IF ALL GOES WELL (why wouldn’t they go well? Except for all the times things have gone less than well in the past) I will have the keys to my new house in the next hour or two. I am too nervous to write anything. Please use this open thread to talk about any and all of the following:

– Why I shouldn’t have bought a house in the first place

– The worst or most interesting roommate/landlord stories you hold in your possession

– What a person who has just bought a house but doesn’t know how to run a house should consider buying at some sort of home goods store

– Just real bad real estate/rental horror stories full of bugs and toxic radon mold that will scare me but also reassure me

– Links to massive country estates I could have purchased in Tehachapi or just outside of Butte if I’d been willing to live off the land for the same price

– Fun stories about easy and profitable real estate deals/how to become a mogul by purchasing one modest-sized California home

Thank you for your time. *chews hands off in anticipation*