The Greatest Wedding Group Shot Of All Time Is From 14th-Century Bologna

by Mallory Ortberg · June 10, 2015

i wish every body would go away and leave me alone
i just want

drums

i just want

Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 10.49.19 AM

i just want to play my drums

Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 10.49.28 AM

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19 Comments

  2. jifueko +122

    These single picture articles are the BEST. He should cross time and fictional space and team up with Mary

  3. leslieellenjones +59

    People tend to look at medieval architecture and comment that everyone was much shorter in those days. This may be a chicken-and-egg issue, but medieval art suggests that people just walked around with their heads drooped over all the time–was it because the doorways were too low for them, too? Or did the builders just think, hey, nobody walks with their head upright, why bother making the doorway any higher?

    1. badmuthahydra +38

      I’ve told (and this may be completely false) that doorways in castles were intentionally made low so that people would automatically bow when entering – just in case the lord was there.

      Social awkwardness affecting design is a marvelous thing. The modern revolving door was invented by Theophilus Van Kannel, who hated having to open doors for ladies and do the awkward ‘after YOU’ dance with gents.

    3. damanoid +98

      Ignore all contrary theories, the low door thing is actually about keeping out TALL GHOSTS. Nobody worried about short ghosts, but what if your ghost is really tall? Short doors solve the problem.

      (CHAINS RATTLE) “…WooOOooo! Cursed be this hall, until the blood of–” *BONK* “AAGGH goddamn it“

      1. leslieellenjones +20

        But this still doesn’t address why all medieval people have apparently flaccid neck muscles. UNLESS ALL OF THEM ARE ACTUALLY GHOSTS OF PEOPLE WHO WERE HANGED!!!!

        1. damanoid +35

          Here we see the subconscious mind at work. Drooping one’s head made one look less like a tall ghost, which was the only problematic kind of ghost, which in turn symbolized the omnipresent threat of Death. In times of extreme plague or war, medieval people would actually knuckle-walk like apes, or simply wiggle-romp from place to place like ferrets.

          The droopy posture also helped to prevent the tines of your party crown from scraping the low doorways.

  4. Frumiosa +66

    Well hey at least the groomsmen have matching fanny packs. And the best man remembered to bring the wedding pigeon.

  5. alula_auburn +12

    I feel like that drummer is my spirit animal. Or spirit drummer. Whatever. Go away and leave me alone!

  7. bighairnoheart +50

    Are they singing or are they in pain? Who cares. It’s the fourteenth century. They’ll all be dead of plague in an hour or two.

  11. innocent_smith +9

    I don’t think anyone in that picture wants to be in that picture. They’re all pissed off, distressed, or bored senseless, each in their own individual way. Except maybe for the possibly-a-nun in the upper left, who does seem to be smiling. As only half her face is showing, I’m not sure whether it’s genuine or sarcastic, or perhaps she’s just relieved she’s not the one getting married wearing a crown that has broken her neck.