Celebrities I Have Long Believed Are Enchanted Dogs In Human Form -The Toast

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Obviously, Channing Tatum and Joe Manganiello. The entire male cast of Magic Mike XXL, really, all wet noses and unbridled enthusiasm and hanging their heads out of car windows and sniffing things for the sheer joy of being alive. If Labrador Retrievers had abs, it would be these men. Fights are quickly dissolved into celebrations of life. They probably eat garbage, and kick their legs in the air if you scratch them in the right place. Life is reaction, and smelling other people’s hair, and moving as quickly as possible, and mating cheerfully, and finding a warm spot by the fire to curl up in.


Also Freddie Prinze Jr, which I feel REALLY strongly about ever since I watched I Know What You Did Last Summer for the first time last month, because he’s got those big sad Sarah MacLachlan dog-commercial dog-eyes, like he’s coming up on his last few good years and the shelter workers aren’t sure if anyone’s ever going to take him home, even though he’s a great dog.


Other celebrities I’m convinced have been be-witched up into human bodies (but who are secretly all tails and hip dysplasia):

  • Danza, Tony
  • Evans, Chris
  • Pratt, Chris
  • Not any of the Hemsworths, for some reason
  • Selena Gomez?? like a really pretty fluffy Pomeranian

The real question, right, about these enchanted dogs, is: are they happy as celebrities, or would they be happier if we released them to their true forms and allowed them to run free on a beach somewhere? I wonder, sometimes.

Kendra Wells is an illustrator who gives great Girl Tips

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