Miserable Tambourine Players In Western Art History

by Mallory Ortberg · September 14, 2015

The tambourine is a percussive instrument with a wooden casing, animal-skin drumhead, and a number of small metal zils. Within its circular frame, it contains an ocean of suffering. No one who has ever held a tambourine has known joy. It is known colloquially among its players as “The Pain Hoop.” It is a well-known saying among the mothers of France that it is “better to watch your child die than let her hold a tambourine.” They say it all the time. Not when you’re around, obviously, they don’t say it to tourists. But they do say it.

tamb10

like the tambourine, we exist only to be struck briefly, then put aside
like the tambourine, we are stretched tight on an endless rack 

tamb11

balsa wood, goat skin, a bit of tin
yet somehow it is heavier than the world entire

tamb9

oh, sisters
if you could see me now
burdened with the stewardship of the Grief Hoop
I had rather you saw me dead

tamb8

I play the drums as my mother taught me
slowly
and with great contempt

tamb7

look up?
why?
there is nothing to look up for
only this wreath of anguish and pine

tamb6

my tambourine, my prison
my tambourine, my handcuffs
my tambourine, my grave

tamb3

remember, girls
you cannot play the tambourine without hitting yourself
life is pain, then life is ended
strike on the third count only

sadtamb2

MY LIFE IS BOUND TO THE SORROW-TIRE

sadtamb

I would throw it and me in the sea, if I could 
but it would crash and jingle on the rocks
it will never be silent
not even in death

[Images via]

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

74 Comments

  2. catweazlol +125

    Geez, even in the bands of olden times girls were forced to play the tambourine instead of a real instrument!

    1. lesliejroot +58

      Ha, totally came to say that these women are all mad that their bandmates won’t let them play the bass.

      1. Alli525 +38

        But alas, due to a tragic tambourine accident (if ever there were such a thing as an oxymoron, truly “tragic tambourine accident” were such a one), I only have but one thumb-up to give. The other is forever turned down in sorrow and anguish.

  5. projectbeks +51

    Okay, but does anyone else think Tambourine Player #5 looks like a BAMF? I think she might bludgeon someone to death with that thing, is what I’m saying, and I would fully support that decision.

  6. PonyAlong +92

    In my earlier days, my partner and I would occasionally attend our local community dance shindigs. Most of these dances were held at the village hall and the band, composed mostly of our neighbours, was really good and played a top 40 set with the occasional CCR tune thrown in for good measure.

    The lead singer had a tambourine.

    And without fail, at some point late into the evening, I would jump on stage, grab that tambourine and shake that mofo like there was no tomorrow. It got to the point that when we attended any dance with this particular band, the lead singer would grab the tambourine and make a “get up here” motion with it.

    Alas, I was learning how to control my alcohol intake at large social functions and the days of tambourine and roses came to an end. I lost my liquid courage to get up on stage, strut my tambourine loving self and exit with the deluded delight that I KILLED IT.

    TL;DR…I fucking love tambourines.

    1. CleverManka +41

      You are the only person I have ever known to love playing a tambourine. I SALUTE YOU and I am so incredibly sad that you no longer strut your tambourine loving self around. Even though I never saw you do it, I know the world is a lesser place in the absence of it.

      3. Misst_123 +1

        Yes, but it may bear noting that his tambourine is an ergonomic half-circle design, so clearly his burden of pain is likewise halved. What I’m saying is: Do it, Tambourine Guy!

    2. eva_lee +6

      I cannot keep it together at that tambo guy. Like, I snorted my tea and had to spit it out on my dog to keep it from spraying on my computer.
      Not sure what I expected, but it sure wasn’t that.

  8. Girl Named Jack +41

    Every Western Art History post, I think, “this is the funniest one.” And I’m always right. I know, objectively, that can’t hold true forever; one of the false peaks on this mountain must needs be the actual apex. Just let me go on believing for a little while longer, though, ok?

  10. Bunburying +31

    Is that an actual teardrop in second-to-last? Or am I only seeing it there because I am projecting my own feelings of misery regarding the Grief Hoop?

      1. builtahouse +9

        i mean, which is PROBABLY TRUE, tear or no tear, but yes, I’m positive that was indeed liquid tambourine-angst on her face.

  12. CleverManka +8

    Not to brag too terribly much but I am pretty darn good at playing zills/sagat and I would rather chew off my arm than play a tambourine. They’re so…awkward.

    1. leslieellenjones +9

      My class did a Turkish 9/8 with tambourine choreography last year and yeah, the only thing I can say about dancing with a tambourine is that it’s marginally easier for dealing with crazy fast 9/8s than zilling.

      1. CleverManka +2

        Oh god, kashlimar is my nemesis. It was the one rhythm I decreed as off-limits to my musicians. Hats off to you and your class!

        1. leslieellenjones +3

          It’s my favorite rhythm, actually. I just adore the syncopation. But I do prefer the slower versions–the ones Dalia Carella calls “gypsy blues.”

          2. leslieellenjones +9

            I think it’s a useful term for identifying a specific kind of fantasy, which has its own ethnography and history (and I did hear Dalia Carella use the phrase at a time when the gypsy-vs.-Romany terminology issue was only just beginning to surface). It’s hard to get the distinction across to the general public, though. Same thing when you get into bellydance vs. raqs sharqi vs. Oryantal vs. Middle Eastern dance, Egyptian vs. Turkish vs. folkloric styles, what the hell is tribal fusion fusing with and when does it stop being bellydance … when I retire and have all the time in the world at my disposal (hah!) I would love to write a study of the North American bellydance community as a folk group in and of itself.

          4. leslieellenjones +11

            No, seriously. The idealization of the “gypsy” has nothing to do with the lived experience of Romany people or Irish Travellers, but has an enormous amount to do with the social changes of the Industrial Revolution and the pressures it puts on people living in an increasingly constrictive, urbanized environment, and I don’t know of any other term to use. It isn’t the same as bohemianism, which arises at about the same time, because bohemians are urban and, although not “settled” in the sense of landed property, more or less stay put, in contrast to the nomadic aspect of the gypsy fantasy. The gypsy fantasy also presents the notion of art–especially music and dance–as being something spontaneous, natural, and communal, as opposed to the idea of the bohemian artist who is dedicated to his (always his) art and the technical acquisition of that art at the expense of social relations. And “gypsy” is also associated with female artistic work to a degree lacking in the urbanized, elite arts. There’s a hell of a lot to unpack there.

          5. CleverManka +12

            There is a lot to unpack, and I think removing that word from our suitcase should be the first thing.

          6. leslieellenjones +10

            What word would you suggest using in its place? I ask sincerely, because I do see the problem with the term, but I haven’t been able to come up with an alternative. Romany/Roma does not work, because, as I said, the fantasy does not correspond to their lived reality.

          7. CleverManka +9

            I don’t know of a word to use in its place because I think that fantasy a dangerous and inappropriate thing to romanticize. So…

          9. AliciaFoodycat +1

            Taking that argument out a bit further, would you say it’s OK to use, for example, “Sambo” or “Mammy” because the idealisation of those stereotypes has nothing to do with the lived experience of African Americans? Members of the Rom communities have repeatedly asked bellydancers to stop using the term Gypsy and I don’t really think it’s that hard to give it up.

            What is the alternative? Well… what are you doing? Is it a fantasy folkloric? Is it Rom fusion? Is it Baladi? Or is it just dancing around with a tambourine? (I’m better with zills than tambourine too).

          10. leslieellenjones +2

            This is the thing–I’m not using the word in my own dance. When I dance a Turkish 9/8–whether with zills or with tambourine–I call it Turkish 9/8. Not even a karshilama, since that’s only one of the Turkish 9/8s. And I will admit, thinking about it further, that I am apt to over-intellectualize my dance in a way that most of my audience isn’t even interested in and I’m always thinking about the academic analysis of what’s going on–there are, to take your example, people who study the stereotype of Sambo or Mammy for what it says about the people who created that stereotype rather than taking it as an accurate representation of African American experience and that is what I find missing in the use of “gypsy” within bellydance–the lack of exploration of what people mean when they say “gypsy,” simply a censorship of the term. But if you just censor the term, that doesn’t address the underlying issues that made the idea of “The Carefree, Artistic Gypsy” arise at the time when Euro-American society was becoming increasingly industrialized/corporatized/urbanized/respectablized.

            To me, this is just one aspect of how American bellydance–as opposed to the various Middle Eastern, stage-performance bellydance styles and the folkloric dances they are based on (with heavy admixtures of Western dance, especially ballet)–has evolved. American bellydance has always existed as the opposition to and opposite of Western dance forms, and it’s always had this subtext of “this is where you dance freely, this is where anyone can dance regardless of their body type, this is where you can escape the restrictions of modern society and dance.” Very similar to the fantasy of the gypsy life. I think that this establishment of a dance space based on improvisation (don’t get me started on improv bellydance vs. choreography), groundedness, and inclusion is important, and if there is no alternative term to use as a shorthand for it, “gypsy” is going to get used. We need to find a substitute.

  13. AlmondTort +37

    Is anyone else consumed with a deep longing to own the dress in the antepenultimate painting, mismatched gemstone belt and neckline down-to-here and all? I just die for it.

    1. j_bird +19

      Upvoted for “antepenultimate”, but I think it comes in second to the sheer number in the fifth-to-last (ante-ante-antepenultimate?) painting. I would wear the shit out of that, though maybe with a bra underneath for chesticular comfort.

      1. AlmondTort +26

        See, tambourine nymphs don’t seem to take these things into account, presumably because their breasts are being held up by Zeus pretending to be an invisible bra before seducing them.

      2. sorrycassandra +13

        yesssssssss

        I would classify my sexual orientation as “mostly hetero, except for sapphically neoclassical pictures of ladies flitting through antiquity in gauzy draperies,” because damn.

  15. Jane +9

    “miserable tambourin” is a great band name.

    I had a tambourin when I was little and I loved it. I don’t think the relatives who babysat me loved it as much.

  16. blunderbusst +10

    TOO TRUE. All of it. The tambourine HURTS. (And I was so glad to “graduate” once I convinced my bandmates that yeah, I was the only one who could keep time AND tune the bass.)

  17. LeastBittern +99

    Half of these women look like it’s two hours into the Bacchanal, she’s had a skin or two of very poor wine, she’s danced madly and rended the flesh from a dude who was crouching in the bushes saying “haha and then what ;)” and now she just wants to go home and drink some broth and sleep. But NO, she has to kill like six sheep and then give opinions on their intestines.

  18. theharpoon +15

    We need one of these for bongos, because I hate bongos. Can someone go photoshop a bunch of bongos into old paintings and send them to Mallory please?

  20. Zelenka +6

    How do bitches play the tambourine?
    Lugubriously.
    By the way, autocorrect thought I meant to say luxuriously. Not the same at all, not even close!

  21. angloirishsilentfan +6

    I present as evidence of (male) joyous and somewhat crazy tambourining, Job Boden from legendary English Folk/Big Band group Bellowhead. He is 6′ 4” tall and plays the worlds smallest tambourine as if a gun is being held to his head (jump to 2:22 for relevant bit if you want to skip the actual song about Victorian market forces robbing the common folk or something): https://youtu.be/yBE5ovRJQn8

  23. ewwinternet +21

    For my thirteenth birthday, I was excitedly expecting makeup, a new journal, something a little more grown up and sophisticated, you know? And my mother gave me a goddamn tambourine. The dream of every 13 year old girl, basically.

    Btw, I’ve been a devoted Toast reader since the very beginning, but I’ve never commented until now because social anxiety. COINCIDENCE? #youneverfullyrecoverfromthepainhoopssting

  25. w.blackstone +15

    I recently unwrapped a fellow to discover tangerine-colored briefs. I could not stop myself from singing a horrifying parody of Tambourine Man. Still got laid. #noragrets

  26. Lady Ella +6

    I am flashing back to a production of Gilbert and Sullivan’s Patience I had the honor of being a part of. I played the finger cymbals and two other sorrowful maidens played VERY HEAVY tambourines during the act I finale. WE WERE DRESSED JUST LIKE THIS!!!!
    It was very aesthetic and poetic and full of slightly repressed British longing.
    And yes, by the end of hell week we all had bruised hands and fingers, our ears were ringing and we did not have to pretend to be sorrowful. We had those same expressions.

    1. Mrs_Peel +4

      I have very fond memories of my favorite college professor (with a lovely Oxbridge accent) reciting: “An attachment a la Plato to a bashful young potato, or a not-too-French French bean”.

  30. Loony_Lovegood

    Me too! If you think anyone can play a tambourine, you are severely underestimating the amount of people in the world that God has cursed with a complete lack of rhythm. I play hand percussion in the synagogue band in a liberal, fairly hippy-dippy congregation, and the minhag (custom) in our community is to have a big ol' basket of hand percussion–mostly shakers and maracas–that congregants can grab so they can join in the music. I think it's wonderful, the shakers aren't too loud so they don't drown me out or anything…until someone grabs the only tambourine in the basket and plays way the hell off beat for every single song. Sometimes I just want to take that tambourine and hide it somewhere. Oy vey!

  32. Graham +2

    I am male and make at least some of my living as a tambourine player. This is literally my favourite post ever.

  33. Karl Kemm +2

    My music iconography instructor, Mary Rasmussen at the University of New Hampshire, had catalogued tens of thousands of images depicting musical instruments. She easily confirmed known instrument icon associations like the lute representing a pregnant woman or kit violins indicating the peasant class. She was puzzled with the tambourine as to what it meant exactly. Her best guess was it represented “banishment” because a few paintings that show Moses or Hagar or Cain being cast off to the desert have someone with a tambourine pointed scoldingly at them. Sadly she was never able to finish her research or have a protege continue the investigations. There is unarguably a predominance of unhappy solitude seen in the faces of the pictures posted in this article. Mary was definitely on to something.

  35. KillerQueen

    I know it’s weird but I cannot unsee a huge furniture-nipple on the thing she’s leaning on in the last pic.