Questions I Have For John Hawkes Now That I Know He Was On An Episode Of Buffy -The Toast

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Screen Shot 2015-06-08 at 11.56.02 PMJohn Hawkes, you’ve been around for a long time but are perhaps most well known for your roles in Deadwood and Winter’s Bone. Why didn’t you tell me you were on the episode of Buffy where the teen murder sex ghost possesses her and Angel?

John Hawkes, do you think Spike’s character arc was an interesting chart of slow but progressive redemption, or a waste of a perfectly interesting villain?

John Hawkes, Joss Whedon has reportedly said that “I Only Have Eyes For You” was the episode where he realized David Boreanaz was a strong enough actor to pull off his own series. Why would he say that? Why would anyone ever say that?

John Hawkes, at one point in your turn on Buffy The Vampire Slayer you shoot one of the teachers while suffering absolutely zero consequences (admittedly while under the thrall of Ghost James, who would later go on to play Harrison on Popular, who was basically Xander but that’s an argument for another time). I realize that Sunnydale has a fairly relaxed judicial system, but shouldn’t they have arrested you?

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John Hawkes, what was it like filming on Buffy while you were a teeny tiny baby? You are clearly seven in this screenshot. Were you nervous, being seven? Also: why did you look a little bit like Ryan Atwood from The O.C.? Why would you do that?

Award-winning The Sessions star John Hawkes, in “Becoming: Part 2,” Spike tells Buffy, “We like to talk big, vampires do. ‘I’m going to destroy the world.’ It’s just tough guy talk. Struttin’ around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You’ve got dog racing, Manchester United, and you’ve got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It’s all right here,” when he attempts to get her to team up with him to fight Angel before he summons Acathla and destroys the world. Yet not eight episodes previous, Spike and Drusilla reassemble the Judge, a demon “brought forth to rid the earth of the plague of humanity. To separate the righteous from the wicked and burn the righteous down.” [Extremely The Simpsons voice] Boy, I sure hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

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John Hawkes, look at how little you are! Okay?

John Hawkes, you’ve worked with Helen Hunt, Daniel Day-Lewis, Jennifer Lawrence, and Ian McShane. Given that Joss Whedon drives so many of us crazy so much of the time, why can’t I stop watching old episodes of Buffy on Netflix at 2 in the morning, 18 years later?

Should I really watch Angel? Two people I normally listen to have both told me it’s better than Buffy, but I can’t quite bring myself to believe them. It stars Angel, you know? And that awful girl from Serenity is a dancer in it, and I don’t like the clips of Fred I’ve seen on YouTube, and I hated Wesley on Buffy and also was never crazy about Cordelia so why am I supposed to want to watch a show where they all work at a law firm, and also Pete from Mad Men was on it, right? Connor? And everyone hated that. Is it really that good? Please bear in mind that I did not hate “Doublemeat Palace,” if that’s helpful in determining whether or not I should watch it. Thank you for your time.

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