Pilot G-Tec pen, $3.95, Officemax. CPU: $.19 per overwrought diary entry.
Garlic press, $10.00, Ikea. CPU: $2.50 per clove. (Lost part of it after one use.)
UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs T-shirt, $15.00, UC Santa Cruz Bookstore. CPU: $7.50 per wear. Funnier in theory.
No Run! tights, $18.00. CPU: $18 per wear. Got a run.
Cream bejeweled turban from Brooklyn Flea, $20.00. CPU: $.005 per stare in the mirror. $2 per reassuring thought that am kind of lady who can pull off a turban. Someday.
Vapour Organic Beauty mesmerize eyeliner in truffle, $22.00. CPU: $4.50 per eye. Got pinkeye after second use.
Vintage overalls, $25.00, General 54. CPU: $1 per compliment from cute redhead in Swedish clogs. -$1 per man repelled.
Copy of Capital in the 21st Century, $26.00. CPU: $.076 per impressed sidelong glance at coffee table from guests.
Boyfriend Sweater, trendy Argentinian clothing shop in Palermo, $29 Argentinian Dollars. CPU: $0. (Stole from boyfriend. Now husband.)
Vintage romper, $30.00, Print Fine Vintage. CPU: $.25 per date night. (Would be even lower but husband says he will put in Vitamix if worn one more time.)
Nautical-themed maternity swimsuit, Etsy, $35.00. CPU: $17.50 per trimester, or 8.75 considering swimming for two. .00009 per underwater chuckle at irony of having swimsuit covered in tiny anchors when body feels like massive buoy.
Vitamix, $540. CPU: $.87 per kale smoothie. (Would have been more but motor destroyed by blended romper.)
Vintage gold wedding dress, $800, Refinery. CPU: $800 per wear. $20 per intention to wear to Chipotle “just for a laugh.”
BLVD Interiors Grey Sectional found on Craigslist, $1200. CPU: $1 per bum cheek. .07 per baby barf. $2 per misguided effort to read Capital in the 21st Century after 8 PM and subsequent catnap.
Ford C-Max Hybrid, $32,000. CPU: $1,000.03 per unsolicited smug exposition on merits of electric mode to neighbors.
Three copies of Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has the Time, $0 (Gifted this book by various concerned parties). CPU:27 million units of guilt per fretful, procrastinatory glance.
Introductory restorative yoga 10-class card, $200, Union Yoga. CPU: $200 per class.
Plot in synagogue cemetery, $1,000 (included in cost of annual dues). CPU: $100 per pseudo-spiritual moment of contemplation of own mortality while listening to Rabbi’s thoughtful sermon and making mental Costco list.
Pouf, $40, Target. CPU: .000008 per resting of mismatched, socked feet. .0005 per toddler jump. .0000001 per satisfied utterance of the word pouf.
Tags: business, humor, money, sarah lazarovich, shopping
This is a fun game I play all the time w most of my possessions 🙂
I used to play it every day when I was walking home from work to save money (and also because let’s face it, Manhattan is fun to wander about in). It helped me feel better about the $1300/month I was spending on rent.
I do this all the time, too, especially if I’m buying something I don’t need but waaaaant (see: the pristine 1967 Spirograph I just bought off eBay for $31, because HOURS of soothing enjoyment). And the reverse to talk myself into taking on extra work I would otherwise be too overcommitted to do: with the money I earn by taking on this ridiculous freelance job, I can buy three lunches at a trendy downtown restaurant.
that pouf painting is beautiful!! (& now I want a pouf.)
Someday we will all be able to accept that trying to keep a pair of tights from getting a run is as futile and inhumane as trying to keep an old sailor from the sea, but today is not that day.
I’m pretty sure you meant to say “men repelled: priceless”
I LOVE MY BANANA SLUG TSHIRT.
Of course, I matriculated from UCSC, which means I get to include smirking back at people who laugh at it because they never spent a few years lolling about in a redwood forest overlooking the Pacific and taking classes for which I would not be given a grade in my CPU.
maybe I am just tragically domestic, but I thought this was beautiful
I love that (painting of the) romper and chuckled heartily at your husband’s feeble threats.
I think the truffle eyeliner should have been $5.50 per eye, otherwise there are 4 dollars unaccounted for… unless you got 8/9ths of the way around one of your eyes the third time, remembered the pinkeye, and immediately stopped. In which case, carry on.
I think the truffle eyeliner should have been $5.50 per eye, otherwise there are 4 dollars unaccounted for… unless you got 8/9ths of the way around one of your eyes the third time, remembered the pinkeye, and immediately stopped. In which case, carry on.
CPU calculations are the only way I can justify the amount of money I spend at Sephora. (“Okay, I know this tube of primer is $35, but I only use a TEENY DAB at a time, so it will last me at least six months even if I use it daily, so think how cheap that is per day! It’s pennies! I’m being fiscally responsible.”)
Here I thought a “pouf” was the thing you use to make your body wash all sudsy in the shower.
It’s that too. A pouf is a rich tapestry.
I do this all the time, too, especially if I'm buying something I don't need but waaaaant (see: the pristine 1967 Spirograph I just bought off eBay for $31, because HOURS of soothing enjoyment). And the reverse to talk myself into taking on extra work I would otherwise be too overcommitted to do: with the money I earn by taking on this ridiculous freelance job, I can buy three lunches at a trendy downtown restaurant.
Now I’m doing this for all my things…I think the $20 space heater has the lowest cpu.
Also I really want a pouf now. “See my new pouf?” “Oh just put your feet up on the pouf””Do you think I need a new pouf to go with this pouf?”
Chutiyapa
I was told there would be no math.