andy’s speech patterns and how very differently they still come across when you hear them for yourself. and Candy Darling was very beautiful, I had not realized.
I’ve read a zillion billion million comics this month, having raided my husband’s library, and I’m…actually longing for a book without pictures? Though I must offer a zealous rec for Moyoco Anno’s In Clothes Called Fat; really, the josei manga Vertical publishes is all pretty jaw-droppingly amazing, Kyoko Okazaki especially.
So I am on a working out kick and I went back into the Feel the Burn archives and did Nicole’s first workout at the gym this morning…and now I can barely lift my arms above my head. It’s great.
Also, I was doing my third set of pushups and when I finished, this older man said to me, “Wow, that’s impressive! Have you always been able to do that?” I was like, “Well, my form has been okay for awhile, but I haven’t been able to do this many…” And he said, “Good for you! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman do one before, and I’ve been going to gyms for a long time!”
…what? I mean, pushups are hard, FOR SURE. But you’re NEVER seen a woman do one before?? I don’t understand.
I think older men either have very limited field of vision or social circles. o_O
I am an older woman and I can assure you YOU ARE CORRECT!
I am reading ALL the Lois McMaster Bujold I can get my hands on and it is AMAZING and GREAT.
(I also have four or five other books out of the library as well, but who’s counting?)
I’ve been doing this for the past year. I wish I’d discovered her so much earlier than I did. Her books are incredible
But seriously. Why is she not as famous as GRRM or Patrick Rothfuss? (Oh right.)
A few years ago Charlie Stross started a discussion on his blog about the best book (or maybe it was SF&F book) of the past decade. He became frustrated when almost all of the authors mentioned were men. So he made a new post asking specifically for female authors. That’s how I was introduced to Bujold. I’m continually astounded at how often she just…doesn’t get mentioned.
That is very interesting. In the 90s when she won 4 hugos in 5 years, she was talked about a lot more, I think. I remember people complaining that she was over-recommended, not in the sense that her books weren’t fantastic, but that they had already read everything she was written and yet she was still everyone’s first recommendation. 🙂
But then the audience for f&sf has changed a lot since Potter and LoTR and GRRM and everything.
I was born in 1990, so I could be said to have lived through that era in only the loosest terms. I started wandering Amazon for recommendations/lists in the mid-noughties, and by then I came across a ton of GRRM and Wheel of Time but absolutely no Bujold. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her on any of the Best of SF&F lists, either.
Maybe it’s because her popularity peak came before the internet took off?
Hmmmn yes I think maybe so. And also her stuff is a lot more feminist than the stuff which gets the big mass love (GRRM, WoT, etc) AND by the time there was really the huge mass audience for F&SF she’d gone from writing space opera to fantasy romance which is less likely to appeal to the menz who dive in to yell about their favourite authors/make lists of the best books/etc.
Even back in the 90s there were plenty of men who claimed her work wasn’t ‘really’ sf because she talked about reproductive technology and psychology and stuff as opposed to spending 50 pages explaining the physics of space flight. 😛
I have read all the Vorkosigan books like 5 times now, and the non-Vorkosigan books not so much, although I think The Curse of Chalion is one of the best, but it makes me cry for hours so I have to measure it out every few years.
Yes!! The best thing about Bujold is that she is boh incredibly talented and incredibly prolific. I will be devastated when I run out of her books.
This would be why I haven’t read The Hallowed Hunt yet, because then I will be one step closer to out of Bujold, and I don’t know how I would cope.
I am so happy you are discovering her! I never tire of re-reading the Vorkosigan and Chalion series.
Yes, this is definitely a where has this been all my life sort of situation. I love it!
Aw hell yes! Reading Paladin of Souls here, and it is choice. In most recent plot developments, Ista kisses all the boys. And is generally badass.
Ista is the best. I love how that book starts with this sort of tacit acknowledgment that her life should be over. She’s a widow and a grandmother and her own mother just died. Time to sit in the castle for the rest of forever. And she’s like “Fuck that, it’s adventure time”
Yes yes yes. I love that she literally just runs out the door in full mourning clothes.
You used to be able to get most of her books for free from Tor – I think I have them on a Dropbox somewhere, if you (or anyone else) are interested?
ooo! go on…
I posted a link in a separate thread, but here we go again: link
Which is your favourite so far?
I was just realising in the other comment I posted that when I hear Bujold I think ‘Vorkosigan books!’ because those were the only ones there were when we discovered her in 1997. 🙂
Oh, don’t make me choose! It’s like asking what is my favorite kind of pie — and I love pie.
So far I’ve only read The Curse of Chalion and two Vorkosigan books, but I have The Paladin of Souls on my bookshelf next. So excited! (I realize I may have a problem. Oh well.)
I love Shards of Honor and Barryar so so so much. And also anything with Miles in it. 😉
Yes yes yes. Love all the Bujold books though my heart belongs to Miles. Well, and Cordelia. And Aral. And that idiot Ivan (Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance was wonderful.) I have read all the Vor books multiple times; the Chalion and Sharing Knife books are also good.
PS You love Bujold AND your name is Rosie M Banks? Two things I adore! Were you at the meetup in Oakland and did I miss my chance to meet you?
Guys, my darling husband has gone MAD WITH POWER, as men do:
tell him I played in a male-gm, all female game and the gm spent each session looking more and more frightened as we UNLEASHED also we like never listened to him and we did stupid shit like try to use a tornado to slingshot a pirate ship crewed by TWO PEOPLE in front of a slaver convoy while drunk
Ha! Apparently last session someone tried to distract a monster by flashing her boobs, so we’re well on our way to anarchy.
I am looking forward to this campaign journal.
I have been the only lady DM with male players. It ended with a Total Party Kill.
I have seriously never seen a man more frightened than he was DMing a game full of women. One of the ladies – who was playing a chaotic evil character, had the following scene with him.
*rolls die*
Him: “Your strike hits home, and he keels over with your dagger sticking out of his chest.”
Her: “I pull my dagger out.”
Him: “Okay.”
Her: “Then I scalp him.”
Him: “O . . . okay?”
Her: “Then I take his scalp and use it as a period rag.”
Him: *speechless*
Don’t fuck with chaotic evil ladies, guy.
Hmm, a scalp wouldn’t make the best period rag. Not very absorbent. And if you wore it hair side out, it’d be pretty itchy.
But you gotta admit, it does send a message.
Big hair. No heart.
Oh that’s adorable, he thinks the players listen to the DM.
I’m the only gal in the group who’s played before–and I’ve been out the last two sessions with migraines–and yeah, he says it’s reallllly hard to get ’em to pick up on plot hooks.
I read Scarecrone by Melissa Broder last week, and I recommend it. It is the Emily Books pick for this month and the title alone makes it Toastie in nature I think: http://emilybooks.com/products/scarecrone
Also reading:
Written in My Heart’s Own Blood by Diana Gabaldon (and now wanting to reread the whole Outlander series, but that would take forever).
Friendship by Emily Gould
Long Hidden: Speculative Fiction from the Margins of History edited by Rose Fox and Daniel José Older
Excited to read:
Seconds by Bryan Lee O’Malley (author of the Scott Pilgrim series)
Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay, coming out next week!
Books! It is a long weekend in Canada this weekend, and I am going to do so much reading.
Have you read Notice, the Emily books pick from maybe January? I am reading it now and WOW. It is so tense it’s a wonder I remember to breathe.
I have not, but I do own it, because that was before I had to cancel my subscription due to… book hoarding issues. Thanks for the reminder!
I bought The Haunting of Hill House, which will be my first Shirley Jackson novel. I’ll probably start it on my flight to Colorado tonight. I’ll miss you guys this week!
This is what I’m reading now: http://www.cornellpress.cornell.edu/book/?gcoi=80…
I heard about it on one of the WHYY radio shows a few months back, but wasn’t able to get it from the library until now, presumably because everyone else in the neighborhood also heard about it on the radio and wanted to read it first.
Ohhh, as a Philly area lady myself, that sounds really interesting! (You and I had that discussion of local slugs a couple weeks ago, haha.)
Re: Other recent-ish Philadelphia history (with a discussion of the racial makeup of Philly neighborhoods): did you see that documentary “Let The Fire Burn” on the MOVE bombing (it was on PBS a few months ago)? It was really well done.
Yes, I remember! (My garbage can was delightfully slug-free today, btw.)
I’ve only just started, but it is interesting so far. I haven’t seen that documentary yet, but I’ve added it to my list. Thanks for the recommendation!
I’m reading Jane Austen’s “Persuasion” for the first time, because I am a big believer in reading books when you’re ready to read them (which I certainly wasn’t for Austen when I was younger) and classic books stay in print forever.
Ohhh, I love “Persuasion.” I do think it’s her best, but maybe it’s because I can relate the most to Anne Eliot.
I’m loving Anne so far too. I love the part where she tries to tell her sister that maybe, just maybe their father is insisting on bringing their servant to their new residence for reasons other than how good she is at her job.
Persuasion is by far my favorite Austen! I actually think I relate more to Elizabeth Bennett than Anne, but I just admire Anne’s character so much and I find the story, which focuses much more on her relationships rather than social intrigue, to be very compelling.
I’ve actually been considering a reread (I do this about every six months), but I might instead go with Sorcery and Cecelia, which I highly recommend if you’re ever in the mood for Austen but want extra doses of fun and magic.
Also the 1995 film adaptation of “Persuasion” which, so far, seems not too different from the book, is magnificent, and I say that as someone who has very little patience with costume dramas.
I love costume dramas but I think the casting is spot in that adaptation! The newer adaptation by BBC is just.. off.
Agreed, the casting is perfect in that one.
Persuasion is just so beautiful.
I’m reading a biography of Jane Austen, and I just got to the part where she died. 🙁
Earlier this week, I was giving myself a bit of a break and decided to re-read Lords and Ladies by Terry Pratchett. It’s one of the first Discworld books I read, but because I don’t own it, I haven’t re-read it to death like half of his other books. It was a comfort read.
Next I’m going to read a Nnedi Okorafor book, thanks to your wonderful recommendations!
Ooh, but Lords and Ladies is one of the scariest Discworld books!
Cassandra’s letter about the death of Jane breaks my heart every time “I have lost a treasure, such a sister, such a friend as never can have been surpassed. She was the sun of my life, the gilder of every pleasure, the soother of every sorrow; I had not a thought concealed from her, and it is as if I had lost a part of myself.”
I’m just getting into Discworld and loving it! Just recently read Mort and I think that Death may be my favorite character. Any suggestions about next Discworld books?
A weird week of high highs and the lowest lows. I started a wonderful, meaningful new job doing radical and empowering work in a woman-centered environment. So that’s really great. But my husband and I are also reeling from his parents’ sudden divorce. I should preface this by saying that we always regarded his parents to be the most stable, normal people in the world. So what if they never talked about their feelings? Compared to my family who never stop, it was positively refreshing. But this week, after 35 years of marriage and two grown children, his mother told his father that she was unhappy, had always been unhappy, had been mustering the strength to leave him for decades but had always bottled up her feelings. My father-in-law is a really nice guy, but emotionally stunted from losing both of his parents at 20 and having to raise himself into adulthood on his own. It’s like he gave everything he had to not falling into despair and then forgot how to feel for the rest of his life, to play armchair therapist. So my mother-in-law has always felt that there was a great emptiness of intimacy between them. That void led her to spend more and more time with her (female) best friend and business partner, whom she is now also falling in love with, leading her to question whether she has ever been into men at all.
My husband has been on the phone with both of them all week, doing triage therapy. He himself is feeling totally lost and unmoored. It’s just heartbreaking and surreal, and we just want them both to somehow be okay.
That’s a doozie. I don’t have much to say except to wish your husband the best and I hope that both of his parents can arrive (eventually) at some happiness.
May I ask what your job is? You’re in Boston, right? I would love love love to work at a radical and empowering woman-centered place and am sort of considering switching jobs so I dunno!!!
+1 to both parts of this comment.
Oh, wow. That is just such a blow. I’m so sorry.
But your new job sounds awesome! You’re not kidding about the highs and lows.
I hope that your husband can find a place of peace for himself. That is a very difficult situation, particularly I think, as an adult.
I can sympathize rather particularly with your mother-in-law, as I left my husband (although we were not together as long, but it had been over 15 years) after falling in love with my (female) best friend. I realized that I had made a lot of rather stupid misjudgements and had, despite otherwise being rather self-reflective, been in massive denial about my sexuality. It is a difficult place to be in and it is hard to admit even to yourself, let alone to others. I hope that both your mother-in-law and father-in-law get the support they need to find happiness and peace.
I’m 200 pages into The Casual Vacancy and I bought it mostly because I *want* to care. I want to care so much. And it did pick up when I got into the plotline about the social worker and her douchebag boyfriend who hopefully meets an untimely end in a pit somewhere, but I’m otherwise just having a great deal of difficulty caring about this book.
Also I just moved across the country from the west coast to the east coast and it’s only been four days but I strongly feel it was among the best decisions I’ve ever made, so it’s possible that’s contributing to my lack of focus.
I tried so hard to care about the Casual Vacancy but I ended up giving up about halfway through. I still have that “I want to care so much!” feeling, so I keep thinking, “Maybe I just wasn’t in the right mindset… I’ll try again later.” I worry that’s not going to happen.
I think that is probably the way it’s going to be, with the never quite being in the mindset for it. Something to read while bored on public transit, maybe.
I loved living on the East Coast. Good for you. I miss it and I envy you.
Thank you!! I am very excited. Someday I hope to miss it too, or possibly not, if I stay.
I tried my very best to get into The Casual Vacancy and just Could. Not. If you’re wanting to keep up with Rowling, read The Cuckoo’s Calling instead, it’s so much better.
This is good to know! I really want to support her efforts for adults because I think it must be horrible to be pigeonholed into being the author of That One Thing, so I’ll definitely try that one next. Thanks!
Bummer. I haven’t read it, but when I ask them, I’d say about 90% of the people who return it to the library say they just could not get into it at all. I am curious about the Robert Galbraith books though, as those seem to be much better received.
Well I’m glad I’m obviously not alone. I had actually just learned about her stint as Galbraith recently and I’m excited to see what those are about too.
This was two days ago but I just want to say her Robert Galbraith books are fantastic! I loved them both, whilst hating A Casual Vacancy with the fire of 1000 suns…could not care less about those characters. But huge thumbs up for the detective novels!
It’s been more than a year since I finished it, and in my memory, I liked it, but my husband swears that I was cranky and unfocused the whole time I was reading it. I must have liked the story as a whole, but maybe getting to the end was terrible?
I’m looking forward to the TV adaptation.
Oh man, a TV adaptation?? That I think I could DEFINITELY get behind. It would be great in that format. I’ve been consuming BBC miniseries like nobody’s business lately and it’s like it was built for it. Well that’s good then, maybe I’ll hold out til then, nobody tell me the ending.
i listened to the casual vacancy audiobook and it took me a while to get into, but then i loved it! not sure how long to tell you stick it out, but i really liked it.
Good to know! One way or another I’ll get there. Maybe I’ll skim through until the last 20 pages and pretend like I know exactly what’s gone on throughout.
I have been devouring Deborah Harkness’ All Souls Trilogy. Witches + hot vampires + historical fiction = way too much fun. I just started the final book and am worried I will read it too fast and then I’ll be sad so I am hoping to pace myself this weekend.
this open thread topic exists because the bartender just read all three books in two days and is now depressed because it’s all over.
This is the weekend, I swear! when I will start reading Thomas Piketty’s “Capital in the 21st Century.”
Earlier this summer I finally read Chimamanda Adiche’s “Half of a Yellow Sun” partly thanks to reading more about her here. I loved it, so, thanks!
Starting to read “Capital in the 21st Century” is a reasonable goal.
Ooh! I just read Americanah. Half of a Yellow Sun is up next!
Toasties, I need advice.
I keep getting mad at my boyfriend for dumb and imagined slights – this largely happens when I am drinking. I will escalate something that is not a big deal, or even a deal at all, into a Big Deal and then getting mad at him by refusing to talk to him, being cold, etc. It got out of hand last night to the point where he wouldn’t even come home with me, and went back to his place at 11:30 pm (he lives any hour away).
I feel awful. I know this is pushing him away, and I don’t know how to make it up to him. I know solution A is to stop drinking, which I am going to do because I’m not very good at it right now, but in the meantime, what? He’s been incredibly patient with me up until now but he snapped last night, and I don’t blame him.I’m not even certain when I shifted last night — we were having a great night and all of a sudden I was really pissed off. Just a total 180 — it’s not fair to him for my emotions to swing like that for no reason, it’s not fun for me to be a jerk all of a sudden, and I just – I don’t know. I’m terrified that I’m pushing him away and have no idea how to make this up to him aside from apologizing a thousand times over. Advice? Please?
Also needed: I have got to give him some space tonight to sleep and mull things over, so books/movies/things to distract myself with in the meantime? Something a little dumb would be nice.
I have no advice, but I was in a similar situation about a month ago and have since stopped drinking (pretty much….did have beers at a baseball game last night because how could you not?) and it’s been a really good decision. Sending you tons of support!
Thank you! It’s going to be tough because I live in the drinkiest city ever, but I think it’s important.
Some Toasties gave me great non-alcohol drinking ideas, so I am paying it forward:
Nectarine-basil lemonade (potentially topped with sweetened whipped cream)
1/4 c each orange juice and cream in a pint glass, poured over ice, and filled to the top with seltzer or even just cold water (like a creamsicle! can replace milk with coconut milk)
Dry sodas (a brand – I haven’t been able to find them locally though)
fruit juice or iced tea with fizzy water, or hot herbal teas. Celestial Seasonings makes a ‘Bengal Spice’ tisane which is awfully good for bagged stuff, cinnamon and the other spices that go into chai but no actual tea. It is wonderful hot with soy creamer (or real cream) and some honey.
homemade ginger tea – chop up fresh ginger and put it into a glass and adding hot water plus honey (if you like honey)
The Bengal Spice you can also make like 4x strength and then add simple syrup and ice for iced tea!
My first, very gentle and non-judgmental tip is to try and find a good therapist, if you can afford one. They can help you get to the root of the mood flips, and help you combat them. That’s a long-term thing.
Short term, try to keep a mood diary, figuring out what it is that causes these flips (alcohol rarely causes, but does exacerbate an existing issue), like what do the minor things he does have in common. And then from there you’ll get better at recognising why you’re doing it and when you’re going to do it, so you can remove yourself from the situation rather than hurting him.
When I lash out over silly things it’s usually because I am a feral cat, and something he’s said has made me feel vulnerable, and feral cats cannot be vulnerable because then all is lost. So I swipe with claws, to make him clear I am a strong and vicious cat and he can’t have my territory and my dead mice.
But really, I want to share my territory and my dead mice. I just don’t want them taken from me because I’m too weak to guard them. So I have to learn, carefully, that just because he touches me in the wrong way it doesn’t mean it’s an attack. He can be told not to touch me like that without either of us being left bleeding.
I’m not saying this is what’s behind your lashing out, but it’s worth considering.
Exactly this. Trigger words, phrases, tone, setting, touches can all cause it to happen – you have to pay close attention sometimes to figure out what the trigger actually was. Also, my hormones have been off the wall for the last couple of years (thanks Mirena!), so I’ll get random anxiety attacks and pissy-bitch fits with no warning. I have to pay attention to make sure that I recognize it fast, so I can put myself on time out/keep my mouth shut. The beau still worries that the episodes are somehow his fault, but I know it’s just stupid chemicals making me evil for a little while. Tight hugs and quiet time help tremendously.
I’m glad to hear that you are able to manage it – it gives me hope.
I’m actually looking forward to therapy now, because just talking to warm, objective strangers on The Toast has made me feel a lot better, and realize how much I need it.
The Toast and Toasties are a sanity saver, and possibly life saver, no doubt.
This is really good advice, thank you so much — the mood diary would be really helpful, and a tangible way to prove that I’m trying to do something about it, as I am afraid it will all sound like false promises at this point. I also think I may be able to find patterns in there which would be so key.
A therapist is also a good idea – I had made an appointment in January and then chickened out and canceled, but I found a place that looks decent down the street from my office and I just requested a consultation. Your feral cat description sounds apt — I think a lot of my issues stem from my own insecurities and then I lash out about unrelated things.
Some fellow feral cats agree 100%.
I do this whenever I drink too much, which is pretty much every time I drink.
The only thing that has “worked” for me is stopping drinking for a little while, and doing what I can to make it up to him until he forgives me. So, really, just time and patience.
I really should just stop drinking altogether since I have other issues with alcohol anyway.
Sending support your way, and if you figure it out, let me know. <3
ha, this sounds familiar. I’m sorry that it’s happening 🙁
I agree that stopping drinking is probably a good idea, at least until you have some clear head space to evaluate maybe some of the “why” behind the lashing out. It may be as simple as “because alcohol is a dickhead” to be honest. Not everyone can drink, I’m in that camp. And I’m a super happy, fulfilled, non-judgemental-hanging-with-the-drunkeys sober person.
As far as something to distract yourself, John Oliver is a nice combination of hilarious and smart – I found myself distracted by that quite a bit over the last few months when I really needed it.
chin up, you seem like a great person, and seem very self-aware and mature xoxo
This is a total shot in the dark, but are you having mood swings when he’s not around too, i.e. might he just be the nearest target for an overarching problem?
Yeah, that’s kind of what I was wondering — if it’s specifically him, maybe it’s the relationship, but if he’s just around, it could be a larger issue.
I also recommend not-drinking and therapy. (And hey! If you usually drink in a bar, the money you’re saving can pay for the therapy…..)
Definitely a larger issue — to therapy we go. Good point on saving the beer money..
I was thinking about posting a question really similar to this because I am the same and I have never behaved this way before and I dont understand why it’s happening. I wonder if it might be from a place of insecurity as it started after he told me this story about how he was previously in love with one of his friends that he still speaks to a LOT, but honestly I have no idea what it is.
Not to minimize, but it is much worse when im hungry.
Oh for some people low blood sugar is just a nightmare, our partner turns into a vicious bear if his blood sugar is low and so does our daughter so I suspect it is just genetic — which reminds me I must feed her lunch NOW.
I’m sorry that’s happening, and I’d back up Owl Queen’s advice to possibly check out some therapy, keep a mood diary and back off the alcohol for a bit. I found that when I would do this with my partner, I’d get more and more upset, and he would interpret it as my being “irrational” which made me even more angry, so I’d be apologising the next day. But then I really started to pick through those feelings that were exacerbated when I was drinking, and realized that there was an undercurrent present all the time- it just took the booze to turn my filter off and come out swinging at him (verbally, that is). If you can keep track of what’s setting you off, and whether it ever occurs to you to get upset about those things when you’re sober, it could help you get to the root of the matter with your bf. Good luck m’lady!
Thanks! I thought I had gotten to the root of the issue this weekend…and clearly what I thought was the root was not the root at all. More work to do.
Hi, I’m a lurkervonlurkypants, but this felt like a good time to leave a comment. I quit drinking this past November, after making some really bad drunken choices and being very cruel to my (now) ex. It was a wonderful, difficult, worth it thing. If you can get a therapist to help you work through what is happening, that’s great, but really, just cutting the booze was SUCH a huge improvement in my life. I cannot reccomend it enough. Lots of thoughts and well wishes your way!
I have the third issue of the new Sandman comics waiting for me to be comfy and happy enough to properly savour it. 😀 I’m also reading Ancillary Justice and Roadside Picnic.
I just bought my first TV ever! Now that Mr. Noodgeforlyfe and I have split, and I will be living on my own for the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE (!!!) I feel like there will be a number of firsts on the way. But I’m pretty excited about this one. YAY!
Living on your own! So happy for you!
Wow you did it!! Great job!
Book recs??? I finally gave up on Jonathan Strange this week, and am looking for a replacement for my subway rides. I got about 60% of the way through before finally accepting that my brain really just did not mesh with the writing style and looking up the rest.
I tend to be in to sprawly, plotty epics (Dune, The Name of the Rose, Anathem) and character-driven SF/F (so anything by Lois McMaster Bujold) (. I actually recently blew through the Chalion trilogy on the Toast’s suggestion and loved it! By which I mean I want thirty books on Ista, but hey.
I’m reading Coldest Girl In Coldtown on my commutes right now, and it is AMAZING.
Do You Like Vampires, Though? is the question.
On the character-driven SF/F front, I’m fond of basically everything by Tanya Huff.
So have you read Robin Hobb? Because she’s like the (other) queen of epic, character-driven fantasy, with lots of excellent female characters. (Assassin’s Apprentice is the usual starting place, but the Liveship books focus mostly on a family of women. Also there are pirates too.)
Seconded. Robin Hobb is great for the sprawling epics.
YES to the Liveship books. That’s where I started, and I absolutely loved them. Then I did the Soldier’s Son trilogy, which was not nearly as satisfying to me. I should get to the Assassin books, but they’re never in the library.
COLD MAGIC COLD MAGIC COLD MAGIC. Sprawling icepunk/fantasy saga with an amazing heroine and wonderful cast of characters and really amazing worldbuilding. By Kate Elliott. Sequels are Cold Fire and Cold Steel!
Ooooh, all good suggestions. Going on a Kindle hunt after work!
Sherwood Smith’s Inda series. It is a sprawly epic that has everything; politics, adventure, war, pirates, cultural relativity, magic, history, etc. It starts slow and has a lot of characters, but one thing I LOVED about the series is….
This is slowly expounded upon throughout the series–some of it I didn’t fully understand the mechanics of until the last book. But. A long time ago, the people came from somewhere else and colonized this world/planet. There were other entities already there, and some of the women were the first colonists to make contact and learn how to use magic from them. The women used the magic to make a few improvements to their lives.
Women are now infertile by default, and can become fertile by consuming this one really common herb. If you can’t/don’t want to give birth, or you don’t want to have sex with the person you were wedded to for political purposes but you need to produce an heir, there’s an easy spell you can do to get a baby. The spell can be performed by a man and a woman, two men or two women, or even one person by themselves, and it doesn’t matter how old they are.
There are other problems, of course. People still fall in love with people who don’t love them back. They still have complicated/confused feelings about their own sexuality. But it was such a relief to read a book where rape culture has been eliminated (also thanks to those first magic users) and women are allowed to have sex without shame. The same author also wrote a book (set in the same world, 400 years after the Inda series) with an explicitly asexual protagonist.
Try either Joan Vinge (sci-fi but with a fantasy kind of vibe – start with The Snow Queen) or Vernor Vinge (much more sci-fi, but still actually focused on characters rather than unnecessary worldbuilding – start with A Deepness in the Sky) (they used to be married, hence the last names)
Hild!!!!
fionavar tapestry by guy gavriel kay. or anything else by him.
Also, I’m meeting my boyfriend’s parents next week, and I’m super nervous, and horribly afraid they’re expecting/hoping for someone more mature and successful at adulting than me. I’m practicing being dreadfully suave and charming.
Um. The parents’ opinions are not paramount. Yours are. What are they like? Finding out is your mission. Also, how does Boyfriend interact with them. Very telling. Relax. You are wonderful and this is a fact-finding mission.
Aw, thank you. You’re right, I hadn’t thought about it like that.
They are not actually worried about your maturity or success. They’re probably just happy to have someone new to talk to. You’ll be great!
I know, I’m sure I’m overthinking it! His dad’s main question was what kind of tea/coffee he should get for my visit, rather than my religion/politics/career plans, so it seems like I can relax a bit.
Don’t worry so much about being suave! Unless they’re monsters, they’ll just want to know that their son is with a decent person who makes him happy. Think up a couple of good stories to tell, and ask them a bunch of questions about what your boyfriend was like as a child and hopefully you’ll get some good embarrassing stuff.
I like this plan of bringing all the attention back to him. 🙂
Toasties, anybody ever had a pet guinea pig? I have been struggling with lack of animal interaction since I stopped being able to play with Murder Mouse. I can’t have a cat or dog due to apartment building regulations. According to the Internet guinea pigs are either chirpy little snugglebugs or smelly, boring ingrates. Experiences/thoughts?
aw, I loved my guinea pig. I got him from a rescue – he was a silky, which means that if I didn’t trim his hair and then let him run around the house he looked like an animated mop head. His name was Chewy, and was certainly interactive, but I think a lot of that comes down to individual personalities. He loved to sing his squealy songs, especially when we rustled the plastic bag with spinach in it (his favorite treat). I would set up a little pen in the living room with a puppy pad on the floor and let him run around with spinach and chew toys and stuff, and the cats would sit outside the pen and watch him with horrified amazement.
TL:DR – guinea pigs can be great pets. not as snuggly as other pets like cats and dogs, but totally entertaining and pretty good personalities.
Get two! Very important to be humane to social species.
Yes, of course!
Just out of curiosity… Not due to any past experiences with social species… Guinea pigs don’t cannibalize each other or anything, right?
I recall a few newborn litters that’d mysteriously shrink overnight when I was little, but the adults never took to noshing on each other like mice and hamsters do.
to be honest, my only experience with guinea pigs is that they hide in their pigloos all the time, and don’t particularly care for people, except if you are holding food. I had a lot of bunnies growing up, they at least would hop over to see you when you went down to see them (although I am sure it was because they associated you with food)
Guinea Piiiigs! They’re great and very vegan – I have never heard of guinea pig cannibalism. Getting two is a good idea, but just make sure they get along well first. Check for guinea pig rescues in your area. People who rescue guinea pigs are a little nuts, but I got a great pig from a rescue, and it’s more humane than PetSmart’s breeding program, apparently. (Not one to talk, though, my other pig came from PetSmart.)
They do have different personalities, but most will be happy to be petted and cuddled as long as they’re handled lovingly as juveniles. If you leave them alone in their cage all day, they’ll be boring. If you play with them and let them have a safe place to run around, they’re totally fun and entertaining. My rescue pig (now deceased, sadly) used to trot around the apartment, trying to sneak under the bed. She’d have made it too, except she was incapable of walking without announcing her location with tiny chirps.
I don’t know much about guinea pigs, but rats and hamsters can be very affectionate and sociable. You can’t let them run around your apartment unsupervised, but they do have personalities and, with enough interaction, will enjoy being companionable with you. My last hammie would run to the bars of his cage when I got home from work and snuffle at me until I took him out and held him for a while. <3
I dated a science geek who had a pet white mouse. It went everywhere with him in his shirt pocket, poking out his head at odd moments. Folks at his lab were used to it, but he had to keep his jacket on at restaurants.
If allowed, a friend’s pet rat would stand with his hind paws on the ends of a lady’s underwire bra, prop his front paws in the collar of your (low-cut) top, and happily ride around for hours. ADORABLE.
The only bad thing about rodent pets is their painfully short life span.
THE ONLY BAD THING ABOUT PET RODENTS IS ALL THE MURDER
*cough cough*
Did you successfully rehome the Murder Mouse?
Huh! I have had hamsters many times over my life, and while they all had distinct personalities, none of them seemed to want to interact with me very much.
Is it bad that the only reason I won’t get a pet rat is social stigma? =/ I’m also moving across the country at some point in the next year, and while I’m pretty sure I can make a case for keeping a guinea pig/hamster/gerbil with me in a shared apartment, I’m worried potential future roommates would freak out over having a rat in the house.
Roommate sensibilities are always something to be aware of!
A pet rat is also a good way to screen potential roommates. If you want to get rid of the overly fastidious, the ridiculously reactionary, or the harshly judgmental.
Rats are about on par with guinea pigs in terms of level of hygiene, how often you have to clean the cage, etc (having had both as a kid). In my experience, rats are FAR more intelligent and friendly than guinea pigs. So I’d say buck the stereotypes, ratties all the way 🙂
Smelly, but adorable. They do sometimes have short lifespans though, I think it has to do with their tiny hearts maybe? Ours died after just a couple of years, of some kind of guinea pig heart disease.
I am reading Skallagrigg and am into it! It’s sort of marketed I think as fantasy, because of the dragony name, but it’s not really I think. The book mainly follows Esther, a British girl with cerebral palsy but it really encompasses the history of people with disabilities in the UK, from their terrible treatment in workhouses and asylums up to technological developments to help girls like Esther communicate with computers and so on. Esther goes on to make a video game called Skallagrigg, which is a mythical (or real? they find comfort in the stories but some wish he was real) being discussed in the disabled community – it is said that if you ask for help then Skallagrigg will help.
Lemon tarts are the best tart. This is because lemon is the best flavour. Me and my brother have a saying: “it’s not lemony enough”, when we are eating a lemon dessert. When making lemon cakes etc I always triple the amount of lemons in the recipe so it tries to achieve the right sort of lemoniness. Weirdly, the most lemony thing I’ve had is a lemon tart where you just get one whole lemon, cut it up in order to look for the seeds and remove them, and then blend the whole lemon, skin, rind, white bits, everything up with sugar and eggs (and whatever else goes into the lemon curd part of the tart, I don’t remember) and then bake it. Just one lemon! But because it all goes in, it tastes ULTRA LEMON!
I like you and your brother. “Not lemony enough!”
I bet you would really love Shaker lemon pie.
That is exactly what I was going to say. It embodies all the lemony goodness you could want.
Also, I think of Shaker lemon pie as my dad’s official pie- he’s the only one in the family that ever makes it. We all make pumpkin pie, since that is of course the best pie, but Shaker lemon is dad pie.
I like you because you were going to give me lemon suggestions. I like your dad too, because pumpkin pie is the worst pie, so he is your family’s saviour.
I have never heard of this. *googles* Yes! This looks amazing! I will make it. Thank you for improving my life. The only thing is that what the hell are Meyer lemons. I see them in US recipe blogs all the time and obviously they are a type of lemon. We don’t have them in the UK! I’ve never seen lemon types here. Just lemons. It will have to do?!
Meyer lemons are WONDERFUL – sweeter than regular lemons, and somehow kind of floral? And they have a thinner skin, but they’re hard to find in many parts of the US too, and generally pretty expensive. The recipe I have calls for regular lemons, so that should be just fine. Though I do hope you get to have a Meyer lemon someday! They’re a real treat.
I will add eating a Meyer lemon to my life list. I just googled ‘Meyer lemon UK’ and found this, which is a press release by Tescos saying they will start selling Meyer lemons, and then people in the comments complaining that they have been to all the Tescos and can’t find any. http://www.thegrocer.co.uk/fmcg/fresh/sweet-meyer… I could try to grow a tree!
My brother and his wife have a little tree growing in Boston, so I’m sure you could do it in the UK! You just need to bring em inside for the winter.
Also w/r/t lemons: have you ever made preserved lemons? It’s a great thing to do when lemons are in season, and you can buy a bunch of them for cheap, and then put up a couple of jars that will last you for months and months. The juices get all salty-syrupy and the rind is translucent, and it adds like a lemon+ component to whatever dish you add it to.
(As a kid I used to eat lemon wedges so I have a long-standing interest in all the lemons. ALL of them.)
Hi fellow lemon-wedge-eater, hi. Yes, I buy preserved lemons quite a lot and they are so very good in salads or whatever, everything. I have never tried making them myself though! Lemons are 6 for £1 from the Turkish Food Centre near my house all the time so maybe I’ll give it a go. Or…just buy the preserved lemons from there! Ha. It’s the cheapest shop. I will definitely try to grow a tree though, as next year’s project is ‘my garden’.
Preserved lemon! So great, so easy. I have done this method and also just slicing them and packing them in salt in a jar. Both are great and have lasted 1.75 years in the fridge at this point.
I’m reading About Writing by Samuel Delany. His life has evidently always been very different from my own. There is a lot about, “Look, if you just read Genesis in the original Aramaic, as I have done for fun this weekend in the Brueger’s Bagels.” and “Listen, sender of an unsolicited manuscript: you’re not even writing science fiction, pornography, or literary criticism, my own genres. How could I even pass this on to an appropriate editor? Furthermore, the enclosed photo reveals a nice apartment. Mine is a dingy nest of spiders, because I consciously decided to neglect everything in my life except writing when I was 19, and I’ve really stuck to that. Here are some anecdotes about neglecting my family.”
Really, I’m just sitting around, wishing my uterus would stop faking contractions and get down to the business of actually expelling a baby, which in theory it’s supposed to do this weekend. I left one job forever last week, and the other one didn’t schedule me this week, and I had my last short shift at my volunteer gig for the forseeable future. I broke down a little. I’ve been working six or seven days a week for the last few years, and I thought I was going to really relish free time, but this is not entirely the case.
In good news, training seems to be working somewhat on my bad dog. We’ve got him walking on a (mostly) loose lease for the first time ever, and he made it through his first doggie socialization class, despite being visibly terrified of all things. He’ll be a real dog one day!
Yay for Near Future Baby! And props for dog socialization. You are an excellent dog guardian and will be/are an excellent parent.
Hooray for dog training! We had our first training session with our bad dog last week, and yesterday he had two of his Best Walks Ever and I actually cried because I was so happy. There is a light (or a good dog) at the end of the tunnel!
And hooray for your impending birth and baby!!
Best of luck with baby expulsion! Keep us updated!
I am reading Tipping the Velvet right now and I am very worried for Nan and very angry at Kitty.
OH HONEY.
Update: Nan NOOOOOOO (Got to the part where she lets Diana keep her locked up in her mansion).
I have wanted to read this but also been afraid to. Please let me know how it goes.
I’m enjoying it so far, while also being relieved that I am no longer 23. Apparently turn of the century 23 year olds also made terrible decisions. Being an idiot in love: something we can all relate to.
Inspired by yesterday’s dirtbag thread I started reading Tithe by Holly Black for the first time since I was the same age as Kaye. It’s a lot of fun but mostly it’s cementing my desire to never live the dirtbag lifestyle again (not that I was ever really a dirtbag). I don’t think I could take the messiness and dirtiness anymore. I went to college and became a neatfreak — I just don’t think I can go back.
Roiben’s still really hot, though.
When I finish Tithe, in about two seconds, I’m not sure what I’m going to go for next. I’m waiting on a couple books from the library but in the meantime I’m debating Sorcery and Cecelia against Austen or North and South (completely inspired by an above comment). Any suggestions?
If Tithe is all about the dirtbag lifestyle it explains SO MUCH about my reaction to that book. 🙂
It TOTALLY is. I couldn’t help but notice she never showers in the entire book?? And yet every time she wakes up she’s like “I felt disgusting” and I’m like, you know what often makes you feel better? Being clean!
Open thread first thing! Does this give me a formal excuse to flip tables and leave work early? I just started Ancillary Justice after whipping through the YA (ummm, really more like for 10 year olds) series The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place.
My man person’s birthday was yesterday and we are hoping to do a little beach thing tomorrow but I have done NO planning so cheese and crackers it is. I have been at work for almost three hours already and my eyes are drooping shut. Toast, give me the strength to make it through this day!
OH! And there are MORE SINKHOLES IN SIBERIA http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/… The earth has heard our need and answered.
How was the series? I ran across them a while ago and it sounded like they would be good fun, but I never picked them up.
Ah! Ancillary Justice is amazing! I’ve been foisting it on co-workers in the hopes of having someone to about it! Do follow-up when you’ve finished. 🙂
So much love for Ancillary Justice! Eager to pick up the next one. I haven’t enjoyed a sci fi book so much in quite awhile.
I’m reading The Violinist’s Thumb by Sam Kean right now and enjoying it more than I thought I would! It’s an overview of human DNA and genetics, which I’ve read about a lot before, but he goes into detail and covers things I haven’t heard covered before. So yes, would recommend. (Plus it has an entire chapter about humanzees.) I’m going to try to finish it tonight so I can return it to the library tomorrow and get a bunch more books- I really want to read Catching Fire (read Hunger Games for the first time recently) and get another book by Geraldine Brooks, who I’ve just discovered.
I registered for another class! It’s Biostatistics, which I am both excited and nervous about. Keep your fingers crossed for me this fall.
THIS WEEK. I was hit by a car on Saturday while biking with my boyfriend. Like, the jerk full on smashed into me and didn’t even slow down. My leg is broken, and new cuts and bruises are still appearing all the time. I was in the hospital til Tuesday, and now I’m wearing a boot for the next six weeks, at least. I usually bike everywhere, so this is going to be a HUGE life adjustment for me.
Anyone have any pop culture consumption recovery tips? TV shows, favorite books? I suddenly have so much time on my hands.
Oh, ow! How awful.
NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour has done a segment on this exact thing…ooh! here it is!. I also recommend podcasts, such as Pop Culture Happy Hour.
Podcasts and jigsaw puzzles. If I was suddenly forced to have hours and hours of free time, I would sit in front of the biggest puzzle I could find and listen to All The Podcasts.
Ugh, that’s horrible!! Did he stop after he hit you? Did he get a ticket, at least? Ugh ugh ugh. Sending you good recovery thoughts.
So I’ve been super into Orphan Black. Tatiana Malsany is the most talented actress I’ve ever seen. Her ability to play multiple characters who are so different you don’t even notice that they’re being played by the same person is astonishing. And the show itself is suspenseful and gripping, and (IMO) a fairly important comment on fights over the control of women’s bodies.
Oh nooooo! Is your pain managed well? If not, make lots of noise until it is. Avoid doc’s suspicioun of addicts faking pain for a fix by asking to try other meds one dose at a time. Sending healing thoughts your way.
That is horrible! My sympathies.
Netflix has the entire run of Buffy on streaming, if that’s your kind of thing.
Ugh, I’m so sorry! I was hit by a car last year — I managed to flip over the hood and land without damaging myself too terribly — but it was probably the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me. And the jerkoff didn’t even stop! He just drove away!
I definitely second a Buffybinge. I also recommend Cabin Pressure. It’s a radio show by John Finnemore, about a teeny tiny airline. Benedict Cumberbatch does the voice of my fictional boyfriend, *Captain* Martin Crieff. It’s hilarious, and the main cast of characters is amazing. [One of my friends can’t listen to it, though, because she finds that she cringes with second-hand embarrassment, sometimes, so if characters-occasionally-making–absolute-berks-of-themselves isn’t your thing, maybe this won’t be the best in the way of recovery pop culture.]
I hope you feel better soon! 🙁 🙁
Cabin Pressure sounds like it’s amazing! Is it free to stream anywhere?
Grooveshark should have it!
If you can get a hold of the 4 seasons of A Bit of Fry & Laurie, you might have some distracting giggles?
Hell yes. If you don’t mind watching sketches one by one, youtube probably has them all.
Oh my god, I’m so sorry. That is HORRIBLE. I hope that guy falls into an open sewer.
Uhh, pop culture! I really love The Bugle podcasts (http://thebuglepodcast.com/); they’re on summer break right now, but there’s almost ten years of archives to wander through. God, they’re funny. And are you crafty, or do you want to be? If you’re up to it, now might be a good time to try out a new hobby that requires a lot of sitting still (needlework, collage, origami, playing an instrument, etc). I did a lot of knitting and crochet while I was recovering from appendicitis, which both helped the time pass and let me feel like I was /doing something/, even when I could only sit on the couch.
Oh, wow. That is terrible! What a complete and utter twat. I hope someone got his rego 🙁 Grr.
You poor thing. When all is a bit too much and you’re struggling to concentrate on anything, colouring books can help?
Ugh, that’s horrible! I’m glad you weren’t more seriously injured.
The X-Files is available on Netflix, AND Kumail Nanjiani is running a podcast where he talks about two episodes of it every week. They’re almost done with the first season.
That is horrible! Did anyone see the accident? Did you talk to the police?
For TV shows: The Americans, Archer, Brooklyn Nine-nine
For books: Iain M. Banks, very immersive
Podcasts: Welcome to Nightvale
I got hit on my bike a couple of years ago and it sucked. My driver drove off too but a moped driver got the licence and company name for me (it was a van) and I told the police, who were like ‘that was illegal – the driving off part, we mean (the hitting me part wasn’t??) and then did nothing about it at all. Suggestions: UK TV series Utopia, Broad City, Friday Night Lights, Orphan Black. Hope recovery goes well! Eat lots of bananas (I hear potassium is good? I really have no idea).
My mouth dropped open in horror reading this. UGH! People are the worst. I wish you a speedy recovery.
I’ve really been enjoying watching Being Human (the UK version; I’ve never seen the US version so I can’t speak to that) on Netflix. Speaking of, if you don’t already have a Netflix subscription, it’s definitely worth shelling out for the weeks/months you’ll be laid up.
Ugh! What a jerk!
I’m going to jump on the “Buffy”-binge bandwagon, and also recommend some kind of silly/funny British series like Spaced, Jeeves and Wooster, or anything Graham Linehan has had a hand in (Black Books, Father Ted, The IT Crowd).
Black Books! Yess!!!
I love how Buffy + British humor is the go to for recoveries.
White Collar is really charming, and also full of attractive shirtless men! Fringe and Star Trek: TNG are on Netflix in their entirety as well. If you want a delightful fantasy book, try His Majesty’s Dragon by Naomi Novik.
Since we’re talking about reading, I want to recommend my favorite app ever ever ever: Pocket. It is for saving articles to read later. There is a Chrome add-on, so you just click that button while you’re looking at a page that you want to read later, and then it magically shows up on your phone!
Yes! I love pocket! It’s been a huge help for organizing my favorite Toast pieces as well.
Job Search Thread! !
Does anyone have any good references for Resume and Cover Letter writing? At this point I think I have heard all the advice twice and everything seems to contradict itself.
Do you list your references or just put ‘references on request’? Bullet points? One column or two? Do you put your GPAs from school?!
(for reference, I’m in a STEM field, going from grad school to industry)
GPA only useful when no job history to list. After first two jobs, remove it. However, do note magna cum laude next to your degree forever, if truthful.
How about cum laude? or only summa and magna?
Yes, yes, all of them.
Ask A Manager! Always Ask A Manager. She’s great.
Don’t list references, don’t write “references on request.” They know you have references, they’ll ask for them when they want them.
If you are fresh out of school, GPAs are fine to list if they are very good (3.7 and up I think is the AAM guideline? Seems reasonable), best left out if they are not.
The best thing I did for my resume and cover letter writing was brainstorm lists of accomplishments for each job I’d had (not just things I’d done, but accomplishments- AAM goes into this tons) Then I could just slot relevant accomplishments into the relevant slots for each position I was applying to and become a resume/ cover letter writing machine.
I do something similar–I have a master resume with all my achievements and work history, EVER. It makes it so simple to go in and pull only the relevant stuff for each position. (This is not to advocate a functional resume, as AAM frowns on those and they are insanely difficult to parse–but I put down my education, then “Relevant Work Experience” in chronological order, and “Other Experience” at the bottom, also in chronological order.) But customizing resumes and cover letters makes an insane difference. People can tell when you blindly submit the same resume and CL to each job.
I sure did just read a cover letter with the wrong organization name at the bottom, and the right one at the top. This was especially bad because it highlighted the fact that the letter had no specific relevance to my job posting, and it needed to, because the work background wasn’t that relevant, either.
Overall advice to job-seekers: Really spell out in your cover letter how your background matches up with what we’re looking for.
I like to use phrases from their job posting, word for word.
Yeah, that’s a good call.
Ahh that’s my number one fear! Well, that and typos. I have a bunch of cover letter versions saved and each has a different company name.
I know that fear! I open a fresh Word doc for each cover letter. Then I copy/paste from old letters. That way the old company name never gets included.
Cover letters: the Sekrit Advice that has worked outrageously well for me is to read through the job posting, pick out the three most important qualifications/skills they’re looking for that you know you can totally rock, and use each one of those as the basis for a paragraph of your cover letter. Make it super explicit: mine all start out with “You are looking for [x]” and then I go on to explain how I am amazing at [x]. My interview rate went up like 500% when I started writing cover letters this way.
(I find it very useful to remember that whoever is reading all this crap does not want to be doing this, and they want their job to be as easy as possible. Make it easy for them.)
What an appropriate open topic, for I am currently getting ready to head out to a JOB INTERVIEW at a library where one of the tasks they requested of me was to give a book talk. So now you get to hear my rehearsal.
*ahem* Jo Walton’s My Real Children is the story of Patricia Cowan. At the beginning of the book she’s in a nursing home, “very confused,” according to her chart, and she feels very confused. Sometimes she remembers being a young woman just out of college in the late fifties, and her boyfriend called her up and said, “If we’re going to get married, it’s got to be now or never,” and she said now, and she married him and had five children and a divorce. And sometimes she remembers that call and she said never, and she went to Florence and became a travel writer and met Bee and they had three children and she became a widow. Lots of other things are different, too, from the presidents to the Cold War – short and icy in one lifetime, long and hot in another. It’s science fiction disguised as women’s fiction: two alternate twentieth centuries, neither of which are exactly like our own, and the two women who lived through them. It’s also a story about choices, how the small decisions we make can have big impacts, both on our lives and others. It bears some resemblance to Atkinson’s Life After Life, but anyone who’s interested in women’s lives in the second half of the twentieth century would enjoy this, and I think it would make an excellent book discussion book.
(If anyone out there has a spare goat (or male) to sacrifice today, give me a good word when you do it. I need to get out of my current job LIKE WHOA.)
(p.s. re: the book: Bee is a lady and they have three children in the early sixties with the help of a very nice photographer of their acquaintance who helps them out when they’re like “time for more babies” and they flirt with him and he gets super awkward and they have the most wonderful unconventional family in the entire world. But I’m interviewing in central Illinois and I don’t think “this book is SUPER GAY’ is necessarily the best way for a general book talk to go.)
I’ve heard so many good things about that book. It’s on my to-read list, and you may have just bumped it up a bit higher. Good luck at you interview
Thank you! I think it went well. Now I have two weeks of waiting. *sigh*
Oooh, thanks for this. I’ve read the first two books of Walton’s Farthing series (saving the third for when I’m in the right mood, but will definitely get to it), and I’ve been wondering what my next book by her should be.
That is so completely the right way to read the Farthing series, to the point where I frequently just…don’t re-read the last book. It’s good. But – well, not good for all the characters. (This should not be a spoiler, really, considering.)
!!!
I had forgotten Walton’s new book came out! Oh my I need to get that although I am somewhat worried it is going to be one of those books that I sob straight through.
I saw her read from it at last year’s WisCon and at least two people excused themselves from that part of the reading because they didn’t want to cry. But – well, there’s a lot of sadness, but a lot of happiness, too? At least some of it was good tears, for me.
Good luck at the interview, you’re book talk definitely piqued my interest! This book is now on the never-ending ‘Books to Read’ list.
Thank you! And I totally feel you on the never-ending list. But. Wouldn’t it be a tragedy if we ran out of things to read?
I hope the interview went spectacularly and, for what it’s worth, this description moved My Real Children straight to the top of my to-read list.
Thank you! I’m not sure it went spectacularly, but it went as well as it could have gone, and now at least I know when I’ll have an answer. And I hope you enjoy the book!
And for books …. still beginning “Blackout” by Connie WIllis and most of the first Foundation book. Though I also have “The Day of the Jackal” staring me in the face ….
I’m reading Ice Shear, by MP Cooley, and you should, too. Not just because I know the author.
I listen to absurd numbers of audiobooks because of my job, and I have lately gotten into two individual steampunk/romance/fantasy series: The Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences which is fun and features plenty of action with tiny tinges of romance that didn’t become a thing until the end of the second book (which is refreshing!), and the Iron Seas series which has fantastic world building, realistic and subtle queer and POC characters (including the main characters in…every book?) and zombies. Also great sex scenes, which can make life a lil’ awkward at work.
Woo! These books sound amazing. What are you using for Audiobooks? I also do a lot of listening at my job, and I’ve been using Audible. Everything I’ve bought from them has been great but their selection is not awesome. Perhaps it is that way for audiobooks in general though?
I am a monster and use the Audiobook Bay. But I also work at a bookstore, and audiobooks are expensive and fair is fair.
I love The Iron Seas! Are you reading the serial?
I would like to play DIRTBAG since I missed it yesterday! I was 100% Nicole, but my bro made up the difference.
SoCal Dirtbag Siblings: Super Cool Older Bro + clique of COOL friends / their gfs allowed me to go with them fishing at the tide pools and I was ECSTATIC they said yes. Dirtbags did not calculate what time the tide would be coming in that day. Or notice that they had. Long story short, we find ourselves at the base of a cliff as the tide rapidly encroaches our sliver of sand in increasingly large waves.
Dirtbag Course of Action: ROCK CLIMB up this mountain, w/o harnesses + 6 yr old + gfs in platform sandals… or drown in the ocean at night in a secluded corner of the peninsula. Each dude grabs a bucket of fish (THEY DIDNT EVEN CONSIDER LEAVING THE CATCH) + girl, and pull us conveyor-belt-style up the vertical incline. I was the test run since I was maybe 60 pounds?
I made it to safety not sure if this was AWESOME or if I was terrified and should tattle immediately. Senseing my quandry, big bro triumpantly walks over, kneels down and says “You’re safe!” Pat on the back. “And Dont tell Dad.”
Wow. Excellent story. And I am terrified because it’s true.
That is an excellent dirtbag big brother story. I missed the thread and I’m really sad. I was solidly in the teen dirt bag category complete with bad multicolor hair dye that ruined my mom’s bathroom forever, sneaking out to drink forties in parks at night, skipping class to babysit my friends while they took hallucinogens, and so much more. There was also lots of setting stuff on fire and mischief. I definitely enjoyed bringing non-dirtbag friends along on adventures.Everyone else’s dirtbag stories reminded me of how ridiculous it all was, especially with 10 years of perspective.
I’m miserably slogging through a ton of Livy (not even the good parts, but the weird-ass 2nd century parts). I mean, the speeches are good, and the over-the-top Hellenistic palace intrigue is good. And the complex mechanism of tilting platforms for sliding elephants down a mountain was good.
So does anyone know of any novels set in the 3rd or 2nd century BCE Hellenistic world? I mean, I’ve read and loved Mary Renault’s Mask of Apollo and Annabel Lyon’s novels about Aristotle and his daughter, but surely there are solid exciting novels about the weird world of post-Alexander dynasties poisoning and intriguing and engaged in complicated cultural-appropriation/cultural identity/colonial/imperial dynamics and having to uneasily fend off those slightly weird but increasingly powerful Romans who keep interfering with them.
Steven Pressman or Pressfield is a former military historian who writes tolerable historical novels like “The Hot Gates” and “The Last Amazon.” Michael Curtis Ford (I’m not sure if I have his name right) wrote a great book, “The 10,000,” about Xenophon
My problem is exactly that! I feel like 80% of all historical fiction set in the classical world is either super military Great Manly Men From Great Civilizations In Skirts or super romance Rugged Barbarian Gladiators And The Princesses Who Love Them. And the other 20 percent are mostly mystery series (which are okay) or mythological retellings.
I do not know any such novels but boy do I want to read them.
maybe something by rutherfurd?
i’m reading lady chatterley’s lover, but i’m not at the naughty bits yet. i like it so far, though!
such an early open thread!
i’m reading a shirley jackson book of short stories. it’s great.
Read about this amazing wolf, the undisputed queen of Yellowstone .
um, this IS amazing! AND she had sex idiot brothers!
Awesome and sad. Thank you.
that country without wolves isn’t really good country. It’s incomplete. It doesn’t have its full spirit.
YESSSS. I would watch the hell out of this movie.
I think maybe this is only bothering me because I’m a lonely person (according to article linked to earlier this week). But would you be annoyed in these circumstances:
I used to go to a small cross-fit style (but better!) class that was mainly attended by women. The gym closed 2 years ago, but occasionally we get together. Not all of us know each other well, because we attended classes at different times and didn’t always interact.
Last week, one of the women I know better than some of the others emailed me and another of our friends to see if the two of us wanted to get together with her for happy hour. We agreed to go out this week, but left the day open until our schedules firmed up (I often work late, the other two have various things going on, too). On Monday, the other friend (not the original organizer) proposed we get together on Wednesday. I don’t have personal email at work, so I didn’t see the message for maybe 2 hours. Meanwhile, she emails the entire group of women to invite them to a happy hour on Wednesday . . . which turns out to be the only day this week I had to work late.
So I’m irritated (1) that she unilaterally scheduled it based on her schedule, without waiting for me to weigh in, and by inviting all those other people she made it impossible to change the date, and (2) she (again, unilaterally) invited all of these other people, turning it into a party. She’s not even the one who suggested we get together! I’m an introvert, I’m not crazy about parties and much prefer hanging out with 1-2 people at a time. I ended up getting out of work at 9, getting to “happy hour” by 9:30, and hanging out for about 20 minutes without really getting to catch up with anyone.
Ugh, I am annoyed on your behalf. I am an introvert too and I often find it difficult to navigate plan-making without the whole thing getting away from me.
I can see how that would be annoying, but I’m really extraverted and can imagine myself doing the same thing. I would be like ‘oh man it’s Monday and there is no plan, I need to schedule this thing so that it actually happens, and also we should invite everyone because that’s the inclusive and fun thing to do and SHAZAM it’s happening ok cool’. I am constantly making lots of different plans that not everyone can attend – it’s kind of par for the course in my life, and I don’t think much of it because that’s the way my life works. I don’t see that it would be a big deal, because it wouldn’t be for me, because I operate so much differently.
Could you maybe reach out to your friend to see if she will do a one-on-one happy hour in the next few weeks? And then go from there?
I’m doing it. I’m reading BEAR.
It’s…surprisingly good?
SHOULD I READ IT do you recommend it??
I am intrigued, and we are both burgers.
Yes, read it! It took about 70 pages to even get to the bear sex. It’s more of a novel of a woman experiencing a lull in her life and the ensuing period of rediscovery of both herself and of nature. And of bear sex.
Also YAY BURGERS.
CHICK LIT ALL DAY ERR DAY. I’ve been flying through Catherine McKenzie’s repertoire (I’m now on Forgotten, which is about a woman who goes back to her life after being caught in a natural disaster on vacation and presumed dead), and am about to start The Big Bang Symphony by Lucy Jane Bledsoe, which takes all the usual chick lit tropes (I’m running away from life! I just broke up with my boyfriend!) and puts them in Antarctica, which, awesome.
I’m also listening to the Ramona books on CD. They’re performed by Stockard Channing. I think I’ll go with Little House next, because they actually play Pa’s fiddle tunes and I’m dying to know what the POP actually sounds like in Pop Goes the Weasel.
That is GENIUS. I will request the Ramona books next. I love listening to kids’ books on CD–right now I’m working my way through the radio dramas of the Chronicles of Narnia, which is lovely in a different way from the books. Prior to this I listened to the first three Anne of Green Gables books. Those are awesome ideas!
Good news, everybody! I am adding an angora rabbit to my menagerie. She’s an older french angora, because I don’t understand how english angoras can see through the fluff so they weird me out, and plus french angoras need the least maintenance so I figure she’s a great starter. I am so freaking excited.
Have some pictures! She was shaved for the summer so she’s still kind of funny looking, in an adorable way.
awwww what a sweetheart! and you have a menagerie! CHARMS ABOUND
Ha! It’s just a polite way of saying I have a lot of pets!
WHAT ARE YOUR OTHER PETS. LET ME LIVE THROUGH YOU.
Sorry to say they’re all boring. I’ve got a dog and four cats. I used to have two rats, too, but they died of being old. I’ve been missing them a lot, and have wanted an angora rabbit since I learned to spin, so I decided to fill the hole in my heart with one.
Not literally. That would be gross.
I would give anything to have even one of those! My tiny apartment allows animals of no kind, so I am dreaming of better days.
Awww what a cute bun! 🙂
Holy crap that is the fanciest looking rabbit. So pretty and cute!
I LOVE HER.
I am almost finished reading ‘The Inconvenient Indian’ by Thomas King, and I HIGHLY recommend it if you haven’t read it yet. Cheeky, sad, funny, and so, so smart.
After that I should really attempt to read ‘From Eternity to Here’ by Sean Carroll, so that I can get my physics-smart young man to explain the bits I don’t get.
I still have to read ‘Hild’ which a friend kindly bought for me, and I really need to get through both parts of Henry IV so I can watch The Hollow Crown.
Hild is amazing – just prep yourself for a lot of similarly named characters!
Ha ha my snooty teenage years reading Russian novels will serve me well then, perhaps. 😉
I love Thomas King, his Green Grass Running Water is one of my favorite books ever.
I am reading Neptune’s Brood by Charles Stross. It is good, but not as good as Ancillary Justice, so that made filling out the novels section of the Hugo ballot pretty easy.
Last night I saw Guardians of the Galaxy with friends. I recommend it. It basically could have been titled Dirtbags in Space.
I’m seeing GotG as soon as I get out of work today. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Wow! Early open thread!
Comic-Con was amazing and fantastic and I’m not sure I need to do it again, ever.
Mmmm. Lemon tarts. They really are better than fruit tarts. Y’all, I used to make THE BEST lemon bars in the world. If you are a fan of lemon bars, try making the crust with graham flour sometime. UH-MAY-ZING.
Welcome back. We missed you.
Aw, thanks bb!
I feel weird commenting to myself, but I forgot to mention! I read Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children on the plane ride home from San Diego and I thought it was fantastic. Lovely magical realism and just the right level of creepiness. Completely enjoyed it, even if it does have a young, white, male protagonist.
Can anyone give me any IUD advice? I got mine placed last Tuesday, and aside from crampy exhaustion and grumpiness, it seemed to be doing okay so far. BUT NOW I CAN’T FIND THE STRINGS, which doesn’t necessaaaaarily mean it’s not there anymore, but *whatifit’snotthereanymore.* What if I’m having a case of uterus-dentata, and my body has EATEN the IUD?! What if it fell out, and the stupid automatic toilets at my job flushed it away before I could see it, and now all the fish and frogs and alligators in the sewage system are happily baby-free, and I am prone to fertilization!?
Or, most likely, the strings got all tucked up and are hiding and I should just call my doctor and have her check but UGHHH. I am so tired of the doctor and also of having my feet in stirrups and the process of having it placed was moderately horrifying and 🙁 Also, I’m somewhat scared to try to take off from work to go to her office (it’s only a few blocks away) because my job is occasionally kind of shitty about that, and I had to leave work early the day after I got it placed because I was in pain. I don’t wanna ask them again 😐 But now I’m sort of more crampy, possibly due to anxiety.
Ugh. The birth control microchip needs to get here already.
No advice, but lots of hugs and support. Everything is probably okay – but yeah, you’ll probably have to go to a doctor to have it checked out.
This sort of happened to me. After insertion, they did an ultrasound at 1 month to make sure it was still in place (this is SOP for the practice). Everything was ok, strings were in place, etc. Then, after about 2 more months, the strings nopetopused back into the uterus, where they have been hanging out for almost a year. I called the practice after I couldn’t find them, we did another ultrasound where they confirmed that the IUD was still in place, and now I just keep an eye out for my period/spotting every few months.
If I were you I would wait another week or so to see if they unroll/come back down. I do remember that as the cervix moves up and down depending on your cycle, the strings were easy to feel, then harder to find. So give yourself more time, but def. call your doctor if you can’t feel them so you guys can discuss a plan of action. Good luck!
Ahhh, thank you! I have an appt in early September for an ultrasound to check on everything. I have off on Tuesdays so maybe I’ll wait until then, and if I still can’t find the little jerks, I’ll ask her to check. I was doing some intense googling about this, and apparently she can go in there with a “tool that looks like a mascara brush” to try to coax the strings back down but…ugh. I do not want a mascara brush up my hoo-ha.
Dude Friend said he couldn’t feel them yesterday, but my doc also said that if he COULD feel them, she’d have to cut them shorter?? It’s just incredibly nervewracking. My doctor *didn’t* tell me that the uterus moves up and down, though, nor did she tell me that I might occasionally not be able to feel the strings. And all the frantic googling I did made it seem like you should be able to find them at all times.
I wish I had a little handheld ultrasound machine, ha. Like, a wristwatch ultrasound! Rub your pelvis, get a tiny, reassuring picture of your IUD still happily in place.
This definitely makes me feel a bit better though, so thank you!
It probably is fine, but I totally identify with the anxiety! I hope you can either feel the strings again or the doctor can find it for you if you need to go back.
I think we should be able to control our fertility with our minds. I have now decided I don’t want any more children, so that should be the end of it, as far as I’m concerned. It is rather annoying to think that I may still have another 5-10 years where I’m potentially fertile when I really don’t want to be.
I definitely agree re: fertility mind control. Sometimes I fantasize about having a little light switch on my hip that I can flick on and off at will to control whether or not I am fecund.
I have had an IUD for *counts on fingers* 6 years, and I have never felt the strings. Like I mean I tried to get my fingers all up in there once, decided I am not a god damned contortionist, and gave up. No problems yet!
I am the Doubting Thomas of IUD bearers. It is PROBABLY there, but unless I can put my fingers on it, I will not believe.
I am getting pretty damn friendly with my cervix, though.
One of the websites, on the cervix: It should feel firm and somewhat rubbery… like the tip of your nose.
Me: (cursing in the bathroom) …does that feel like the tip of my nose? DOES THAT FEEL LIKE THE TIP OF MY NOSE?! (tries to feel tip of her nose with her free hand for comparison, almost falls)
Seconding the “I have never EVER felt the strings.” Frankly, I don’t think I could find my cervix with a map and a flashlight.
I had this amazing nurse once with a speculum that had a light attached to it (maybe? maybe not attached) and a mirror and she was like “VOILA here is your cervix take a peek”, which was dope.
So I CAN find my cervix with a flashlight, a speculum, a mirror, and a trained guide.
Mine looks kind of like a smooth pink version of one of those mini-donuts you get at the fair.
I’ve had mine for 3 years and I can never feel them either. I felt them once right after it had been inserted, and otherwise never. My doc said it’s not a big deal and I would definitely notice if it ever fell out. 🙂 Don’t fret!
My gyn actually told me not to bother checking for the string – he said that they get wrapped around the cervix, or fall off, or sneak up into the uterus anyway, and then people freak out when they can’t find it.
I had a pap smear about a year after insertion and I asked the doc to check. She couldn’t see the string (not for lack of trying!) and I ended up getting an ultrasound and my IUD was in fact snugly tucked up in my uterus. Then at my next pap smear a couple of years later the doc was able to see the string.
In conclusion: I don’t worry about it.
Toast posties! Have you sent your postcards? Received ones? Any awesome prints or images?
There was a card waiting for me when I returned from vacation and it was so amazing it made me step up my game on what I was going to write on my own postcards-to-send. Which means, of course, that they’re taking longer to write than I anticipated, but they’ll go out this weekend.
Oh no, I missed a postcard swap (I can’t always make it to the open thread). I hope you do it again, I would love to participate.
I am! In retrospect, I should have left the signups up for longer, but I got a little overexcited and wanted to match people right away. In a couple weeks I’ll post a new sign up and keep posting it for a few Open Threads so more people can sign up.
I just got back from a roadtrip so I have tons of post cards lying around. Would definitely be into a post card swap!
Oh good! I’ll keep my eyes out for that.
Not yet! This week was bananapants. Soon, though! <3
Same here. Haven’t had a chance to go to the Post Office. But once I do — WATCH OUT, THREE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.
Same! I want to make my own postcards but that involves actually going into the craft room and using scissors without an almost-2-yr-old scaling my body shouting MOMMY
Same! I still need to pick up 3 postcards, but I HAVE acquired some darling Harry Potter stamps.
dropped mine in the mail yesterday! i am SO excited.
Not yet! But I did buy a postcard and find my stamps, so now I mostly just have to figure out what to write.
I addressed mine but discovered I’m out of stamps; the post office is on my to-do list for Monday!
I posted mine, though I said I was fine with not receiving one so I don’t know whether to expect one. Sadly, it was a pretty boring postcard (I don’t have a good stash of them) and the most interesting thing about it was the number of stamps I used.
Hmmmm, as long as you DID NOT say that you could only send (only 3 people did), you should get one! Respond to your match email and I’ll look you up and let you know 😉
I’m sorry, I haven’t sent mine yet! I’ll try and get a cool postcard this weekend.
No worries! I just liked to hear what people were sending/recieving!
I just got a couple of boxes of postcards TODAY and I’m pretty excited about sending mine out Monday! Thanks for doing this!
I am living it up in Boston right now, knitting and watching much Murder, She Wrote. I’m reading Robin Hobb’s “City of Dragons” right now!
What do you think of City of Dragons / that series? I adore Robin Hobb, and really liked the first two in Rain Wild Chronicles, but things deflated a bit once they got to the city for me. Or maybe it’s that I mostly wanted Thymara to punch both her suitors in the stomach. And just wanted to see Alise and Sedric happy in their respective relationships rather than potential Bad Stuff happening to them.
BC Toastfolk, if you’re still reading down this far, I think what we will do for the time being is connect on Twitter, and then we can figure out something that is perhaps more conducive to discussion threads and so on. Twitter allows you to make a ‘list’ of people, but it doesn’t allow a mass broadcast message to that list, so I don’t know whether it’s practical to use for planning.
Anyway. If you want to start with this, pick me up @ kiranmartin and we’ll go from there.
Are you planning a BC meetup? I’ll be in Vancouver for a few weeks mid-August, I would love to go if I’m in town! How do I connect with you?
Not sure when exactly, depends on the others’ availability! We can see what works though, if you want to grab me on twitter I can keep you posted, or you can hit me up on gmail (tindomiel) if email is better. 🙂
Cool, I’m following you!
followed!
Im not on twitter, but will keep an eye out on the open thread for future announcements.
yay BC toasties!
Just finished The Silkworm, which was delicious if you are a person in the book industry, and now beginning “The Everything Store” which is very eerie for me because I helped start Barnes & Noble.com.
I’m reading a book by my friend Kate Allen called Love.Life.Liturgy. Obviously I would have read it anyway because she’s my friend, but I actually really like it.
I’m reading When Did You See Her Last? It’s the second book in Lemony Snicket’s All the Wrong Questions series, and it’s already driving me crazy that I won’t be able to pick up the third when I’m done (still not released, and there’ll be four books total). Snicket is one of my favorite children’s/YA authors. I wrote an exhaustive paper about the concept of bureaucratic theory in A Series of Unfortunate Events way back in undergrad. VERY IMPORTANT BOOKS, GUYS. VERY IMPORTANT COMMUNICATION THEORIES.
Next up are Marisha Pessl’s Special Topics in Calamity Physics and Joan Didion’s Play It As It Lays.
I am annoyed because When Did You See Her Last is not available as an audiobook on audible, and that’s how I experienced the first book. I suppose I will have to suck it up and just read it, but I hate changing formats mid-series.
That’s a bummer! He’s known for good audiobooks.
I read the A Series of Unfortunate Events books as a child when they were first coming out, and I absolutely loved them! I didn’t know he had other books! I will have to check them out.
He also writes books for adults and young adults under his real name, Daniel Handler. The Basic Eight is a deliciously pulpy YA novel about a teenage murderer.
Yes! I liked the Basic Eight. Even though I knew the protagonist was going to be unreliable, it took me a while to realize…well. You know.
Also, he has two delightful picture books (as Lemony Snicket) about the winter holiday season: The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming and The Lump of Coal that we still read every Christmas, even though the kids are teenagers now.
(My son has been enjoying the All the Wrong Questions series and I keep meaning to read them, as they are lying around here somewhere. I loved A Series of Unfortunate Events.)
I’ve been reading Susan Mallery’s Fools Gold series since she showed up on the Smart Bitches, Trashy Books “Women Geniuses” Rec League comment thread. She might be my new favorite for small town romances- I really like her women characters, and when she lets the men be sexist assholes the women call them sexist assholes to their faces. Plus they have exactly the right amount of easily resolved, silly conflict that helps me turn my brain off before bed. Which is good since the other thing I am reading is the prep book for my next architecture registration exam, aka 11 billion things you should know about concrete.
Ahhh I just started reading her too! It’s because my library’s e-lending collection is heavy on her. Have you read any Kristan Higgins? I went on a rampage and read all of her books in two weeks and now I am OUT and even with the accelerated publishing schedule in the romance genre I have like another six months to wait and I am ANNOYED. I strongly recommend her stuff.
I don’t think I’ve read anything of hers, but it looks like my library has a pretty good collection, so I’ll have to check her out. Thanks for the rec!
Ooh, and Toasties, the Handsome Sidekick released his game yesterday and the guy who did the music for it just released the soundtrack and I am so, so excited for them! Also, I love the internet because a) the Handsome Sidekick can put his game up there for people to play and they are doing so, and giving feedback which is making him so happy and b) he met the musician just through random internet searching and the guy was totally on board and made all the tracks in record time, and they’re awesome.
YAY INTERNET!
In other news, I had a really productive writing day.
So basically, it’s been a day of woohoos for me 🙂
LADY TWITTER RECS, PLEASE!
I have embraced the #unfollowallmen movement on a trial, #muteallmen basis and it is WONDERFUL and GLORIOUS.
But I have a need to follow some more ladies now, as it turns out that most of the people filling up feed with 60-70 tweets a day were, in fact, dudes. (I have made a few allowances for some men of color, like The Rock, because I find him Inspirational.)
So, Twitter recs? Including your own! I’m @mistermuggles and think I followed some Toasties last night on a spree.
What do you like to read? Journalists, scientists, critics? Artists & entertainers?
Well, I also simultaneously culled down a lot of the ~Celebs~ I follow (again, excepting The Rock), that were using Twitter mostly as self-promotion with occasional forays into PR-approved comedy… so I’m mostly looking for smart/funny real-ish ladies that are good in Twitter-sized bites.
For tiny bites (vs. long discussions or links to reading. etc.), here are some of my favorites: @TriciaLockwood, @BananaKarenina, @arealliveghost, @EJBrand, and @lisadraws post a pretty good mix of jokes, photos, and historical curiosities.
Excellent recs!! Thank you!
Toast Twitter!! @embryoconcepts has a list of Toasties and she’ll add you to it for other Toasties to find and follow. I’m @ediehan
Perfect, thank you! I gotchu and I’m already on the list! Whooo.
aah yes join toastie twitter! Based solely on your most recent tweet + keychain, you’ll fit in well. I’m @lizbizfizz!
Got you! I’ve only even followed like, 10 Toasties so far and my feed is already MAGNIFICENT.
I just finished On Beauty by Zadie Smith and am swinging over to the library to pick up NW. I found On Beauty alternately frustrating and weirdly transcendent at times, but I think ultimately Smith’s writing style and characters really resonate with me
also, on a totally unrelated note, I have become strangely obsessed with Shiri Appleby (Liz Parker of Roswell fame) these days and I do not understand it but I love it nonetheless
I just finished NW a couple weeks ago. You may end up having a similar reaction to it as On Beauty (which I mostly loved)? I found the novel kind of uneven, but the good parts of it were really good.
I also felt like I was maybe missing some of the nuances of geography/its socioeconomic implications by not being from the London area, but I think I could still follow those gradations of class reasonably well even without knowing everything. It’s a very personal novel, in that respect.
Took a long weekend last week and had a remarkable amount of time for pleasure reading, including Dept. of Speculation by Jenny Offill, Pity the Animal by Chelsea Hodson, Nobody is Ever Missing by Catherine Lacey, Treasure Island by Sara Levine.
Highlights: Offill’s cynical sense of humor and sad, sad lines from the protagonist’s daughter; Hobson’s descriptions of interacting with old men over the internet when she was young (discovering that she could mimic their language, and that talking about sex was pleasurable for her); an enormous sentence about moments from the end of Lacey’s book; dead parrot jokes from Levine.
Tonight, Colson Whitehead’s latest and a long bus ride. Have you read any of these? What are you reading!?
Personal finance thread! What are some fun things, if any, you guys are saving up for? I want to get a new pair of ski boots for this season (I’ve been using the same boots for 10+ years and need something more aggressive) so I have been saving about $40 a pay cheque. I hoping I have enough fat stacks in my little “consumer spending” account by now to cover them and get a jump on saving for a new bike next spring.
Do you guys tend to save for purchases like this? We have a house rule that nothing is purchased that we don’t have cash on hand for (I wish I could get the new bike now!)
I am excited because I have been saving for months so that I can go clothes shopping during my trip to Vancouver (where I know the stores that will have cute clothes that will fit me). This is new for me: I paid off some credit cards in March that I had rung up largely by buying things I didn’t have cash for, shrugging my shoulders and figuring I’d deal with it later. Never again! During the 2 years I spent paying off the cards I got myself in the habit of saving for things like this and it is still sometimes a pain, but much easier than it used to be.
Oh I used to live in Vancouver! Do you need any recommendations?
I lived there for awhile so I’m returning to some of my favorites. I can’t even remember a lot of the names, I just know where they are (mostly main street and the drive). Devil May Wear is one. There’s another across the street and down a block that I’ll know when I see it. And Jean Queen. Basically I need places that have plus sizes (or at least have generous XL stock), if you know of anything good. There used to be a bunch of thrift stores that I liked, but I seem to have sized out of them when I gained a bit of weight.
Putting most of my paycheque back into my line of credit, these days, which feels SO good (I’m a law student going into 3rd year, the line of credit is a necessity, but it feels really good to start chipping away at it before I even graduate).
Other than that, I made a rule about eating out for the coming year in order to save for a trip to South America next summer. No Bin4 every week just because!
I already did my big purchase for the year (my vacation) so I just have my two big goals: my someday home and emergency fund. I’m happy to say that the emergency fund hit its goal (yay!) so it’s on to the home savings. I’m trying to think of smaller increments that make it more real and immediate, but it’s so far away and massive that it’s kind of difficult.
Can you celebrate every land mark dollar figure? Or period of time you put x dollars away over? My partner and I celebrate every quarter that we meet all of our savings goals with dinner out. We never eat out, in order to meet our goals, so it’s a really nice reward.
That is good advice! I really like the idea of a quarterly goal + celebration, it’s long enough to make a dent in the goal and close enough to feel within reach. Thanks!
I’m trying to save for a three month long SE Asia/Europe backpacking trip next summer! And starting graduate school next fall. Goodbye, weekly dinners out and thrice weekly cocktails with friends!
I am battling the urge to plan another trip somewhere, since I know all the money I am saving now is for my school bills next year. But at the moment my good savings skills make me feel like I deserve a reward!
Plan for a little reward for school? Bad ass new lipstick? Nice organizer?
I didn’t do so before, but I am starting to do it now! Right now I’m focusing on (1) getting down my credit card debt and (2) putting cash in my almost-empty savings account. However, I’ve set aside little chunks of cash in my Mint budget that roll over from month to month, so I’m saving up $25 a month for travel, $20 a month for movies, etc. I’ve tried to build in some incentives for getting my debt down, too. Smaller stuff- anything under $100- goes into my shopping budget for the month, and I have a list of stuff that I know I want that I’m going to stretch out over the next few months (getting a food dehydrator this month- aww yeah, cheap homemade jerky.). I have a list of things over $100 that I want to buy (coffee table, fancy kitchen supplies, HDTV, etc) and I’ve told myself that I can buy one of those things when I get my credit card debt down to certain levels. When I hit $0 balance, I’m going to treat myself to a week’s vacation rental in Maine.
I stumbled across a great way to deal with unwanted texting (e.g., unsolicited dick pics and/or “dtf?” texts from randos). Just use the word suggestions on your phone’s onscreen keyboard to type out almost-but-not-quite sentences. Here’s an example transcribed from my phone:
“Work is a shirtless guy rollerblading the same. The kids are doing. I’m not a big deal if you have to do. I will also have a great trip to a few jobs in a few minutes ago and have the option.”
http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/73825/autocorre…
In addition to being a handy way to deal with creeps, it is also hilarious to text people you DO know with this method. But be sure to fill them in on what this nonsense is, so they don’t worry for too long that you are having a stroke.
I am cracking myself up with these.
The group of people. The silhouette the best way for the update on the absolute best for you to know that I can take the time of the day. I’m not wearing any of the rules. He was a good time. I hope you have to do with the new year, I will have the right thing, and the best.
this is hilarious and genius
Reading:
-Storykiller by Kelly Thompson
-Salem’s Lot (my first Stephen King, from the library; super-draggy. Was this a mistake, Toasties?)
-Re-reading The Last Temptation of Christ
-Sally Ride bio by Lynn Sherr
-and the New Avengers (circa 2004) on Marvel Unlimited (I’m currently obsessed with Jessica Drew)
This week has been craptastic for me and everybody I know. I am cautiously optimistic about next week.
I’ve never gone near “Salem’s Lot” – I get creeped out just from stills from the movie – but I would give “11/22/63” or “On Writing” a try before you walk away from King altogether. King is a kick-ass essayist; I think it’s his best form. Also check out Tabitha King, Stephen’s wife of many years. He gives her mad props in “On Writing” but her work tends to be neglected.
Hope the weekend improves things for you and yours, evieskye.
I am super late to this party but I wanted to kvel about being halfway through “The Dialectic of Sex” by Shulamith Firestone. As I read, I keep yelling “Preach!!” even though I’m alone in the house. The Toast is one of the two places, online or IRL, where I can go on and on about one of the ur-radfem texts. Highly recommended.
I have On Writing! And I read it years ago (so… the whole first King thing is technically a lie… forgot about that book completely!). I should give that a re-read. Salem’s Lot was sold to me a Peyton Place with vampires but it’s borrrring so far.
I am adding your other recs to my TBR list- they sound excellent!!
I didn’t care for Salem’s Lot. However, I really like a lot of Stephen King. I was FREAKED OUT by Pet Sematary, for me that has been his absolute most frightening work. I didn’t care for The Stand, thought The Shining was good but not great (same with Doctor Sleep, the sequel), but I DID love The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon. It’s quite short, terribly evocative, and really excellent.
Also his short stories tend to be either excellent or mediocre. I cannot recommend highly enough Full Dark, No Stars–his most recent short story/novella collection. “A Good Marriage” in that is, in my opinion, his best work. Holy crap, I want someone else to read it to discuss it with!
Give “Carrie” a try, once it gets going it’s a quick read.
I recommend the Stephen King Reread on Tor.com – someone reread all King up to like 1990 or so, posting lengthy thoughts along the way. Some minor spoilers in the posts, but if you don’t mind those, it’s a great way to figure out which books will be interesting to you and which ones might be more meh. Bonus: King is a really, really personal writer, and reading which autobiographical elements he used to build his novels around is fascinating. The Shining got 100x scarier for me when I realized that he was already turning into Jack Torrance when he wrote the book.
I recommend the Stephen King Reread on Tor.com – someone reread all King up to like 1990 or so, posting lengthy thoughts along the way. Some minor spoilers in the posts, but if you don’t mind those, it’s a great way to figure out which books will be interesting to you and which ones might be more meh. Bonus: King is a really, really personal writer, and reading which autobiographical elements he used to build his novels around is fascinating. The Shining got 100x scarier for me when I realized that he was already turning into Jack Torrance when he wrote the book.
(I recently read Pet Sematary, which I enjoyed up until the ending, so pretty par for the course for Stephen King. My all-time favorite is Misery, but The Shining is also pretty damn solid.)
OPEN THREAD THANK GOD. I started my morning with my boss telling my (severely understaffed and overstressed) team that we need to demonstrate more enthusiasm for our jobs because we’re “all replaceable.” HAPPY FRIDAY!!
Also last night my FWB told me he has a new girlfriend, so the benefits are no more. Sad face. I am worried I will have to resort to Tinder to find fresh meat.
I am currently reading White Teeth by Zadie Smith, and I like it quite a lot! Highly recommend.
Your manager is replaceable too. Start looking for another job. You deserve better.
we need to demonstrate more enthusiasm for our jobs because we’re “all replaceable.”
Ahhh, thank you! I have an appt in early September for an ultrasound to check on everything. I have off on Tuesdays so maybe I'll wait until then, and if I still can't find the little jerks, I'll ask her to check. I was doing some intense googling about this, and apparently she can go in there with a "tool that looks like a mascara brush" to try to coax the strings back down but…ugh. I do not want a mascara brush up my hoo-ha.
Dude Friend said he couldn't feel them yesterday, but my doc also said that if he COULD feel them, she'd have to cut them shorter?? It's just incredibly nervewracking. I wish I had a little handheld ultrasound machine, ha. Like, a wristwatch ultrasound! Rub your pelvis, get a tiny, reassuring picture of your IUD still happily in place.
This definitely makes me feel a bit better though, so thank you!
Toasties! Is anyone willing to offer some etiquette/career advice?
There is a woman who works on my manager’s level but in a different department, so I don’t report to her. Let’s call her Abby. Abby collaborates directly with my manager (Betty) on a lot of projects, and sometimes I will manage tiny aspects of these projects for Betty, even though Betty will still own the project as a whole.
Betty is VERY busy and can sometimes be hard to get in touch with, which is a source of frustration for many people who work with Betty. Abby, unfortunately, takes that frustration out on me. She will call and yell at me, or show up to my office and yell at me, about how unacceptable it is that Betty isn’t reachable, she needs X and Y from Betty and hasn’t received it, etc. etc.
I have some social anxiety, and, you know, my own work to deal with, so these phone calls/”visits” are an emotional drain as well as a time suck that I can’t afford.
I’ve talked to my manager, who has spoken with Abby several times about how a) it’s not acceptable to call/visit and yell at me; b) it’s not an effective way to get the information needed; and c) the behavior needs to stop. No success so far. It may escalate to someone above Abby and Betty, but that could take a while.
What I’m looking for is a script/strategy for dealing with Abby in these moments. Is it rude to cut her off on the phone when she starts to yell and say, “Abby, I don’t have X or Y. I’m hanging up now.” When she corners me in my office, can I escort her out and say “Abby, I’m expecting a phone call” and then shut my door?
You nailed it. You have the right strategy, down to very good wording. And you went through all the right steps, alerting your manager to workplace harassment. Keep a diary of this woman’s words, the most memorable ones, and note any witnesses. And do yourself this kindness: set a date for going over your manager’s head. You deserve better than this.
Whew, glad to hear! I’m paranoid about being rude/unprofessional because while I don’t report to her, she is technically “above” me in org chart terms. Weirdly enough, I didn’t call this harassment until you said the word, so thanks for that. I feel better about my strategy now that I can call it a response to harassment rather than just a response to something inconvenient.
“hostile work environment” is a phrase that makes people listen, too. It has legal implications in the US.
Good point! I have a feeling that if I stand up for myself she’ll stop – I’ve seen other people effective deal with her this way, so that’s why I was trying to figure out my own way. But if it comes to it, “hostile work environment” is a phrase I’ll keep up my sleeve.
100% second what RoseCamelia said.
Yes, those are entirely acceptable responses to her behavior. Also, I am SO GLAD you have the support of your manager on this. I would say if there are three more occurrences of her yelling at you (either on the phone or in your office) you need to request escalation. Good luck.
Good start, I think. I agree with the others who said that if this continues for a while you need to be more direct with your manager and also go above her head. When it comes to your interactions with Abby, always stay calm. Also try paraphrasing her words back to her, so she knows you understand what she wants. Like, “Abby, I understand that you need to get X from Betty. I can’t help you because I don’t have it either. You’ll need to speak with Betty directly.” or whatever. This might not help, but sometimes if you reflect someone’s words back at them they’ll feel validated that you hear what they are really saying and/or realize how silly they sound.
Of course, if she understands all that and is just being an asshole, then you’ll really need to escalate it because she’s an asshole.
Got a giant pile of PK Dick short stories, gettin’ paid to go shoot the Janelle Monae concert this Saturday, gonna be a pretty good weekend.
I love Philip K Dick and especially his short stories. Have a great weekend.
Still reading and loving Paladin of Souls, but also patiently waiting for Robin Hobb’s Fool’s Assassin later this month. Man, my reading got so much better once I cut Dude Fantasy Authors out of the mix. Okay, there are lots of dude writers like Brandon Sanderson and Ian M Banks that I love. But man, it feels good to read only lady authors for a change.
Other than books…WHO ELSE IS GOING TO SEE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY THIS WEEKEND? Because awwwwwww yissssssss. I have not been this excited for a summer blockbuster in a long time.
Oh, I forgot about the new Hobb, thanks! Another dude writer that is worthy – Patrick Rothfuss.
Hah, so I loved The Name of the Wind, but I reacted rather badly to The Wise Man’s Fear, which was far too much Kvothe wandering around and boning chicks and being an Awesome Dude for my tastes. Will still read the third book when it comes out, but I might need to forget that the last half of the second book ever happened.
Yes, I am in just that place. I could not believe Rothfuss actually put that into his book, and that people read it and were like ‘yes, this was quite fine.’ So annoying.
I saw it yesterday! It was really good!
I’m so excited about Fool’s Assassin! I’ve reread the original Farseer trilogy and also the Liveship Traders, and I’m about three-fourths through the Rain Wilds books. Next up will be the Fool books which I love so much.
Have you ever read Lynn Flewelling? I love her books.
I have not, but I’m liking what I’m reading about Luck in the Shadows here on Goodreads (recommended by Robin Hobb!), so she’s going right into the “To-Read” list!
WHO ELSE IS GOING TO SEE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY THIS WEEKEND
Ninety more minutes until showtime. Not that I’m counting down or anything.
I am seeing it in approximately four hours and I’m really excited!
I got no sleep last night so I am so happy to spend the day reading this thread instead of my previous plan of waiting for an email that probably won’t come.
I’m reading Middlemarch and The Silkworm right now. Loving both. Dorothea is great, JK Rowling is great, George Eliot is the actual greatest. I’ve recently put myself back on a ban of male authors (which I am able to do now that I am happily free of grad school canonical syllabi) after reading Mr Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore, a book which enraged me well beyond its obvious gender troubles. I’ve recently gotten into comics and it’s been scary but great.
I’m also SLOOOOOOWLY working my way through the toastie twitter list (and getting back into twitter in general) so if you are followed today (or in the next several months) by @kaitlynfilip, hi.
Books: I am still working my way through An Untamed State in spurts. It’s so engaging I can only read it when I have time to get sucked in, and so disturbing in parts that I need a break from it occasionally, but I am indeed in awe of how good it is.
I’m also reading The Life You Save May Be Your Own (named after a Flannery O’Connor story), which is basically a composite biography of O’Connor, Dorothy Day, Thomas Merton, and Walker Percy. The author wants to examine these four Catholic authors in their time (mid-20th century) and place (the US, where being a Catholic is very different than being one in Europe; also, some of them were from the Southeast, the stronghold of Baptists and Methodists…). He is also interested in how they influenced each other and were sometimes in dialogue, etc.
I am about to go on vacation and I have Wolf Hall lined up, which is exciting too!
I’m reading “Tha Awful Mess on the Via Merulana” by Carlo Emilio Gadda. It is… interesting.
I’m very excited for 2015 to be a thing because it’ll be my women writers only year so yay, looking forward to it.
Aaah, it’s so early! I do not have much time to hang out here today, because I am working a half day and then I think I am taking myself to see Guardians of the Galaxy this afternoon. Ready for the big Chris Pratt crush I’m probably going to have by this evening.
I have been harboring a major Chris Pratt crush since Everwood, so I extra can’t wait for Guardians of the Galaxy.
Update: Yep! Fun movie, crush in place. Proceed to the theater.
Everwood<3<3<3<3<3
I felt bad I wasn’t ALSO watching Chris Pratt in GOTG so I am watching Parks and Rec and it’s making up for it.
I read dakimel’s book, Rocket Man, last weekend and highly recommend it! The main characters are real and likeable and I think really reflected how two actual adults can negotiate the problem areas of a new relationship. Also funny and well-paced and OMG dakimel Thank You for writing sex scenes that involve actual body parts instead of eyeroll-inducing euphemisms! A+, looking forward to the next story 🙂
I do some freelance proof reading, and this week I have been proofing an ebook that unironically advocates for patriarchy. Actually, it uses the words “patricentrism” and “androcentrism,” since, in the author’s view, the sneaky feminists have so maligned the idea of patriarchy that it’s become pejorative.
My consolation is that the book is not especially well written, nor is it written by anyone famous. Its only audience will be people who already agree with it anyway. It will persuade no one.
STILL. My routine has become — proof for an hour, then take a Toast and caffeine break so I could breathe, then once more into the breach.
mostly I am reading academic stuff for Work but I’ll be going on holiday next Wednesday so then I can read other things! Yay! (Not sure what those things will be, though, but I’ll read them. Maybe finally get through Fear and Loathing in La Liga.)
TOASTRONS. I got a new job! I gave notice at my current job! My birthday is in three weeks! My roommate had carpal tunnel surgery and I had to bring her home from the hospital! LIFE IS A WHIRLWIND!
Luckily I have the day off and I am planning nothing more challenging than making lemon squares – which I had already decided on before this post, and have in fact waffled about making for weeks – and clearing out the fridge. And reading “The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf,” third in a series by Martin Millar about Kalix MacRinnalch and her large and dysfunctional clan of werewolves and her London goth friends and also fire elementals and werewolf hunters. Millar has a very particular dry and… explanatory? style but I find it to be a hoot.
Congrats on the job!!
Speaking of dysfunctional clans of werewolves, has anyone read Lunatic Fringe by Allison Moon? Murderous radfems! Lesbian werewolves! A college freshman going through a sapphic sexual awakening! I can’t remember how I found out about it — I may well have found out about it via The Toast, it sounds pretty Toasty — but I read it a few weeks ago and it comes highly recommended from me!
It’s the first in a series, I’m so excited to read the next one!
Cooking Toasties, I have a question. Twice this summer I’ve made BBQ chicken in my slow cooker and both times the chicken has come out with a bitter aftertaste? Why? This hasn’t happened when I made pulled pork.
This second time I left out the vinegar and it cooked on low for 6-7 hours – still slightly bitter. Help!
Does your BBQ chicken have chiles in it? They can be bitter.
This. I’d try cooking the chicken and add the sauce afterward.
Hm, I can try that. Maybe simmer in chicken stock and then add sauce – I really want tenderness/pull apart-ness you get from slow cooking it.
If the lid to your slow-cooker is a proper fit, you don’t need to add liquid at all to the chicken. I never add liquid, and I do a crock-pot chicken at least once a month. It all tears apart just fine!
Really? I will definitely have to try that out!
This is the recipe I’ve used since I found it in 2011. I adjust the seasonings from time to time, and I once did it with no seasonings at all when I was on a (horrible) elimination diet. The bird comes out great every single time.
That link just takes me back to the Open Thread?
Okay, weird. How about I just paste the URL:
http://clevermanka.livejournal.com/727521.html
I just finished Seventeen Syllables by Hisaye Yamamoto, which I picked up at random at a book sale and was such a good choice. I tried to start All the King’s Men but it’s sooo looong and I just want to go back to short stories.
I just joined a bookclub. We each get to make suggestions and I’ve got no idea what to suggest. Any under-the-radar books you love to recommend?
What kind of books do you typically enjoy reading? My jam is typically under-the-radar stuff, but—as with everything—it’s all a matter of taste.
One book (definitely not under-the-radar) that a bunch of friends and I are going to re-read in anticipation of the upcoming Paul Thomas Anderson film adaptation is Inherent Vice, which is a wonderfully absurd, quick, and entertaining read. Would definitely be a fun book club book. Plenty to talk and laugh about.
if you like fantasy, anything by guy gavriel kay is great
thx! going to suggest.
So I’m going on a vacation that will involve the Wearing of Bathing Suits in 2 weeks, and suddenly I am really struggling with body positivity/that insidious “you don’t ~deserve~ to have fun and play in a pool if you’re going to look like that” voice. I’ve put on a middling amount of weight over the past couple years (& since the last time I wore a swimsuit) & I thought I was mostly at peace with it but now the Ghost of Eating Disorders Past is like “YOU CAN TOTALLY LOSE WEIGHT BEFORE YOU LEAVE GO DO THAT!” Any advice on how to cope with this relapse of Snackwells-brain?
I don’t have any particularly positive advice except to treat that voice like some by-stander whose opinion is unimportant. I get that voice periodically, too, and I just kinda… ignore it and edge away, the way I’d treat someone spouting vaguely rude, invasive advice at a cocktail party.
I’m sure there are more positive, assertive ways to shut this voice the hell up, but treating it as an unwelcome outsider helps me in the moment.
I also find that every summer, once I become accustomed to strutting my stuff in a swimsuit, I stop thinking so much about how I look and relax into enjoying how I feel.
I like that a lot of the advice in this thread is basically to imagine the voice as a mansplainy libertarian dude to whom it is easy to say “NOPE.”
I don’t know a lot about eating disorders, sorry, but for me, the most important thing to remember is fuck ’em all. Anyone who judges your body is the problem; your body is not the problem.
As a fellow eating disorder sufferer, I hear you. The thing that finally helped me get over my “goodness haven’t you gained around the middle” feelings was the realization that my beloved doesn’t care that I don’t have an idealized-perfect body. My friends don’t care that I don’t have an idealized-perfect body. My trainer doesn’t care that I don’t have an idealized-perfect body. To be honest, even I don’t care that I don’t have an idealized-perfect body.
Who does care that I don’t have an idealized-perfect body? Douchebags. Douchebags care that I don’t have an idealized-perfect body. And why in the world would I care about what douchebags think of my body?
So GET LOST, SNACKWELLS-BRAIN. I hope you have a fantastic vacation and you rock that swimsuit.
“Who does care that I don’t have an idealized-perfect body? Douchebags. Douchebags care.” Haha brb writing that on everything I own.
This can be so hard!
First, the idea of “what a body should look like” is an oppressive construct that takes you out of your own experience of your body – the water on your skin, etc. When you die, as we all will, we don’t take anything with us, particularly not our bodies, so I work hard on actually enjoying the moments I have, which means enjoying my body as the physical part of my humanness and as the way I interact with the physical world. The more I think about that, the less tempting it is to listen to the douchejerkbrain who is like “YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH”.
Second, remember that the idea of “what a body should look like” is also totally false, even from other’s subjective point of view. I gained some weight early in my relationship, and was a bit self-conscious about it, and eventually my boyfriend was like “ummm…. I prefer you this way. I like bigger women. I would be attracted to you any way you are, but honestly you were a bit thin before given my absolute druthers.” And I was like “HUH”.
Third, make sure you have a bathing suit or two that fits your body as it is now, and is also super dope. I prefer sequins on mine, but YMMV. Wearing something that doesn’t fit right is a sure way to feel like garbage. It’s like wearing a physical reminder all the time that your body is the wrong size. Wearing something that fits right is like “oh yeah, my body is supposed to be this size.”
Have the best time. Play in that pool like your life depended on it – BECAUSE IT DOES.
I just finished The Stranger Beside Me by Ann Rule. Needless to say, I did not enjoy restful sleep these past few days. I’m also reading Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. I’m blogging my way through Feminista’s 100 best novels of the 20th century by women.
That’s an interesting list! I’ve only read six books on it, Mrs Dalloway being one of them. I loved it – I think I read almost the whole thing in one sitting.
Will you share where you are doing the blogging?
I am SO GLAD that you asked about books, because I just finished one that all science fiction-loving Toasties need to read right NOW. It was mentioned in a linked comment on the gendered pronouns post from awhile back
Ancillary Justice – by Ann Leckie
It’s fantastic because the language spoken by the protagonist doesn’t mark gender, so when translating into English in the text, all pronouns are she / her (even when referring to the very few characters previously identified as male). Defy the gender default!
Also it’s a great story — betrayal, friendship, revenge, scheming, worldbuilding, complex identities — all in less than 400 pages and no cliffhanger ending.
My reading is weirdly sorted at the moment. For fun I’m still reading Hild, but I’m slow at it. I have several other “for fun” books that I started before I went back to school and never finished, and I’d like to go back to those at some point. They are Half-Blood Blues, The Prague Cemetery, and The Best Science and Nature Writing 2011, which I got because it was edited by Mary Roach.
I’ve ordered a book by Craig Rice (since I keep recommending her to folks on here) about a woman who is sentenced to death after being falsely convicted of the murder of her lover, and when the real murderer confesses, the woman blackmails the authorities into reporting that her execution went ahead. Once she’s thought to be dead, she sets out to seek revenge. It’s called The Lucky Stiff and I am REALLY excited for it to get here.
I’m trying to decide if I want to keep studying sensation novels, so I’ve been reading those this summer. No-Name by Wilkie Collins is next on the list.
And I’m prepping for a class I’m TAing in the fall, so I have a huge stack of 18th century novels. I started with Roxana. I’m thinking Fantomina next.
I’m reading Katherine Addison’s The Goblin Emperor — I don’t ordinarily read a lot of fantasy novels, but a friend recommended it and I’m really enjoying it. (I was moaning about my stupid impostor syndrome, and the friend in question said “You should read The Goblin Emperor if you feel like that,” and damn if she wasn’t right. I told her she should hang out a shingle as a bibliotherapist.)
Next up is Jill Lepore’s book about Jane Franklin, which I’d been meaning to read for a while, but then I read this interview with her and that sealed it. Hooray for history books about the people whose lives are hidden from history!
Also, there is a tart bakery near where I live, and now that I’ve been stricken by a terrible yearning for tarts, I think I know where I’m going after work today.
*gasp* How have I been forgetting about The Goblin Emperor when people ask for book recommendations? I read that book all in one gulp the day it came out and it made me so happy.
(I love all the rest of her work, too – Katherine Addison is the pen name of Sarah Monette, who is extremely cranky that Publishing Shenanigans have made her publish under a pen name – but none of it is as happy as TGE. Still, it’s probably getting to be time for a Booth re-read. Awkward gay Edwardian archivist of my heartface.)
Awkward gay Edwardian archivist of my heartface.
MINE TOO! I absolutely loved The Bone Key. Oh, Booth, I just want you to be happy, except I don’t because that would mean no more fabulously angsty, creepy stories.
Personal status update that may never be seen:
– Had a “when you ___, I feel ___, because ___” convo with the beau last night, and it went wonderfully.
– If you want to snag a bunch of free epub, Dropbox link to my Calibre library
– Phone interview went swimmingly, main interviewer said I would be hearing from her! Now I just have to figure out 1) do I dye my hair with the purple streaks before or after interview (begin as you mean to go on OR keep it conservative, then get freaky)?, & 2) do I really have the gonads to ask for 150% of my current salary (requested salary would be upper end of industry standard)?
Yay, yay, yay! Happy news all around!
You could split the difference on the purple streaks: one subtle streak for the interview, then go wild after you’ve been there a month.
Does anyone have a friend who’s a self-proclaimed feminist who constantly makes “Women are terrible at driving/math/logic/etc” jokes? I’ve told this girl that her jokes are offensive and not funny (which alone should be enough reason to cut them out!) and she asks me if I think she believes they’re true. I don’t, and when I tell her that she asks why it bothers me. At that point I’m seething and unable to form sentences. And we’ve had this conversation dozens. Of. Times. How do I shut that shit down?
At this point, why bother trying to shut it down? Do you really need this person in your life?
This person
makes jokes that are offensive
does not know why they bother you
makes you seethe
does this to you dozens of times
Are you sure this person is a friend?
We deserve the treatment we tolerate.
Stare blankly at her when she makes one of those jokes. Wait a while for the silence to build, and then abruptly say something entirely off topic. I have tried this before on people who say stupid stuff, and it works! Hopefully it will be effective for you. Good luck! This person sounds terrible!
You can also humorously pick them apart. I have a male coworker who said (when explaining why he doubted something someone said) “If a woman sleeps with nine men, who’s going to believe her when she says the tenth one is her baby’s father?”
I stared at him. I told him that made no sense. I explained that perhaps she was using birth control and would know. Also, there are paternity tests. Etc, etc.
I don’t know how good a strategy is, but it certainly spreads the awkward around.
My boyfriend (who is very progressive and feminist) has done this and followed up with a “of course I’m being ironic about it and I don’t really believe that stuff, you know I just do it to get a rise out of you!” I asked him why he thought anyone makes those “jokes”? That’s the same reason jerks give if you ask them why they say that stuff. I told him that I thought that there wasn’t much of a punchline just regurgitating a common insult. It’s cheap and that he’s smarter and funnier than that. And he totally stopped. Right there.
“there wasn’t much of a punchline just regurgitating a common insult. It’s cheap and that he’s smarter and funnier than that. ”
DAMN
I’m going to have to trot that out whenever someone makes lazy gender or racial or homophobic jokes.
protip: when they brush off “You’re better than that,” you can follow it up with “My mistake. I just thought you were better than that.” I have done that exactly once, to amazing effect (where “amazing effect” = BOY OH BOY DID HE SHUT IT FAST).
WOAH. Into this.
Yeah, I’m not offended dude; I’m bored. I hear that shit every day.
So, I got engaged in April and have done exactly nothing regarding wedding planning. I HATE IT. Everyone has a fucking opinion about it. The thing I am struggling with mostly is this pressure to “keep it simple” and “don’t spend too much money.” But the thing is, I HATE PLANNING. And while I really want to have a cool simple wedding where everyone pitches in, that still takes a fuckton of time and delegation and a vision that you can communicate to people. UGH UGH UGH. I do want the party though, so it looks like I’m just going to have to throw money at it and tell everyone to shut the fuck up.
Ok I feel better. Thanks for listening, Toasties.
Oh man I am not engaged partially because my man and I are just entirely turned off by planning a wedding. I have no desire to deal with it. All my sympathies.
I enjoyed the stealth wedding I was invited to. Did not know it was a wedding. Just an invitation to dinner at their apartment. They had put up pretty lights. At some point someone asked for everyone’s attention and introduced himself as This Evening’s Officiant. Then our hosts reappeared from their quick change in their bedroom in dressier clothes. The Officiant then had them read their vows and a photographer got fabulous shots of all of us wide-eyed and open-mouthed. I would do this myself if I were not already married.
Ha! I would totally consider that except that 90% of our friends are out of state, so the only way to get them to fly out at the same time is a clearly-announced wedding >:(
I got engaged in May and am having the smallest, most simple wedding ever because I knew planning would be awful otherwise. Everyone keeps saying, “How’s the planning going???” and I’m like, “Uh, once I’d booked city hall and a restaurant to have dinner at with our family and closest friends, that was pretty much the end of it, so fine”.
Also, have you been reading A Practical Wedding yet? Their site is just full of ideas and essays about going for simple and non-stressful.
I did read APC and it gave me some courage to tell people to STAAHHHPPP. I think the problem is my priority is a dance party, and to have a good dance party we need lots of friends, and once we have lots of friends, we need a big venue. That, coupled with the fact that I live in one of the most expensive areas on earth, and we have to get married in March, means lots of money for a big indoor venue. Things just snowball from there. I think if I had my druthers I do an evening picnic wedding in summer.
Do you have a local friend who is a whiz at planning/organizing things, who could sort through some of the info/details and then bring you things to choose from? I’d offer myself but I think we’re probably not in the same location. :-/
I have a wonderful friend who I think I will bring with me to the various meetings, whereupon I will close my eyes and just murmur mmmgggmmgmgmgm to whatever she tells the vendors.
YES THROW MONEY AT IT! When we were planning our wedding, I would sometimes just cry and literally throw my checkbook at now-husband and ask him to write a check to make the problem go away. Then I could do the fun things that I loved, like picking out cakes (pro tip = multiple cakes. not cupcakes; CAKES)
We had multiple cakes, not cupcakes, and it was GLORIOUS and none of them were horrid boring white cake with fondant frosting. We had red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting, lemon cheesecake, and chocolate cream cheese cake. And the venue had a whole bunch of OTHER desserts–brownies and cookies and fruits and puddings and stuff. Amazing. A+ would do again.
Also it was MUCH cheaper than ordering a wedding cake. And easier. I ordered over the phone, picked them up and dropped them off at the venue. Done.
YES. Partner and I both hate frosting and the idea of paying someone to make buttercream, the world’s most disgusting substance, makes me ill. No frosting for you, guests!
Oh man, it sucks so hard. But you know what? The best thing you can do EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. And as much as it pains me to say, having everyone pitch in and work together can frequently be the opposite of simple because it requires someone (like yourself) to be the ringleader and make the 10,000 decisions (ok what kind of chairs? where from? what’s their deposit? can we pick them up the day before? who’s going to be on chair committee? this person only for set up but can’t tear down, this person, oh that person dropped out now we’re short a person, the food has to be there but Aunt Martha broke her foot and can’t drive, gotta send someone to her house, etc etc. etc) that need to be made. That is a huge huge time commitment and if you are feeling pressured by anyone to “keep it simple” and “do it all yourself” tell those people to fuck off and do it FOR you.
Honestly: throwing money at the problem HELPS SO MUCH. I cannot begin to tell you what a weight it took off my shoulders. Instead of fretting about my hair and makeup, for example (true story, I am pretty accomplished for everyday makeup, but I tried doing Event Makeup and got eyeliner in my eye and looked like a clown and CRIED until my now-husband banged on the bathroom door to see wtf was going on), I hired a hair and makeup person and they both came and they were LOVELY and incredibly friendly and put me at ease, told funny stories, helped my mom fix her hair when she was stressing out without charging her, etc. etc. So: throwing money at stuff helps.
Also telling everyone to shut the fuck up helps. Also not reading wedding blogs helps. Get the APW book and throw all your bookmarks away.
ahhh thank you. First paragraph sums up what I’m feeling so much. I originally planned to have friends pitch in and then I realized it would turn me into a micromanaging control freak and I would have no friends left at the wedding. Motherfucking chair committee. Gonna throw some money at that.
UGH THE PRESSURE. Once I realized that literally every person had an opinion about some stuff and a few of them would get shirty when we didn’t take their advice, I felt freed from the tyranny of listening to other people’s opinions. If someone’s going to get bent out of shape no matter what you do, there’s no point trying to please other people.
“Keep it simple” is great advice for people who want it simple, but not everyone does. And “keep it simple” means different things to different people: it might mean getting married at the courthouse and having brunch nearby, or having a big picnic wedding in the park, or paying a professional to handle the details of a big party and letting you stay hands-off. In any case, best wishes to you both! I hope the planning doesn’t make this happy period too stressful to enjoy!
Just finished The Golem and the Jinni and I cannot recommend it highly enough. It is a perfectly constructed fantasy/historical novel, with the first third taken up with setting the world while following your characters into their starting positions, the middle bit creating an intricate web of problems, and the last bit just unraveling that web bit by bit until everything is perfect. It’s great. I binge-read the last third because I couldn’t possibly sleep until everything was resolved.
That book is super-awesome and deserves all the recommendations and press it can possibly get.
Guys I just really want to share this picture with all of you right now:
I have that same look on my face when I contemplate baby-making, for the same reason.
Exactly exactly.
(My favorite part of this is the hand bringing in ANOTHER puppy. Does this mama pug look like she needs another puppy right now??)
I am SO GLAD that you wanted to.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.
THANK YOU
YES thank you
Sorry to be a bit spammy – BUT it would really, really help me if you could give this video a watch, and I know you’re all nice people who like to help. I’m supposed to get 10,000 views in 7 days for a class assignment. It’s less than 30 seconds and involves cute dogs. Show it to your mom, she’ll love it. http://youtu.be/FpBuIViEuts
Thank you all!!!
Can confirm: 24 seconds, involves cute dogs!
You guys, a coworker just came by to ask me if my phone was off the hook, and I was like “No, it’s a normal, pretty boring office phone…?” I had totally forgotten that term has a literal meaning and not just a slang one.
Haaa
Seiobo There Below! Which in one part contains a reference to Arcade Fire that totally took me by surprise since I sort of imagined Krasznahorkai as living apart from this world of toil and pop culture.
But here is a question for the people of the toast. It seems as if all the hip cool literary kids are into Clarice Lispector and Mary Ruefle. Are there particular works that someone who hasn’t read anything by either of them should read? Lispector at least seems to be really prolific.
Haven’t actually read the original, but I saw a film version of Lispector’s “Hour of the Star” a few decades ago and never forgot it. I keep meaning to get it from the library but the film itself was pretty rough stuff emotionally so I keep ducking it.
I am reading… Crime and Punishment. It was one of those books that I’ve always thought, hmm, I should read that at some point in life, but its so lonnnnggg and heavy looking. I am pleasantly surprised at how much I am enjoying it and am actually getting through it pretty quickly.
In other news, will be touring vineyards this weekend! Are you not supposed to drink the wine that you taste…. cause I plan on day-drinking alllll the sampler wines. (Spitting it out just seems gross, and wasteful).
Nooo don’t spit out the wines! I mean, maybe super bougie people do, but I’ve been on many wine tours with lots of different groups, and no one has ever spit.
Toasties, You’ll love this, especially Mallory:
http://erikkwakkel.tumblr.com/
A tumblr about fun stuff and doodles in old manuscripts.
What do I do if one of my office-mates talks to himself frequently, and hums quietly to himself??? Is it okay to ask him to stop?
yeah! Sometimes people do that without realizing others can hear. Try politely saying, “Hey Bob, I can hear you humming and it’s distracting. Can you please stop?” The talking to himself one might be more awkward but try, “Hey Bob, did you realize you’re talking out loud? Would you mind keeping it down?”
If after a few gentle corrections he’s still doing it, then he’s probably a jerk. If he’s a jerk then maybe you can ask for one of you to be moved, or have a manger talk to him. But definitely just ask him to cut it out first.
*MANAGER, gosh.
Just sing a tuneless song to yourself with the lyrics “Bob is terrible, I hate his stupid talking, he hums like a moronic madman and I hate him, Bob must die”.
I know this song well…
This is good advice. I know that my instinctual response of passive aggressively making the same or louder noises is not effective and have always stopped myself from doing so but I sure have thought about it! He has a very *active* style of working at a computer (always moving around and playing with things at his desk). I don’t know how he has so much energy! Anyway I will start to bring it up politely when he is making disruptive noises. We are grad students so there is not too much recourse and we actually have one of the nicer offices out of most people (although there are 5 of us in it).
Oh god I would lose my mind. Yes, be tactful but direct!
Humming is definitely not part of the office social contract. Totally reasonable to ask him to stop.
I could TOTALLY be your co-worker, and I would be A. embarrassed and B. grateful if you told me I was doing it so I could stop. It might take a few reminders, so if you ask once and he doesn’t stop, don’t be surprised or assume it’s a passive-aggressive move.
My new coworker (who just started last week) also whispers to himself a lot. I think in his case, though, it’s an involuntary behavior that comes from a mild case of the crazies, so it seems there is nothing to be done. When he was shadowing me as part of his training, he stared off into the distance and whispered to himself like right behind me. I don’t think he would do this if he could help it. I don’t want to embarrass him, so for now I’ve said nothing.
Your office-mate probably can help it, though, so I would for sure tell him about it (nicely). If I were him I’d rather be tactfully confronted than quietly resented.
Yeah I think he can help it. It’s mostly swearing at his computer or saying “oh my god” in despair. If I’m in a good mood I’ll ask what happened and he elaborates. More frequent is the repeatedly crushing a plastic cup in his hand or crinkling a plastic bottle, or throwing and catching his iPhone until he inevitably drops it and then shouts “oh sorry!”. I’ve made offhand comments before like “Geez, what are you doing to that cup? ha ha…” and he stops but I think I need to take a more direct approach. Or wear ear plugs.
I’m reading The Wind in the Willows for the first time ever and it’s so good and has a rapturous description of buttered toast. And I’m sharing this: < <a href=”http://;http://www.lambdaliterary.org/features/07/30/ariel-schrag-on-her-new-novel-adam-writing-for-the-l-word-and-trans-inclusiveness/” target=”_blank”> <a href=”http://;http://www.lambdaliterary.org/features/07/30/ariel-schrag-on-her-new-novel-adam-writing-for-the-l-word-and-trans-inclusiveness/” target=”_blank”>;http://www.lambdaliterary.org/features/07/30/ariel-schrag-on-her-new-novel-adam-writing-for-the-l-word-and-trans-inclusiveness/ , because I’m so pleased with how it came out, and if I hadn’t read ADAM to prepare for it that’s what I’d be reading now.
I love that book a lot 🙂
ah this is the perfect open thread for me but I’ll have to read it Monday because I’m off to a music festival (and driving, which makes me semi terrified but I am determined, how hard can prairie highways be). taking The Empathy Exams to read while we lounge in the sun and listen to music (not to read while driving. hoo boy, please pray for me).
Reading Love in a Cold Climate for the first time! I have felt shame for having never read Nancy since Force Ranking the Mitford Sisters. Absolutely loved In Pursuit of Love and I’m currently barreling through the antics of Cedric (one). eee 🙂 looking forward to finishing it up on a lazy saturday afternoon after the farmers market.
I am reading The Hallowed Hunt by Lois McMaster Bujold! I am enjoying it less than the other two in the series so far, but am only about a quarter of the way through, so am optimistic.
I don’t think it is quite as good as the other two, but it’s still good.
Lately I’ve been SUPER INTO listing all the ways being 30 is the best thing that ever happened to me (can’t wait til I’m 40, and superwoman). Anyway, here’s one: I just read Gone Girl and totally enjoyed it, because I’m 30 and no longer ashamed of liking and reading bestsellers, even when I read them way late!
Why do people keep bothering me for rsvps that aren’t due yet?? I still have 2 WEEKS to reply. On a website so I don’t even have to take into account delivery time. Back off!
I was reading An Untamed State a few pages at a time with plenty of deep breathing in between, but yesterday I faced up to the reality that, however beautifully written and affecting it is (and it is), I am not in a good place for it right now.
Yesterday, I discovered a stack of paperbacks I picked up from the local bookstore’s 50¢ table and completely forgot about, so now I’m cheerfully plugging my way through some Nero Wolfe mysteries, with an M.F.K. Fisher novel (!?) to follow. Before that, I read Anita Loos’ Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, which is hilarious and quite different in tone and plot from the film.
mfk fisher novel???? wow. please report back.
Seconded!
I really liked the Loos. IIRC there is a sequel!
San Francisco toastitos, if you could use another friend or activity partner in your life, I could use one too. I moved here in February, and haven’t had the guts to join a group thing quite yet. I have a nice cat who wears a bow tie and will let you pet her, or you can forget I said that if you hate cats wearing bow ties. We can twitter if you want: @christonacrkr
I am in San Jose so maybe too far away for fun, but I would follow you on twitter if I could find you!
ohhhh I’m not very good at the twitters yet. I will de-private, but I found you, so there we go. Hooray!
oh yes please join us! Is your twitter private? I can’t find you. I’m @lizbizfizz!
found you, followed you! yay!
also i think you spelled your twitter handle wrong! 🙂 @christonacrakr then you’ll get more people to follow!
oh dear. I CAN’T EVEN SPELL MY OWN NAME
I’m also an SF toastie and I just followed you! Would love to get in on the fun. I’m @akuonzoom
BOWTIE KITTY???
SHE LOVES NEW FRIENDS AND EATING MY PLANTS
Well, now I’m sad that I live on the other side of the country from you, because I love bowtie-wearing cats.
I am a Sacramento toastie but I know SF toasties do brunch sometimes and I’m hoping to go soon – I’m @ediehan!
I’m in Michigan but followed you because bow tie kitty!
I live in London I would love to meet you and your cat. If you ever come to London, please come and teach me how to put bow ties on my cats. @Learningfunny
THIS WEEK, you guys. My husband and I unexpectedly had to put our 20-year old cat to sleep on Sunday and I have too many feelings about it. I spent Sunday and Monday crying and now I am mostly done crying but I can’t stop feeling incredibly guilty and imagining things we could have done better/sooner/etc. Ughhhhhhh.
I’m just about 7 months pregnant and my pelvis has started hurting all the time. I’ve never thought about my pelvis before and now it is constantly making itself known. I am also in the midst of a lot of truly incomprehensible drama about the contents of our baby shower registry that makes me feel really disconnected from all my family members. I do not understand the things that they value, and vice versa, and it’s super frustrating.
In good news I just quit my job (or put in notice, at least), and I am thrilled, because I hate it here, but my terrible, no-good boss just put a huge damper on my excitement by referring to my time here as “pretty normal for your first job.” I’m 30. I’ve been working full-time jobs for over a decade. A major obstacle in my hiring process for this exact job was getting a reference from my boss from 8 years ago. What the hell kind of mind game is happening here?
I’m so sorry! For all of it! Your cat sounds like he/she was loved and cared for – 20 is amazing. Everyone and everything dies, and it is not your fault.
As for your boss and the drama over your registry, what even. That is garbage, and I suggest you ignore as much of it as possible.
Oh, I’m so sorry about your cat. You did the best thing you could, and that’s all we can do — the finest thing we can do.
Your boss is for sure playing head games, don’t even worry about it. The only winning move is not to play. Congratulations on quitting!
Yeah, baby showers and other consumer rituals really highlight differences from our family and friends. It’s hard to see and it’s just plain weird sometimes, but you’ll make it through. You can be true to yourself without being ungracious to people who want to give you presents to celebrate.
You can be true to yourself without being ungracious to people who want to give you presents to celebrate.
What a wonderful and extremely helpful thing to say. Thanks!
Well, I won’t pretend like it’s easy or infallible. But just your phrasing — your awareness that you value different things, rather than jumping straight to “they want to give us junk” — makes me suspect you’re a very thoughtful, observant person.
Awwww, my friend had the pelvis thing in her third trimester. She said the thing that helped the most was getting in child’s pose, but stick your ass in the air and your face on the ground, belly between the knees. Takes the weight off the unhappy ligaments.
Line up someone else to be your reference at this job you’re leaving. I have had to do this twice. Two supervisors retired and dropped off the map soon after I left.
So sorry about your cat. You did the right thing and you don’t need me to tell you so. I still cry over a dog a put down 5 years ago. Excuse me. Someone must be cutting onions nearby.
Wow, that is a crap week. I hope things with the pelvis and the boss thing improve. Or, better yet, stop happening at all.
I’m so sorry to hear about losing your cat. It’s so so so tough to lose a furry family member.
At 20 years old, though, you didn’t do anything wrong. I know it doesn’t feel true, but I promise SO HARD that it’s true. It’s sort of like saying, “Grandpapa could have lived passed the tender age of 107 if only we’d spent several million dollars reverse-aging his cells!” You did all the things right if your kitty made it to 20.
Also, don’t even worry about your boss. They have one too many intact kneecaps, so I’ll go ahead and take care of that. You just worry about your exciting new job and growing a human person inside your body.
Every one of these responses has made me cry just a little bit, but only yours makes me well up with Gleeful Tears of Kneecapping Justice. The boss is a Man and should not be spared.
Seriously, thanks to all you Toasties, I really needed to hear some nice words today.
Bad bosses are awful. At my last place of employment when I gave notice after working there for four years my boss said “Well, I think we all knew it wasn’t a good fit.” Pfffft.
I am really sorry about your cat, that is so hard. I am really sure you did what you could, and 20 years is a long, long time for a cat.
I shaved off the left side of my hair two days ago. thanks, The Toast.
and I am reading Ancillary Justice.
the library just emailed me to say Ancillary Justice is in and on hold for me. EXCITED.
aww yeeeah! I’m only a third through it but I’m really enjoying it.
So last week I was bemoaning my foster dog, She Who Pees Only Indoors. Well, we are still peeing indoors, but she’s mostly aiming for the pee pads now. I will take this small victory. ALSO she has a prospective adopter so please, fingers crossed she can go to a nice home and no longer pee in mine. I admit, when she is not peeing, she is the sweetest, littlest little thing and I will miss her.
A guy I met online and have been texting told me he thinks I’m pretty and I find it difficult to take him seriously, because he’s awfully cute. I am afraid he will see me in real life and be like, whoops, never mind, those were some VERY flattering selfies.
And finally, after two years of being a brunette, I am saying fuck it and going blonde again. I miss being blonde. And I admit I’m curious if it changes what sort of guys I get hits from on OK Cupid.
has anyone read the signature of all things? i started listening to the audiobook without realizing who wrote it and I’ve been really enjoying it!
I read it, I loved it, I have nothing but love in my heart for Liz Gilbert, I do not understand the haters.
i didn’t like EPL but I’m SURE it was a case of “it’s me, not her.”
Hello Toasties! I am the latest ever to this thread.
Reading: The Suffragette Scandal. About to start listening to Landline for book club (HEY DFW TOASTIES JOIN THE BOOK CLUB)
Anyone here ever had a laparoscopy? I went back to the OB/GYN about my fun Cramps All The Time syndrome, and a laparascopy is the next step in figuring out what’s going on. I am somewhat terrified, mostly of anesthetic.
Perspective: I just had removal of uterus and 13 pound fibroid. Incision from belly button all the way down. You can handle a laproscopic procedure.
Not minimizing your fear, though. Just trying to minimize the space it takes up in your imagination. That’s the seat of my problems, anyway, imagination.
My sister had a laproscopic procedure and 24 hours later was chasing her children as if nothing had happened. She says NBD. And she’s as scared of medical stuff as I am.
Holy shit, lady! I hope you’re doing well – that’s intense. I’ve never had any kind of surgery before, so yeah, I’m probably imagining worse than it is. Thanks for the perspective!
I’m great! No pain, not ever, none from the moment I awoke after surgery. Modern medicine is amazing. All you need is a good team. I have a doting spouse, affectionate little dogs, and a doc who listens and has privileges at a very fine hospital.
It helps that your procedure and mine are extremely common. All the docs have lots of experience and all the kinks were worked out long ago. It’ll be a breeze.
Don’t be afraid of anesthesia. It’s just sleeping. I have trouble sleeping, so it’s a blessed relief to be guaranteed some deep sleep.
I had laparoscopy when my fallopian tube burst. They had to make three incisions before they finally found the damage and fixed it. Even with all of that, it only took 4 days to recover. I am sure a planned surgery will go much better than the emergency surgery I had. As for anesthetic, try not to worry. It will be done under calm, planned out circumstances, so much less likely to have things go wrong.
Good luck! I hope they find out what is wrong and fix it for you.
I had a laparoscopy, two tiny incisions-one at belly button, one a few inches down. They found one cyst and removed some fluid from previous cysts that had burst. I did have a pretty bad reaction to the anesthesia, I was throwing up about every two-three hours for 3 or 4 days. Not fun at all after having stomach surgery. On top of that, a week after I took a road trip home for Christmas from college, a 24 hour trip. Car was so small and packed I had to remain upright. And I forgot my backpack. Which had my painkillers in it. (My roommate overnighted it to my house, but that didn’t help for the trip.) So I definitely don’t recommend road-tripping for a while.
Um sorry, that probably doesn’t help your fears. I was glad I had it though, to confirm the ovarian cysts and that I didn’t have endometriosis.
Depizan brought up some important points. I told my doc that I had previously experienced extended nausea after anesthesia. The anesthesiologist was impressed that 15 years ago I had actually been admitted to the hospital solely for post-surgery vomiting. (Tubal ligation is supposed to be an outpatient procedure.) He said he would throw every anti-nausea drug at me during surgery and in the days after. He even had an extra drug on standby so the nurses could give it to me immediately if needed. It was not needed. I felt nauseous only for the first 10 seconds after I awoke, but it passed by the time my beloved raised the head of my bed. It never recurred. Modern medicine is amazing!
You have no history of surgery, so no post-surgery nausea experience to report. Just be aware that drugs are now available if you should feel nausea. Report that feeling to your nurses. If they don’t give you anti-nausea drugs, ask for them!
Pain meds: your doc will tell you to take it on schedule. Don’t wait to feel pain. It’s more effective if you keep a consistent level of it in your system. Set an alarm clock so you can take your next dose on time. And don’t be a martyr. Pain meds are for more than comfort. They also address inflammation, which affects healing. Take the pain meds!
Late to this BUT. I had major knee surgery and it was terrible and I had a terrible response to the anesthesic (vomiting and bad anxiety) and it was awful. AND I was in pain for days and hated the way the painkillers made me feel and blah. I had to go back three months later for a laparoscope in the same area and was terrified but told the anesthesiologist about what happened before and they were great and the recovery time was basically half an hour. Like, I felt fine that same night. The difference in anesthetic response and type of procedure was night and day. If you haven’t had anesthesia before, you won’t have that previous bad experience to report but I think the moral of my story is to communicate with your medical people when possible (or have someone with you who can/will advocate for you after surgery) and that they can do things to alleviate reactions. Also that scopes are totally nbd, you’ll do great.
(ETA: I don’t know if this is common for scopes but mine were done up with staples. I thought they were a little less unpleasant looking than the stitches from the big-incision surgery and I’m pretty squeamish about that stuff. The removal was FINE, I didn’t feel it. I didn’t even notice it being done since I refused to look and asked them not to tell me when it was being done — which I also did with the needle before the surgery. Some people are more comfortable being told what’s going on but I am NOT and still don’t have a clear idea of what they were doing in there.)
On the subject of fear and anesthesia, when I had my wisdom teeth removed I went under (again told them about my previous experience and again they were great) and they gave me a valium to take an hour or so before the procedure. I felt GREAT and was giving everyone pep talks before they put me under. So that may be an option (talk to your doctor obviously) if you need extra help actually getting TO the procedure.
Good luck and I hope it helps with your Cramps All The Time syndrome!
I’m rereading Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan. I’ve definitely grown out of my high school John Green phase, but it is fun reading it four years later since last time I read it I was a 17-year-old in New Jersey, and now I’m a sorta/kinda/not really adult living in Chicago, where it is set! So fun when the characters are like, “We were driving down Sheridan,” and I can be like, “AYYYY I KNOW WHERE THAT IS!”
(Though I got a little choked up recently because one of the characters asked another character to go for a late-night walk downtown which my best friend and I always do, except he has been in Spain since June and isn’t back for another few weeks.)
I am reading Friendship. Just started but so far I like it. I also have California (ordered it from Powell’s after seeing the author on the Colbert Report) and a novel that I saw in an ad on the Toast yesterday. I don’t remember the name but it is about an auctioneer and that Paris apartment that was closed up since WWII. I am enthralled by the pictures of that apartment every time I see them so I am looking forward to that one. Then I have about 20 books waiting for me to get to. I buy in spurts and then try to check up with myself before I buy any more.
I am going to see Roxane Gay at the Last Bookstore next month and will get more books there since I have no book-buying control when in a new place. I live in Phoenix but will be near LA visiting family that weekend so I got excited when I heard about it. I mentioned to my mom that I wanted to go and thought it would work out to leave her at my aunt’s house in the San Bernardino mountains, drive down to LA, and come back the next day. She thought it was a great idea until my dad started talking about how dangerous LA is and how I shouldn’t go by myself. Now mom wants to go with me (because she would be such a deterrent to whatever she thinks is going to happen) and keeps insisting that she just thinks it would be fun. She asked if I didn’t want her to go because I was upset that she didn’t think I should go alone or because I just didn’t want her there. I told her it was actually both.
I love my mother but we don’t have any of the same interests and I can’t see her attending this without either making a scene there or ruining the rest of the trip lecturing me about my deviant lifestyle. She is a super-conservative religious Tea-Party type who hangs on Palin’s every word and frequently recommends books about how welfare cheats found religion and learned the errors of their wicked ways. And also it is insulting that she thinks it’s too dangerous for me to go by myself. I am an adult, I live alone, and travel alone pretty frequently. I think her problem is that she doesn’t see me do these things and thinks I just sit at home or if I am out of town for something that I just stay safe in my hotel room and don’t venture out into the world.
She told me to think about it and let her know what I decide. I’m pretty sure she thinks the choice is between her coming with or just skipping it. I’m trying to figure out how to tell her I am going alone without having to deal with her over-protective, over-dramatic nonsense.
Some parents cannot handle hearing about their adult children’s dangerous endeavors. Or they can’t until they get some more miles on being the Parent of Adults. Until their responses mature, your relationship might be better served by telling them of your adventures only in the past tense. “Mom, Dad, I had a wonderful trip to LA last month!”
In most cases that would work but this time she is travelling to California with me. We send my Grandma to my Aunt’s house for a few weeks each summer and I always go with to pick her up since my mom doesn’t like to drive that far alone. My grandma thinks it is less hassle for us to drive from Phoenix to LA and back then it would be for her to fly and one of us to pick her up at the airport. The women in my family seem to lose rationality as they age. I am not looking forward to this. Hopefully I won’t be aware when it starts happening to me.
Can you just say firmly “Mom, I’m going to LA by myself, although I so appreciate the offer to come with me. I’ll be back on X date to resume our mutual adventure”?
I’ve been being so much more firm with my mom lately, and it really actually works, despite the mini panic attacks it give me. Firmness just seems to take the wind out of her bossy sails.
(I recently invited my mom to a birthday party for a friend I was having at my house, and she was like “great! I will take you and friend out for dinner!” And I was like, well, that is so nice, but I’m not sure that will work because there will be people sporadically arriving at my house, so instead I will order sushi in for a pre-party dinner and my mom actually said “Well I would really rather go out for dinner”. And then I had to become more firm.*)
*The funny ending to this story is that in fact I have moved the whole party of drunk 30 year olds to my mom’s house now, because I am the best Tom Sawyer ever.
I’m sorry your mom is giving you a hard time. I am also going to be in LA that weekend and am planning to go to the reading! Maybe I will see you there.
“No mom, it’s cool, I’m meeting someone I know from the internet there so I’ll definitely be safe. No, no, not like that; I know them from this super liberal feminist – more misandrist really – website, so I know they’ll be nice.”
I might… I might go with;
“Everyone there is going to be very very liberal; the book is about rape and sexism and racism, and that is what we’re going to be talking about. The language for talking about these things in this culture is very narrow and specific; it’s almost a jargon. I know I sound like a teenager here, but I’m afraid you’re going to embarrass me. It’s not just that you and I disagree on these topics, it’s that I’m afraid you’ll get into an argument – partly because miscommunication due to the very specific language lends itself to arguments which escalate very quickly – and I’ll have to choose between defending my mother and defending my principles.”
I know that’s not fair fair or true true – marginalized people have deep wounds, and they shouldn’t have to be nice when hearing the same fucking defense of stupid shit for the nth time – but often when privileged people are confronted with their privilege they see it as someone insisting they are a bad person and act to protect their sense of self. “You don’t know the jargon.” is a lot easier to reconcile with being a good person than “you’re systematically oppressing people.”
Sometimes people should confront their not-goodness in a societal context, but sometimes you just want to go to a damn book reading by yourself.
Well said.
I’m reading* Outlander. I swear working at a senior’s home is rubbing off me, that and the tv series actually looks good? so I want to read* the book afore watching.
Oh who am I kidding, I love hiostorical romance novels and this is the pinnacle of historical romance novels.
*listening to the audiobook because ALL THE ACCENTS YES PLS
I got to see the premiere of Outlander this weekend at Comic-Con. It was Not Really My Thing, but my friend who was with me wanted to see it and I didn’t have a different line to stand in, so…. Now, I’ve never read the books and historical fiction is not my favorite, but damn that show sure was pretty. Well-acted and amazing care to costume construction. So if someone who really had no interest or affection for it (and who has very little patience for standing in lines) walked away happy? GOOD SHOW.
I’ve really enjoyed the book series, and I since I’m inclined to love “trashy” (delightful) TV versions of books I’ve enjoyed (thinking of the first season of True Blood), I’m really excited about TV Outlander.
I just had part of a dental filling fall off. And I can’t see my dentist until Thursday. I am not especially happy about this.
OH MY GOD. Your dentist doesn’t have emergency appointments? Yeesh.
Apparently not? I have definitely been able to see him on shorter notice in the past, but maybe I’ve just been lucky before.
The filling was covering a root canal, so on the one hand it’s not like there’s a nerve in that tooth to worry about. On the other hand, I’m not sure what he’ll be able to do on Thursday evening. And I leave for two weeks vacation a week from tomorrow.
Yes, precisely.
I suppose I could call back and ask if there’s any way I could get in on any cancellations, like if they could call me or if I could call once a day and ask or something. But then I’d have to talk on the phone again.
Or I could leave work early and stop by on the way home, which would avoid the phone at least. And I’d have left work early, which might help improve my day back to before-my-filling-broke levels. Maybe I’ll do that.
I would (and have, in the past) absolutely call and say “please give me your earliest emergency appointment, and if it’s not soon enough for me, a referral to another dentist”. You’ll either get a better appointment time, or a referral, either way, it’s better.
And I feel you on the bad timing. I would want to get it taken care of ASAP, because missing part of a filling on a root canaled tooth sounds like a recipe for breaking the rest of the tooth and then being really up shit creek.
I did end up going by on my way home from work, and I ended up talking to one of the hygienists or assistants instead of the receptionist. I am now feeling much reassured that it will probably be fine until Thursday, and that he’ll probably be able to fix it completely then. And I know how to get in on any possible cancelations or such if things get worse over the weekend. So that’s good enough for me for now. Thank you for the advice, and I will keep it in mind in case I need it.
Oh noooo 🙁 That sounds awful.
It is less awful than it sounds, mostly because the tooth in question has had a root canal, so it doesn’t really have much ability to hurt any more. But it’s a bit upsetting, and the timing is super inconvenient.
It’s good that it doesn’t hurt a lot! My teeth are cringing just thinking about it.
I think all the inner teeth bits are still covered. It’s a weird filling, it covers pretty much my entire tooth.
I am halfways tempted to go see Guardians of the Galaxy again to distract myself, but seeing it two days in a row would probably be silly.
My daughter is watching a Sesame Street video about ‘being green’ so I have time to peek in to the open thread!
We are usually reading 5 or 6 books at a time (at least) but right now we are kind of in a lull. There was some binge reading of Jane Duncan which has slowed down after the last one which was very good up to the last few pages which were suddenly WTF natural disaster? But we have a book of Rupert Brooke’s love letters to Noel Olivier out from the library, and a May Sarton novel (A Shower of Summer Days) that looks gloriously middlebrow, and we are very very very slowly reading Moss Roberts translation of The Three Kingdoms in tandem with the awesome manga version of it we found at the library. It is MUCH easier to keep the 1000 characters straight with manga to look at.
Finally, GREAT NEWS EVERYBODY we’re going on vacation in October to meet up with our online SO in Chicago!!!!! I still cannot believe this worked out.
I am reading “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” at your suggestion. I read it and found some interesting ideas, but I was totally going to implement gradual, gentle change, until the baby started waking every hour from midnight to five am (and them waking up at 5 am) and I said NOPE. Time to shut down the bed-sharing and shut it down fast. Am bracing for a rough couple of days, but am optimistic. He micro-napped in protest all day and conked out a half-hour ago. Now I have to go to bed so I’m braced for when he’s recovered enough to protest. WISH ME LUCK.
I am reading “Marriage, A History” which is what it sounds like, by a queer social historian. Full disclosure I am doing with this with the babe I am recently affianced to, partially because planning a wedding is bullshit but book club is fun. Also if I distract her with facts about the subjective nature of weddings throughout history maybe she will not like, get as worried about where to find an appropriately androgynous pantsuit that will fit her not-average waist-to-thigh ratio. (she is thick in the middle and has skinny legs) Also I am rereading Calling Dr Laura because it’s great.
My BFF’s wife got her appropriately androgynous wedding pantsuit (and she has kind of a similar body shape!) from the Indochino online custom-made suit thing, and she looked baaaaangin’. And apparently they were super cool about the “this is a traditionally men’s suit for a woman, so it has to fit around boobs” thing.
I think you just take measurements and send them in and pick your fabric and style?
I would post a photo, but I’m pretty sure it’s way uncool to post photos of other people on the internet without their permission. But yeah, she looked banging, and was super anxious about it in advance.
that is a great recommendation! indochino looks really sharp, like eshakti for dudes! it also looks ‘spensive, but what are you gonna do.
I loved “Marriage, A History.” It was fascinating. I would probably not have picked it up on my own but I had a sociology professor a few years ago who gave everyone the choice between taking a super hard final or reading a book from his list and writing an in-depth report. I chose the book. The whole list was full of paradigm-busters, which was an admirable effort on the part of the professor teaching in a very conservative part of East Texas.
I’m enjoying it, for sure! My cousin did a similar thing with his wife, pre-getting hitched a few years ago (reading this book as part of process of being engaged) and the author is local-ish to me, it likely wouldn’t have crossed my path otherwise.
I own this but haven’t started it yet, but I’m so excited. It looks great. I love all books where the author breaks down all preconceived bullshit notions. “No, it was never actually like that. No, it never happened that way.”
They told us yesterday that they’re moving our headquarters to Des Moines to consolidate with the office there. Yeah. So I’ll be getting laid off in 6 months or so because Iowa is definitely not in my future.
well…….that sucks. But on the bright side, at least you have 6 months to look for a new job!
Don’t they normally consolidate the satellite office with the HQ?? Eep.
Oy. So sorry. You need ice cream this weekend. Keep us informed on your job hunt. (I hate job hunting. And I hated having to type the term. Feeling some sympathetic dread on your behalf.)
This week I’m working my way through a couple of collections of short stories by Elmore Leonard to see if I like his writing style before I pick up one of his novels. So far so good, I think, but it’s entirely possible that my reaction might be just a teensy bit colored by my tremendous affection for the show Justified and my delight in finally getting to read the story they claim to have based five whole seasons on.
And also this week, I shouted at one of my coworkers for being a homophobic asshole and it felt really good. I probably should’ve picked a better venue than work for my ‘hey, when I need to, I can stand up for myself but good’ epiphany, but I couldn’t’ve picked a better person to tell off. AND the next day I got to use Mallory’s tips on claiming the airplane armrest to get him to quit draping himself all over the back of my damn seat. Guys just really don’t know what to do when a woman starts taking up a bunch of room in public spaces, do they? I hadn’t fully appreciated it before now, what with the fat cooties I apparently have that force people to give me a wider berth than most. I feel such power!
I’m currently rereading A Local Habitation by Seanan McGuire, which is from the October Daye books, urban fantasy fairy crime noir and a series I really enjoy! In this one, she ends up investigating weird murders at a fairy IT company.
I’m currently grumbling at one of my friends. He has told me he aspires to be a person that I can relax and recharge around, which is a category that doesn’t exist so it might involve him becoming furniture of some kind. Maybe a lamp? Because otherwise he’s just going to keep talking and telling me that I need to keep the door open to romantic relationships. Which, no I don’t. I can close that door if I want.
he’s just going to keep talking and telling me that I need to keep the door open to romantic relationships
I KNOW IT’S REALLY ANNOYING I FEEL A LOT LIKE THAT CAT.
I think I’m going to stop hanging out with him one-on-one because it’s really starting to feel like he is trying to date me despite the fact that I turned him down in that area.
That sounds wise. Good luck.
Thanks! I really prefer hanging out in groups anyway. One-on-one time with someone is exhausting for me, but it’s even worse when they keep sending FEELINGS my way.
I have a category of people I can relax and recharge around, they are people who are SILENT for long periods of time. Picture a library and the people in it reading in companionable silence, and then imagine that sometimes those people leave the library to grab a drink and chat briefly. Those are a good kind of friend to have.
This guy does not seem to fit in this category.
Yeah, my nicest afternoons with my brother (the person I’m most relaxed with) are when he’s playing computer games and I’m reading books at his house and playing with his cat and we can talk when we feel like it. Constant streams of conversation are exhausting and this guy definitely likes to talk.
The play I’m acting in opens on monday. Aaaaaaaaaarrrrhhhhhhh! What if no one comes????!
People will come. Breathe.
Even if no one came (they will come, though), you will have a blast performing with the rest of the cast. The lights and makeup and costuming will be very exiting and you will be so glad you did it.
oh I almost forgot! I am going to Ireland next week! Does anyone live in or have knowledge of Galway, Killarney, or Cork? Tips appreciated!
I lived in Galway for six months like – shit, almost ten years ago? I feel old. But! While The King’s Head is a fun pub, it’s also incredibly touristy; I liked Roisin Dubh much better, and they have a more interesting variety of music. There’s some nice walks along the bay, not far from the high street. And of course live theatre in Ireland is always worth seeing.
If you’re into literary history, Yeats’s stone tower (where he lived out the Irish Civil War and wrote cranky poetry about it) is in Gort, which is a ten-twenty minute drive from Galway proper. I never made it myself, because the buses are designed for people living in Gort to commute into Galway, not the other way around.
Just finished “Pompeii” by Mary Beard, good if you like non fiction Roman history. Spoiler alert- they all die.
I love whenever people attempt to be unspoilered for historical events. Like the rhetorical tension-building questions in the trailer for that abs-and-fire Pompeii film or like who gets married in The Tudors.
I just finished Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe because it was 50 cents at a library booksale and I often wondered how much the Idgie/Ruth couple differed from the movie. The read was more or less enjoyable, but some of the race issues bothered me.
I get that Fannie Flag was trying to show something of a “warts and all” South, not hiding the fact that racial slurs were used causally and all that. But it seemed like a ton of casual racism, with a lot of “but these specific white folks treated the black people well.” It wasn’t until 2/3rds of the way through the book that we got a look at racism from a black character’s perspective, and even then it wasn’t much of a focus. Still better than a lot of books set in the Jim Crow South, but still.
And the part where Evelyn got all mad that a teenager called her a “cunt” and she thought about how no one used racial slurs in this day and age but still thought it was okay to call a woman a slur. It seemed like the author’s perspective, but IDK. There wasn’t anything in the book to challenge that narrative, and all I could think was that in this day and age people are still using the racial slurs just the same– they act polite in regular society and whip them out to fire directly at someone in that category who pisses them off. And, as always, there are people who still use them casually. I didn’t like that Oppression Olympics thing.
Maybe reading it right after I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings gave me a different perspective than I would have had otherwise. But after reading the very real account of what the same area felt like to a black girl growing up in that time, and then reading this fictionalized view just didn’t jibe with me, even though it seemed like the author was kinda trying to show both sides.
Just wondering: do any other Toastfolk out there have Mitral valve prolapse? I just got back from getting an echo done (ughhhhhhhh) and I have a follow-up in two weeks. I’ve been having lots of weird heart palpitations and some chest pain (nothing too painful, more like an occasional ache) that started last September-ish along with a sudden increase in my depression and anxiety. I’m concerned but I realize these are “normal” symptoms of MVP but also what if its something terrible D: D: D:
No experience. Just concern for you. Please tell me you have a good medical team working on this. Wishing you healing and tranquility.
The rational part of my brain is sure its nothing (I have no risk factors and I’m young and don’t smoke) but the anxious part is just like “AHHHHGAAAAAAAH IM GUNNA DIEEEEEEE”
MVP is one of those things where the symptoms make you feel like you’re dying horribly but aren’t serious 99% of the time. I’ve got a bunch of good doctors though!
and ty for the nice words <3
So glad you’ve got good doctors because this sounds scary and stressful. <3
Well I was going to try to read all the comments before I posted but there are just too many. I finished An Untamed State last night and now I don’t know what to do (on many levels). When is our next book club meeting? I need to talk about some things. (Also can I just say, hopefully spoiler-free, thank fucking god for that one lady, I just felt so much better about the world once Mireille was in her care.)
I am halfway through a bunch of books — Surface Detail by Iain M. Banks, The Orchardist by Amanda Coplin (Toasties might like this one), Cocaine Blues (Phryne Fisher #1) by Kerry Greenwood. I guess I will work on finishing these before I start on the GIANT PILE of recommendations I’ve gotten from these comments.
Delurking and late to the party, but I agree with the clerk — if you like Fraction's Hawkeye you will probably like the current Daredevil series. They are very similar in tone.
this made me snort tea up my nose.
You can get it at places like whole foods and, I imagine, trader joes. Regular grocery stores probably stock it now as well.
Currently going through “Mike and Psmith” and loving Psmith a lot! I’d like to be his monocle.
Oh, and looking forward to my huge hardbound Christina Rossetti biography!
We also had a campus tour on a particularly unlucky day because there was mud with the grass. I do like the rain, though. And the grass. My socks and I were just all, “Eww” at the muddy field. I walked for miles with my umbrella and cardigan and lots of freebie sweets.
This was two days ago but I just want to say her Robert Galbraith books are fantastic! I loved them both, whilst hating A Casual Vacancy with the fire of 1000 suns…could not care less about those characters. But huge thumbs up for the detective novels!
This is late and an underwhelming tip but dont forget frequency! a normal person might moisterize once a day however that would do nothing for my scaly legs and so i moisterize in the morning and at bed and keep a bottle of lotion (any!) on hand in case i need a top up.
Merci! They have both at my school library, so I'm looking forward to September.