Illustrator credit: Kelsey Beyer
Picture foreplay that
lasts longer than a few minutes.
Now, add crying.
*
Depending on Who You Ask, Scissoring Is
“Real, damn it!”
“Only happens in porn.”
“Something I once saw on South Park.”
*
I can’t give away
the secrets but will say it
involves dreamcatchers.
*
It’s like girl-girl porn,
but we don’t compliment
each other’s landing strips.
*
It’s like straight sex but
afterwards we ask each other
“We had sex, right?”
*
We don’t have sex, silly!
We just pet each other
‘til a man shows up.
*
It’s exactly like
straight sex, except our penises
glow in the dark.
*
A brief note about haiku. In the West, we associate haiku with poetry that is three lines, following a 5-7-5 syllable format. But Japanese haiku isn’t based on syllables. It’s based on onji, which are units of sound that don’t correlate with Western languages.
The Haiku Society of America (which is a thing that exists!) gives a pretty loose definition here:
The definition of haiku has been made more difficult by the fact that many uninformed persons have considered it to be a “form” like a sonnet or triolet (17 syllables divided 5, 7, and 5). That it is not simply a “form” is amply demonstrated by the fact that the Japanese differentiate haiku from senryu──a type of verse (or poem) that has exactly the same “form” as haiku but differs in content from it. Actually, there is no rigid “form” for Japanese haiku. Seventeen Japanese onji (sound-symbols) is the norm, but some 5% of “classical” haiku depart from it, and so do a still greater percentage of “modern” Japanese haiku. To the Japanese and to American haiku poets, it is the content and not the form alone that makes a haiku.
Tags: anna pulley, haiku, lgbt, poetry, scissoring
Hah. A straight male friend of mine once described lesbian sex as ‘foreplay that then stops’.
I once had a girl ask me what lesbian sex was like and I told her. She was surprised by the lack of strap-ons (I wasn’t interested in them at the time) and said “oh, so it’s just foreplay, no penetration?”
I brought my rather large hands up next to my face and said, with a straight face, as I gestured in ways to emphasize their size, “Yes, *just* foreplay. *Just* mouths and hands.”
Yeah, I think my partner’s response was “Dude, if you’re going any further than foreplay you’re not doing it right.”
I love this so much.
TURN AMANDA PALMER DOWN GIRL
My man and I once gave away a TV on Craigslist for free, to the person submitting the best haiku. The winner was:
Clutching the remote
As tightly as a lover
Rapture in a box
Was not surprised when two lesbians came to pick the TV up.
I hate to be the one to push the likes past 69.
I can’t stop laughing at the expressions on the cats. Perfect.
The one on the left is baffled and the one on the right is like
I GOT MINE
The wet spot on the bed.
I am absolutely and silently dying of laughter at the first one.
It can only happen in a Subaru, is my understanding.
My goodness, I just bought a Subaru 2 months ago; have I been lesbian catnip all this time? *fans herself furiously! face flushing!
Yep. Look out. Just knowing this has made my lesbian antennae go up and my lesbian brain start thinking of pick-up lines based on your user name.
I’ve been meaning to trade my Subaru in for seven months but haven’t been able to decide what other Subaru to get or to make myself test drive something that is not a Subaru. I am such a cliche.
Hilarious and with an educational aspect at the end. Perfect! I did not know that about haikus.
Anna Pulley is tops!
Or bottoms, whichever she prefers. I’m sure she’s up for either, she seems open-minded that way.
Well played. And I’m lucky enough to know AP–she’s definitely game!
God, you ARE lucky.
More illustrations by Kelsey Beyer! More cats!! (someone pointed out the wet spot and now I’m dying)
GLOW IN THE DARK! I wish I was better at being gay.
hanging with a really good friend a while ago, when she was leaving, i was like “welp, i guess we’ve had sex now” and gestured to the pile of kleenex from the all the processing we’d done. there was much laughter.
Too good to waste on
Straight women and neophytes
I got things to do
in english the term is “mora”; the wikipedia page is interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mora_(linguistics)#J…
“it involves dream catchers”
Don’t give them all our secrets!
This is perfect. The picture, the haikus, and the exposition at the end regarding haikus. Anna Pulley yaaay.
This is perfect. The picture, the haikus, and the exposition at the end regarding haikus. Anna Pulley yaaay.
The haikus are awesome, and the picture just makes this whole thing utterly fantastic.
The haikus are awesome, and the picture just makes this whole thing utterly fantastic.
Bahahaha. I’m saving the first one in my mind for the next time I hear that.