“The reason we’re not going to do this sketch is that it contains a great deal of sex and violence.”

“A great deal.”

“Lots of sex and violence.”

“That’s right. During the sketch, Stephen hits me several times with a golf club.”

“Which, of course, wouldn’t matter, except that I hit Hugh very sexily.”

And now, please welcome “Bitchmother, Come Light My Bottom,” by Sir William Rees-Mogg.