Anna Pulley’s previous lesbian haiku for The Toast can be found here. This post was brought to you by Jay Casey.
Illustrator credit: Kelsey Beyer
Petite Red Head and Caliente Latina Roommates Surprise the Pizza Delivery Man
With a lecture on
how his employer should
compost pizza boxes.
Two Blondes Engage in Some Much-Sought-After Pussy Play
Susan and Chris knew
how understaffed the local
no-kill shelter was.
A Blue-Haired Girl in Knee-Length Board Shorts Teaches Her Slutty Twin Sister a Lesson She Won’t Soon Forget
“You know, The Dog
Whisperer is really the same
episode every time.”
Cohabitating Co-Eds in Lust Swap Many Secrets
“Take off your shirt,” she
commands. “This soap I made
is hypoallergenic.”
Horny Amateur Babe Wearing Pajamas Her Mother Bought Her at Lands End Loves Dirty Talking Her Lover (A PhD Candidate in Musicology)
“This non-dairy ice
cream is so good I want to
put it in my vag!”
*
A Busty Babe’s First Time Kissing Her Flat Mate
Ten hot seconds, followed
by months of “what does it
mean?” conversations.
*
Naughty Lesbian Babysitter Has Surprise for Dad When He Returns Home
She let the kids stay
up until 11 watching
Harry Potter.
Hot MILFs Engage in a Steamy Clam Photo Sesh
One arranges bread
while the other gets the best
angle for Instagram.
Big-Boobed Sorority Sisters Satisfy Each Other’s Every Desire
Tofutti Cuties,
Hulu Plus, and analyzing
Liz Phair videos.
A Precocious Young Lass Has Something to Share with Her Catholic School-Girl Classmates After Class
A zine of Ani
lyrics, Glee fan fiction, and
the merits of jorts.
*
The little cat family portrait on the wall is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!
I agree! It delights me to see actual artistic skill mixed up with something frivolously awesome.
Oh my god, oh my god, I let my eyes skim over it the first time I CAME SO CLOSE TO MISSING MY NEW ALL-TIME FAVORITE THING.
That first one? I WOULD WATCH IT. I think it almost *is* porn.
(That last one? Pretty sure I have been it, though it was sadly public school, and uniformless.)
I NEED prints of the entire lesbian cat series like my life depends on it
There is going to be A BOOK, I hear!
Yeah there is, and it’s going to be great!
Hurrah!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amazing. I can’t wait!
ME TOO. I guarantee that the toast readership could sell out at least one run.
I think SOMEONE’s been spying on us:
One arranges bread
while the other gets the best
angle for Instagram.
Good lord, these are all entirely too accurate. I’m also going to use “steam clam photo sesh” in real life conversations, so good luck world.
I totally just slow slapped. Love it.
I think probably you meant slow clapped, but now I’m in love with the idea of the slow slap, and I need to figure out how to use it post haste.
Not googling “slow slap” images… Not at work, anyway.
She slowly slapped.
The spider died. Heartbreaking,
but butch, chivalry.
good one!
I can’t stop laughing at these… even though the world now knows our dark, sexy lesbian secrets.
This is excellent and amazing
This made me smile so hard. The merits of jorts, indeed.
I think this is my favorite series.
I am so glad to be over the ubiquitous “what does it mean” questions. Because now, in my 30’s, I finally have an answer: it means I’m a horny queer and you are too so let’s fuck but not live together because we can afford our own apartments now.
Marry me.
(But don’t live with me, ugh.)
I have an LTR of seven years, and we have a two year old together and I still have my own apartment. Living with people destroys any and all love I ever had for them, probably because I am at heart a misanthrope.
HEAR HEAR. From over there, if you please.
I’m currently wearing pajamas my mother bought me at Lands End, *and* I’m a PhD candidate in musicology. STOP SPYING ON ME, TOAST. (I have not, I hasten to add, done the thing with the ice cream, non-dairy or otherwise.)
I used to work at an animal shelter in SF with hella cool lesbians. The tofutti cutie reference is priceless.
Thanks, gals! Your kind words are super encouraging and awesome. And yes, it’s going to be a book!! I’ll post details in the next series, methinks.
Also, many of the titles are from ACTUAL porn titles. Research was worth it 🙂
:0
Oh, I was wondering if they were! Great job – I loved every single one.
I want to be invited to Tofutti/Hulu/Liz Phair night!
I have an LTR of seven years, and we have a two year old together and I still have my own apartment. Living with people destroys any and all love I ever had for them, probably because I am at heart a misanthrope.
Oh, I was wondering if they were! Great job – I loved every single one.
The next time I need to explain to someone the difference between lesbians and the “lesbians” in main stream porn I will just send them the link to this post. Because this is seriously perfect