Two Monks Discover How Tall Women And Horses Are -The Toast

Previously: Two monks invent religious iconography.

MONK #1: what’s inside of a dog
MONK #2: hmm?
MONK #1: like how would I draw a dog, and what it’s made of
MONK #2: oh oh gotcha
red strings and nothing

MONK #1: okay so I know that knights and horses go together
like in wartime
MONK #2: right
MONK #1: but how is that arranged, exactly
like how does it look when they go into battle
MONK #2: oh that’s easy
the knight stands perfectly still and the horse bumps him with its nose from behind
MONK #1: really?
MONK #2: yeah
MONK #1: seems like it would make more sense for the knight to ride on the horse
or at least for them to both walk side by side
MONK #2: yeah i mean
it takes forever but who are we to judge

MONK #1: what does it look like when people fish
MONK #2: ok so the first thing to remember is that most boats have room for two people and that’s it
think door-sized
MONK #1: ok got it
MONK #2: but what makes it REALLY challenging is that they only look for fish the size of their boat
MONK #1: how do they fit the fish in their boat then?
MONK #2: oh, they don’t
fishing’s impossible
MONK #1: innnnteresting
MONK #2: yeah then they just send out two or three of their smallest friends to jump on the fish until they swim away, super intimidated
it’s all about reminding the ocean that we can jump on fish
more than catching and eating the fish
do you know what i mean
MONK #1: totally

MONK #1: how tall are most women
MONK #2: tower sized but normal heads
MONK #1: cool thank you
MONK #2: here to help
MONK #1: ooh while i have you though
most dogs look –
MONK #2: emotionally destroyed
MONK #1: got it, ty

MONK #1: how does a battle look like
MONK #2: mm what do you mean
MONK #1: like how many horses are there
MONK #2: one
MONK #1: is that it?
MONK #2: yeah
they call him the war horse and everyone rides him at the same time

MONK #1: what do women do when men aren’t around
MONK #2: sit around naked in a tiny stone cage and knife unicorns, i bet
MONK #1: yeah
me too, i bet
i bet that’s what they do a lot

MONK #1: what’s the easiest way to fit someone into a cauldron
like if you were going to boil them alive for sinning or whatever
MONK #2: hmm
that’s a good question
MONK #1: because i was thinking just like, feet first
MONK #2: i can see why you would think that
but i’d actually say it’s laterally, after you’ve bent them backwards in half like a horseshoe
so they’re wider than the cauldron itself and impossible to fit in
MONK #1: oh that makes sense
MONK #2: thats how i’d do it anyhow

MONK #1: do knights EVER ride their horses
MONK #2: oh sure
all the time
like for hunting especially
MONK #1: ok how does that work
MONK #2: you ride very quickly away from whatever you’re hunting
and turn back to throw discs of food at it
until you can’t see it anymore and it’s totally full
that’s what hunting is

MONK #1: how does battle work, exactly
MONK #2: oh it’s pretty simple
everyone on one side stands around in full armor
and the other side waits their turn naked to get their head sliced off one at a time

MONK #1: so compare to women, men are–
MONK #2: like half a tower high
MONK #1: ok
MONK #2: shorter if they’re knights

MONK #1: so these tower sized women
are they always IN towers, or just the SIZE of towers
MONK #2: yes
MONK #1: yes to which part
MONK #2: both
being a tower is a very important aspect of womanhood