I love being a librarian. Every day is different, and I enjoy helping people with their plans and projects. But with the job also comes a number of questions I cannot answer, or would simply prefer not to get. While you might imagine you can ask your local librarian anything, there may be times when they simply won’t have a ready response for you.
Here is just a sampling of the strange questions my colleagues and I have fielded at our local library:
Do you happen to have a baby picture of Andrew Jackson?
What’s the weather going to be like in Nashville five months from today?
Does this look infected to you?
EMERGENCY: Do you know a recipe for eggplant parmesan?
Why did you get rid of all of the books on Christianity?
Where do you keep your adult films?
Are you single?
How do I make this food less spicy?
Will you fill out my taxes for me? WHY NOT?
It’s getting dark so much earlier lately — is there something wrong with the sun?
I’m learning about cloning. Can I have a piece of your fingernail?
Can you help me find some examples of baseball cards from Roman times?
Does the snake in this photo look poisonous to you?
Do you guys have any books on how to start an escort service?
Do you have a “Notary Republic” here?
Do you know if there are insects in human urine?
Can you find me a picture of a flying car from the future? You know, like a real photo, not a drawing or whatever?
Are you sure you’re not single?
Do you happen to know if your audiobook cases have polyethylene glycol in them?
Did a blonde lady just come in here?
Can you tell me the nutritional value of acorns?
Can you buy dogs at this library?
Who is the woman my son is sending money to in Las Vegas?
WHAT DID YOU DO TO YAHOO!???
My five-year-old is very advanced; should she read young adult novels?
Do you have a recent picture of Jesus Christ?
How many dimples are on a golf ball, exactly?
There’s a Jackie Wilson song with the word “repeat” in it. What song is it??
[holds up a leaf] Can you tell me what tree this is from?
What do you mean I can’t use my toaster in the library?
So you really aren’t single, then?