Previously: The king who wanted to marry his daughter.
goodnight room
goodnight moon
goodbye moon
no, I didn’t say –
goodbye room
I only said goodnight –
goodbye, cow jumping over the moon
goodnight, not goodbye
goodbye, light
it isn’t time yet, it isn’t time
say goodbye
no, it’s only goodnight still
goodbye to the red balloon
goodbye, bears
goodbye, chairs
goodbye kittens
and goodbye mittens
I didn’t say goodbye, it isn’t real if I’ve still only said goodnight –
goodbye hands
it isn’t fair
goodbye, phone
and goodbye, home
goodbye friends, goodbye alone
no, it isn’t time yet
Goodbye, clocks
not yet not yet not yet
and goodbye, socks
you’re cheating
you’re cheating and I’ve never cheated and it isn’t fair
when the clocks go, the time goes
where does time fly? out the window
I’m only sleeping, it’s only sleep, you can’t –
goodbye windows, goodbye house
soon they won’t see you about
GOODNIGHT, COMB
AND GOODNIGHT, BRUSH
goodbye nobody
nobody goodbye
goodbye, Nobody
and – goodnight – Nobody
hello, Nobody
AND GOODNIGHT MUSH
nobody nobody
AND GOODNIGHT TO THE OLD LADY WHISPERING “HUSH”
goodbye stars
goodbye air
GOODNIGHT NOI –
goodbye noises everywhere
Tags: books, children’s stories made horrific, goodnight moon
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Hilary Mantel’s Wolf Hall
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
goodbye my sanity, Jesus, Mallory.
Dude, with the essay by the husband of the woman dying of cancer, with my dog getting visibly more infirm, with a breast biopsy coming up, with a weird trip on nitrous at the dentist’s office – I had this intense Matrix kind of dream where none of this matters, it’s all an illusion, but my God, the children- this story is very apt for me today. It’s just like the best topper of this morbid week. I mean, if we’re stuck in the shit, we should at least laugh, right? Even if it’s a nervous laugh. Thanks, Mallory. (Sincerely!)
Hope the biopsy goes well. I will be thinking of you.
Best of luck with your results.
Does this make anyone else think of Aldnoah Zero? http://aldnoahzero.wikia.com/wiki/Moon
No, but it does make me think of Faustus’s final speech. Run slowly, slowly, horses of the night.
Jesus everloving Christ, Mallory, it is too damn early for this.
More of a bedtime story, yeah, true.
Shit, now *I’m* going to be the one who needs a nightlight.
BRB, throwing away all of our copies of this.
I would scream but it seems that I can no longer make a sound.
It’s the mouse, isn’t it? IT WAS ALWAYS THE MOUSE.
Shifty motherfucker
MOTHERHOOD: RUINED. I’ll be slowly rocking in a corner if anyone needs me.
Oh my God, I am SO not reading this to my two year-old tonight. I don’t care how much she asks for “Moon.”
No kidding. This is one of my son’s favorites right now, but it might get *accidentally* pushed behind the other books on the shelf until I manage to stuff Mallory’s version down the memory hole.
I mean, well done Mallory, but, uh… I’m just going to sit here in my office with all the lights on and my jacket on and think about alive things.
I read this this morning, and now I’m feeling like I had a narrow escape.
Yep, I read this to my 2-year-old every night. Mallory certainly has livened up storytime with this one, yessiree, won’t get through the evening without a bracing look at my own mortality now!
Now I know why I woke up in a cold sweat at 5am this morning.
My subconscious time-traveled forward to read what was coming up on The Toast (it’s not very adventurous, my subconscious, but it does have great taste), landed on this and woke me lest I actually die of fear in my sleep and not wake up.
I should have left myself a note or something.
I’m at work now, and terrified.
Okay, yes so sorry tiny girlchild but we will no longer be reading this book at bedtime. NEVER EVER AGAIN. *twitch*_
I’ll just be in my office, having flashbacks to pastoral ministry and too early deaths, thanks.
The cerebrally-distancing antidote:
“Brown explores the relationship between a young bunny and his material possessions set against the backdrop of the Cold War.” http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/sparknotes-goo…
“when the clocks go, the time goes
where does time fly? out the window”
so now I have Linkin Park stuck in my head, which I’m pretty sure was not the intention of this post. Potentially just as horrific though, depending on how you feel about early 2000s rap-rock. Thanks, brain.
You’re trying to hold on/you didn’t even know…
Ack that adds a whole new level of terror.
ugh nooooo whyyyy
One would only expect as much from a room that looks like David Lynch was hired as its decorator. I’m imagining the italic parts are read in backmasking?
I mean, I should know better, but argggggggh. I just finished that damn cancer article in the link roundup and I though, “Mallory’s funny, it’s going to be horrifying, but I’ll laugh,” and then you killed everything good in the world. Goddammit, Mallory.
By the way, this is a great (read: terrifying) companion piece to Neil Gaiman’s short story “We Can Get Them For You Wholesale.”
I thought you were talking about “We can remember it for you wholesale” and I was like wait, that wasn’t Gaiman, wait, that wasn’t the title, what is happening to me 🙁
great, from now on i’m gonna read a tyranny of choicelessness into a sweet little children’s story.
we cannot win out against biology and the need for sleep anymore than mortality and death is everywhere.
i hope you’re happy.
Ahhh. My childhood habit of lying awake at night thinking “I’m going to die someday. Everyone I know is going to die. My cat is going to die. Maybe I’ll die tonight. Did I just stop breathing?” shall be reborn.
Did you also think “oh no, every second I am thinking about how I will die is a second closer to WHEN I will die? And another? And another? I am wasting ALL THE SECONDS!” Cause, um, I did.
(I also worried a lot about whether I should try to bleed on the back step so the Angel of Death wouldn’t come for my brother.)
A line from a really, really bleak Philip Larkin poem just popped into my head: “Unresting death, a whole day nearer now.” Gah.
I still do this.
I have a habit of choosing short-lived animals pets, then spending tons of time awake at night contemplating how many more minutes I get with them until they die, and wondering if they have any concept of their mortality. (My elderly ball python died somewhat recently. RIP Sneaker Snake)
did anyone ever read Boom Baby Moon? it’s an entirely more light-hearted weirdification of Goodnight Moon (actually I’m not sure we even had a copy of the original around when I was a kid). I can’t find a PDF copy of it anywhere, and that makes me sad.
God, this was beautiful.
Can we start a list of beloved childhood tales we need Mallory to stay the hell away from?
I call ‘Make Way for Ducklings’ right now. I will NOT have Mr. and Mrs. Mallard turned into a quacking nightmare. Hands off, Ortberg.
Stop it! Don’t give her ideas! Never speak your treasures aloud, or Mallory will overshadow them with terror and creeping doom.
Never sleeping again. I will be much more productive now without sleep. Thank you, Mallory. I will get so much done now.
Yup, this is creepy as fuck. Well done.
*rocking slowly in corner*
the Giving Tree is still more horrific
but kudos!
goodbye, Nobody
and – goodnight – Nobody
hello, Nobody
*brb, going to curl up in a ball and sit in a corner, quietly gibbering to myself*
The inconsistent capitalization makes it even more terrifying, though.
I physically curled in at that part. Haunting.
“goodbye friends, goodbye alone”
What does it say about me that I find “goodbye alone” more terrifying than “goodbye friends”?
Or does it say something about my friends…
Somehow you’ve managed to make “Goodnight Moon” into the new “O Death” without the benefit of sounding like Ralph Stanley.
My psychology teacher said that he knew lots of kids who were freaked out by “Goodnight, nobody” for reasons they couldn’t explain. “Hello, nobody” is even worse.
Nobody is hiding behind your bed right now. Nobody will be right here, watching you dream all night.
I have a habit of choosing short-lived animals pets, then spending tons of time awake at night contemplating how many more minutes I get with them until they die, and wondering if they have any concept of their mortality. (My elderly ball python died somewhat recently. RIP Sneaker Snake)
Oh, cool, nightmares.
You should compile a childrens book. You’ve done a wonderful job with all of these.