Feelings I Have Had About Serena Williams -The Toast

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In no particular order:

  • My God
  • This woman is the goddess Diana reborn in human form; I would sell all that I own in order to serve as her silent handmaiden
  • I would pay 40,000 dollars American to walk three steps behind her with my head respectfully bowed for a single day
  • Where is the gay equivalent of Serena Williams; I would crawl up a waterfall on my raw and bleeding knuckles to find her
  • Serena
  • Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
  • more like Sports Illustrated’s Sportsperson of my HEART
  • how
  • Greatest of all time. GREATEST OF ALL TIME. Time itself is subject to your will.
  • Brienne of Tarth levels of chaste devotion
  • you look so good in sweaters that it hurts my teeth
  • Screen Shot 2015-12-14 at 12.26.44 PMIt causes me great pain that Serena Williams is heterosexual, but I respect her as a created being who loves men, and if I cannot win her myself, I am glad that she has found happiness with Drake, who seems like a genuinely lovely person
  • Greatest ever. Greatest ever. Greatest ever.
  • I have grown a half-inch in height over the last year simply because of the purity of my love for her
  • I hope Drake is good to her
  • Drake I could understand, but Alexis Ohani – No. No. This is wrong. Who am I to question what Serena wants? If she sees worth in the cofounder of Reddit, then he is worthy. That is all I know, and all I ever need know. It is enough. Enough, now.
  • I wish to weave a garland out of laurel branches and admiration and place it at your feet
  • If we were girlfriends I would make her pasta every day, all kinds, I would even buy a pasta maker and make the shapes by hand and she would say “You don’t have to go to all this trouble” and I’d say “it’s no trouble” and she’d say “I have a chef, you know” and I’d say “I want to be the one who feeds you” and she’d say “God, that’s cheesy” and then I’d say “No, this is cheesy,” pointing at the pasta I just made her, and then she would laugh despite herself and I’d fall asleep smiling
  • I want to buy a star and name it after you, like a bad boyfriend on a TV show, i think?
  • That scene from Love Actually where Rick tells Keira Knightley that he loves her with posters except we’ve never met and she’s not married but the same feeling, of I have to tell you that I love you but I understand that you can’t love me back and you don’t owe me anything and I’m sorry if this is a bad time and I’ll go now, but also if you ever need anything, I will be by your side with the swiftness of a thousand horses with no expectations, I just want to help and I’ll go away afterwards
  • Why would Serena Williams want to be with you even if she were gay, she’s a gorgeous businesswoman and one of the most astonishing athletes of all time and your dishwasher smells weird all the time no matter how many times you run it
  • How the moon feels about the sun, I think; I need you but you don’t need me but it is enough merely to need you
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