The Eternal Peace, 532
“This should do it.”
The Fifty-Year Peace, 562
“Perhaps we were a bit too ambitious.”
Magna Carta, 1215
“One man in charge of everything? That’s absurd and despotic. There should be twenty-five men in charge of everything.”
Golden Bull, 1222
“You don’t have to listen to the king if you don’t really want to.”
Barons’ Letter, 1301
“The Pope can’t have Scotland.”
“Wait. Better not send it after all. Might upset him.”
Edict of Worms, 1521
“Nobody talk to Martin.”
Act of Supremacy, 1534
“The King is the head of the Church.”
Heresy Acts, 1554
“No, he isn’t.”
Act of Supremacy, 1559
“Yes, he bloody well is.”
Edict of Nante, 1598
“You can own a gun, even if you’re a Protestant.”
Calvin’s Case, 1608
“Scotsmen shouldn’t have to stay Scotsmen forever. That isn’t fair. Some of them can be Englishmen.”
Edict of 1626
“You have to listen to the king, even if you don’t really want to.”
Declaration of Independence, 1776
“Twenty-five Englishmen in charge of everything? Ridiculous. There should be 250 Englishmen in charge of everything.”
I can’t help it, I have to comment- Robin Hood was the Disney movie that defined my childhood and I will worship any post that has a picture of grumpy ol’ Prince John on the main page.
Even when reading actual English history books, my image of Prince John is always a scrawny lion sucking his thumb.
“The breezy and uneasy king of England
The snivellin’ grovellin’
Measly weasely
Blabberin’ jabberin’
Gibberin’ jabberin’
Blunderin’ plunderin’
Wheelin’ dealin’
Prince John, that phony king of England”
Too late to be known as John the First
He’s sure to be known as John the wooooorrsssstttttttttt!
A pox on that phony king of England!
A POX!! on that phony king of Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeengland!
something about how much I love cats but the scrawny lion sucking his thumb always tugged on my heartstrings pretty hard
oh hell it still does
I just don’t want any cats of any kind to be sad ever
My people. Just coming down to say exactly this. I have a Happy Meal toy of fox(y) Robin Hood on my nightstand TO THIS DAY.
Too Damn Many Of Them
“Everyone’s equal now! Well hold on, you don’t think we meant women or slaves, did you? Yeah like, everyone BUT them. And you don’t totally NEED to have lots of money, but…it couldn’t hurt if you know what we’re saying.”
“Universal”: the universe is only made up of rich white men, right? Yep, we’re good!
Cornerstone Speech:
“No really guys, owning black people is aces.”
Congress of Vienna, 1815
Can we all pretend Napoleon never existed? We can? Cool.
Your cunning attempt to provoke an “Actually, …” by leaving off the Peace of Westphalia is not going to work on THIS male commenter, no siree.
aaaaugh what about the Peace of Utrecht !?!?!?!?
I live in Utrecht and it was just a big anniversary of that, they were having cultural events to celebrate it which was cool.
I am glad that the people of Utrecht have something to celebrate!
I too noted the absence of my favorite treaty, but this is Mallory’s world and I acquiesce.
you know you’re reading the toast when someone refers to their “favorite treaty”
also when the little bar at the top of the page says http://the-toast.net
Declaration of Sentiments:
“Us too, boys. Except maybe not black women or hussies, but maybe black women and hussies, let’s just make our damn minds up and listen to Lucretia already.”
I don’t think there’s been a better-named deliberative body since the Diet of Worms but if anyone knows some contenders I’d love to hear them.
For the longest time (and I mean through high school, at least), I thought the Diet of Worms was some peculiar ascetic practice that Martin Luther went through. Like, not that he only ate worms, necessarily, but that maybe he ate SOME worms, supplemented with the occasional wormy biscuit.
Yes!
nobody likes it; everybody hates it
…sorry
There’s always the Synod of Dort, a.k.a. Nobody talk to Arminians.
I’m terrified that one day I’ll have to pronounce “Diet of Worms” out loud and I will accomplish no part of that task
I’m just going to say diet of worms and be at one with it.
you have to say it they way they say “Game of Thrones” in the promos tho
At the diet of worms, you win or…you eat some worms, I guess.
It’s not on any channels I get so I haven’t seen promos, but my plan is to shout it loudly and get louder, so something along the lines of dietofWOOOOOOOOOOOOOORMS!
The Easter Proclamation:
Communism, capitalism, whatever; we’ll figure it out later. Here’s a gun.
Fifteenth Amendment of the United States Constitution, 1870
Black men have the right to vote, as long as they aren’t able to actually do it. Definitely no women.
Nineteenth Amendment of the United States Constitution, 1920
Women can vote now. Well, the white ones, anyhoo.
Voting Rights Act of 1965
Everyone can vote!
Shelby County v. Holder, 2013
Okay, not really.
Treaty of Versailles, 1919:
That should fix things, probably.
“Welp, that should do the trick. Noooo room for discussion here!”
Where was the Toast when I was struggling through AP World History? Oh, the tests I might’ve passed.
“Nobody Talk to Martin” sounds like a fabulous idea for a sitcom.
Especially if it is in fact set in the 1500s.
Why are historical sitcoms not a thing? That is all I want to watch now.
Well, there is Blackadder, and…. Blackadder.
Sweet, that takes care of all the lectures I need to write for the rest of the semester!
U.S. Articles of Confederation, 1777:
We should try to, like, cooperate on stuff, if that’s okay.
U.S. Constitution, 1787:
No, seriously.
First ten amendments adopted, 1791:
Like this?!
Treaty of Paris, 1763:
France and England: “I think the colonies are going to be okay with this, look at us being so in touch with their needs!”
Especially if it is in fact set in the 1500s.
it's funny b/c it's true 🙁
I am glad that the people of Utrecht have something to celebrate!
Blackadder. You're welcome 🙂