Bible Verses Where “Thou Shalt Not” Has Been Replaced By “can u not” -The Toast

Previously: Bible Verses Where The Word “Philistines” Has Been Replaced With “Haters.”

Genesis 2:17
“But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, can u not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.”

Genesis 17:15
“And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, can u not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be.”

Genesis 22:12
“Can u not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Can u not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”

Exodus 20:4
“Mmm can u not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.”

Exodus 20:13
“can u not kill.”

Exodus 20:14
“Adultery: can u not.”

Exodus 20:15
“Can u not steal.”

Exodus 20:16
“can u not bear false witness against thy neighbour.”

Exodus 20:17
“Can u not covet thy neighbour’s house, can u not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s. can u just not.”

Exodus 22:18
“Please can u not suffer a witch to live.”

Leviticus 19:29
“can u not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become full of wickedness.”

2 Kings 6:22
“And he answered, can u not smite them?”

Jeremiah 14:21
“For the sake of your name can u not despise us; can u not dishonor your glorious throne?”

Matthew 4:7
“Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Can u not tempt the Lord thy God?”

Matthew 6:5
“And when you pray, can u not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.”

Matthew 7:1
“can u not judge, lest ye be judged.”

John 13:8
“Peter said unto him, can u not wash my feet?

Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me.”

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

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+90 Vote up Vote down

jekyllian 141p · 535 weeks ago

i'd read 'the bible: mallory ortberg edition', just saying.

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+43 Vote up Vote down

Jim · 535 weeks ago

Poor Peter - the guy was just really sensitive about his one weird toe.

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+25 Vote up Vote down

Samk12345 114p · 535 weeks ago

i can't even

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1 reply · active 535 weeks ago

+61 Vote up Vote down

Unreadaethel 127p · 535 weeks ago

And Jesus returned unto his disciples, but they were weary, and had fallen asleep. He beheld them sleeping and said, "guys, can u not?"

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+22 Vote up Vote down

Snezsa 0p · 535 weeks ago

I hast lol'd.

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+40 Vote up Vote down

aqwaplop 143p · 535 weeks ago

“Mmm can u not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.”

Is this "Mmm" left over from an abandoned "Bible verses delivered by Bill Lumbergh" article?

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