Things I Believe With Perfect Trust And Perfect Faith Drake Did Over The Last Three Years To Become Worthy Of Serena Williams -The Toast

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  • Went to the gym daily to bulk up in order to become strong and worthy of her, using “for Serena” as his concentration mantra in between reps
  • Played Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” on repeat during Tabata workouts to keep his focus pure
  • Casually looked up tennis scoring names on his phone just before starting conversation with her, clenching his fist and muttering to himself, “It’s love, fifteen, thirty, forty, game, you can do this, Aubrey”
  • Played carnival games regularly in order to experience the feeling of constantly winning so he’d have something to talk about with her, and also a lot of stuffed animals to give her
  • Bought out the April 2015 edition of Vogue at every newsstand in Manhattan, then tried to display them all on his coffee table, which broke under their combined weight, and when she came over later that afternoon and said “What happened to your coffee table?” he said “It’s kind of a long story” and didn’t tell her what happened because he’d just wanted her to see it, he didn’t want to have to explain it after it didn’t work out
  • Bought her the entire series run of Sailor Moon (subs and dubs) for her birthday. “What on earth…?” she said, laughing, and he said, too quickly, “Because Sailor Moon’s name, her alter ego, I mean her human name, it’s Serena, and you’re Serena, and you kind of remind me of – she’s always saving the world but she’s also just a regular person, and she never has time to finish breakfast…” and then he noticed the Patek Phillipe that someone else got her and felt like an idiot and she said “I love it. No, I love it. Can we watch it together?” and then he felt better. “It’s not anything fancy or expensive, I know, but –” and she said, “Drake? I love it.” in a tone that always meant the conversation was over, but he wasn’t in trouble
  • Let Jehovah’s Witnesses come in whenever they knock on his door, just to be polite, and even kept the edition of Watchtower one of them left behind on his nightstand for a few weeks. He didn’t do much beyond flip through it a couple of times – there are limits  – but he doesn’t let his friends make jokes about the religion in front of him, and they know better than to try
  • Kept the 2007 episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender that Serena did voice work for on his DVR for years, even though his DVR is kind of out of date now, and skips at weird moments
  • Hired a French tutor, and kept a little notepad of phonetically-written-out French phrases in his pocket whenever he went to Wimbledon. “Félicitations pour votre victoire. Félicitations pour votre victoire. Félicitations pour votre victoire.

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