If Fifty Shades of Grey Had Been Written by a Queer Lady, in Haiku

20 Comments

1. dorianneemmerton +92 February 25, 2015 5:24 pm

   “A bisexual
   is born and no one questions
   her identity.”

   What utopian science fiction is this?

   1. shellygrrl +6 February 25, 2015 9:39 pm

      IT’S A MIRACLE!

   2. neeelkomol +5 February 26, 2015 6:51 am

      My life 🙂

2. Räven +22 February 25, 2015 5:58 pm

   OMG release that kitty! (Wait, did that sound filthy? I don’t mean in a porn-y way.)

   1. dakimel +19 February 25, 2015 6:06 pm

      It’s only porn-y if you say release that pussy!

3. dakimel +26 February 25, 2015 6:10 pm

   Fifty Shades of Hay
   They gallop bareback
   And roll entangled in the hayloft
   But the crops stay below

   1. teerexington +5 February 27, 2015 4:52 am

      I saw that movie at the last queer film festival in town….

4. breakfastpumpkin +45 February 25, 2015 6:25 pm

   PAPYRUS!

   In my final year of my first undergrad degree, which was completed at a Bible school in rural Canada, I submitted all of my essays in Papyrus font on pale green paper, printed with an old dot matrix printer that was chronically low on ink. When one of my professors dared to suggest that this particular cluster of choices perhaps did not yield the most readable results, I responded by deciding to hate him forever.

   Now I’m an atheist who prints things in Calibri, black ink on bright white paper from a mid-range laser printer, and I don’t even remember which professor that was. I guess this is what passes for growing up.

   I do like being an atheist, though.

   ETA: I don’t mean to imply that it’s more grown-up to be an atheist. Losing my religion was part of growing up for me, but I was actually talking about how small acts of rebellion like arty fonts, coloured paper, and a certain cavalier attitude towards those who have to read my shit are things I used to indulge in and maybe kind of miss a bit now. Papyrus reminded me of that.

5. Natalie +18 February 25, 2015 6:58 pm

   POINT OF ORDER! Fannie Mae doesn’t deal in student loans. You’re thinking of Sallie Mae.

   Ok I’m done being a pedant.

   (I’m never done being a pedant.)

   1. WhatICantEven +8 February 25, 2015 8:16 pm

      I was going to post an “um, ACTUALLY..” comment along the same lines. You beat me to it!

6. aeosw +8 February 25, 2015 7:08 pm

   This is the best thing on the internet today. <3

7. Household_Opera +53 February 25, 2015 7:34 pm

   Fifty Shades of Parquet

   Two women argue
   over how to refinish
   the dining room floor.

8. Rosie +3 February 25, 2015 8:41 pm

   The perfect antidote to 50 Shades of Gray! Thank you!

9. shelly February 25, 2015 9:39 pm

   IT'S A MIRACLE!

10. TrinSF +22 February 26, 2015 3:49 am

    Fifty Shades of Ben-Gay

    Aikido students
    spar, then recoup together.
    Pain (cream) leads to love.

11. teerexington +6 February 27, 2015 4:53 am

    See, I’m glad somebody else understands about Fran Drescher. I’ve read all three of her books, which is usually a sign that I’m looking for gay subtext, gf doesn’t get it.

12. tgflux +6 February 27, 2015 5:47 am

    Um, are these 5-7-5? Just randoming choosing one (“Buffet”) it was 4-8-6. You can say absolutely anything in a haiku, but the syllables are Da Law.

13. idrathernot March 3, 2015 11:36 pm

    I love this.

14. idrathernot +3 March 3, 2015 11:38 pm

    More Anna Pulley queer haikus all the time!

15. Encuerada +2 July 9, 2015 6:08 pm

    I love this