“I think I’ll use the ice cream machine.”
“I can’t think of what to do with [final ingredient], so I figure I’ll just chop it up and throw it on top just before the end.”
“I believe that my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior will lead me to win.”
“I’ve never made this dish before, but…”
“I still have about five minutes left, so I’ve decided to make a sauce.”
Too much saffron
“I’ll just leave this under the broiler and be sure to take it off the heat before it starts burning.”
“Oh, no, I’ve cut my finger.”
The slightest sign of disagreement or back-talk after a judge offers a critique
“The deep fryer isn’t quite hot enough, but I don’t have time to wait.”
Finishing early, then just standing around
“A lot of people don’t know about sous-vide, but it’s a really warm water bath that allows you to cook something for a seemingly eternal amount of time…”
“So I go to the pantry, and I see some lentils, and I think they would make a great addition to the dish. There’s only twenty minutes left, but I think that’s enough time to cook them thoroughly.”
“Wait, who’s using the Robot Coupe??”
Serving an entree-sized appetizer dish, or worse; an appetizer-sized entree
“I know I’m up against three professional chefs, but I’ve been cooking since I was eight years old. I’ve got this.”
Being a pastry chef
“I’ve never worked with this ingredient before, so I’ll just figure out what to do with it at the end.”
“I figured I’d be able to camouflage it with artistic plating.”
Truffle oil
“The meat isn’t quite done, but it’ll finish cooking out of the oven if I put enough sauce on it.”
“I think I have enough time to make a bread pudding in thirty minutes.”
Interrupting Alex Guarnaschelli while she’s talking.
Tags: chopped, competitive cooking tropes, imminent danger, loss
“I can’t think of what to do with [final ingredient], so I figure I’ll just chop it up and throw it on top just before the end.”
oh my god I had this exact conversation with my roommate literally yesterday
why would you do this, contestant, never do this
NEVER CROSS GUARNASCHELLI.
The people who finish 5 minutes early always baffle me. Like, what did you forget? Clearly you forgot something.
My favorite disasters are when both contestants want to use the ice cream machine but obviously only one can, so the other goes “I can make it work in the blast chiller.” No. No, you can’t. Nope. *popcorn.gif*
THE BLAST CHILLER NEVER WORKS THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO, PEOPLE
On The Great British Bake Off this year, they had to make baked Alaska on what was, we were repeatedly reminded, The Hottest Day Of The Year. One candidate took another’s ice cream out of the freezer, it melted, and he threw it in the bin in frustration. The British public did not take it well. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-289…
Alex Guarnaschelli is my favorite forever. Anyone who interrupts her deserves to be chopped.
(I mean “chopped” metaphorically, except in extreme cases.)
I like her too. I think it was her that I heard on the Alton Brown podcast and it was really weird, though. Like, super intimate? Like, maybe they had been romantically involved in the past? Or something? It was so weird and I felt like I was intruding by listening to it.
YES YES YES I had to stop listening after a few minutes.
I’m SO glad I didn’t imagine that!
I’m sure that’s just her natural eyelid shape, but she’s always come across as heavily medicated, as though she’s about to drop her head into that plate of hastily-fashioned coq au vin.
“I’m a vegan cook.”
I swear they give the vegans baskets of black pudding, sweetbreads, ox tails & beef stock just to entertain me.
“I am a vegan/raw/organic chef and refuse to use this basket ingredient because it goes against what I stand for” (have you ever SEEN this show??)
Risotto.
How do they mess up risotto?? It’s so delicious
Usually in that they don’t have near enough time to cook it properly (unless you get it on the stove right away, 30 minutes is cutting it real close for a decent risotto.
“This [non-vegan ingredient] is prepared completely wrong. Did you even taste it?”
“Of course not. I’m vegan.”
OK BYE!
Truffle oil yesss. The death rattle, truly.
Also I think TVTropes has a page on Chopped that includes each of the judge’s weird pet peeves (NEVER GARNISH FOR CHEF SANTOS), and it always astounds me that contestants don’t memorize that before going on.
See also: red onions
Yeah, you know, if there’s one thing that Chopped has taught me, it’s that the the lord Jesus Christ does not particularly care who wins Chopped.
Jesus is more of a MasterChef Junior kinda deity.
“I just like seeing how excited all those kids get! It’s great!” — Jesus
“Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kitchen of heaven.” — Gordon Ramsay
Heathen!
also, Aarón Sánchez can GET IT
I am going to eat at Johnny Sanchez (his restaurant with John Besh) this afternoon, and I am super-excited.
IF SCOTT CONANT IS A JUDGE STOP PUTTING CHEESE ON FISH AND PUT YOUR RAW ONION BACK IN YOUR POCKET, HAVEN’T YOU WATCHED THIS SHOW
Cheese on fish makes me gag so I feel like I’d make an excellent judge on Chopped.
I was just about to say, no RAW RED ONION if Scott’s the chef!
And salt your damn pasta water. Jaysus.
Ok, but that should just be all the time.
“I feel really confident in my dish.”
I knew someone who was on an episode of Chopped! Am I famous now?
Absolutely!
Guernaschelli and Amanda Freitag both have replied to me on Twitter, which I am quite sure makes me famous and also their best friend forever.
I do too! FAMOUS BUDDIES
Me too! (Actually, I’m good friends with one and have had conversations with another.)
I do too! He was a coworker (chef at a bar/restaurant I used to do events for)… he was also on Beat Bobby Flay. Second-hand famous 🙂
“I don’t believe that a dessert should be too sweet.”
Using pink peppercorns
“I like my food SPICY.”
also, “My pan/grill wasn’t hot enough”
This happens so often that I wonder if producers are sabotaging the chefs with malfunctioning stoves…
I just watched that a few days ago!
Don’t watch this show, but it sounds more or less like Top Chef?
Frozen scallops were always the death knell on that show.
It’s like… OK, it’s like Top Chef Speed Round. Each round, the chefs get a basket of varied ingredients and must incorporate all of them in their dish. Four chefs make an appetizer, one gets cut. Three chefs make an entree, one gets cut. Two chefs make a dessert, one gets cut, the other wins some money. They’re typically not as good as Top Chef contestants, and usually at least one of them a) forgets an ingredient or b) doesn’t cook meat or seafood all the way through.
They are the reason that Ted Allen isn’t on Top Chef anymore, which makes me sad, but it is a very soothing show. New contestants every episode, pretty much no drama, and every basket always has one crazy weird ingredient that is either out of left field or just completely out of line with the rest of the ingredients in the basket. It’s basically three elimination quickfires in a row.
It’s the world’s best laundry-folding now and I mean that as a total compliment.
Also excellent for getting ready in the morning and dusting. I am so glad to see it on Netflix instant!
Oh god, anytime someone heads towards the ice cream machine it’s like Catelyn Stark finding the chainmail on Roose Bolton’s sleeve and then the Rains of Castamere starting. The poor, doomed souls.
YES!
I have been known to shout at the television about this: NO! Not the ICE CREAM MACHINE! You arrogant, beautiful fool! No One Survives the ICE CREAM MACHINE!
I…I have feelings.
They’re like horror movie protagonists who insist on splitting up to cover more ground.
“My back story is the second most tragic.”
Also, the arguing/backtalk thing really astounds me. These people have clearly watched this show.
There’s never been a case where the judge goes, “This was a bad idea!” and the contestant goes, “No! It was a good idea because [stupid rationale]!” where the judge then proceeds to say, “Oh, yeah! I guess that was a great idea! Thank you for explaining to me why I don’t hate your dish! I am totally won over by your dish now.”
Also, mentioning your Tragic Backstory gives you a +10 bonus to advance to the next round.
But there’s a tipping point, I’ve noticed. If your backstory is TOO tragic, they over-correct and don’t advance you because they don’t want to look like they’re advancing you because of your Tragic Backstory.
(I have actually been near tears when some Tragic Backstory people have been chopped. I am not sure how I feel about that facet of my personality.)
My friend was on Chopped and all the other contestants had tragic backstories involving cancer or addiction, and he was just being sort of an asshole the whole time talking about getting drunk and partying and what-have-you. It was sort of hilarious.
Is it that mentioning your Tragic Backstory gets you advanced, or do they just edit out the Tragic Backstories of the losing contestants?
Pretty sure I saw a dude use a ghost pepper as a garnish once. That was a poor decision
Was that the same episode where the other contestant forgot to pull out the chunks of ghost pepper she had cooked in her {whatever}? That shit was amazing.
The woman from the Halloween competition? I kind of know her! She’s a friend-of-a-friend and when they were showing the reruns, we talked via mutual friend’s FB status. I felt so bad for her. 🙁
The whole thing was a nightmare! Everyone on the panel was like, “I ALMOST DIED!!!!” Yikes. I (now) feel like the best course of action for working with ghost peppers in a pressure situation is just to say no thanks, and hope someone else undercooks their chicken or whatever else would be the kiss of death.
“I’m [world-famous michelin starred chef]’s sous chef/executive chef/personal protege” also seems to be a contestant killer. As soon as someone namedrops their big-name connection it’s like a timer starts going.
“I know this dish usually takes 45 minutes to an hour to finish properly, but I know how to defy the laws of physics to allow water to soak into a grain/meat to cook through/water to boil at a lower temperature/water to freeze at a higher temperature, so I’ll be fine.”
Maybe they’ll get magic grits
Rice. They always fuck up rice. And pasta (usually because they wait till they have 5 minutes left and forget that while the pasta might cook in 5 minutes, the water won’t boil that fast)
Meanwhile, the secret seems to be a soubise. Whatever you’re doing, see if you can shove a soubise in there. See also: bread sauce and melting down the candy to make some sort of sweet vinegar sauce, whatever the name for that is.
If an ingredient seems to have a fibrous-y membrane (eel skin, sweet breads, liver, etc.) TAKE THAT THING THE HELL OFF.
GASTRIQUE which I think loosely translates to “an acid sauce/reduction but not TOO SOUR also you can totally make it with Watermelon Gummies”
This is one of the few shows that have always been set to record on our DVR. Until the “EVERY. SIMPSONS. EVER.” marathon wiped everything else off of there, we had hundreds of back-stocked episodes.
We actually made up a Chopped BINGO board. I don’t remember all of the items, but some included:
Someone serves raw red onion to Scott Conant.
Chris Santos’ plate is missing one element of the dish.
One of the judges describes a dish as “bracingly acidic.”
Someone forgets their food in the blast chiller/oven/fryer/anti-griddle.
Why always poor Chris Santos?
My bingo board would just have one square that says “this [fish/chicken/steak] is undercooked.”
My friend lost Chopped because he couldn’t find a springform pan. Tragedy!
Ugh yeeessss, someone who agrees with my ice cream theory.
All you Chopped fans should watch Cutthroat Kitchen (1st season is on Netflix). It’s like Chopped BUT you can buy sabotages in auctions (like replacing an opponent’s cheese for a grilled cheese sandwich challenge with cheese wiz, or forcing someone to cook their omelette on the bottom of their pan). Each player starts with $25k and you only win whatever money you have left at the end. It’s also got snarky Alton Brown as the host, who is often making faces of sheer disgust at the stuff the contestants cook (seriously, almost all the food looks horrible).
My favorite part is always when the male chefs get in a dick-swinging contest during the auctions, and their female competitor is just looking at them like, what is wrong with you dummies? It is the best show to yell at.
Oh god, Cutthroat Kitchen gives me such agita unless it’s the All-Stars or whatever. For some reason I can take “celebrity chefs” being a dick to each other, but not “regular people.”
I LOVE Cutthroat Kitchen!
One thing I have really enjoyed about Cutthroat Kitchen is that everyone at least seems to realize it’s all part of the game and doesn’t get too shitty with each other. Though I did see one Chef who was just a mean-spirited jerkwad, but fortunately he didn’t win.
Except. The men all sabotage each other but the woman is almost inevitably eliminated first.
I mean, yeah it’s fun and I adore Alton Brown, but I can only take so much at once.
Did anyone see last night’s rerun where Scott Conant got incredibly offended by the way the contestant BUTCHERED HER FISH? That was so bizarre.
I’ve also seen one episode where one of the contestants came in, clearly had never watched the show before, and was just FULL of snark and I think literally said “I’m not here to make friends,” backtalked the judges, etc. It was hilarious! Come on, Chopped is not that kind of show. The judges were like “whut” and chopped her pretty quickly, as I recall.
Oh man. I think I totally remember that second episode. Is that the same contestant who also said her competitor’s food looked like shit?
THIS ISN’T RUPAUL’S BEST FRIENDS RACE
I remember her! she was like “vegan chef to the stars” or some nonsense. I believe she also told the judges that her food was the healthiest and that sometimes healthy stuff doesn’t taste good, so [suck it]?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF FOOD THAT DOESN’T TASTE GOOD
Why the hell would you pay stupid amounts of money for someone to cook you food that doesn’t taste good and snap at you about it? Surely the job of a personal chef is to use their professional expertise to prepare food that both meets a tailored criteria (e.g. “healthy”) and is palatable?
I can cook food that doesn’t taste good my own damn self, that’s why I pay other people to cook for me.
Also, there’s a “best of” season of Chopped on Netflix now.
yesssss
where are you? I just searched Chopped and came up empty.
I’m in NJ – it was totally there when I looked this weekend, and added it to my ‘to watch’ list (along with Good Eats and Cupcake Wars), but I can’t remember its exact name right now.
I just found out that my IP changing thingie has been lying to me and showing me Canadian Netflix while claiming that I look like I’m in the states. So that explains it.
Relevant to my interests!
Last night there was a pastry chef who made an ice cream in the dessert round! And she won! I was convinced she would lose. She even cut herself! Also there was a dramatic foreshadowing moment/fancy camerawork where she put her meat out of sight and I was like “Oh no she’s going to forget it!!.” but she didn’t. Maybe it was her starting attitude of “Oh man I am way out of element here, There is NO WAY I’m going to win” and “this is legitimately confusing to me” every time she got past a round.
Alex is the BEST, all kinds of feminist. She’s always being like, “bitch, don’t call this dish feminine that doesn’t even make sense” (that was to another judge – maybe Aaron?) or just generally willing to seem bitchy in order to call men out on their disgusting misogyny. That in particular is an element of feminism that I would like to cultivate in myself.
Exactly. She is never, ever, ever cowed. She calls the men out on shit when it happens and will not back down from an argument or play nice or keep the peace. She does not pretend to agree with people when she doesn’t. She is opinionated and that is just fine because she also completely knows her stuff.
Watching her argue with Geoffrey Zakarian and tell him he’s wrong is a highlight of many episodes. Not that I necessarily dislike Geoffrey, but watching Alex OWN is so fun.
It’s like all the good parts of Top Chef without the drama or in-fighting. Some of the contestants will share really personal things about their past when asked why they want to win, but mostly it’s just about the food.
I just finished watching the Top Chef Duels series and it was pretty great, as they mostly just focused on cooking good food, plus it was all already established chefs so there really weren’t any ‘bad’ dishes.
Alex is my #1 celebrity crush. You guys. I LOVE HER.
This hour long video of Alex saying endearing yet cutting things about food is great but if you don’t have a whole hour skip to 7:45 and listen to the really short bit about her college experience. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xa8YnusB1hM
The surest sign, by far, is when you induce Alex Guarnaschelli to make here “Who farted?” face.
Thank you so much for that link. I appreciate it so much. Oh my God.
It is really nice to know there are other people with total crushes on her.
I clearly need to watch more Chopped.
Been watching Cutthroat Kitchen lately and while it is entertaining the almost surefire way to know who is going to be eliminated first is simple – Is there only one woman? Is the judge for this episode a man? Then, yep. It’s the woman.
Chopped is the EXACT SAME WAY. My husband and I used to play a game when it came on, “Which minority will go first?”
Every episode has these four candidates: The POC, The Lady, The Pale Macho Pro, and The Pale Macho Washout. Usually the POC goes in the first round, unless she’s a twofer (WOC), then they save her for the final round. The Lady goes in round two, usually because she “just didn’t do enough with X”. And then, of course, the Pro steamrolls the Washout in the last round. If The Lady is a Pro sometimes she gets chopped in the first round, others, they save her for last.
I think I’ve seen hundreds of episodes. I can remember two women and one actual POC winning.
This is part of the reason why I loved the New Orleans episode with Ms. Linda winning.
I cried when Ms. Linda won, I am not ashamed.
“I never cook with processed food, only farm fresh ingredients” (Do you not watch the show? Why are you surprised to get Spam and gummy worms?!)
Chris Santos gives them a firm talking to or pep talk during the judging
The judges hide their eyes or wince during the cooking part
“I’ve never used this complicated piece of equipment before”
“I want to win so I can buy my girl/boyfriend an engagement ring”
(Can I just say that this post fills my heart with joy – I’m so glad that other people on the Internet love this show as much as I do)
I have never seen this before, partly because my love for RuPaul’s Drag Race has made me completely ignore the existence of every other competition-based reality show, but clearly I need to watch this one.
Last thing I need to say about Chopped – I have never gotten over Aaron saying in one episode, “Plantain is actually a root vegetable.”
I think he was probably trying to say you have to treat it like a root vegetable, but it was a serious moment of, “Wait, what?!”
Also any time someone makes a dessert. It is always either
– too sweet
– not sweet enough
WHAT DO YOU WANT, JUDGES
WHAT
DO
YOU
WANT
“This didn’t set up the way I wanted it to, so I’m going to spoon it on the anti-griddle and hope for the best.”
Oh god, the anti-griddle is worse than the blast chiller.
THE ANTI-GRIDDLE NEVER WORKS.
Okay, is something wrong with my Netflix?
Comments tell me that Chopped and Cutthroat Kitchen are both on Netflix. And yet, I see neither.
You live in Canada, right? Netflix Canada is a barren wasteland of sadness and failure. Download the ZenMate Chrome app, it tells Netflix your IP address is in America!
See, I use an IP masker already. One that I even pay for. But apparently it has been lying to me about it’s effectiveness, because I just installed that one and bam! US Netflix.
My husband used to do the transcription of the episodes before they were edited. Seeing all the takes and the behind the scenes chummy conversations of the judges and hearing Ted continually fuck up his lines even though they are the same lines in every episode? Yuss.
How do you get this job I would like this job please and thank you.
Did anyone watch Chopped Canada this year? I really loved watching perpetually sunshiney Michael Smith turn critical, and Susur Lee was amazing as a judge.
Plus, a lot of female contestants won, and all of the judges were so good at super polite put-downs.
Canadian Chopped is hilarious. The judges are so *nice*.
Chopped Canada is great.
Marcus Samuelsson <3 I would watch him judge people while smiling and cooking Ethiopian-Swedish fusion cusine anytime!
Wait, what? http://redroosterharlem.com/menus/
I’d watch him cook the food he serves at Red Rooster, too, but I was thinking more along the lines of this (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764569112/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=1944687582&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0618109412&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1C4FT92W4RV0027XRPBQ) and this (http://www.amazon.com/Aquavit-And-New-Scandinavian-Cuisine/dp/0618109412).
Ooh, I had no idea he did that sort of stufF!
Is anyone else ready for french toast — wait, I’m sorry, PAIN PERDU — to be banned from dessert rounds altogether? There have been at least 982349247 of them.
“One of my options is SOMETHING BREADLIKE and it’s a dessert round? SOAK IT IN A CUSTARD.”
I’ll add “I’ve never butchered a fish before”. For some reason this seems to catch women a lot? It made me have a lot of thoughts about French culinary schools (which seem to turn out impeccable seafood-dismemberers, also lots of men) and the culture around meat and cooking and gender. It also made me want to yell TAKE A BUTCHERING COURSE BEFORE YOU GET ON THE SHOW at everyone.
If you haven’t watched the food cart episode with the Nong from Portland you need to right now. They’re all really good at cooking under pressure and all their meals are really good. And both make ice cream and it works!!!
I JUST THOUGHT OF ANOTHER ONE
Clean your motherlovin’ SHRIMPS, people, those judges hone in on a sand vein at freaking ludicrous speed.
No one who has ever left an ingredient off of their plate has ever made it through to the next round, right? That’s an instant chopped? Like one contestant forgot the sauce and the next contestant serves Scott Conant his own child and the person who forgot the sauce is chopped?
They’ve let them through a few times, but the rest of the dish has to be basically perfect and someone has to screw up really badly for it to happen.
I’ve seen a couple episodes where someone left out a basket ingredient and moved on but it’s rare and someone else has to really mess up – get blood on the plates or cut vegetables on the same cutting board they cut raw chicken – something where the judges can’t actually eat the food.
I believe I saw it happen once, but that person was chopped immediately on the next round (as I recall). It’s not an AUTOMATIC out, Ted has said many times, but you’d better hope your fellow contestants are actively trying to poison the judges. And not trying to disguise the poison. Maybe putting the poison in a gastrique. (Gastriques never, ever go over well. Which, um. Something that is pronounced “gas streak” had better be executed flawlessly.)
But even if you go on to the next round, you are not going to win, most likely. Because at the end, when they’re considering your meal as a whole, that’s going to weigh heavily against you.
Honestly, lately we’ve been remarking how someone else always seems to screw up worse, and that person ends up hanging around. It’s odd. Some of the most ridiculous crap seems to get excused. Someone forgets their pasta altogether, but because the other contestant, like, didn’t cook their pasta correctly, they get to stay. I can see no pasta being better than bad pasta for Scott, but come on.
Misnaming your dish to make it sound more impressive is a big one – if you call something a ‘mole’ because your sauce has chocolate in it to Aaron Sanchez, your shit is ruined.
Sure sign they’re going to win the whole thing: using bacon in at least one dish and mascarpone in the dessert.
“The deep fryer isn’t quite hot enough, but I don’t have time to wait.”
This happened inThe Great British Bake Off, sort of – the person’s deep-fat fryer apparently turned itself off. Her food did not turn out well.
…well, I am glad I did not pitch you guys that Chopped piece I was thinking of pitching after marathoning this on Netflix for four days straight.
And YES to the cursed ice cream machine being the only sure-fire kiss of death. It will not come out of the spigot, and you will have to scoop it out, and it will be dense/grainy and everyone will hate it.
Also:
-Take those bones out of the fish. No, all of them. With tweezers. Now go over it again just to make sure. If there is a single bone, it will find its way into a judge’s mouth and they will say “I could have CHOKED.”
-Before using the red pepper, make sure the lid is screwed on REAL tight and that some intern has not loosened it in a fit of spite.
-That’s not a carpaccio. Don’t call it a carpaccio.
-Avoid any dishes whose appearance could invite a comparison to cat food.
-Do no’t look Amanda Freitag directly in the eye or you will turn to stone.
-Resist putting that mint leaf on your dessert just for color. It looks like a bad catering garnish, and they WILL call you out on it.
I love this and I love Chopped and I love Mallory.
I’ve started yelling at the screen.
Contestant: Well, I’ve never made ice cream before, but it’s what this dish needs so I guess we’ll see how it goes.
Me: What? No! The machine is going to seize up and you are going to lose.
Seriously. Is the ice cream machine sabotaged? It seems like every time someone goes to use it it malfunctions in some way and their ice cream winds up too icy, too churned, stuck in the machine, or some other calamity.
And why do they not watch all the prior episodes before they compete? I know one contestant mentioned that he learned how to deal with lamb frys by watching Chopped, but so many other people seem to be unaware of the judges quirks etc that it is clear that they haven’t watched very much.
I don’t get the contestants that don’t seem to be familiar with Chopped – it seems like they’d do their homework and watch some episodes ahead of time, even if they’re not regulars. And you only have to watch a few episodes to figure out the danger of the ice cream maker.
Truffle salt too, for the truffle side of things.
Honestly, lately we've been remarking how someone else always seems to screw up worse, and that person ends up hanging around. It's odd. Some of the most ridiculous crap seems to get excused. Someone forgets their pasta altogether, but because the other contestant, like, didn't cook their pasta correctly, they get to stay. I can see no pasta being better than bad pasta for Scott, but come on.
The truffle oil is basically just there as a trap.
The truffle oil is basically just there as a trap.
THANK. YOU. THIS IS MY BIGGEST PEEVE ON THIS SHOW.
CREPES. Dear gods above, it’s like watching someone go into the basement in a horror movie. DON’T MAKE CREPES.
“I’m going to season this very aggressively.”
Undersalting.
Being a woman in the last round when the other contestant is a man.