Toasties. The Bartender made quiche for the first time. In fact, so confident was The Bartender in their first quiche-making attempt that they made two quiches. The Bartender was not wrong. Pictures above.
Recipe:
For the crust:
Store-bought pre made crust; The Bartender is not a magician.
For the custard:
1 cup fresh rhubarb, cut into 1/2-inch pieces or smaller
4 eggs
3/4 c. milk
1 tbsp. flour
honey. or not. whatever. this ingredient is not strictly necessary
chives (or scallions or something like that)
basil (or not. put in herbs, don’t put in herbs, nothing is a rule)
tomatoes (see parenthetical above)
salt
cheese; The Bartender chopped up a couple sticks of string cheese.
cut up rhubarb, put in a cup and drizzle with honey. Let sit for however long until you get the strength to make the rest of the quiche.
mix eggs/milk/flour
chop or rip up the herbs and cut little tomatoes in half or bigger tomatoes in more bits
throw all that stuff and mix with salt and egg mixture.
line cheese on the bottom of crust, through some into the custard mixture
pour mixture into crust
float some cheese on the top. use more cheese.
cook at 375 for 40 minutes or until center is cooked.
EAT.
Now open thread like a quiche wind and then go make something sometime!
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, recipes, the bartender
This has nothing to do with quiche.
There’s this house between mine and campus. It’s always been a rental and it’s always been little sketchy. Cinderblock construction, overgrown front yard, beer bottles and overflowing ashtrays on the porch, you get the idea. Lately there’s been a really nice 70s Honda motorcycle sitting outside and once or twice I’ve seen a guy working on it. A few weeks ago I passed the house when the garage was open and it was packed with maybe ten ratty old bikes with maybe some scooters mixed in. Just a ton of junked-out bikes. So obviously this person does repairs/restorations and if that Honda is any indication, he’s pretty good. Yesterday, someone posted to this to a local FB group. That’s totally this guy’s bike. So I thought I’d stop by on my way home and see if the dude was home and let him know. As I was walking up to the door, I had that This Is A Terrible Idea feeling. The house was dark and even the front smelled (from the beer bottles and overflowing ashtrays). There was yard work stuff piled in the doorway, covered in cobwebs and dirt, and the storm door was broken and hung open. The doorbell was broken, too, and when I knocked on the inside door I was honestly relieved that nobody answered. Fucking creepy house.
And that’s the story of how I avoided being the victim of an axe murderer this week.
I had a “I shouldn’t be doing this, what the fuck am I doing?!” moment this week, too! I was walking my dog last weekend, and it was a SUPER hot day. We walked by this apartment building and I noticed two pitbulls tied up on the sidewalk in direct sunlight. One was whining a lot and they were both panting and acting stressed. There was a large group of guys on the corner (in the shade) and I guessed the dogs belonged to one of them. I decided to walk my dog another few blocks and swing back around to see if they dogs were still there. 15 minutes later we get back… and the dogs are still there. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I went home and didn’t say something about the two overheated dogs. So I approached the large group of men and found the owner. I asked if it would be possible to move them to a shady spot since it was such a hot day. That’s when I was informed that in the time I walked my dog, the two pitties had been given a bath and were now briefly drying before heading back upstairs. Hence the bucket, shampoo, and hose nearby. I felt like an idiot and the owner was quite defensive (rightly so). Super awkward for all!
I think he was an asshole for getting defensive. He should have been pleased that you cared about the dogs of a complete stranger. GOLD STAR FOR YOU.
Awww thanks for the gold star and making me feel better! I understood the defensiveness a bit since I’ve had people make concern-trollish comments to me about my dog (“He is maybe a pound overweight, you should feel him less.” FUCK YOU.) But I’ve seen the pitbull owner a few times since and I don’t think he is a very good dog owner. The dogs are not spayed/ neutered, he doesn’t pick up their poop on walks. So I’m a bit more comfortable in my assessment of him and getting up in his business that day.
I made an anonymous call to the Humane Society once because I suspected some people down the street of neglecting their cat. I got a call back after they’d been out there, informing me that the cat was 20 years old, had lost all of its teeth, and was recovering from a stroke. I felt like an asshole.
Always better to regret the stuff you did than the stuff you didn’t, though!
That story gave me a good, hearty chuckle FWIW! Poor little kitty 🙁
He had horrible tangles on his tummy, and couldn’t meow properly, and was always lying almost-motionless on the sidewalk in front of their house (seriously, I had to actually step over this cat on my way to work). I thought he was being mistreated! But no, they’d just done an exceptional job at keeping him alive for many, many years.
I did something similar when I thought a neighbour’s cat was being neglected. Nope, he was/is just super ancient. He’s also very meow-y and friendly, and has tried to follow me through the front door on several occasions. I’ve had to politely remind him that my emotionally fragile three-legged indoor kitty would eat him for dinner if she came whisker to whisker with him.
I always do door-to-door canvassing around election time and hoo boy have I seen some houses that made me hope no one was home. Last November I couldn’t get one of the houses on my list because it was an active crime scene.
This house is next door to the house where last year we had a guy walking around with with a rifle and his buddy with a handgun. It’s super close to campus and the university police were going apeshit. I begged a ride home from someone so I didn’t have to walk by the house and the Burgomaster met me at our door (with our shotgun) so I could run from the car to the house and not worry about unlocking the front door.
Oh, university neighborhoods. Such a delightful and fascinating mix of people!
Yeah, what is it about university neighborhoods? We have some houses around here that were condemned and boarded up. They used them one day for some crazy police / SWAT training exercise. It was weird seeing all the big vehicles and stuff around.
They’re such a weird/great combination of Shithole Slumlord and Prissy Professor. So many people complain about living in a college town (which I do not get, I mean, did you expect all those students to commute?) but I love it.
I live between two rentals in a college town, which can be…interesting. I’m a bit bummed because the 4 rodeo guys who lived on one side just graduated and all moved out. We’d finally gotten them trained that you don’t have loud parties on week nights. I’m worried about who might move in.
Two houses down is another rental with college students. I went to knock on their door last week at 10:30 to tell them to turn down their music and saw through their uncurtained front window two guys lighting up a giant bong…I turned around and went back home.
I’m a bit bummed because the 4 rodeo guys who lived on one side just graduated and all moved out. We’d finally gotten them trained that you don’t have loud parties on week nights.
I’d be bummed about the four rodeo dudes leaving for different reasons, but you do you, bb.
Well, they were just a touch too young for me…(and probably a touch too conservative as well). If we get more rodeo kids moving in, I’ll let you know and you can come visit 😉
Ughhhh that Honda is gorgeous. I’m glad you’ve avoided peril but I would totally want to drool over the restored bikes!
Isn’t it just? We’ve got a junked-out Honda Elsinore that’s our next project after the Chevelle. 70s bikes, man. I love ’em.
So convenient that we open with a recipe because LET’S TALK HANNIBAL, TOASTIES.
IT IS BACK AND IT IS GLORIOUS. That cinematography! That tan line! That blue outfit that Gillian looked RADIANT in and now I am desperate to cosplay!
What did you think of the premiere?
It’s not that kind of party, but raise your hand if you briefly hoped that it would be. Poet dude could get it, and Bedelia’s mix of nausea and amusement was magnificent.
As Aaron Abrams said so rightly on Twitter, can you blame the dude for trying? If you say you wouldn’t be down for a threesome with Gillian and Mads, you are flat out lying to yourself.
I hope she gets an Emmy nod for this episode, she was INCREDIBLE.
FOR SURE. If there is ANY hope of it being that kind of party, you would have to go for it.
Oh man, that was so good. It was like a visual explosion. I think I need to rewatch just to understand all that happened, as mostly I was in a stupor from the cinematography.
I definitely need to watch it again. I was too excited to have it back to fully absorb it all.
SO GOOD. I actually thought he was going to let the British guy live for a minute, but nope! And SO fascinated to learn more of Bedalia’s backstory.
British guy was a total dick. At first, I doubted my initial “this guy’s gonna get et” response when Hannibal picked Roman instead. But then he reappeared, and I was so pleased to have been proven right.
Every time he came on the screen I started humming A Little Priest. Specifically:
“You see/The trouble with poet is/How do you know it’s deceased?/Stick to priest”
I’m sure Hannibal’s had priest at some point.
I am also fascinated by Bedelia’s backstory. She crammed her entire fist down the guys throat? Was that even real or was she just tripping when that happened?
GA doesn’t age. I love her.
I was really expecting Hannibal to have killed the guy, but then no, it was totally delicate Bedelia, all by herself. Was this guy the inspiration for Miggs swallowing his own tongue? Because I want that to be the showrunners’ implication.
I’m guessing drugs/manipulation like with Will and the ear. The way she woke up, with Hannibal manipulating the way she remembered it? Not sure she actually did it at all at this point.
So good. Loved all the delicious visuals and seeing Gideon again in flashback form!
Bedelia’s hat gave Freddie’s hat from last season a run for its hat money.
I’m excited to see Janice Poon’s blog start to update again!
I’ve been procrastinating the same project for almost two months and it’s getting to the point where I can’t even lie my way out of all my self-sabotage. I am feeling stupid and incompetent and also ungrateful for all the advantages I have that should make this easy. I like this client, he has been nothing but helpful to me, it is great money and could easily launch me into a new phase of my career where I actually make more money than I need and could start saving for a house or something like a fucking adult but . . . that’s not what I’m doing. Why am I not doing that.
I want to end with a joke or something so this isn’t a complete downer but I have no optimism at this point. Give me your tales of procrastination and things not being as bad as they seem.
This is exactly where I am in my life. I don’t want to be one of those people who harp on mental health as the explanation for everything, but it could be ADHD, depression, anxiety, or any number of things. Might be worth getting checked out, especially if your job/ a significant grade is on the line. Sending good, positive, productivity vibes!
My mental health is actually quite good these days, which is one of the reasons I’m so annoyed about it. I know what it feels like to simply be to anxious or depressed to work – but this is simply…not doing it. For no reason. It’s very odd. I’m sure it IS psychological but I’m reasonably confident it’s not a mental health problem. Good looking out, though!
Oh, okay. Glad it’s nothing serious. In terms of more nebulous psychological stuff, there’s a good Ask Polly column for this, where Heather addresses a letter-writer with a case of self-sabotage: http://www.theawl.com/2014/04/ask-polly-why-does-…. Hope the link comes through, it’s on the third page of Polly’s Awl columns just in case.
(Sorry. Since I went through a phase of trying to figure out this exact problem so I am oddly furnished with resources.)
May you get unstuck soon!
Hey, this article was aces and thank you for posting it. It helped!
i tend to procrastinate when I feel overwhelmed. Which recently has been pretty much all the time. Then the adrenaline kicks in and I plow through work. It’s not healthy and something I need to change.
Same! Let me know if you have any breakthroughs on how to change.
wellllllll my car was due for inspection back in March, and I still haven’t gotten around to it.
I even got pulled over in early May and the cop didn’t notice- that really should have been a kick in my butt, but you know, I got away with it. So I didn’t do anything for another month. Finally made a service appointment yesterday, and I think they do inspections as well, so fingers crossed that I don’t flake out and not show up.
I had my windshield replaced last summer and didn’t realize they had taken my inspection sticker until too late, then procrastinated past the point where even the missing sticker had expired. We also got pulled over without getting caught.
I’ve basically taken 10 months to write the final chapter of my dissertation. It should have taken…I dunno, maybe 3 months, start-to-finish? It’s still not finished. I just stopped caring about it, because it’s not like I’ll get a job when I finish anyway (academia kinda sucks).
I just learned that my alma mater is hiring a tenure-track job in my field. If I blitz NOW, I just might finish in time to convince them to consider me. *Maybe*. I could have graduated by now and be in a great position for this damn job if I’d only gotten off my ass, and now I might miss this golden opportunity.
Anyway, so check back in a few months to find out if there’s a ‘things aren’t as bad as they seem’ ending to this story.
Procrastination that ends in you doing the thing will always mean more, much more, and be much more horrifying to you than it is to the person on the other end. When you do it, the procrastination disappears, even if they knew about it while it was happening.
Of things that I’ve procrastinated, if I got them done, sometimes they got me the thing I wanted (got the mini-grant!) and sometimes they didn’t (didn’t get the big grant). Same with the things I did in an orderly, timely fashion. I have no evidence whatever that the things I did NOT procrastinate on (but did get done) had a higher success rate than the things I’ve procrastinated on.
Lastly, you didn’t ask for advice and so I won’t give you any, but is there a real answer to the question “Why am I not doing that?”
I honest to Furiosa think it might be “Because my mother won’t like it,” which is upsetting. I’m not even speaking to her. But she wouldn’t.
Bless you for “honest to Furiosa”.
I didn’t file my taxes for 5 years. I just didn’t feel like it. After I missed the deadline one year, I just thought it would be too hard to figure it out so I kept fucking up, year after year. When I finally decided to address the issue, I owed a bunch of penalties and shit. But I made payments slowly over time and finally dug my way out of the hole. Sometimes you just gotta roll with it and know that you’ll deal with it when you’re able. Sending good vibes your way!
This is good to know, because guess what other important thing I’ve been procrastinating for even longer? 😩
Aha! Twinsies! I was happy to find that the IRS worked with me very well in setting up payments and getting me on track. This was around the time Wesley Snipes went to prison for tax evasion, and I was legitimately afraid I would be arrested if I admitted to not filing taxes! But I am a small fish and that obviously didn’t happen. It does feel great to get something done that has been hanging over your head for a long time, and frees up so much energy for other things. But I completely understand just not having the capacity to deal with shit sometimes, and just needing for that to be okay. <3
I am procrastinating RIGHT NOW. I need to edit my thesis proposal (which is terrifying, so so terrifying) and if I get it done today I will not have to work all weekend which is ideal because it is my birthday weekend. And yet I keep staring and staring and staring at the page willing it to magically edit itself (and for my data to magically make sense). Ugh.
Commenting anonymously because this is embarrassing.
I failed a class my last quarter of college and just ….. never did anything about it. I fulfilled all my major requirements, but I’m 2 credits short of a diploma. I haven’t done anything about it. It’s been 8 years and … no one seems to have noticed yet. ???? That’s kinda the ultimate in procrastination.
Tell you a secret.
My dad has this story. This exact story. Except he has been out of college for oh, 35 years and still . . . still no one seems to have noticed.
(whispers) Sometimes you get away with it.
I find that I do this a lot. But I also find that I have an amazing little clock in my head that seems to go “bing!” at precisely the right moment for me to sit down and get the thing done just in time for the deadline. (My deadlines usually involve writing and editing.) What’s your past experience with meeting deadlines? Sometimes you’re not working because it isn’t time to start working yet.
But if it isn’t that, then the best thing to do is just sit down and make yourself work. Even if it’s a little thing, like getting things organized, sharpening pencils, putting your materials in piles, washing the floor of your workroom, or, in extreme cases, rearranging the furniture. (Seriously–when I start rearranging furniture, I know that Work Is About To Happen. Moving the furniture can literally change your perspective.) Also, forcing yourself to do something that’s even worse than working can make the procrastinated job look damned attractive as an alternative.
I work like this too, and it has usually worked out so far but I also am left wondering if I would have done a better job if I had worked calmly in small chunks over time instead of all at once at the last minute.
I can commiserate – I’m procrastinating right now too. Most of the time my procrastination is due to perfectionism – I get 90% of the way there but put off finishing up until I absolutely have to because I will never be satisfied with the result.
I do think that another main reason behind my procrastination is that I just really don’t like most of the things I have to do for work (engineering grad school). It’s definitely motivating me to research different career options.
My therapist had me go through the worst case scenario that would happen if I just didn’t do the thing I’m procrastinating, and it was weirdly comforting because…well the world will just keep going on and nothing that bad will happen. I tend to blow things out of proportion, so looking at it that way helped me a lot.
I did this after I posted this morning, and it was honestly very helpful. Sometimes you just need to go ahead and lay out the whole improbable worst-case scenario and then it’s like it already happened in an alternate universe and therefore cannot now happen in yours, because Physics, probably? #Idontknowhowmathworks #dontexplain #Imperfectlyhappywithmymadeupmaththankyou
The perfectionism procrastination! It’s the worst! As I said upthread I’m editing my thesis proposal for grad school and I KNOW it’s almost there, definitely 90% of the way there, but getting it the rest of the way is the worsttttttttt. Both because I’m never going to be happy with the writing, but also because I’m not happy with the amount of data I have right now. However, I’m done with experiments until after this proposal is due and defended. No matter how long I procrastinate on editing, I will not magically acquire more data. And yet the procrastination continues.
That sounds very familiar. I’m revising a manuscript that was accepted for publication as long as I address the reviewer comments. The reviewer comments aren’t even that bad, but I just feel like I should keep checking all my analyses over and over again in case there is some huge mistake that I’ve missed so far. However, I’m also afraid to actually check anything due to fear of aforementioned huge mistake, so instead I’ve been doing nothing. I’m trying to move on by telling myself that the time for working on the details of the analysis has come and gone. The only changes I even need to consider making are ones relevant to the reviewer comments.
I keep on making tiny changes to figures – “maybe it will look better if I plot it this way? wait no this way. what if I change my color scheme, will that make it better?” The answer is always no, it’s a preliminary data set, it’s only ever going to look so good.
Congrats on the acceptance and best of luck with the reviewer comments! Addressing them may be painful, but think of how great it will be once it’s published.
Yes! I’m like “maybe I should also tweak all the figures to make sure they are clear and readable”. NO! The reviewers didn’t say anything about the figures being unclear!
Figures can be a huge time sink.
Who wants to preemptively agonize about the Women’s World Cup with me???? The US doesn’t play their first game till Monday but I’m already SO WORRIED.
Still not over that loss to Japan last time around. Nail-biting.
Positive note: seems like WWC is getting more press coverage this year! At least from new media, like Deadspin. Nice change from the niche coverage of previous years/every other women’s sport.
RIGHT?? Totally heartbreaking. And just… as good as the current team is, they have not proven themselves to be particularly consistent. Anything could happen and it’s very stressful!
Agreed on the coverage though. Maybe I’m overly optimistic, but it does seem like interest in women’s soccer has been picking up lately, with the league still hanging in there and all (KNOCK ON WOOD). The send-off game against Korea last week was sold out!
i’m so worried. but excited. but very very worried
I was at the send-off game vs South Korea last weekend and it was…not reassuring. I am much more nervous about our chances than I generally like to let on. The US does tend to win through spectacular feats under pressure rather than through consistency, though, so I remain hopeful that they will step up.
Yeah… I watched it online and it was pretty concerning. What is with all the wild kicking and running they’ve been doing lately? You have arguably the most technically skilled midfielders in the world, guys, maybe try using them sometimes!
Yeah, at some point they need to stop experimenting with new positions and just let people do what they’re best at. I also don’t know why Lauren Holiday is such a fantastic center mid for FCKC and barely does anything on the field with the national team. And why are we relying on the outside backs to cross the ball in to the strikers? That’s what wingers are for!
Pinoe and Alex are game-changers, though, and hopefully with those two available they’ll be able to get something done. Fingers crossed?
My theory on Holiday is that they have her playing behind Carli Lloyd, who pretty much thinks she’s a forward and is always wandering up too high and then not doing shit on defense, leaving Holiday to do the job of two people in the midfield. I know Lloyd scores those crazy 40-yard goals every once in a while, but I really think she’s detrimental to the overall level of play.
The outside back thing is weird! Way back in my high school glory days (hah), I was an attack-minded left back, but like… a few times per game! Not like every three minutes pretending to be a winger. Plus, that strategy only works if 1. your outside backs are fast as shit and 2. your wingers fall back to help on defense, both of which are questionable with this team.
I really hope Pinoe and Alex can bring it. Alex has had so many injuries and Pinoe has a little bit of a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on, play-wise. I HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS TOPIC AH.
Oh good, someone else who thinks Lloyd is generally detrimental. She has definitely scored some stunning goals, but she misses more than she hits even from distance. I’m also not buying Christen Press as a midfielder yet.
Sure, I mean, Kling and Johnston have both scored great goals recently – outside backs can be great up top! But like…they are defenders for a reason. When you’ve got Heath and Pinoe (and HAO sometimes, but I’m not sold) to be those speedy wingers, why rely on Krieger and Kling? I know Sauerbrunn and Rampone can hold down the fort, but they shouldn’t have to.
I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS TOO.
Ugh, did you see her ESPN interview that just came out? She goes on and on about how “fickle” fans are and how they only care about what people look like and you get so much more attention if you have tattoos or “flashy hair.” You can almost SEE the jealousy of Alex/Syd/Pinoe oozing off of her. And then she says she wants to be a role model! Last time I checked the best way to be a role model is probably NOT giving interviews where you insinuate that your teammates are only well-known because of their looks. Anyway, it’s here if you also want to be annoyed: http://espn.go.com/espnw/news-commentary/2015worl…
Press is another player who looks super dominant with her club team and then tends to disappear a little on the national team. I feel like she gets pushed off the ball a lot and runs at people more than she maybe should. And Kling worries me a lot! Her goals were both beautiful but her defending has been really suspect at points. Why she AND Chalupny, who is paaaaainfully slow, are both getting playing time over O’Hara is a total mystery to me.
Sauerbrunn is everything. Have you watched her little video introduction thing? I feel like she would fit right in here at the dash toast dot net.
UGH CARLI. So she fouls unnecessarily for attention, then?
Yay we agree on almost everything! Chalupny has not done one useful thing since getting called back up, damn it. Bring back O’Hara. OR CRYSTAL DUNN. I actually like Kling so far, but I’m not totally convinced and also I may be biased because she’s adorable. I really want to like Krieger too, but she needs to stop indiscriminately whacking the ball upfield.
Okay here is the ultimate question: Abby Wambach, y/n?
Kling IS a total cutie! I think she kinda looks like tiny soccer playing Miley Cyrus, in the best way possible. And oh my god Crystal Dunn! Crystal Dunn not going to this World Cup is a TRAVESTY. I love that her response seems to be scoring approximately 17 goals per game for Washington, but I feel so so so bad for her and I think it’s maybe the worst decision Jill Ellis has made yet (which is… saying something).
Oh, Abby. I mean, yes — she has to be there. But I probably wouldn’t play her more than 15 or 20 minutes per game. She should NOT be starting, she should be coming in near the end to intimidate everyone and get her head into the mix. If she’s in for 70 or 80 minutes, we could be in trouble; she doesn’t have the speed or the stamina and it’ll be really hard on whoever she’s paired up there with.
someone on tumblr pointed out that the lead-up games to the last wwc were also not very inspiring, so…. fingers crossed that the “showing up in big games” trend continues? ugh, I am worried though. Their results have been weird (by their standards) for a while, and what if it’s something that can’t be fixed by “oh hey these games matter”.
I am going to the first 2 games and I am stoooooooooooooked! The weather is supposed to be great too. Also I got my ticket for free through a friend’s employer so that means spending money is for beer! #GOCANADA
Online dating thread!
Men, please stop talking to me about Star Trek. Just stop.
I held my date’s wee baby as he was falling asleep (the baby, not my date) and it was the best. He is only a few months ago, was wearing an adorable onesie printed with cars, and he is so light! His thighs are so chubby! Sigh.
Although I’d still like to meet more new men, I’m kind of busy. And dudes are boring.
TELL ME YOUR STORIES!
Well, yes. Very relevant questions:
What is intuition (“I don’t think he likes me enough.”) vs what is fear & insecurities fuelled paranoia (“I don’t think he likes me enough.”) Why do I project so many hopes and desires on a bunch of pixels? (“Why doesn’t he like meeeeeheeeee.).
Also, everybody knows desparation is 100% unsexy, but desparation doesn’t let that bother itself, and just DOES and EXISTS. How does one deal with one’s desparation in a vaguely healthy way?
1. “I don’t think he likes me enough.”
Oh man, big questions! I wonder if I’m qualified to say anything.
I think it’s intuition when he doesn’t show he likes you — he doesn’t show interest in making plans with you, he doesn’t suggest alternate times or places or dates when something doesn’t work for him, he doesn’t match your conversation (I’m thinking … thoughtful responses to thoughtful ones you send).
I think it’s fear and insecurities-fuelled paranoia when he has made demonstrations that he likes you, or heck, straight up told you, but you start becoming convinced you know his feelings better than he does. Paranoid can be fought with a little trust.
But besides both those things, maybe the thought should be “I don’t think/do think I like him enough.” How do you feel about him? There have been a few times when I finally felt “yup, he definitely digs me!” and then realized maybe I didn’t like him as much, which kind of sucks.
2. Maybe sometimes “desperation” is just an unfriendly label for “vulnerability.” I feel like I’m my most “desperate” when I feel insecure and scared. I think recognizing ourselves as human and vulnerable to *each other* helps me feel less scared.
Thank you for your well thought out and very helpful answer 🙂
1. Sometimes I need to get out of my own head on the intuition vs. insecurity thing. You could ask a person who is kind but has your best interests in mind. Or you could do what I do and just mentally step back and make myself think about what they would say. It’s weird but I frequently mentally consult a close friend who won’t bullshit me, a therapist-type, or even just an older, wiser me.
2. Desperation is bullshit. 95% of the time when someone is described as desperate it’s a woman. Because the patriarchy really really hates it when a woman really wants something and works to get it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be in a healthy fulfilling relationship (or whatever else) and anyone who calls you desperate for that is bonkers.
2b. The part for me that gets a little iffy is when someone wants something so badly they start compromising things that are really important to them or they just try to make something work that’s clearly not working. Like it’s not healthy to try to fit a round peg in a square hole. But really really wanting to find and actively pursuing a square peg for your square hole? Absolutely!
Thank you for your great reply. I fear that the ‘desperation’ I sometimes feel veers into the compromising/wanting something that doesn’t work to Work Damnit -territory. I.Shall.Make.This.Work, Hand.Me.My.Peg.Hammer (Grits Teeth) is an attitude I’ve had a few times too often. Just because the disappointment of ‘another one bites the dust’ hurts so much…. 🙁
And it’s not that I start to behave like a raving clingy lunatic to the pixel-dude in question, but insíde of me it’s all clingy systems go….BLERGH.
Giving myself a moment to imagine how I’d advise a friend if she came to me with my problem = helpful in the past.
All the messages I get lately are from dudes who live too far away, and don’t even work in the city. Like, sorry dude who lives in Stamford, CT, but I live in NYC and have no interest in spending time in Connecticut? Or, for that matter, with self-employed accountants who choose to live in Connecticut?
Mm, yeah. I’m in Toronto and carless, and when somebody hits me up from the suburbs like Richmond Hill or Etobicoke (which would be utterly manageable with a car), I’m like, dude, this isn’t going to work.
I mean, there are trains? It’s possible for me to get there? But why would you WANT to date someone who lives more than an hour away from you by expensive Metro North train? I keep wanting to ask these men, like, why? Are there really no women in your suburb that you’ve chosen to live in? Or are city women just more appealing for some reason?
I wonder that too. Sometimes I get messages from dudes who do not live in my metro area, and I’m just like “I live in DC, you live in upstate NY. Why are you bothering?” But I do not ask, because I have learned that engaging is a bad choice. (This is also why I do not respond with incredulity to the dudes who have less than 50% match with me)
Yeah, I was getting guys from this one university town in FRANCE for a while and I was like: obviously this isn’t going to work.
I’m in DC too and once went on a few dates from someone from St Mary’s City who would drive up and meet me. He was nice enough but I just cannot bring myself to get excited when there’s always the practical voice in my head going, “This is logistically untenable.”
I also ended a relationship with someone from Reston partly for the same reasons. He and I are still friends but it is HARD to listen to him constantly complaining about his dating life because I’m like, “If you moved closer these things would improve.” He likes where he is because he has a short work commute but a person cannot have it both ways!
I live in upstate NY. There are not a lot of people here. That is probably why they are bothering 🙂
I, personally, have no interest in meeting people online outside of my own area, but I can easily see how someone would feel they’ve run through all the people in their area and are willing to look hours away if they live in a small enough town.
I live in Brooklyn and I went on an OKC date with a guy who SAID he lived in lower Manhattan but then when we were on the date he said he lived in Jersey (and the far away from NYC part of Jersey) and this was only his 3rd time in NYC ever???? Also I mentioned some MoMA exhibit I had seen recently and he had never heard of MoMA?? WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS.
WHY THE LYING? WHY THE BULLSHIT? And who has never heard of MoMA? Uuugh that sounds terrible, all of it, what bullshit.
Stamford CT is too far from NYC! Spoken as someone who used to live at the end of one of the other metro north lines. I cannot even imagine living in my old town and trying to date someone in the city.
Granted, I’m currently a little skewed on this because I live in SF and am dating someone in the east bay, which seemed like it was so close in theory. The amount of time I spend on BART disagrees, but now I’m too invested. It is still much closer (and cheaper!) than NY to CT though.
I had a first… date? maybe? with someone a few weeks ago and had an absolute blast. I was waiting to see if he would initiate another date. Then I realized that was dumb, because a) it wasn’t at ALL clear that our meetup was a date and b) I really want to see him again. The first time I asked him to meet, he wrote back, like, a little poem? I know that sounds awful, but it was hilarious and made perfect sense in context. (bard jokes! nobody likes the bard, amirite?)
So I asked him to hang out again via a third-person narration. He wrote back and entire little SF story vignette and it was the most charming thing EVER. Hooray!
YES literary flirting! The best!
ah! that sounds delightful, good luck!
that is adorable
“I’d like to meet men but I’m busy and dudes are boring” pretty much sums it up for me too.
This is why I am doing passive online dating right now, ie I have a profile up on OKC and keep it vaguely up-to-date and don’t bother actually sending anyone a message. They can come to me and I will determine if they are worth my time!
Same here. Haven’t met anyone yet who’s more interesting than the Criterion Collection on Hulu.
That’s pretty much been my MO for a few months now. Every time I open Matches, I’m like “ugh, can’t deal.”
Fourthing this 🙂
This. I made an OKC profile for awhile while I was in grad school, but between school, work, and internships I really didn’t have time for it. I deactivated it with the intention of trying again after I graduated and I’ve just never gotten back around to it. Too many other things going on that are more interesting.
I’m not sufficiently committed to dating to relinquish my spinster ways.
I have been in a glorious IDGAF online dating groove lately. Boring? No date. Asshole? No date. Lazy? No date. So I canceled some of my tentative dates for last week because dudes just didn’t measure up. And I have no regrets.
I went out with the lumberjack leprechaun again and it will be our last. Dude is an asshole. Which is unfortunately because he is really hot and really into me. Next!
I actually went on 2 dates with a new guy since last open thread and we’re hanging out again tomorrow. I tentatively like him a lot and I think the feeling’s mutual but something is just a little off. I get the feeling he either doesn’t have much experience with relationships or he’s not sure if he wants to shift his life around enough to be in a relationship right now. Both are fine! I’m going to try not to overthink this one.
I love the IDGAF place! That is a good place to be.
i met my awesome boyfriend of 2 years now on OKC a couple of weeks into a fantastic IDGAF stage of online dating. i think the lack of caring kept me from overthinking things and helped in realizing that i did, in fact, really like this particular guy.
ALSO I went to brunch with some friends and one of them had never tried online dating and the other had only been on 1 date and that went poorly so she gave up. I mean, we’re all adults who work a ton and don’t meet tons of people at work and have girly hobbies so we’re unlikely to meet men that way either. I don’t know, I was pretty surprised that both of them had such negative options on online dating. I sort of thought it was the new norm? Do you guys have friends who do the online thing? Do you actually talk about it or is it hush-hush?
Yep! We OKC together sometimes, even — like tell each other our message threads, etc. I thought I’d find it weird, but it’s kind of therapeutic, especially with silly or bad experiences.
I think online dating is just another way to meet people? It’s a tool. It seems perfectly normal to me, and I actually find it exciting because I’m so bad at meeting and talking to people in general.
My work husband met his now-girlfriend on OKC and was the one that told me I should give it a try when I was ready to date again. The whole online date thing is pretty open in my friend circle, but we’ve also got wifi in our blood basically. (I wish I were a hot spot.)
of course, I’d rather be dating HIM but y’know
I met my husband through OkCupid, so I am pretty enthusiastic about online dating and will freely discuss it. I have a friend who tried online dating in its early days and she says, “Never again!” when asked.
I have a friend who was a pioneer too, and it sounds horrible. But she did meet her husband that way, eventually. It’s a lot easier now!
I have some friends who are like NOOOO THE STIGMA NEVERR re: online dating and then others who are just openly Tindering at work meetings. Most of my friends have at least tried it and are pretty open about it – sending screenshots etc. – but there are a few who insist that there is a stigma and that they want no part in it.
Wow really? I think most of my single friends do some form of online dating (OKC, Hinge, Tinder). We talk about it quite a bit and not stigma really…well I think for awhile there was some question about Tinder as a place to meet an actual match instead of a hookup, but it’s worked for some people. Interestingly enough many of my friends are now meeting people in other ways (through friends, parties, etc.) but most did the online thing for several years before.
I always get annoyed when I see tinder profiles that say “I’ll tell people we met at ______” or “willing to lie about how we met.” Like, no, I am not ashamed of this?
Yes, those are automatic swipe lefts. What else will they lie about because they are embarrassed??
I have no qualms about telling people we met for bonking but fell in love later. Come on, how sweet would that be? Pretty sweet.
Lots of my friends do it and talk about it. Also, I live in a small enough place that I have seen so many of my friends on OkC and Tinder–since we cannot actually keep our presence on these sites a secret, why not be open?
I got this insanely long message from a dude the other week that, as far as I could tell, was mostly just his fantasy of kissing a woman written in a manner not unlike the classier types of fanfiction out there, the ones that don’t use the word ‘cock’ too often. I say as far as I could tell because my eyes started to glaze over about halfway into the third paragraph before he even got past his introduction. I almost wanted to reply just to tell him that he might want to consider an editor before he sends that sucker out to any more women because he lost his intended audience pretty quick.
I rarely get any messages these days (the perils of living where I do, I think), so I was actually almost flattered at first that he bothered to write a complete sentence, but after I read both that message and his profile, I do believe that the monosyllable people at least wouldn’t bore me to death with their sense of self-importance. Sapiosexual my ass.
I haven’t seen my dude in like two weeks, though he hasn’t avoided me or anything like that, we’ve just been busy as shit. This of course leaves me with the “well, if you’re not going to at least make a vague effort, why bother” and I’m thinking I might open my profile back up, but idk.
I read “why bother” as “why boner.” Why boner indeed!
This is not wildly relevant to the other online dating, but dude in question was found on OK cupid and I want to whine a little but not start a whole new thread, so here we go with potential highjacking! ‘
I’m having an incredibly stressful time at work/school right now (I’m taking my qualifying exam for my PhD program in three weeks) and I’m losing it a little. I’ve had lots of anxiety issues in the past, but things have been pretty stable as of late. I’ve been seeing this guy for ~5 months now and he has not experienced me at my high-strung worst, but there’s not a lot of avoiding it right now. Things have been so nice and easy with him so far, but now I’m terrified about fucking this up once he realizes quite how deep the crazy goes. So I’m stressing about quals and stressing about him, and he’s being entirely too nice and talking about how he’s on board and I shouldn’t worry. Which just makes me worry more.
I’m having people over on Sunday for a birthday potluck and I was complaining about how I don’t know about when I’m going to clean and the dude said he would vacuum my house for me if that would help. He is too nice! Why is his being so nice making me freak out? (probably because it’s easier to stress about him than confront my terror about quals head on)
I’m sorry you’re going through all this stress. This is absolutely not threadjacking!
Tho things I try to remember (both in dating and IRL) are 1. You should try to believe what people say about themselves and 2. You can’t control how someone feels about you. You are doing a great job communicating with this guy and letting him see the parts of you that maybe you don’t want to show him. So trust him to make his own opinions and believe him when he tells you he’s okay. If he’s not and doesn’t tell you, even after you’ve checked in with him, that’s his problem, not yours!
Thank you, that is solid advice. I do need to remember to take people at what they say rather than assuming they’re constantly lying. Not exactly a productive strategy.
You are not threadjacking at all! I also echo the rest of SmrtCookie’s comment, because I totally recognize how you’re feeling. *hugs*
I dunno that I can help with the freakout, but I met my fiancee at pretty much the exact same point in grad school you met your dude, she wound up having to pack and organize my move during quals and I felt pretty shitty about that. Thing is, four months later she needed emergency surgery and I had to take care of everything everything for her, and she felt bad about that. Being supportive isn’t just a one-way street, and there will be times when you’ll be able to be there for him. Be glad you’re dating someone willing to be supportive, and do something nice for him when you’ve passed quals.
Even when it’s just friends, being able to be there for someone going through a stressful time is a joy and a relief. Being able to express your care for someone in a simple, achievable way that makes their life better is the best!
Everyone I’ve gone out with has seemed really great at first, but then they just get boring or I get a bad feeling about them. It’s exhausting.
But semi-funny/creepy story: I don’t “friend” people on facebook until I’ve met them in real life. I went out with this dude and he wanted to friend me, so not a big deal. After a while, I was getting a weird feeling from him so I broke it off, and then I realized that I didn’t really want him to see what I was posting on facebook (nothing about him, just general “does anyone want to do {something} with me {sometime}?” and I felt like he would be someone who would be like “YES ME!” and I didn’t want other people to see it. So I unfriended him. And then he sends me a text going “I would like you to be honest with me so I know not what to do next time. Why did you unfriend me?” Which I ignored and then blocked him via text.
But my question is: Do any of you really monitor your friends list like that? I just thought it was really creepy and then to ask about it was really weird.
Also, if I hear another guy say something like: “OMG! a girl who loves beer! You are like a unicorn” I’m going to scream. Almost everyone I know who is actually knowledgeable about beer/loves beer/doesn’t drink crap beer is a woman. Sorry dudes, you are going to have to try harder.
So I decided to just go out on lots of dates and just have fun. Which is what I thought I was doing at first, but too much chatting/texting makes me have a skewed view of what a guy is really like and I just don’t feel like putting so much time into texting before I actually know what someone is like.
That is super weird that he actually asked why you’d unfriended him. Sounds like he has bad boundaries.
Yes! that’s a good way to put it. And that might be why I was getting a weird feeling about him. He doesn’t understand boundaries! You are a revelation!
I am the same way about texting before meeting someone. I like just enough messages to establish that we have something in common and carry on a conversation, and after that it’s either meet or stop messaging, because the longer the messaging goes on, the more expectations can build up.
And yeah, that is weird that that guy noticed you’d unfriended him right away and then asked about it. Maybe he was trying to message you or look at your profile and found out he couldn’t, but still. I don’t pay that much attention to my friends list, and if I notice that someone has removed me I pretty much think that there could be any number of reasons why that don’t really have a lot to do with me personally. You don’t owe that dude an explanation, good call on blocking him.
I’ve stopped giving guys my phone number before we meet. No good has ever come of it. If/when they ask I politely decline and ask them to meet in person if that’s a thing I want to do. I very rarely ever send the first message but I almost always am the first to suggest meeting so I feel like it evens out.
re: monitoring my FB friends list
nope. i have no idea if/when people unfriend me. i would either have to 1) constantly troll my list searching for signs of defectors or 2) install an app thingy that tells you when someone’s unfriended you. either way… it sounds creepy and desperate and i just don’t care that much.
and i sure a shit would not message someone demanding an explanation if i realized they had unfriended me. again: i just don’t care that much. meh. people *shrug*
I mean, I don’t monitor my friend list, but if I went to go look at a friend’s page and discovered they were not my friend, that would be sad. And I can imagine that he was probably facebook-stalking, as many of us do with people we like, and discovered that way. I doubt he had an alert on you unfriending him or something.
That said, texting you to ASK why you unfriended him? Not cool at all. You barely know the guy. It is not surprising that he discovered you unfriended him promptly, is what I’m saying, but he is some kind of extra-special clueless if he doesn’t know WHY, and even if he doesn’t know why, definitely clueless for asking.
Once I accidentally unfriended my spouse and he was like HA are we getting a DIVORCE? And then we laughed and laughed, but that is the only circumstance where I would not be creeped out and annoyed by someone following up on a de-friending.
Thanks for everyone’s words of support and encouragement last week! My date went well and was enjoyable but there wasn’t a lot of chemistry. Still it was a positive experience and I feel more inclined to message dudes this week!, so yay!
Yay! Sometimes you just need to get that first one out of the way. Go forth and message!
Not even Deep Space Nine?
…I’ll show myself out.
Ok. So I complain about Vermont a lot.
Like, A LOT a lot.
The taxes and the politics and the people and the lack of a Target.
But. Just every now and then it’s worth it.
Oh my. I may have to take a spontaneous vacation trip to Vermont later this summer.
There is a short window where it is nice. Then winter comes. Plan wisely.
Beautiful pics! Thanks for sharing!
This is SO GORGEOUS.
I miss the northeast! Last summer my childhood friend and I were driving around our town (relatively rural mid-state NY) and she was like “did you ever realize how green it is here? it’s really green, right?” It’s totally not something I noticed until I moved away.
It really is violently green. I only noticed it when I moved to Texas and Oklahoma.
I feel a lot of the same way about upstate NY.
At least you have Target?
AND Wegmans!
Lucky, cosmopolitan people.
You guys are now the state that Neko Case has taken up residence in. So you’ve got that going for you as well.
(Washingtonian here. See her live as much as possible. She’s a gem.)
The taxes and the politics and the people and the lack of a Target.
You could be describing my part of Maine, tbh.
That said, THE SCENERY PORN.
I make a Midwestern quiche with crushed up Wheat Thins that makes its own crust. It also includes bacon and cheese and it is delicious.
Toasties, we are painting a room tomorrow. Then I am going to clean up and relax and do blog work and I am TAKING MONDAY OFF.
Tell me more about this Wheat Thin quiche..
Beat together 4 eggs, 1 1/4 cups milk, 1 tbsp Dijon, 1/4 tap each salt and pepper. Crush up 1 cup Wheat Thins and mix them in with 1/4 c flour. Mix in 4 or so slices crumbled bacon, 2 c chopped broccoli (if you use frozen thaw it and dry it in a towel first), and 3/4 c shredded cheese. Mix all together and pour into a buttered pie dish. Top with a quarter cup cheese and halved cherry tomatoes and bake at 400 for a half hour or 35 minutes. Let sit 15-20 minutes before slicing.
I need this in my life.
Dogs? Dogs make it all okay.
Here is a happy, happy dog with a very long tongue:
That tongue!
Here are some dog paws:
![]()
Dog paws are such a thing of beauty! I often stare at my Mad Max’s paws in wonder and awe. They’re so perfectly formed and sweet!
I CAN SMELL THE PUPPY PAW FRITO SMELL FROM ALL THE WAY OVER HERE
BEST SMELL!
I swear my dogs’ paws smell exactly like corn chips and my husband and my mother think I’m making it up. WHY CAN THEY NOT COME BASK IN THE DELIGHT OF PUPPY PAW SMELL?
The houndiest hound.
Here is Tuva, enjoying her favorite stretch of tundra:
And chilling with some of her favorite rocks (so happily muddy):
Ahhh is she cattle dog-ish? That’s like my platonic ideal of dog.
She is half German Shepherd, half Greenland Husky, and I blame hybrid vigor for the fact that she is a lean 115 lbs and longer than I am. Shepherd-husky mixes are the best though! Mostly serious, and then these weird joyful playtime spurts that feel like an incredible gift.
Oh wow, I could not tell from the pictures how big she is. She sounds so sweet!
happy puppy! and gaaaahhh I am drooling over that landscape.
We are super spoiled! My alternate caption was “This is where we walk our dogs.” Whenever we go up there we have it completely to ourselves, so the dogs can run loose and chase ravens and wallow in tundra bogs to their heart’s content.
Aw. That dog reminds me of my childhood dog who was some sort of border collie/black lab mix (maybe! animal rescues = mystery bag!)
She was affectionate in her own way. Like, not overly demonstrative in the manner of a lot of the working breeds, and not a licker, but she gave nice hugs. I think of her from time to time and get a little teary, even though she died years and years ago when I was in college.
That was a good dog.
My childhood dog was also some kind of border collie mix, and she was a great family dog – just enough of the collie instinct to watch out for the kids, but still laid back.
Aww, she sounds like a sweetheart. I love dogs who hug. The doof above is a border collie-corgi, so she herds everyone (her sister dog has found herself cast in the permanent role of Gertie’s Reluctant Practice Sheep) and gets very intensely focused on whatever job she’s decided is hers.
I love corgi mixes so much because inevitably they end up: mix dog head + corgi size body and they are hilarious. Sometimes when I feel sad at work I look up corgi mixes on petfinder.
I’ve had two probable border collie/lab mixes, one giant one who passed away recently and one much smaller one that’s about a year and a half old. I can confirm that they are The Best.
My big one wasn’t as border collie-like in size and brainpower, but my littler one definitely is and is forever getting worried when she’s in a group setting (farmer’s market meetup with friends, dinner party, etc.) and someone leaves the group.
Bo has just discovered sticks and it’s the best thing:
OMG your dog is a muppet!!
A muppet with a truly excellent stick.
RECIPE FOR INSTANT MOOD-BOOSTING
Spend all your teenage years being the girl with no boobs. Hear stupid remarks by asshole fellow-teenagers, feel undesireable and less-than as a result.
Years go by, make peace with breasts, find other things to worry & fret about.
Find out you kind of fit into th 75AA bras found at the teenage department of your local Wallmart Equivalent. Wear yellow bras with fluorescent-pink seahorses and other such designs, eventhough you’re 36.
Read about ‘70% of women wear wrong size bra.’
Think: whatever
Thought festers….
Feel intrepid one day, and step into specialty shop, all prepared to be measured by dowager-countess type.
Be measured by older version of your favourite cousin instead.
Who says: Oh yes, 75B, maybe C….
Teenage self living inside adult self makes screaming cartwheels 🙂 Many hallelujah, Much happy 🙂
Now feel joyous and incrementaly more like you belong. (Also new bras fit and feel very comfy)
Only downside is that you can only repeat this mood-boosting excercise once every 25 years 😉
But does the new correct size still come with seahorses??
Hahahaha, no, finally I can leave the era of Snoopy & other Funky Creatures behind me 😉
Ah, I had hoped it did, because I want my Giant Size™ to come in more than just beige vague floral or black vague floral. I would love seahorses.
Had that exact, EXACT experience in February. Monu-fucking-mental.
“Spend all your teenage years being the girl with no boobs. Hear stupid remarks by asshole fellow-teenagers, feel undesireable and less-than as a result. ”
Oh hey there, what nice succinct depiction of how I felt for… a long time. Some combination of also making peace + weight gain that included just enough in the breast area to make me feel more ‘normal sized’ (I am not totally sure how much was me growing as a person or the weight gain that made that actually did it to be honest)
Anyway! Congrats on your mood boost! Yay for new bras that are comfy!
I fantasize about this happening to me, in fact I measure myself every few months just in case the miracle has happened. Still, 34 A. Will continue measuring, though.
Never stop measuring 🙂 And don’t forget, I had to wait until I was 37….
Yes yes yes! I actually group texted some close friends when I went up to a full c cup, back in my college days.
I’m leaving work early today…BECAUSE I CAN.
mmm quiche. but quiche always reminds me of my friend’s very sweet but very bad at time management ex-boyfriend, who once said, “we can go to this time-sensitive event! i just have to make a quiche first.” and of course they missed the event because he spent like three hours making a quiche.
in other news, after getting all grumpalumpy about not getting any exercise at all, ever, this week i started getting up half an hour earlier to walk to the train station instead of bussing, and making myself walk back after work, too, and it’s amazing, despite getting less sleep, my sleep is better and i’m less tired in the morning. minor exercise! ugh, i’m kind of resentful that it’s actually having positive results.
“I just have to make a quiche first.” That’s amazing.
I mean, to be fair, a lot of recipes say they are going to take you like 30 minutes to make, so if you don’t know that the estimated time is just a punch line, I can see where this would be an easy mistake.
Getting my first tattoo tomorrow! Of the Jabberwock! With a friend from church who said “I’m forty now and a mother of two, I think it’s time for a tattoo.”
One of my friends was once like, “But this guy is forty! He has other things to think about; why a tattoo?” and I was like, HONEY.
The rhyme seals it. I hope it comes out beautifully!!
I got my first one at 50, and now I have 3. Quite possibly more to come.
My friend’s mother got her first at age 91, then another a year later.
But which version of the Jabberwock?
The Tenniel Jaberwock?
YEAH YEAH YEAH
Yep! Love the vest and the buck teeth!
My university bestie had this on her back! Good luck with the cross-hatching, let us know how it turns out?
Hurrah! I had my first one at 30 and I have just kept going.
fantastic! I have one I got a few years ago, and excited for when inspiration and pocket money align and I can get myself more of them. hope you both love them!
My mom got her first (and so far only) one with my sister, a year or two ago? So at around 60.
Awesome!
I am thinking about getting one (I don’t have any) sometime soon (~next 2 years?) too! For similar feelings to your friend’s – “I’m an adult, and I do what I want!”
It’s a great feeling. I may satiate it in the meantime with a new ear piercing? Because two years is awhile (we’ve got a big rebel over here).
My mom wanted me to go with her to get matching tattoos on her 50th birthday, but we couldn’t agree on what we wanted so she ended up going by herself. It’s on her butt and she will most definitely show it to you if you ask.
I was in my early 30’s, finally had a stable, decent job for long enough to get out the debt my ex had let me in, and opened n RRSP and decided that I was close enough to adult to spend the money for a tattoo…a lot of money, since I had been thinking about & planning this tattoo for over a decade and it had become a full back.
Everyone asks me how long it took and my answer is “I’ve never counted up the hours because then I would know how much I spent.” I love my back.
I’m going to Amsterdam and Brussels in September! My first overseas trip by myself, and I’m psyched and nervous.
Give me your suggestions! I’m going for many days, and I am def hitting up The Hague, Delft, and Ghent on daytrips. The Rijksmuseum is like the only must-do item on my list, besides food (WAFFLES MUSSELS FRITES). My co-worker suggested the Heineken “interactive beer museum”, which is an excellent description.
Oh I spent a long weekend in Amsterdam and I loved it! Rent a bike?! We ate here, and I liked it a lot http://bazaramsterdam.nl/
I remember the Rijksmuseum as being huge and full of the Dutch Masters. DO NOT miss the Van Gogh museum.
OMG the Van Gogh museum is so beautiful that I was kind of angry that I had to leave (eventually) and probably never come back. Definitely check it out.
yes yes agreed
Yes the Van Gogh museum for sure!
Fourthing (I think) the Van Gogh museum. I absolutely loved it! Amsterdam is also a really lovely city to just wander around in and get slightly lost and admire the canals. I was there solo and had a great time.
do you like weird, sour beers (this might be a big reason I chose Belgium for my Big Overseas Trip a couple years ago)? Cantillon Brewery is very cool & old!
I’m actually not huge on beers right now but I super look forward to trying stuff out! A cool brewery sounds like a good place to start.
It’s ancient and uses very traditional methods, so I thought it was pretty fun outside of tasting the products. The one drawback is it’s not super central in Brussels so it might not be worth it if you don’t have other destinations en route to/from it. They make traditional lambic, which is definitely not very “beer-flavored.”
You should go to the Anne Frank House just so you can try to see Justin Bieber’s legendary guestbook entry in person.
I went to the Tropenmuseum when I was in Amsterdam and it was amazing – they had an exhibition on at the time called ‘all about evil’ which was fascinating but I think it’s a good museum anyway.
The Heineken Beer Museum is the best. They have RIDES and there’s a part after the first round of beer is given out where you stand in front of a green screen that makes it look like you’re in a canal boat and karaoke a dutch song while people walking by watch you. Then you email the video home with no explanation. I had a lot of fun at this museum. Plus if I remember correctly you receive a gift at the end. I believe mine was a bottle opener the size of a credit card to keep in your wallet.
HAHA WHAT? RIDES? I’m so there
Sorry I don’t have anything helpful to add I just hope for your sake that the Heineken museum has beer besides Heinken, or that Heineken tastes better straight from the source. Basically, interactive beer museum sounds incredible. Happy travels!
Amsterdam & Brussels was my honeymoon! Amsterdam is an awesome city and so much fun to walk around. The Van Gogh is a must. If you like cats, visit De Kattenkabinet. It’s a little museum full of cat themed artwork and of course, lots of real cats wandering around. We also really liked the canal tour boats, we did one at night with drinks and it was a lot of fun. A historical walking tour is a lot of fun too. Also Amsterdam’s history museum was very interesting. Brussels was all about the beer and food for me, so I spent most of that time in a food coma!
We spent our honeymoon in the Netherlands, it’s one of my favourite places. In addition to what’s already been recommended for Amsterdam, I really liked the city’s history museum. If the Mauritshuis has reopened in The Hague, I highly recommend it. Delft is lovely for walking around. Haven’t been to Ghent but I’ve heard good things.
Go to Winkel 43 for a coffee and the very best apple pie you’ve ever had.
Also, if you haven’t made hotel/lodging arrangements yet, I can wholeheartedly suggest the Cake Under My Pillow bed & breakfast, which is above their kitschy/awesome cake shop/cafe — spend at least one night there, even if you stay somewhere more central/cheaper for the rest of your time. It’s a cozy little place (though to be fair, I was the only guest when I stayed there, so maybe it’s less quiet and cozy when there are other people in the other rooms?) and they also give you free cake every day.
Mother’s (Moeders) makes delicious dutch food and for dessert has “Mothers Coffee” which is very sweet and very heavily spiked and comes with a cookie tin for you to choose from so you have cookies to dip in your highly alcoholic dessert. Gin tasting is also fun, although I don’t remember where we did ours. They had a 6 gin flight plus snacks? It was fun.
Hoge Veluwe National Park was also very cool, but it’s also a day trip, so you might already be booked up on that front.
The zoo and the botanical gardens were also both very nice places to spend time in.
Have never been to Amsterdam but Brussels is nice — not too exciting but very walkable and pretty and the food and drink are amazing. Try the fries and beer restaurants, the chocolate, and the outdoor seafood stands. Can you make it to Bruges?
In Amsterdam, I enjoyed the Resistance Museum, the Science Centre Nemo (there are lots of fun interactive things to play on, and the teenager-focused section is very entertaining) and watching the sealions getting fed at the zoo. The parks are lovely, and there is nice wildlife to look out for (I saw a heron peering through someone’s window!).
If you like shopping you should check out the 9 streets (de 9 straatjes) http://www.de9straatjes.amsterdam/en/home .
I would also reccomend getting a card for public transport in the netherlands. https://www.ov-chipkaart.nl/aanvragen/welkekaartp…
Toasts, I have signed up to run a half marathon (my first) this October. Do any of my fellow runners have any training programs to recommend? (I do need a training regimen, right?)
Relevant info: I regularly run 4 to 6 miles at a time, so I’m not a beginner, but this will be my longest race by far—I’ve only done 10Ks before. I’m worried about the distance, and because I like to run fast, I think a big hurdle will be slowing my pace down enough so I don’t exhaust myself after 6 miles like I currently do.
Also, I’m (wrongly, most likely) less worried about the actual half marathon than I am about training for it. Training does not seem like a fun thing.
If you care to throw any tips my way, I’d love to have them!
Runner’s World magazine has some pretty easy to follow training regimes…I think during the week I never ran more than 6-8 miles at a time with increasingly long runs on the weekend. I had to work up to the 6-9 miles because I was starting from a base of about 3 miles regularly, so you’re already on a good track!
Good idea– I forgot about runners’ magazines. Thanks!
NO you are right to be more worried about training. Training is BORING and POTENTIALLY LONELY and on race day there will be volunteers and spectators and a medal at the end!
I’ve run three halfs (halves?) and each time I trained with a local running store. I would meet with a big group on Sunday for the week’s long run, and everyone would split into pace groups and do whatever mileage was prescribed on their individual level. Maybe that’s an option for you – I liked having the accountability and the resources of more experienced runners. As far as a training plan, I mixed a single weekly long run (starting at 4 miles, working up to 12, and 60-90 sec slower than race goal pace), mixed with two 3-4 milers at an easy pace during the week and one day of hills or speedwork (I’d switch back and forth from week to week). Every three weeks the long run would drop in miles but increase in pace to allow for some recovery, and if I managed to fit a day of cross training into the week, all the better. The weekly long runs allowed me to figure out what I like in fueling and hydration (gatorate chews and a handheld camelbak for me!). Tapering can be a bit frustrating because you just want to keep on running, but taking the two weeks before the race to step back a little is important, and you’ll be surprised how much you retain for race day. You’ll be so ready to kick ass and take names!
Congratulations on making the commitment! You are going to do great!
This is all good information, thanks. And you’re right, training might be boring, but then the race will probably be awesome because of people and medals and t-shirts and beer!
This is probably something that everyone but me knows, including you, but just in case: you are really really going to start needing to carry water. I got halfway through a half-training regimen before quitting (the idea of running was making me feel sick with anxiety, and I want to like running! but obviously this is not everyone’s experience) and on my seven-mile run, I came back really dehydrated and felt pretty rough all day. I guess this is something most runners do already, but my standard run is 2-4 miles, and you don’t really need to bring water with you for that. Anyway. Get one of those cool running water bottles!
Omg and I forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS AND GOOD LUCK!
No, that’s very good advice and something that I probably would have tried to avoid (because carrying something while running = annoying) to my detriment. Running water bottle it is!
Every runner is different. I personally don’t need to bring water on runs less than 15 miles, as long as I have hydrated enough throughout the day or day before for morning runs and running with a bottle is annoying.Try out different things and see what works for you.
Congratulations! I ran my first half in April, and am training for a second in August. I used a 16 week beginner plan, which was nice because it added mileage very gently and left me plenty of time figure out how to handle pacing, fueling, and whatnot. http://www.popsugar.com/fitness/Half-Marathon-Tra…
Now I’m doing Hal Higdon’s intermediate plan http://www.halhigdon.com/training/51132/Half-Mara… . So far it’s not too much more intense than the beginner plan, but it does include speed work (intervals and tempo runs).
I’d definitely recommend doing some strength training. I did 1.5-2 hours a week of circuit training with weights that included many squats and lunges, and I think it gave me a lot more butt and leg power than I would have had otherwise.
Training was a slog, but the actual race was SO much fun! I think my favorite part was the littering – there’s just something really satisfying about getting to crush a paper cup of water and hurl it to the ground.
Second vote for Hal Higdon! Thanks for the info. Strength training is good advice– a friend also recommended regular stretching, and I am bad about both of those things, so I need to remember.
How exciting! Congratulations! I just ran my first half in April. The training plan I used is here: http://running.competitor.com/2014/06/training/th… . I did the “beginner” training plan, but the advanced may work better for you, as someone who has been running regularly. I was really worried about the training and the race, but it turned out to be a really great experience.
Some of the helpful things I learned/realized:
– Pick up some new shoes. If you’ve been doing a lot of running in your current shoes, they’ll be pretty worn in/out by the time you get to your race, and you obviously don’t want to be running in brand new shoes come race day.
– For the half, find out if they have pacers. They’re a great way to keep from exhausting yourself early. By the time the race comes around, you’ll have a pretty good idea what pace you can sustain for the full distance, and you can just stick by the pacer.
– If your plan includes cross-training, do it! I skimped on mine, and I think it held me back a bit. That extra cardio work will make a difference.
– Continue to update and ask Toasties for advice. So much of what I learned from other commenters here was vital to my having a good race.
Good luck!
Thank you, and I’m glad yours was such a good experience! It’s really encouraging to hear people say they enjoyed the run and that it wasn’t just torturous. I appreciate the tips!
Toasties! I could use some advice. I’m was invited to a stagette cottage weekend, for a girl I work with. Aside from her, I’ll know (from work) two of the 18ish women attending. The Facebook group has already devolved into some high level Hey Ladies drama that I have avoided. I’ve said I would go for one night, which I’m determined to stick to, but I’m sort of dreading it – this group of girls seems really unlike my own friends, and I’m already know by the girls I work with as a big hippie (because I don’t shop at Walmart/the mall, I guess?) so I’m guessing there will be some ribbing and things about me, which I can be chill with (if I try hard enough, haha). But I’m wondering, how can I give myself over more fully to this process, even though it’s really foreign to me? How can I go with the flow, while maintaining my sanity/frugality/politics?
Pretend you are Jane Goodall, there to observe the Haius ladiis in its natural habitat, observing but not interfering.
(and then report back to us)
But really, good luck!
haha oh man, that’s perfect. Thank you!
ALCOHOL
okay but otherwise, i say have fun doing whatever it is you’ll be doing, and if any of the girls says something less than pleasant about you/your choices/your appearance, just stare blankly and neutrally at the space between their eyebrows for a solid three seconds while mentally reciting “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, NOT A SINGLE SOLITARY FUCK” and then do a slow blink and return to whatever you were doing before.
I’m going to practice this, thank you
I’d figure, with that wide a number of attendees, that you won’t be the outlyingest outlier. Probably. And, since the focal point of the weekend is Girl from Work and not you, there may be less scrutiny than you’d guess.
If I ever write a self-help book, it’s gonna be titled “Strangers Don’t Care About You: Or how I stopped worrying and learned to enjoy parties.” But seriously. Strangers? They don’t care about you. It’s pretty freeing if you look at it in the right light. AND. They are strangers. You don’t care about them either, really, right? So, even if you do rub them the wrong way? It’s not like this is gonna be a weekly get-together from here on out and you’ve got to impress/dazzle/befriend them all. And who knows? There may be two other people worth hanging with, even if they’re only “for this very limited time and then never again” version of worth hanging with.
I…hope this helps? This is kind of the mantra I go through when charting unknown social waters, so YMMV, but it works for me.
You know, that’s great. Because I don’t care about strangers at all. Thanks!
glad to help!
Oh lord. I’d be freaked out at that too. I think if I were doing something like that, I’d be repeating the mantras of “it’s just one night, then it’ll all be over” and “I can approach this like an anthropologist studying a fascinating tribe of Hey Ladies.” And/or I’d be thinking of it as “fodder for the novel I will someday write.”
I’m going to reframe it as a research trip.
Bring a lot of weed.
I’d go for a combination of anthropological observation, and fake forced buy-in. It’s a lot more fun to go ahead and pin the penis on the poster than sit in the corner and not. Just do what everyone else is doing – you don’t have to like it, just go for it! Do stick with your own limits on spending money and drinking / drugs – you don’t know these ladies, you don’t care what they think of you! But go ahead and do the “fun” things that are stupid.
I’m just going to wine myself up and dive it.
I’m gonna need some excerpts from this Facebook group to evaluate before dispensing advice.
“Hi everyone, Im sorry to sound like a spoiler. But if you had originally said yes to the wine tour, and now are saying no please re consider. This was intended to be a group activity.” [The wine tour is 100+ dollars]
“I had let xxxx know last week that I won’t be participating in the wine your. I am pregnant and can’t drink and personally can’t afford $75 for the wine tour and can’t even participate.”
“[To pregnant girl] last time we talked about the wine tour you said you
Might not come”
“[Also to pregnant girl] You said you were trying to come up with the cash”
You’re gonna make a pregnant lady pay $75 for wine she can’t even drink?? Come on now.
D:
That is so Hey Ladies
Whoooaaaa. That last girl is the girl who texts a guy furiously eight million times after an unsuccessful date.
“You said you were going to ‘call me sometime.’ I have not received your call. It is sometime.”
“You said you had fun.”
“Why aren’t you texting me back?”
“Well I don’t see why your mother dying is any excuse for bad manners.”
I GOT THE JOB IN PORTLAND. 😀 😀 😀
The nursing supervisor emailed me Wednesday afternoon and said they want me on the team. I followed up with the recruiter to make sure HR gets on it, because it’s up to them to finalize my application and start on the official offer letter. Nobody at my Dallas job knows yet, because I’m not letting that cat out of the kennel until I have a definite start date.
I think the best part of this is, since I just moved to a new Dallas apartment Sunday, half my stuff is still boxed up. AND I GET TO WORK IN CANCER RESEARCH, which is what I’ve wanted to do since forever, AND IT’S IN PORTLAND, where I’ve wanted to live since forever. I’m gonna buy champagne poppers and make a mess in my living room. HUZZAH!!!
Hooray!!! Congrats!
Woo! So great!
Portland is THE BEST, you’re going to have so much fun there. 😀 Congrats!
Make noise when you get here!
CONGRATULATIONS! I just moved to the Portland area last month! (To everyone: Is there a meetup group somewhere for Portland-area Toasties?) You can email me at writenaked AT gmail, we should meet up once you get here. 🙂 Hopefully I’ll be able to show you some places by then!
Congrats!!!! I also got a new job this week!!! New job buddies!!!! 🙂
ANIME CON NEXT WEEK
Toasties, did I tell you all the story about the drunk Irishman jumping in my car in NYC, or was that just Toastie Twitter? I accidentally tol this story to my boss’s boss last night and I don’t know how that worked out. It was a happy hour/going away party for one of my favorite coworkers (that is happening more and more lately…ugh, Ethylbenzene, kick me and tell me to leave already) but I was so tired I just spilled the whole thing.
:/ oversharing work stories
I don’t twitter at all, and I am curious, I don’t remember the drunk Irishman story. Was it a good/funny thing or a annyoing/bad thing?
I’m more of the team good/funny, because it was just so absurd! It could have certainly ended the complete opposite way for sure. I copy/pasted this from my Livejournal, so please forgive weird tone changes:
I am en route to NYC for work. It’s early evening on a Sunday, maybe 9pm. I left late to avoid traffic, and instead hit it directly. At a stop light, I look over at the cab next to me. There are two dudes hanging out of it, waving at me. I wave back. Next traffic light, they get me to roll down my window. We chat, they say nice things about me, I take off. Next light they ask me where I am going, they say they are going to the same place I am (LIC). We continue to talk and flirt. Next thing I know, one of them is out of the car and in my passenger seat. He is Very Irish. I know mom said never to pick up hitchhikers, but she never said anything about hot dudes hanging out of taxis trying to pull you.
He tags with me all the way over the 59th Street bridge, we talk about work and why I am here and why he is here and accents and honestly, he was good company because I always panic driving in NYC. I ask him where he needs to get and I end up bringing him to the train station. Before he leaves, we kiss furiously for five minutes. I wanted to say “hey, you know, you should just come back with me” but I do not. I have made enough questionable decisions for one night. I taste the liquor on his lips, bid him a fond farewell, and cackle all the way back to my hotel.
That is quite possibly the greatest story I have ever heard.
omg, that story is fantastic. get it, girl. just the right amount of a anything might happen late night other city liquor highjinks
Oh man, that is such a tough place to work. The culture is SO weird and the projects are so small and numerous and repetitive. I will say, though, that getting out of there got me into the sexist bully boss place, but also that you probably have a ton more options than I did here in upstate NY. I feel like if they could get their culture under control, it really wouldn’t be a bad place to work in many ways. I liked the boot allowance, getting free shirts so I didn’t have to think too much about what to wear, and I really liked not having to do my own groundwater sampling, but the place was full of such WEIRD PEOPLE. Also very limited movement opportunities since people tend to stay there either for a couple years or for LIFE.
it true it really true
One of the things we were talking about is how there are people here that have been here for like 10, 15, 20 years…and a bunch of people that have been here 1-3 years…and NOTHING IN BETWEEN.
Yeah some of the guys in my office had been there since the company started. Like, that would make it super hard to fit in without them doing pretty much everything in their power to make it worse.
Edited to fix massive autocorrect issues what the actual fuck iPad.
Today I took one step closer to the goal of same-clothes-every-day and just let go and purchased two more white button downs. A couple years ago I started with that sort of embarrassing capsule wardrobe thing & began discovering the glory of not ever having to worry about my outfit because I planned all possible outfits 3 months ago. Why not take it a step further and just have variations on the same outfit forever? Am I starting down a dark path, internet friends? It feels very right.
You are not alone! http://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a10…
HAHA I saw that article and while I’m not nearly as cool & conventionally attractive as that lady (which does give you more leeway with these things, socially), it did give me some small solace. SAME CLOTHES EVERY DAY.
For reals though, not thinking much about what to wear each day is so great and I love it.
I actually like my wardrobe, and choosing what I will wear every day, but it is not for everyone, and i have very deliberately made life choices that do not reuqire me to make Big Decisions.
One of the weirdest things I learned about Germany from a friend who lives there is that, because utilities are so expensive, people think it is weird if you _don’t_ wear the same clothes every day.
Total respect for people who enjoy the whole wardrobe experience! I find that, much like a toddler, I thrive when offered limited options.
Also, no wonder my spouse likes visiting Germany though tbh his wardrobe is far more varied and colorful than my own, little bird of paradise that he is.
There are many, many other German wonders, including a reality-based TV show that is the equivalent of “cops”, except all of the criminals are people who don’t recycle properly and their neighbours are ratting them out. ^_^
That’s kinda awesome actually. It reminds me of living abroad, when you only have a suitcase of clothing anyway, so it is pretty much “Why yes, I am wearing this sweater again, because i literally only have this one sweater.” It is gloriously freeing.
Yes, my best friend went to Germany for a year in high school and came back wearing the same outfit every day for a week — it was always an amazing outfit — well thought out, lovely accessories — but she’d wear it every single day and then switch it up for a new one the next Monday.
I too keep wandering down this same dark path! I buy different things with the intention of livening up my wardrobe and then still end up wearing the same damn thing. When do you just embrace it?
One of my favorite artists does a lot with the idea of clothing-as-uniform – Andrea Zittel – and I am juuuuust pretentious enough that if I phrase something in my mind so it has like an ideology, it legitimizes it for me somewhat. Even if I never actually say that out loud! It’s like, I’m not LAZY, I just love Andrea Zittel. When I was younger, she was doing her smockshop thing and I went in hard on making my own smocks but that does not translate to office wear.
http://www.zittel.org/category/uniforms http://www.zittel.org/works
Did I just give you the most pretentious answer possible or what.
You have absolutely given me the perfect answer as I am equally that pretentious AND a former art historian AND love justifying any life practice because ideology.
Internet High Five!
This is really my favorite place on the internet.
i desperately want to start down this dark path, myself.
i’m kind of on the way (my wardrobe has a very narrow color scheme, and i favor a lot of the same…proportions/cuts) but i really want to invest in a high quality capsule wardrobe that i don’t have to worry about! because i do spend too much time worrying about what to wear to work, and i want to spend less energy on that and still look chic.
I find I do that too! What’s this, another long, draping black or charcoal shirt? WHY YES, I WILL TAKE IT. If Archaic or Classical Greek sculptures wore alot of black, they would be my ideal style icons.
Yeah, man! I mean only the most generous would ever use the word “chic” to describe me but I think it’s totally doable and it really is very liberating, if picking out your clothes is too stressful.
I was thinking about this some more and I realized one of the things that makes this possible for me (and has cut down on the whole stupid I hate everything I own feeling) was actually having clothing that fit me. For me, as I am not made of money and have limited interest in going shopping and THEN finding a tailor, I started making my own shirts. Because I am ALSO only able to pay attention for so long and making pattern adjustments is to me a nightmare, I have 2 tops that I sew out of fabric I really like. (Button-ups I purchase and then take in if I have to because who has time for making buttonholes.) Having a shirt that fits for the first time since puberty made a huge difference in how I feel when I get dressed. I by no means advocate sewing your own clothes b/c that is a fools errand, truly, unless you already have the interest and basic skills, but focusing on a handful of garments that really fit can ease a lot of the desire for new clothing.
The Billfold has had some great stuff on this!
I’m going to check it out! Thanks!
You are totally not alone!
I have 5 pair of the same black slacks. I have black shoes, and black socks.
I have about a dozen spring/summer office-worthy tops that go with my black slacks, and about a dozen for fall/winter. This is my uniform.
I do laundry every weekend. When I get up in the morning, I put on a pair of black slacks and the top that appeals to me most. If none of them appeal, I just take the one closest to me. When I finish the laundry, I put the clean shirts in the back so that I’m rotating when I default to “can’t decide; closest,” and I only do laundry on weekends so I don’t accidentally wear the same top twice in the same week. Pretty simple and it’s been working great these past 5 or so years.
I love this! I struggle so much with the appeal factor–some days I hate all my shirts, some days I hate one in particular that I’ll love the day after. Very weird and I waste a lot of time staring blankly into my closet.
You are on a beautiful fashion path of simplicity, bb. Yes. Yesssssssssssss.
I love how affirming you are. <3
It sounds very relaxing! Also so long as it’s not super loud and weird, probably no one will even notice if you wear the same thing every day. (I prefer super loud and weird, but my emergency after-baby wardrobe (14 months and counting now, oops) is pretty much gray T shirts and really boring pants, so.)
The Jason Mantzoukas route!
He always wears a white oxford shirt and jeans. I really want to adopt something like it. Go for it!
My entire wardrobe is black/gray trousers and cardigan sweaters (short, 3/4 and long sleeved) so getting ready for work in the morning is a breeze. I just pick trousers and a sweater that are different colors (don’t want to be in all black), socks and loafers, and I’m ready to go (spend 20 minutes on my makeup)
in the last few years, i have finally embraced that i love black & gray. LOVE. i used to get a lot flak for being dark and dour and “why don’t you wear more color?!” so i tried harder to be a “better” dresser. i hate patterns. i hate bright colors. i hate having different shoes and purses and accessories for different outfits. aaaaarg. fuck that noise.
i like it THIS way, thankyouverymuch. my wardrobe is 95% black, gray and silver. all of my jewelry is steel and silver. all of my leather goods are black. i can put together a slick outfit if i feel like it but i can also throw a few rando things on and look put together. i am liberated! i feel comfortable in my clothes and my skin.
My spouse’s favorite color is pink and I have one pink t-shirt that he basically pressured me into purchasing after shaming my stack of grey, navy, and black. It’s fine! I’m ok with it! But it doesn’t fit my image of myself very well, so I hear you.
(I would like to get to a point where I can put together a slick outfit but I’m still working on that as I inch ever closer to 40. Maybe by the time I’m 50.)
pink actually goes really well with navy (and quite well with gray and black too) so that sounds win-win!
Good on ya!
For Toasties who want the idea of a capsule wardrobe, but a little more variety? Think of standard categories like “blouse, jeans/slacks, flats” and use that as your non-intimidating starting point. I never look like I’m wearing the same thing, but I wear the uniform above, and it makes those what to wear decisions hella easier.
ps (Get a nice slate grey trouser/skirt, and it will go with just about *any* color of top.)
Cat thread!
Just came back from a POP-UP FREE CAT CAFE.
I’ll just let those words sink in.
Somehow, despite the free drinks and air conditioning, it was almost empty, so the kittens (and staff) were extra friendly and starved for attention. Two of them immediately stacked themselves onto my lap.
Pics below.
“Humaaan! Cuddle us and tell us we’re pretty!”
Sooo much kitty spam for my Instagram feed.
Omg that first one! What a beauty queen.
oh my goodness, small friends! I would have had a very hard time not absconding with them all.
A free pop-up cat cafe!!!
Wow, a sphinx kitty! I’ve never actually met one.
Montreal has a free cat cafe (you just have to buy a coffee to stay) and it basically saved me when I got stuck there for weeks on a neverending business trip.
ummmmmm what, I will be there for four days at the end of June for the aforementioned World Cup… brb gotta go rethink my entire trip schedule
Highly recommend. I’m going back to Montreal next week (for work as well as World Cup) and hope to stop in and see the kitties again.
😀 the mere thought of a free cat cafe warmed my heart but the pics… too much cute
I took the best picture of my cats this week.
Gremlincat!
Is anyone else seeing, like, a very impressive cat aura in that first picture??
Yes!
Totally.
This cat is rethinking its life and its choices.
She’s just realized that she’s going to be living with this frat cat for years and years to come. (The grey one started it. The grey one starts everything).
Ooh, I went to a cat cafe just a few days ago! And I took pictures. Here’s the friendliest of the cats. She was extra friendly because I had ordered a pastry and apparently she really likes people food:
“Why aren’t you sharing that blondie with me? WHYYYYY? Can’t you see I have never eaten food in my life?”
Poor starving kitten. Very sad. A+ use of big eyes though.
CATNIP SOCKS
And Saffron being my kindle-rest.
i have very much enjoyed watching your cats develop from legless wintertime cat lumps into full-fledged warm weather play-time kitties <3
When we got back from vacation and before we retrieved our dogs, or cats made the most of owning the whole house:
Aw, orange and white is my favorite kitty coloring. What a beautiful centerpiece!
I am brand new to owning a cat for the first time ever(!) and still discovering things about cats. Or at least, my cat. Turns out that my cat loves having a hand/arm resting on his back/shoulders. i can do that like, for hours and he is the happiest cat in the world.
do all cats like this? What are other cat things? How do I cat?
Today’s way of successfully catting will not be tomorrow’s, so when your cat suddenly hates having your hand resting on him, that is normal.
Saffron likes having her chin resting on my hand. Or on the table, but she hates holding her own head up.
Samwise is the strangest little man. I am starting to note that cat preferences are very very changeable. He loves having his chin rubbed, but if my hand is in front of his face at the wrong angle(?) he’ll nip/run away. I dunno. Cats are strange people.
All cats are special little snowflakes. We say this about people, but it’s really actually true of cats.
Kneel before me, puny human.
That is an amazing picture! Needs to be printed out enormous and on a wall somewhere.
Thanks! That glowing cube thing is supposedly designed to be an end table, but with an incandescent bulb in it it’s basically an electric cat butt warmer.
Casimir is a Caz.
Marlowe the boneless lap blanket:
With come-hither eyes and everything!
Caught Kismet in a yawn last night
So fluffy, so fierce
POP-UP FREE CAT CAFE
rhubarb quiche! honestly that combination never even occurred to me, but now I have to try it. luckily there’s a rhubarb plant in my backyard 🙂
my go-to quiche has caramelized onions, mushrooms, garlic, thyme, and whatever cheese is lying around (preferably parmesan and gruyere, or cheddar). om nom nom. usually I do store bought crusts, but the last couple times I’ve done homemade and they were sooo tasty. (not blind-baked, though, because that is a skill I do not have 🙁 alas)
Hey hey let’s talk about MUSIC SITES.
I’m still in mourning about GrooveShark. It wasn’t beautiful but it worked. I wish I’d written down my playlist track listings before they disappeared forever… I mean, I’m still not over muxtape. Anyone around for the days of muxtape??
Anyways, these days I mostly use YouTube, SoundCloud, and 8tracks. Share your 8tracks suggestions if you’re so inclined!
And I leave you with a couple early-summer jams:
Applebee’s Bar by Spraynard for the angry teen suburbanite in you
2 On (TOKiMONSTA remix) by Tinashe for lazy warm-weather drinking and jamming by the pool
Songza is my jam. All pre-set lists but I’m very lazy and self-conscious about my music knowledge, so it works for me SO well.
I listen to a lot of different fan mixes on 8tracks. Some are better than others, but there is a nice wide range of music there.
i have an 8 tracks account where i like to post mixes (here) but when it comes to listened to music at work, i’m either listening to a specific song on youtube, or i’m listening to songza. I LOVE SONGZA. i love how they build lists not only by genre but also by mood, activity, etc.
I use Songza to find new stuff usually now, and have an Rdio subscription (actually I’m bumming on a friend’s ‘family plan’) for when I want to find full albums.
I’ve sold my soul to Spotify Premium with no regrets. The “radio” feature is total garbage and their pre-made playlists are just okay, but I’m mostly in it to spend way too much time making my own playlists and also for the offline feature.
I have a Spotify account and it’s been my go-to since the Grooveshark litigation started, but I hate that I have to download a thing to listen to it. I don’t like downloading non-work software to work computers, and I like to just be able to pull up a browser on whatever computer I’m near, sign in, and get my playlists–friend’s houses, parties, work. So: Spotify is good, but it doesn’t fill the “music website” niche I really crave.
Oh, man. Here’s a quote from the 8tracks email I got the other day:
“We love you, and you love queer, lesbian, gay & bisexual playlists, so naturally we thought we’d send one over.”
That is some A-plus accumulation of metadata right there, and the playlist was glorious. The NSA could engrave “listened to that one female cover of Work Song exactly 2,394 times” on my gravestone if only it would send me the queer media I’m missing out on.
All my 8tracks emails are like “here are some sexy trance EDM stoner chill songs for you!” and I’m like
where
did you get that idea
I mostly listen to indie pop, pop punk, and fanmix stuff on 8tracks, none of it is really “chill.” So I’m jealous of your relatively accurate emails.
Mine are mostly “oh hey, do you want to listen to even more hufflepuff pride or Dragon Age companion mixes? We know do!”
I don’t listen to 8tracks enormously often but when I do, it’s generally this playlist:
God’s Gonna Cut You Down by Verabeara: a southern gothic playlist. It is incredible. I’ve listened to it all the way through at least ten times.
BLESS YOU. This playlist is amazing. I am definitely stealing like half of it for my thematically similar Spotify playlist, “swampy yet satisfying.”
In quiche-tangental news, ripe tomatoes showed up at our farmers’ market last weekend, so I bought too many of them, and made the world’s best tomato pie. It was delightful. I highly recommend making it as soon as you have decent tomatoes. http://gardenandgun.com/article/tomato-pie-recipe
Savory non-quiche pie recipes can go here if you wish.
(if anyone is wondering, my teeth are much better. The second half of the procedure was much less painful. Thank you for all your soft food recommendations)
Glad to hear it went well! Sometimes half the battle with dental things is the anxiety about them, which is really hard to put aside because your teeth are right there by your brain. Chew on!
Thanks!
Eep! I went rollerblading for the first time this year on wednesday and fell and broke my wrist 🙁 I am currently in a splint and the doctor is suggesting surgery. My family thinks I should go for a second opinion, but the hospital I go to is one of the best in the country, and it just seems like the easiest, quickest option (as opposed to being in a cast for 6 weeks). Anyone have experience or thoughts they think could be helpful?
Oh, snd stpid potholes on bike paths that caused me to fall in the first place >:(
Oh no, poor you! I dunno, a second opinion couldn’t hurt, could it? What are the drawbacks of surgery, or what are they worried about?
I bet you can submit a complaint to the city about the potholes. Maybe Ron Swanson will come fix it for you.
I’d probably go for it assuming the reasons the doctor is saying make sense to you.
So, probably not the BEST time to ask, but I’ve been thinking about buying a pair of rollerblades (I haven’t owned any since probably middle school) and I was wondering if you had recommendations on brand/fit/etc.?
Regarding your actual question: It seems to me that the wrist/hand area is particularly delicate, and could cause range-of-motion or fine-motor-skills problems down the road if it doesn’t set exactly right. I am not suuuuuuch a huge fan of surgery, because it’s expensive and recovery sucks and pain meds are addictive, etc., but I would recommend getting a second opinion while mentally preparing for surgery. Casts are great and I’m sure most people with broken wrists have them heal fine, but you might be that one case where it heals funky and you’ll have to get surgery anyway.
I have more owl pictures! They’ve been hanging out in the trees and ignoring the crows and magpies that come and yell at them.
Someday I will remember to bring my actual camera to work so I have better pictures than just fuzzy cell phone pictures.
After being completely apathetic to all things makeup and skin care for most of my life, I suddenly find myself ON THE HUNT for a good foundation. I currently use Tarte Amazonian Clay but I find it a little too matte for my liking. Does anyone have any good recommendations for a foundation that will give a good natural-looking glow (without being oily) and will not bankrupt me?
On another note, I watched Montage of Heck last night and found it really good! I have always rolled my eyes a little at the collective cultural Kurt Cobain Hero Worship, but I thought the film was really well made and gave a great sense of him. Has anyone else seen it? What were your FEELINGS?
Happy Friday!
I am a big fan of Neutrogena Healthy Sheer SPF 30 (I think that’s what it’s called? I’m trying to do this from memory). It’s a tinted moisturizer/sunscreen. You do have to put a lot on to get the benefit of the sunscreen though.
I like Dr. Jart’s Water+ BB cream for natural coverage, not oily but not matte. If it is too light for you, check out Cover FX.
I think “Montage of Heck” is for non-fans, really. There wasn’t much of anything new revealed there, after a lot of fanfare that we would be seeing a side of the story that we HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE! Well, not really.
YMMV, but I find that I really like a loose powder. I’ve been using Physician’s Formula mineral powder for a few years–a light dusting gives surprisingly good sun protection and doesn’t feel greasy or anything. It’s not cheap but a little goes a long way.
It will bankrupt you, but Diorskin Nude foundation is unbelievable. $50 a bottle, but it’s lasted me since September and shows no signs of being empty yet. It’s easy to put on, smells excellent and looks great and not very makeup-y.
Ugh, I’m kind of hating myself right now you recommending something that’s probably not available in the US. but bourjois healthy mix is awesome and relatively cheap (it’s available in ASOS.com).
Ooooh, is the Tarte stuff super matte? (My only two criteria for my own personal face skin are: (1) as uniformly pale as possible, and (2) matte matte matte always totally matte.)
For your purposes, you might like the Bobbi Brown BB Cream — it’s light-to-medium coverage, and I mostly use it on days I think I might be outside for long periods, because it has good SPF. For more coverage and less SPF (and more $$$) I like Lancome Teint Idole Ultra. (It is stupid expensive, but my bottle has been going strong for almost a year-and-a-half now, so.)
I like the Loreal True Match (they have Lumi, which is more glowy, but doesn’t come light enough for me) or Maybeline Fit Me with the purple label for less matte foundations. I’m also a fan of mixing foundations to get something just right.
I swear by Make Up Forever HD Foundation. I put some on once in front of coworkers and they ooo’d & ahh’d at the transformation. Somehow it creates perfect coverage while looking like just really healthy/dewy skin.
Smashbox 15hour. It’s incredible, buildable, and if you use a primer before applying, you will realize that you’ve gone an entire day without needing to touch up or feeling melty. It is worth every penny of its $45 price tag.
I weirded out my coworkers just now by asking why people can’t just mail in paperwork for legal unions. You have to be there in person? WHY? It’s just a tax/legal thing! I think people should get city hall ceremonies and their own ceremonies as they wish, but man, there’s so much stuff about getting married that I just don’t get.
(PS I am very single and not getting married at this time, although everyone’s stories about engagement shoots and why they are good ideas was very interesting in that other thread.)
So some kind of disinterested government official can verify that both people involved in the legal union are consenting adults who know the marriage exists. Otherwise I think a lot of people would be forging Channing Tatum’s signature.
Although some states have an exception where you can marry someone by proxy, but it’s generally intended for cases where one partner is deployed overseas. I imagine there’s a lot of paperwork.
Sigh. I guess that makes sense. We need to fix these things in the future.
We had to raise our right hands and solemnly swear that we weren’t cousins, weren’t drunk, and didn’t have syphilis. We still giggle about it, 11 years later.
Eep! I went rollerblading for the first time this year on wednesday and fell and broke my wrist 🙁 I am currently in a splint and the doctor is suggesting surgery. My family thinks I should go for a second opinion, but the hospital I go to is one of the best in the country, and it just seems like the easiest, quickest option (as opposed to being in a cast for 6 weeks). Anyone have experience or thoughts they think could be helpful?
and curse the bike paths with potholes that caused me to trip and fall in the first place! >:(
Quiche makes me so happy! I never realized it was a Fancy Thing, because my mom always used to make what I think of as “american quiche”–store bought crust, cheddar and swiss, tons of bacon and broccoli. I can appreciated fancy quiches now, but I’m always just a little disappointed to find onions and gruyere and other things that are generally considered to enhance a recipe. Give me cheddar and bacon any day! (insert “Freedom” gif here)
Toasties I have had one of those weeks where nothing major bad happened, but lots of little things added up to me questioning everything. I am discontent and feel like I’m spinning my wheels. Change is coming, but not for another year at least. In the meantime I need to be patient and figure out how to keep muddling through. How do you cope? How do you keep on getting through day after day when the things you want feel like they’re so far away?
What I’ve done for the last few months is given myself a project. I give myself a completely arbitrary goal, and then find a way to track my progress. I’m awful with arts and crafts, but my cousin is great at it, so her projects usually involve making something. Mine tend to be weirder, like reading a list of books, trying a new recipe, or mapping out and taking photos at every enclosed shopping mall in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. (There are *EIGHTEEN* of them, btw.) Just giving myself a task to focus on helps to keep me from letting the little things pile on top of each other.
I’m in the same boat and have been for the last two years.
What helped me cope was making little changes and seeing them as steps closer to my goal.
Putting a little bit of money in my savings will help me to move to X city.
Write for at least one hour a day, one hour worth of words added to this X project.
And so on…
I have plenty of bad days too, so this is a nice reminder to myself.
How do you keep on getting through day after day when the things you want feel like they’re so far away?
Change something small. Take a class or go on a trip or get a bike. Even something as insignificant as switching up my commute for a week helps me feel more engaged when I start to get stuck in a rut.
I’ve been watching Aquarius with David Duchovny, and I am strongly convinced that I would have been very irritated by hippies as an adult in the 60’s.
My parents are watching this and always just rant about how no one can get the counter-culture right on TV (this and Mad Men). So maybe realy hippies would not have been as annoying to you? Or maybe annoying in totally different ways.
Hippies annoy me now as a twenty-something. I don’t think I would have survived in the late sixties.
I sped through that show and am now reading Jeff Guinn’s really excellent Manson biography. Main takeaways at this point: The Haight Ashbury sounds disgusting. And sexual assault during the Summer of Love was really really common. And the Diggers were sexist as hell; even with their community anarchism it was the women in the group who were responsible for dumpster diving and cooking up the free meals they provided.
Also everything about the following poster for the Human Be-In leads me to believe that the hippie scene would not have been my thing:
Did anybody else see Jezebel today kind of snottily reporting on Nick leaving the Toast? Which happened, what, two or three months ago?
I normally avoid Jezebel but it’s a VERY slow day at work today.
i did see that and was like STAY IN YOUR LANE JEZEBEL
I am confused that the article begins “Jezebel has learned” which like…Mallory openly noted it in a post several months ago I believe! It is no secret!
They had all of their best reporters investigating it.
I poured through the comments looking for something I’d missed. Lo, I had missed nothing. Someone was like ‘Is it a slow news day at Jezebel?’ To which the writer said ‘No.’ BUT METHINKS IT WAS.
I just read that article and felt I had to bring the following comment to everyone’s attention:
It sucks because it is the best website ever! Although honestly? The other reason I spend more time on Jezebel, besides how Jezebel updates more often and doesn’t crash my computer, is that the Toast commenters intimidate me. They have all read every book ever written. They never misspell anything. They know how to do grammar real good. They are hilarious, but in that “girl funny” way (which is the best way to be funny) with turns of phrase and trenchant observations and shit. They never use politically incorrect terminology. And they are all so kind and supportive of one another without being lame about it. I am terrified of their perfection.
*preens*
ahaha I saw that too! I think you are mistaken about how cool I am, kind internet stranger.
Shh, don’t tell everyone!! No no, kind internet stranger, we are really all that cool.
Honest…
What makes me a little sad about that comment (while still preening! of course!) is that Jezebel used to be like that for me. Like, early Jezebel commentariat was my introduction to online friendship and feminism and all those things! I went to a Jezebel meet-up and met Megan Carpentier when I was not yet 21 and didn’t have a fake and was just praying that the fancy bar wouldn’t card me! And now the Jezebel comments are just lame and sad, and I have The Toast, but I’m still nostalgic.
Aww, we met on Jez a zillion years ago. I think you were still HS BW at that point.
College, presumably? Jezebel launched right before I graduated from high school and I started commenting as a college freshman.
Probably, then! In any event, it’s been awhile. 🙂
Me too! Oh, back in the day. Now I skim Jezebel but haven’t commented since Kinja became a thing.
Yeah, Jezebel was A Place for me (though I never went to any meetups) and introduced me to so much about feminism and intersectionality…and now it just exists, sort of limply, despite the best efforts of people like Jia and Anna Merlan.
Same. Saaaaaame.
MrChouffe read me that one and I was like *bask*
I thought that comment was interesting too especially the books part because that is certainly what made me start commenting on the toast. I was like holy shit THESE ARE MY PEOPLE. They read books, they read more books than I do, they like jokes about classical literature and its great. I might be a little nervous about commenting but not as much as I was on other websites. I lurked Imgur for like a year before saying anything. Might be the possibility of being downvoted though.
“girl funny” though… hmmmmm
At the first Toronto Toast meetup Nicole told the bouncer to tell any awkward librarian-type girls who showed up that we were upstairs and I was like “… that’s literally me”
omgrsh that is a great story I think because of the combination of the words “bouncer” and “librarian type girls” it’s just fun- also there are toast meet ups? I want to go to there.
Yeah, that really confused me. The most thumbsed-up comment I made this week was a joke about gay mountaineer erections. Male gay mountaineer erections. Last I checked, that’s 12-year-old-boy humor.
There’s a huge picture of pig nards in this very thread, because we are mad classy (note: just to be absolutely clear, I love being on a blog with people who also think pig nards are hilarious. Because they are.)
I did take the picture specifically to post on here.
BALLS (Brought to you by favorite comments of imgur, cosponsored by “to the frontpage!”)
That being said I will always love Tyrannosaurus rekt.
related, meta? : http://the-toast.net/2015/06/04/that-gay-mount-ev…
Okay but I just searched back through your comment history to read it (because I missed it the first time) and I want to point out that it was a REALLY GOOD mountaineer boner joke, well done.
Aww, thanks!
(I still cannot believe this didn’t happen once in the whole gay mountain post.)
For the record I totally almost posted ‘something, something, brokeback everest’ on that post. Damn my lack of reliable internet at the time. Damn it all to heck.
I’m definitely puzzled as to what “girl funny” entails.
Glorious. [updates resume]
Funny, I don’t comment on Jezebel (and other sites I read more often) because the sheer number of comments intimidates me. There’s no way someone else hasn’t made my joke or observation!
yes! that! and also the fact that I’d be on the greys ones and I don’t have the patience to stick around long enough to make it into the blacks.
Damn straight they oughta be terrified of my perfection. I mean our. Our collective perfection.
*whispers* what is “girl funny?”
I chose to believe that it means kind, witty and illuminating of the human condition. Although it could be a reference to Mallory’s textile arts trolling in the western art series.
We are, in fact, beautiful and terrible as the dawn.
LOVE US AND DESPAIR.
Pretty sure everybody does.
i have truly found my people here <3
Girl funny. Well then.
“Terrified of my perfection” is something all people should be. This internet stranger has made my day.
See, that had the opposite effect on me. The Toast is the only place on the internet I bother *reading* comments, let alone writing them.
Oh, Jezebel commentatress, you have no idea how wrong you are.
is it wrong if I think it’s funny that this person says we “never use politically incorrect terminology” and then immediately uses the ableist term “lame”?
I read that too, and thought ‘maybe if I comment more on the toast (read every day, almost never comment) the awesomeness of the other commenters will percolate to me’.
I had the same thought, and I think after over a year it is starting to happen!
I feel like I should be like “poop poop poop I never talk about books but farts are funny” just to set the record, well, not straight but… you get the idea.
I totally missed Nick’s leaving!
Me too!
Me three! (That is the intelligent perfect sort of comment that I should be aspiring to, right?)
Me four. Can anyone point me to the post where Mallory announced it?
It was a tweet, IIRC?
tweet
Thank you!
I feel like I read it in the comments to something else too, but I cannot for the life of me find where.
Someone asked about it in the comments to an Open Thread, I think, and Nicole confirmed it.
I haven’t the faintest why they reported on it now. Let alone at all.
I loved the comment that was something like “You only think the commenters are so smart because they curate the comments over there any anything that isn’t smart or funny is deleted.” To which I thought “You’ve clearly never read some of the dumb comments I’ve posted.”
Seriously, have they not paid attention to any of my bad puns? I think I need to step my game up.
I commented in that thread to be like, a) NO the comments are NOT THAT CURATED buddy, just don’t be a doofus and you’re good b) I know this because I make a lot of terrible comments! c) also I’M STILL IN THE GREYS AFTER BEING A JEZZIE FOR A MILLION YEARS BUT I’M NEVER GREY ON THE TOAST, TALK TO ME ABOUT HIERARCHIIIIIIIIIES.
But my post never showed up. Not even in the greys. *hands*
Ugh the greys. That’s what killed it for me.
I’m mighty close to done myself! The internet is a very social place for me, and if I’m not interacting with people, I eventually lose interest.
That and some of the writers are getting weird, mean, and hyperdefensive in comments, and it makes me uncomfortable. Take ’em down if they need it – Mallory and Nicole are perfect examples of people who aren’t afraid to do that – but don’t get rabid maybe? idk, it’s just a lot less fun than it used to be over there.
Yeah, this is how I feel, too. I occasionally pop over there from io9, but even then I rarely comment unless it’s something I’m willing to a) come back and defend, and b) absolutely 100% know my shit about. It (and all Gawker media, imo) gets toxic too quickly for me to be willing to be a more active part of their commenters.
We do a LOT of bad pun work, collectively, so I’m not sure what’s up with that comment.
Girl, your pun game is perfection.
Your gif game is a thing of beauty, Manka. Every time.
SEE
I am in awe. Libations to you goddess of GIFs.
Exactly what I was thinking. About my own comments, not yours.
My favorite was the commenter who tried to start an inter-site fight over the quote “a popular lady site frequented by post-structuralist art history fans.” The thread degenerates into infighting over whether Jezebel is a Rihanna site or a Kardashian site. What even.
I loved the comments from the people who said they couldn’t stand Mallory. Clearly intimidated. Remain among the mediocrity, peons.
Pshaw! I am simply very much Not For Everyone, and it does not surprise me in the least that the earth is full of perfectly non-mediocre people who find me not to their liking.
“I am simply very much Not For Everyone”
STORY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah this is really an A+ general life philosophy!
My life got so much better when I realized that this was a truth. Everyone’s not for everyone. Everyone has their own set of right people, and a corresponding set of other people who don’t get them, and it doesn’t mean anything other than “people vary” and “life is a rich tapestry.”
Yeah, I saw, it bummed me out 🙁 I don’t really go on Jezebel anymore but I like a few of their sub-blogs– Kitchenette and Millihelen– and occasionally get sidetracked.
I’m just… really, really glad that there are still a few places on the internet that are civil and kind. There was some discussion on a link roundup this week about “aggressive” editorial styles re:Serious Eats, and it just made me very happy that the Toast can engender real and productive discussion without devolving into “our ideas are the best and everyone else’s are stupid.”
Yeah, one of the the reasons I like The Toast so much is that the comment-space isn’t toxic sniping.
But is still a place for serious, important debate, because this is a safe space for grownups to sometimes disagree with each other. It’s the best!
Ahahahaha the comment that calls Jezebel a Kardashian news site! Good to know it hasn’t changed since the Hugo Screwyourself incident, which was when I just straight-up replaced my Jezebel bookmark with a Toast bookmark and never looked back.
“The Toast, a popular lady site frequented by post-structuralist art history fans.”
I mean, they’re not wrong. That’s a perfect description of my PhD.
I’m trying to determine in advance what the correct number of gin and tonics is to drink when I go to karaoke tomorrow to celebrate my birthday, because every time I have gone to this particular bar I have ended up way too drunk and at least one person in my group always ends up puking (last time it was me). I don’t know if they just serve really strong drinks or if there’s something about karaoke that makes me lose track of how much I’ve imbibed, but I just don’t want to be the one who pukes this time. I want to reach the exact right level, like the last time I went there when some random drunk dude came up to me on the street as I was leaving and tried to hug me and I shoved him away and yelled “DON’T HUG RANDOM WOMEN! THAT’S BULLSHIT!” right in his face.
I don’t know about counting drinks but my rule is: Every time you pee, drink a glass of water before your next alcoholic drink. It works really well.
The only limit that works for me is two- once I have three it seems like a fantastic idea to just keep going.
Arrgh. Some professor does a lecture on “optimum drinking” and I can’t find the article! He pretty much says two drinks over 3-5 hours if I remember correctly.
THAT’S MY EXACT PROBLEM WITH PINTS.
Yeah maybe I just need to work on my decision-making skills? It’s exponentially worse when I start a tab because I don’t have to think about if I have enough cash and how much to tip etc whenever I want another drink. Because those things are Future Catweazle’s problem.
Perhpas another, less refreshing drink would be a better idea? I never get in trouble with whiskey, because when I’ve had enough, it suddenly starts tasting awful. Cocktails are sneaky!
That is some good yelling though.
That is some serious superpower shit right there and it is precisely the opposite of what happens when I drink my beloved, dangerous whiskey.
Are you being served doubles? That throws me off.
Happy Birthday! Here are some Drake lyrics potentially relevant to you:
“I’m about being single, seeing double, making triple”
I alternate a glass of water with every alcoholic drink. If it’s a sitting situation I sometimes order the drink and the water at the same time and I don’t let myself get up for another until they’re both empty.
when you start to see double, STOP IMMEDIATELY. The alcohol hasn’t peaked in your system yet!
As for when to start drinking again, it’s probably best to just not. I mean unless it’s only 8PM.
I often read the elle horoscopes for a little giggle (it’s like hey ladies but astrology, incredible, highly recommend), but I discovered that aquarius AS A WHOLE IN GENERAL AT ALL TIMES “romantically, could use a little more oomph”
I am disgruntled! Anyone else enjoy vaguely letting astrology wash over them for the lolz?
Yes. I am a Scorpio double whammy (sun and moon sign) so I like to think that it makes me even more inclined to eat the weak.
Oh, yeah. I’m a Sagittarius, which is evidently shorthand for “commitment issues” in the astrology world. Thing is, we’re right after Scorpio, which is shorthand for “BAD BITCH ALERT”, so it feels like we’re almost an afterthought.
My favorite part of horoscopes is the different ways they address you. Like if they’re not “the stars are in your relationship zones, Sag!” it’s like, “you know how this goes, Archer” or something like that. It’s just weird.
There there. My little sister (two years and one day apart) is a Sagittarius and I’m a Scorpio. Stealing thunder is just what we do.
I’m an aquarius and I always feel like I’m not living up to the expectation of being creative and kind of floaty and out there. I guess that’s what I need to work on…
haha YES. I am a Leo and sometimes if I’ve had a few too many boozes, I get uppity if I am not being treated as royalty. I AM A LEO BUTTHEAD AND I TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.
I would be more into letting astrology wash over me for the lolz if my sign wasn’t always described in a way that absolutely does not describe me even a whit. I’m an Aries, so the descriptions are always about loud and bullheaded extrovert-types who are the life of the party and get into passionate and heated situations all the time. I am not so inclined, hah.
What’s fun is that my SO is the same way, except his sign is Leo. It’s like we’re both at odds with our astrological signs.
Well, my boyfriend is an Aquarius, and that’s not the worst description of him … (if you are reading this, sorry, I love you.)
Quiche! I too usually use the frozen store-bought crust, but one of my Personal Goals for this summer is learning how to make pie crust. I got a food processor recently and think that will make the process easier, but I’m also open to old-school recipes that require pulling out a big-ass bowl and my pastry cutter? GIVE ME YOUR PIE CRUST TIPS, Toasties!
I’m pretty sure the recommendation will be to use lard.
…Nope! Not happening. I keep kosher, pork products are a big ol’ nope in my life. So butter-or-shortening I guess?
Shortening.
I say lard only because I had a friend enter the Iowa State Fair with a pie and one of the rules was no lard in the pie crust. Of course, he used lard and ended up winning the whole shebang. I’ve never actually used lard myself…I’m a shortening person and use a pastry cutter, just like I learned in 9th grade home ec!
High-five for fellow kosher keeper! When I make pie crusts, I put a stick or two of butter (or, if I’m making something that needs to be parve/fleishich, margarine) in the freezer until they’re hard, and then chop them in the flour with two knives until it looks like coarse meal. Then, when actually putting the crust together, the trick is to actually meddle as little with the dough formation as possible — work it just until it comes together, then leave it alone and let it chill in the refrigerator.
If this doesn’t quite make sense (I have no idea how well I’m explaining this), I advise reading Michael Ruhlman’s “Ratio”, which made a lot of dough-making click for me.
this is exactly how i learned to make crust at my baking job.
…but with butter and lard.
Lard is pretty great and all but I am an evangelist for coconut oil in pie crust. MAGIC.
oooooooh must try
honestly, I find using a food processor makes it really easy for me to overmix/add too much water. I’m a fan of the big-ass bowl + pastry cutter route!
(also I am an All Butter girl when it comes to pie crust, but that’s mainly because I don’t keep lard lying around in my fridge. butter, on the other hand…)
I am assuming I will prove to be an All Butter All The Time girl, because that’s how I approach the rest of my baking. Unless I’m making non-dairy dessert to go with a meat meal (kosher!) and then it’s all about the vegan butter substitutes, which have vastly improved in the past ten years or so.
Vodka. It prevents gluten from forming and makes a flakier crust. I think Cook’s Illustrated has a recipe.
yes, and the smell of the cheap vodka I use in pie crust takes me right back to some fun college times 🙂
I think my recipe is from King Arthur Flour – anyway, it recommends 50-50 butter AND shortening, and that’s been working well for me.
Butter and shortening / lard I think is the way to go. I really want to find some real leaf lard but it’s hard to source.
Keep everything cold. Cold water. Cold butter/shortening. Cold bowls. Pop the whole shebang back in the freezer for a few minutes if it feels like it’s warming up.
Ah yes, this is key too.
This is not popular, but I do best with a stand mixer and LARGE pieces of butter, like cut a stick into 8-12 pieces, put the flour/salt in the mixer, butter on top, mix until large pieces of butter remain, drizzle in water as it mixes and stop as soon as it’s shaggy. then press into a ball, pat out and fold in quarters, and then kind of make it a patty, chill in the fridge for 30, pull out for 5, roll out round (move it a lot as you roll it to keep it from sticking, add flour underneath if you have to.
(I used to professional pie-bake, and this is how we did it at the bakery too, only with a larger mixer, and dividing the dough into 100 patties)
I can see that working well, the larger chunks of butter would stay cool longer.
They also allow for more flakiness, like in puff pastry (but less extreme),
ETA: I recommend blind baking for quiche (and other custards) to avoid soggy bottoms
I used this recipe for a quiche a little while ago and it worked pretty well: http://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/all-butter-pie-d…
One of my tricks is that instead of using a rolling pin, I use a chilled bottle of white wine so it keeps the dough cold while I’m rolling it out. Then once the pie is in the oven, I drink the wine.
I make all-butter crusts (no lard here either). I haven’t found a go-to recipe, but I find Dorie Greenspan’s too buttery and the recipe from my sister’s old Woman’s Home Companion cookbook pretty good.. I find that a pastry cutter is actually faster–it’s easier to tell when you’ve cut the butter in enough, and it’s a breeze to clean up (especially when making multiple batches of dough). It’s tricky with food processors to tell if you’re overworking the dough or have the right level of moisture. I just use pastry cutter + fork or knife to clear the tines and pull the flour from the bottom of the bowl. I’m terrible at rolling out dough, though, so I can’t help you there! Oh, also, don’t under-salt!
If you can find a copy of Rose Levy Berenbaum’s Pie & Pastry Bible, follow her instructions for her all-butter crust to the letter a couple of times. Seriously, it’s a giant pain in the ass and you will think whyyyyy am I doing all these steps? But then you will have the most tender, flaky, delightful crust in the goddamn universe and every time you make pie crust after than and skip half her steps you’ll know what pie crust you COULD make if you really felt like it and your just-regular flaky pie crust will be more delicious because of it.
My mom’s easy pie crust:
I use the stir and roll pastry recipe for the dough. 2 cups sifted flour, 1 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup vegetable oil (not olive oil), 1/4 cup cold milk. Mix the flour and salt together then pour in the oil and milk at the same time. Stir with fork until mixed well. Dough looks moist, but isn’t sticky. If there are dry bits, add a drop or two more oil. Form ball and place between two pieces of waxed paper and roll out. Peel off top paper. Lift paper and pastry by top corners. Place paper side up in pie pan and peel off paper. Fit to pie pan and trim around with sharp knife. You should be able to mend any tears by just pressing on it or adding some more dough if there’s a hole and pressing it together.
Google ‘one pie crust to rule them all.’ Can’t remember which food blog it’s from, but after the recipe I used to use didn’t turn out right, this has been my go to.
This is so late you probably won’t see it, but I also make better pie crust than anyone I know, so I’ll comment anyway — forget any gadgets, is my advice. Use all butter, and freeze it. Take it out of the freezer about 15 minutes before you start, to let it thaw a tiny bit, and then…grate it. Using a regular box grater, on the side with the biggest holes, like you’d grate cheese. Grate it directly into your bowl of flour and whatever other dry things you’re using (salt, sugar, any spices), then mix it up with the flour with a fork, and add your liquid. I recommend either half sour cream/yogurt and half cold water plus a good spoonful of lemon juice or vinegar, OR all buttermilk. Mix up with a fork until you have most of the flour moistened, then finish up with your hand, kneading it all together until you don’t have any loose flour left, wrap it up, and leave it in the fridge overnight or for at least 3 hours. It will seem too dry at first, and too wet the next day, but it will be perfect every time, and bake up almost like laminated pastry dough.
I do the frozen grated butter routine as well! I typically use Dorie Greenspan’s recipe, which someone noted above as being too buttery for them.
Too buttery? Madness! (Grated frozen butter also works really well for biscuits and scones, and any recipe that asks for cold cut-up butter, really.)
The way I’vebeen taught to make pastry is as follows:
– half the amount of fat (I use butter) to flour
– keep the water you’re going to use in the fridge so it’s as cold as possible
– have cold hands
– try not to handle the pastry too much
(My method: sieve flour into bowl, add butter cut into small cubes, rub the butter in with fingertips and thumb until the mixture looks like breadcrumbs, add small amounts of cold water to bind.)
Yes! More savory rhubarb recipes please.
Also, for any Toasties who fear pastry may I introduce you to the hot water crust? Tart dough recipe. Leave out the sugar for a savory one, of course.
Quiche crust is so easy. SO EASY.
1 c flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 c olive or canola oil
1/4 c ice water
Mix the dry ingredients together. Whisk the wet ingredients together. Mix all ingredients together. That’s it!
I can confirm that this one for Rhubarb Braised Chicken Thighs is really good. I’ve made it with pork chops, too (with the cooking time changed) and it was also good.
Sold! *updates tonight’s shopping list*
Semi-old news at this point, but I asked my girlfriend last week if she wanted to go on adventures with me forever (it’s a thing; we’re weirdos), and she said yes! 😀 So, other engaged/married Toasties…how do you do this whole wedding-planning thing without going totally mad? Or is it inevitable?
We have a long-ish timeline (or at least it seems that way now) in that we’re not even thinking of getting married until the early fall of 2017, but there just seems to be so much…stuff. It’s hard to know where to start, outside of excitedly showing one another cool wedding decor ideas and throwing around thoughts about the ceremony. Maybe now is just the time to enjoy it, and worry about the details later? Basically, I like to plan the things, but this particular thing is super overwhelming.
CONGRATS
Also, “go on adventures with me forever” is so perfect.
It’s bonkers! Unless you have done event planning for work or something the learning curve seems ridiculous. And then people start asking questions you have never even considered! I also like to plan all the things but I don’t know anything about these things.
I just read the A Practical Wedding book and liked it a lot as a big-picture overview. (The one thing that bugged me about it: it’s all about deconstructing traditions and stereotypes and all that, but it’s obviously written with a woman-doing-most-of-the-planning in mind, e.g. stuff like “your bridesmaids” but never “your groomsmen.” I guess that’s not an issue for a lady-couple but a heads-up that it’s not perfect in that particular mission, and maybe there’s some other language that will rub y’all the wrong way.)
So far we have made one sanity-saving decision which is: we know of two venues that would be good in different ways, and we are not going to even consider maybe googling any others unless they don’t work out.
Congrats!! I honestly wouldn’t worry about anything until ~18 months out or so and just have fun together for the next year!
You will go crazy and freak out about SOMETHING, it’s inevitable, but as long as you take what the wedding industrial complex has to offer (budget spreadsheets! day of timeline spreadsheets!) and leave its BS (~~you must have [insert anything that isn’t two people in love and an officiant]~~), you should be okay 🙂
We have a year to go and my plan is to just limit my choices as much as possible. We looked at two venues, and will probably go with the food people that the venue we chose spoke highly of. I’ve got two possible dresses picked out, and will be going with the cheaper one unless I happen to find a store sample of the more expensive one online. Too many choices and fear of missing out will make you bananas!
Also, congratulations!
CONGRATULATIONS! The only advice I have is to look around at venues pretty early – maybe not now but sometime this year. Depending on where you live, venues can get booked really, really far out. My fiance and I were looking at venues in February and March of this year for fall 2016 and many were already booked.
Other than that, sit back and enjoy emailing each other cool stuff 🙂
Mazel tov, etc.
And I have nothing pertinent to add. I don’t do relationships. (Time will tell if this is good or bad.)
Congratulations!! I hope your adventures are wonderful. 🙂
Think of wedding planning as adventure planning; it involves a lot of looking at catalogs, figuring out whens and wheres, and sending a lot of emails back and forth. We considered looking at venues a big adventure – we only looked at 5, but spent time in all sorts of interesting places on the way.
For how-tos and support, I loved A Practical Wedding (the book, less-so the blog), and Offbeat Bride (although I find the site a little less…earnestly creative and more Pinterest-bait, these days?) DO NOT READ I THEE DREAD on the Jezebel sub-blogs; you will feel like a terrible person no matter what choices you make or needs you have, it’s a disaster. Unless you love disasters – I just remember reading a lot of Jezebel posts about weddings before mine and feeling like a shit person for inconveniencing people with my celebration of love and hope. :/
It will be less overwhelming once you start looking at checklists, honestly. The big checklist questions: do we have a place to get married, at a time, on a day? Will we be wearing clothing? Will someone perform the service? Will we be feeding our guests? Offering them drink? Entertaining them? How many of them will there be? Everything else is fun fiddly bits. Enjoy! 🙂
Congrats! I got married 1.5 years ago (also to a woman) and we did basically the opposite thing – planned it as fast as possible so it would be over. I think the total planning timeline was 5 months. I did not go mad, but I think I would have if we’d drawn it out any longer.
I also recommend A Practical Wedding for all sorts of sane tips and advice. And the only things that really need to be settled as soon as possible are location, date, venue. Otherwise, play around with ideas as much as you want!
Congratulations!
You’ll probably go at least a bit mad. Just try not to yell at each other too much about it. (One of the only times I’ve ever screamed at Mr. LF was when he was slacking about getting his cousin’s address. His cousin who lives in Australia and was not at all going to actually come to the wedding. Not important!)
Set your limits early and stick to them – like, no favors, not even if you find the cutest perfectest most wonderful thing! Budget creep is real and can have stunning proportions.
Speadsheets can be very helpful, if you’re that sort of person. Delegate everything you feel comfortable delegating. Don’t get caught up in the wedding-industrial complex, but then *also* don’t get caught up in the alternative wedding my-tablescape-is-so-casual-it-only-took-thirty-hours-per-table-to-handcraft business either. I mean, if 30 hour tablescapes are your thing, go for it, but so long as there’s cake and your smiling faces, your guests don’t care!
Also if at all possible do hire a planner or use a venue that coordinates everything or something like that.
Congrats! Aw, yay to you both!
I wasn’t stressed out about my wedding at all, beyond the nervousness I get when I have to go to an event. Our venue included food and cake, so that was easy. Dress was a white thing my mom found on a clearance rack at Macy’s. For the actual marriage, we just went to the city hall and then afterward we had brunch. I dunno. I think the stress level depends on what you bring into it. We approached it as a party for family and friends that we didn’t need to cook for or clean up afterwards. Basically all we had to do was show up, hang out with our peeps, and eat some cake. So it was awesome!
I had my mind blown at a stealth wedding. I was invited to a potluck at a(n unmarried) couple’s apartment. Wore boots, my best jeans, and a favorite chunky sweater. After everyone was mingling and eating, couple disappeared briefly. One of the “guests” spoke up from the center of the room and asked us all for our attention. We got quiet and the couple appeared from a bedroom, newly dressed in cocktail dress (hers) and blazer (his). They joined Center Of The Room Man, who began reading a wedding ceremony. I started crying even before they got to the vows they wrote themselves.
That was years ago. And I am still in awe of how they avoided all the hoopla and pressure of the modern wedding traditions.
Congratulations on your lifetime adventures partnership! Any way you choose to celebrate your commitment is the right way, for you.
that is brilliant and charming and sounds ideal! Except…how did they get guests to come to the potluck from out of town / not show up late or flake out? Or did they just decide not to worry about that? That must have been a big leap of faith in their friends & family, which charms me even more.
My sister did something sort of similar, only it was a big family&friends picnic. Some people didn’t come, and some weren’t able to be there for the whole thing, but a) because it was framed by all to be a Big Deal Family Occasion, people treated it that way, even if they weren’t really sure why, and b) they told their immediate families, so we knew, and generally pressured people to actually show up and on time, and if they seemed like they were flaking for bad reasons, we’d just straight up tell them what was up.
So it wasn’t as big a surprise as the story RoseCamelia related, but it was also pretty low key, informal, and avoided much of the hoopla/pressure.
They got firm commitments from a handful of people they deemed important. Mr. Rose had loaned them some tools and was told he’d never see them again if he didn’t attend this party. One or two people were given hints enough to overcome hesitation. Some were told “we’re making a big announcement”. Some thought it would be a pregnancy reveal, but it wasn’t. Others thought they were announcing a fabulous new job, since one of the couple had recently completed a PhD. Nope.
No out-of-town guests for this event, but that would be easy, actually. You plan your stealth wedding around their already scheduled visit. If guests bought unrefundable plane tix, you’re all set. That is, the date of the visit comes first. Event planning commences after travel tickets are purchased.
That’s awesome. My important people are way too geographically spread out for this to be a good option, but I love that other folks have made it work!
I WANT TO DO THIS SO BAD TELL ME ALL THEIR SECRETS FOR PULLING IT OFF
See my comment above. Here to add: The couple’s honeymoon plans included visits to geographically remote important people. They simply told those people, after they arrived, Surprise! We’re married now! They explained that they had a mostly spontaneous vows ceremony too quickly to include RemoteFolks. For the most important Remotes, they let their parents throw a reception and invite anyone the parents wanted to. These parents had previously behaved very badly and deserved to be fully excluded from this couple’s lives. So the couple got the stress-free, dysfunctional-parent-free ceremony they wanted, while the parents got to host the party they wanted.
Oh man, this is all such great advice, thanks everybody! My mom recommended A Practical Wedding to me already, but it’s nice to have it confirmed as a good source by Toasties–Mom’s advice is usually pretty solid, but she has definite Ideas about what a wedding should/should not be, so.
Mazel tov!
Some insanity is always going to happen, a lot is out of your control, but the most important thing is you and your beloved having an adventure. And if either of you is unhappy with the way the adventure is going, you can always change it!
Here is my favorite wedding-planning story: about nine months or so before our planned wedding, my now-husband and I were having difficulties getting enthusiastic enough about doing the wedding planning. I was in the middle of an internship in DC and he was planning on flying in that weekend to visit me, so I proposed a solution: either we get married that very weekend, or we go see the replica of the USS Enterprise at the National Air and Space Museum.
He paused for a very long time, and then went, “is it original series or TNG?”
“TOS.”
“Oh, if it was TNG I’d definitely want to see it, but since it’s TOS I’m not sure…”
We ended up going to the Natural History Museum and going forward with our planned wedding nine months later, but we always kept in mind that we could elope at any time, and it really helped keep the wedding planning in check and not as a scary monster.
Congratulations!
I dislike planning things and Mr Thuja and I picked a date about 4 weeks before the wedding, so our planning was pretty low key. My only advice is to decide as a couple what is really important to you and then ignore anything else you don’t care about.
First, congrats and that is adorable! I got engaged last November and we are also having a longish engagement (plan is next…September? ish?) which is good because I am OVERWHELMED BY THE PLANNING. I’ve found that it’s good to alternate work on productive but not so fun things (venue research, catering research, nailing down an accurate budget, guest list, etc) with FUN things (taste cakes! design dinosaur-themed centerpieces! try on pretty dresses!) to avoid burnout.
The scariest thing for me is the money- we are paying for the whole thing ourselves (so at least nobody gets to pull the “but I’m paying!” card), and we live in New York, and we’ll probably have to take out a small loan. I have never spent this much on one thing EVER and am by nature a miserly Ebenezer of a person, so that’s been….hard for me. (also, side note to my friends, please stop recommending cool cheap venues in New Jersey, as it is NOT LEGAL FOR ME TO GET MARRIED THERE. STOP RUBBING IT IN). I cannot advise you how to not freak out about that, because I am freaking out all the time! It helps that the betrothed is good at the maths and the plannings and the budgets, so if she says we can afford it I know we can. But ugh.
Above all, be kind to yourself and the fiance- it is a stressful time! Try to enjoy the happy love-feels squishness of it all and not let the scary planning take over your brain and make you a total grump about it. You are marrying someone you luuuuuurve! That is AWESOME. Well done, you!
Congrats!
The best advice I can give is avoid “traditional wedding” literature as much as you can because it’s all geared toward the rich white people ideal of what weddings are and it can become super overwhelming to read about other people’s $50,000 “budget” weddings. Offbeat Bride is a fantastic source.
We found an all inclusive venue and basically let them do the work, which is pretty much the opposite of the way the wedding industry says you’re “supposed” to do things these days but is totally excellent if you have as much interest in the planning side of things as we did (see: +/- none). Well, technically we eloped in Vegas and then did the all-inclusive venue thing as the family follow-up party, but basically, if your interest in weddings is “getting married” rather than “having a wedding” and you are in a position to give other people money to do things for you, I recommend it.
We did write our own vows, which was pretty great and definitely worth the time we spent on it.
HOORAY! 😀
May I highly, highly recommend Offbeat Bride? It is singularly encouraging, and full of approachable, accepting advice.
Friends! I leave tomorrow for a two week vacation in Croatia, Bosnia and Herzogovina, and possibly Montenegro! I am so excited!
One of my flights is ten hours long. I am trying to remember how I’ve coped with epically long flights in the past, and it turns out I blocked them all out. What are your favorite coping mechanisms for spending an entire day sitting uncomfortably in a relatively small box packed like sardines with people you don’t know? I might just take Dramamine and spend the whole time drooling on my husband.
Podcasts. Podcasts as far as the eye can see. That, and an external charger for my phone. I have to have something playing at all times on planes since I get freaked out by noise changes in the air, so podcasts (especially funny ones or ones that are comfort listens) are a GODSEND.
I have actually never listened to a podcast! This might be a good time to start 🙂
A perfect time to start! Let me know if you want any suggestions, and if so what kind you might be interested in- I listen to waaaay too many and they’re of all different genres.
Are there ones that are serialized fiction? Is that a thing? In college, when I had reliable internet, I loved to lie around listening to mysteries on BBC radio.
The ones that are closest to serialized fiction (that I listen to) are probably Welcome to Night Vale and The Thrilling Adventure Hour. If you aren’t familiar with either of them, WTNV is kind of like if Stephen King met Parks and Rec- they’re radio broadcasts from a thoroughly weird small town. Thrilling Adventure Hour is set-up to be like old radio serials, but a parody of them. They do several shows that are long running (‘Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars” and “Beyond Belief” are the main ones) as well as more one-off pieces, and the cast is pretty spectacular (Paget Brewster, Busy Phillips, Paul F Tompkins and Nathan Fillion appear all the time).
Those sound fantastic!
I would also recommend “The Black List Table Reads.” It’s a podcast that does table reads of some of the best unproduced scripts in Hollywood. So far they’ve fully completed two- “BALLS OUT” which is a horrifically obscene and very funny comedy movie about a guy who decides to give no fucks and be a truly horrible person, and “The Other Side” about a Hasidic boy who meets a hipster girl in Williamsburg at the exact time he starts having a crisis with his faith.
And those sound hilarious.
Just as a warning, “The Other Side” is great, but it does have a storyline about molestation and references to sexual assault. But it’s definitely worth a listen and I really hope it gets filmed one day.
BALLS OUT will never get filmed and I am okay with that.
If you like serialized fiction AND the BBC, I like to listen to Cabin Pressure while I’m flying/travelling. It’s a radio play with a four person cast, one of whom is Benedict Cumberbatch and all but the last season are available on iTunes.
I went to Australia with my partner a few years ago, and we spent the nightmarishly long journey listening to Cabin Pressure together with a headphones splitter. It was great.
(Cabin Pressure is hilarious and charming, and feels nice and appropriate for plane travel, being about a charter airline.)
my last giant plane ride I listened to ALL OF SERIAL and it was great.
Get a reliably excellent book – something by a favorite author, or one that comes highly recommended as being un-put-down-able – and don’t let yourself start it until you’re on the plane. Depending on how fast you read, you might need two. For a trans-Atlantic flight a few years ago, I did this with The Secret History. It was by far one of my more enjoyable (or, less torturous) long haul flight experiences.
Yes! This might be where my kindle app really earns its keep- we are only taking carry ons and I have been worried about book space. I have Ancillary Justice and Fortune’s Pawn on there from Toastie Goodreads recommendations.
Weirdly, I always read Raymond Chandler on planes. I have no idea why, but he just works.
I am so excited for your trip, I actually gasped when I read your comment. I hope you have a fabulous time. I love Croatia and Bosnia so much and had such wonderful experiences there…where all are you visiting?
I always took three big books and saved one for the trip home. Actually, if you haven’t read Black Lamb and Grey Falcon by Rebecca West, it is a great introduction to the history of the region. And it is looooonnnnngggg.
Thank you!!! We are flying in/out of Zagreb, and don’t have any fixed plans after that but are generally planning on going to Banja Luka, Jajce, Sarajevo, a hike near Sarjevo, Mostar, Dubrovnik (and maybe an island?), and the Bay of Kotor.
I haven’t read the West, that would be perfect for the plane! I am also bringing The Bridge on the Drina (we might go there too) but I don’t think it will last me very long.
Mostar is very cool and worth the trip. And I’ve never gotten to Dubrovnik, sadly. Split is worth a trip, if you have the time.
Have an amazing trip!
The Bridge on the Drina scarred me for life. My dad convinced me to read it when I was 12 and I was not in any way ready for it. The book report I turned in for it was basically a list of reasons that I couldn’t finish it. I hope you enjoy it more than I did….
Nooooo I am also prone to being scarred for life by books.
Here to second Black Lamb and Grey Falcon!
It’s a travelogue/history written by a woman traveling through the Balkans in 1938, and it’s even better than that sounds, if possible. Robert Kaplan called it more valuable than a map of the region!
If you have a device that can play TV shows or movies, that makes the time fly by (no pun intended). Binge-able TV shows especially.
Earbuds, non-allergenic snacks, and doorstop books.
I second podcasts/audiobooks, with a reasonably long game like Carcassonne or Small World 2 or Settlers of Catan (on your phone, I mean, obviously you will not have a tabletop on which to play). Each game takes about a half-hour or so, and if you are listening to something at the same time the hours will whip by.
Confession: I think I’m a DUFF.
Tell me more (unless you don’t want to talk about it, obvi)
I attempted to give no fucks today but someone bought me coffee and asked me to explain regressions to them and then I gave lots of stats fucks. I give so many fucks about stats, y’all.
yes!!! Statistics are so cool n wonderful
Yeah I was like grumpy grumpy grumpy OH HAY YOU CAN TOTALLY PICK MY BRAIN ABOUT SURVEY DESIGN AND STATISTICS SUDDENLY I LOVE LIFE AGAIN PLEASE PLY ME WITH MORE CAFFEINE
Free coffee and getting to explain sciences to people? Sounds like the best day.
ohhhh this is my favorite thing to do as well!
Heeeyyyy I missed this yesterday but I would really like to talk about statistics please and thank you
Toast, is anyone here from/familiar with New Orleans? I’m thinking about a trip in late October and would love to know where to stay and what to do. We’d like to do without a car, so advice on transportation/the cab situation would be especially handy. Thanks!
I went to NOLA a dog’s age ago, so take this with a grain of salt:
I stayed at St. Vincent’s guesthouse, which has these terrible Yelp ratings but honestly I didn’t have any problems with it? It’s in a cool old hospital building smack dab between the French Quarter and the Garden District, right on a bus line, two blocks or so from the streetcar. Maybe it’s gotten a ton shitter since then or I came on a non-horror weekend, IDK.
Hands down favorite bar in the French Quarter was The Napoleon House. All the servers were about 60 years old wearing bowties. There’s a lovely patio in the back that feels sort of grotto-ish and the Pimm’s cups were delicious.
I really liked the Pharmacy Museum and the Voodoo Museum. Make sure to ask lots of questions if you have them! I met a guy there who was Voodoo Catholic and he was really fascinating to talk to.
Bourbon French Parfums has been in the French Quarter for over 100 years so definitely check that out. Now that I’m a little more well-heeled, if I go back I’m definitely getting a signature scent made up.
The Clover Grill was so so fun. Possibly because the guy working behind the counter was phenomenal to talk to.
I’ve heard good things about Cane & Table, which is a cocktail bar on Decatur.
I just really liked walking around and checking out everything and sometimes riding the streetcar for no particular reason. I hope you have an amazing time!
I am PSYCHED about the Pharmacy Museum and didn’t know about the Voodoo Museum. Thank you! It’s also really great to get a sense of what traditional/touristy things (or neighborhoods, in the French Quarter) are cool in their own right.
Yeah, when I was there we did mostly the touristy route which, whatever man, beignets are delicious and I am a fan of cafe au lait.
Pat O’Briens is horrifying and I wouldn’t recommend it except v. briefly if you want to peek at the flaming fountain in the courtyard. I think they currently make their hurricanes from a mix and I remember them being grossss.
The Central Grocery and Deli is an old standard that does an awesome muffalata if that is your thing. Plus it’s near the golden statue of Joan of Arc.
I’m always down for visiting medical history museums. That is basically the bulk of my museum-going on vacation. Last summer I went to a dental history museum in Charleston.
I love New Orleans! You definitely don’t need a car. The streetcar will get you pretty much everywhere you need to go and you can by unlimited rides for a few days at no to dear a price. Be warned that if you stay in the French Quarter, the rooms tend to be on the smaller side regardless of price. I thought it was worth the trade off, personally. If you want to splurge on accommodations, I love the Monteleone. Even if you don’t stay there, you should get a drink at their carousel bar which is awesome.
I highly recommend going on a walking tour of the Garden District. There’s many awesome houses and the local tour guides have great stories. Ask about how Trent Reznor was apparently a model neighbor!
A huge NOLA draw is the food. You don’t have to go expensive to have some awesome meals. Poboys are amazing, fried alligator to be tried at least once and beignets with cafe au lait are the perfect vacation breakfast.
Is the streetcar decent for getting back after a night of fancy drinks? I’m completely comfortable with public transit but don’t want to end up stranded somewhere at 2am after an evening of fancy drinks & music. & thanks for the hotel tip–this would be for our honeymoon, so it’s the first time in my life that I might actually get to splurge on living arrangements.
Do not rely solely on the streetcar. It is a fun touristy thing to ride once or twice, not usually considered a legitimate means of transport here (slow, doesn’t reach many parts of the city). Of course this can be supplemented by buses and cabs, but I definitely recommend renting bikes as #1 transport (if you are able to ride).
Oh, awesome, my partner and I commute by bike here in our home city. I’ll check out rental options. Thank you!
The NOLA weather in October is also usually really nice. It’s like extended summer.
if you’re staying somewhere along the st charles line, it runs all night long. it’s slow but it comes pretty often, and there are enough people in the streets that it doesn’t feel creepy waiting for it to show up.
I would say (depending on your budget) go for an AirBnB or reg BnB in the Marigny. This area is walkable to the French Quarter and v charming. There are definitely people advertising lodgings for this area that are not quite in this area. If you wind up on the outskirts you will still be in a good location to move around most likely, but the surroundings are distinctly grittier.
I stayed in an Airbnb in Bywater last Christmas. It was nice! It was a long walk to the French Quarter, but we didn’t mind. We would occasionally take a cab back.
Speaking of the Bywater, go to Elizabeth’s for brunch! Their cocktails are great and their fried green tomato batter is made from angel tears.
i just went last month for the first time! i was also without a car, but we took the streetcar and never ended up taking a cab except to and from the airport.
things we enjoyed:
– frenchman street for live music (the spotted cat, d.b.a, snug harbor)
– preservation jazz hall (on the expensive side [$20] for live music, and you have to WAIT. i suggest getting there EARLY and knowing that you’ll have to wait in line for at least an hour, but it was so good!)
– the pharmacy museum in the french quarter
– walking around the garden district and seeing all the fancy houses
– mother’s was my favorite place that we ate
– coquette in the garden district had a really delicious 3 course lunch for…i think $25-30?
– french 75 bar was super fancy and nice and the souffle potatoes were to die for
– going super early in the morning to cafe du monde to avoid crowds and eating beignets before walking along the foggy mississippi
– just getting a cocktail to go and sitting in jackson square
– new orleans city park was out of the way, but beautiful and i especially liked the sculpture garden
we stayed on the edge of the garden district at a bed and breakfast, which was cheaper than a lot of the other options we looked at. it was about a 20 minute walk into the french quarter and a 20 minute walk in the other direction to the heart of the garden district. during the day it was lovely and safe to walk around and as long as we stayed in the shade and stayed hydrated, it was definitely doable. into the evening, as long as we stayed in a busy neighborhood like the french quarter, we never felt unsafe (for clarification, we were two 20-something women walking alone). when we headed home at the end of the night we took the st charles streetcar back instead of walking under the highway overpass.
also we avoided bourbon street like the plague. it was a total hellscape. we walked down a block just to check it out and it was like the worst, sloppiest, loudest frat party you could ever imagine, times ten.
Food-wise, Verti Marte has GREAT po’ boys. Get the shrimp and oyster one.
Also, there is a fancy restaurant called August that has a CRAZY GOOD lunch deal on Fridays between 11 am and 2 pm. You get a three-course prix fixe menu for TWENTY DOLLARS, it is extremely beautiful and delicious, and that doesn’t even count the amuse-bouche they usually throw in to start and the pralines and chocolate they give you with the check.
If you walk down Frenchman Street in the evening there will pretty much always be several options for live music.
The most touristy thing I’ve ever done in New Orleans was go out on one of those bayou tours where they take you out on a boat and you look at alligators. It was actually super fun though.
bartender, if you are interested in making pie crust i have great never fail resources. i do not want to press these on you though if you don’t want them though
Press them on the rest of us!
I want them! I usually make the recipe from the Four and Twenty Blackbirds cookbook and it’s only ok and takes forever. I want to either make amazing pie dough, or failing that have a recipe for good-enough pie dough that takes less than 2 hours.
What is up with pie-cookbook crust recipes? I have the Hoosier Mama Book of Pie and their sweet crust recipe is terrible (although tbh I think it sucks in the bakery too, so I should have known better.)
Mark Bittman’s pie dough recipe is great, and pretty fast, assuming you have a food processor. http://www.howtocookeverything.com/recipes/flaky-…
I’ve used it reliably for years now and usually get lots of compliments, and when I don’t it’s user error.
Yeah, this is the one I usually use. And I learned a trick from a friend who used to be a pastry chef — after the dough gets crumbly and starts to want to come together in the fopro, dump it all into a gallon ziploc, squish it together in there, form a ball or a disk, and chill it like that. You can shape it more easily without it getting everywhere, and your hands stay cleaner, and it’s easier to chill because ti’s already self-contained.
press on. but i don’t promise to commit to making crust. as i said, not a magician!
Has anyone else noticed a huge uptick in the number of women with blue hair or blue highlights recently? Is there an explanation beyond “trendy”? Or is this just Baader-Meinhof bias on my part? (This is in NYC – no idea if this possibly imaginary phenomenon extends elsewhere.)
YES! I have seen no less than five women, all in their twenties, by appearances, with various shades of blue hair in the past week alone, just on the train at normal hours. On a subway heading to and from Brooklyn, sure, but not the cool part.
I have had blue hair for a few years now and I’ve definitely noticed an uptick lately. For ages I could say if I were meeting someone off the internet (at a horse show, for example) ‘I’m the one with the blue hair’ and know they’d find me. No longer the case!
Same, but with all colors, for me!
I used to be the Sole Candy Colored Hair in a given setting, and now there are at least two or three of us. It’s pretty great to see brightly colored hair becoming widely accepted, especially in professional settings.
I only notice people with purple hair because I used to have it and I’m sad I can’t at my current job, but I feel like unnatural hair colors have been blossoming in popularity over the past few years.
I’ve got lavender in the lower layers, so it’s hidden unless I pull it up (not a drastic difference lighter/darker than my blonde hair)
The way my hair is currently cut I wouldn’t be able to hide it, but you are tempting me greatly.
There’s a lot of recent pink hair (all kinds of shades) at the art school I work at (south Texas for reference). We have a lot of fun hairstyles here but suddenly an up-tick in pink.
Kylie Jenner?
Hm, that seems extremely plausible. I think it has struck me partly because I’ve been noticing it on people who seem like they are getting style cues from Kardashians in a way that I would not normally associate with blue hair – less punk, more glam, or something.
I think it’s the “seapunk” look too.
Oh no I just got the “atomic turquoise” color of Manic Panic because they only had the “glows under blacklight” variety of “siren’s song” and I have A Thing to go to next weekend that may include blacklight. Am I going to be like, all judged for having blue-green hair instead of green-green hair? Oh man fashion is so hard.
Do you like it? That’s all that matters. 😀 More power to your pretty turquoise hairs!
Medical Toasties, I have a question about nursing.
I’ve been considering nursing school off and on the past two years. What are some ways to get exposed to the profession by way of volunteering? I have family members in the medical so I have a little bit of an idea.
I’m giving myself about 5 years to think about it and I have a 9-5 job, so I’m in no big rush at the moment.
I had a friend who volunteered as a doula for homeless teens while finishing prereqs for (I think) her CNM.
Depending on what kind of nursing you’re thinking about, obviously, but maybe there’s something similar in your area?
I have been volunteering in the ER of my local hospital because I want to be a doctor eventually, but I’m getting WAY more exposure to nurses. Most hospitals have volunteer opportunities or volunteer offices listed on their websites, although they tend to be buried so you might have to do some within-site Googling. A benefit of volunteering at the ER is that they have volunteers outside business hours, which is good if you have a 9-5.
Also if you’re in the US and would prefer to volunteer at a community health clinic, there’s a neat tool for finding them here.
I’m a nurse! Ask me your questions, I’ll tell you no lies. Also, it’s the best job ever. Even with the poop.
Most large hospitals have a volunteer page on their website but usually your patient interaction is kinda limited. Shadowing might also be an option – you really see what nurses do you when you follow them around for a few hours.
I guess my big question is about schooling. I want to give myself a few years so I can take some math/science classes at a community college since I was a humanities major before. Does school really take over your life for two years? I hear it’s impossible to work on the side so I’d have to prepare funds and hopefully have a home where I’ll be supported.
Thanks for lending your brain!
Oh! I just thought of another question.
I’m really picky about location. I’m looking to move to a major city, and when I finally get there, I’m staying put because I’ve clawed my way to get this far. Is nursing one of those vocations where I’d have to move where the jobs are?
Definitely not, in my experience it’s the opposite– there really are sick people everywhere. It’s more like you can just pick a city. I would say you are maybe limited just a bit by income? ie you aren’t ever going to be like rolling in dough as a nurse, so it’s kind of better to live in a lower cost of living area.
Definitely take all your pre-reqs at your leisure (they’re usually good for 5-10 years) and if you know what school you’re looking at, try to sneak in some of the non-nursing classes too (like statistics) to make your actual clinical years lighter. If you’re going to do an accelerated program like Sonora Webster below did, you might have to do ~15 months without working but if you do a traditional program you can definitely work on the side. Accelerated programs are tough but all your classmates are in the same second-career boat.
Location isn’t a big deal – large academic medical centers tend to be in big cities and often hire new nurses for residency programs. It does help to have someone on the inside though as these places also tend to get tons of applicants. Once you get a year of experience, you can kinda go anywhere if you’re willing to compromise. I’ve only ever worked at big hospitals and now am a nurse practitioner at one but YMMV.
I also am a nurse! I also went to nursing school after getting my first bachelors degree. I managed to work while doing the prereqs, but I found a program that was for people who had other degrees, so after the prereqs, the nursing school part took 13 months. As it turns out, that’s a little fast, and they actually stretched it out to 18 months after my class finished. I didn’t work while in nursing school and they made us sign a thing promising we wouldn’t, but there were definitely a lot of people working. So I think it’s doable if you’re motivated!
Thanks so much for telling me your experience. I have a bit to chew over.
This is a great idea! When I worked in the ER, we had volunteers and techs, all of whom were premed and prenursing students (our manager had found those folks were very motivated). The difference was that volunteers didn’t really do much, where the techs had tons of patient contact and I think learned a lot more. I’m sure this was because of training and liability reasons.
Open thread! Toasties, I threw myself a birthday party last week and it was great. Just a lot of food and homemade punch and friends dropping by. I honestly don’t know why it’s taken me this long to get back into hosting; I used to enjoy it as a grad student, then I moved away from all my grad school friends. But now I’m in a place where I’ve finally got a social life again, such that I can say “hey, come over to my place for food/drinks?” and a respectable number of people will actually show up, and it was just so nice to be reminded of that. 40 is off to a good start.
In other news, I was given a bottle of an unfamiliar-to-me aperitif, which may well motivate me to make this the Summer of Learning to Make Cocktails. I’m going to try it with gin and see what happens.
Toasties the Knowing, I’m deeply conflicted about my latest health kick. I’m going to be starting an exercise regimen and cutting out sugar and white flour. This is meant to be a permanent change in lifestyle, not a diet + booty camp thing, but, well. My BMI is overweight and if everything goes according to plan, I’ll be losing weight and I’ve read an awful lot of Kate Harding. It’s not that losing weight is a goal, but it generally happens with losing fat and gaining muscle, which is my actual goal, and I know it’s Awful Self-Hating Internalized Fatphobia to dislike your body, but I’m not happy with my meatsack right now.
when I looked for advice from other people who’ve tried. Help?
I want to be stronger and I want to stop overeating and I also want to walk into a store and know that I won’t need a twelve-step program to find button-ups that fit my boobs, but all signs in Fat Acceptance Land say that this is a path to years of self-hating yo-yo dieting. And I’ve tried to rationalize it by thinking how I’m one of the thinner overweight people so probably I’ll be able to keep the gainz/losses I get, which makes me realize I’m considering myself a Redeemable Fat Person and possibly , idfk, shaming really heavy people for not being able to do the same thing. Which is all to say that what should be a relatively simple idea of “I want to use exercise and food to stop toxic eating habits and improve my body” became
i have no advice, except to say that i empathize very strongly indeed and i recommend this article that i bring up as often as a human can — http://thehairpin.com/2012/07/be-less-crazy-about…
“When you pay close attention with as much objectivity and kindness as you can muster, you can see what’s really happening and act rationally on that evidence. You can be reasonable and loving and logical with yourself instead of bouncing back and forth between unconsciousness and freak-outs. You gain the ability to say “Body, you are amazing!” AND “That’s enough ice cream for now.” Because both things are important, and leaving either of them out means trouble.
In addition to paying attention, you also need to see yourself as someone who’s worth paying attention to. As you are right now. You are going to be putting a lot of effort into this project, and you won’t be able to sustain it if you feel like some kind of jerk. No, if you want to succeed, you have to get 100% on your own side from the get-go, and the best way I know to do that is this: construct a story about your life that positions you as an imperfect but lovable adventurer — someone you want to root for! — who’s boldly going someplace she hasn’t been before.
Because that is exactly what you are! A beloved heroine in the midst of a rollicking good tale full of scrapes and jokes and lessons learned! So make your story thrilling — make it one you can’t put down, one you can’t help being excited about, one that fills your heart so full you want to throw your head back and ROAR.”
I recommend the work of Hanne Blank, who’s written extensively on taking good care of yourself (exercise and eating good food that is also good for you) without weight loss as a goal. http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13573382-the-u…
It sounds like you’re doing something similar to what Elizabeth Bear calls The Discipline, focusing more on good food and exercise than on weight. Her posts are honest and self-reflective and talk a bit about similar weight/value conundra, and my takeaway has been that it’s a long-term commitment that has its frustrations and rewards. She seems happier when she’s able to do more of her chosen physical pursuits, and she hasn’t ever, that I’ve seen, gotten into shaming other people about their diet/exercise/self-acceptance choices.
I stopped eating sugar kind of slowly and I found that the better I was about not eating it the less I wanted it anyway. I just have a killer sweet tooth or something but if you are going to kinda taper off sugar I found it helpful to note on a calendar when I ate dessert because I would be like, “Yeah I haven’t had junk food in forever….oh wait actually we had chocolate chip pancakes like two days ago.” I dunno helped me out anyway – but you might just be quitting altogether in which case I’m not being helpful sorry.
Also corn syrup = no and probably you know this but watch out for salad dressings and pasta sauces cause they can have a ton of sugar in them too
I recently went through some serious body shifts. I was worried i had a tapeworm, actually. Two things that were key to me: 1) sugar was giving/gives me heartburn. This makes cutting refined sugar out of my diet SUPER EASY, and it also makes it very easy to say no to booze, which is full of sugar and calories, evidently. (I mean, people tell you these things, but you’re always like psssh, how can there be 500 calories in a martini? All lies! I’ll have 3!) I still eat gluten. You will pry my bread from my cold. dead. hands. 2) I had a physical problem that was _only_ going to go away via exercise. So I worked with a professional (chiro) to get me started, got into a regular yoga practice (twice a week, gods willing. This also helps with the paying attention that sfbee mentions below), and made an effort to do _something_ on the days when I was not there. 5 minutes of core work? That’s something! 20 minutes of lunges? That, too, is something. A hike, a 20 minute walk, running for the bus? ALSO COUNTS AS “SOMETHING”.
I refused to allow myself to beat myself up on the days when I screwed up, and decided that that nanaimo bar was going to be worth the not-sleeping caused by the horrible heartburn. Or decided that knitting that sock was WAY more important than opening up my lower-back. I was also crazy-depressed, so there wasn’t a whole lot _more_ down on myself that I could get, but that was – and continues to be – super, duper, important.
Remember that you did not get into this because you hate your body. You got into this because you LOVE your body, in whatever form it is, and you are doing the physical work that allows you to inhabit the body that you love without pain. Any “I look good to patriarchy” side-effects are “bonuses” I guess? (they weren’t for me; my weight-loss was anxiety-triggered, and maintained by the above-mentioned “I cannot live like this anymore” life changes, but the looks, comments, and congratulations I got for “losing all the weight” made me want to stuff my mouth with Doritos and cheesecake and martinis so that I could go back to being invisible. But that’s me.)
“Remember that you did not get into this because you hate your body. You got into this because you LOVE your body, in whatever form it is, and you are doing the physical work that allows you to inhabit the body that you love without pain.”
This is one of the wisest things I’ve ever read. I think I just heard something old and awful go “crack-clunk-dead” in my brain.
*blushes* Thank you.
Motha fuckin’ seconded. A++++++ forever.
Hey! First of all, major props to you for heading onto a lifestyle change rather than a half-baked diet.
1. Exercise is often not the most fun thing in the world, so try to start out with things that you really do enjoy, or whose after-affects you enjoy. For the first one, things like Nia, beer league sports, solo run-walks with podcasts, and yoga can be really lovely; for the second, weight lifting is totally awesome. Do not expect instant results. Begin looking after six weeks of sustained exercise. You will find changes.
2. Diets are tough, man. I found it very useful to reframe foods into Always foods and Sometimes foods. Always foods are lean meats, veggies, colourful starches (sweet potato yum!), fruits, unsweetened yogurts – whatever foods make you feel good and strong when you eat them. And then just…go ahead and eat them! Sometimes foods are cakes, chocolates, deep-fried snacks, etc; basically anything that might be framed as a “treat,” but without the emotional baggage of having “good” food and “bad” food.
Good luck! And I’d love to hear progress reports!
You might check out my girl Melissa Joulwan’s blog. She has great recipes for how you’re planning to eat and a fantastic outlook on being the best possible version of you, regardless of your size. Best wishes on your journey to health! I’m excited for you!
There’s nothing shaming about exercising, about wanting to put the right food in your body and to move it in a way that makes you stronger.
If it helps, try ignoring the scale as much as possible. If you go to a gym, make your exercise goals strength, or rep, or endurance related. (one hour on the whatever machine, lifting more than you currently can, etc) Maybe you’ll lose weight, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll lose some but not enough to be ‘doctor healthy’ but if you can counter your jerk brain with hard numbers about what you’ve accomplished it makes it easier on you.
I can’t speak about food choices, I’m no good at talking about them without sounding like a weirdo jerk.
^Yes. This. I weigh less this year than last, because Grad School has taken over my life and my time for training. The scale has a lower number, but I can’t do pull-ups anymore. I’d rather have a higher number on the scale and my crazy-strong arms and back.
I can relate to what you are saying and it has taken me a bit to frame my thoughts, so apologies in advance if someone else has already covered this material or if it is rambling out of control.
I’m in the midst of changing my eating habits while also trying to navigate constant comments about my body (plus all those years of comments growing up). It’s a struggle to feel that this is a choice I am making for myself, rather than just giving in to the feeling that my body is incorrect and something that Needs to be Changed.
What has helped is framing it as a giant experiment, where my exercise and what I eat are all under my control. Additionally, a yoga or mindfulness practice helps to evaluate “what is working.” There’s been a few uncomfortable things I’ve learned: a lot of my drinking was done in an unhealthy manner, my body doesn’t process dairy, I don’t like kale. There’s also a lot of positive things too: I love doing upright rows and have a very strong back, I don’t like running but I love hiking, I don’t like kale but there are plenty of other green things to eat.
There are weeks where I’ll eat nothing but fresh veggies and fruits and lean proteins and feel great! But then, stuff happens, work is stressful, maybe I overtrain a bit, maybe PMS comes around and I eat more comforting foods or processed foods. I try to keep it all in perspective, today is today, tomorrow is tomorrow and I just try to make the best choices for myself at this point in time.
After I had been exercising regularly and strongly cutting down on carbs and dairy (the closest thing I can do to dieting – I already eat mostly vegetables and no meat) for the 3rd year in a row and hadn’t lost any weight at my physical, I burst into tears. Luckily my doctor is the rare, HAESy kind. He told me not to worry about it, to just keep making healthier choices and not worry about the numbers on a scale. At my last checkup he didn’t even weigh me. I’m much, much happier now. I mostly just eat what I want because what I want is usually not that bad. And if it’s cake, so be it, cake is delicious and is always at birthdays and birthdays are fun. I exercise because it lessens my anxiety and because I know that in the long run it makes me less liable to develop heart disease, diabetes, alzheimers and whole host of other things (Alzheimer’s is my bogeyman though.)
And I’m even fatter than I used to be and I’m ok with it, most days. I’m in some amazing fat-acceptance oriented facebook groups, including one that has regular clothing swap and sell events so I rarely both shopping in real stores. I have lots of real-life fat body positive friends and we can get together and eat in public without shame. If you can find and join online and IRL communities like that, it might help. I second the Hanne Blank recommendation, and will also suggest The Fat Nutritionist. http://www.fatnutritionist.com/
Lady I am in your camp.
Here is the thing: it’s a little bit like when you figure out that a lot of the stuff you liked as a teen was influenced by the Patriarchy and that you should maybe re-examine and decide whether you actually like or dislike stuff or if you’ve just been obeying Father Patriarchy all along. It’s a good thing to do! Sometimes you find out that you had a lot of destructive habits that you can give the finger to!
But sometimes, man, sometimes you just find out that you really, really, REALLY hate pink. Not because you’re supposed to because it’s girly. You just hate it because you do.
And I think the lifestyle thing is like this. If you examine your history and find out that you really are just fine with your body the way it is, then all those assholes trying to tell you how you “should” look can suck it and deal with your awesome self, because YOU love your body and they can’t make you not love your body.
But sometimes, ladyfriend, sometimes you just really DON’T like it. And that is okay too. It is okay to not like it because YOU don’t like it. It is YOUR body, and you can want your body to be any old way you want it to be. It’s not great if you want your body to be a different way because other people have pressured you into think you should want it another way. But if you honestly, truly, all alone in a room with yourself, just don’t like it? Then that is perfectly all right. You are allowed to think, “This is not the way I want to be/act/think/whatever” and then take steps to change it.
Be nice to you while you’re at it, though. It’s one thing to say “this is not my favorite thing about myself, I shall put effort into changing it” and it is another thing to say “you are a jerk for not already being changed, only a loser would even need to change in the first place.” You are a good person, and good people sometimes identify things about themselves that they do not like and would prefer to change, and change is hard, so it takes time.
tl;dr: You are allowed to keep the things you like about yourself no matter what anyone else thinks and change the things you don’t like no matter what anyone else thinks. You are the ultimate authority over you.
it’s OK to want to change yourself. that doesn’t mean you’re shaming or hating. i think it’s a very good thing to want to take good care of yourself.
i simply do what’s best for my body machine. i have health issues, as well as a family history of even more, that make keeping myself in good operating order absolutely necessary. in my late 20s i realized that i was unhappy & unhealthy & that i could either get my act together or i was going to crash & burn. i’ve only got one meatshell to get me through this lifetime and i’d like to not be holding it together with duct tape & hope before i hit 40, yaknow?
so i: quit smoking, sleep 8 hours every night, exercise 40 – 60 minutes 3 days a week, eat well*, take my vitamins & supplements, and get plenty of alone time.
losing weight was a side effect of all of my good self care. after 2 years, i’d gotten into a healthy BMI range and am now to what my body has apparently decided is it’s ideal weight. i’ve been the same weight (+/- 5 lbs) for 5 about years now. my body machine is Very Happy. i’m strong and can carry heavy things. i can get up a flight of stairs without panting. my blood sugar is stable. my hair & nails are longer & stronger. my sex drive is higher. i love my body and take care of it and it loves me back. aaaaaaaawww.
* eating well for me is an “80/20” goal for calorie consumption: 80% of the time, i eat clean, wholesome foods (very little refined sugar, no artificial sweeteners or HFCS, very little sodium, lots of fruit & veggies, lean meats, whole grains instead of white carbs if at all possible, drinking plenty of water). the other 20% is for booze and pizza and steaks and cheeseburgers.
So many things!
I found a listing for a $300.00 refurbished PS4 on Newegg and went for it because it was the cheapest I had seen by 50 dollars. It’s a little banged up on the outside, but seems to work just fine – I can’t wait to get home and play The Last Of Us, which I have never played and downloaded just slowly enough that I had to go to bed instead of starting it last night. I have always been an Xbox/Nintendo person (and console person), but I really want to play No Man’s Sky when it comes out and now I can play all those PS exclusive indie games too!
I paid the deposit for our honeymoon trip, so we are going to Vietnam! (Assuming we manage to get our passports renewed in the next 12 months, anyway.) I’m super excited.
I finally got a new library card and was amazed at how different things are these days. You can check out your own books! You can get texts when your books arrive from another branch! The only bummer was that my “home” library seems to be about 50% cookbooks these days. And most of the mass market paperbacks seem to be gone.
And finally, I have been listening to Friend of the Toast Matt Lubchansky’s Deep Space Whine podcast (sorry, Jaya) and it is awesome. Matt and Mark Popham debate all of the things that I have wondered about that show, like how no one ever talks about the fact the Avery Brooks plays Sisko like a serial killer, and why Odo doesn’t do more cool stuff with his powers. And Matt’s weekly musings on how Odo’s sex life works are awesome. Most Star Trek podcasts take themselves just a bit too seriously, but this one has me cracking up at my desk.
So exciting!!! We spent two months in Vietnam several years ago, and it was just the absolute best in so, so, so many ways.
I was at the Royal Bath and West show last Friday instead of open threading.
These were the highlights of my day.
The horsey bit we actually went for was this wet. I was very glad I took three changes of clothes!
that pig’s balls are really distracting O___O
He fascinated me. I have no idea if he’s called Pietrain or if that is the breed of pig but it just made me cackle.
idk, with this pig in particular I’d make a o.O face, myself… (SORRY)
One of these days I’ll get a pic for y’all of my boar, who’s much bigger (older) than that boar. My boar’s name is Balls. It … suits him.
Please do. As soon as it gets to be pig season here there ought to be a pig thread to go with the cats and dogs.
…but on second thought maybe not. How many people might I traumatize with the knowledge that they’re future bacon?
I have a friend with pigs, and occasionally we do pig agility afternoons, just for the comedy value.
(Does video embedding work? Let’s find out.) (If you click on that, it takes you to the video on flickr)
This is the best thing I’ve seen today. I now know what I’m doing this summer.
If you carry on through to the album on flickr there are more videos! We also agilitied the goats, and then attempted to ride the big pigs. Hilarity ensued.
I love rural humor. And boredom. So often they’re one and the same.
That is hilarious.
The 4H alpaca/lama and goat obstacle courses were always my favorite part of the Evergreen State Fair in Washington State. We planned what weekend we would go based entirely on when the alpaca obstacle course was going to be. The last year we went they actually moved the competition to earlier in the day and had to do a re-do because so many people wanted to see it at the scheduled time. (This pig is exponentially more cooperative than the average alpaca…)
LAUREN PLEASE DO THIS I WILL HOLD YOU TO IT
OKAY, NEXT WEEK
PIETRAIN
Oooohh, the Royal Bath & West Show!! I know it’s not IN Bath, but still – Bath. Somerset. Be still, my heart.
I was visiting Bath last year on my first ever holiday alone, and it was glorious.
I’ve been unable to erase this image of pig junk from my brain all day. I will probably continue to flash back to them at terribly inappropriate moments for some time. Congratulations on making a lasting impact.
We aim to please.
My mother gifted an “easy quiche” recipe to me. The crust is made from 1c grated cheddar, 3/4c flour, and 1/2 of melted marg (I use butter) and 1 tsp of mustard(? I never knew why, and never use it). Press it into a 9×9 pan and voila! delicious quiche crust, with no pastry skills. I would never serve it to my French grandmother (I can hear her wails of “that’s not quiche” already), but it is most delicious.
The recommended filling is for flaked ham and cheddar, but I choose tuna, tomato, tarragon, and cheese (whatever kind, it doesn’t matter). And the egg filling, of course.
Powdered mustard? Stirring of what sort and duration? I am intrigued and want to experiment, but I’m leery of getting the basics wrong.
Yup, powdered mustard. Just mash everything together with a spoon, and use your fingers to press it into a pan. The beauty of this crust is that it – unlike normal pastry – can handle handling.
Once it is full up (filling and quiche goo), cook at 350 for 20-30 minutes (the more you add to the egg, the longer you’ll have to cook it), turn it up to 400 until everything is brown and doesn’t giggle, let it set for 3ish minutes, and you are good to go 🙂 Serves 4, well.
Aha, excellent! Many thanks. I will avoid the giggling quiche, although the image is tempting.
heh. Giggling/jiggling, what’s the diff? (can you believe they game me more than one degree in English?)
I just figure now we know where you stand on the question of how to pronounce “gif.”
Heh. You’d be wrong. That .gif is OBVIOUSLY using a hard g. Like gift. giver. give ‘er. Gimli, Manitoba…
Grr, follow-up question: 1/2 WHAT of butter? I assume cup but am trying to avoid preventable errors.
yup. cup. I think my internet hiccuped when I pressed the “c”.
Powdered mustard is in there to help emphasize the taste of the cheddar! I put it in lots of things that are cheese-based, like the sauce for homemade macaroni and cheese, or a smear of regular mustard under the grated cheese on toast that sits on top of French onion soup.
I have the most awful taste in the back of my throat an no idea what it causing it. I’ve tried mouthwash and am going to do a warm saltwater gargle in a minute. It’s been a here since I woke up and wasn’t there last night. Has this every happened to anyone else and is there anything I can do to stop tasting rotten eggs all day? It has made even coffee unpalatable and that will not do. THAT. WILL. NOT. DO.
Sinus drainage! Often caused by allergies. It tastes like the way nasty beer smells only less yeasty. At least, that’s how mine tastes sometimes. I like to drink a bunch of hot tea to try and get all the sinus stuff to move on out. (to be fair, rather like republicans and tax cuts I kind of think that hot tea helps with just about everything). I also sometimes watch or listen to something that makes me cry in the belief that all that flushing must be helping, but I’m not normal.
Good luck!
Ok, first off, that description of the taste is 100% accurate. I noticed this morning I was stuffier than normal and my sinuses not but ten minutes ago started to feel tender, so I think you are correct. I’ve got a neti pot cooling and will be drinking gallons of hot tea in the meantime.
Thank you!
Seconding sinus drainage! Also might be a sinus infection so if your face hurts to touch under your eyes or on/right above your browbone, you might want to see a doc and get some antibiotics. Also maybe try a neti pot.
Thirding the sinus drainage. Ugh. It’s THE WORST.
Best thing is to get that drained out as much as possible (good recommendations above), and if you’re experiencing pain or pressure you might need to see a doc (unfortunately).
That gif is the face I am making approximately every three minutes. I’m doing the neti and lotsa hot tea to see if I can nip this bad boy in the bud.
Could also be heartburn – sometimes when mine’s really bad it goes all the way up to my molars. Not usually a rotten egg sort of taste, but one never knows…
This is way more out there, but I recently learned, from my afflicted roommate, that one can be allergic to certain varieties of pine nut, but the reaction isn’t your typical inflammatory response, you just get a bad taste in your mouth for a while (a few days).
Eaten any strange pestos this week?
Ha, that’s really interesting! So I actually had pesto last night but because I am both cheap and lazy (I smash my pesto by hand in a molcajete) I did not bother with the pine nuts. I will remember this for the future, though, in case it happens again after I eat actual pine nut pesto. 🙂
I’m too cheap for pine nuts too, so I use ground almonds from Trader Joes.
It’s probably the sinus drainage thing, but an accompanying issue with that can also be tonsil stones, or tonsililoliths. You’ve probably looked at your throat/tonsil area already, but if not, check and see if there are any little whitish bits back there. They can be a result of bacteria, bits of food and sinus gunk getting all in in your tonsils and can smell funky too. They can be dislodged with gargling and hot liquids, but sometimes they just have to work their way out.
I bought an Aeropress!! http://www.aeropress.co.uk/
Does anyone have one? Its actually for my mum because she loves coffee but refuses to use any sort of coffee making device and just makes it in a pot. I saw someone with one the other day, AND ITS CLEARLY MAGIC! I don’t even drink coffee but I might buy myself one too.
In other news I booked a trip back to Ireland for Dublin Pride because I missed the referendum, but now it looks like I won’t have any friends to go with and might have to go with my mum. Its not as weird as it sounds, she’s a raging lesbian and has been taking me to Pride since I could walk, but its also a downer because then I can’t get wasted at 1pm.
YEP. I like it very much. Super super easy to clean, no little bits that break. Sometimes I find the plunger hard to press down, but I’ve worked it out now — moisten the plunger by running it briefly under the tap, insert it into the chamber, push, let the air pressure do its magic (you can watch the grounds compress well after you push!), and then push again. Way easier.
I’m going to try it this weekend AND DRINK ALL THE COFFEE.
I feel like I should mention at this point that I can only drink 1 shot lattes or else I get the shakes, and more than one a day and I can’t sleep. FUN TIMES!
I am a total Aeropress evangelizer! I’ve used one for years now. They are the best, the coffee they make is the best, it is the easiest to make iced coffee, the coffee is less bitter, and a clumsy person cannot break three of them in a year FRENCH PRESSES LOOKING AT YOU.
Mr. Thuja got one a year or so ago and it’s made him a bit of a coffee snob. On the up side, it is really easy to clean and to just make one cup of coffee, so I tend to use it from time to time for making dirty chais.
I’ve been planning to get one ever since my uncle let me try his out. Like a French press but without the annoyance of having to wipe the soggy grounds out of the pot and wash them off the little metal filter thingy? SOLD.
I love my Aeropress so much that I mention it in my OK Cupid profile. I use it every morning even when I don’t particularly feel like drinking coffee because i love the ritual. And it makes the BEST iced coffee. My recipe is:
1. Fill wide mouthed jar to the top with ice
2. Three scoops of coffee, fill to the 4 line with hot water
3. PRESS
4. Half and half til desired shade of delicious beigeness is reached
5. Fill rest of way with ice
6. PERFECTION
They are AMAZING. Also you can make your coffee at work with the tea-water, and be happier than ever before while sitting in an office. So easy to clean, so delicious the drink.
My partner has one and loves it – I don’t really drink coffee, so I can’t speak for its virtues myself, but it seems from what he says that it is really easy to use and clean and makes nice coffee.
I busted my pants at work today and have to take my lunch break to buy a new pair.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who has had a wardrobe malfunction and had to buy new clothes while working.
Totally going to get quiche at lunch to feel better though. 🙂
I had a zip go on a pair of breeches mid-horse-show and was thankful the show was a big enough one to have clothing stalls so I could buy a new pair.
Totally have gone to work and found that my jeans had a hole in the crotch I didn’t know about, “Coool we’ll be crossing our legs the rest of the day then…” I’m too tall to just go out and buy pants. They wouldn’t have my size. 🙁
Also bought a pair of NEW workout pants from Old Navy and they got a hole in the crotch the first time I went to the gym. I had nothing else. We were doing weighted squats.
This appears to be something that happens to me frequently. Solidarity dude.
Nope. I’d say welcome to the club but you probably saw the statue of me me in the clubhouse when you joined.
I once had to staple the butt of my pants closed to get enough coverage to go buy new pants at lunch. You are not alone.
I have several times had to run out to get a tank top or leggings or something so I could go to a meeting, because it turned out whatever I was wearing was too sheer.
Once my dress zipper broke on the subway 🙁
I had my period all the way through my underwear, dress, and into my chair at work once.
I once got quite bored while waiting for a fax to go through (this was just six months ago) and the machine is in a little alcove type place where no one can see you, so naturally I decided to practice some high kicks while I was in there. The inner thigh of my beloved purple corduroys ripped all the way open and I had to spend the rest of the day carefully keeping my knees together.
When I was a hospital nurse, I had them (or patients had them all over me) on the regular, and I’d just go down to the basement to pick up a new pair of pants from EVS.
I now work in research, and do not miss those days. I did accidentally keep a pair of hospital pants, though. I wear them when I paint.
I don’t think I’ve busted any seams or zippers, but I’ve definitely spilled coffee and tomato sauce onto white shirts during the workday and been all “huh, time to strategically arrange a scarf to cover my shirt front.”
I sneezed in a one-on-one tutorial at university and the bodice of my dress split. I spent the rest of the session with my pad of paper clutched to my chest.
I finished the PS4 Last of Us last week and that game is a fucking revelation. I’m fanatical about Mass Effect and Uncharted, but The Last of Us goes above and beyond.
I can’t wait to play it!
I took a mental health day yesterday and took myself to see Mad Max for the second time and boy howdy it knocked me RIGHT outta my funk. What a goddamn cool movie.
(also last weekend I watched the first Mad Max film and it was extremely not good imo)
I saw Mad Max for the first time last night and I am still vibrating, not to mention finding it remarkably difficult to focus today. I LOVED EVERYTHING FURIOSA THE WIVES THE MANY MOTHERS THE WARBOYS CROW STILTWALKERS FLAMETHROWING GUITARS THE SUBVERTING OF THE HERO TROPE SO MANY EXPLOSIONS GODDAMN.
I also just saw it on Wednesday and I’m probably going again this weekend WOOOOOOOOOO
Have we discussed how the flamethrowing guitar truck was REAL? http://www.mtv.com/news/2161513/mad-max-fury-road…
“George actually had the guitarist come over, fairly early on in pre-production in Africa. And so he had a month or six weeks of getting used to it, of actually being able to play at full speed, while bungee jumping and blind.”
And that’s WITHOUT the flames! Props to Coma the Doof Warrior and his craft.
the flamethrowing guitar truck is 1000% the highlight of my pop culture year. He just lives to shred and it’s so great.
I love how, in the fight scene on the way back to the Citadel when Max grabs the guitar to use as a weapon, the instant the Doof Warrior gets it back on its bungees, he’s shredding again.
I think I like the new boy I’m dating because he loooved Mad Max and wants to take me to see it. Yes, I think I’ll allow that.
I watched the first one last week too and it was … meh. But I could see threads of stuff that got picked up and made WAY BETTER in Fury Road. The two dudes jockeying for who gets to drive, at the very beginning. Something else I don’t remember.
Probably going to go see Fury Road for the third time this weekend. Fuck yes. Also the soundtrack is like $10 on Amazon and is great for getting chores done, and destroying your enemies.
I might go see it for the third time this weekend, too. It’s still playing at the theater close to me, so I basically have to, right? It would be rude not to, I think.
Yes, absolutely. It’s only the polite thing to do.
I saw it for the third time last week and I felt very Polite. 10/10, would recommend.
The first two movies are very much products of their times–not just the plots but the pacing, direction, editing, etc. I think they hold up as cultural iconography but they’re not anything I need to re-watch. Beyond Thunderdome is worth it for the costumes and sets, though. Not to mention Tina Turner.
Respectfully disagreeing with you: Beyond Thunderdome is worth it *only* for Tina Turner. Yeah, costumes, sets, they’re good. But they fade to nothing in the blinding presence of TINA.
She is a force of nature, it’s true.
I am going to Mad Max for a second time this weekend! I can’t wait!!
Guys I am really feeling like I need a tattoo of bolt cutters.
my parents are coming to visit next weekend and although they are country mice and afraid of the big bad city thus never want to actually DO anything while they’re here (other than clean and cook for us, which is nice) I am thinking that they may be willing to go see Mad Max. given that I was literally raised on the original trilogy (Mad Max: not so great but sets the stage; Road Warrior: great: Beyond Thunderdome: what it otherwise lacks it makes up in Tina Turner. buuuuuut Fury Road: EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED IN A MOVIE. AND THEN SOME STUFF I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I WANTED.)
Ahhh I did it, I moved from NYC to LA! Last Wednesday was my last day of work and since then I’ve driven all the way across the country and moved into my new place, and I start work on Monday. I’m mostly feeling great, except yesterday I got really really sad when my little brother left (he drove out with me), and I’m still feeling a lot of anxiety about driving and I’m worried I’ll never get used to it.
How are the rest of the long-distance movers faring this week?
Yay congrats!! I am contemplating moving from NYC to San Diego in the next couple years and I would road-trip out as well. Good luck with your first day!!
I moved from Melbourne to Sydney 6 months ago and though I miss my Melbourne friends HEAPS I’ve started to feel settled here and have made some friends! It’s kinda tiring putting yourself out there and saying yes to all the social things but it pays off. I think it also helps to focus on the cool things the new place has that the old place doesn’t. In my case (and possibly yours too) this is beautiful beaches!
Welcome to the neighborhood, Paddlepickle! Hit me up if you want to know cool places and which sections of the 101 to avoid (hint: ALL OF IT).
Long-distance mover chiming in! I’m doing better than last week, but still a bit overwhelmed by the whole process. We are in the visa lottery now and once that comes through we’ll be able to do more concrete moving tasks. For now it’s mostly tidying up and tying up loose ends. I feel like I should be doing more, but I just don’t know what yet.
Hey toasties. Long time listener first time poster bla bla etc
I just moved to Vancouver from the dead end that is Kelowna and I need friends. I do live with my girlfriend but I need more social interaction than that. So uh please be my friend? Not just queermos need apply, my best friend is straight with a kid so there is that.
I guess I can list some interests to entice you, but since we all go here, you already have guess most of them. My tastes do swing more towards video games then Jane Austen era novels, but like to each their own and some such. Also I write fiction, specifically about queer fantasy elves just trying to live their little lives in the forest and I play the ukulele very badly. But the most telling thing I could tell you about me is that Im saving up to get a cat that I would name after the two bravest men I know, Two David Bowies.
So yeah, please be my friend, Vancouver and it’s greater area toasties. Non-Vancouveriets can apply too if you want. Internet friends are always nice.
Are there really two David Bowies or is that just a double-awesome cat name? Congrats, Vancouver is a lovely place to be!
It’s just a hypothetical right now. Me and gf are waiting till we are more settled to get a pet.
Vancouverite reporting for duty! We *are* attempting to have a Toastie meetup either the last weekend of this month, or the first weekend of July while some folks are here for the FIFA final?
Neato. Is there a email thread going around about it or is it all super loosey goosey?
In typical west coast fashion, it’s very loose and theoretical right now. If you don’t have twitter (I see below) then email me at the gmails, for I am tindomiel there.
Of course it is. well, i do have a twitter I just havent used in a year. But if everyone is there they might as well try using it again. What’s yours?
I hang out at @kiranmartin.
I do not live in Vancouver but I WILL BE THERE FOR THE FINAL. We’re actually spending like 5 days up there, since there’s the holiday for Independence Day in the US anyway (vs next week when we are going to Edmonton to watch Canada vs New Zealand and China vs Netherlands ON MY BIRTHDAY YAY but are flying up the day before and flying out the day after).
Aw, I’m in Kelowna! Sorry we missed each other.
Aw man, I so sorry for you, unless you actually like it there then you do you and etc.
I do really like it here; the people are pretty friendly and I like the laid-back smaller city kind of vibe the place has.
I just laughed my ass off at Two David Bowies, this is an excellent pet name
It is, but not wholly my idea. I stole it from tumblr. Someone said they wanted to name their cat two robocops so I had to escalate that joke
Yo, follow me on Twitter if that is your bag! Best way to make friends by stalking each other’s random thoughts 🙂 I love Toastie Twitter.
@gyip
Hmm, I dont twitter but might if its the only way I can get any traction on the whole friends on the toast thing. Tumblr is more my scene
i am in trawna but am interested in queer elf fiction.
Urban dictionary tells me that is Ontario but that could be wrong so sorry in advance. It’s not finished yet, but im very proud of what I have made so far. Writing is super fun!
Any artist Toasties out there (drawing / painting specifically)?
I’m teaching myself digital drawing and painting, and I think it’s finally starting to come along a bit, I’m really happy with how these turned out:
https://www.artstation.com/artwork/monster-sketch…
Share your artwork!
Hey cool! What are you using? I keep trying to get into digital art but poverty kinda gets in my way. I make comics but I’m not sure how to post a link cause I’m sort of new to the Toast.
I got myself a Wacom Intuos 4 tablet (not the pro level). Still like $200, so definitely a barrier to entry, unfortunately a drawing tablet is I think the one absolutely required thing to do digital painting. I can imagine there may be a fair amount on ebay for people upgrading to nicer equipment?
For software I use Photoshop mainly because A) I do photography too and need it for that B) Can get an academic discount through my work which is MUCH MUCH cheaper than retail. But the new CC photography plan is $10 a month which isn’t tooo bad.
But for free software check out Krita, it’s pretty awesome and free and open source.
For posting links you can just copy the link into a comment and it should auto-link it for you, or you can use standard HTML if you want to pretty it up < a href=”” / > etc.
Would love to see your comics!
http://seizetheabsurd.blogspot.com/
You actually know tech things! I’m jealous. I need to work on digital art skills and I do have money saved for this but I need a new everything sigh. I’ve been working on switching my blog over to a real domain name but it scares me.
I especially like the tentacle monster thing on the first page.
Ooh I like your stuff a lot! (I like the header especially, for obvious reasons).
I work in IT so have some tech experience :). If you have any questions about that side I can try to help as best I can! I have made web pages on my own domain as well, so can try to help if you have questions there. You can also email me at teuthida.architeuthis @ gmail if you like.
Thanks! I was really happy with how that one came out!
Also good resources for digital art:
ctrlpaint.com – ton of free videos (and some paid tutorials if you want)
Level Up – interviews and paint overs with pro concept artists http://www.fusroda.com/
I draw a bit. The cat helps.
I designed all my own tattoos as well, and I’ve done a few for other people over the years as well. How do you find the digital art? I’ve never really looked into it as a medium, it looks really interesting. I also make figurines out of plasticine, It’s my favourite modelling material!
Those are really great! Thanks for sharing them.
I like digital art because it feels natural to me, being a techy guy. I do have a sketchbook and some pencils and pens though. Overall I can see drawing on real media being easier, since with the drawing tablet I have there is that disconnect from looking at your screen and the flat tablet on the desk. But I’ve found myself getting used to it pretty quickly.
What I love about it is it is so easy to erase and redo, or just manipulate if I get some angle or perspective off. Probably should practice those things more to get them right at first, but it’s really nice if you want to make a big change partway through your drawing.
At some point I think I’m going to get a Surface, partially to replace my laptop and mostly so I can draw on it.
I draw with my sewing machine! sometimes it is doodling, sometimes landscapes. my blog is here: http://leethomsonart.com/2015/06/05/velmas-barn-f…
I love the idea of an electronic sketchbook, but I have had issues, mostly learning curve issues, around new software. Although! I did take my tablet on vacation last year and drew things in it with a stylus. I was using the Autodesk Sketchbook program, which is simple enough to keep me from freaking out and has enough dials and knobs that I can change pen widths and styles and etc. although drawing with a stylus is better than drawing with my finger, or a mouse, it still feels fat and awkward.
Those are awesome!
Another drawing app I’ve heard people like is called Procreate (might just be Apple products?). The stylii for the iPad type tablet do tend to be somewhat clunky and imprecise. The Wacom stuff is so nice (but expensive, especially their companion tablet). That is why my plan is to get a Surface, as they are about half the cost of the nice Wacom and have a good stylus for artists.
This week in quiche news from my gaming group:
Corrupt Mayor/Plot Hook Dispenser: You will get yourselves on that riverboat, and you will bring me. That. Ledger.
Ulf the Barbarian: [in Swedish Chef accent] On the boat, do they still have the little pies? With the cheese and spinach?
Corrupt Mayor: I… believe they do, yes. Have, uh, have you… been on board the Grand Duchess before?
Ulf the Barbarian: No, no, I only hear about little pies. I want to take one.
Some time later. The party is aboard the riverboat Grand Duchess, trying to find our way to the stateroom where the ledger is hidden.
GM: As you look for a way belowdecks, a hatch opens, and a liveried waiter climbs out. He’s carrying a silver tray laden down with little quiches.
Ulf the Barbarian: … lemme make a common sense check.
[dice]
Ulf the Barbarian: FOLLOW THAT WAITER!
In my second to last Shadowrun session I had to make a perception check after taking down and tying up a bad guy in a hotel room. I glitched my perception roll and the lint from tearing up sheets for restraints got in my eyes and the bad guy tried to crawl away. Thankfully one of the other characters was in the room and didn’t fail her perception roll…
This last week I got to forcefully hug someone (my character is an 8′ troll) to keep them from escaping. I love shadowrun and my crazy crazy lady group. Our male GM is very patient with our nonsense.
Gaming! I can finally report that I have managed to have an evening of gaming and will be having another one soon. D&D 5e after only having ever played 1e was a revelation: saving throws were made! a mere level 1 player was clutch! nobody died! It was very fun, and I would love to play again. I could see it working very well for a single evening, random monster, smash-and-grab kind of thing, so I might even be able to recruit some friends.
Toasts.
Today is IUD Replacement day. I am nervous.
AQUARIUS is a thing that I will probably want to talk about.
MrChouffe and I are having a dry June and I am drinking terrifying amounts of seltzer with interesting vinegars in it.
Ooh, I binge-watched Aquarius this week. And have opinions on why it was really smart for the network to release the whole thing online as well as to do traditional broadcast.
I am also here for plot talk.
I have heard that IUDs are less painful the second time?
Also, have you tried fire cider? It doesn’t make my life magically better, HIPPIES, but I just sort of like the very particular taste.
I’m only, I guess, the pilot-plus-one because I honestly can’t bring myself to binge it; it’s way too intense.
It is, however, one of the very best things I have seen on television in I don’t know how long.
I think that is why it’s a good idea to use the dual format! Also, if someone were to be into it but not SUPER into it, binge watching can keep the momentum going instead of a week-to-week format where that viewer would likely drop off.
I find the Manson parts the most boring I think, but David Duchovny’s character is a grouchy delight. I am definitely into all the societal turbulence plotlines.
I am drinking terrifying amounts of seltzer with interesting vinegars in it
Tell me more about this, please. I love seltzer water and my beverage options are limited. What sorts of vinegars? Where do you purchase them? Do you have recommendations? INFO PLZ.
I too am intrigued. What’s the vinegar:seltzer ratio?
12oz seltzer, a dribble of vinegar. It’s quite strongly flavored so you don’t need much.
My favorite at the very moment can be purchased on the intertubes via this site right here, and it is a Sicilian Lemon thing and it basically makes seltzer taste like an iced lemon cookie and I cannot. say enough. about it. Presumably, their many additional flavors are equally delightful. And it definitely sounds $$ until you think about the fact that DROPS of the stuff are all you need.
Alternately, what I have at my desk at work is cheap-ass Alessi “Raspberry Blush” aceto balsamico bianco, which is so not even a thing, but it’s nice enough.
Shrubs! I haven’t made any for a couple months since I got into drinking seltzer and bitters, but if you want to make some yourself they are super easy and fun and the internet has a lot of good recipes. Basically, you marinate fruit or other flavourings in sugar overnight or up to 2 days, then mix with good-quality vinegar and let sit (in the fridge) for about a week to mix the flavours, then strain and you have this excellent sweet-sour-fruity lemonade-like flavouring that you can add to seltzer. I think the usually recipe is one cup fruit, one cup sugar, and one cup vinegar but I’d recommend trying it from a recipe first. This one has been my favourite so far: http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2012/08/peach-…
That does sound delicious. I wonder if it would work without the sugar?
Second this. I drink so much sparkling water I wonder if my blood sparkles. Which I just said and now realize that makes me sound like a Twilight vampire. Not the case, I assure you.
Oooh, MrTable, who still can’t eat but can drink clear liquids, is getting excited about drinking vinegars/shrubs/etc. We went to a fancy cocktail store to buy a couple pre-made ones last weekend, and this weekend we’re starting batches of our own. He went to the store and picked out a cucumber and some mangoes and kwis, so I’m excited!
Shrubs are fun and easy to make!
Drinking vinegars are absolutely wonderful, aren’t they? If you’re looking for new ones, I highly recommend Som: http://www.pokpoksom.com
I got mine replaced last week! Deep breaths.
The actual procedure SUCKED ASS and I recommend taking any painkillers you can get your hands on before you go in because I forgot to, but I was amazed at how quickly the pain went away!
ETA I’m sorry this isn’t a more sunny optimistic message of encouragement! It really is a message of encouragement. I meant it about the deep breaths, slow steady breathing does wonders.
I have taken 600mg ibuprofen and 440mg naproxen so hopefully my liver doesn’t melt.
You’ll be fine! It’ll all be over quickly-ish.
Bonus: I spotted for about two days afterward, compared to two months the first time. Progress!
Mine second one was actually more painful—actually I screamed and practically the whole clinic came running. BUT, unlike the first one, the pain resolved within 24 hours instead of 6 months.
Definitely yelped. Doc reminded me at least four times to keep breathing. Am on couch under blanket.
Pregnancy thread!
35 weeks tomorrow and things are rapidly going downhill.
I nearly had a breakdown in the car seat aisle at Target because–well, it’s long and not very interesting story, but basically we don’t have the infant car seat from #1 anymore, so our friends passed one along, but it’s a Graco Classic SnugRide which–unlike every other infant car seat on the market–apparently cannot be tightened from the front. But I didn’t know that and so was studying new SnugRides in Target and trying to figure out if ours was missing a part, and trying to decide if we really need to spend $100 on a new carseat while my 5 y.o. was wandering around trying to convince me to buy her frilly dresses that are three sizes too small. Also, the car seat seems to expire in December, and I can’t remember how long we used our infant car seat with #1, but I know it wasn’t nearly as long as I thought we would.
IDK it doesn’t sound that bad when I write it out, but it was just one of those days. Also I can’t really sleep (or breathe) anymore, and work sucks ass right now, with no real maternity leave in sight. (Not my boss’s fault; the fault of being majorly in charge of one set of operations at a teeny company with no redundancy.)
I miss the second trimester.
Oh no! That sounds stressful.
This is my first pregnancy. I juuuuust entered the second trimester and my gosh, is it a revelation. I spent the first as a nauseated lump on the couch, and suddenly I have energy and an appetite again. We also got our Panorama test results yesterday, and I’m so relieved to hear that everything looks good chromosome wise AND we got learn that we’re having a boy! The old wives speculation was pointing towards girl, so I love that this person is already challenging people’s preconceptions and expectations.
I hope the next few weeks go smoothly for you! You will definitely be in my thoughts.
These are both great things! Enjoy the second trimester, and may your third be free of sciatica, varicose veins, and your baby trying to suffocate you.
(Oh, and this one is a boy, too, which is WEIRD.)
I’m eight weeks in and I FEEL HUNGOVER. I wake up feeling fine and I have breakfast, and then noon hits and I am just like, I must eat/I CAN’T EAT. I feel like shit.
What should I eat?
Mashed potatoes. Possibly with a side of fried chicken. (ymmv)
Oh i was just there and it was so so horrible! I ate lots of cheez-its and drank lots of lemon-lime sodas. But I felt horrible all the time, the first trimester was A TRIAL. Really, just find what you can handle, what appeals, and eat what you can. My OB said it’s triage, basically, and your fetus is so small that you won’t be hurting anything by only managing to choke down half a yogurt and one third of a pbj or whatever. Maybe smoothies would work for you? A way to smuggle protein/fruits/veggies in a relatively inoffensive manner?
HANG IN THERE, KITTEN.
I feel terrible because I eat all these samosas and baklavas, and then my normally wheat-hatin’ body does what it does best and rebels, but the thought of eating any other food makes me feel so crusty. I’m going to get a smoothie and then lie on the floor for a while.
I ate banana chips and simple soups (from cans) in my first trimester when I managed anything at all. I found out relatively early on that fried or spicy foods made me feel terrible. But it does get better! It really does!
Simple carbs, in my experience, with the occasional random craving for, like, a hamburger or a veggie sandwich from Subway. (Ugh.) Hang in there! Hopefully it’ll get better soon.
I hear good things about Cheerios.
You can look up the length / weight limits for the seat you have, and see how long you think your baby might be within them. You will probably need a new one though if that one expires in December. I think there are convertibles that will do pretty small babies, but you’d have to be ok with not carrying the baby in the bucket seat (I stopped around six months even with my tiny baby because I am weak now and just couldn’t handle the weight / awkward pose…)
We switched to a convertible pretty early with our first because she was HUMONGOUS, and even though we had a seat rated up to 35 pounds, she outgrew it in length, and, as you say, you’re not going to want to cart that thing around with 25 pounds of baby in it, even if it’s still FDA (or whoever) approved. Also she haaated being in it and was much happier once she could sit up a little better in a convertible.
But this one! Who knows? I’d hate to replace a perfectly good carseat, but I’d also hate to get to December and buy a new infant one to use for just a few more months.
car seats expire? Like food? I don’t understand.
Yes, the plastic degrades with time, so after 3-5 years (varies by manufacturer) they no longer guarantee that it will withstand a crash.
I can’t remember if I’m 34 or 35 weeks anymore. I am exactly a month away from my due date (ha ha ha) and have gone from people going “oh, you look so small!” to “are you going to go into labor right now?”, so yeah. We’re also starting childbirth classes tomorrow, which I’m not looking forward to since I already really hate any kind of surgery or body pain and I can’t really focus on the labor parts in any of my books because of it.
I am definitely having one of those weeks where I keep fighting with my husband and I have piles to do for work and all I want to do is clean and sort and get rid of junk before the arrival of Baby (and not coincidentally, my in-laws) but I’m so hampered by my belly and stupid food. Food does not taste good anymore, it’s just this goddamn thing I put in my facehole. I’m also feeling lonely and stressed and missing my friends, though I did find out one of the few people I know in the Boston area is having her second kid in October, so my kid will have someone to play with! Someday. If I can manage to keep it in one piece until then.
Ugh, I could have written this post. No childbirth classes for us, though–we did enough of that the first time!–although I suppose we might wander on down to the hospital at some point to tour L&D.
You said a month away from your due date–are you having a scheduled c/s?
End of week 17 and I almost hate to admit how uneventful this pregnancy has been, especially as it’s my first. I’m feeling rubbish though as I started coming down with a cold on Wed, and am grumpy I can’t take anything for it beyond Tylenol for the sinus headache,which I’m still reluctant to take given the most recent findings. Work has been up the wall this week and will probably continue to be so. I’m going on a spa day with my SIL next weekend and am looking forward to a massage more than I can say. The second ultrasound is in a little over two weeks and I’m looking forward to that too. For everyone feeling crappy, I hope it passes soon.
I’m 31 weeks now (or maybe 32, who knows?) and definitely slowing down and getting so tired again! Only have 2 1/2 more weeks of work, then 4 week off before baby is due, I have told her she is to stay put until her arrival date, I need some resting time before the no-sleep-hellscape happens.
I tried to sleep in this morning, but my husband has a horrible cough and congestion and sounds like some sort of walrus (or what I imagine a snoring walrus sounds like) so I had to either get up or smother him with a pillow. The pillow would take too much energy, so here I am with a cup of tea instead.
Is anyone else way, way more scared of having to keep a newborn alive than of the labour? I’m pretty anxious generally, but feel weirdly ok about labour, I figure it’s going to happen whether I want it to or not, but having to look after a baby? Forever?! So terrifying! I think its the newborn bit I’m really afraid of, they’re so small and can’t communicate except crying, and I am so scared of no sleep! Anyone else?
Have people seen this Ask a Manager post, about the guy who racked up a gigantic debt on the company credit card and is now kiting it with cash advances? http://www.askamanager.org/2015/06/i-racked-up-20…
I cannot imagine a more stressful work-related situation. It was causing my stomach to knot up as I read it, and I don’t even have a company credit card.
Yes! I could not handle it.
This is interesting to me in the fact that this would be impossible with my office procurement card, and I find it interesting that firms would give these out with no oversight in place? All my charges show up in a centralized expense system that various levels of the org have access to. I can’t pay it off myself.
Oh god, I read that and decidedly did NOT click through to read any comments. That is a nightmare.
I was pleasantly surprised by the comments (at least when I read them, I bet they have ballooned since then). I just can’t believe it got as far as it has without being caught!
AAM’s commenters are typically thoughtful and helpful (if occasionally strident in expressing their opinions), but I just can’t stomach the idea of following the advice spiral, however nice it is.
Yeah, even at that point there was plenty of “You should do this thing you specifically said you couldn’t do.” I love the commenters there but the sheer number, yikes! I wish they were, collectively, as thoughtful as Toasties are when it comes to doing that quick “has this been said / does it add anything?” mental check.
I feel like 90% of the time I comment on AAM, someone comes along to mildly and unnecessarily correct me. “You say this thing is kind of important? On the contrary, I would say it is INCREDIBLY important.”
Yeah it gave me massive anxiety omg.
Oh man, that was amazing. I just re-skimmed the comments to see if the OP chimed back in (no such luck).
That is so horrifying. I can’t even imagine how it was possible that no one else ever saw the bills!
YES oh my lord I just really need to know how he got it in his head that what he was doing was even a little bit okay!! I mean what? Also all the firms I’ve ever worked at require monthly expense reports with receipts to back it up, so no one would ever be able to get away with this.
This was so stressful I had to log on to my corporate account and DOUBLE CHECK I had no balance. When I first started my job, I biffed an expense report and so carried a balance one month. It was for a legitimate business expense, and I was new, so I didn’t get into any trouble, but I was stressed for weeks about it and still had to pay a $20 late fee. I cannot imagine the level of stress LW must be under.
(reads) I cannot begin to imagine what that must be like! I was confused though, was he making the company pay for personal stuff and thought that was OK then realized it wasn’t, or putting personal stuff on the card with the intention of paying it back and then falling behind?
I think the latter. He was planning to float some money from the card to get through some personal crises and pay it back before it became an issue, but has now fallen hopelessly far behind.
I got the impression it was the latter. I think he was being a little bit dishonest when he said he misunderstood how he was allowed to use the card, as it sounds like he knew he wasn’t supposed to, he just thought no one would notice or would be willing to overlook it if they did. I can’t judge him, though, because I feel so bad for his situation at this point.
It’s kind of blowing my mind that it was even possible of him to do this. Doesn’t anyone look at the card? How does he get the work expenses paid for? I run a tiny organization, we have three company credit cards, and I can check the balance and expenses on all of them. I would notice this immediately.
The level of stress and anxiety, though. I totally sympathize. It would be eating me alive to have that hanging over my head. I’d want to confess, just to get it over with.
I saw that and I could NOT wrap my head around a few things:
1) That the company had NO OVERSIGHT on their corporate cards. That every last charge racked up on that thing was not immediately reviewed by someone is really, really weird to me.
2) That he thought that this was even REMOTELY A GOOD IDEA, regardless of some ‘nudge nudge wink wink’ from his boss. How in the hell does someone justify “I will put $20,000 in personal expenses on my company’s tab” even a little bit? I just can’t wrap my head around getting into this situation in the first place, really.
I get that unemployment is a horrifying prospect but I feel like at this point there’s basically no way NOT to get fired over this, regardless of what anyone at AAM says, and that what this guy really needs is legal advice about how to keep from going to jail for it.
Yeah, I think the only way he doesn’t get fired is if he happens to find $20,000 in a shopping bag and ends this right now, before the people at this extremely lax organization discover what was going on. But I completely agree that his big concern at this point should be figuring out how to stay out of jail. Poor guy.
I really want to know what the end of this story is.
This post has been bouncing around my head…definitely anxiety inducing. Fingers crossed there is a follow up post!
ooh, rhubarb.
I actually do have something of a conundrum for today’s open thread. A few months ago I was approached by a charity on the street and failed to find an excuse to get away. I don’t really mind giving them money, it seemed okay and they had good ratings &c. when I checked afterwards. My problem is that it’s one of those children-in-developing-countries charities that connects you with the kid you’re supposedly helping, and you’re supposed to write them letters and develop a meaningful connection, and maybe even go visit them when they’re older, and all that.
I’m okay with being guilt-tripped into continuing my monthly donation and helping little Heydy Juliana in Ecuador get an education or whatever, but the idea of writing her letters and stuff makes me feel really creepy and exploitative. Like, she didn’t sign up to be enriching my life and making me feel good about myself. I can’t think of a way to write to her that wouldn’t be pandering and awful and demanding something from her that she shouldn’t have to give. BUT because my brain works on overdrive, I also feel bad about leaving her in the dark completely and what if she feels rejected because I’m not responding to any of her cute pictures. What if.
I mean, the real moral of the story is that I should be willing to say no when cute people with clipboards approach me on the street.
But failing that, I’m stuck between feeling like I should probably write to her bc what if she keeps expecting a letter that never comes, and feeling resentful of the entire situation because why do I have to, it’s weird and I don’t like it. Argh.
If it helps at all, I’ve been sponsoring a kid for a few years now (seriously, I should just RUN when I see clipboard people) and it’s not really that often. IDK which charity you’re sponsoring through, but the letters I get from him are maybe twice a year and they’re done with prompts on a standard form provided by the charity where he tells me how school is going, what he does for fun, and draws me a picture. I always have the latest on my fridge because I think they’re kind of adorable?
I also write him little notes with about the same frequency and send along things like stickers. It doesn’t represent a big time commitment for him and I feel like it’s nice for us both to get mail?
yeah, I probably will suck it up and write her at least a little bit. It’s true that getting mail is very nice.
In my experience the best way to deal with the clipboard charity folks is to offer them a breakdown of my student loan payment plan. They are usually in the same position and back off right away.
I make it a game. If I never break stride, I win. Clipboard Person can say anything. I can respond any way I want. As long as I don’t break stride, I win.
Whew. LaCrosse is almost over, just onemail more meeting and 45 smelly jerseys to wash and fold.
Kids are gone. Managed to sneak a birthday party in (WITH BONUS COUSINS) –I don’t know why that shouted, this is my first attempt to post from my tablet–for my daughter yesterday. Also had to stop girl with broken hand from using trapeze rings in backyard!
Boy ran his race and beat the band director so I’m pleased that his underachieving talk was only that. Older boy has gotten meds but still hiding at dad’s house so can’t tell if he’s taking them.
Have too many things I think I can do in 3 weeks and will kill myself with the effort. You know, totally reasonable things like get a date, get a job, redo the kitchen cabinets, finish planting garden Tha doesn’t even have dirt yet, paint kid bedrooms, overhaul diet, catch up on all my fitness, and not get lonely, and open swimming pool for first time ever. You know, those are my top ones. Not at all comprehensive. Somebody smack reality into me.
Really have no cluewhat will happen. Still wishing I could apply for that job 2 hours away. Still broke. I am, however, going to a meet and mingle jazz event at the museum of art tonight. Alone.
Feeling physically very broken and with no money and no insurance don’t know what my next step should be.
Oh well. Tonight I at least have enough for some new single girl clothes and I will try to not get down on myself with body issue . Wish I had a designated driver, I flirt better when tipsy.
I admire your ambition. Could you send a little my way?
I imagine you accomplishing a good number of your goals. And making progress on most of the others. No matter the outcome, you’re going to be too busy to feel bad. Good planning, CCoryy.
You *can* apply for that job 2 hours away. What’s the worst that can happen? Getting interviews, getting a job offer you think about before turning it down. But it will all feel so good! Do it! And you never know, maybe when you decline their offer with a wish-I-could, they might offer some modification that will work for you. Or they’ll hire someone else, but put you on the short list for future work. Or they’ll know someone in your current neighborhood they want you to talk to.
Applying is not a commitment. Do it! (But I trust your judgment if you choose not to.)
I really want to. It would at least feel like I was trying to support myself . And if it is REALLY high paying well then maybe I worry about everything else when I find out.
I went shopping and tried on 15 bras, ugh, and bought a “not terrible” one. I also found one dress, that needs some chunky jewelry but as the even already started I guess i’ll have to dig up something ok and go with it. This is supposed to be a “make myself go out and have fun” thing. It’s a jazz thing, so it shouldn’t be too hard to enjoy myself, and I can always go hide in the galleries looking at art if I feel nonsocial.
ok: feed bunnies, shower, makeup, out the door. 45 minutes. I will do this, I am a grown up, I know for sure I won’t run into the ex, so all is good. (girds loins for social interaction quest)
I did it! Band is great, nobody cares if I shaved or not, I got two compliments on my outfit, and had a delicious Indian dinner. And threw in some Maya research for bonus. Grown up evening out: achieved! Only with toast mojo!
Hello, I am a pathetic loser who is probably going to spend the entire workday crying at her desk! Good thing I work from home. That quiche recipe could not have come at a better time, is what I’m saying.
You’re here. That means you’re a winner. Knowing the glories of The Toast makes you a winner.
Of far lesser importance: I have always admired your commenting, logicbutton. You don’t need my esteem, but you have it, for what it’s worth.
I’m sorry you’re crying. It’s OK to cry; you know that. Let out those sad feelings. Let them leak down your face and wish them bon voyage as they leave room for future good feelings. ::Jedi hugs::
Whoops, now I’m crying again. <333333333333333
I had one of those days yesterday. I went for a run and felt better. Hope you also get some relief and/or adrenaline going. <3
I did that the day before yesterday! Yesterday I did a nice hike but had a lot of friend drama to deal with so couldn’t sleep, so I’m giving myself a spa-fternoon (dying hair, deep cleansing mask, nails, etc.) and drinking wine. Take good care of yourself.
Oy! I tried self tanner for the first time today because I am a pasty, pasty gal who lives in a pasty, pasty place where the sun don’t shine much. The impetus is I’m going to a hen do this weekend where we’re supposed to be ‘glammed up and classy’ (that’s a whole other kettle of fish…grumblegrumble) and I am neon beige. After watching lots of youtube videos and reviews, I went ahead and did it and it is now ~developing~ which is strangely exciting. I really miss getting a tan from the sun, but I’m also waiting to see the dermatologist about a funky looking mark on my arm, which has scared me straight about not wearing sunscreen, even if the mark turns out to me nothing. So, anyone else do self-tanning and have any recs or favorite technique for slathering it on evenly? I suspect it takes practice, which is just fine because I see myself as a burgeoning self-tanning addict.
I’m super pale and prone to funny looking moles as well! I like the gradually building lotions. Sometimes you have to put on a few layers to get it noticeable but I’d rather do that than go to far.
I use the gradual ones too – much more margin for error. The shops that sell them will also sell applicatory spongey glovey type things which are really handy to stop you getting orange palms – there’s a sponge layer and it’s backed with plastic so it doesn’t go through.
Ooh, I got a spongey glove thing! I’ll have to give the gradual ones a try. I used an express tanner which got great reviews and is supposed to do a light tan in one hour, medium in two, dark in three, and you can rinse it off and it’ll keep working. Now, I went whole hog for the three hours and it’s now been two hours since showering off, and maybe I’m impatient, but it’s not as dark as I thought it would be- in fact it looks very natural! I kind of want to reapply, which is probably a terrible idea, but like I said, burgeoning addict here.
I am very interested in the brand you use! I’m also muy pale, and managed to give myself an embarrassing linear sunburn down the front of both of my legs. It’s more or less healed now, but I was hoping self-tanner would make it less noticeable. Problem is, I have no clue where to start.
Ha, I have definitely had linear sunburns, and they were brought to mind today whilst applying the tanner. Brown on one side of the leg, translucent white on the other! I used St Tropez Express Tan Mousse today. It’s not the cheapest, but I used very little of the bottle for a full body application, and so far, so good. It looks like tans I used to get when I lived where sun happened! I doubled down on my legs and exfoliated to hell and back, which was probably the most intensive part of the process, but I also started sweating like a pig midway through the tan application, so I hope it doesn’t wind up all patchy in spots.
OMG YOU GUUUUUUUYZ. i haven’t been here for Open Thread in forever. last weekend i was sick. 100% lamesauce. but the weekend before that? I WAS IN SEATTLE!!!
it was my first trip ever to Seattle. my partner’s sister lives there so we stayed at her house and she made a jam-packed itinerary and her husband drove us ev-er-eeeeeee-where. the Star Wars exhibit at the EMP museum, the Space Needle (i touched it i touched it i touched it nerd achievement unlocked.), drinking coffee in a Starbucks IN SEATTLE (be still my 90s teenage dirtbag heart), Gasworks Park, Pike Place Market, the Kurt Cobain memorial bench, Japanese food (tried uni for the first time x_X ), Tai food (we drank rum out of coconuts that had tiny umbrellas in them aaaahhhhhhh!), fish & chips from Spuds eaten in the park, taking their dog to the hugest dog park i’ve ever seen, clubbing at The Mercury. THEY HAVE SO MUCH WATER THEY LAND PLANES ON IT! the weather was amazing (cloudy with an occasional drizzle) and the vegetation is mind bogglingly lush and they have smart cars you can rent by the minute and there are more dogs than children and now i wanna move there. i want a “house boat”, preferably a decommissioned barge.
we also went to a bookstore and I decided to take the Toasty Challenge of reading more female authors so i found this:
i hope this “Mallory Ortberg” is a good writer ‘cause this is the first time i’ve bought a physical book in a physical bookstore in… a decade???
so… back to the fact that i want to live in Seattle now… any Seattle toasties have stories to share, particularly of unconventional housing, specifically about living on the water. give me all of your Seattle talk.
Glad you enjoyed Seattle! We had friend who rented a houseboat for a while before they moved out of state. So there are definitely unconventional options. Just be aware, rent is getting crazy high here, especially living in the city itself.
But, like you found, there is tons of water around, it’s easy to find some even if you aren’t living on it :). And lots of great hikes and outdoor stuff just outside the city (even only an hour away).
Housing in Seattle in general is really expensive right now, but maybe it’s different on the water. I dunno. I love it here though. You should join us.
I’d say everyone should join us, since Seattle is awesome, but seeing the way things are growing around here I think they already are!
I want to move there too!
There should be a support group for us. I’m currently in Portland (long story short, I moved here first because I have a friend here) but I’m planning for the next stage.
It is so great, but so expensive (because it is so great, probably)! But everybody’s nerds, and the dress code basically everywhere is super-casual, and at least half the churches I walk by in my neighborhood have rainbow flags and/or really pointed messages on their marquees about how they accept everyone, and the weather in the summer is just absolutely delightful.
Jeans and a button down shirt is Seattle formal wear, basically.
Well, sure, if you want to get fancy
I thought this said “Jesus in a buttondown shirt” and was like, ‘well, you’re not wrong, I guess.’
It’s true, that would be super formal for Jesus.
so true! i was told to “bring something kinda nice” for dinner. i brought a dressy shirt, short skirt, tights, wedgie boots. our hosts put on their Nice Jeans *headdesk*
I had an internship in the Bay Area one year and other intern was from Boston and it drove her crazy how causal everyone was.
i dress how i dress and whateves. i don’t mind being the most dressed up.
it makes my partner nutso, though, but he’s a priss and a snob and generally bemoans the non-dressing-upness of people in all life generally.
I make a crustless quiche with tomatoes, mushrooms, bacon and whatever cheese I have handy. I just cook it in a 9×12 dish and cut it into squares to take for lunch all week.
I actually made it for Mother’s Day when my in-laws from Iowa were visiting. Funny, my husband and I both described the dish to father-in-law as “egg casserole” rather than quiche because we knew he’d never agree to eat quiche. He ate three helpings.
Loving your “egg casserole” gambit.
Just had my annual review: “You aren’t doing things you’ve never been asked to do or shown how to do. Aren’t you even trying? Don’t you like this job?”
Yes.
No.
[Eats brussel sprout sandwich at desk unsure whether to enjoy sprouts or cry.]
I am sorry that your job is so shitty! I hope you can figure out an escape plan soon.
Also I want to know about your brussel sprout sandwich.
I was on the fence about making an escape plan, but now I am not. Here I come, job market. Woooooo…. ooo… o
On the sandwich: It has hazlenuts and some kind of special sauce (no idea what) that combine in the most glorious way. And also the sprouts are roasted just short of being burned, which is exactly how I like it.
Ah, don’t you just love it? “Why aren’t you psychic and thus able to see that we want you to do these things even though we’ve not even bothered to tell you to do them, never mind explain how to?”
I’m sorry. I hope the rest of your day goes better because that’s fifteen kinds of ridiculous.
With a healthy measure of “here is a position of a kind you’ve never had before and which we have never staffed before. You say you need training? Nah. Just make some phone calls and ask around.”
If I were as psychic/omniscient as this job requires, I wouldn’t need a job at all.
Clearly you’re not the right person for that new position, but somewhere there is a person who would love the chance to jump into that new role, ask all the questions, question all the answers, and define what it is/should be. There’s a lot of freedom and satisfaction in that for some personality types.
I do hope you’re able to make the jump to a role that’s more suited to your personality. Being stuck in the wrong-fit job really sucks, and having a boss who seems to not notice or not care that it’s a wrong-fit job is no fun either. 🙁
I’m sorry.
I know this feel. I am so sorry, and hope you are able to soldier on while job hunting. Hang in there, okay?
I, too, have had this feel! I went to fancy bra store last spring to buy a bra for my wedding dress and discovered I was C cup, after many years of being an A cup and thinking I had no boobs. Turns out I do.
Funny story, though, I ended up not wearing the bra to my wedding (didn’t look good with the dress, which had enough shape as it was). Furthermore, I went braless almost the entire weekend, rehearsal dinner to afterparty and next-day family bbq.
It’s nice to feel like I have substantial breastage, but it’s also nice (for now, I won’t be 30 forever), to be able not to wear a bra.
(Apologies to any smaller- or larger-breasted ladies i might have offended or excluded by my boasting).
Me and my preggo double-Fs are like YOU GO ENJOY YOUR BRALESSNESS! Do jumping jacks! Jog without t-rexing your hands underneath for “support”!
I’m a G and love the panache sports bra. It’s expensive but worth it.
I am offended by your ability to go around in public without a bra. My Hs hang down nearly to my waist these days…
Seriously though, wearing the right cup size is pretty awesome!
Ditto on all counts (the jealous, the Hs and the hanging-ness). I can’t even imagine not wearing a bra (I mean, other than just relaxing at home in pyjamas) because it’s been so many years since I have been able to do so comfortably. Thanks, early and extreme breast development!
Has anybody ever successfully changed their bad posture? I’ve had shoulder pain on and off for a couple of years but haven’t done much about it. But in the past month or so it’s been worse and I’ve been having numbness in two of my fingers, which apparently means that my ulnar nerve is pinched. And after a lot of googling I have a theory that the pinched nerve has something to do with my shoulder problem and both are probably related to my terrible posture.
WTF kind of doctor do you go see about that? I’ve been doing some stretches that I saw on youtube, are those for real? And how the hell do you remain conscious of your posture for more than a few minutes out of the day?
Following with interest. One thing I keep meaning to do (someday) is Nicole’s Feel the Burn about posture.
I am having lower back issues and my doctor told me to go to physical therapy for posture training. If you are having numbness, I would really go to the doctor. I went to PT for the first time this week (hated the guy but I went) and he mentioned how important it is to get started with good posture as soon as you can, before things start getting irreversible. It may be worth getting a professional opinion on some exercises you can do at home.
Are you computer-based? You can set an alarm on the computer or your phone, and every time it beeps think ‘how am I sitting’ and change it. You’ll have to do it an awful lot at first (like every ten minutes, which will drive you mad) but eventually you will find you’re sitting OK every other one, and then you can change it to every 20 minutes, and so on. I do similar with my riding position on a horse when I have identified a problem – there are letters round the arena and every time I pass a letter I think ‘am I tipping to the left’ and when the answer is not always yes you bloody are’ I check it every three letters, and gradually reduce it.
You’re probably best seeing a physiotherapist/sports therapist or similar type of bodyworker.
Yeah, and it’s worst when I’m typing. I saw some stuff about adjusting the height of my chair/monitor/desk but my office does not believe in frivolous things like chairs with functioning height adjusters.
My friend had pretty good success with Es_Petal’s suggestion of setting a reminder – I think she just had something set to pop up on her screen every half hour to say “sit up straight.” (I actually don’t think it really helped with her neck pain, because that turned out to be a separate issue, but it did improve her posture. So maybe that’s helpful?)
My chair is too tall, so I got a box for my feet and put books under my keyboard and monitor to lift them higher, because my office also doesn’t believe in replacing broken furniture.
I’ve heard good things about the Alexander technique but I believe it can be pricey. Or not I could be totally wrong. They have an association: http://www.amsatonline.org/
I’ve found that Pilates has helped me be more mindful of my core, and my posture, because I want to look like a beautiful ballerina. YMMV
Yes!!! I have! If you can afford it (insurance should help partially cover it), see a physical therapist who specializes in sports therapy. They’re much better about helping you fix yourself and learn better body mechanics so you don’t re-injure yourself. Learning to better move/use your body is hard, NGL, but it’s incredibly rewarding. I’m in therapy for some posture changes right now, actually, and things are going well. Even if I do groan about some of the exercises because OMG HARD.
#1 rule of improving posture and remembering to maintain it: Follow the Pleasure.
Proper alignment *feels* good. It feels lovely, liquid and dynamic. The kind of breaths you automatically take when you’re lined up properly? Are full and rich and nourishing.
When you are learning to line yourself up properly, focus on how good it feels when you’re doing it right. Then you’ll be able to find that place again a lot more easily, because sheer physical pleasure is a place we always want to go back to as often as possible.
Good posture was easiest for me, effortless actually, when I was working on my abdominal muscles 3 times a week. Nothing impressive, just a few exercises with body weight and a few more with dumbbells. 3 minutes of ab work = feeling great & easy posture.
Good for you for wanting to improve. Let us know about your progress.
Have a look at a ‘shoulders back’, its a strap made for horse riders,I’ve heard great things!
yes! I was going to offer that as well. A review I read from several different riders indicated it worked better on them when they wore it daily and not-riding, rather than while riding only.
If you are having numbness, I would second the comment to visit a doctor, just to be sure it is just a pinched nerve.
In general, the two things that have helped me the most are yoga and regular massages.
If you have never done yoga, I really recommend trying an Iyengar class. Iyengar is not what I would want to practice all the time, even every week, but the primary philosophy is about the importance of correct alignment in poses, and using whatever props and modifications you need to get there. This means that you can spend an entire class focusing just on how to stand in mountain pose, which is why it is not the class I always want, but it also means that when I am taking other, non-Iyengar classes, that philosophy is still with me, and I am better able to see the ways in which a modification might help me, and I don’t feel shame about needing blocks to reach the ground or whatever. Yoga will also help strengthen your muscles, including your core, which is key for posture. And it will help relax you, which will help keep things from tightening up and forcing you into bad poses. My yoga class is sponsored by work, which means that the teacher is really great about “you guys are sitting at computers all day, let’s open up your hips and shoulders”.
Massage therapy is spendy, but sometimes you can get a good deal if you live somewhere where there is a school, and it can help identify other places that you may have tightness. Releasing that tension can help with your alignment (e.g. if you have tightness in your calves it may be affecting your gait, which will affect your posture). A good massage therapist can a) help release that tension and b) help you be more aware of your body and how it feels, so that you can make changes.
Go see your GP! He or she will refer you to an orthopedist or specialist if necessary (it may not be). You should make sure you are screened for scoliosis before taking any PT or Pilates or other training. Even quite mild scoliosis can have remarkable effects in making one side of your body behave/feel/take damage differently from the other. A mild curvature isn’t a big problem, but a good PT/trainer will work with you to one, not aggravate anything and two, strengthen your back and shoulders to better balance strain.
Sitting and standing posture are tricky to mind all the time; the alarm for self-check is a great idea!! There are pillows and foam pads and the like that you can use to tailor an unforgiving, unadjustable office chair. (If the chair is that bad and you need a doctor, you may be able to make a medically-based request for a better chair, by the way.)
Pay attention to how you lie when you sleep at night, also—sleep position can really badly aggravate an ulnar nerve pinch. There are special pillows your doctor may recommend to keep you in a neutral position. Good luck, this is not a fun thing to have! It can be made better though!
After injuring my lower back a couple years ago I went to physical therapy where they taught me how to sit. It was at the point where it was painful to sit, stand, or lay down, so concentrating on sitting correctly was a good option. My chiropractor told me how to stand up from sitting. I also got a posture-retraining undershirt thingy that was in beta testing from this company called ActivAided, and it helped a lot to remind me that I was supposed to be sitting correctly, even if it felt kind of weird under my clothes.
Massage, followed by a chiropractic adjustment.
Then add back strengthening exercises (downward facing dog is *great* for beating the laptop slump!) to your daily routine, plus a tennis ball to roll around under your grumpy muscles.
And also, Hannibal was putting the moves on him like crazy, while still being super-threatening. “Are you here to twist me into an uncomfortable position?” I mean, that’s a thing we could try.
ETA: Damnit, this goes in the Hannibal open thread.
I loved all the blatant innuendos in this episode. Can’t wait for Will to come back so there can be Hannibal/Will sexual tension again.
I loved when Gideon said “I know you want to be having this romantic dinner with Will Graham.”
Everything Hannibal says it like a triple entendre, at least.
“Hello. I am suave and European and also the Devil. Are you imagining us making the sex? Because you should be imagining that.”
And then damn, Bedelia’s hidden cannibal joke inside an oral sex reference, yes please.
I feel like I spend at least half of very episode open-mouthed in delighted or shocked “what the fuuuuuck,” and this one was no exception. Hannibal’s clearly both uninterested in sex and yet so smoove at performative seduction, it’s wild. A+ person-suit creeperness, Hannibal, but don’t you dare saute your live-in accomplice/lover/therapist/wine shopper.
My final twitter comment was “IS THAT A TORSO IN A CHURCH? BECAUSE I THINK IT’S A TORSO IN A CHURCH.” And it’s only going to get weirder from here on out.
Bedelia is NOT FOR EATING.
My god, the double (and triple) entendres. Hannibal is giving Happy Endings a run for its money as “show with the best ability to sneak super inappropriate things past the censors”
Also, NBC standards and practices appears to have stopped giving a fuck. Perhaps the gorgeous cinematography lulled them into a censorship coma, like a heavily-filtered Weasel War Dance.
I’m really not going to complain when we get stuff like we got last night.
I’m still amazed by the story regarding the flesh-angles ep in season 1, where TOO MUCH BUTTCRACK was showing on one of the corpses, so they splashed more blood on it is was A-OK.
Yeah, I’m good with it.
The whole episode I was thinking “this is on Network TV?!?!?”
Ok. So who out there will squeal with me about last Sunday’s Strange & Norrell? That episode, yo. That episode.
Right in the feels.
(Also, we are still three for three with Segundus and his face being in all the episodes. This pleases me.)
I’m looking forward to watching that!
Wellington! So snarky!
Wellington was beautiful. On a scale of one to Stephen Fry On That One Blackadder he was an eleven.
Also Jamie Parker and his voice. My god. They could not have picked a better Grant.
Wellington was everything I ever dreamed of in a Wellington.
I would never have cast Ronan Vibert as Wellington (I’m sorry, I imprinted on Hugh Fraser in the Sharpe movies) but he was OUTSTANDING. A+ Wellington.
It seems to mean that we are witty and insightful, while always remembering to punch up instead of down. I would have just called that “funny” with a side of “decent human being,” but if somebody wants to attribute awesome senses of humor to women, I’m down with that.
It also, perhaps, implies a certain gentle type of sarcasm, one which aims to poke and prod without wounding, as opposed to being used as a nasty weapon against one’s opponent.
RE: “girl humor.” Properly nesting comments is for lesser websites.
I also like that the Toast has a bunch of non-female commenters who are probably going “Cool, they called my humor ‘girl humor!’ This is a positive thing and not an insult!” right now.
I assume that all Toast commenters are female until proven otherwise, and then I still try to forget.
Toasties, do you remember how you first discovered your favorite book?
My story: I was in middle school and was looking for a book to do a book report on. I started in the A’s of the YA section at the library and was working my way down. I saw The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, read the back, and put it back. I wasn’t that interested. Then I read the back of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and saw that it was a sequel. If I wanted to read it, I’d have to read its predecessor first. And that’s how I discovered Douglas Adams and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Also, I’m going on vacation next week and welcome any book recommendations. Even just something like what your favorite Agatha Christie is.
I’d gotten bored with kids books, because I was in 4th grade and my library only had books that went up to a 5th grade reading level (which I was well beyond). My mom was reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and she kept laughing. Finally, I asked her what was so funny, and she read the part where Hagrid is at Gringott’s looking for the key to Harry’s vault, but all he has in his pockets are dog biscuits.
She let me borrow the book a day later, and the rest is history.
Similarly, my Mom was looking through the Scholastic Book Sale flyer, and said, “Oh, I’ve heard that is really good.” I said, “It’s just another book about wizards at school, Mom.”
Then Time For Kids did an article featuring Harry Potter around the time when the third book came out, and I thought, okay, maybe I should read this.
My grandmother got me the first Harry Potter book for my birthday (maybe my 10th birthday?) and I thought it was going to be a book “about rabbits” (confusing it with Beatrix Potter?) so at first I was not interested. I quickly learned my mistake when I actually started reading it.
Station Eleven!
To Say Nothing of the Dog, by Connie Willis. Tons of references to Agatha Christie and Dorothy Sayers, it’s a mystery novel involving time travel and Victorian England. One of my favorite books.
Cereus Blooms at Night. A friend told me it would be my new favourite book and she was right.
I was in middle school on a family road trip, and I put up a real fuss in Jackson Hole, WY about being bored. So my mom dropped me off at a bookstore and said “Fine, stay here, we’ll come back to get you when we’re ready to go.” I sat down on the floor in the corner, looked at eye level and saw a book by Elizabeth (my name) with “Cat” in the title (my favorite animal), pulled it off the shelf and started reading it, and that’s how I got introduced to the Amelia Peabody series which I proceeded to devour over the next several years.
I loved those books!
It’s the summer book from two summers ago, but I really liked Where’d You Go, Bernadette by — Maria? Semple? An author name close to that, anyway. Fun and funny and with just enough serious bits. I also consider vacation the perfect time to re-read your favorite series, whatever that is. (If ebooks are good for anything they’re for taking an entire series on vacation with you.) I’m thinking it’s time for an Aubreyad re-read, myself.
For fun vacation reads, if you like mysteries I recommend Kate Atkinson’s series about Jackson Brodie. If you don’t mind the bizarre, Carl Hiaasen is a fun writer with quirky characters and ridiculous coincidences.
Martha Wells: the Wizard Hunters is the beginning of a trilogy, and I love it a lot, and the Raksura trilogy starts with the Cloud Roads and is about dragony, polyamorous shapeshifting communal beings. They are fun. Also their worlds are GORGEOUS in my head.
When I was in third or fourth grade, my school librarian organized a book swap on a monthly basis. Michael B and I were two people who ALWAYS participated– his mother had sent him in with about 8 books at the beginning of the year, so he had extra credits to “spend” all year. One day, I forgot to bring in a book for the swap, and I was *heartbroken*, and Michael B, being the all-around good bro he was, offered to get me something with one of his extra credits. He came back with the “best girl book he could find”, and even at the time i was a little put out that he was trying to specifically find me a “girl book”, but it was a BOOK so I wasn’t going to complain.
It was Jane of Lantern Hill by LM Montgomery, and I read that poor used book until it was nearly falling apart, at which point I realized I wanted to preserve the original, so I then bought ANOTHER paperback copy, which I then read until IT was falling apart. Now I just read the internet version. It’s probably not my current favorite book, but it was definitely my favorite book back then.
I ordered Redwall from the Scholastic catalog in 2nd grade after lusting after the Redwall books in the Hearthsong (or other pricey dress up/ toy? point is my mom said no to paying their shipping price for a book) catalog. It was a very big deal when that big chapter book came in to the classroom and I read it and so many others to pieces. Pearls of Lutra is still one of my faves and Mariel is one of my top-pick theoretical girl-child names.
Book recs: Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield is a favorite recent re-read. Seconding (thirding? nth-ing?) Station Eleven and Where’d You Go, Bernadette. I read the Story of Edgar Sawtelle last month and LOVED it, but it’s kind of heavy so maybe not for vacation?
If you like totally batshit paranormal romances (and don’t mind starting at the middle of a series) Bite Me by Shelly Laurenston has a main character who is a honey-badger shapeshifter who is also a photographer and plays roller derby- the romantic interest is a bear-tiger hybrid or something similarly absurd. I find all her books outrageously entertaining, but this one’s probably my favorite (because honey badgers, obviously).
Toasties send me your favorite sea and mermaid related art/artists! Two of my favorites: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ClareElsaesser https://www.etsy.com/shop/clairespaintings
Kate Pugsley
Brittney Lee
No one, not my mother, teachers, role models or Captain Awkward, prepared me for the moment when my co-worker started picking his nose while talking to me.
Only response: “eewwwwww, stop that!”
My reply to anyone picking a nose is “anything good up there?”
Bwahahahaha! This reminds me of the dinner that my partner and I attended in the early-wish years of our relationship. He turned to me after and said “You know, your folks are great, I just wish your mom would stop picking her nose at the dinner table”. I laughed SUPER HARD, because I hadn’t even noticed. My mom has always done that, and it is weird.
Okay, yep, that’s definitely worse than the time I had to argue with a friend over whether she should pick her nose in my car.
I’m a nosepicker, but I don’t do it when I’m TALKING TO PEOPLE. Once I’m safe in my own home I do what I want!
Ugh. I absolutely hate employers who take putting in your time and doing what’s requested of you as a lack of initiative when your only fault is… doing just what they asked, and not plunging boldly into the ocean of unasked-for extra duties. Have a Jedi Hug from me.
Toasts, does anyone have advice about how to get away from strangers who hit on you in public/how to reject such people? I’m not talking about catcalls, which I usually just ignore. Recently I’ve gotten into a couple of situations where guys approach me when I’m on the street, in the park, etc. (for background, I’m a student in New York and these guys have been around my age, so pretty young). We have pretty innocuous conversations where they’re pretty clearly hitting on me, but not doing anything that’s concretely objectionable. All the same, I’m usually not actually INTERESTED IN TALKING TO THEM, which I try to communicate via body language, tone of voice, etc.
I don’t know what it is: I just feel so bad about simply walking away, or saying I have to go and making my escape quickly. In the past, when I have finally mustered the courage to say I have to go, I end up getting drawn into conversations where they ask for my number, and then, weirdly, a hug. (And that’s another question: is this just something guys in their early twenties do, the hugging thing?) Usually I give them a fake number, but I still end up getting drawn into further conversation where they act weirdly and subtly aggressive, as if they know I’ve given them a fake number.
Yesterday this happened when I was minding my own business in the park. The guy kept asking for a hug and got mad when I wouldn’t give him one. It made me so uncomfortable. And yet I feel like a sensitive bitch for complaining about this—I should be grateful that people find me attractive, or whatever. I don’t know. What are your thoughts on dealing with situations like this?
You do not have to feel grateful for something you did not ask for and do not want or need.
I usually respond to requests for my number/a hug with “I’d rather not”. In my experience, saying “I SAID NO” as loudly as possible (without shouting) and quickly removing yourself from the area (if possible) is the best way I’ve found to get out of a situation like that. I acknowledge that I’m a tall woman (5-11) with a voice that can project, so I probably have some kind of advantage, but still.
You are not a “sensitive bitch”. You are not obligated to make someone happy. This is so hard for me to believe and understand, sometimes, but it’s true.
I’ve had to work on this a lot and I still default to being nice if I’m caught off guard, but after reading The Gift of Fear and Why Does He Do That and various Captain Awkward things I’ve realized: these men know what they are doing. They are not “socially awkward” or “unaware of how they are coming off,” they are preying on the fact that women will be nice even when every cell in their body is screaming that something is wrong. Some of the ways I have learned to steel myself include walking around like I am the one with the right of way (I don’t get out of the way of oncoming men or men crossing perpendicularly in front of me). I see them just fine out of the corner of my eye (or directly if wearing sunglasses) but I don’t give any indication that I see them. This has the dual effect of not giving them any opening to speak with me because they think I am unaware of them, and also getting to feel a bit of power for once.
If someone does talk to me and I don’t want to talk to them, I straight up ignore them, but I act as if I did not hear them at all.
If these don’t work, though, it gets much harder. The need to be nice runs so strong that it is really hard not to respond or go along to get along. I try and remind myself whether a man would care about shutting someone down cold.
It really is something that takes practice, and it’s not the kind of practice anyone actually wants.
I can confirm that you never need to hug someone unless you want to. Random person you just met expecting you to hug them sounds pretty awful and weird to me.
Hey, I’m sorry this is happening to you. The important thing is to stay safe, so do whatever you need to do to feel safe in the moment.
These conversations that you don’t want to have are deliberate. Ignoring your nonverbal language is deliberate. Escalation to request (for your number, for hugs) is deliberate. These are men who are testing your boundaries, taking advantage of your socially conditioned reluctance to be rude. It doesn’t matter that they are not doing anything “concretely” objectionable, whatever that is. You are uncomfortable, and you should trust your gut.
Having lived and walked alone in major US cities for 10+ years now, I pretty much refuse to engage with any strangers whatsoever. I shake my head and keep walking or reading, or I pretend not to see and hear. I make exceptions on a case by case basis–sometimes it seems clear that the person is trying to get directions–but usually, there is no kind of conversation I need to have with a perfect stranger on the street. It’s not a perfect solution; sometimes you encounter dudes that get aggressive when you deny them the attention they feel entitled to, as you’ve already noticed, and that’s why I said you should do whatever feels safe. But in many cases, it’s best to show these boundary-testing dudes that your fortifications are quite intact, thank you, and you have zero time and zero fucks to give for nonsense.
Ok two things here:
1) These guys are bothering and, in some cases, borderline harassing you. It’s fine to be rude. You don’t owe them a damn thing. If they ask for your number and you’re not interested, either give them a fake number then leave, or tell them your’e not interested to their faces. If your body language and tone of voice isn’t working well enough, crank it up a notch girl!! One word answers, gesturing at your iPod, holding up your book, etc. If they try to hug you, that’s a good time to take a step back and say “no thanks. bye!” Get angry about it! Be angry to them! They need to know it’s not OK.
2) The idea that you should be grateful that people find you attractive is 100% bullshit. People are welcome to find you attractive (from a distance) all they want, but you get to decide how you feel about it when something actually happens. You do not exist for male consumption or public consumption.
All of this. MAKE IT WEIRD. If these dudes refuse to follow social rules you don’t have to either. You don’t have to make them comfortable when they’re making you uncomfortable.
Seconding this (if you feel like it’s safe to do)! Are in NYC? If so, embrace the New Yorker stereotype of being an unapologetic bad ass and tell them to go fuck themselves. Putting on that persona helps me when I’m dealing with assholes. Do it in a great old school Brooklyn accent! Fuggedaboutit!
Saying what is happening VERY LOUDLY is often effective, with the added benefit of not requiring you to insult them or be clever. Just say what’s happening:
“You are a complete stranger and you just asked me to hug you but I don’t want to do that at all.”
“Now you’re yelling at me for not wanting to hug someone I don’t know which makes me think this is not a friendly request but an attempt to rub against a stranger.”
“I am not interested in speaking to you any more please leave me alone.”
“I am calling the police now because I feel ver unsafe.”
But at raised volume. Not yelling, but like you would to be heard across a noisy room. Make other people notice. Make HIM uncomfortable.
Definitely don’t feel bad about hurting their feelings – they’re not taking your feelings of wanting to be left in peace into account, so you shouldn’t feel bad about hurting theirs. Of course, you still may want to avoid it if you feel like they’ll get upset in a dangerous (or even just a more irritating) way, but do it for you, and not for them. Also! You are not being a sensitive bitch, and you do not need to feel grateful when people are attracted to you, because they are being rude (at best) to you, and you owe them nothing.
I realize this isn’t actual advice, but it makes me feel better sometimes when I’m stuck with gross dudes.
Oh, I feel you. I have done a lot of boundary setting work to get out of this thought pattern. Repeat all of these comments like a mantra. You do not owe anyone your time. It is not normal for strangers to ask for hugs. Someone does not have to do something “concretely objectionable” for you to justify feeling uncomfortable. You do not owe anyone a conversation.
I do have one specific recommendation: look for self-defense classes, either from your school or community groups. A lot of self-defense classes focus a lot on these kinds of boundary-settings, not solely physical defense. Also, it’s really affirming to be in a group of women who are all practicing how to be more self-assured and claim their own space. Maybe a NYC toastie has a specific rec? But it might be a great thing for you to have some specific techniques to practice to get yourself out of these situations, and a self-defense course might be a great way for you to start.
‘Can I have a hug’
‘I don’t hug.’ Or ‘I don’t hug strangers’
Or give him a withering look and a firm ‘no’ with an implied ‘wtf kind of thing is that to ask’
No one has a right to your attention if you don’t want to give it, whether they find you attractive or not.
I don’t get harassed much, thankfully, but I still find myself tensing up and looking down walking past a group of men. I find completely ignoring them and walking on easiest, I also wear sunglasses at all times, for other reasons too, which stops accidental eye contact and engagement. They want a reaction, any reaction, so blanking is usually the best approach for me
Ugh, this is so tricky. I used to think I was good at getting those guys to go away without causing a scene, but sometimes it’s really hard to either get them to leave or leave yourself without escalating things. However, last year, I ended up giving my (Google Voice) number to a guy who was really good at the subtle guilting plausible deniability thing, and he eventually escalated things to finagling “chance” meetings and following me. (It’s a long story, but in the end he called me a year after I thought I’d ditched him for good and I turned the tables and got him to apologize for calling me, mwahaha.) Now when I’m in similar situations, I remind myself that upsetting some guy who’s bothering me isn’t as bad as having a borderline stalker again, and if they’re upset that some stranger won’t engage with them, they’re clearly too clueless or entitled for me to want to deal with them anyway. Also, when men try to escalate things and imply that I’m rude, I remind myself (and would be willing to say out loud) that I’m not the one making things rude and uncomfortable, they are. That mantra helps me zoom out of the perspective they’re trying to force on me.
I still haven’t figured out a good strategy for men who behave this way who I know I’ll have to interact with regularly. There’s someone I see almost every day who’s pushing the boundaries, and calling him out or avoiding him entirely would escalate things really quickly.
When you get to the point of discomfort with these guys, especially in a park on on public transit, say loudly “I don’t know you!” – that will often get the attention of enough bystanders that he will stop acting like he has a right to your attention. People tend to assume that uncomfortable interactions they’re witnessing are relationship discussions and don’t want to get involved, but if you say “I don’t know you, you need to stop asking me to touch you” you appeal to the community.
I think you need to practice saying “Fuck Off.” Try saying it at varying volumes, and with various emphases. My personal favorite is a very crisply enunciated whisper-hiss. Find your favorite, and then use it whenever you want! It’s a useful sentence, especially when you live in a city. So few words, but an unmistakeable meaning!
Ew.
If you’e reading or eating your lunch, enjoying your own thoughts, a cold stare and a dead sounding “Go. Away.” while turning back to your lunch are a good response to unwanted attention. Absolutely ignoring these guys as if they do not exist, they are little ghosts frolicking alone in the park and invisible, is truly best, but they can be totally bizarre and creepy about that because what they want is YOUR ATTENTION.
If you must give them attention, be aggressive and hostile from the very start. You are being interrupted and hassled. You do not like them. You do not have to like them.
“Fuck off!” is suitable for anyone who asks you for a hug, as is, “Get away from me, you creep!” (pervert or weirdo are also good here).
“Get away from me!” very loudly, loud enough to carry. “Leave me alone! Go away!”
Do NOT be afraid to raise your voice! This is not a polite conversation. You are being hassled in public. Let the world know.
Taking up violent hobbies worked well for me- they would ask what I liked to do for fun, I would say “judo,” they’d make some dumbass “judo chop” comment, I’d say, “no, like armbars, chokes, pins, throws” with a vaguely sinister smile- emphasizing the more dangerous sounding techniques depending on how much I’d like them to go away. Somehow they didn’t stick around much after that…
But, in possibly more useful advice- you do not owe these dudes anything for the dubious “gift” of their attention, particularly participating in physical contact that you do not want to participate in. I’m a big fan of a) not talking to people and b) suddenly needing to be somewhere else (where somewhere else is wherever the skeevy dude isn’t). Because if I’m uncomfortable, somewhere else is definitely where I personally need to be.
Also, the hugging, What? No! That is not a thing people do, unless they are total creepers, and it is okay to respond as if it is (as it is) COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. You can say “What? Absolutely not!” as well as “Get away from me!” Young guys, even clean nice-looking guys with decent jobs, can still be horrible people and you do not have to touch them just because they are harrassing you into it.
My life is like, comically awful right now due to a combination of newly-diagnosed mental illness, which is not my fault, and exquisitely poor decision-making, which definitely is.
… I could use a quiche, is what I’m saying.
None of the current situation is permanent. Hooray for a diagnosis! Now the diagnosing folk can get down to helping you feel better. Sorry about decisions you regret, but you will live through the consequences. And come out better on the other side. The next time those decisions are needed, you’ll do better. And quiche is lovely because it is ephemeral. Go out and find some. None of this will last. It’s all going to get better. I hope you feel better soon. I’m rooting for you.
To be fair, poor decision-making and mental illness frequently go hand in hand. Don’t beat yourself up too much for things that have already happened, take what you can learn from the situation and toss the rest, and enjoy whatever quiche you can get from life.
Is anyone reading The Wicked + The Divine and feeling as traumatized by this week’s issue as me?
You’d think I would’ve remembered that it was the end of this particular arc and that I was pretty gobsmacked by the end of the last arc, but no, no, I didn’t.
I was reading it in bed last night and burst into tears, scaring my husband.
I had to take my mother to a doctor’s appointment Wednesday and so I was sitting in the waiting room there reading it. Big mistake – they really frown on people jumping up and shouting in disbelief in waiting rooms, I’ve noticed, so I was just sitting there staring at the page wishing I’d read it when I was home instead.
I take great comfort in a few things, not least of all what Persephone symbolizes, but damn.
Toasties! There’s a new book coming out in July in the Chicks in Chainmail Series edited by Esther Friesner! I was so excited when I read that last night that I had to do some stretches and relaxation stuff to be able to sleep. It’s so great, so great, so great.
Toasts! I have finally made the decision to emerge from the lurking shadows and join your illustrious ranks – I hope I shall prove worthy of a place among the Toast commentariat.
In other news, I am starting a new job on Monday and while I am very excited about it (full time! at a museum! hooray!), I am also not looking forward to those first few weeks where everything is new and awkward and I am figuring everything out. Any sage advice for getting over the new job anxiety?
Make fast friends with the receptionist and/or someone on the admin team. They know everything and you will be well served by getting off on the right foot with them. They’re also great people to ask those dumb questions of, like “yo, what’s the deal with [x]?”
My advice for getting started at a new place is to take office gossip with a grain of salt and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Also, if one person says “watch out for so and so, she’ll try to be sneaky”, ignore them. If THREE people tell you “watch out for so and so, she’ll try to be sneaky”, and it’s the same so-and-so, listen to them.
Also, I adore your username.
Thank you all for the advice/welcome! I actually just got word that my background check hasn’t fully processed yet so I may be starting mid-week instead of Monday, which will be a welcome few days of relaxing and preparing, but also gives me more time to worry/a new thing to worry about. So, a wash, I guess. But I’m glad to have Toast advice and support when I do start, whenever that may be.
I have finally made the decision to emerge from the lurking shadows and join your illustrious ranks
I love this, by the way. The Iron Giant is criminally underrated.
Toasties, I am just having a crap time of it at the moment and could use some commiseration/gentle head scritches:
1. My boyfriend and I broke up, which was amicable and for good “how do you imagine the future” related reasons, but it still sucks. I guess all I want is a single, eclectic-minded atheist who isn’t an ATHEIST, because I keep dating these religious guys who ultimately find my lack of religion a dealbreaker. Like, the last guy before this one was Buddhist and dumped me saying that he had to date someone who was “already on the path.”
2. AND YET we are still going to my friend’s wedding in Chicago next week. On the train. From DC. I am predicting that the wedding will be either extra awkward or sad for me. Probably both. My birthday is also the day we leave on the train.
3. Cats have been in weird, tear-ass around, break things mode for weeks send help.
4. Last night one cat jumped off my lap while I was on the computer and the seltzer I was drinking poured all over it. It’s still working, thankfully, but not awesomely.
5. My mattress is from 1997 and I really need to replace it because it’s giving me lower back issues but now I need to consider the computer.
6. I spilled my coffee all over my shoulder this morning. What.
7. Fathers Day is the suckiest holiday because I decidedly do not have a Dad Mag dad.
Oh, all the hugs to you. You are handling all of this so so much better than I could.
scritch, scritch
Ugh. Those Religious Guys who Really Haven’t Thought Things Through are the worst.
Which would be fine if it was a non-exclusive thing (which I suggested to my ex-BF), but that…does not appeal to them as a viable alternative I have found. Because I could take or leave eventual marriage (partnership of whatever variety is where it’s at), but hanging around in a monogamous relationship with no future is depressing as hell.
Fathers day is the suckiest.
It is! I was very tempted to get this “Of all the dads I’ve ever had I like you best” card that I came across, but he would definitely see that in the vaguely aggressive tone that I would intend it.
So instead I just got him a bunch of pickles.
1. I’m sorry for your pain. Breakups are so hard and so necessary and so painful. I hear you about ATHEISTS. I am careful to identify myself as “gently atheist”. There seem to be so few of us with nothing to prove, no desire for arguments, gentle respect for believers when they practice kindness. We few maybe need to be more visible somehow. But that’s contrary to who we are, isn’t it?
4. Dry out your computer while away on your Chicago trip. Disassemble as much as you feel comfortable with. Spray compressed air into nooks and crannies. Set all parts in the best position for draining, ideally in a position to catch sunlight. When you return, it should behave better. I learned this is what my IT guys do when I pay them to “fix” my laptop and they keep it for a few days. The first 2 days they don’t touch it, just leave it to dry out.
5. Make good sleep and a healthy back a priority. You know you are worth it.
7. Me too. Mine is not a Dad Mag father. He’s actually a vile person. Good for you, for being honest about yours. And I’m sorry. I know how it feels. Mixed up pain and anger. Are you OK?
I’m late getting back to this, but I just wanted to thank you for all your kind words and suggestions. I did bring home some compressed air from the office and sprayed it out. I will probably do the same before I leave on Friday and so we’ll limp along. The computer is a metaphor…or something. c:
Agreed on the “gently atheist” bit. Unfortunately, I do have some pretty firm beliefs when it comes to potential kids (not involving: must be atheist, but involving personal choice. I am not in favor of infant baptism, for example, because there is no choice there). Also potential number of kids because I would be the one who is doing the gestating and birth-giving. These tend to be nonstarters.
I think there’s “potentially misplaced feelings of obligation and guilt” in there as well when it comes to my dad. So I’m okayish? It’s hard to pick apart my feelings on the subject because I spent a majority of my life knowing that whatever I felt or wanted wasn’t what was important, so everything tends to be muted in my conscious mind. Does that make any sense?
But you’re clear now, right? What you feel and what you want are very important. Yes, it makes sense that consciousness on this subject would be muted. It sounds like you may have a narcissistic father like I had. A narcissist’s feelings and desires are the only ones that exist. Everyone else exists to serve his ends. A narcissist’s family are his satellites, revolving around him, with no independent existence. I’m so sorry.
It’s OK if you haven’t picked apart your feelings about your father. The way it works for me, I feel I was forced as a child to give my father so much energy and attention and fear, that I earned a permanent vacation from thinking about him. I have no obligation to pick apart my feelings.
But I did give it some thought, over the years. Though my father abused me emotionally when I was a defenseless child, he did house, feed, and clothe me. So, *if* I ever do anything for him, it will be limited to that. I might see to it that he is housed, fed, and clothed, if he ever cannot provide for himself. He’s in his mid 70s now, so that time may come soon. If I allow myself to do anything for him, I will do so through a third party. My role will be limited to writing checks and minimal communication with caretakers. I promised myself I would have no further contact with him. It’s a gift my adult self can give the scared little girl I used to be. I can protect that long ago child. No one else did.
I trust you to know what’s best for you. And I support your choices, even when they differ from mine. My request is that you be kind to yourself, fakely_mctest. You deserve all the kindness.
Toasties this wedding drama will not go away. Spouse was originally planning to stay with my sister and take her to said wedding that I will not be attending, but the groom has told him that is Not Allowed because There Are No Plus Ones, which I think is kind of shitty, especially since this is a cocktail reception with appetizers only, so it’s not like he would be saving a ton of money by excluding her. Plus then my sister told me she suspects it’s actually because friend’s fiancee has some kind of Problem with sister, based off of some tstuff that happened back in February, so that’s fun.
Plus then friend’s brother (also my friend) texted me and is town for the weekend and wants to hang out since I won’t be seeing him next week, and like, half of me wants to see him and try to salvage our relationship and half of me wants to make a clean break from the entire clan of wackos after next weekend. Moreover, two of my close friends who are familiar with the situation are advising me against seeing him, but I really want to — it sounds corny but we have sort of a special connection, and we kind of click in a way I don’t with a lot of people, and I’d hate to lose that because the rest of his family are a bunch of narcissistic toxic assholes.
ARGH is what I am saying.
Oh my god that wedding WILL NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE WTF
I cannot even with these people. This is why my friends think breaking things off with little brother too might be a good idea but I just don’t know. If we get together tomorrow I think I will dredge some of this up with him and deal with it, since we’ve been avoiding it and just trying to have our own little relationship over on the side of all this mess.
In other news, I swear I will email you soon about collaborating. Time keeps getting away from me!
It has been forever since I commented here! But I have a running related question?
I started running in January, a complete newbie, and eventually ran a 5k! Between runs my knees were really acting up, and I’d been having issues with my knees before I even started running (trouble kneeling and squatting, lots of gross grinding and clicking noises) and between runs they’d feel kind of stiff and swollen. I stretch before and after runs, and I was fitted for proper shoes. I went to the doctor about a week or two before the 5k I’d signed up for, and she said I could continue running so long as it didn’t hurt WHILE I ran, which it didn’t, but also sent me to get x-rays on my knees.
So, I ran my 5k, though not as well as I would have liked. Things got in the way and I never got around to going for the x-rays. I signed up for a 6k at the end of the summer, figured I had plenty of time to prep, and that I deserved a “break” from running. Two months later I haven’t run at all (though I’d been biking). I finally went out for a run the other day, and didn’t even make it down the street because my knees hurt quite a bit while running. They’re fine when I walk. The pain wasn’t debilitating, but it was enough to make me think I maybe shouldn’t be running on them? I could have possibly continued, but I didn’t.
Obviously now I’m going to get those x-rays…but…is there a way for me to keep running in the meantime? Am I doing the right thing in not running? Should I still get back out there?
I hate when I finally manage to motivate myself into fitness, and it feels like my body is against me!
I am not in any university a runner, but I’m a bit of a hypochondriac.. so I’d fall solidly on the side of not running until you know what’s going on. I had some knee pain a while ago and the doctor told me to go to physical therapy, but I didn’t need to stop with my physical activity. I had stopped until I was able to see the doctor, but getting the okay made me feel much better about it. Knees are important!
Hi! I’m a runner with PFPS, aka runner’s knee: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patellofemoral_pain_… Sounds like you might have it too. (But I’m not a doctor, so yes, please get the x-rays.)
It’s hard to treat and different for everyone, but here’s what has worked for me:
– wear knee sleeves or straps, like these: http://www.amazon.com/Mueller-Jumpers-Strap-1-Cou…
– ALWAYS ice your knees after running (this has been the biggest help for me). For pain, try ibuprofen and IcyHot/Bengay.
– don’t run every day, and take time off when you need to. I had a big flare-up two summers ago, didn’t run for a month, then slowly eased back into it (like, run/walking a mile every other day for two weeks, then a mile and a half, etc).
Good luck!
I have PFPS too! I never heard it called runner’s knee before. After a summer in which I had 5-7 appointments a week with various and sundry physical therapists, acupuncturists, chiropractors, and osteopaths, the things I learned that work best for me are:
1. Ibuprofen. Inflammation keeps it from getting better.
2. Hip stretches like mad
3. IT band stretches (these are fun because you can make your body into an I shape and then a T shape and say “IT band!”)
4. Hip alignment exercises before any knee-bending activity
5. Once constant swelling abates, unweighted squats with extreme focus on making the inside quads do their job.
Don’t run on a damaged joint! It will only damage it further. There are pains you should push through, and pains you should respectfully say ‘oh, yes, sorry, I’ll sit back down now’ to, and joint pains are in the latter category… Keep up the walking and biking and whatever else doesn’t hurt though!
Yeah, don’t run for now– at least until you get the x-ray. If it keeps you from training enough to run your race safely, you can skip the race, too– really! (Unless they made you sign your name in blood, then you pretty much have to run it)
While you’re not running, take some time to focus on mobility and stability in your joints– not just your knees, but your hips and ankles, too. You could check out IronStrength and/or MobilityWOD for some good ideas of exercises to try, as long as they don’t hurt.
I am at work for the first time since Monday at lunch! That’s when I got the call that the baby had a fever. Mr. LF is out of town all week for work. Baby also made me sick. Luckily my mom was coming for a couple days anyway, to help, and so she got to help extra! Really though it was terrible, and I didn’t like it, and also it was awful. I have spent most of today shopping for fabric on the internet and commenting on the Toast, which is probably not how I ought to be spending my time at this point, but it’s been fun!
I did manage to find a nice white shirt this week for my bow tie-wearing escapades, but I only managed to wash it, not iron it, so you’ll have to wait until next week for photographic evidence! Bought one for the boy too, but he needs to try it on first to see if the medium will do.
Last Friday I saw a baby fox chillin’ by the side of the dirt road. This Friday is not shaping up to be as epic.
There should be more baby foxes just wandering around looking adorable is what I am proposing.
Timehop informed me this morning that a year ago today I saw a baby bear just hanging out on the front lawn of my office, and my day has been a bitter disappointment from that point forward.
I saw a full grown fox on Tuesday evening as Mr Thuja and I were walking home from a trip to the farmers market and the hard cider tasting room. I then said that I’d buy a fox if I ever had stupid amounts of money. Mr Thuja pointed out that the cats would not appreciate this, but I hold onto the dream that they’d all be best friends forever.
Toasties with/experience with very small people, I want to ask here because babycenter scares me. My 7 month old still wakes up once or twice a night and I do feed him. Unwanted advice from co-workers has informed me that I’m losing the chance to teach him how to soothe himself back to sleep. He’s a big baby and he eats a lot! I feel awful denying him the bottle. Any advice/stories would be appreciated.
You are fine. He’s only 7th months. I say do what comes naturally to you. You know your baby much better than they do!
Only listen to asked-for advice, always for everything!!
No babies of my own (both don’t want to and can’t have for medical reasons), but I have many little nephews and a Master’s degree in developmental psychology. Take what I say with that in mind 🙂
Thank you! All sane advice is welcome.
My kid is 8 now, but I’m pretty sure she had a middle of the night bottle waaaaay past 7 months. I mostly didn’t read any parenting advice, because it seemed designed to make moms freak out and feel bad about their judgment, so if there’s a legit reason to worry about it I wouldn’t know. But it doesn’t seem to have permanently damaged my daughter in any way.
That makes me feel a load better. I try to avoid advice, but sometimes people just can’t help thrusting it upon you and then making you insane.
If it seems to be working for you and the baby, keep doing it. Your coworkers don’t know shit about your family and honestly, whatever works is great. All babies are different, and as long as yours seems healthy keep doing whatever the F you want.
Thank you! I know that in the back of my head, but you know the worry demons do gnaw.
‘Self soothing’ is just kids learning that no one comes when they cry. #throwingstones
Do what works for your family and don’t try and force your baby into someone else’s arbitrary schedule
There’s a book called _Bed Timing_ that talks about developmental stages and when you’re likely to have success doing sleep training; I recall it being pretty non-judgmental and informative.
Awesome, I just put it on hold!
Sleep issues can make you doubt yourself so bad, especially since usually you’re, well, _sleep deprived_ and that just amplifies everything. All will be well.
Tiny babies are hungry, are allowed to be hungry and when hungry should be fed. At seven months, he probably can’t eat enough to make it through the night. If you can get into a rhythm with him you both wake up around the same time for him to eat, it will make life a little easier.
I didn’t even try to get either girl to sleep without nursing for a year and a half. Because I am indulgent wuss. The first kid threw a 45 minute hissy fit, which got incrementally worse for two nights, and then decreased. I kind of wanted to wait until i thought she could understand words, and the words were – it is time to be asleep now. i will hug you and hold you and rock you and sooth you but there is no nursing at night any more – and she eventually bought it.
Four years later with the second daughter, I was bracing myself for another round of yelling and crying. She woke up, and I said, -remember? we aren’t nursing at night anymore?- and she said OK and rolled over and went back to sleep. Utter non-event.
Seven month olds are tiny. No matter how much bigger they are now than when they were born, they are tiny!!
I appreciate these stories so much, I can’t even tell you. My extinct is definitely that the poor guy is starving! He doesn’t even wake up in a traditional sense, just cries in his sleep until he gets the bottle and then his whole body just melts. He’s 90th for height, but only 75th for weight, so he’s a long skinny kiddo!
Would *you* be roommates with a 42-year-old lady?
I’ve been roommates with a 42-year-old lady, actually. I rented her upstairs bedroom when I was in nursing school. Granted, our schedules were such that we never saw each other, but she was still wonderful.
I’m roommates with a 47 year old lady (and her kids, Mr. Floridagal, and several pets) so yeah, I would. It’s been a pretty good experience in spite of the age gap (I’m in my late 20’s) that initially had me wary.
Yep, but I’m 38 so.
I already am and I am 24! The house has people of several different ages so it’s not a Thing.
of course – when did you want to move in?
Totes! If you’re lucky, she will have really nice kitchen equipment because adults.
People! What do you listen to for music? I have been trying to beat Slacker or Spotify into something that serves me things I like, and I am having very small amounts of luck and I am bummed.
I’ve tried making a station of only women, but the dudes creep in. I’ve tried existing stations but none of them play enough women of any stripe. Have you developed a perfect online station, and can I subscribe to it? I have trouble with rap (can’t lyric well) but like a lot of other things, and I’m attempting to stay young by listening to what kids these days listen to and I want MOAR WOMEN DAMMIT – how hard can that be????
In other news I have finished a stunning thing and I am pleased with myself. It is here: http://leethomsonart.com/2015/06/05/velmas-barn-f…
Oh wow, that is seriously stunning! I just clicked through all the galleries and am in complete and total awe.
thank you!!
Do you want recs for women artists? I feel like all of the new music I have picked up in the past two years are women, to atone of years of not listening to any. What genres are you in to?
yes please!
I have mad affection for Joni Mitchell, all her stuff but even the jazz things are things that make me happy.
I was having gun with the best of New Wave on slacker, except it all started sounding the same.
The Go-Gos, and the Ditty-Bops, Joan Armatrading and Talking Heads (not women but I luuurve them)
We have a couple newer bands getting airplay locally – Rubble Bucket and And The kids, and (basically out of left field) the TuneYArds. Oh, and Ana Tijoux.
That’s seriously random!
so that abstracts to what? I think melodic, good beat, some guitars or piano or other recognizable instruments, interesting lyrics to try to chase down.
Just tell me what you like? I’m grateful for any new reccs!
I tend to listen to pretty straightforward lo-fi rock stuff, so I may not have a ton of good recs for more abstract things, but here are a few things I have listened to a ton lately.
-Do you like surf rock at all? La Luz reminds me tangentially of some of the things you mentioned, new album out in August.
-Kind of similar is a band Las Robertas, hazy rock music, melodic
-Laid back summer vibe, rock music, but with some synth – Alvvays, album came out late last year. I love it.
-For something groovier you may like Wye Oak, the last album, Shriek, has the leader singer / guitarist Jenn Wasner switching to bass from guitar. So a different vibe from their older rock stuff.
-I am seeing Courtney Barnett soon, she really excels at lyrics. Her style is very conversational over more simple backing bands parts. She is such a good lyricist. Her big song off her first album was Avant Gardner. She is on tour with Chastity Belt, another kind of summer vibe rock band. (For a funny pro-women side project, check out the band Childbirth, more of a straight punk band though)
-(Wow all i have is chill rock??Summer vibes I guess) I really like the album Garbage Beach by Outer Spaces, the lead singer has a great rich voice.
-Been really obsessed with the track by Mitski called I Will
-For full on 70s inflected (think I have that right) catchy as hell rock with bad ass vocals, check out Sheer Mag
Ok have to go catch my ride!
I have actually found iTunes radio to be the best of all of the predictive streaming places. I have found an awful lot of new music via my “Mynahbirds” station with no further tweaks beyond: The Mynabirds is the name of a band I like please to play me stuff like that. I don’t know if you could limit by gender though.
I have a love/hate relationship with last.fm for similar reasons. It’s pretty good at obeying my instructions now, but it’s still a wonky contraption for listening to music.
I know, right? It seems to think of a lot of factors that match that I care about not one whit, and then fails to match the single thing I DO care about and then suddenly something amazing comes on and I realize why I listen to “stations” instead of my ipod over and over.
Songza has several lady-oriented lists, I think.
I discovered Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings and I LOVE HER.
oooh, thank you!
Yeaaah, about that. I’m a Sag, which supposedly makes for commitment issues, and a Capricorn moon, which commits deeply and wholeheartedly to everything. Sure explains why I’m confused a lot of the time.
Uuuugh I’m so sorry that that happened to you. All the advice I can give you is just:
-practice saying “no.” Just to yourself in the mirror, until you yourself believe it and you can hear yourself being assertive. Teach yourself to say it as a complete sentence, without any qualifiers.
-don’t be afraid of being mean. You don’t owe those dudes anything. This is NYC, the Unapologetically Mean capital of the world. In fact it can be really fun to be mean to men who think they’re entitled to you.
-Also you can just say “I have to go.” Where? Who cares. None of their business.
In time you will become a mean-looking New Yorker who men fear to approach. It just takes practice and a lot of saying “no.”
ETA: this was supposed to be a reply to mcw816! Durn it.
Half way through work today I discovered I’d put my knickers on backwards this morning.
That’s the kind of day it’s been.
Happened to me yesterday. I hear you sister.
I feel like any day I remember to put my knickers on before my socks is going to be a good day. When I get it backwards it just throws off my whole game.
That happened to me yesterday, but they were inside-out.
I went a full work day with my shirt inside-out last week.
Toastfolk! Does anyone have any recommendations for good internet communities -besides- the Toast comments? Preferably writing or book-related ones. I’ve been a part of an amazing writing forum since I was 14, but thanks to Skype and the inevitable drifting away of members, the forum itself is now extremely slow. I can still talk to my forum friends via Facebook/Skype/Tumblr/text messages, so I haven’t lost many people, but I still want a place online where I can go after work and discuss interesting things–or just talk about my day–with a group of nice bookish people. I’m aware this may be a lot to ask of an internet group.
This is completely unrelated I’m afraid, but the only other internet community I’ve found that I feel comfortable a) commenting on, b) interacting in the comments, and c) generally READING the comments is Dinosaur Dracula, but that’s kind of a niche place for those of us that like nostalgia, toys, Halloween and weird snack foods.
I just went there, and haven’t hit the comments yet, but this article about imaginary food you’d like to eat is pretty great: http://dinosaurdracula.com/blog/fictional-food/#m…
and now i see you actually commented on this very thing.
if I could eat imaginary foods, there’s a couple of choice meals from disney animated features that I’d like to get in on.
Make a facebook group for the forum peeps? Some friends and I did that to replace a moribund forum we all ‘met’ on and it’s thriving.
Oh man, I think we actually did that years ago! I wonder what happened to it? I’ll have to take a look.
Making Light was my Internet home for a long time pre-Toast – actually I think it was ML that introduced me to this wonderful place. Lots of smart people, strong moderation, spontaneous poetry. Mostly sci-fi geeks and more diverse politically than the The Toast, but a very similar community.
I am a terrible wife. MrKat works for a start-up and as part of them ramping-up their media presence they’re filming more promotional stuff, and the latest includes an unscripted talking head with him: my darling, verbally dyslexic, filthy-mouthed husband. They filmed it today and all week he’s been acting very exasperated about it, which I have interpreted as annoyance at it taking time away from him when he’s busy as fuck. Apparently, no, he was mad about it because he was nervous as balls. So I’ve been teasing him like an asshole all week, and now he texts me that he had to have a double scotch before they filmed it because he was so tense. I had no idea. Why not TELL YOUR WIFE YOU’RE NERVOUS, GENIUS? I wouldn’t have been so damn girl funny at him if I’d known.
You are not a terrible wife if you fail to read his mind.
I have to remind Mr. Rose to communicate! Communicate! Early and often. Other times I say, Make Words Now. About your feelings. He seems to think silently feeling his feelings while in the same room with me is sufficient.
“Make words now. About your feelings.”
By the time I get to that point, it’s usually too late.
In high school, I started buying the best quality clothes I could afford, and didn’t worry about having a new outfit for each day of the week. High school was the 1970s. When I got my first professional job, I continued this tradition, just adding in accessories. IN my 30’s I learned I was bipolar and part of my everyday survival habits (I guess you could call it that), especially during depressions, was having my outfits figured out before hand … which I was already kind of doing, but I could be completely stymied somedays by having a choice between 2 pairs of shoes.
The thing with buying the best quality you can afford is having clothes from the 70s, 80s and 90s that are in really good shape, and your daughter wants to wear them now.
Anyway, the limited wardrobe has made so many things easier over the years, including packing for a business trip in 10 minutes because you really don’t have to choose from multitudes of clothing. As long as you look elegant, people will be more impressed with that, the elegance, rather than that you wear the same-ish outfits everday.
(This was in response to whoever made a comment about a capsule wardrobe, way back on page 1/comments. Intensedebate is being quite the character today. I’ve had to shut off my laptop 3 times so far since 11am, and now it’s 2:36 pm and I’ve finally landed on page 3/comments. WTF? Behave!)
You guys, I ate bean burritos for lunch and now I am SUPER FARTY and I fear anyone that walks into my cube for the next hour and a half.
uhhhh toastie oversharing thread, I guess?
Ooh! Overshare! I floss my teeth at my desk when there’s no one around. I totally do.
I have flossed my teeth in car while stopped in traffic.
I had leftover refried beans with cheese and sour cream for breakfast on Wednesday and was a fart machine all day. And of course I work in an open office. I had to take walks outside rather often…
I’ve always understood that as you take in more fibre, your body gets used to it and the farts drop off substantially.
By which I mean to say, more burritos for errybody!
I’m seeing the Tig Notaro documentary Tig at SIFF tomorrow night and Tig is GOIN TO BE THERE FOR A Q&A!!! Don’t let me down, people of Seattle.
Also, anybody want to get spoilery about the Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell adaptation. I’ll start after this comment goes up.
I love the way they are treating Strange as he was my favorite character. It pains me to say it, but the complete disregard for the footnotes is ruining the context for most of the character’s actions as a huge fan of the book. The lack of them makes Norrell just seem like an asshole who fears the Raven King for no reason. The way they are presenting the Gentleman is also troubling as he is supposed to be charming at first when people who are not Norrell meet him. The guy who plays him is knocking it out of the park, but he’s just 100% sinister menace, whereas he is supposed to be oily and have a sly sense of humor. Wish they made it longer too, because the amount of time that passed while Strange was at war felt like it could have been a few months, not the 2+ years it really was.
Childermass & Drawlight are just perfect, though. As is Arabella.
I pretty much agree on all counts! I’m warming up to the Gentleman, but I do miss his over-the-top personality and blinding egotism from the book. I thought it a very odd choice to show more interaction between him and Arabella. In fact there were a number of odd choices in episode 3! I’m never one to insist that an adaptation stick strictly to the book, but Episode 3 did straight up invent a number of conversations and interactions from whole cloth (as it were!), and while I didn’t mind most of them (the embroidery was a really neat idea, very Greek) the additions left me feeling a little disoriented, having just binge-reread the book.
This is the first episode that my friend and I didn’t immediately rewatch almost in its entirety. We did rewatch Lady Pole in the square, throwing off her shawl like a boss, but the rest was rather gruesome and depressing.
Welp it’s probably way too late for a decent Fallen London thread, but I just needed to brag that I WON THE YACHT IN ONE GAME
SUCK IT, APPLES
*spikes football*
I finally have all the Whirring Contraptions I need for my Zubmarine! Now on to Bejeweled Lenses….
Hooray! I’ve just today zet zail for the first time ever (in my zubmarine). Trying to get my troubled waters high enough to hunt a plated seal…
Go you!
I am fiddling around, flipping cards and waiting to go to Zee for the new Port Carnelian content until Monday, when I can more regularly be at a computer rather than a mobile device.
(obligatory spreadsheet reference! Get your menace reduction, coin, etc. requests in before I go back to Zee and am out of reach.)
If I understand correctly, do you have to be banished from Court before you can do the Foreign Office story that will let you do Port Carnelian? I went to zee before it was announced so I can’t check.
Email reply hasn’t gone through yet, which means it won’t, so:
That’s what I understand from the forums! It’s been so long for me that I have no personal recollection. But I definitely saw people say that they headed to Zee before it was made clear that you have to do the Foreign Office even if you’ve already done it. =>
I’m spending all of my time hunting dangerous animals or trying to heal my wounds.
Well done! I am at zee trying to dodge the nefarious Dr Orthos long enough to snag enough research notes to be let back into the university, and maybe snag a plated seal while I’m at it.
I got back into the university last week! It was very exciting. Now I’m going to try for the plated seal.
Hooray for both of you! I just achieved my plated seal, which required some pretty freaky times in troubled waters, but I’m looking forward to having some fun in the Labyrinth of Tigers with it. (Haven’t done any beast-breeding yet)
I do not at all understand the scientific journey thing, but before I set out I got 100pp of each type so I hope I’ll be able to go round some islands while I’m out here at zee and have some good times. Zcience!
BaronBenas
Thank you so much RoseCamelia. Those are wise, kind words.
HOLY SHIT TOASTS, MY BABY COUSIN JUST GOT A JOB OFFER FROM SPACE X
AAAAAAAAAA
that is amazing!!!
I AM JEALOUS EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO SKILLS SPACE X WOULD EVER WANT!!! AND SO EXCITED FOR YOUR BABY COUSIN!!!!
double this!! 😀
it’s only 1 PM here and already i have spent half my morning on my hands and knees in a crawlspace with a flashlight in my mouth. I can confirm that it is indeed Friday, and not a moment too soon. Only a few more hours!
Tomorrow (6/6) was supposed to be our due date, so I’m having a hard time. We got a card from the hospital’s perinatal bereavement office yesterday that said “thinking of you on your due date” and a handwritten personalized note from someone in that office and first I had a massive crying jag and then I sat there thinking, that has to be the worst job in the world. The person whose job it is to send cards to people reminding them of something that is absolutely fraught with enough emotion as it is without getting cards sent to you, no matter how nice they are.
I’m also having a weird time with Twitter right now. I follow someone who is in person a very nice person and I like them a lot, but who online is just a constant fountain of complaints about their job (which is public and customer facing) and the customers and the feedback they get about said job. Every piece of constructive or unconstructive criticism this person gets about the way they do their job becomes fodder for their twitter account which has, over time, just become a really long chronicle of “things people have said in reviews of my product that I am going to disagree with” and it’s getting really burdensome to read. I guess I should just unfollow.
I’m dreading tomorrow.
Thanks <3
Oh Scandyhoovian, I’m so sorry. Tomorrow is going to suck no matter what but I hope you can at least try to take it easy and be gentle to yourself.
Disaster movie marathon, I think. If we decide to leave the house it’ll be to see San Andreas. If not, I’ll just farm Netflix for the best of what they’ve got. Thanks for commenting <3
Thinking of you today. Hugs from across the internet.
I’m so, so sorry. I hope you’re able to take it easy tomorrow.
I’m planning on disconnecting from the internet and watching a ton of Netflix. Hopefully that makes it pass quickly enough. <3
Oh Scandy, all my love to you and your partner.
(re – twitter – the mute button is glorious thing…..)
Thanks. <3
Yeah, I’ve actually muted them before (I use Tweetbot, so I have the option to mute for a week, a day, or a month) thinking that maybe I was getting sensitive to it and just needed a break from it, but as soon as the mute expired, I was right back to feeling the same way about it. I don’t see the point in perma-muting someone (why not just remove them?) so… *shrug* Might just mean it’s time to unfollow, I guess.
Oh Scandyhoovian, I’m so sorry. I know you’re hurting, but I can never know exactly how it feels. I can only imagine it’s deeply awful. I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow. ::jedi hugs::
I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. Keep wanting to share my own experience but it’s just not helpful at all – what I can say is what I say to myself. “One step, another step.” Be gentle with yourself. <3 <3 <3
I”ve gone through with three different pregnancies.I just helped my SIL through it, too. Just be gentle to yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to without judgement. And if getting drunk helps, shut the doors, turn on weepy movies, and get drunk. Nothing will feel ok and that’s not fair, but whatever you need to do, you do it for you and we will all be sending you love.
Oh, love. Many many hugs to you. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow.
I’m so sorry — I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you tomorrow.
Thinking of you and sending lots of love.
<3 Have been, and will continue to be, thinking of you.
What tops do you make–do you use patterns, and if so, which ones? I’m looking for the One (or Two) True Pattern(s) to make a bunch of work tops from so that I don’t ever have to think about getting dressed.
Oh man this is my favorite question! I use Colette’s Laurel & Grainline’s Tiny Pocket Tank without the tiny pocket. I had to do a full bust adjustment on both and add a bit of fabric to the armscye for the Laurel, and it took foooooorever to get it right but now I have 6 shirts that fit me beautifully. Colette’s patterns are nice because they’re actually sized for a C cup to start with, but if I make it to fit my bust size with no adjustments, it’s still kind of boxy and awful looking. I also really love splitting the darts so you get two nice parallel bust darts – I think it looks gorgeous and like nothing you’d see in a store.
Another thing I do is add underlining to both patterns which means you can have a really lovely and fancy looking finish – no visible hem stitches – and they hang really nicely and look much more expensive than the $15-20 worth of fabric each one takes. (In my opinion; maybe everyone around me is like “Look at that lady in her home-stitched sackcloth.”) The idea is that I try and take simple patterns and finish them as nicely as I can so that I have something that really feels great when I wear it. I have to talk myself into this as I tend to rush shit and take short cuts and then I just spent a long time making something I’m unhappy with.
I gave myself a buzzcut and I love it tbh
Also I love Mad Max, which couldn’t have possibly been more My Thing if they had sat down with a committee to figure out exactly what I love
pls talk me out of doing an Imperator Furiosa cosplay for Gen Con (I’m totally doing an Imperator Furiosa cosplay for Gen Con)
Dooooo it! I am terrible, but it’s a badass costume and I hope tons of people do awesome takes on it.
You can’t give yourself a buzz cut and then NOT cosplay Furiosa for a con!
Also I’m totally jealous of you, I think I’d look rad with a buzz cut but I’m too scared. Of both the buzz cut and the inevitable growing-it-back. Way to go being brave and awesome and stylish!
Buzz cuts are so great! (okay, technically only 3/4 of my head is buzzed, but that part is so fuzzy & I can’t stop petting it. Also I can feel the breeze! It’s so nice in the summer.)
I already had a pixie cut so I wasn’t actually taking THAT huge of a leap — it was still really scary, though! I was really worried my head would be funny-shaped.
That being said, I loooove iiiiit! I love it way more than I thought I would, actually! (Join us ohohoho)
Why would I talk you out of such a magnificent thing? Have an awesome time with it!
Why on earth would we want to talk you out of that?
Why in the world would anyone talk you out of it?
I am considering doing Nux but am uncertain the laws of nature will allow me to get all my hair until a bald cap.
Edit: Ah! Comment triplets in a row!
Why would we ever talk you out of that?!?
I CONSUMED QUITE A LOT OF CAFFEINE TODAY AND WAS EXTREMELY PRODUCTIVE. I THINK THIS MIGHT BE WHAT DRUGS* FEEL LIKE.
I have also discovered that Benefit Push Up eyeliner is the absolute best, and if you rock a cateye flick I strongly recommend it as being easy to use and requiring about 8 gallons of industrial solvent to remove.
ALSO: I recorded a piece for BBC radio yesterday (!!!), on a Historic Topic About Which I Know Stuff, and was talking about gender/class/race oppression in a historic context. I ended the piece with, essentially “shit’s still bad because straight white Men”. Part of me is cackling at the thought of a bit of public broadcast patriarchy-smashing, and part of me is nervous that I’ll get hate-tweets when it’s broadcast.
*no particular drug. Just, y’know, drugs. Whatever ones we’re currently fighting a War On.
The basic pie crust recipe in the (classic!) Fanny Farmer Cookbook cannot be improved upon. Get out that big ass bowl and pastry cutter! It works with shortening, butter, or a combo thereof. Add water in tablespoons, as recommended, until you’ve made it a few times and just know how much it takes.
Hello Toast friends,
I’ve been having a stressful time at work recently. I work in a retail store and have been with the company for a few years now, and have already been feeling like I want to move on and find something more related to my field now that I am almost done school (I’m an older student and feel long overdue for getting an actual degree and finding a full time job). Now there has been some underground push for a union at my particular store (it’s one of the bigger stores in a large chain) and I’m conflicted about what I want to do. I have always been fairly satisfied with my wage and hours, and generally feel like we work at one of the best places for retail, but I know that many of my coworkers don’t feel the same way. The store I work for is part of a dying industry, and I’m concerned that unionizing will do to the profitability, not to mention all the other changes. As well, some of my coworkers especially spearheading the union campaign are actually pretty shitty workers, who do things like miss shifts without explanation, and I don’t entirely blame management for giving them low hours. I’ve been part of a unionized workforce before, and was quite happy with that, and would be happy to pay union dues to get the benefits of a union. But really right now I just want to get out of the store even more than usual and find some place new to work that doesn’t have this weird tension going on (the higher ups caught wind of this and have been trying to have dialogues and are just in general panicking). I’ve been losing sleep over it and feeling bad that part of me wants it to not happen to make my life less uncomfortable, even though I intend to leave within a year anyway, even though I know it could be beneficial for others.
Your petty dislike of a handful of your coworkers is no reason to deny ALL YOUR COWORKERS and ALL THE WORKERS AFTER YOU the benefits of union representation (you know, those little perks like economic security and dignity and a living fucking wage). Get over yourself.
so, got my annual review and I am great at my job!
but I find my job very unchallenging!
am I just supposed to like, reconcile these two points or is this a sign that I am in the wrong job? I like my boss and colleagues, but am in a fairly low level position in a small department without any real culture of upward growth (everyone stays in their jobs forever!) and not much of a clear path for moving up.
I think that depends on your field! And possibly how your workplace compares to others in your field? As an example: I used to work for a small academic press at which there was next to zero chance of moving up: experience gap was too wide between entry level jobs and management level jobs, but budgets were too small to create any intermediate levels that permitted good entry level workers more scope for their talents. My understanding is that, in this respect, the small press resembled other small nonprofit organizations: although large multinational publishing houses could offer something like a career ladder, talented junior staff in smaller organizations must follow more of a career zigzag and hop from company to company to get the experience they need to advance.
Does this sound like your situation?
very much. i’ve stayed in small academic nonprofit arenas my whole working career so far. it’s just, I’m pushing 5 years in, and feel like i’ve moved forward by micro-steps.
5 years is more than enough to prove yourself in a role, discover its limitations, and zigzag yourself to another company that can offer you greater responsibility for greater compensation, if that’s what you want. But CleverManka makes a good point in that there is something to be said for a job you do well and are appreciated for doing. Not every company will give you that.
Time to articulate some pros and cons and what you feel is missing and what do you need from a job (where you spend a big chunk of your life!) versus what you need from the rest of your time. On my blog I posted a couple of exercises from a career book that I found super helpful, because they address not just what you do but the atmosphere you do it in, which I find is extremely important to me.
Do you want that sort of career? Myself, I’ve always just wanted a job that I can leave behind me and not even think about when I get home. Being great and appreciated at something that doesn’t make me miserable is just fine with me. If that’s not you, though, maybe stay there long enough that it won’t look weird on resume while you find something that’s a little more suited to your own work goals.
you know, no one’s actually ever asked me that before. that IS a nice benefit to where I’m at now…and by default I do actually have a much better work/life balance than I might have by inclination alone. I’ll need to ponder that one for a minute.
if i could isolate the feelings down to one objective, i guess it would be that i’d just like a greater range of capacity to enact the policies and changes i’d like to enact. there are shortfalls i’d like to address and fix in the way we handle things, but I can’t actually make any of the decisions i’d like to at least be able to have input toward. really more than anything, the place i’m at now has a tendency to maintain all aspects of status quo, and really maybe that is what i should look to move away from. i’m glad you asked; i hadn’t really hashed it out this way before.
Glad I could help!
I have a scrapbooking question! I am doing a compilation of letters from my sister’s friends for her wedding. Does anyone know of a place to get a good scrapbook that holds 8.5×11 paper? A lot of the stuff I’m seeing online is photo sized. It would be great to slide in pages or to paste them in. I think we’ll have about 20-25 pages?
Hello Toastfriends,
I’ve got a bit of a cold and “I am Big Bird” is now available on amazon so my Friday night is pretty set.
Welcome to the surprisingly-large-cup-size, yet-no-bra-necessary club! I can comfortably do jumping jacks without wearing one, but I’m actually a D-DD because my rib cage is preternaturally emaciated.
How do you work up the courage to go braless for extended periods of time, though? I’m worried that a hint of nipple might show through through thin summery fabrics, or something.
Yikes, please tell me this comment is nesting correctly on everyone else’s browser?
Mixing hair colours is basically the best. Go for iiiiiit 🙂
I use two different purples for an ombre look, with dark near the roots and lighter at the ends, mixing in the middle (I only color the bottom layers)
Long underwear. Always take long underwear camping. That way if it turns out that you have underestimated how cold it gets at night or in lousy weather or whatever, you have a simple fix. Plus you can wear them as PJs if need be. (This message brought to you by someone who always underestimates how cold it gets at night.)
Also, the best earplugs for sleeping are the vaguely cylindrical foam drugstore ones that say "soft" on the package. The best earplugs for live music that is too loud are the blue Etymotic high-fidelity ones, which are like $20 but they are good at making music quieter without changing how it sounds much and you can reuse them basically forever.
Okay I almost ran into the kitchen to try this recipe
DON’T DO THIS
TO ME RIGHT NOW UGH now I am craving some quiche.
OH MY GOD TWO OF OUR TICKS MOLTED. I HAVE BEEN PLUCKING THOSE FAT LITTLE FUCKERS OFF OF LIZARDS SINCE FEBRUARY AND TWO OF THEM FINALLY DECIDED TO GROW UP.
The little assholes mostly just sit there and mock us and then grow mold for unknown reasons. There is zero literature on how to actually successfully raise ticks and even though my PI came from a lab that did at one point do it, she doesn’t know how. And according to the Crazy Tick Lady, there is no way to tell the difference between a molting tick and a dead one. And the process can take months.
at least now we have minions, er, undergrads, to check the ticks for us. There are TOO MANY.
This week I read Mary Henley’s biography of LM Montgomery (was inspired by the Pat of Silver Bush post) and it was kind of devastating. I just feel like she could have been way happier if she had the luxury of not giving a fuck about what other people thought. Also if there were less awful men in her life, in particular that dude from the Canadian Author’s Association who was all like ‘your books are popular and written by a woman therefore they are not literature!’ And her shitty son, oh my god. I just wanted her to stop giving him money!
Guys, this is the first day of summer, and my son is through with lower elementary school. Also, one of my only friends at his school is married to an army man, and they are moving. I’m so sad I cried. I never cry. I am just a wreck. So many changes!
So how many of you in the Pacific Northwest (specifically Western WA and VI and Vancouver area) are going to the Lavender Festival in Sequim this year? It is the best festival in the PNW. Save the dates! July 17, 18 & 19
Hey guys? Is the reason “it has made sex terrible and dry and often impossible” a good enough reason to get my copper IUD removed? I mean, I know it’s my body and I don’t have to have anything in there I don’t want in there, but I don’t have any of the “official” side effects and the insecure part of me is afraid the doctor will scoff at me and tell me it’s nothing to do with the IUD but it is, I’m it is, because i never had a problem with Vaginal Aridity before and now it is always a problem.
Has anyone else had trouble with unlubrification since getting the copper IUD? The wider internet is full of accounts but they often end with “and then Jesus told me to yank it out myself SO I DID” so I don’t necessarily want to take their advice.
If it’s making you miserable, it’s okay to get it removed. I have found that the nurses at Planned Parenthood are kind and generous with their time–maybe make an appointment at your local clinic and see what they suggest?
(…that said, silicon based lube is infinitely more comfortable than water-based lube, and longer lasting. Maybe give that a try first?)
I’m afraid I’m going to die being the only person I know besides my mother who’s read J.P. Donleavy and Iris Murdoch.
Guys spoilers for tonight’s Game of Thrones episode was released online and I read them and I shouldn’t have because AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
If you like shopping you should check out the 9 streets (de 9 straatjes) http://www.de9straatjes.amsterdam/en/home .
I would also reccomend getting a card for public transport in the netherlands. https://www.ov-chipkaart.nl/aanvragen/welkekaartp…
I was dashing out from work to buy lunch, and while crossing the road, the fastener on my front-fastening bra broke into two. I am not an easy size to fit, and bras are an investment for me, so that was a very awkward afternoon of keeping my arms crossed just enough to hide, but not enough to pop out of my shirt. Fun times
Not even Deep Space Nine?
…I'll show myself out.