Anna Pulley’s previous lesbian haiku for The Toast can be found here.
Illustrator credit: Kelsey Beyer
Girl has sexual
awakening with teacher/
roommate/friend. Dies.
*
Girl has horrible,
traumatic past, present, and
future. Then she dies.
*
Girl has sexual
awakening with drug addict.
Drug addict dies.
*
Girl has sexual
awakening. Kills her
mother/lover for “funsies.”
*
Girl has sexual
awakening during Holocaust.
Everyone dies.
*
Girl has sexual
awakening, but decides
she likes men better.
*
Girl doesn’t have a
sexual awakening,
but she shaves her head!
*
Gina Gershon wears
a tight-fitting tank top. Sorry,
something else happened?
*
Straight-looking girl goes
gay. Male director slowly
jerks off for three hours.
*
Married lesbians
suffer from bed death, but are
still great parents!
*
Hetero subplot
added to make straights feel
better about “gay stuff.”
*
Tags: anna pulley, haiku, humor, lgbt, movies, poetry
*respectfully stands*
*claps and claps and claps*
Freelancer nails it
but this reader wants the whole
AFP story
Devastatingly great. Reminded me of the “Necrology” section in Vito Russo’s The Celluloid Closet, a (partial) list of Hollywood movies that killed off their queer characters.
Straight-looking girl goes
gay. Male director slowly
jerks off for three hours.
OMG LOL. Yas!
ATTENTION STRAIGHT MEN: LESBIAN SEX IS NOT JUST GASPING AND LICKING.
I really do love that movie, for all of its faults. 🙁
Was this made by James Franco by any chance?
Guh. Sadly true. LOVE the cat illustrations, as always!
I’m so tiiiiiired of dead gay stories. My (straight) sister recommended to me (woman with a wife) a novel that I had a hard time connecting to because – bam, dead gay guy. Bam, another dead gay guy.
My kingdom for a pile of well-written novels with lesbian protagonists who get a happy ending.
Was the novel Tell the Wolves I’m Home, by any chance? And, uh, if it wasn’t, I don’t recommend it to you.
Yes! Which I found not great in general? Like, I will resist the urge to write out a million spoilers, but I had a LOT of problems with that book. The dead gay dudes were just an annoying trope in a pile of other things which raised my hackles, tbh. 🙁
I was so in for everything about June and Greta’s relationship, though. I’m sure that’s why my sister recommended it!
Yeah, I liked it for its fluid, effortless prose and compelling female protagonist, not the bury-your-gays and some other…weird elements. Also I probably wouldn’t have read it if my book club hadn’t picked it.
Just read every Sarah Waters novel. Warning: sometimes the lesbians kill/destroy the lives of other people, but it usually works out for them in the end.
Works out for the lesbians, that is.
Yes! That is just fine. Everything works out for the lesbians: a good story for fishesinthetwee. 😀
A friend gave me Malinda Lo’s Ash and I loved it. I don’t usually read fantasy or YA, but it is a lovely novel with a happy lesbian ending.
Yes, I love Malinda Lo’s books! Did you read Huntress? I liked it better than Ash, though both were lovely.
Not yet! Maybe I’ll read it next.
High Art was *so* the first film on this list (and also the first art-house film I ever saw)
SPOT ON. I have just read two novels, back to back, with Dead Gays in them. Now I’m reading Sarah Waters’s latest and it is a fantastic palate cleanser.
I read that for work book club, curious to know your thoughts by the end.
I’m at 94%, according to my Kindle. I really like it. I just wish that Frances felt a little bit more like a real person. Waters’s characters are usually so fully-developed, but this one seems to waffle inexplicably.
Ah ok, so you are past pretty much all the major plot developments. I agree with you on Frances’ characterization. I also felt like the last 3rd dragged on a bit long.
Oh, yeah, it definitely does. And that’s where all the weird waffling really happens.
Was just going to say that. Just finished reading The Paying Guests. Not bad. Very sweet romance in the first half. Well except for the dude bro but I’m used to dude bros to being mixed in with my lesbonian story lines. However, I won’t tolerate them in my girl-on-girl sexy time movies.
Girl charms bees down south
Opens diner with lover
Men, cancer happen.
“Girl has sexual
awakening during Holocaust.
Everyone dies.”
Wait which one is this?
Aimee and Jaguar, maybe? Which has tragically disappeared from my netflix queue, just before I got around to watching it.
i dont remember anyone dying in loving annabelle, except for simone’s girlfriend, so that is not roommate/friend.
Saving Face! Great movie.
Girl has sexual
awakening with dancer
meanwhile, Joan Chen
Has anyone here ever seen Molly’s Girl? It was on Netflix, but now it isn’t, which is a shame because it was ADORABLE. Visibly low-budget, but very sweet. Also Molly totally struck me as Autistic.
Oh! Ahem.
“Girl not lesbian;
Just lonely and weird. Moral:
To just be yourself.”
PS: yes, there are also actual lesbians.
Which one of the haikus is the movie about the high-school girls who fall for each other? One comes from a working class family and is dating some dude’s wife. The other is rich and doesn’t realize she’s into girls until she meets the other girl. They have a blast hanging out. The rich girl’s mother finds out and has a fit. The movie ends with them locking themselves in a motel room while their families are outside bang on the door.
The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls In Love! Haiku:
Girl has sexual
awakening- wait, why is
Tina Kennard here?
Each installment in this series becomes my new favorite, but this one is my especially special favorite because Gina Gershon.
Each installment in this series becomes my new favorite, but this one is my especially special favorite because Gina Gershon.
Lesbians tussle
With mob, accidentally
Invent bullet-time.
MacLaine and Hepburn
teachers ruined by slander
the gay always dies
But I’m A Cheerleader:
Girl has sexual
Awakening; lives queerly
cheerleading ever after
Ok, I’m late to the party, but I LOVE THIS. Or don’t love it because it’s so true. Or do love it because it’s so hilariously accurate. You know what I mean. Also, DID anything else happen when Gina Gershon put on a tight tanktop? I seem to remember some kind of scene on a bed, and one under a sink, but the rest is a blur…
Ok, I'm late to the party, but I LOVE THIS. Or don't love it because it's so true. Or do love it because it's so hilariously accurate. You know what I mean. Also, DID anything else happen when Gina Gershon put on a tight tanktop? I seem to remember some kind of scene on a bed, and one under a sink, but the rest is a blur…
I don't think there was a haiku for this one, but the movie was "The Incredibly True Story of Two Girls In Love."