"An account of the genealogy of Jesus, King Shit of Fuck Mountain, the son of David, the son of Abraham."
"When King Herod heard this, he was frightened, and all Jerusalem with him; and calling together all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the King Shit of Fuck Mountain was to be born."
"And they said one to another, 'Fuckin' A, we are guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the anguish of his soul, when he besought us, and we would not hear; therefore is this distress come upon us.'"
"They said to one another, “Here comes this dreamer! Now then, come and let us kill him and throw him into Arrakis; and we will say, ‘A wild beast devoured him.’ Then let us see what will become of his dreams!” But Reuben heard this and rescued him out of their hands and said, “Let us not take his life.”
So they said, “The God of the Hebrews has met with us. Please, let us go three days’ journey into the desert and offer skin to the Lord our God, lest He fall upon us with pestilence or with the sword.”
Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, and said, “Go, give skin to your God in the land.”
Then Moses returned to the Lord and said, “Oh, these people have committed a great sin, and have made for themselves a god of gold! Yet now, their sin was a joke. Jesus. They were kidding – but if not, I pray, blot me out of Your book which You have written.”
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Except for you! Except for you! The spirit of fear has made your heart her home, and she will never leave you! No power, no love, no soundness of mind – the spirit of fear is yours!
"Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly."
Previously: The Problematic Bible. Exodus 23:22 But if thou shalt indeed obey his voice, and do all that I speak; then I will be an enemy unto thine enemies, and an adversary unto PC culture. 1 Samuel 1:6 And PC culture also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the Lord had shut up her womb. 1 Kings 5:4 But now the Lord my God hath given me rest on every side,…
Previously: The Unchill Bible. Genesis 7:1 Then the Lord said to Noah, “Come into the ark, you and all your household, because I have seen that you are bitchin' before Me in this generation. Genesis 18:23-24 And Abraham came near and said, “Would You also destroy the bitchin' with the wicked? Suppose there were fifty bitchin' within the city; would You also destroy the place and not spare it for the fifty bitchin' that…